Simple strategies for success when you work away from home

By the Mining Family Matters team

Mining, oil, and gas are dynamic industries offering financial stability and great career opportunities, but the lifestyle can also be tough sometimes, especially for young families when a parent works away. Here’s a simple set of strategies that has helped to ease the pressure for tens of thousands of mining and resources families around the world.

1. Don’t underestimate the additional pressure: Most couples are vaguely aware of potential problems (“It might be hard on the kids” or “it’ll be tough for a while, until we get used to it.”) Often, though, they don’t discuss specific issues, or how to minimize them. There’s no need to be overly pessimistic, but it will help enormously to be very clear and honest about the pros and cons of working away, why you’re keen to give it a go and what you hope to get out of it. Reassess your goals as a family every six months or so, to see what’s working and what’s not working, and to ensure you’re still on the same page. 2. Coping in the early days: Don’t assume your life is tougher than the person who is away/at home. It’s natural to feel this way, but getting into a competition about it won’t help your relationship.

3. House rules for a happy home:

Try to remain as accessible as possible while you’re apart. Keeping in regular contact with phone calls and little emails makes a big difference in the continuity stakes.

4. No ‘i’ in team: This old cliché is especially true for mining families.

If something’s troubling you, avoid arguments that involve lots of “you” and “I”. More often than not, the best question to ask is, “What can ‘we’ do as a team to fix this?”

5. Helping kids to cope: If your child is missing Mom/Dad, allow them to talk about it. Try to avoid saying things like “be brave” or “don’t be silly” because they might think you are not interested or they are unacceptable feelings to discuss.

Give them a cuddle and ask, “can you think of anything that might help you feel a bit better?”

6. sharing time and avoiding conflict during precious time together:

For some couples, it works best to agree from the outset on a set number of nights that will be spent together and socializing together or apart.

7. Keeping the love alive: There are all sorts of fascinating benefits of regular sex – including an improved sense of smell and immune function! But the main benefit is enhanced connection and intimacy in your relationship.

8. Try not to take things personally:

We all have different ways of dealing with difficult situations.

Some people need as much contact as possible to ease the pain, others prefer to withdraw when they’re feeling low. This can be challenging when all you have is phone contact.

So if your partner seems distant and unwilling to remain on the phone in the early days, try not to take it personally.

9. When you’re together, give each other time away from the kids.

Designate different days when you each get a sleep in. Make sure you both get half a day to do something for yourself. Many couples have a rule that the miner gets some down time on the first morning home.

10. Don’t let money make you miserable: set shared financial goals, and make sure they’re sMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timed).

For example, “let’s save $20,000 towards a home loan by the end of next year” is more SMART than

“let’s save for a house”.

11. Working away – parenting and discipline: Remember the golden rule for families separated by work: the rules apply all the time, whether you are home or not. Standard rules are very important for kids in hectic households.

12. Tackling loneliness when you’re apart: Loneliness is not a nice feeling. Like all feelings, however, it doesn’t tend to hang around for too long unless it is deliberately

‘hung onto’. Whenever you feel lonely, tell yourself something like “I can cope with this” and then distract yourself with positive behaviours like exercising, reading, enrolling in an online course and contacting a friend or loved one.

And finally, the most important thing to remember is that even the most resilient miner (and miner partner) can find the lifestyle tough sometimes – because working away from home places extraordinary pressure on ordinary relationships. You’re not alone. Families around the world are coping with exactly the same issues.

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Since 2010, Mining Family Matters has provided professional, practical advice to miners and their families around the world. In Canada, 32-page printed guides helping mining families to survive and thrive are available for companies in English and French. For information and further expert advice on careers, mental health, relationships and parenting, visit the Mining Family Matters website at www.miningfm.com.

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