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and extrovert (social butterfly) child
Extracurricular activities for the introvert (homebody) and extrovert (social butterfly) child
Throughout the school year and especially in the fall, parents like to sign their child up for extracurricular activities. These enrichment activities mostly occur after school but can also happen on Saturdays and Sundays. The motivation is primarily to expose children to new interests, or enhance current ones, or to provide childcare for parents who work outside the home. However, these activities are wonderful for children who are extroverted, but could be problematic for children who are introverts.
Introversion and extroversion are defined by how people renew their energy. Introverted children like lots of time by themselves to engage in quiet solitude type of activities. They are not shy children. They can handle social situations and people activities, but it can take a lot of energy out of them. They need quiet times in between to recharge. When they are full of solitude, they feel more refreshed to go out and be with people. Extroverted children gain their energy by being around people and a variety of activities. They don’t need a whole lot of down time, and even though their parents may need it, they don’t! You know what personality type your child is by how cranky they are after a flurry of activity (introverts) and/or after a long period of solitude (extroverts).
Parents must realize that nothing they can do can change the child they have. They must work with the child to find a fit suitable to child, and home lifestyle. Personality traits are inborn characteristics related to brain development and forcing the child to change is not going to work and may damage the important parent-child relationship.
Parents must also consider their personality and whether they are introverts or extroverts. This affects how they meet their children’s needs. Introverted parents with introverted children are both very happy to have lots of solitude, and extroverted parents and extroverted children are very happy to have one
continuous people party. The issues start when parents and children are opposite each other.
When parents realize how the daytime schedule affects children, they can work to make everyone’s needs fit. Parents can provide opportunities for their extraverted children to be “out there” and their introverted children to “be alone”.
• Arrange playdates! Offer your house and the kids will go off by themselves leaving you some peace.
• Sign up your child for every activity they could possibly want to try out. Find carpooling arrangements or tag team with your parenting partner to take your extrovert out, giving you some peace at home.
• Realize that even though you crave a stay-in-pyjamas
“Saturday home day”, your miserable extrovert will be grumpy. Arrange some part of the day for outside activities, even if you have to bring him to a playground or a play place so you can read a good book. You can still wear your pyjamas!
• Continue “weekend quiet time” long after they drop naps. It’s not too much to ask for two hours of quiet time a day to give you time to recharge. You might have to make use of the DVD or computer for child entertainment to do so!
• Use his extroversion to your advantage: get him to make phone calls, pay for items at stores, and do most of his own fundraising (selling popcorn, etc.).
• Consider regular weekly outside activities such as lessons, library activities, playgroups, preschool, gymnastics, sports etc. You don’t have to talk to the other parents while waiting.
Bring a book and ear buds (even if you don’t use the ear buds, it’s a signal to others to leave you alone) and you will have some time to yourself.
• Arrange “home days” for your children. Make time and space for solitude. They get very good at finding things at home to occupy their time and they love it.
• Don’t worry about not signing them up for activities. If they really want to learn something new, they will go to lessons as teenagers when they desire it or teach themselves from the internet and library resources. They will discover new interests by just living life and being exposed to the internet. Many activities are costly and underwhelming quality and take time away from more important activities such as family dinners, reading, and just percolating thoughts, ideas, and insights. Research shows that people come up with fantastic ideas from downtime.
• Don’t worry about peer pressure surrounding the stance of not signing up for activities. Many parents are realizing that over-scheduling, even for extroverts, can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and behaviour issues. Quality of activity is better than quantity.
• Daycare or school is already a huge activity and may suck all their energy. Don’t make them do homework as soon as they get home. Allow them solitude time immediately after school. If need be, consider other formats of education. There are many choices out there now such as online school, parttime school, and nature school. Even if parents must work outside the home, home education and self-directed learning is possible with the right childcare scenario.
• If your child has one good friend, that’s all they need. They don’t need a hoard of peers or “friends-by-association-inthe-same-group” to have healthy relationships. One friend or even a sibling is enough. Let them set the pace for playdates.
• Avoid over-scheduling: a sleepover and then another playdate or lesson the next day may be too much for your introvert, even though extroverted children can easily handle it. Watch for behaviour cues that your child has endured too much: irritability, tantrum meltdowns, crying, attitude, short-fuses, and frustration. It’s time to pare down.
• If you crave company and social interaction, have an extensive list of babysitters. Don’t feel guilty about leaving your teen home alone. They are most happy in their own space and solitude.
About
Judy Arnall, BA, CCFE, DTM is a certified brain and child development specialist and master of non-punitive parenting and education practices. She is the founder of Attachment Parenting Canada Association and is the bestselling author of five print books including Discipline Without Distress, Unschooling To University, and Parenting With Patience. She has also compiled a handy tips book titled Attachment Parenting Tips Raising Toddlers To Teens. She is the parent of five self-educated, attachment-parented children of which she has attended four university graduations. Contact Judy at www.professionalparenting.ca or www.judyarnall.com.n
