WRITING PACKET STEPS: Write a PREWRITE on a really good topic you enjoy. (It could be your favourite, or it could be something that is just really good and worthy enough for others to know about.) _______ a sports team, a sport, an outside hobby (e.g. The Baltimore Ravens) OR _______ a movie, a television series, a cartoon (e.g. The Walking Dead) OR _______ a game, a game system, a style of play (e.g. Assassin’s Creed) OR _______ a book, a comic book, a fable (e.g. Everything Everything) OR _______ a restaurant, a dish, a cuisine (e.g. French Cooking) OR _______ a style of performance, hardware, history (e.g. Skateboarding) OR _______ a hobby, an art, a skill (e.g. Drawing) _______ other preapproved topics
Here’s mine: ____x___ a movie, a television series, a cartoon (e.g. The Walking Dead) Sherlock Without a prewrite, there can be a lot of good stuff happening with the flow of your writing, but, when looked at in hindsight, it can feel all over the place. Sherlock is a show that is produced by BBC television. It stars Benedict Cumberbatch as the famous detective and ______ as John Watson, his partner in crime. The shows are interesting. There isn’t any obvious reason why a solution for the case goes the way it goes. I like how the big villain, Moriarty, is presented. He gives Sherlock and Watson a run for their money and keeps the audience guessing. There were a couple of female leads that kinda shook things up. Mary Watson brings a charm to the show, but she’s no weakling. In fact she was a super agent for the British government. She always turns things around and at the end of episodes she’s in, there seems to be a surprise waiting for you. Mostly though, the relationships are the most interesting. Sherlock and Watson kinda tease each other with intelligent quibs and banter that makes you laugh. What they say to each other is funny. How they say it is also funny. Cumberbatch has a way of speedily delivering his lines. I think he may be the fastest actor alive today. I heard once that one reviewer counted the number of words he spoke per minute and it was alot. The writers took painstaking measures to stay true to the original writings of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the guy who thunk up the Holmes plots. They did so cleverly, because the show is set, not in Victorian England, but in modern times. Yet, they managed to still keep the plots similar enough to give Doyle the rightful honors. All in all, I think most people would really like this show. It’s produced like movies. Unlike other episodes, that last 25 minutes, or maybe 55 minutes, each Sherlock episode runs a full hour and a half. Thank you for reading my writing. Moriarty is by far my favourite (British spelling) character. He’s soooooooo good at being bad.
Let’s look at this piece when looking through the lens of the 6 + 1 Traits to writing: As a refresher: a. b. c. d. e.
f. g.
There are 7 categories: Ideas, Organization, Word Choice, Voice, Sentence Fluency, Conventions, and Presentation For our purposes, we are going to forget about Presentation for the time being. This focuses upon font, margins, indentation, etc. Each category gets a score of 1-6, with 6 being the highest. Generally speaking: 1 is a score given when no evidence of the category exist; 6 is a score given when there is highly developed evidence of the category. 1’s and 6’s are “hard” to get. 2’s are reserved for underdeveloped categories; 3’s are reserved for evidence that is present, but there are some obvious omissions; 4’s are reserved for evidence that is present, and there are some minor omissions and some development needs to take place; 5’s are reserved for evidence that is present, and only minor development needs to take place. Another way of looking at it is 6= A, 5= B, 4= C, 3= D, 2 and 1 = failing grades. More detailed rubric information is located at the ISSUU.
Now, looking at my piece. I have to admit I wrote this quickly and frankly I felt pretty good about it when I first wrote it down. Scoring it, however, has been an eye opener. Here’s my honest assessment (with comments): Ideas- 4: Ideas are definitely there, and some are even developed, but organization being all over the place seems to ruin the good ideas. I’d like to see more development of a central idea. For example, the conversation about characters could easily be stretched to two, maybe three paragraphs, especially if actual dialogue / plotlines are given. This would take some research (i.e. binge watching) of a few episodes to get some good details for this writing. Organization- 2: This category is the one with the biggest challenge. Prewriting will absolutely help in this case. After reading the writing, I see there are some “easy fixes” just by moving some sentences around (e.g. the Moriarty sentences should go together). Also, there are some ideas that should not be expanded upon. I mean what does “Thank you for reading my writing” have to do with anything the writing is about? Hopefully with some good prewriting, some details can come out. Try the Topic, Support, Support, Support template OR the ONE, TWO, ME tactic. TSSS is when you write the topic sentence and try to find three sentences (or more) that would support that sentence. The 1,2,Me strategy invites the writer to find two outside supporting pieces of evidence and follow it with a personal example. Word Choice- 2.5: This one is hit and miss. There are some great starters and some really appropriate word choices. “Famous detective”, “brings some charm”, “weakling”, “speedily delivering”. Where these are great additions, there are also some incredibly weak items that can be replaced with more sophisticated (and more appropriate) language. “Big villain” sounds like an elementary student wrote this. How about “criminal mastermind”? “Alot” (which should actually be two words, by the way), can be replaced with a multitude of words. Try avoiding this phrase altogether. Voice- 3.5: Nice attempt, but I think it misses the mark. There’s an attempt to be conversational with “sooooooooo” and “kinda”. In short, it doesn’t work. These are reserved for conversations, not for written essays. Concentrate on “turns of phrases” that spice up the writing. Sentence Fluency- 3: Again, organization is affecting another category. Transitions cannot be smooth if the right sentences aren’t next to each other. Fix the organization and I think the flow will work much better. Conventions- 3: Review the grammar rules and watch the spelling, and then you’re golden! Presentation- N/A
Now let’s break the writing up. Read through the parts of writing. This is ONE way to organize, but for the sake of discussion, we’ll use this. After reading and understanding the categories, attempt to label your writing. If anything is missing, place it in the MISSING box at the end of the writing. INTRO stuff Hook: Gets the reader attracted to the writing (e.g. a question, a quote, a statistic, an anecdote, etc.) Lead In: Goes from the Hook to the rest of the intro (e.g. background info, answers the 5Ws, gives context, etc.) Thesis: Tells reader what you’re writing about as well as your stance on the topic/ May enumerate the body points
BODY stuff Transition: Moves work from one portion to the next in a smooth sort of way. Often shows relationship. Body Topic Sentence: What the paragraph is about. Body Support: Something to provide evidence for the topic Body Development: Something that explains the evidence/ makes the evidence clear Body Conclusion: Broadens the topic REPEAT Transition, Body Topic, Body Support, Body Development, Body Conclusion AS NEEDED
CONCLUSION stuff Pre Conclusion Transition: Moves the piece from specific examples in the body paragraphs to the broad scope of the paper Broad Conclusion: Talks about the general topic, makes broad statements Closer: A final statement that wraps everything together
Sherlock is a show that is produced by BBC television. It stars Benedict Cumberbatch as the famous detective and
Items Lead In / Note:
Find out who stars as John Watson.
Hook
______ as John Watson, his partner in crime. The shows are interesting. There isn’t any obvious reason why a
Thesis: Could be a seed of a thesis
Lead In Thesis
solution for the case goes the way it goes. I like how the big villain, Moriarty, is presented. He gives Sherlock and
Body: Hard to figure out what part of the body is what.
Body Transition
Also it doesn’t relate to thesis
Watson a run for their money and keeps the audience guessing. There were a couple of female leads that kinda
Body Topic Body Support Body Development
shook things up. Mary Watson brings a charm to the show, but she’s no weakling. In fact she was a super agent
Body Conclusion
for the British government. She always turns things around and at the end of episodes she’s in, there seems to be a REPEAT Body REPEAT Body
surprise waiting for you. Mostly though, the relationships are the most interesting. Sherlock and Watson kinda
REPEAT Body REPEAT Body
tease each other with intelligent quibs and banter that makes you laugh. What they say to each other is funny.
(as needed) Conclusion Transition
Broad Conclusion
How they say it is also funny. Cumberbatch has a way of speedily delivering his lines. I think he may be the fastest
actor alive today. I heard once that one reviewer counted the number of words he spoke per minute and it was
alot. The writers took painstaking measures to stay true to the original writings of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the guy
Fix: Alot and “thunk up” who thunk up the Holmes plots. They did so cleverly, because the show is set, not in Victorian England, but in
modern times. Yet, they managed to still keep the plots similar enough to give Doyle the rightful honors. All in all, I
think most people would really like this show. It’s produced like movies. Unlike other episodes, that last 25
minutes, or maybe 55 minutes, each Sherlock episode runs a full hour and a half. Thank you for reading my writing.
Omit: Thank you Moriarty is by far my favourite (British spelling) character. He’s soooooooo good at being bad.
Closer
This piece is actually hard to evaluate due to the poor organization. But we do know some key components are missing. Hook Body topic sentence Body support Body development Body conclusion The entire conclusion portion. Sadly, the items might even be there, but not in relationship to each other.
So, let’s talk about how I wrote this. Here’s the truth. I did the following: I read the prompt. I had one of my favourite shows pop in my head. I started writing.
Here’s what I didn’t do: Prewrite Research Categorize items
I think the writing shows that this is a rough rough draft.
And now, the biggest thing I learned as a student regarding writing (drum roll, please). There is such a thing as READING ORDER and another such thing as WRITING ORDER. Reading Order is the order in which you READ a piece of writing. It is INTRO, BODY, CONCLUSION. Writing Order is the order in which a writer WRITES a piece of writing. It is ??????? Unknown, and perhaps specific to the individual writer. I found for myself that the writing process did not need to match the reading process. In other words, every time I wrote the intro first, followed by the body, followed by the conclusion, I found myself crumpling up my paper and having to redo my writing.
When I was allowed to START with the BODY, then write the CONCLUSION, then FINISH with the INTRODUCTION, writing finally made sense. I found that the BCI format of writing allowed me to find out what I was trying to say, and use the introduction as a sort of summary of the piece. Now, please note, I did move the introduction back to the top of the writing so that the READING ORDER always went IBC (Intro/Body/Conclusion). Whether this works for you as a writer or not, please note it is an option. Now, let’s fix this Sherlock piece. The next step is to reorder. Note I color coded items that seemed to go together.