Introduction A crisis may not seem like the opportune time to transform your life. It can be, though; this, I know. All my life I’ve sought a deeper sense of fulfilment and authentic, love-filled living: that sweet spot, where you nestle into your purpose in life and shoot with ease from a place of love. But I never found it. Truthfully, I’d never been willing to do the work, until one summer day in 2011 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, just a few weeks shy of my thirty second birthday. Then everything changed. I had to do the work.
I began by taking responsibility for my wellness, saying goodbye to conventional medicine and embracing my body’s ability to heal with a natural cancer therapy - essentially, up to me to nourish and heal myself on this intensive two-year program. Over the months, as I nourished my body with thirteen fresh veggie juices each day and a plant-based diet, I realized that healing was more than just physical. Every aspect of my life was open for inspection and clarification. I may have thought I was healing holistically, but really it was to be whole-istically: body, mind + spirit. A monumental undertaking during an already challenging time, wholly embraced. It was time to live my passion, to heal my relationships, to love myself, to release fear, to let my light shine. It was time to start living, and these are the lessons that helped me do it. The seven lessons in this eBook are ones I’ve known all my life but disregarded, thinking they weren’t powerful or complicated enough to guide me to the life I loved. They are powerful enough. And the old adage, keep is simple, rings loud and clear. While it took a cancer diagnosis for me to realize that the hard work is non-negotiable, the rewards have been the stuff of my wildest dreams – come true. Now, as I look back at the past year since I was diagnosed with cancer, it's crystal clear how radically my life has transformed. How much more beautiful it is. How I'm finally living my purpose in life, the one that eluded me for a lifetime. How much I love myself, honor myself. How radiantly healthy I am. Happier than I've ever been. Ever. This transformation came through inspiration and action - living the loving lessons that I'm sharing with you here. Sharing how these lessons transformed my life is vitally important to me, because I want you to know that - at any point you chose - you can create the life you love. I'm proof. And while you certainly don't need anything nearly as cataclysmic as a chronic illness to transform your life, maybe you do need a kick start. And that's what you’ll find here, along with a big dose of inspiration, love and empowerment. I believe that each of us is capable of living fully and deeply. Radiant in body, mind and spirit. These are the lessons I used to find my radiance. Are you ready to tap into yours?
Deep in our core, separate from our thoughts, lies our truth. Your truth might know that you only went to college to appease your parents. Your truth might reveal that you’re in a relationship because it’s easier to stay than go. Yes, you’ve heard this gentle but insistent tug: it’s your intuition talking, trying to be heard over your vociferous, know-it-all mind. Call it your gut instinct, your inner voice, inner pilot light, your heart voice, spirit, soul, whatever you wish: they all amount to the same thing. Your truth. That gentle voice was ignored for much of my life. I almost solely tuned into my mind which led me down seemingly brilliant, but actually soulless, paths.
Year after year I stayed in jobs that sucked my passion but paid the bills, even though my intuition badgered me every single day to write and create.
I resisted giving all of my heart to my relationship, even though my intuition whispered that was the way to the deepest trust.
I chose medical intervention when three devastating years of infertility became too much, even though my intuition shouted that deeper healing was necessary, not drugs.
I fought against healing old emotional wounds, the ones about not being enough, unworthy, not loveable enough, even though my intuition told me they would forever hold me back.
After I was diagnosed with cancer, I understood that the way I had been guiding myself wasn’t working. And in an effort to live the life I love, I started to listen to my inner heart voice.
To trust my truth. After my diagnosis I made epic changes to my life, because – of course – my intuition told me to. Every decision was made in the name of healing. Every decision was based on how I felt, not what I thought, and these decisions felt deeply, deeply right – even if they felt a bit scary, too, as I knew I was stepping into something big. Expansive. My healing journey with cancer has shown me over and over that my intuition is wiser, more easily accessibly and brilliantly spot on than my thoughts will ever be. My intuition has guided me to be the happiest, healthiest and most passionate I’ve ever been, and all this with a cancer diagnosis and in the midst of an intensive natural cancer therapy. Shushing my quaking mind, I honed in to my wise inner voice:
Say goodbye to conventional medicine and heal naturally? Yes. Trust your body, nourish your body; it’s wiser than you understand now, and fully capable if you give it everything needs.
Give up my job? Yes. Devote your time to nourishing and healing yourself.
Lose our house? Yes. Let go; there are plenty more houses in the world. Liberate your finances and time to focus on healing.
Move from New York back to New Zealand, after 12 years away from my homeland? Yes. Go home. Family, support, they’re waiting. Soak that love up.
Spend 8 months apart from my husband while he wraps up things in New York? Yes. Do what needs to be done, and develop a stronger relationship through the physical distance.
Become a writer, my life long passion? Yes. It’s time. Time to let go of playing small. Play big.
These days, my mind is quieter, my intuition shining through like a beacon of light on an inky black night. I listen to her, let her guide me, in everything I do.
Before I started the Gerson Therapy I worked full-time in an often demanding job, made more demanding emotionally and spiritually because I lacked passion for it. Exhausted at the end of the day. Exhausted on the weekend, when I tried to drag myself out to do fun things - and shopping + cleaning + washing + all those other things that need to get done. I certainly didn’t make enough time to do the things that filled me up. The things that lit my fire; that brought me peace; that excited me; that opened my heart and made me feel alive. Nourishing your soul is just as important as nourishing your body. Necessary, because body and soul go hand-in-hand. Now that I’m on the Gerson Therapy, I may be super-nourishing my body but it’s still a job of sorts, and far too easy to get caught up in the repetitive, somewhat monotonous, labor-intensive routine. I didn’t do it nearly enough pre-Gerson, waiting until I already felt depleted, so now I’m über conscious of being proactive: carving out time to top up my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual tanks with soul vitamins. Doing the things that make me feel alive. Soul vitamins are necessary nourishment vs. indulgent guilt. I take from a few minutes to a few hours every day. But I make sure to do something every day: A long walk along the harbor in the afternoon sun… A yoga class… A call to my wee nieces to giggle and listen intently to their stories… A book so good I read it in a day…
An hour rummaging around a second-hand furniture shop; an afternoon exploring a new town; a
cavernous bookshop [love the smell of old books]; getting lost in a museum…. Whatever makes me feel alive and good, no, amazing, at that moment. It’s not indulgent to take time to do what you love. It’s necessary nourishment. No guilt, just love and appreciation for yourself.
So simple. So overlooked. This little gem is related to listening to your intuition; shushing your mind and tuning in to how you feel. Two very different things. Our minds like to run the show, but they do it from a fear-based place. Our feelings are the true source of wisdom, and feeling more - thinking less - is how I overcame the intense fear that accompanied my cancer diagnosis. For the first few months after my diagnosis I was panic-stricken, to put it mildly. I feared what I’d seen other people with cancer go through, and the typical stories channelled through the media and advertising: you handed over your health to the doctors, put life on hold, pumped your body with chemicals and toxins to ostensibly get better, looked and felt ill, and hoped that it all panned out for the best. It sounded terrible. I feared the conventional path, and I feared that it wouldn’t truly heal me. Then, as I contemplated doing a natural therapy instead of using conventional medicine, my mind went on a rampage and really put me into fear’s stronghold. But I became aware of a strong feeling: I didn’t want any of this all too-typical cancer ‘as we know it’ scenario. Despite my mind issuing orders to listen to my conventional doctor [because how could I possibly know better, my mind said], I felt, deeply, that my body would heal itself if I gave it everything it needed. When I quieted my mind, I felt a resounding yes to a natural cancer therapy and that’s what I listened to. Yup, I felt that decision out – and I’ve never looked back.
Once upon a time I thought that eating well some of the time and plodding along at life [the house, the pay-the-bills job, the car], wanting more but thinking it was out of my reach, was sufficient. Not ill, not radiantly healthy. Not unhappy, but not living the life I loved. Not nourishing body or mind. The basis for this mediocrity was a deep, dark feeling that I wasn’t worthy of the best in life. Simply, I didn’t love myself. I didn’t respect my body enough, and I spent a good amount of time berating myself with negative thoughts. When I was diagnosed with cancer I chose a natural therapy based on an incredibly clean, nourishing diet. Food was an easy in for selflove; a simple way to love and respect myself by loading up on fresh veggie juices and organic whole foods. I had to. Nourishing my body became a way of loving my body – and, of course, healing it from cancer, a pretty radical form of self-love. Once I felt my physical well-being was being taken care of I had more head space to tackle other parts of healing. I rewired my mind and replaced my not enoughs and cannots with yes’s and why nots? I totally underestimated the power of affirmations prior to cancer: they are how I began to love and accept all of myself. Feeling whole and complete, cancer and all, is a revelation. So beautiful. I have more love to give. I believe in myself and that drives everything I do, including bringing me here, to write this eBook. This body? It’s your vessel in this life: love it, cherish it, respect it, trust it – and nourish it with real, whole foods. Michael Pollan said it best, eat food, not too much, mostly plants. [But have the occasional treat. No guilt, just love + enjoyment]. This mind? I’ll go to Mahatma Gandhi for this one: we are but the product of our thoughts - what we think, we become. Think love.
Once upon a time I thought that going it alone in life was the strong thing to do, the best way. It’s not. Toughing it out is harder, lonelier and unnecessary. Support has allowed me to get and give more love, and made my journey healing from cancer so much easier and gentler on every level. My main support comes from my husband and family, who have been behind me 100% from day one: encouraging me, giving me the occasional boot up the bum when needed, providing lots of love, and considerable help from my parents with my Gerson Therapy. As immensely grateful as I am for my parent’s help, it was a humbling experience to accept their generous support. Choosing the Gerson Therapy meant giving up my job, our house, and finding a way for me and my husband to live on one income. Difficult at best… So when my parents offered their help, a place in their home while I do the two-year Gerson Therapy program, and some financial help with the pretty considerable expenses that come with a hundred and fifty odd pounds of organic produce a week, plus the mountains of supplements I take, I knew deep down that we had to accept it. Even though I thought that I should be able to do this alone. “This” being a two-year natural cancer therapy that involves washing and prepping twenty pounds of veggies a day, thirteen freshly made veggie juices a day, up to five coffee enemas each day, drinking castor oil every other day for the first three months and the accompanying hangover-type symptoms, a strict diet, and an unconventional path.
Really, I was scared to give up my independence. Afraid, on some level, that I was admitting defeat for the life I’d been trying to create for myself. Yet when I considered the other option, solely relying on my husband and his help while he also worked a full time job, I knew it would have been a huge strain on us physically, financially and emotionally. Less room for healing while our resources, all of them, would be depleted, so intense is the Gerson Therapy. It didn’t make sense. So I bit the bullet, swallowed my pride, put my independence on hold, and took my parents up on their offer. [We’re never truly independent anyway. Apart from breathing, virtually everything in our lives is dependent on someone else doing something for us, directly or indirectly; we just like to pretend there’s no back story. We’re all beautifully intertwined.] It was empowering and yes, more than a wee bit humbling. I’m ok with that, and every single day I think how glad I am to have accepted their help.
Ok, find a mirror. Look in it – at yourself – and say I love and accept myself just as I am. Then notice the thoughts that come up. These days I can do this mirror exercise without much of a peep from my mind, but when I first started doing this affirmation my mind would go nuts. Who do you think you are? What a weirdo, talking to yourself in the mirror. You’re so up yourself… Only snobs love themselves. What’s to love anyway? Look at everything that’s wrong with you – you can’t love those bits. Besides, you’re not loveable – let’s look at all the ways… Brutal. I wanted to run from the mirror. Without a doubt, I also knew that the first step in healing, true healing, would be learning to love myself. It’s not selfish. Or dumb. It’s not ridiculous. Although it certainly felt a bit of all of these at first. Loving ourselves is a direct reflection of our self worth: who we are in the world, how we show up, and how we treat others. When you love yourself, you care about your body and what you put into it, and you care about the thoughts you fill your mind with. Two essential components of living well and healing: nourishing body and mind. The truth is, we’re all imperfectly perfect. So, love yourself as you are without waiting to “fix” XYZ. We are and always will be imperfectly perfect. Every day, multiple times a day, I told myself that I loved myself. My exact mantra was I love and accept myself exactly as I am, right here and now [one you’ll know if you’re familiar with Louise Hay, the grandmamma of self-love]. I put Post Its on my mirror, used them as bookmarks, and said the affirmation every time I walked by a mirror.
Slowly, over the months, what felt like a pointless, indulgent habit morphed into love. I started to believe my words. I began to love and forgive and be gentle with myself. I realized that the decisions in life I berated myself for were the result of me doing the best I could at that time; they weren’t failures. I learned to love myself with cancer, which opened up a dialogue about what I really wanted from life. The unworthiness I’d felt dissipated. The sense of being broken faded. The perfection I strived for my entire life, but never reached, suddenly felt unnecessary. I united myself. The dualistic nature of my former self was shed; the self that wanted to be perfect, who knew it was unattainable, yet used this seeming failure as weapon to prove my unloveable-ness. My inner battle was gone, replaced by love.
This is it. The big one. The liberator - and my ultimate lesson. All my life I’ve wanted to do and be so many things, but I could never propel myself into action. Pure procrastination. You can think what you want. You can say what you want. You can go to years of counselling and tell the world about your big, beautiful plans. But until you take action, nothing will change. That’s why this lesson is the core of it all: it’s where life and living converge. Simply, I’ve wholly embraced the wise and concise adage, eff it – more politely known as just do it - which leads to a life of action and abundance, instead of inaction and scarcity. Change doesn’t happen without action.
That gnawing thing I’ve been wanting to say to X for years? Said it.
Email to amazingly talented + inspirational person about a collaboration, which typically would wind up in my draft folder, as I fretted and felt unworthy? Sent it.
Life-long fears about death, exacerbated after my cancer diagnosis? Oh hi, silly thought.
Accept that I’m enough just as I am. OK.
Just doing it doesn’t mean willy-nilly actions and unconscious verbal diarrhoea – I try my best to be thoughtful and conscious – it’s simply that I don’t let fear hold me back anymore. I’m repairing relationships with family; strengthening my marriage; stepping into being a writer [a life long goal]; I have entered into a loving and trusting relationship with my body. Cancer opened my eyes to living, propelling my intentions into action. I’m tired of just dreaming: I want to do. So now, I do.
Where to from here? These seven loving lessons, so easily discarded as mere words, truly have an inherent power. But you must make them more than words – bring them alive, and weave their meaning into your life, thread by thread. I did. They transformed my life, and continue to shape me on my journey of self discovery. My life is an evolution, an ongoing journey and an ongoing relationship with myself in body, mind and spirit. No, it’s not always easy. Like me, you may have to investigate dark, neglected corners. Marianne Williamson said that our fearful places have to be revealed before they’re healed. Rhymey, yes, but the stone cold truth. Reveal them, heal them, then get on with living your big, beautiful and nourishing life. 99.99% of the time I love my life just as it is. Perfect where I am, and who I am, whether I’m happy or working through something emotionally difficult. I wouldn’t want to relive a day, but I wouldn’t change a thing simply because I’ve allowed myself to unfurl. And this process continues, day by day, as I unfurl deeper and deeper into this life and myself. A year ago it would’ve been fantastical for me to think I could be so happy, that my life could be immeasurably fuller and deeper and juicier and lovelier than I’d ever dared to dream of – most significantly, after a cancer diagnosis. Yet, it’s all this, and more. More that I can’t articulate: it just is. I feel amazing. Vibrant, in body, mind and spirit. A deep respect and awe for my body.
Learning still, surely, the odd squeeze of fear or panic as I try to think my way through, forgetting to feel it. Mostly it’s lovely, stretching and awakening myself. I invite you to do the same. Lucie xx
DISCLAIMER: The information in this eBook is based on my personal healing journey, which I’m sharing for educational and informational purposes only. Please consult your own doctor or healthcare provider to determine the best course of treatment for you.
© Lucie D’Alessandro 2012 www.DelveSpot.com