Dental Entrepreneur Woman - Autumn 2022

In a marketplace filled with so many choices, having experts by your side matters. That’s where we come in. Beyond providing a broad range of equipment and technology, we partner with you to find the best solutions to meet your practice goals. Count on our support for success at every step from purchase to implementation to optimization.

Autumn 2022

Editor and Publisher

Anne M. Duffy, RDH

Assistant Editor

Clare Yeo

Project Manager

Tari Sixpence

Creative Consultant

Beth Linesch

Design and Layout

Brian Rummel

Production

[CURAtive]

James B. Kennedy

Cover Photo

Natalie Sun

Autumn Contributors

Deneen Dismore

Dr. Laura Collatz

Dee Fischer

Stephenie Goddard

Lani Grass

Dr. Kim Harms

Dr. Aman Kaur

Dr. Parul Duar Makkar

Dr. Pamela Maragliano-Muniz

Andrea Oleszczak

Sarah Sharfstein Marketing Redwood Designs Web Management

Bhakti Kulmala Charter Sponsors A-dec

Editorial Office

12233 Pine Valley Club Dr Charlotte, NC 28277 704-953-0261

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anneduffy@dew.life

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DeW Life Magazine

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Guidelines go to dew.life

Crest Mary Fisher-Day Inspired Hygiene Patterson D5 Patterson Fuse Shofu Advisory Board Emeritus Linda Miles

Advisors to the Board Victoria Peterson Katherine Eitel-Belt Board

Deborah Carrier Dr. Meghna Dassani

Cris Duval Vanessa Emerson Dee Fisher Dr. Hazel Glasper Suzanne Kump

Tonya Lanthier Dr. Laura Mach JoAn Majors

Samantha J Strain Junior Board Christie Bailey Dr. Erinne Kennedy Minal Sampat Dr. Amisha Singh

When I asked Dr. Aman Kaur and Dr. Pam Maragliano-Muniz to share their stories, initially, they were like, “oh yes, I would love to!” However, when it comes to putting pen to paper and writing about yourself, it is not that easy. Women have a hard time with this because they are usually focused on others. DeW Life is changing that scenario with each edition. Yes, DeWs are FAB! We are For you, About you, and By you.

Dr. Aman Kaur is a force to be reckoned with! The first time I sat with her, I knew we were aligned in our vision to raise women in dentistry. Aman is generous, kind, and fierce. She is dewing great things to enhance female leadership in the fastest-growing lane in dentistry. We love getting to know her and are thrilled to have her grace our Autumn cover!

Dineen Dismore tickled me when she told me her article, outlining her first year as an entrepreneur, was more real talk than she had initially planned. She has a beautiful sense of self, and her story is a delight. Be inspired!

The DeW Dishes are females to keep an eye on…Sarah R. Sharfstein shares who the most influential woman in her life is. Stephenie Goddard reveals how she measures success (her answer might surprise you). Finally, Andrea shares the motto she lives by.

Regarding Jodi Evans, Dee Fischer declared, “We are both so different, but that is the point.” They found they aligned in culture and brought different gifts to the table. This validates the nudge to “Call a DeW!”

Dr. Laura Collatz’s article made me laugh and gave us another nudge to find a partner in laughter, “Call a DeW!”

Many of us have lost loved ones in the last few years. Dr. Parul Duar Makkar’s elegant article gives us hope, peace, and a thirst for creating a legacy that will long outlive us. Her podcast, along with many other DeW podcasts, can be our guide for true meaning in our lives.

Naomi Rhode is a true Icon in Dentistry, and Dr. Kim Harms is taking up her torch. I am grateful for Kim sharing her story and paying it forward to create a light in the darkness.

Ironically, Lani Grass speaks of forgiveness, a theme in this edition – Forgiving ourselves and others! It indeed does start with us - permitting ourselves to let go.

Dr. Pam Magaliano-Muniz and I are chief editors of separate publications. How wonderful for us to be friends and collaborators and not competitors. Cheers to Pam for being the first female editor and chief of Dental Economics. As you will find, leading the way is not uncommon for Pam.

Let’s make the change together and start focusing on ourselves. The world will be better for it!

COURAGE. COMPASSION. COMMITMENT. CHANGE READY.

These are the core values of Women in DSO, and they’re my values, too. I believe them to be necessary components of good leadership and high-performing organizations.

Ever since I was young, I have been known for my sense of duty, drive, and determination. I attribute these qualities not just to being the eldest child in my family, but because I had these ethics modeled by none other than my parents. To say they worked hard was an understatement. I can still recall my father working late into the night after getting us all dinner and settled to go to bed, only to rise at the crack of dawn to do it all over again. Hard, focused, and determined work, along with an early wake-up call was just a part of our family culture.

From as long as I know, I always wanted to become a doctor. This childhood career aspiration was born out of several experiences I had witnessed. I distinctly remember how comforting and kind the doctors were when my mom was anxiously waiting to see my grandfather at the hospital. It made me realize that I wanted to be a similar pillar of support and help for others, too.

I’m a dentist by trade. I value the ability to change lives by impacting people's smiles; when people feel confident in their smile - they smile more and we all know smiles can be contagious. As dentists we have a real opportunity

By Dr. Aman Kaur

to help, serve, and support our patients’ oral and overall health in impactful ways.

I absolutely love the dental industry and if we look closely, dentists' ability to do their best depends on their ability to bring out the best in other people. For the past fifteen years or so, , I’ve primarily worked at the executive level in a variety of dental service organizations, from large DSOs to building new organizations from the ground up.

Throughout my career, I’ve seen a common thread in the industry — women doing a great deal of meaningful work and adding the most value, yet precious few are in positions of leadership, and currently there are no women CEOs for the top 15 DSOs.

It’s tIme for that to change.

While attending a conference some years ago, I listened to an all-male panel discuss the great work women were doing in the dental industry. While I applauded the effort to recognize women, I also noted that there were no women on the panel itself. So, rather than merely call attention to the issue, I vowed to do something about it. Women in DSO was created to be an agent of change in our industry.

Representation matters. It’s why Women in DSO built a

platform to elevate the profile of women in the industry and help advance them to leadership positions, boardlevel positions, c-suite positions, and beyond. Our mission is for women to lead and represent the industry that they’ve Built.

And that mission has resonated strongly with many; men and women in the industry since Women in DSO’s founding in 2021. In the short time between then and now, a significant shift has occurred thanks to our efforts — women began advocating for themselves and becoming more visible in their organizations and at industry events.

Here are some numbers that illustrate our progress:

• 50+ organizations have joined Women in DSO

• 700+ women leaders are Women in DSO members

• 200 attendees (standing room only) at our Dykema launch event in July 2021 (which grew to

• 450 attendees in 2022)

• 650 attendees and 47 women speakers at our inaugu ral Empower and Grow event

• 11 Women in DSO panels featuring 40+ women speakers at a variety of industry events

• 17 Exchange Circle and Empower professional de velopment/networking events featuring 50+ women speakers

• 100+

Our growth and success have come without paid media or marketing campaigns. It’s all due to our members empowering each other and progressive DSOs letting the women in their organizations shine. Need and buzz surrounding Women in DSO is real, and people in the industry want to participate.

The harsh reality is that the world expects more from women. But we’re also incredibly tenacious. I fully believe in my heart that women can play an integral role in elevating the dental industry at all levels. It’s happening right now as you’re reading this. We all know changing the world on long standing topics like gender parity will take time, we can’t wake up one day hoping we can change the world at our whim. In the meanwhile, what we can do for the world is to take great care of ourselves and the ones we’re responsible for. That’s where we can start. When we don’t take care of ourselves, we become a liability – not an asset. We all should support each other on this journey, often great and lasting changes have started one small step at a time.

Women in DSO has created a community of women leaders from the organizations that join at the founding level, as they get a spot for one of their women leaders to sit on our advisory board — which is itself a rare network of highly accomplished and influential senior-level executive women. And members of our advisory board are at every industry event.

(and growing) profiles of women leaders posted on Women in DSO’s LinkedIn page.

They get together to forge new relationships, discuss best business practices, share knowledge, and talk about new ideas that they bring back to benefit their own organizations.

Women in DSO also helps member organizations recruit talent through our Member Portal. Our Career Match program will highlight women leaders and member organizations so they can share why their organizations are places where women can thrive — and member DSOs can post five Director-level or higher positions for women to our exclusive job board. We also help women get speaking engagements at industry events to elevate their profiles.

We’re launching both mentorship leading into the fellowship programs to help women get into the dental industry, learn about DSO career options, and develop their careers. Member organizations get a discount on all Women in DSO events plus fifteen individual memberships for their women employees, who can then participate in all of our programs.

And, we’re expanding into other countries next year! The DSO industry is still nascent north of the border, so I’m excited about the opportunities to grow beyond our current members in Canada — I believe, by starting their at early stages of DSO industry growth, we can get women into leadership positions faster by using Women in DSO platform to elevate women leader’s profile.

We’re so excited about the work that lies ahead of us to continually elevate the industry and change the paradigm. Our focus and determination are set on supporting, educating, and equipping women both personally and professionally in their dental careers.

Yes, we’re just getting started, but I’m excited by our progress and our potential going forward. For women who are thinking about joining dentistry, we look forward to getting you to your goals faster. For women who currently are in dentistry, we can’t wait to unlock your potential as we get you to the next level. And for women who are wanting to leave dentistry, turn to us as we’ll highlight the magic and uniqueness you still have left to offer. Join us to help create a more supportive world for women leaders and higher-performing businesses for everyone in our beloved dental industry. The future is bright.

YEAR 1: BUSINESS LESSONS AND SASSY CONFESSIONS

By Deneen Dismore

YEAR 1

Ithought about writing a bubbly feel-good article to describe my first year as an entrepreneur. I wondered if it could be compelling to discuss my experience with work-life balance. Maybe I would talk about conducting business from the angle of raising an active baby boy with a significant other who has an unideal autoimmune disease. No matter what I wrote, it would be beautifully worded, filled with uplifting quotes from thought leaders, and highlight the joys of leading with passion as I continue to serve other dental professionals.

It was a fleeting thought I quickly dismissed as I shamelessly laughed into my margarita around 11 pm on a Tuesday.

Here’s the truth. As I slowly bring my first year of entrepreneurship to a close, I realize that telling an honest story that I would translate well versus sharing a raw account of my experience. To start, I find that I’m not choosing how to manage my multiple six-figure contracts during the naptime hustle (yet). I bet I’m more like you - a little more tired, slightly dehydrated, a lot more intentional with my time, and ridiculously grateful for every signed agreement, collaboration, endorsement, invitation, and

kind gesture that’s come my way.

Through all the seasons of being a dental marketing consultant, I look back over the last 11 months, not fully knowing how I accomplished it all. I’ve served as a consultant, written social media content strategies, taken over the DeW social media account for a day, written blogs, served as a guest expert on podcasts, gone to a dental conference, attended networking events. I've taken nosedives into google analytics and other platforms for a fellow CEO, booked speaking engagements… the list goes on. And through it all, I’ve found no magic formula to succeed as a business owner. Especially in 2022 as we consider things like gas prices one day and maybe a little monkey pox residue on the target shopping cart the next. Anyway, I digress. While I could ramble on about career highlights, personal tragedies, professional miracles, and everything in between, I’ll share a story typically reserved for the last 30 minutes of a happy hour instead.

Raising a toddler while being in business infancy - that’s who I was at my first DeW Retreat in November 2021. I was a millennial mama with a toddler on one hip and some business momentum on my other hip. While I’ve

been a business professional since 2009 and worked as an entrepreneur in other endeavors for over a decade, this was the first time I was bold enough to commit to serving the dental community as a marketing strategist with a specialty. Once I did, things were great! I had a couple of clients, a one-page website, 100 business cards, and the hope that I could replicate my early-on success more significantly.

I think that’s how so many entrepreneurs start. We don’t always have the confidence to show up big in our gifts, but we make up for it with courage. I dared to bet on myself and serve dentists in a way that was needed, in a way that I love, and ultimately developed a focused skillset around. As a business with a foundation rooted in marketing strategy, it's my job to take a comprehensive look at what the data from dental software tells me and infuse that with a heavy dose of sociology to get a desirable result - business growth. As a bonus, I add years of self-development I’ve invested in helping dentists grow their businesses in the right direction and serve their community with integrity.

As many of us know, growing a business is an art form. While I essentially teach dentists how to drive net profit instead of just driving production, I also learned quite a bit about driving success in my own business. I decided to share the top 6 lessons I learned about myself and my business starting Fall 2021. To be abundantly clear, this is my experience and not the only roadmap for firstyear “DeWers.” So while you may have had different experiences and takeaways in your endeavors (choice of cocktail included), I hope that you’ll laugh, be able to relate, and get excited about what your next year of business will look like.

top takeaways from y ear 1

Lesson 1 - Entrepreneurship is crazy! You must have faith and a sense of humor. If you don’t have them, borrow some belly laughs and beliefs from someone else. Do this ASAP.

Lesson 2 - Many business owners visualize success, but don’t create space to imagine the moments when life knocks you upside the head with a metaphorical 2x4 block of lumber. Often out of nowhere. Especially the women. That goes double for the mamas. We don’t see the part where our loved ones, service providers, home improvement projects, and everything else demands us to rise and perform, regardless of how tired, uncertain, or defeated we may feel.

It’s that part.

The “get back up” part.

The “do it again” part.

The “nobody is going to do this for you” part. The “nobody is coming to save you” part.

It’s constant, especially as we work to not only build a brand and a client base but teach others precisely what we do. I was pleased to introduce myself as a “New Patient Acquisition Specialist.”

What in the world is that, anyway?

That’s my business coach. We came up with that job title together. This leads me to:

Lesson 3 - Bless your heart, but SISTER, you don’t have it all figured out. If you think you do, stop right here, re-read Lesson 1 in full, proceed with your truth, and tell me how you feel in about 6 months. Then, invest in being led by someone who knows more than you do.

I was fortunate enough to conclude that I didn’t want to be a business owner without the guidance of a dental industry insider like Ms. Anita Siriani. The best are led by the best - I urge you to join the trend and follow this twopart phase:

Phase 1: Find someone you admire who has experience in your line of work and has the success you wish to have eventually. Have this person help you. Thank them with a check, bank transfer, or card payment. This is your mentor.

Phase 2: Find your tribe of entrepreneurs (not to be confused with your besties from high school) and lean on them as you grow in business. Please encourage them to do the same. Pro tip - Dental Entrepreneur Woman is a great tribe to lean on. We have first-hand experience of what it’s like to grow, figure it out, and then grow some more. Show them your appreciation by sending witty memes, encouragement, and *solicited* feedback. Then, continue to support them online and in person.

Finally, money circulates, and so do business opportunities. Commit to connecting your tribe with people they could collaborate with, both formally and informally, as it makes sense.

Lesson 4 - Don’t stop. Never quit on yourself. These were the wise words that our CEO, Anne Duffy, mentioned as a panelist at a local women’s empowerment event. As many of us have learned, it’s not enough to announce that you’re open for business and ready to accept digital payments for services rendered. The biggest thing I needed to work on in my first year of business is my mindset - which says a lot about someone who describes themselves as a personal development junkie. Your mentor already knows this, and it may be wise to follow them as they help you navigate the peaks and valleys of growth. As for you, outside of your coaching sessions, find a practice that inspires growth and add it to your daily routine. Journaling, meditating, reading self-development books, praying, reciting affirmations - the possibilities are endless. You may even find that this practice pays dividends in multiple areas of your life.

Lesson 5 - Lean into your superpower as you grow your business. You’ll have a lot more fun and make a lot more money as you show up as a highly skilled and authentic version of yourself This is a skill I didn’t always follow as I attempted to “people please” my way to success as a business owner.

Jesus wept.

And then he took the wheel.

As a New Patient Acquisition Specialist whose superpower is taking massive action *quickly*, I have a somewhat unique but gratifying job that rides on the wave of momentum. I teach dentists to attract and keep quality new patients by bridging the gap between marketing and metrics. Or in other words, I find something worth noticing, create quick and simple systems to help businesses leverage their unique skills and advantages, and capitalize on the acceleration that these 2mm differences make. I love it, and as an entrepreneur, loving what you do is a must.

Lesson 6 - There’s no such thing as being too “you.” The mishap occurs when you don’t own it. While I’m known for smiling a lot, and I love to laugh, I’m also known for offering what my 6-year-old niece refers to as the “get it together” eye. When I’m in my natural state, I’m happy, no-nonsense, and obsessed with the end result, more importantly, it's thrilling when my metrics light the way for me to get there. When I’m working, I share value with a touch of humor, teach my clients how to share their competitive advantages via storytelling, and when I converse with them, I mean what I say the first time. And while it would be nice for everyone to fall in love with a businesswoman who grins, offers direct eye contact, is ambitious, a little nerdy, and tells it like it is with a hair flip and without skipping a beat, that’s not the case.

I like being liked, but my goal as a brand in year 2 is to leave no room for any gray areas in the branding department. You either love me, or you hate me - no thanks for landing somewhere in between. As I often tell my clients, if you’re talking to “everyone,” you’re talking to “no one.” I only want to share time with the bosses who "get it" and get me.

But this article is about my experience in year 1. It started with a tad too much people-pleasing and ended with a roar I found some time over the last year, likely after another long day followed by another short night. I’ll take it.

What will your next year look like for you?

About Deneen

Deneen Dismore is the outgoing CEO and Founder of Dismore Consulting and serves the dental community as a New Patient Acquisition Specialist. Born and raised in Long Island, New York, she's no stranger to working in fast-paced environments that desire business growth. While Deneen started her career in dentistry as the Marketing Director of two practices in Manhattan, she found her entrepreneurial calling after two career milestones. Deneen was thrilled after nearly doubling the number of new patients in one practice. Then, she led the marketing initiatives of another dental group featured on Inc. 5000's list of America's fastest-growing companies.

Contact Info/Social Media Links:

Six-month, pack your bags january

provided for each 2023

session Fun group activities

in-person business and leadership program Open to women dentists with five or more years of clinical experience & WE’LL TAKE CARE OF THE REST APPLICATIONS OPEN 949-339-8425 glidewell.com

DeW Dish

STEPHENIE GODDARD CEO, Glidewell www.glidewelldental.com; Insta: Glidewelldental

how do you measure your success?

I wouldn’t say it’s a single metric. For me, I measure myself first on did I do what I said I would do? Secondly, did my decisions make a positive impact? Third, do I still love what I do, and is it infectious to those around me?

what obstacles have you overcome In your career?

Probably too many to count. I don’t dwell on the obstacles that I have overcome. I am grateful for them all. As tough as some were, they have led me to where I am today. Obstacles have helped me to learn how to persevere, to deal with conflict, to speak up for myself, to realize that this too shall pass, and that there is an eternal light at the end of tunnel.

what do you do to turn around a bad day?

I surround myself with my family, friends, and my puppy. I meditate and try to remember all the things about my day that I am grateful for. Every day cannot be perfect. Having bad days helps me appreciate the good ones that much more.

what Is the best part of your job?

The best parts of my job are: 1) Getting to work with Jim Glidewell every day and learning something new from him. The man is full of little nuggets! 2) Working with my immediate team. I love them all. We get to do fun, interesting things every day. It’s fun to come to work. 3) Creating careers for many wonderful Glidewell employees.

who has been the most InfluentIal woman In your lIfe?

I have been lucky to have many influential women in my life. The three most influential women are my grandmother, my mother, and my daughter. They each taught me something unique about hard work, perseverance, the importance of gratitude and humility, and the need to surround yourself with other amazing women.

what Is your guIlty pleasure?

Tater tots! The cafeteria at Glidewell makes the best tater tots on the planet. They bring back memories of childhood.

what advIce do you have for the new person In your offIce?

Listen more than you tell. Ask questions often. Go easy on yourself… it’s a lot to learn and it doesn’t happen over night.

what “de w’ leaders do?

I believe that great leaders listen often, hold themselves accountable, collaborate, care and show empathy to those around them, have the courage to admit when they were wrong, and are passionate about what they do.

SARAH R. SHARFSTEIN, MBA VP Category Development & Strategy Aspen Dental Mgmt

what Is your dream vacatIon?

It is so hard to choose just one. In the past couple of years, I caught the travel bug. In 2022 I had the opportunity to visit Paris, Jordan, Belize, Greece, and Israel, and it has been great. In 2023 I would love to go to visit Spain and put my Spanish lessons to good use!

what does balance look lIke?

Balance to me is being able to toggle between being highly engaged with work and shutting it down so that you can put your mindshare and energy towards something else that helps round you out personally. Between family and friends, traveling, golf and volunteering I make it a priority to find space for these priorities and allow my brain a rest.

, what Is your motto?

Wow! I love this question! We just build the Motto brand, so I would have to say, “Providing affordable and convenient clear aligner treatment with dentist oversight”... this is a good one.

what Is the best part of your job?

The team I get to work with every day. My peers are supportive, collaborative, and not afraid to challenge the status quo. Being a part of such a strong, growth-oriented team with all members coming from varied backgrounds outside of dental has pushed me to think differently and get outside of my comfort zone.

who has been the most InfluentIal woman In your lIfe?

My mom. Hands down. She is my biggest champion and is not afraid to give me tough love, the critical feedback others won’t. Getting feedback from someone who you know believes in you and genuinely has your best interest at heart is rare and a true gift.

what Is your favorIte Indoor/outdoor actIvIty?

I started playing golf a couple of years ago and have really come to love it. I joined a summer league and have played in a number of American Cancer Society charity tournaments throughout the year, and am getting better each round.

what’s your bIggest career accomplIshment?

Having the opportunity to build Motto clear aligners has been an incredible experience and one I am really proud of. I have been in the aligner space for a long time so being able to build a brand from the ground up that makes it so consumers don’t have to choose between affordability, convenience, and doctor oversight is really special. Turning that consumer experience into something our doctors and teams can easily execute in their offices has been a lot of fun.

how do you keep the entrepreneurIal spIrIt alIve?

I am fortunate to work for a company, The Aspen Group, that is still founder-led and was born out of that entrepreneurial spirit. Not only are we keeping it alive, but it’s also part of our DNA! Our investment in new products and services like Motto and other cutting-edge advancements in technology and innovation are great examples of entrepreneurship at work in a large company.

ANDREA OLESZCZAK, CM Senior Business Development and Marketing Manager www.linkedin.com/in/andreaoleszczak/

stay motivated and disciplined, continually improve, face failure with courage, practice compassion and kindness, persevere through tough times, practice gratitude, maintain self-confidence, and stay true to myself.

what advIce do you have for the new person In your offIce?

I have found it helpful to invest my time in getting to know people that I work closely with and around. It’s not just a conversation over lunch, it’s a long-term endeavor. Having strong work relationships have been shown to improve overall job satisfaction and performance. It’s always interesting to learn about others and how you can help them, or vice versa.

what Is your favorIte Indoor/outdoor actIvIty?

what Is the best part of your job?

The people! I’m privileged to work alongside some of the best and brightest attorneys and support staff. I’m incredibly fortunate to also work directly with many of our firm’s wonderful clients and partners. This unique opportunity brings me great satisfaction in knowing that I can play a small role in helping our attorneys and the firm serve others.

who has been the most InfluentIal woman In your lIfe?

My Oma! She was kind and loving, a hard worker, a fierce protector of her family, a two-time cancer survivor, eternally positive, a talented artist and musician, a passionate and respected community volunteer, proper and polite, trustworthy, and always impeccably dressed (even when gardening). She was an amazing grandmother whom I admired a great deal.

how do you measure success?

To me, measuring success comes in many different forms. For example, I am successful when I can help others,

I cherish spending time with my family. I especially love watching my two daughters participating in activities (such as equestrian or pom). I also enjoy spending time with my husband indoors and out, whether it be traveling, golfing, skiing, hiking, running, movies, or cards. I’ll take it all. Oh, and also love rooting for the Michigan State Spartans. GO GREEN!

what famous person lIvIng or dead would you lIke to have lunch wIth and what would you ask them?

Rather than choosing one famous person, I would rather turn to the people I have the fortune of crossing paths with in my life (family, friends, co-workers, and new acquaintances). They all have a story that I can learn from., Sometimes the most impactful and thought-provoking insights lie within the people that are right in front of us, it’s just a matter of listening.

what

does balance look lIke?

Balance is different for everyone, and maintaining balance is a constant job for me. It’s so easy to find oneself spending too much time spinning this plate or that, and if you aren’t paying attention, the other plates are in danger of crashing down. Working on the 5 pillars of health (healthy body, mind, family, society, and finances) helps me find my center.

who, wear, when

Dykema

ADA Smilecon

AADOM

Women Starting Movements

Women Starting Movements

AADOM

NYC DeW Meet-up

Ohio DeW Meet-up Denobi Awards

The Dental Festival CE on the Beach

AADOM Fashion Show

LIVING YOUR STRENGTHS COLLABORATION AS WOMEN IN DENTISTRY

By Dee Fischer

Can we join together and become complements to each other?

As I start to write this article, I begin to reflect on the thought that the process of lifting each other up can be enlightening and also a gift to your audience, whomever that will be. So often, we get stuck in our own little box and feel uncomfortable when we need to reach out of it. It's okay. By reaching outside of it, you may find the greatest gift of all is sharing your knowledge base with others and embracing their knowledge base to enhance others. Many women are industry leaders and want to share their experiences and help others sometimes; you just have to ask.

If you do a deep dive about yourself and what your passion may be, you also have to look at what you can do to make sure you’re hitting all areas for your teams so that they are fulfilled and have what they need for success. As I embarked down the road, I began to look at what else Fischer Professional Group can bring to the industry to uplift and move our profession forward.

Along came this thought process: why not reach out to different industry leaders? Looking at others that have a different skill set than us and have them complement what you are doing. Bingo! Dee Fischer of Fischer Professional

Group and Jodi Evans of Revolutionary Tribes would be a great combination. I invited Jodi to join me in transforming a team to their highest most possible best self. We are both so different. Yes, that’s the point. We are different but the same. We both have a passion and love for the teams we work with. We both value the gifts we have been given to work with. But most of all, we respect what each of us is doing in the dental space. I was elated to have Jodi join me on the stage at the Amplify Conference. Our industry was able to see two people whose core values align for the better of all, but most of all having fun doing so. You see, we embrace our different styles and focus on what complements each other and the teams we work with together, reaping all the rewards.

For professional development, it is important to align with others in your industry. As I see it, it is all about bringing forth the best of the best. How do you do that? I say share the knowledge. Do not see others as competition. See it as a growth strategy for all. When we complement each other, the benefits are huge! We, as professionals, can bring the industry to new heights. By acknowledging other assets and what they bring to the table, this can be a fun ride for we all if we embrace it. I believe we have an obligation to bring our A-game to the field and if that means including others along the way… put them on your field.

We all can join forces to empower the future.

Let’s do a deep dive for a moment. First, a self-awareness moment. How can I bring the best program to my teams that will be effective and efficient for all? Second, do I need some others to take a look at the situation that I am working in and realize there may be someone that can add a coaching factor to my current situation to improve the outcome? The answer may be YES.

Now is the big move, do not be afraid to reach out. It will be a learning and growth opportunity for all. When you learn from industry leaders, you become a better leader, which trickles down to all involved. As you work through this process, pay attention to the WHY. It’s so important here. When you keep the “why” forward, this becomes easy. Identifying others that can bring synergy to your “why,” this will only enhance the experience for all and may create a result that can move the team further along.

I look to others as a resource, not as competition. When remaining humble and realize we are not the experts in all areas, we can open the door to new learning opportunities every day. Opportunities present themselves every day; you just need to recognize them and embrace them, then pass them on.

I see Jodi as a woman, mother, and industry leader. I hope she sees me as the same. So, my message here is this: I was able to embrace another woman who is launching a new venture, and every day, we both give the best to our audience. I do not see it as bringing in competition. I see it as two female professionals bringing the best of themselves to their team every day and collaborating to bring the best of themselves every day!

As people reach out to ask me for mentoring, I have embraced this. Yes, I am embarking on mentoring young leaders through a class where we collaborate and mastermind to bring those young professionals to the next level. This still gives me much joy and hope for our future. We all need to give back. So, look to embrace each other. The only competition is the one you create for yourself. Embrace, uplift, work together for the best of our profession, and remain humble.

For example, a client is struggling with leadership. Let’s reach out to someone you respect in the industry. Next, come up with a game plan that works for all. Be able to step back and let another take the lead for a bit. Clients will see the benefit. It is truly a gift that can give yourself, your team, and the team you are working with.

In closing, I have had the opportunity to meet some wonderful women that have embraced me along the way. We have shared experiences that have enlightened our

careers along with enhancing our personal experiences, sometimes just having someone that can listen to what you are experiencing while working with teams and lending advice can be so valuable to all involved.

We all need that TLC every now and then. We all need to use each other as resources. We all need to realize it is okay to call on each other. There is plenty in our profession for everyone. Do not look at each other as competition. Look at each other as a new opportunity to learn. As women, we’re natural nurturers. We are so enabled to help each other move through our careers. How lucky are we!

Remember to remain humble, healthy, and giving through all experiences. Only the best will come to you then. I love my women counterparts. Life has been enriched just from watching them.

About the authors:

Dee is CEO of Fischer Professional Group and has decades of experience growing DSOs helping doctors create systems, accountability, and passion in the workplace. She has been an integral part of several DSOs’ exponential growth, guiding the operations and HR management to scale to larger organizations

Dee helps practice owners construct state-of-the-art locations, providing a seamless and fun experience while delivering a remarkable turn-key project on time and within budget.

RESILIENCE

LAUGHTER REALLY IS THE BEST MEDICINE

Ihad a nervous breakdown in the Spring of 2018.

“Nervous

breakdown”

It used to be really hard for me to say those words. There’s a stigma attached to them, and with it comes the prevailing feeling of shame.

For me, “nervous breakdown” meant a complete breakdown of all my mental, physical and emotional connections. It was as if all of my memories just brokeand boy, did they break. The collapse was catastrophic. I had had some significant trauma as a small child, followed by abuse as an adolescent. When I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance in my late 40s, the only way my mind could protect me was to assume all the guilt and shame. My body responded with insomnia, hypertension, vertigo, early menopause, nausea, dizziness, and loss of appetite.

Over the course of four years I lost the ability to eat. I couldn't remember how to breathe without feeling the emotion of fear. I lost thirty-five pounds in the span of about six weeks - that was about a quarter of my body weight. Ultimately what caused me to seek treatment was having my left TMJ stuck in a closed lock. Thanks to my TMJ/orofacial pain specialist, I found a whole team of heroes to help me put myself back together.

Let me be very clear here.

I did not know how to feel better. I could not imagine what better would even feel like. I didn’t know how to feel anything. It felt as though all the connections had been unplugged.

That summer I saw a biofeedback doctor, a trauma

By

Dr. Laura Collatz

therapist, a physical therapist, a pain specialist, and a psychiatrist and a hypnotherapist.

Since I’m the ever-nerdy science girl, I asked for resources and books. I started learning neuroscience, psychology, nutrition - everything I could get my hands on. I ended up giving myself a priceless gift: Time. I gave myself time to heal.

I fell in love with the human brain and its untapped capabilities. I learned about how our thoughts create our feelings and those create our actions. The more we perform any behavior, the more entrenched that behavior is.

Every pathway starts out just like footprints in fresh snow: Changing patterns of behavior, like the ones leftover from my trauma that were hijacking my amygdala with complex PTSD symptoms, takes commitment, practice, and most of all, time.

We are what we practice - what we practice doing, feeling, and being. I was terrified and miserable and all I knew how to do was more of the same.

While this seems like an oversimplification, changing your life should be as simple and as hard as making a new pathway through the snow.

In the beginning, I spent time relearning how to breathe; how to be still and silent with myself. I had to learn how to trust my skills, hard won wisdom and intuition again. Eventually, I changed my pathways.

It’s several years later and I have to say, as I learned to manage my mind with thought work, I also learned how

to manage my body’s responses. I now have a whole suitcase full of tools to deactivate my vagus nerve and reactivate my autonomic nervous system: breathing, humming, singing, painting, and laughter. Laughter yoga quite specifically as of late. I recently became certified as a laughter yoga instructor. This has had such a huge impact on my life both personally and professionally.

I should back up a little. What is laughter yoga?

Well, it’s not stretching into warrior pose, farting, and laughing.

Laughter Yoga is a unique exercise program where anyone can laugh for no reason, without jokes or comedy. Rather, laughter yoga is purposeful breathing and vocalizing that is not prompted by social cues or humor. In LY, you laugh for entirely different reasons than you might laugh spontaneously. We initiate laughter together as a group. With eye contact and childlike playfulness, this laughter quickly becomes genuine and contagious. It combines laughter exercises and deep breathing, which bring more oxygen to your brain and body causing you to feel more healthy and energetic.

Fun Fact: your body and brain do not know the difference between laughter that is spontaneous and laughter that is intentional. The health benefits are the same. It only takes between 45 and 90 seconds for your body to start producing serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin once you start laughing.

Let me repeat that last bit.

When you laugh on purpose you can create a cocktail of happy chemicals and feel better within minutes. RIGHT NOW. You can decrease your circulating cortisol AND your blood pressure. You can have more toned abs. (Yes, I have science to back that up.)

All you have to do is laugh.

To gain the long term benefits of laughter, it needs to be a sustained, hearty laughter. Ten to fifteen minutes at a pop is a fantastic workout for your abs. It activates your parasympathetic nervous system, stimulates the production of natural killer and T-cells, and activates your diaphragm. When you combine purposeful laughter with specific laughter yoga exercises, your body can learn to respond differently to stressors at the unconscious level. You can forge new pathways, intentionally.

While I was becoming certified to teach laughter yoga, part of the process involved filming myself teaching the various points of laughter yoga and laughter exercises and posting them to the group. I also was challenged to laugh for one minute every day and post that video as well. I had instructions to recruit friends, family, neighbors etc. to laugh with me. I was encouraged to share the laughter. This was much harder than I anticipated and I

was embarrassed and disappointed a few times. So far the biggest fan seems to be my 6 year old grandson Kieran. We practice laughter exercises together, especially when we’re in the car. Children laugh between 300-400 times every day. Adults laugh 17 times a day and for only 3-4 seconds at a time. As we “grow up” we lose the ability to tap into our creative brain.

Sometimes we can’t just forge ahead in the snow. We can’t always just laugh when we’re deep in the thick of some of the shit life throws at us. Sometimes, we can’t even imagine feeling better.

It’s easier to stay in that trench. It’s much more comfortable to come home from work and have a glass of wine or two, scroll around on social media while ignoring the television than it is to change and do something unfamiliar.

Even when that change is only for one minute. Change is hard. Fundamental change on a deep core level takes commitment, vision, and time.

I’m talking about laughing on purpose for one minute a day. I’m talking about committing to spending 60 seconds to change your body chemistry for the better. When you have less cortisol, when your parasympathetic nervous system is in the driver’s seat, you make better decisions, think creatively, stay healthier and feel better.

You bet your britches that’s a fundamental change. I’d like to invite you, reading this now, to challenge yourself. Try to laugh for one minute every day for 40 days. No, you don’t have to film it, just commit to doing it. When you laugh, you change yourself; when you change yourself, you change the world. If one minute seems monumental, try laughing for just 5 seconds and work your way up.

Practicing laughter yoga has been life changing for me. Now that I’m teaching and therefore laughing on a regular basis, I am more focused, relaxed and far happier than I’ve ever been.

Laughter is a fantastic place to start - it only takes a minute. Call me up and I’ll laugh with you. It’s easier with a friend.

About Dr. Laura Collatz

Repressed emotional pain can manifest through physical pain, chronic illness, or an emotional meltdown. Drawing from her personal experience with trauma, Laura Collatz, DDS presents dental professionals with the skills and understanding to cope and heal personally and professionally. A certified laughter yoga instructor with additional training in neuroscience and coaching, Laura teaches emotional strength training. Her clients report less work-related stress, increased profits and better relationships as a result of their work together.

THE LEGACY OF A LIFE INTERRUPTEDMANAGING GRIEF AFTER A DENTIST DIES OF ORAL CANCER

By Dr. Parul Dua Makkar

What is legacy? It is defined as a long-lasting impact of particular events or actions that took place in the past or of a person’s life. Does one need to have a long life to leave a legacy? Or does a moment make a person’s legacy? Sometimes it’s the quality rather than a quantity of a life.

A sibling is a friend for life, the one who walks along you. A witness to a life that you once shared. You rely on your younger sibling to outlive you, not plan his funeral. Dr. Manu Dua, was my younger and only sibling. He was meant to outlive my parents, my husband, and me. He was meant to plan my funeral telling my children my stories not the other way around. In that present of March 2021, I lost the keeper of my past and a part of my future.

When I lost Manu, I had no manuscript on how to process grief. He died at the time of COVID, when the world was collectively mourning other losses. I was away from my parents, my brother, and my other core family and his friends. My parents were navigating through their own grief. I had the difficult task to say goodbye on a video call. No final hugs, kisses, no physical touch. I watched my parents do the unimaginable with a strength I can’t fathom. They kissed his deceased body and left hospice alone, and came home alone in the dark. I did not even have the ability to hug my parents or provide any words of

comfort. These darkest hours were very hard and they stay vivid in my mind. They defined the new person I became.

I had my trip planned to Canada the next morning. Taking the flight to Canada from the US alone, knowing I am going to plan a funeral. Trying not to cry on the way because it was challenging with a mask on. A lot of my grieving was alone, in my thoughts, while driving alone or when sleep became a stranger. My grief was unique. I had no core family near me, no one to remember him with. While my parents had each other, another child, and grandkids. I had no sibling and his absence created a huge vacuum in my life. It changed my identity from having a sibling to being an only child. Things that I was promised and somewhat entitled to where no longer an option. At the funeral home all I thought of was that I will have to sit at this table and plan this twice for each of my parents. And again, I will do this alone. I will not have Manu to share the little nuances of our parents. The inside jokes, sharing family stories at the dinner table, building memories of each other’s families and sharing our parents’ legacies with my children and nieces/nephews.

However, life does not go as planned. We try to make sense of the senseless. Grief has hit me like a tsunami taking my breath away, at times in silent tears and at times in happy memories. I cannot change the past but I wanted

to navigate the future to a greater good. I had to find a way to navigate this grief without losing myself or going into a dark and dangerous place. I had young children watching me and looking for guidance. This moment altered their lives tremendously. And it changed me.

I have realised that those who were not there for me in my sadness, whether family and friends, do not need to be in my joys either. That time is a precious commodity and I do not need to justify how I spend it. It is mine for the time being. Money, wealth, physical commodities are all replaceable. But time… time cannot be returned, refunded or replaced. It is our most precious asset. So, be wise with how and with whom you choose to spend it with.

For Manu, his legacy were his words. He was perfectly happy knowing even if this book (Life Interrupted, Dr. Dua’s Survival Guide) didn’t come around, he had found peace in his soul. And he says, it was tragedy that made it so. I feel fortunate that he did leave a manuscript behind. Words that I can reflect on and still have him as a guide.

I was faced with the unimaginable at the worst of times and in worst of circumstances. With COVID border closures, I was unable to travel freely between USA and Canada. Like many of the DEW readers, I am a business owner, a dentist, a mom, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, and wear many hats. I could not stop time to allow myself to navigate what had happened. To process this unthinkable reality. A loss so unique due to COVID and Manu being my only sibling. Manu had no children that could perhaps be a reflection of him. What helped me grieve was this book, writing, and helping him finish the journey he started. What helped me was creating the podcast, Life Interrupted, Dr. Dua’s Survival Guide Podcast Companion. I was unable to be there for most of his life. I was a phone call, a flight away.

I was not there in his last days; I was not there in person for the last goodbye. However, I am extremely lucky, and I do not say this lightly, to have this podcast. The guests on this podcast are special people and were selectively chosen, many were asked, few obliged. It gave me insight to the other facets of Manu - stories I did not know. These snippets filled in the gaps that I had. Things that I may have missed or overlooked. Things about Manu I took for granted. I did not have a village around me protecting me from grief. I created this village. This village is pretty special. Each guest spoke and expressed themselves in purity and for that I am grateful. Those who chose not be on the podcast wrote to me sharing his memories. I am touched by that. This was a way to express unexpressed love and final goodbyes. A chance stolen due to COVID. I hope that this helped bring them the closure we all needed.

At the time of a loved one’s death, you really do not know what happened. You are almost in autopilot; you are in shock. Doing but not processing. It is after a while that the mind realises what the body went through. People express their sympathies and leave. The guests of the podcast are the stragglers. Who stayed when it mattered, when the ashes had cooled, when the tears had dried, after the flowers had wilted and phone calls of sympathies had

stopped. For each of them I am eternally grateful. Their plates are full in themselves, maybe overflowing yet they carved time for Manu. I am grateful to know that Manu had different relationships with each of them and he was surrounded with love in his last days. He was and is still cherished and that is a big comfort. I am also thankful to the power of the Universe that connected me to the creator of the podcast, Dr. Diana P Harris, that worked selflessly and tirelessly to make this podcast what it is. The Universe brought me many people to help me and I hope that in time, I am able to pay it forward.

I want to share a story of the power of the Universe as I have experienced it. As I was in Calgary after Manu’s death, sleep was difficult to come by. Thus, I went hunting or the Aurora Borealis (the Northern Lights) with my mom. I had never seen them before. It was a “pants on night” as per the chaser’s lingo, as all the values were just right for the viewing. So, I dragged my mom in the wee cold hours and we drove to the outskirts of Calgary. While driving I saw the waves of white, I started taking pictures and I saw the green hue. The lights are seen white with the naked eye and its colors are only revealed on camera. The lights were there and dancing. It is said by the natives of Canada that the lights are the old souls coming to Earth to

welcome the new souls. It is a time to rejoice, to celebrate. And if you listen ever so carefully, they sing to you. I saw those lights dance for a long time at 1 am.  That day was March 21st, 2021 - the day we cremated Manu. It was the Universe talking and I am grateful that it taught me to be strong, resilient, and not lose hope. It gave me amazing parents that made me who I am. It gave me a supportive husband who has been my rock, putting my pieces back together each time I fell apart. It gave me an incredible brother, although for a short time. It showed me that Manu’s still out there listening and teaching. I am grateful to you, the readers, who have found meaning in this. May Manu’s death not be a statistic but a reflection. A reflection of how you want to lead your life, what matters to you, what dreams you want to accomplish, how you want to be remembered and memorialized. What is the legacy you leave behind?

“…Our lives will come and go, but our ideas will remain immortal, and therefore in essence the soul behind our work remains eternal. So, seek not to fear your own mortality, but rather embrace the challenge to create something that will outlive your fears and wildest imaginations, such that you may be able to provide service years after you have dearly departed. Live with the strength that not only is this not possible, but quite tangible if we can simply let go of fears that will not serve us with any purpose in this life or next.”- Excerpt from Life Interrupted, Dr. Dua’s Survival Guide by Dr. Manu Dua

About the author:

Propel

Dr. Parul Dua Makkar is the owner of PDM Family Dental in Long Island, NY, a place she resides in with her husband and 2 boys. Dr. Makkar's life took a different trajectory when she lost her only and younger sibling, Dr. Manu Dua, to Oral Cancer last year. He was a Dentist as well. Since his death, she devotes her time educating doctors and patients alike about risk factors, prevention and advocating for early diagnosis of Oral cancer. She has coauthored several Dental journals, has been presenting lectures to Dentists and has been a guest at several podcasts, besides her own podcast. She is the recipient of the Denobi Awards 2022 as well as LI Excellence in Healthcare 2022. She has also coauthored of the book ‘Life Interrupted, Dr. Dua’s Survival Guide’ which is a finalist for the CIPA Envy Award. She can be reached at Parul_dua@yahoo.com or Instagram @pdmfamilydental.

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NAOMI AND THE WIDOWS CLUB

By Dr. Kim Harms

Every profession has its educator icons, the names that draw big crowds because they provide important information and wisdom. For the dental profession, in the baby boomer generation, that icon was Naomi Rhode - dental hygienist extraordinaire.

My husband and dental partner, Jim, attended Naomi’s seminars, which frequently included practice management advice from her husband Jim, wherever we could find them. On one beautiful weekend retreat at Mackinaw Island, however, we discovered that the Rhode icon image was not earned by simply changing professional lives, they were deeply devoted to helping transform the personal lives of seminar attendees, especially the lives of dental couples. On that day, God put us in the right place at the right time.

As we drove to the retreat, I was suffocating in a shroud of guilt and shame. Our office had just suffered a horrific tragedy when my office manager’s daughter became paralyzed by accidentally diving into a sandbar on a quiet beach in Santa Barbara. She was on a college hunting trip with my daughters, my niece, and me. I will never forget the horrible call I had to make to her mom. My family was brought back in one piece. Her daughter would never walk again. Our manager blamed me, I blamed me, and our team came together to help, but the entire office was covered in a blanket of shame and guilt; my blanket was double.

Jim and Naomi offered a bonus at that seminar. They

would meet individually with attendees, especially dental couples, and discuss any problems they were having that they could help with. My husband and I met with them and explained our office situation. During the meeting, I broke down describing the horrific guilt I felt and my longing for forgiveness from my office manager. Naomi looked at me with her amazingly kind face and asked me if our manager had a faith or belief system that focused on forgiveness. I said I didn’t think so. Then Naomi said something that changed my life. She said: “Well, Kim, it may be impossible for her to forgive you, and you may just have to accept that and move forward.” This was a revelation to me, and I immediately felt a great weight lift from my shoulders. Although we would struggle to work together for the next couple of years, I was able to keep my head out of the guilt pit long enough to see the next steps.

Almost 20 years later, I met Naomi again. Those 20 years had been marked by even more tragedy. On January 31st, 2009, I lost my kind, loving, brilliant son Eric to suicide. That loss shattered me into pieces and drove me back into the pit and under the ooze— for years. My time in the pit lengthened even more as my husband Jim suffered numerous health issues, including liver cancer, severe diabetes, kidney failure, and heart failure. My own health issues included back and neck problems that ultimately caused permanent nerve damage to my drilling fingers, ending my career in clinical dentistry 16 years before my planned retirement.

Fortunately, I was asked by my daughter Hillary to join

her dental law practice, and I began a speaking career that allowed me to share my experiences in conflict, grief, transition, and crisis management with other dental professionals. It was at a dental speakers conference when I met Naomi and Jim again. I thanked Naomi for her help at Mackinaw, and she offered to be my speaker’s coach. In a heartbeat, I said yes and began my new profession with the best coach ever!

But the pain was not over. On August 8, 2020, after 44 years of marriage, I lost my husband Jim to congestive heart failure. Once again, I found myself in the familiar living room of the grief pit, attempting to adjust to the new reality of my life without Jim. And once again, Naomi Rhode came to my rescue. Naomi shared with me that one of the biggest fears in her life was becoming a widow. This fear was compounded by the number of her friends who had become widows recently. But rather than joining me in my living room of grief and fear, Naomi did what true icons do and faced her fear dead on!

Naomi decided to form a grief support group to help those of us who had just become widows. She asked us if we would like to meet once a week and offer support for each other. Who could turn down meeting weekly with Naomi? No one!

We share the same faith, so this group allows us to delve deeply into our grief, our beliefs about God, and the big picture of life and death. It’s hard to talk about death without acknowledging spiritual beliefs, and this group offered complete freedom to express those beliefs. Our weekly Zoom calls are a lifesaver to me and a pillar I hang onto. We are sisters in Christ, and feel free to share our stories in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Naomi had successfully birthed A Safe Strong Place.

It has been almost two years since we started meeting, and Naomi has not missed a beat. Naomi’s plan was for us to branch off and start our own groups, but no one wanted to leave our weekly safe cocoon. We laugh,

we cry, frequently at the same time. We give each other support. Instead of branching off, we decided to write a book, Naomi and the Widows Club. The book describes our widowhood journey and how we met Naomi. It also includes 52 weeks of Naomi’s devotions which can be used by others to form their own groups. Included below is an excerpt of Naomi’s words

Naomi Rhode, at age 84, is still a true icon of dentistry.

NAOMI AND THE WIDOW’S CLUB: A SAFE STRONG PLACE AFTER THE LOSS OF A SPOUSE

II. Corinthians 1:4 says, "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others when they are troubled. We will then be able to give the same comfort that He has given to us."

The whirlpool was hot and bubbling, and my husband and I were relaxing together talking about “LEGACY LEAVING!”

We have had an amazing 65 years of marriage....yes, we were VERY young when we married. We have 3 children, 12 grandchildren, and expecting our 8th great-grandchildren (and counting)...our “quiver” is full. We started and built a wonderful Medical/Dental Company, SmartPractice, which is now in the capable hands of our son-in-law, a physician, and our daughter, a dentist. We have had 42 years of professional speaking in every state and 17 countries and are enjoying Business, Life, and Speaking Coaching. Jim was Entrepreneur of the Year in Arizona one year, we have both been President of the National Speakers Association, and I have been President of the Global Speakers Federation.

It is an abundant life filled with the richness of God’s

Resilience

goodness and grace.

Back to ‘the whirlpool musing’!

Jim has always been an excellent and intuitive guide in my life choices. So, I asked him, “Is there anything I have not done to glorify God and leave a ‘lasting legacy?”

His reply was quick and definite: “Naomi, after your dad died when you were 13, you experienced ten years of loving and helping your Mother in her grieving. She was ill when he died, and she lived only until you were 23 years old. Your mother had very little money, and life was hard. Because of that experience, you have always feared being a widow and have had a deep concern for women who have lost their spouses!

“Why

not start a ministry for widows?”

I quickly shared with Jim the names of 8 widows, dear friends, whom I had been praying for. These women lived in different parts of the country and did not know each other, but all of them knew me. They had come to our seminars, heard me speak, or were speaker colleagues or friends.

They all loved the Lord, and all of them wanted to serve Him even through their grieving. They were incredible women!

After praying...(always a good thing to do, I KNOW), I wrote a Plan and Behavioral Objective for a project that I had in mind.

I would have a Zoom call with widows for 1 hour per week. Beforehand, I would send a preamble, subject, scripture, and or commentary on the subject and questions for them to be prepared to answer on the call.

I would take the first 5-7 minutes to set the agenda for the call, have prayer, and then each woman would spend time answering the questions.

I sent this proposal to the eight women, and ALL of them said “YES.”

We were off and running!

We are in our second year and 40th week of our weekly Zoom meetings...with almost everyone on each of the calls!

These gals are outstanding women of God...with Purpose, Passion, and Pizzaz...and have bonded incredibly into a fantastic ‘group’ of supportive, caring people.

This past fall, we held a 3-day retreat in a hotel in Scottsdale, Arizona.

It was a ‘WOW’ experience when they finally met in person, ending with a boat ride on an Arizona lake (yes, we do have some of those), releasing balloons with our prayer for guidance, and goals to further develop and glorify His Kingdom.

We named the group “Safe Strong Place (God).”

We wanted it to be, indeed, a “safe, strong place” of vulnerability, security, and accountability. And...GOD is the ever-present “place” where we come together...in His grace, His goodness, and for His glory!

My goal has been (from the beginning) that more groups like this would start. I am very supportive of Grief Groups that meet in churches. I also know that these small ‘singlefocused groups’ can have an openness that a larger group may not be able to have, and a specificity that also may be difficult in a larger context.

When this book project was suggested, we all were delighted. This book is designed to be used as a group or individual study for those facing loss.

NOW, it is up to you, dear reader, to take up the banner.

God is very clear in His desire that we include in our life legacy the concern, care, and prayer with and for widows. In James 1:27, we read, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I have carefully kept all our agenda outlines so that you have a ‘blueprint’ to use, should you desire.

‘To God Be The Glory’ is my Life Theme... May it be so, through us, this book, And now, through YOU! Amen and Amen

About the author:

Dr. Harms practiced dentistry as an enlisted officer in the U.S. Public Health Service, as a dental associate, and for most of her career as co-owner of a private practice in Farmington, MN. She developed a pilot project for the State of Minnesota to deliver care to developmentally disabled patients living in group homes which is still going strong 28 years later. Dr. Harms was honored to serve as a Clinical Assistant Professor in the areas of operative and hospital dentistry at Loyola University Medical Center and School of Dentistry. She was also the first woman president of the Minnesota Dental Association and served on the American Dental Association's Council on Governmental Affairs representing the 10th District.

RADICAL FORGIVENESS IN OUR MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS

It was Wednesday, October 20th in Chicago when Samantha ran home during lunch to grab her gym clothes. She noticed her husband’s computer open, and it caught her eye because while Adam works from home, he never leaves his laptop open.

Curiosity getting the best of her, she glances at the screen and opens the email tab. Most of the emails look professional, except one subject line has a smiley face emoji in it. Samantha clicks on the email and pops open a message to Adam from a co-worker, Emily. This was definitely not a professional email as it was written like a message instead of well-thought-out work correspondence. Samantha’s eyes darted around the message to notice that there were details of where they would meet, and she signed the message, “I can’t wait to be in your arms again soon.” At that moment, her world changed as she lost her self-identity of being a competent and confident professional woman in a solid marriage that she was proud of. Like an out-of-body experience, she noticed herself slowly sitting on the ground as she whisper-cried the word, “No.”

On the same day in Sacramento, at 8:47 pm, Danielle heard a knock on her parent’s door; she opened it to find two police officers. She remembers inviting them inside, but what happened next was a blur as the world fell into slow motion when she heard the taller officer tell her parents that her sister, Lisa, was in a car accident and didn’t survive.

Outside, Danielle heard the screech of tires and a slamming door in their driveway. In walks her fiancé, Ben. He had been crying. He held Danielle tight, but she noticed his body had begun shaking. She asked if he was okay, and he said to her, “You know I loved her, too.” Danielle held his hand and said she understood. Ben looked down shamefully and said, “No, I really loved her. I was in love with her, and now she’s gone.” Danielle’s heart sank, and tears welled up again as she ran outside into the cool, dark night. Ben didn’t follow her, and it

By Lani Grass

was the last time she ever saw him again.

There are a variety of forms of betrayal. For instance, a child can be betrayed when he or she is abused by the parents who are supposed to love and protect them. A spouse is betrayed when their partner has an affair. Betrayal is when someone you trust lies to you, abuses you, or cheats on you as they put their own self-interest first. Betrayals are devastating because you put your trust in the betrayer. When a betrayal occurs, It’s normal to feel a range of emotions; shock, anger, sadness, and even depression. The impact is so deep that in order to fully move on with our lives, we must figure out how to release the pain, and forgiveness is the ultimate journey in letting go. For the purpose of example, we will focus on forgiveness after an affair, but this information is useful in all situations.

Likely the first emotion we will experience is sadness, sadness in losing the relationship we thought we had. In this stage, we question what we thought the relationship was all about. We may wonder if we did something that would cause this event or worse; we may wonder what was wrong with us or why we weren’t enough. We may even ruminate on if we were even loved or considered during the betrayal. The questions we ask ourselves seldom have anything to do with the reason betrayal happened. People make mistakes, big mistakes for many reasons that have nothing to do with us, even if it impacts us directly. If we decide to stay in the relationship, we can feel stuck in the in-between of figuring out how to forgive and how to move ahead with our lives.

commIt to rebu IldIng the relatIonshIp

Studies show that affairs end in one of three ways: divorce and remarriage, divorce and relationship loss, or recommitment to the original relationship. If we want to

recommit to our relationship, the most important thing to decide right now is what we want for our future. If we have decided to rebuild a stronger relationship with the one who broke our trust, we both need to make a commitment to that goal, and we both need to use conviction on what we are working on to overcome obstacles that will likely get in the way of our goal.

a llow the anger and let It go

We must allow ourselves to feel all the emotions of sadness and anger that we need to. Letting it all out and giving ourselves permission to cry as much as we need to will bring us closer to recovery. Know that sadness will likely give way to anger at times, and anger is a very appropriate reaction. Understand and appreciate the fact that if your partner is committed, they will champion your relationship by staying actively involved during this painful recovery process. This is to be acknowledged because it feels terrible to have someone be so angry at you for so long.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique, but if you, as the betrayed partner, have led with anger for an extended period of time (over a year), you might want to reevaluate if you are getting the results you are looking for. It’s important to have awareness if your anger is being used by you as a tool to get your partner to keep on proving to you he’s willing to stay and be accountable for his actions. It is also possible we could be using our anger to subconsciously test our partner to make us feel safe in our relationship again. This, however, is counterintuitive because no matter how bad the betrayal, humans can only sustain being targeted with this kind of animosity for a limited time. The result could be that they give up and walk away, believing that you just cannot get over your anger and hurt. And this may or may not be your desire at all!

In rebuilding a trusted relationship, we should also look at our partner’s current point of view. Objectively, if we are often angry or always likely to become angry, our significant other is more likely to lie to us or hide things from us, and this is counterintuitive to what we want and need from our partner. It’s a very difficult situation as it is very normal to feel angry, but notice how long you stay in that energy. Staying in the anger cycle for too long will end in escalation or end the relationship. So, from the vantage of rebuilding trust and moving on, focusing on anger can be a big mistake, and at some point, we have to make a decision to try to let it go if we want to make a faster recovery.

self-love and forg I veness

How do we forgive someone who hurt us? The most impactful way to forgive someone is to make sure that we tap into selflove. Self-love is having compassion and acceptance for ourselves. There are many reasons we suffer after a betrayal, and one of the biggest reasons we suffer is because we feel we have lost something in the process. It could be that we

feel we have lost our self-esteem, self-worth, self-identity, or our ability to be joyful and peaceful. We feel distressed because, without these elements, we don’t feel like we’re on solid ground. The truth is that all of these components are something we can give to ourselves. Even if it seems unfair, It’s up to us to re-claim those attributes, and it’s up to us to take action to feel the way we want to feel.

But how do we achieve this? We need to make sure we regain the best parts of ourselves before the transgression occurred. Who were we before that incident happened to us? How did we used to look at the world? Were we more trusting, more carefree, more joyful? We need to go back and actually implement that person again. This action will empower us by keeping ourselves whole and intact. Doing this will also give us strength and allows us to move towards forgiveness. It is not saying the event didn’t matter, or that it wasn’t wrong, it’s really about not allowing the pain to change us into a version of ourselves that we don’t like or respect. When we achieve this version of ourselves, we will have much more capacity to forgive.

can we sk Ip to the good part?

We cannot skip to the good part, but we can re-focus on the good parts of our relationship and what we are grateful for. We can now write our life story in a way that incorporates the painful chapters and lessons learned and who we are becoming as a couple. We can also write our personal stories to incorporate the stronger, more evolved version of who we have become in the process by asking, “Who am I becoming because of this painful journey?”

Once these steps are taken, we will be surprised at how much of our personal suffering will have been alleviated. It is finally from this vantage point that we can lean into the kind of forgiveness that transforms ourselves and others in the process.

About the author: Lani is a Career and Life Strategist, Coach, and Speaker. She is the founder of waveofwomen.com and Confidence Call. She spends her time working with women on identifying their authenticity, and how they want to show up in the world and then builds a path to self-actualizing. Specializing with women in dentistry, she is known for leadership coaching and her programs, Women of Influence in Dentistry and The Resilience Method. Born in Thailand, she now lives in China Spring, Texas, with her husband and her youngest daughter. Her burning desire is to use her mastery to help women recognize and play a bigger role in who they are, so they grow confident to create the life and career they love. Her philosophy: When women own and use their feminine strength, the world becomes a better place.

HOW DID SHE GET THAT JOB? A STORY OF NEVER SAYING NO AND A LITTLE BIT OF LUCK

By Pamela Maragliano-Muniz, DMD

Inever considered a career in the dental field. In fact, when I was growing up, I didn’t even floss regularly, and I knew I was considered “a bad patient” by my orthodontist. I always loved animals, so I figured that I would become a veterinarian or maybe a career in the medical field, but dentistry was not even a fleeting thought. My dad encouraged me to become a dental hygienist, as this career offers schedule flexibility and excellent pay. The local dental hygiene program was 2 years long, so I figured I could always pursue another career if I didn’t enjoy dental hygiene. I agreed to pursue dental hygiene, having no idea how much I would love the dental industry. While working as a dental hygienist, I discovered my passion for prosthodontics, but dental hygiene has remained a priority in my approach to patient care.

a leader vs. a woman-leader

I’ve always been comfortable in a leadership position if it occurred organically. I grew up playing the goalie position for an ice hockey team. Women's hockey leagues were non-existent back in the day, so I ended up being the only female in my hockey league. At the time, it didn’t seem like an unusual circumstance, but this experience inadvertently taught me that excellence is achievable

regardless of traditional gender roles and others’ opinions of me play an irrelevant role in my life.

I didn’t consider gender demographics when I was applying to dental school or selecting my specialty training. When I graduated from dental school, the femaleto-male ratio was nearly even. That was not the case at the time in prosthodontics, but my past experiences taught me to pursue my dreams, regardless if there were fewer women in the field. I remember being asked, “When will you have time to have a family with all your aspirations?” during an interview for a residency program. A question that I’d bet that many men don’t get. I remember replying that I was “building the life I want, not planning around the life I don’t have.” When it comes to balancing work, life, and family, there are many factors that women must consider before pursuing a dream. It is common for women to put others first and save our dreams for last. I would argue that women are natural multi-taskers, and we can have it all.

e volutIon of a dental leader

I finished my residency in 2007, the same year that the Journal of the California Dental Association published

its groundbreaking October and November issues about the prevention of dental caries. I moved back to Boston in 2008, where I joined the practice where I previously worked as a dental hygienist. As I previously mentioned, dental hygiene was how I entered the dental industry, and prevention and providing excellent long-term outcomes were near to my heart. Our practice decided to implement the protocols that were beautifully detailed in the October and November issues of the Journal of the California Dental Association. We streamlined the recommendations for our practice, and as a result, our practice experienced exceptional clinical and practice management outcomes. We were able to document our findings via a chart review and presented our practices and results at the American Dental Association’s annual session in 2010. We were recognized as the ADA’s 2010 Adult Preventive Care Practice of the Year. It was that moment when my career was sent on a brand-new trajectory.

In 2010, I was splitting my time between treating patients in private practice and teaching at my dental alma mater and I loved it. In fact, I thought that this was my destiny, and this recognition from the ADA pretty much changed everything. I was immediately requested to lecture at major and local dental and dental hygiene meetings. I was asked to write articles about our caries management practices. I thought that the industry’s interest in this topic would last for a finite period of time, and I would go back to a normal schedule of practicing and teaching. Lecturing and writing introduced me to many friends, colleagues, and opportunities. Along the way, I was introduced to the editorial/ media side of the industry and discovered another passion. Here I am, 12 years after that little presentation at ADA; I own my own practice, lecture, write, and shoot videos, I’m not only the Chief Editor of Dental Economics magazine, but the first woman in this role. I am on the panel of Cellerant’s Best of Class Hygiene and Technology Awards, and I consult for Cellerant Consulting Group. I’ve had the privilege of traveling extensively for these roles, and all are a dream.

advIce for other women leaders

Many dental professionals reach out to me and ask me how they can get started sharing their passion with the industry. There are principles that have only helped me along the way, and I’m delighted to share them with you:

Find your passion and cultivate it. If there is something you do that is different to better serve your patients, share it. Make a plan. Start writing. Reach out to companies whose products improve your outcomes and share your experiences. Our colleagues and our respective patients will be better for it. Whatever it is, nurture that passion; you may be surprised where it will lead.

It’s ok to say no, but never let fear or limiting beliefs be the reason. I will be forever grateful to myself for always saying yes to opportunities that have come my way. I remember wanting to run away when I was asked to give my first lecture, but I refused to say no if the reason for saying no was fear. Standing in front of an audience can be daunting, but if you are sharing your expertise on a topic that excites you, the experience can be extremely rewarding and, dare I say, exhilarating! Having said this, I am an advocate for healthy boundaries and maintaining a work-life balance; it is an exceptional skill to say “no” if you are overwhelmed or if you are experiencing a worklife imbalance.

There’s only one you, so be yourself. There is so much extrinsic pressure to always perform, always win, and always show your best self. We see it all the time on social media, people showing off a life that isn’t real. Moreover, we all know people that appear to have the best life online that are miserable. When pursuing something with passion and purpose, your light will shine. Don’t be afraid to let people see you. It’s ok if things don’t go as planned. Ask anyone that you consider to be successful- everyone has stumbled, been challenged, or has failed. It’s what you do after that builds character, demonstrates perseverance, and stimulates growth.

Don’t limit yourself with your imagination. I’ve never been able to create a 5-year plan. After experiencing how reality has always exceeded my imagination, I never will. Work hard and enjoy the ride. What a ride it will be!

About the author

Dr. Maragliano-Muniz was a dental hygienist before earning her DMD from Tufts University School of Dental Medicine and her certificate in Advanced Prosthodontics from UCLA School of Dentistry. She is a board-certified prosthodontist, the Chief Editor for Dental Economics. In addition, she is a Chief Development Officer for Cellerant Consulting Group, a faculty member at Tufts University School of Dental Medicine, and maintains a private practice in Salem, MA. She lectures internationally and is extensively published. Her passion for prevention has stayed with her throughout her career and in 2010, Dr. MaraglianoMuniz was awarded the 2010 Adult Preventive Care Practice of the Year by the American Dental Association.

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