Dental Entrepreneur Woman - Summer 2021

Summer 2021

BUSTING THROUGH DENTISTRY’S GLASS CEILING

Sonya Dunbar, RDH, MHA & Melissa Turner, BASDH, RDHEP, EFDA

THE NEW WAVE: CLAIMING YOUR THRONE IN DENTISTRY AS WOMEN TIME FOR CHANGE Lani Grass

FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE Janet Mumford, RDH

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As my team knows, I always write my editorial for our Dental Entrepreneur Women issues right after I run through the first proof. It gives me a chance to read all the amazing contributions from our DeWs and reflect on their words and how they affect me.

Summer 2021 Editor and Publisher Anne M. Duffy, RDH Assistant Editors

Advisory Board Emeritus Linda Miles

Michael Duffy Creative Consultant Beth Linesch Design and Layout Brian Rummel Production [CURAtive] James B. Kennedy Cover Photo Dominique Comerie Summer Contributors Karen Daw Sonya Dunbar Lani Grass Sandy Lee Janet Mumford Dana Salisbury Joanna Scott Amisha Singh Melissa Turner Social Media Nicole Mackey Web Management Bhakti Kulmala Charter Sponsors A-dec Crest Mary Fisher-Day Inspired Hygiene Patterson D5 Patterson Fuse Shofu

Advisors to the Board Victoria Peterson Katherine Eitel-Belt

Editorial Office 12233 Pine Valley Club Dr Charlotte, NC 28277 704-953-0261 Fax 704-847-3315 anneduffy@dew.life Send materials to: DeW Life Magazine 8334 Pineville Matthews Rd Ste. 103-201 Charlotte, NC 28226 Guidelines go to dew.life

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Board Dr. Meghna Dassani Cris Duval Vanessa Emerson Dr. Hazel Glasper Jasmin Haley Suzanne Kump Tonya Lanthier Dr. Laura Mach JoAn Majors Rachel Wall Junior Board Dr. Shakila Angadi Christie Bailey Dr. Erinne Kennedy Minal Sampat Dr. Amisha Singh

I can confidently say that this edition affected me in ways that I didn’t expect. I’m so inspired by the fact that we can tell these important stories, that we have a community that will take their lessons to heart and that I have the chance to share them with the world.

For me, this process started on a Friday. I shut off my phone after a day of backto-back podcasts and Zooms and all that. When I was on my second-to-last call, my sweet Tom was gently knocking on my office door, asking that I call my neighbor right away. I then realized there was a text thread regarding our weekly decompress drinks on the driveway starting around 5 p.m.

The additional part to this story is that my neighbors down the street were at war, and somehow I was square in the middle, unbeknownst to me. Not to get into the deets of middle-school action, it escalated into broken friendships and stubborn lines drawn in the sand. Pretty sure, with a little help from me, they are bound to make up :).

Now, this harkens back to everything I strive for with Principle #5 of our DeW mission: Be Kind. Don’t Be a Jerk. Let’s not forget # 6, Give People the Benefit of the Doubt. No Judging!

I know that all of the strong women that wrote for this magazine you’re reading follow those principles. I look no further than our cover DeWs, Sonya Dunbar and Melissa Turner, who shared a great conversation in a form that we really haven’t seen in these pages before. Two friends, just talking about what makes their businesses go and how they lean on each other for guidance and support. It is a powerful read, and I think you’ll agree.

We also got to hear from Janet Mumford, who recounts her story of a harrowing, life-altering experience that reinforced how strong she is and taught her how to double-down on resilience.

I’d also love to direct you Joanna Scott’s testimony about rising up in the middle of relationship storms. The past year has been difficult on all of us, as we had to change our lifestyles, both at work and at home. Some of those changes have been beneficial, but many have exacerbated the issues that we kept below the surface. Her words can offer clarity to those readers who may still feel at sea.

I’m so happy we can bring all these powerful stories to you through these pages.

I hope you feel the principles that we espouse in all of the articles, just like I do.

Together, we can DeW small things with great love! .

Keep DeWing,

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Busting Through Dentistry’s Glass Ceiling Sonya Dunbar, RDH, MHA & Melissa Turner, BASDH, RDHEP, EFDA

The New Wave: Claiming your Throne in Dentistry as Women Time for change Lani Grass

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Fighting For My Life

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The F Word

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Grief is a Crazy Thing…

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Finding Hope in the Middle of Relationship Storms

Janet Mumford, RDH

Karen Daw

Sandy Lee, RDH

Joanna Scott

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Lead ‘Em or Lose ‘Em Creating A Feedback Culture Dana Salisbury, MBA, SHRM-CP, SHRM-TA

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Self Care for Women Not Just During a Pandemic Amisha Singh, DDS

DeWers.................................6 Living Your Strengths......... 16 Resilience...........................20 Success..............................28 Reflection...........................36

DeWERS

BUSTING THROUGH DENTISTRY’S GLASS CEILING How Two Women Entrepreneurs Are Leading the Charge for a Better Future Through Diversity, Inclusion & Friendship

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t’s a new day in dentistry.

A day that is written by traditions of the past yet shaped by traditions of the future.

A day accelerated by technology and new ways of being.

who we are and directly shape the future. Take a moment and consider what kind of woman you are today, and what kind of woman you want to become. What choices can you make today to lead yourself into a brighter future?

A day brimming with diversity, inclusion and innovative types of community.

Here are three guiding principles that we both use every day in our personal and professional lives to help make choices that allow our dreams to become reality. Take a peek:

Right now, dentistry is experiencing a moment of significant change … and women are leading the charge.

Collaborate and surround yourself with other powerful women who support you.

Female French philosopher and activist Simone deBeauvoir says it best, “One is not born a woman, but rather becomes one.” The same rings true within our beloved dental industry — we are not born powerful woman in dentistry; rather, we become powerful women through our choices.

Own being a woman and embrace the entirety of who you are — the good, the bad, the ugly.

// Hello! We’re Sonya and Melissa, and we’re honored to share our story of passion, friendship and entrepreneurship with you! We’ve learned a lot through our collective 40-plus years in the dental industry, and we’ve especially learned that the choices we make as women — both individually and collectively — make us

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By Sonya Dunbar, RDH, MHA & Melissa Turner, BASDH, RDHEP, EFDA

Carve your own path and free yourself from the constructs of tradition.

We love a good story, and we invite you to be a part of a larger conversation as we work together with the DEW community and women in dentistry to help usher in a bright future for our industry. In the meantime, we’d like to share our story with you and give you a glimpse into our everyday lives. We hope to join together in conversation with you soon! //

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DeWERS

Melissa Turner: Sonya! I’m so glad we’re able to sit down and share our unique story with the DEW community. I’ve been in dentistry almost 20 years, and I can say that it’s a very rewarding profession! Being a woman in dentistry is an amazing thing … but, honestly, being a woman in dentistry can have its own struggles, too. Our journey together over the past few years has been the most fun part of my career! Even though we both still have our own autonomy and personal brands, we also now own multiple businesses together. Remember when we first met?

Sonya Dunbar: How can I forget … it’s our running joke that we met online! The strange thing is we were both looking for the one love we share which is our passion for mobile dentistry. Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room: how did a sexy Gen X-er become business partners with a sassy Millennial? Think about it — you live on the West Coast in Oregon, and I’m on the east coast in Florida. You’re a stay-at-home mother and gardener, and I’m an empty-nester and fashion diva! You’re white, and I am black. With that being said, I must add over the last year, we have had to have some heartfelt conversations that weren’t always comfortable — but yet necessary — which made our friendship and business partnership more resilient.

MT: You’re totally right. This last year has been quite interesting with what our industry and country have gone through. For as different as we may be, though, we’re also eerily similar in some ways, too. We’re both Type A, social extraverts, love the stage, and we know how to give each other space. We’re both vegan, obsessed with olives,

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The Office and all about proudly embracing femininity.

Successful partnerships — whether a marriage, a lifelong friendship, or a business partnership — always take work, courageous conversations and intentional sacrifice. Together, you and I have been in tears of joy and tears of sadness, and we’ve shared our deepest passions. Most of all, we know that we’re here to build each other up and support one another. There’s rarely a day that goes by where I don’t talk to you or text you!

SD: Who would have thought that a farm girl from Pennsylvania would be BFFS with a girl from the big city?

We agree that business partnerships are like a game of chess — you've got to know the players. We know on any given day we can each be any piece on the board as we navigate the strategy of entrepreneurship. I’ve learned that to win you have to be courageous enough to take a chance, confident enough to do it when no one believes in you and creative enough to think outside the box.

Now you know my secrets — be courageous, confident and creative and, just like chess, every move must be intentional. Talking about being intentional, Melissa, you and I have faced diversity head on in dentistry which makes us intentional about being part of the change that is on the horizon in dentistry. I am excited to be part of the evolving diversity in dentistry … I visualize dental meetings of the future laced with different culture, ethnicity and lifestyles leading and working together!

MT: You are spot on! We’ve definitely had to face diversity head on which has only made us more passionate. Now Sonya, if you’re all about diversity, I’m all about inclusion!

It’s the yin and the yang. You can’t have one without the

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DeWERS other. What I know is that the future of dentistry looks very different than today, and it’s going to take all of us working from different angles to make it a brighter future.

Our female-dominated industry happens to be led by males right now, but we’re on the cusp of seeing this change since more females are graduating from dental school. I mean, just think about the natural changes that would accompany a female-led industry. Can you imagine a dental industry with better working hours for parents so we have time to drop off and pick our kids up at school? Can you imagine mandatory time blocked off in our schedules to pump breast milk — and not having to do it in a bathroom or car? Can you imagine a workplace filled with love, respect and wellbeing initiatives?

SD: The good thing is these changes will have a positive ripple effect on our patients. That is why I’m affectionately known as the Geriatric ToothfairyTM. My fight is to be a part of the change needed to improve the oral care conditions of aging adults in long term care facilities. My win is to be an advocate for policy changes in all long-term care facilities. It is not over until we win! I am sending out an S.O.S. — Saving Our Seniors One Smile at a time! I want a legion of Geriatric Toothfairies dedicated to ending dental disparities in nursing homes. We also have a successful

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mobile dental company where we service nursing homes in Florida and Georgia, and my goal is to equip other hygienists and dentists to start mobile practices in longterm care facilities. I am pursuing my doctoral degree to make a change for our aging adults and to be the voice to those whose voice has become a whisper!

MT: You are a powerhouse! And that’s another area where we see eye to eye — it all comes down to the patients. As @thetoothgirl, the bottom line of everything I do is to make dentistry a better place for not only the patient, but the provider, as well. We’ve got to put our own oxygen masks on first so we can give our patients the best chance at health. I’m also currently obsessed with technology and the potential of where tech innovations can take us in the future. But what I like most about the relationship we have together is that we each have our own things going on, our own autonomy, our own stories.

BUT we’ve come together to carve a new path and create a new story. We’ve launched successful businesses in addition to sharing both the stage and podcast mic together. Most of all, we have a blast doing it! My favorite conversations with you usually start with “What if ...” or, “Listen to this idea...” If a conversation begins like that, then I know we’re about to dream really big!

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Dr. Liran Levin, DMD, FRCD(C), FIADT, FICD

Professor of periodontology, University of Alberta, Canada.

When we are practicing dentistry, often we are used to hearing our colleagues say: ‘it works in my hands’ or, ‘I believe in this material’. However, we need to remember, that even when we feel ‘it works in our hands’ it is not always necessarily the case. We need to collect data properly and analyze it in a way that will be comprehensive and unbiased. When we are talking about evidencebased practice, there is a pyramid reflecting levels of evidence that we are referring to (Figure 1). This pyramid starts with in vitro lab research and goes through increasing levels of evidence until it reaches the top of the pyramid with systematic reviews and meta-analysis. In systematic reviews and meta-analysis, we are evaluating or analyzing data from a variety of studies done on a specific topic.

A recent example is a systematic review we published in the April 2020 edition of the Journal of the American Dental Association.1 In this study we evaluated and analyzed randomized controlled trials comparing oscillating rotating versus other powered toothbrushes. Our findings show evidence that oscillating rotating toothbrushes might remove more plaque and reduce the number of bleeding sites better than other powered toothbrushes.

FIGURE 1

Systematic Review on Oscillation-Rotation (OR) technology Another systematic review was done on data collected from randomized controlled studies at P&G showed that 65% of subjects transitioned to a ‘generally healthy’ gingival state with Oscillation-Rotation (OR) vs. only 20% of Manual brushers so they had 7.5 times higher odds of becoming healthy.2 The same trend was demonstrated comparing Oscillation-Rotation to sonic toothbrushes - 65% of subjects transitioned from gingivitis to a healthy state when using OR versus 51% for sonic brushes so they had almost two times higher odds of becoming healthy.2

Oral-B® iO™

The Oral-B® iO™ (Figure 2), combines the oscillation rotations from Oral-B’s iconic round brush head with the gentle energy of micro-vibrations and is designed to optimize the patient brushing experience, improve patient compliance and maximize clinical efficacy. By enabling excellent home care, the iO can help us support our main goal as dental practitioners, to prevent oral diseases and promote the best possible oral health for our patients.

WHAT DOES THE EVIDENCE SAY? the odds of transitioning from ‘not healthy’ (≥10% bleeding site) at baseline to ‘healthy’ (<10% bleeding sites) gingivitis status at week 8 was 14.5 times higher when using the electric brush than when using the manual brush A recent supplement of the International Dental Journal3 provides several key studies that highlight the qualities of the toothbrush. For example, in a randomized controlled study, designed to compare the Oral-B® iO™ toothbrush to a manual tooth-brush during an 8-week time period, it was reported that the odds ratio to transition from being a gingivitis patient to being a healthy patient after only 8 weeks was 14.5.4 This means, that the odds of transitioning from ‘not healthy’ (≥10% bleeding sites) at baseline to ‘healthy’ (<10% bleeding sites) gingivitis status at week 8 was 14.5 times higher when using the electric FIGURE 2 brush than when using the manual brush.

The frictionless, smooth magnetic drive system transfers energy to the bristle tips, where it’s needed most.

the odds of transitioning from ‘not healthy’ at baseline to ‘healthy’ at week 8 was 4.75 times higher when using the novel OR brush than when using the sonic brush, a highly significant difference In another randomized controlled study that compared the Oral-B® iO™ to a sonic toothbrush during an 8-week time period it was found that the odds ratio to transition from being a gingivitis patient to being a healthy patient after 8 weeks was 4.75.5 This means, again, that the odds of transitioning from ‘not healthy’ at baseline to ‘healthy’ at week 8 was 4.75 times higher when using the novel OR brush than when using the sonic brush, a highly significant difference.

Smart Pressure Sensor guides the user to brush in the effective plaque removal range of 0.8–2.5 Newtons (N), indicated by a red light when brushing too hard and a green light when brushing just right.

Learn more about Oral-B® iO™ at DENTALCARE.COM/IO or scan the QR code.

References: 1. Clark-Perry D, Levin L. Systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled studies comparing oscillating-rotating and other powered toothbrushes. J Am Dent Assoc.

2020;151(4):265-275; 2. Grender J, Adam R, Zou Y. The effects of oscillating-rotating electric toothbrushes on plaque and gingival health: A meta-analysis. Am J Dent. 2020;33(1):3-11; 3. Int Dent J. 2020;70 Suppl 1; 4. Grender J, Ram Goyal C, Qaqish J, Adam R. An 8-week randomized controlled trial comparing the effect of a novel oscillating-rotating toothbrush versus a manual toothbrush on plaque and gingivitis. Int Dent J. 2020;70 Suppl 1:S7-S15; 5. Adam R, Ram Goyal C, Qaqish J, Grender J. Evaluation of an oscillating-rotating toothbrush with microvibrations versus a sonic toothbrush for the reduction of plaque and gingivitis: results from a randomized controlled trial. Int Dent J. 2020;70 Suppl 1:S16-S21. ©2021 P&G ORAL-27123

SENSAT NAL CLEAN

Oral-B® combines Oral-B®’s iconic round brush head with micro-vibrations for cleaner teeth, healthier gums*, and a WOW experience patients can’t resist.

Learn more at dentalcare.com/ *vs a regular manual toothbrush.

© 2021 P&G

ORAL-26082

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DeWERS SD: Our ask of each member of the DEW community is to embrace the changes that dentistry — and our country — are now facing. Know that it is okay to push yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable, because greatness is often born out of places of discomfort. In chess, the queen is the most powerful piece on the board, as she alone can move in any direction and for longer distances.

DEWs are powerful, strong and determined! On behalf of Melissa and me, as women in dentistry let’s continue to embrace change and move forward knowing we are shaping the history of the industry!

And remember, just like in chess, you can never win if you don’t make a move. What are you waiting for? Go and make your move!

About the authors: Sonya Dunbar, RDH, MHA and Melissa Turner, BASDH, RDHEP, EFDA are influencers, entrepreneurs and passionate advocates for diversity, inclusion and collaboration.

Together, they are cofounders of the National Mobile & Teledentistry Conference, The American Mobile & Teledentistry Alliance, The Denobi Awards, as well as authors of Modern Mobile & Teledentistry- How Technology, Consumer Demand & Prevention are Shaping the Future of Dentistry. Join them every Monday as they cohost the Dentistry Gone Wild podcast.

Sonya Dunbar, also known as the Geriatric Toothfairy, is a Registered Dental Hygienist, TEDx, and national public speaker guided by over 29 years of dental experience in private practice, skilled nursing facilities, and academia.

In addition, Sonya is a geriatric oral health educator and trainer, US Navy Veteran and is pursuing a Ph.D. in Gerontology. Sonya is a serial entrepreneur and successful cultural diversity workplace coach. She is a Key Opinion Leader on culture and diversity for Crest & Oral-B and a known philanthropist. She is a published author and the producer of “Suave & Sassy Senior Show.” The National Day Archives LLC has proclaimed November 9th of each calendar year as The Geriatric Toothfairy Day. Sonya and her husband Gerald are the proud owners of a successful mobile dental company.

To contact Sonya Dunbar Gtfairy@800mdx.com or visit www.sonyadunbar.org

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An award-winning thought leader, speaker, and dental hygienist, Melissa Turner, BASDH, RDHEP, EFDA is on a powerful mission: to make dentistry a better experience for both patient and provider. With a focus on inclusion and community, Turner is co-creator of Oral Health United, a coalition of leading brands and professionals committed to helping front line workers feel safe and empowered as they return to work. She is chief hygiene officer for Cellerant Consulting Group and is leading the launch of the 2021 Cellerant Best of Class Hygiene Awards, an unbiased, non-profit assessment of technologies and products in the dental hygiene space. Turner is a nationally published author and speaker, creator of the I Heart Dentistry Network and is affectionately known on Instagram as @thetoothgirl. To contact Melissa Turner, email melissaturnerllc@gmail.com or visit www. melissakturner.com.

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DeW Dish 12

TAMEKA SCHLEY LEE, RDH, BSDH www.facebook.com/RDHEmpower

First, Last

www.website.com

What obstacles have you overcome in your career?

I had to overcome the fear of standing up for myself and others. It is important to stand up for what you believe in and teach people how to treat you. When I finally stood up for myself I felt empowered.

What do you do to turn around a bad day?

I believe in the power of mindset. One moment a flat tire, traffic, not so good news does not have to turn into a "bad day". I choose not to let a "bad moment" turn into a "bad day". In life we have opportunities that we can learn and grow from.

What is your guilty pleasure?

Social media is my guilty pleasure. I get on to check my business and personal pages and before I know it I have been scrolling for an hour.

What advice do you have for the new person in your office?

What is the best part of your job?

The best part of my role is being able to empower and inspire women to find and pursue their passion. In my Dental Health Partner role I get to partner with dental providers in Georgia to help close the gap on oral health disparities.

Who has been the most influential woman in your life?

My mother has played an influential role in my life. I see her strength and how she overcame many adversities in life. I get my strength and resilience from her.

How do you measure your success?

I measure success by the quality time and lasing memories that I make with my family and friends. I also base success on my continuous growth and challenging myself. Lastly, I measure success based on making a positive impact in at least one life daily. Many of the things I care about most don't have a quantitative measurement.

I don't currently work in an office. However, in any office you would want to know what the goals/expectations are. Come in and have a positive attitude and be a team player.

What “DeW” leaders do?

"DeW" leaders, create "DeW" leaders!

What is your favorite Indoor/Outdoor Activity?

My favorite indoor activity is reading. I like to curl up to a good book. I love going to outdoor festivals and concerts in the Fall or Spring. I enjoy connecting with people.

What famous person living or dead would you like to have lunch with and what would you ask them?

I would like to have lunch with Oprah Winfrey. Did you ever dream you would be such an influential person?

What do you dream of now?

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RONNI BROWN www.DrRonniBrown.com

How do you measure your success?

Asking myself, "Did I do my best?", "Did I go out of my way to help someone else today?" "Did I solve that problem?"

"Did I sleep well?".

What obstacles have you overcome in your career?

Deciding not to follow the typical career path of private practice and instead pursuing a career as a dentist at a medium-security correctional facility. I believe that everyone has the right to basic health care regardless of their life circumstances. Improving oral health and putting smiles back together for my patients has been a joy!

What do you do to turn around a bad day?

I keep a gratitude journal by my bed that I write in every day. I always try to remember the blessings of the day and the moments of happiness. Even when my day wasn't great, there is always something to be grateful for... having a wonderful family, waking up, having a job, eating a great meal. Remembering my blessings turns a bad day into a better day!

What is the best part of your job?

What “DeW” leaders do?

When I am speaking, the best part of my job is to create They support and encourage one another! They provide an unforgettable experience for my audience. I want mentorship, wisdom, guidance and opportunities to them to leave not just with more knowledge about the others. oral effects of addiction, but with a feeling that they can make a difference in the lives of their patients who have substance-use disorders. I want to create an emotional What is your favorite Indoor/Outdoor experience for participants!

Activity?

Who has been the most influential woman in your life?

Do I have to choose just 1? I love baking and cooking for my family. A few favorites are strawberry jam, blueberry muffins, and lamb marinated with mint pesto. I enjoy hiking in the Bay Area hills!

By far my mother! She is a force to be reckoned with!

She is full of wisdom and seems to be able to handle any situation that comes her way. She has taught me the What famous person living or dead would you important lessons of life; family first, go with the flow, like to have strive for excellence, be a good friend, and always be stronger than your circumstances!

Definitely Michelle Obama! I admire her grace, intelligence, and her ability to be so ordinary yet extraordinary. I would ask "who inspires her" and "what's next on her bucket list of accomplishment"?

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KRISTIE BOLTZ

myDentalCMO.com

What obstacles have you overcome in your career?

I overheard my boss tell someone "Kristie used to be a triathlete and now she's fat." I was on the road 200+ days per year and remember thinking "Who am I doing this for?"

Creating a company that worked for both my personal goals AND my professional goals was paramount when I founded myDentalCMO in 2009 and continues to guide me every day.

What do you do to turn around a bad day?

When I'm feeling discouraged, I look for a "quick win" that generates immediate gratification. Sometimes this is as simple as pulling weeds in the garden, going for a quick run, or baking something that I know will turn out beautifully. My Mom always taught us when you're feeling sorry for yourself or have had a bad day, service is the answer.

What advice do you have for the new person in your office?

What is the best part of your job?

Teaching! Seeing the "light" go on for doctors and team members as they learn how consistent execution of a few proven marketing tactics can make a huge difference in their success.

Who has been the most influential woman in your life?

Anybody can show up and be a rock star on the first day.

Your consistency is what matters.

What “DeW” leaders do?

The GOLDILOCKS RULE says you invest time with 3 distinct groups to; Learning from the "bigger and better", collaborating with equals, and teaching those "coming up" in our industry.

My Mom. People often joke that I have an "endless" amount of energy and I get that from her. She is smart, patient, funny, industrious, generous, kind, loving and talented in the kitchen and can heckle better than anyone I know at a baseball game.

They are playing your theme song as you walk on stage. Name that tune!

How do you measure your success?

What is your motto?

Me vs. Me - This is a philosophy borrowed from my dear friend and cancer survivor Mary Roberts. Mary lost her leg to cancer at a young age and one of her prosthetics is designed with this text. Truly, the only person we are all "competing" against is ourselves. Am I better than I was yesterday?

Pedal it forward. Riding in the Challenged Athletes Foundation 620 mile ride down the CA coast has been a part of my life since 2010. That year, raising the $10K seemed impossible. In 2018, many friends and colleagues joined the cause and we raised $100K. This year, the goal is $200,000. No one should be "on the sideline" because of a disability.

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Ain't Nobody by Chaka Khan, 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton, Let's Go Crazy by Prince :)

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LIVING YOUR STRENGTHS

THE NEW WAVE: CLAIMING YOUR THRONE IN DENTISTRY AS WOMEN By Lani Grass

T

hroughout history, men have been credited with “making history,” while the contributions undoubtedly made by women were erased and marginalized. Women were widely characterized as being less powerful, less important and less impactful than men. We can hypothesize that this thought culture is the result of longstanding conditioning and stereotyping of women’s roles in society, but I believe it is time for us to socialize ourselves and each other to claim the power that women have always possessed. More than half of all college graduates are women. Although we may struggle to gain respect in our careers, as well as in our communities, women are both making history and documenting it for future generations. Every day we see women that make a significant impact, yet we still have a hard time visualizing ourselves accomplishing our goals to create social change. We cannot change history, but we can change the future. First, though, we have to change our mindset and ourselves. Let me show you how.

An Ancient Belief System Born in Bangkok, Thailand, I was brought to the United States at a young age and raised by an immigrant mother. My mother struggled her entire life, as she was married three times to different abusive men. She gave birth to three beautiful little girls whom she openly (and frequently) called a burden instead of a blessing due to the Asian cultural belief that boys are more highly valued than girls. For many years I truly believed that women were designated our lot in life. It was explained to me

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that women were either lucky or unlucky. My mother believed that she was unlucky and that her lot in life was the result of bad Karma from a previous lifetime, and nothing she did in this lifetime could change that.

Although my childhood was difficult, I understand that my mother really did the best she could with the beliefs and resources she possessed.

It was with those beliefs that I was married for the first time at the tender age of 15 in a misguided attempt to finally have a stable home life. My mother signed emancipation papers so I could be legally married in another state that allowed such marriages. I looked forward to getting away from my stressful home situation, and I remember feeling

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LIVING YOUR STRENGTHS good about my decision because my mother told me that I was lucky and that my future husband was a good and kind young man.

Feeling powerless, my mother never divorced her last abusive husband, and when she later died of cancer at age 60, it was amidst the grief and shock of her untimely death that I finally found the strength to leave my husband at the age of 37. Incredibly, I had spent most of my life married, but all I left behind was a sad, empty void and a loveless marriage of convenience that never blossomed into a true partnership. It would have been a happy time, except I had no idea who I was outside of that existence, and I was terrified to be alone for the first time since my sophomore year of high school.

Creating Boundaries In the journey of building my new life, I had to not only find my inner strength but also learn how to build clear boundaries. I was burned out from never saying “no” and giving away my emotional energy for so many years. I found out that in helping others, I also had to invest my energy and resources in my personal development and recharging my emotional energy. I knew from experience that if I kept giving away all my time and strength, there would be nothing left for me. My motivation for self care could not be solely for the purpose of helping others. It had to be to build my own self-worth and self-love.

How do you know when you need to set a boundary? One way to know is when we feel angry about a situation. This is a signal that action is required. If you feel resentful about someone or something, it often means you haven’t been setting healthy boundaries. If you feel guilty about setting boundaries, you need to remember that all of your relationships suffer when you are unhappy, and setting boundaries is critically important to sustained happiness.

Having tough conversations and standing up for yourself is more effective if you are calm, assertive and firm. What you are actually doing is teaching others how you want to be treated.

Once you get in the practice of setting clear boundaries, you will feel less anxious and more empowered. You will receive more respect from others and your relationships will improve. You are basically saying “yes" to yourself when you say “no” to something you don’t want to do.

Recognizing Your Talents Women are not only unique, but we are also uniquely qualified to be leaders in life and in our profession.

Communication is arguably one of the most important

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skills in dentistry. On average, women score higher than men in tests of emotional intelligence. While both men and women can excel at this, women pick up on nonverbal cues and display better listening skills. We are better at soft skills that help us both lead in our practices and excel at patient communication. We are empathetic and have more self-awareness. This enables us to lead the way in conflict management and inspirational leadership.

Emotional intelligence in leadership roles helps retain team members, and everyone loves to work with someone who is great at managing conflict and influencing people.

Women show more empathy and display more compassion for other people. As a result, we tend to create female-friendly practices with benefits and perks that matter to other women. A female leader often offers benefits like a healthy work/life balance, generous family leave, as well as flexible work hours. As most dental practices have a majority female staff, these are very valuable personality traits.

We are creative and look at situations differently. Females are great at thinking outside the box and looking for new solutions to traditional problems. We look for innovative ways to motivate and inspire team members because we are one of them.

Women highly value building relationships. We prioritize working well with team members, delivering a great patient experience and creating time for family and relaxation. Dental professionals with great relationshipbuilding skills are more successful and are more sought after. Women really are perfect for the roles in dentistry, use your talents to create the life you want.

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LIVING YOUR STRENGTHS

Creating Impact

About the author:

We already own all the important traits that qualify us to be changemakers in the world. If we never acknowledge all that we already are, we will not be able to dream big enough, much less make a plan to create what our heart truly desires. Ask yourself, “What would I do if nothing was holding me back?”

Lani Grass is a Career and Life Strategist and Speaker. She is the founder of waveofwomen.com and The Confidence Catalyst, First Time Speaker Series. She spends her time working with women on identifying their gifts, how they want to show up in the world and then builds a path to self-actualizing their potential. Lani is known for leadership coaching and her programs; Personal Brand Blueprint and Women of Influence in Dentistry. She and her husband own a dental practice in Portland, Oregon.

I can assuredly tell you that the formula for stepping into your feminine power is to embrace your unique and intuitive gifts as a woman and combine it with the strength of personal boundaries. This combination of softness and substance is the basis of true confidence that others can feel. There is no greater knowledge that you can possess than knowing who you really are and understanding the ripple effect you have on the world around you. You deserve it all, and it’s time for you to claim your throne.

Her burning desire is to help women recognize and drop their limiting beliefs so they can create what they want in life and stop being a best kept secret.

DeW DATES Mark your calendars:

DeW Learning Crew Quarterly talks and networking July 16, 2-4 p.m. EDT Virtual platform RDH Under One Roof July 21-24, 2021 Indianapolis, IN AADOM 2021 Conference September 9-11, 2021 Boca Raton, FL

Miami, FL RDH Evolution October 1-2, 2021 Virtual platform Smiles at Sea The Dental Festival 2021 October 12-17, 2021 DeW Life Retreat 2021 November 11-13, 2021 Charlotte, NC

Dentsply Sirona World 2021 September 23-25, 2021 Las Vegas, NV

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who, wear, when

RESILIENCE

FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE

By Janet Mumford, RDH

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t’s a day that defined my life before the accident and after the accident. I am a skydiver. I had been for about three years, but I only have a minimal amount of jumps… about 120. That may seem like quite a bit, but in the skydiving world, when you’ve been doing it for those few years, jump numbers would normally be much higher.

I live in Idaho and traveled 3.5 hours to Utah with some friends to spend the weekend doing what we love. After executing a few jumps on Saturday and going out to dinner that evening, the next day — the next week-and-ahalf — I don’t remember. So, this part was relayed to me from friends who were there.

My girlfriend Brenton and I planned to do a jump together, and then I was going to head home. We got on the plane and went up to an altitude of about 13,500 ft. We exited the plane and had a great time! We pulled our parachutes, they opened and we made our way to the ground. At a dropzone, there are certain places where you’re supposed to land, but if you don’t make it back to that area, you land “off” in a different area. We both wondered if we were going to make it to our landing area, and once we determined she wasn’t going to make it, she would just land off. I wish I could remember what I was thinking at this point.

A Perilous Journey Initially, I apparently thought I could make it and headed in that direction. When I got close, it was clear I couldn’t make it, so I made a turn to avoid hitting a fence. It must have been a moment of panic, and I over-corrected by pulling on my parachute too hard to the right. This caused my canopy to collapse and drop me to the ground from

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about 30-40 feet! I slammed into the ground and lay there unconscious and unable to breathe. Luckily, people noticed me trying to land and responded very quickly. One of those people happened to be a good friend, and the other just so happened to be a paramedic who was also jumping that day. My friend, Sean, rolled me over, noticed I wasn’t breathing and said I was almost unrecognizable due to the damage to my face and jaw. Because my jaw was broken so badly, Josh, the paramedic, reached into my mouth and put his thumbs on my molars and pulled my jaw forward. That’s when I took a breath. Everything happened very quickly after that. The people around me could tell my leg and my wrist were broken, in addition to my facial fractures. Because the first responders acted so quickly, Life Flight showed up. I was talking and answering questions, and I knew my date of birth and my allergies. I was flown to the University of Utah, a Level 1 trauma center, and that’s where the real work began.

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RESILIENCE I had the following: a broken right wrist, broken pelvis in multiple areas, a broken right femur, a broken right ankle and heel, a fractured left knee and a fractured left heel. I also broke my jaw in several places, my eye sockets, my cheek bones, my nose and my forehead. I also damaged several arteries, and they were struggling to control the bleeding. I was immediately taken to surgery, where they placed a rod in my femur and pins in my pelvis to repair the arteries there. I was told things were precarious for a couple of days, but they were finally able to get things under control and stabilize me. Miraculously, I had no head trauma or spinal injuries. Over the next two weeks, I had 10 different surgeries.

The Road to Recovery I was only in the ICU for a week and was moved to the surgical floor. The first thing I remember after about 10 days was that my mouth was wired shut, I had a trache tube, a collar on my neck and I was HOT! My dad brought me a small fan he attached to the side of the bed that blew directly on me, and my nurses were amazing at changing out the batteries daily when it died! I wanted the collar off and wrote constantly on the little white board asking questions about when it could come off and when I could get the trache tube out. The first surgery I remember was a feeding tube surgery. Doctors were concerned with an infected feeding tube. I had been using my left hand to write on a white board to communicate, but this is the first moment I really remember. They said they needed to take me back to surgery to fix the feeding tube, and I cried. My dad gave me a hug, and I told him I wasn’t scared of surgery. I think I was just overwhelmed. I remember having conversations with the family members that could be in the room with me, but memories of things that happened that second week come and go. I just remember what seemed like having a surgery every day after that.

Due to COVID, I wasn’t allowed any outside visitors except for one person a day. My mom, dad and sister shared the responsibility. I also had a few people on the outside working to keep my friends updated and taking care of things financially. This was so hard. Because of the visitor policy, my kids were not allowed to visit me! They are my whole world. The first things I wanted to know after the accident was what happened, if I could work and if my kids were OK. My dad finally arranged a visit with them on Nov. 8, my daughter’s 20th birthday. It was amazing and so good to see them!

Sitting in a hospital bed, I just remember that I needed to do the work to do whatever it took to get back to “me.” I am a very active person, I’m not patient and I’m stubborn!

In fact, my mom would tell you from the time I was very

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little that I never wanted help. I always said, “Me do it!” I started asking anyone that would see me about how to get moving again.

Determination Sets In At the first therapy session, they had me simply sit up in the bed. I asked to brush my teeth! Because of all the injuries and surgeries, I couldn’t bear weight on my left leg, my right leg and my right wrist. Basically, I only had use of my left arm. I had to work on transferring from the bed to a chair by sliding across a board with one arm. They would shift me to a wheelchair to take me on “walks,” and I would always ask to try and walk on my own two feet. They laughed and said that they were sure I could. I remember how difficult things seemed. I had

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RESILIENCE never been injured before, never even broken a bone, so trying to do things that normally came so easily was so challenging. I tried my hardest when the therapists came in and never turned them away. I wanted them to work with me every chance I could get!

I was in the hospital for a couple weeks and was getting to the point that there was nothing else they could do for me. My recovery was going remarkably well, and it was time for me to move onto my next step. I had a friend researching what that would look like. I thought I would have the option to go to an inpatient rehab facility at the University, but they wouldn’t take me because of my nonweight-bearing issues. The therapists even fought for me to go there, knowing my attitude and determination would be enough to get me through, but they still declined. I could either return home and have a nurse 24/7 until I could put weight on more body parts, or I could go to a skilled nursing facility to help care for me until I could return home. I chose a facility in my hometown, but at the last minute, they had a patient test positive for COVID and went on lockdown. So, I chose a different facility, and despite being nervous, I was released from the hospital 22 days after the accident happened.

I was really nervous going to the nursing facility, mainly because I didn’t know what to expect. I also knew I couldn’t have any visitors at all and would have to quarantine in my room for two weeks. Being a pretty social person, this was more challenging than I thought. I did, however, have my phone with me.

The minute I got to the care facility, I wanted to see the therapists. I asked them to stop by every morning, even though they weren’t sure what to do with me. They brought weights so I could at least build strength on my left side. I was surprised that all my muscle went away so quickly after laying in bed for just a few weeks. I was determined to do what I could to regain it. This also kept my mind and body somewhat active. On Nov. 24, I got clearance to start putting weight on my left leg. I was so excited to get back to my rehab facility to start moving!

They were ready for me when I got there, and they were just as excited for me. They got me right up on a walker, and actually had to stop me from going too far because I was pushing too hard. It felt so good!

When I was planning my arrival at the nursing facility, my dad and I set a goal to be out by Thanksgiving. After that, it was back to my hometown for an inpatient rehab facility, assuming I would need the intensity to get back to doing what I wanted. Unfortunately, that goal was shot down. The facility I chose needed more clearance to use the rest of my limbs with a two-week evaluation. I really wanted to be closer to my kids and friends, so I had to pick myself up again and push forward.

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The Next Challenge Here’s where the next challenge came. The day after my first walk, the facility case worker, the therapist and the facility manager came in and told me that now that I was weight bearing, there was nothing more they could do for me and it was time to go home. I was so confused, but it ultimately came down to insurance. I also found out that the inpatient rehab facility I was planning to attend also wouldn’t take me because they didn’t feel I needed something that intense anymore. Again, I was in this middle road unsure what came next. Imagine not being able to walk or use your hand, needing help to shower and then being told you don’t need that much help so you are good to go home! After talking with family, it was decided that I would go home after my next appointment to get my cast off my wrist. I could use home health to start physical therapy.

I got my wrist cast off in early December and was given weight-bearing clearance. At that point, I was only nonweight bearing on my right leg and ankle. When I got home, I was on a walker. Moving was a struggle, and I wasn’t sure how I would prepare meals for my kids, clean up or, most importantly, shower myself. I was determined.

That first day home was probably my biggest struggle to date.

You would think the days in the hospital having surgery

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RESILIENCE after surgery, having a feeding tube, having my jaw wired shut, and then aching to just brush my teeth might have been the hardest. Maybe the days of isolation in the care center were more difficult while laying in bed. Nope. It was being in my own home around my own things, knowing I couldn’t do what I was used to, what was normal. That night, I sat at the table with my dad and daughter, and I looked at my family pictures hanging on the wall knowing I didn’t look like that anymore. I shed a few tears. I then made my way down the hall to the bathroom for my first attempt at showering myself, and I started crying at the end of the hall, breaking down. Little did I know my daughter was right behind me. She asked quietly if I was OK. I looked at her and told her I was just tired of things being so hard! I told her I wanted to try to do it, but asked if she could stay close in case I needed her. I got in the shower and balanced on one foot to attempt a shower. I did it all by myself. Even though it was hard, I managed.

From there, I began accomplishing tasks, small tasks that gave me more motivation every day.

The day after returning home, I started having home health visits. The nurse came out first to assess my feeding tube and demonstrate how to care for it. The next day, I had a visit with occupational therapy and physical therapy, but that was a dead end. After talking it over with my father, we determined it would be better for me to go directly into private physical therapy to start working on wrist mobility. My daughter works at a physical therapy place, and after talking with a therapist there, he said he was confident he could help me work on my ankle mobility. I was all for it! We got started, and really the rest is history. I gained back almost full mobility in my wrist, and as soon as I could start putting weight on my foot, we started working hard again. I’m so grateful to my therapist for fighting for me and working me hard!

that I am extremely proud of.” Probably one of the most important things I have learned is who my people are.

There are people around me that I thought I could always count on, that I learned I could not. There are people I have pushed away due to other circumstances who still showed up in big ways, and there are people that I had no idea would be there for me who have been my biggest supporters.

Taking this to a spiritual level, I’ve often reflected on the experience and wondered why I’m still here. There must be something I still have left to do. I have family members that passed, and I could definitely feel them watching over me. Again, my dad said to me, “Your mental strength and endurance is certainly being tested, to what end I don’t know. Perhaps there is someone you have to reach at some point, and the only way to reach them is by relating your own experiences, or at least having those experiences to fall back on.” And that is what I always want to keep with me. I want to remember that I am lucky.

I want to live my life and pour into those around me. I want to make people feel understood and feel special and I want to be that person present for someone when things are hard. If there is one person I can touch to let them know they are supported, then I’ve done enough.

My favorite quote has become one by L.R. Knost "Life is amazing, and then it's awful, and then it's amazing again. In between the amazing and the awful, it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, exhale and relax through the ordinary. That's living a heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, awful ordinary life, and it's breathtakingly beautiful. "

What I’ve Learned Here are a few things I have gained from the experience.

I always knew I was strong and able to do anything.

Anytime someone asks me to do something, I always say I can do that. I didn’t realize that everyone around me saw that in me too. I didn’t realize that it was an inspiration to the people around me. It’s all about your attitude.

My attitude has always been to pick yourself up and move forward. I can’t tell you to always put a smile on your face and get through it, because I can’t always do that either. I just know I just take it a day at a time. This accident taught me about my own personal resilience.

My dad gave me the best compliment, and by the way has always been my biggest cheerleader, but he said to me, “I’m just reflecting on how much you amaze me. I don’t know if your drive comes from an internal source or from experiences growing up. Either way, you have a drive

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About the author: Janet Mumford is a Registered Dental Hygienist from Twin Falls, ID. She graduated from the College of Southern Idaho 8 years ago and currently works in private practice.

Connection is one of the most important things and she strives to make connections with her each of patients on a personal level. She is a mother to a 20 year old daughter and a 19 year old son who bring her the most joy.

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RESLILIENCE

THE F WORD

By Karen Daw

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es, I am the F word …fraud, fake, phony (OK, the last one only begins with the “F” sound, but you get the picture). For years, I had crafted a brand of being upbeat and charismatic while discussing the very serious topic of OSHA and Infection Control compliance.

After all, you had to make sure the audience stays awake if they are to learn anything! However, what many people didn’t know was I was quite down. For 10 of my 18 years of marriage, I was taking care of a spouse with a chronic medical illness and mental health issues and who was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. From thousands of miles away I was also trying to assist an anxietyridden mother showing the initial signs of memory loss while locally supporting a sister recently diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer.

suffering while juggling so much. We strive to be perfect, yet that type of expectation is depressive. Over time, friends and family stopped reaching out. I blamed them for not providing the support you would offer someone you loved, oblivious to the fact they had been offering it all along. I was simply shutting them out. I was convinced if I accepted help, it meant I was a failure (another F-word). I didn’t want to be a failure, and I was terrified of the act of failing. When you live in this thought bubble long enough, you eventually get mired in the muck. You’re just getting by, not thriving.

Women wear many hats, sometimes all at once. For me it was mother, daughter, sister, aunt, boss, colleague, employee, entrepreneur, caregiver, wife, friend … you name it. Somewhere along the way, I bought into the narrative that I wasn’t allowed to show anyone I was

On one particularly bad day spent trying to book consults for my business, I packed my soon-to-be-exhusbands personal belongings after discovering he was seeing someone else and navigated mold remediation and demolition of my mother’s condo. I felt unsupported,

Another F word that Mel Robbins, author, attorney, television host and motivational speaker, tells us not to be is “Fine.” It’s dismissive. We go into autopilot just to avoid confrontation or change. And it makes sense: Consulting and speaking in the field of safety inherently it takes less energy to coast than it does to make new includes an expectation that I am perfect and that my neural pathways associated with change. She reminds lifestyle was idyllic. Whether I had just wrapped a training us that we need to force a break in our routine and for a private practice or presented to an audience of 3,000, shares her “5-second” rule for action. In other words, there was always someone who would approach me if you have a thought and do not act on it immediately, and tell me, “I want to be you.” What they saw on stage whether it’s to make a note or send yourself a text, then was a carefully crafted persona and execution of a well- it’s like pulling the emergency brake, and once again, rehearsed presentation. I must be doing something right you possibly short-change yourself on something that if people thought it was easy. I would think, “Of course could be a new experience, or a new way of thinking. The I'm not perfect, but thank you for thinking that.” I would enemy of being great is saying that you’re fine. We get plaster on a smile and politely share resources with them into the habit of putting on a mask of our fake selves, on how I got started, while deep down inside I thought rather than asking for what we need. It’s OK to be they would cringe if they were to truly walk a mile in my vulnerable. To move forward in life and get the support shoes. we need, we MUST be vulnerable.

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RESLILIENCE lessons. Often, we think we need to be a certain person, when in reality, it’s hard work to be someone else. It truly is so much easier to just be yourself! I’m not saying a simple quote changed my life overnight. But what it did do was help me to reframe the question. Instead of asking, “Why isn’t anybody helping?” it became, “How can I let my awesomeness shine so I can see the opportunities, love and care that surrounds me?” And when I did that, a small, dim bulb inside me began to glow brighter.

The law of attraction states that "like attracts like." In other words, if I’m vibrating at a low frequency, I’ll pull into my orbit other people who feel hopeless, down and abandoned. On the other side, people operating at a high frequency will attract others functioning at an elevated level. In using this philosophy to drive my interactions, I seek out people who love and value themselves and do not consider asking for help as a sign of weakness.

Asking for help shows strength in a person’s core belief system. The ability to show the world your genuine self and not portray a false identity is the strength we need to avoid failure.

unloved and so alone. Defeated was an understatement.

It was at that moment the universe must have felt my pain too, for it presented me with the following quote from Marianne Williamson, author, political activist and spiritual leader. This saying appeared not once, not twice, but three times in the same day and in random locations.

I am a big fan of patterns, and the third one was like being doused with water in the middle of a nap. It was too obvious to ignore, so I took action. Here is that quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

OMG! A higher power was telling me (nay, smacking me in the head with a 2x4 wooden board) that I had to stop expecting myself to be some sort of super woman. That to live authentically is exactly what I was missing in my life. I always educated the students at the College of Dentistry that they should not be afraid to ask for help if they needed anything, and here I had forgotten my own

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An authentic presentation which shows my genuine self and speaks from my core strength is the gift I seek to give, whether I’m writing or speaking. My ability to stand in front of other women and let them know it’s OK to acknowledge that I have fears instead of trying to hide those fears makes me stronger. By addressing them and sharing that experience with others only helps to serve the message that we are perfection, even if we feel things are not going our way. How empowering to know an entire cosmic army has our back!

I’m learning each day with the support of other amazing women who have walked a mile in similar shoes and now share their stories to uplift and support each other. Living an authentic life is something I strive for in all that I do, and part of that means accepting some new F-words. For it is in realizing our strength and our potential that we all become fierce, fabulous and fearless!

About the author: Karen Daw is an award-winning national speaker, author of numerous articles and CE courses on safety in dentistry, and a trainer for practices and healthcare systems across the country. She earned her BA from the Ohio State University and her MBA with concentrations in Healthcare Administration and Business Management.

After graduating, Karen was recruited from the Emergency Department to her roles as Assistant Director of Sterilization Monitoring and Health and Safety Director for the OSU College of Dentistry.

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RESILIENCE

GRIEF IS A CRAZY THING By Sandy Lee, RDH

G

rief comes on like waves in the ocean, a riptide that can drag you dangerously out to sea. It’s like a train barreling into you when you absentmindedly step off the platform and onto the tracks, and it’s also a slow burn that ebbs and flows. It is a maze and a puzzle all in one, it is a blank, silent wall, but also so loud and obtrusive, you cannot find space on a graffitied wall in a downtown city.

Losing something can create grief. Losing a job, losing a pet, losing a child, the word “loss” encompasses all of these to varying degrees. But there is light at the end of this tunnel, even when you’re feeling like your heart is going to explode from the effort to outrun the grief train.

Resilience is that light. Resilience is maneuvering through these trials as we try to live our best life. Finding something to hold onto that gives you hope, happiness, a purpose ... this helps create a resilient soul.

My name is Sandy Lee, and I am resilient.

From a young age, I have endured so many trials including grief, loss, sickness and abuse, and I’m still here. I am not just functioning, I’m THRIVING! I want everyone to know that this is possible! Working through the maze of grief is not only possible, but a reality in my life. As a child abuse survivor, ovarian cancer survivor, a mother of four babies in Heaven and now a woman living with childlessness, I feel that I have packed in my fair share of grief, but I am not in charge of the serving size.

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What have I learned? I’ve learned that we are not in control of this, any of this. We can fool ourselves into thinking we can control things, but the harsh reality is that we could die right NOW. Because I am aware and actually OK with this realization, I’ve been more adept at rolling with the punches. Knowing that I can try to make plans, and these plans may or may not come to fruition, has given my mind freedom. I make loose goals and I have never been a fan of action plans. It makes my ADHD brain hurt when my motivation extends beyond my ability to visualize and attack my goals, so contrary to all of the successful motivational speakers who tell you to visualize yourself being here or there or doing this or that, I have a different theory: Become extremely grateful for the here and now, live in the moment, love all the moments that link together to become your life. If you have children, cherish them and think about the amount of stress and anxiety that is placed on them to “be successful,” “make something of themselves,” “take care of me when I’m older” or “be better than I ever was.” These are all amazing aspirations that you’ve shared with them, BUT they are a different person than you, and frankly, you had your chance. Teach them resilience, to roll with life’s punches, to not do everything for them, because when it comes time and you’re not there, who’s going to do it for them?

I was raised by parents who were not the loving parents I would daydream about in elementary school, and because of this, I had to learn to be resourceful and be my own person. I beat my own drum, and it did not look like everyone else’s. I took a summer job at age 14 and never stopped working. I moved out of my parents’ house

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RESILIENCE

From a young age, I have endured so many trials including grief, loss, sickness and abuse, and I’m still here. I am not just functioning, I’m THRIVING!

as a senior at age 16 and worked at Taco Bell until 1 a.m., going to school the next day, all while making it into the National Honor Society and staying on the B Honor Roll. I accomplished that, and while my parents may have taken credit, I knew I did what I wanted or needed to do without their encouragement or approval.

some of the outcome of this grief into my own version of success.

I want you to know that if you are going through something that has you in despair, you believe there is no way you will make it out of that tunnel while this train is barreling down the tracks towards you. Stop for a moment. Breathe When I was a senior in high school, it was time to talk in and breathe out, this too shall pass. I see you, I hear about college. I didn’t know what I wanted to be or do, but you, you matter, you are important to so many people.

I wanted to go. I approached my mother, and she simply But most of all, you are NEEDED in this world, you have said we couldn’t afford it, so I gave up the idea. Then later, a purpose. And if you let go of the steering wheel as I did, as I started my junior year, my mother began her own you may find that purpose without even trying to make it college career. It taught me that not everyone is in your happen. corner, and sometimes you’re your only cheering section.

As my mother spent nights in another town to study and attend classes, I cared for my younger siblings. I would get them up in the morning, walk them to and from school, then get dinner ready for my father and siblings. I’d do homework with them, do my own homework, get them About the author: bathed and have things ready for the next day. It was too much, and I slowly melted into myself. Luckily, I later As a 2009 graduate from Dental Hygiene school, Sandy happened into people who actually supported me and Lee has a passion for helping others. Over the past 16 encouraged me to attend college. Before these saints years, she has been involved in dental public health and entered my life, I learned that I had to be there for myself … reaching the underserved while also working in various that is resilience. private practice offices and also has experience in a periodontal practice.

You may read this and feel sorrow or pity for me and the things I’ve faced throughout my childhood and adult life, Sandy is an advocate for self healing, loving yourself, but I don’t. I grew immensely in the resilience arena; I and standing up for truth! As a survivor of several types have become UNSTOPPABLE. If I want to do something, I of abuse, ovarian cancer, miscarriage, and a failed IVF do it. If I want to achieve something, it’s because I want to journey, she strives to help others find peace within achieve it. I feel like I have figured out how to escape the themselves! maze, the mystery of grief and have come out the other side.

She now lives happily in Missouri with her husband of 11 years, Jonathan and her four wonderful dogs.

Despite this feeling of resilience, I do have my moments where the grief is overwhelming, but because of the selfsoothing, the independence, the knowledge that no one else can make me happy, I can navigate and even direct

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SUCCESS

FINDING HOPE IN THE MIDDLE OF RELATIONSHIP STORMS By Joanna Scott

S

ince the pandemic began, headlines have certainly been full of a wide variety of highlights and lowlights. Our humanity has been in disarray for over a year now, and we have felt it in every aspect of our society: socio-economically, politically and let’s not leave out one of the hardest hit aspects of our lives, partner relationships. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic, so following love stories is one of my favorite ways to pass time on Instagram. A few months into COVID-19, these same love stories began falling apart at a startling pace. Some of these women are leaders and influencers I looked up to. I had read their books, listened to their podcasts and devoured their coaching on marriage and partner relationships. After decades of commitment and long after vows were spoken, the new divorces and breakups left my heart stunned to say the least.

A few months ago, a local friend asked me to grab drinks, so we met downtown at a cozy spot and settled in.

Honestly, we hadn’t connected very much through the pandemic, so it was wonderful to sit in-person with her and catch up. After we ordered, there was some surface chit-chat, but then I could feel it. I could tell something was wrong in her energy, body language and tone of voice. When someone is in pain around us, we don’t have to be an empath to observe, pause and pay attention.

My friend, whom I’ll refer to as Sarah, touched my arm and with a shaking voice shared why she had set up our dinner date. Her husband of 13 years was done. Her beautiful, wide eyes said it all. There was no recourse and no coming back from his decision. She had been completely blindsided and felt alone. What does one do when the partner that you’ve grown up with no longer wants to be with you? Despite her pain, there were times the spark came back in her eyes. Even though she had been knocked down, I knew she would get back up again.

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SUCCESS It will be a long journey to heal, but I wholeheartedly believe she has the gumption to do it.

Watching the number of influencer relationships fail is one thing, but having close, personal friends and loved ones go through divorce hits even harder. This brings us to the question we’re all wondering ... Why has the tipping point changed in our world and society among marriages? What relationship dynamics have shifted so dramatically that couples would rather go through the pain of divorce than stay together? Weathering the pandemic season for couples and families is something we’ll never forget. It brought out our best features and our worst traits simultaneously.

Let’s take a quick look at some of the new stressors from last year: • Virtual or hybrid learning for students • Working from home • Economic stress • Weight of surviving/thriving as entrepreneurs during a pandemic • No breaks = Family time 24/7 • Indoor dining shut down • Gyms shut down Needless to say, many of the relationships that were already in trouble decided their marriages were done. A relationship coach reviewed the ups and downs of the pandemic on relationships in a recent NY Times article that interviewed multiple divorce lawyers.

“In those first seven or eight months, divorces were certainly on the rise,” Mr. Wilson said. “My theory is that those getting divorced at that time, were couples already in troubled relationships, but due to the fact that they were getting breaks from each other, they were able to endure it.

“Then the virus emerged, and those same couples were forced to spend more time at home together and interact more often,” he said. “Suddenly, they felt as if there was no escape, and wanted out.”

Josh and I met at the young age of 14 at a go-kart event for the local church youth group we attended. He was dating my friend, but when I saw his cute, tall, nerdy self, it was love at first sight. Rather, it was best friends at first sight. We remained BFFs through all the ups and downs of our high-school years and only officially started “liking” each other (yes, I’m using all the 1990’s words here unashamedly!) our final year of high school. When people ask how long we’ve been married, they’re always surprised to hear it’s been 25 years! We often hear, “I want a relationship like you and Josh!” or, “You guys just

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have it all together as a couple.” To avoid appearing rude or inconsiderate, we politely nod, but know deep down that while we have worked endlessly on our relationship, it’s far from perfect. We are both equally spirited, strong, achievement-oriented people who still get into fights we’re not proud of, have differing perspectives and views, do not act as selfless as we should, and even hurt each other unintentionally. Don’t get me wrong, we are deeply devoted to one another and have put decades of work into developing a healthy relationship, but Josh and I also experienced the same difficult stressors everyone else did during the pandemic, which brought bright spots and also times that felt super low.

Repeatedly, after every divorce or breakup announcement, I began asking myself this question, “Are we next?”

Who’s to say it can’t or won’t happen to us? We have issues we’re working through like the next couple, so the thought that we’re exempt from marriage failure seems overly optimistic. However, leaning into this fear on a daily basis was producing anxiety in my heart and creating an unhealthy mindset I needed to shake. What if I replaced the fear of the unknown with healthy habits that help us thrive through the storm?

A Cleveland Clinic article suggests that many couples are actually coming together throughout it all. “The study showed that couples were reporting more time spent together at home, more time doing activities together and actually, the division of housework has been more even than it has ever been before. This all shows satisfaction across the board,” says Dr. Albers. “Fifty-six percent of the study’s participants said the pandemic made them appreciate their partners more, and 47 percent said it helped deepen their commitments to their relationships.”

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SUCCESS Contrary to the narrative that has taken over our social feed, a lot of couples are actually figuring this crazy life out.

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Intentional date nights or trips away

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Do one thing everyday that makes your partner feel loved

Healthy Habits

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Careful, shared boundaries with the gender each of you are attracted to

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Recover incomplete conversations and find closure

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Recognize signs of burnout in yourself or partner

One of my favorite books is Atomic Habits by James Clear.

His philosophy involves creating systems that lead to long-term change through healthy habits. In one chapter, he discusses how there are three levels of change and how identity is where it all begins.

“True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you'll stick with one is that it becomes a part of your identity.

The goal is to not read a book, the goal is to become a reader.

The goal is to not run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.

The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.

Your behaviors are usually a reflection of your identity.

What you do is an indication of the type of person you believe that you are either consciously or unconsciously”.

If the goal is to have healthy, thriving, exciting marriages or partnerships, we need to figure out which behaviors (habits) will get us there. These protips are not for the faint of heart, but I believe will set you up for open, honest conversations with your partner.

10 Find

an incredible clinical counselor to guide you through this messy life

There Is Still Hope Deep, deep love for all my fellow ladies reading this article that have been through a divorce or really difficult breakup.

This message is not “don’t get a divorce,” but rather the reality of how our relationships are being affected by an increasingly stressful world and how to find hope through it all. If you have been through something hard with your spouse or partner lately, please know you’re not alone.

Please remember we are all fighting through relationship challenges and need to move towards vulnerability so we can support one another. I’m humbly rooting for you, dear friend, whether you’re divorced, single, widowed, married or dating. We’re all in different spots needing the same grace.

“I do not understand the mystery of grace, only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.” - Anne Lamott

Here are a few next steps that have helped our relationship:

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1

Begin with a relationship audit conversation. This needs to be a quiet, safe place free from distraction.

No eye rolling, raised voice or mean words. Ask your partner these three questions: a) How would you rate our relationship the past six months (1-10 scale) b) What are some of my behaviors that you love? c) What are some behaviors I can improve?

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Negotiation of Values. To develop new, shared values, a highbred value/belief system

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Friendship Boost. Work on your friendship! Find fun, non-stress related activities

4

Laugh together - Teaser from The Not So Late Show with Josh & Joanna

About the Author: Joanna Scott is an organizational thinker with over 17 years of leadership experience in the non-profit sector. She graduated from Rhema Bible Seminary and went on to get her Bachelor’s Degree in Organizational Management at Oklahoma Wesleyan University. She currently serves as the Business Development Director for Studio EightyEight, dentistry’s story-driven marketing agency, and loves helping her husband grow a company that “speaks human.” Recently, she created The Story Project podcast, a video-driven show putting the spotlight on the incredible stories of the dentists we know and love. Joanna has been married to her best friend for twenty-five years and together they have two children in New Albany, Ohio. Spending time with family and friends cultivating deep, authentic relationships is her love language- bonus if it’s done on a hike or outside.

Website: www.joannascott.com Email: joanna@s8e8.com Instagram: @joannafscott

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Prayer For Friends & Lovers

Keep us O Lord, from pettiness. Let us be thoughtful in word and deed. Help us to put away pretense, and face each other in deep trust without fear or self pity.

Help us to guard against fault-finding, and be quick to discover the best in each other and in every situation. Guard us from ill temper and hasty judgment: encourage us to take time for all things, to grow calm, serene and gentle.

Help us to be generous with kind words and compliments.

Teach us never to ignore, never hurt, never take each other for granted. Engrave charity and compassion on our hearts..

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SUCCESS

LEAD ‘EM OR LOSE ‘EM CREATING A FEEDBACK CULTURE By Dana Salisbury MBA, SHRM-CP, SHRM-TA

“I

replace a couple of employees every year, no big deal.

It’s not just me, it just seems hard to keep assistants and hygienists in our area.” This is a comment I hear all too often when I ask dentists about team engagement.

Team turnover cost dentists $28,000 per event. Think about that. If you lose two employees this year it costs you nearly $56,000 in lost time, retraining, re-establishment of protocols and building of new relationships with patients. Take this out 10 years, and you can see that this is a half-million dollar conversation.

What if we treated our employees as well as we treat our patients?

What if we shifted our mindset from “customer service” to “customer and employee service”?

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10 employees can be motivated through an effective feedback exchange that will increase their attendance and performance, and lower your team attrition.

When employees understand their purpose and trust in your ability to help them move to action, the outcomes shift and work relationships become richer. Your employees want to understand their purpose, to know you care and to believe you are willing to act in their best interest. The outcomes of a productive feedback conversation are shown to enhance motivation, employment terms, and provide elevated outcomes.

Creating motivation through feedback builds leaders within companies.

Creating a feedback culture in your practice can activate leaders within your team, and when you create leaders, you gain support that alleviates your own leadership pressure.

Feedback conversations are often viewed as dreaded conversations laced with the fear of hurt feelings and temporary results. Employees want conversations about their performance, but the delivery doesn’t always feel like a natural process. The days of waiting 365 days to have a conversation about performance are long gone.

Leaders put extreme effort into hiring team members, agonizing about low performance, experiencing knowledge loss in the business and the costs of seeking and hiring a replacement.

The work relationship grows when individual impact is communicated and celebrated. Leaders that connect purpose to action are more likely to have more engaged employees.

Feedback as part of your everyday practice culture can increase trust and improve performance. Nine out of

Let’s talk about a three-step process with a sample scenario to motivate with feedback to shape the

The give-and-take of feedback can not only motivate outcomes, but it can build and extend the years of your star employees. Feedback to kick-start motivation provides your practice with the potential to reach new heights.

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SUCCESS employee experience and move a member to action.

with the naming of priorities.

Here’s the scenario: You notice that your top patient advisor, Mary, has a low treatment acceptance rate compared to April of the last three years.

Celebrating short wins holds the potential to build constructive habits. Acknowledge what you see and commend the positives. Feedback is laced with transparency, and your team wants to feel they have a seat at the table so they can see the big picture and help you move toward achieving your business initiatives.

Set Expectations We expect teams to listen and act on feedback we provide, but do we as leaders do the same for them by listening and acting on their suggestions? It’s said that leaders are listening to their employees now more than ever, but what action occurs based off team insight? After all, the team is in the trenches.

To provide validation and gain their agreement, you might say,

You may not heed all the advice shared with you, but allowing your team a seat at the table provides an opportunity to share the bigger picture and allow them to see the potential effects of their efforts. It’s creating an early conversation before things go too far and are no longer redeemable.

“Thank you for sharing what you see. Do you agree that we could help more patients with the right solution? You offer rich insight because of your direct patient interaction. Would you investigate your top recommendations for adding that new service and we’ll go from there?

Awesome! Another thing we can consider is that we typically see an increase in new patient flow in the Summer. We want to be sure we’re helping patients maximize their dental benefits while getting the treatment they need. Let me know what you find out and let’s talk again soon about this. You’ve got great ideas. Will you let me know what you need along the way?”

“Mary, I’d like to get your insight on something I’m seeing. I’ve noticed that we’re trending downward from the last several years in treatment acceptance. We use metrics to tell a story about how well we’re taking care of patients, and I want to talk to you about what’s changed and how we can help you get back to where you were.”

In the above example, the conversation shifts from validation to prioritization while influencing where the focus should be. By asking for insight during these conversations, trust can be elevated, safe spaces are created, and employees are influencing you in a positive way. Throughout the process, offer your support so that they know they have you for guidance and other resources. They will come to you more when invited.

Creating a culture of feedback acceptance starts with you embracing and acting on feedback about your leadership style and activities within the practice.

Employees want to know where they stand in your expectations so that they can impact the success of your practice and the team. The more consistent these conversations are, the more that your feedback is normalized and put into action.

Set the expectation that this is a two-way conversation, where they bring feedback to you, and you provide feedback to them.

Start by clearly stating what is working well to set the benchmark for stellar results and reinforce the good that is happening in the situation. Let them know you hope to mutually share, and work to bring the practice vision to fruition.

Honest and meaningful conversations increase the relationship dynamic as the team moves to higher levels of production.

Quick Validation & Prioritization The second piece is a two-step process to align employee efforts through validation of their actions. Here you focus on validating their efforts and shifting them into action

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Set the Focus During this process, you are creating a sense of belonging and positive impact. Studies show that what isn’t as important to employees is having a clear link between their work and the practice values. Aligning with practice values is critical for leadership, but it isn’t top-of-mind for team members.

We do ourselves a disservice and we let our team members down by waiting too long to try and have a deep conversation. We miss out on sharing an opportunity to support them and close off the chance to have them

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SUCCESS contribute in bigger ways. When we set the focus, it becomes about putting great ideas into action while using their input on how to make it work. Your team are the ones in the trenches and they know what needs to get done. It’s your role to surface their willingness to act and identify their action items.

You will know this is working when you are having richer conversations with your team, attendance is higher, turnover is reduced and patients are being served at higher levels. Patients will want to become employees, and employees will want to become your patients, referring their family and friends.

To set the focus, you may say something like this: “Our goal is to help patients commit to 85 percent of the treatment they’re diagnosed with.

Until we can make a decision on what you’re recommending, what else can we do to help patients commit to the treatment we know they need?”

Get their insight, and respond in ways similar to the following

About the Author Dana Salisbury guides leaders to build and serve teams at their highest capacity. She drives outcomes to maximize team potential through her expertise in human resources, hiring strategies, and personnel development.

Email: Danasalisbury@gmail.com.

“You’ve made great recommendations. Do you feel you have what you need to start with that today?”

“It looks like I’m leaving this in your capable hands.”

“If you feel you would like additional role playing, we can practice during our next team meeting, or if you’re interested in finding a workshop where you can learn with others, we can look into that.”

“I appreciate what you’re doing. You are incredibly conscientious, and I know we can resolve this.

I’m here to support you.”

Feedback conversations should always end on a positive note and an offering of support. Many times, team members will realize you trust them and move to action in new ways when you allow them to lead the way.

YOUR PARTNER TO PROSPER Propel your practice with Patterson.

Final Steps Normalizing open and ongoing feedback gives you the opportunity to influence the team to move to action. Consistent conversations that are intentionally scheduled, as well as impromptu dialogues, create more levels of trust and influence than you can imagine.

You hold the power to shift your team with this method of leading, and you can start at any time. By influencing the purpose to position, your team becomes leaders of themselves and their own actions. Fulfilled employees that understand their impact toward your practice vision become walking billboards for your business, in effect growing your practice.

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Supporting your success is central to our purpose.

We provide the products, technologies and services you need to modernize, grow and keep your practice running smoothly.

Whether you’re exploring a purchase, implementing a new technology or optimizing it for improvement, our experts will offer you unmatched support.

VISIT OUR VIRTUAL BOOTH TO TALK WITH A REPRESENTATIVE TRUSTED EXPERTISE. UNRIVALED SUPPORT.™ 21PD103459 (1/20)

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REFLECTION

SELF CARE FOR WOMEN, NOT JUST DURING A PANDEMIC By Amisha Singh DDS

I

n our living histories, perhaps there has never been another time where self care is more important than today. The last year of our lives has been steeped living in a reality few thought possible one year ago. We have all experienced different levels of stress, anxiety, pain and sadness in the past year. A metaphor which has been repeated and very salient for me is this concept of how the storm has been the same but the boats in which we have weathered it have been different for each of us. And the truth is, that it is still raining. Some of us have lost loved ones. Others have lost time- time with friends, time with family, time at work. Some of us are remote learning and remote working and remote socializing. Some of us are taking care of loved ones and tending to medical and personal needs which have become more immediate or remained unmet.

3.

Yoga poses to help with the ergonomic challenges of our profession.

4.

Journaling to reflect on the year that has passed and the year ahead.

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Letting a warm bath or hot shower wash away your worries. Practice being present by noticing the touch, smells and feels of this experience.

6.

Making a massage appointment with a local masseuse. Many have found new ways of providing a safe yet relaxing experience. If going out isn’t your jam, order some massage oils, warm them up, add some scents and candles and give and get a massage at home with a loved one.

So as we breathe in the rare (and still semi-new) air of 2021, we must figure out a way to help meet these needs which may be so easily overlooked for each of us. No matter how much or little the storm is still hammering at your windows, no matter how solid your boat, each of us needs a little something to help bolster our souls during this time. The more stressful life gets, the more we need time dedicated to self-care, to filling the cup which we cannot pour from when empty.

7.

Find a hiking trail and walk until your mind is clear.

8.

Buy an adult coloring book and get lost in a world of color which may remind you of sweet childhood memories.

9.

Find a delicious new recipe, put on some music and cook in your kitchen. (Accompanying glass of wine recommended, but not required).

10.

Download a meditation app or find some free YouTube videos and start a meditation practice.

So here in this article is a laundry list of the top 25 ways we can provide self-care for ourselves during these challenging times.

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1.

A warm cup of coffee or tea.

11.

Find a motivating playlist and hit the gym.

2.

Reading a chapter of an engrossing book under a blanket.

12.

Schedule a sleep time on your phone and tuck into bed to get a solid 8 hours of shut eye.

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REFLECTION

13.

Go to the grocery store and find 5 new (or old favorite) fruits or veggies to incorporate into your diet this week.

14.

Buy a new water bottle which makes hydration exciting again. Set a hydration goal and crush it every day this week!

15.

Use a Pomodoro timer to create breaks in your routine. During the break, put down your phone, look at things far away to help your eyes rest, and move around.

16.

Make a list of five things which you are doing out of obligation. Call this your “Not To Do” list and find ways to say “no” to obligatory things which are muddying your schedule and your soul.

17.

Find your favorite show and let yourself binge watch a few episodes. Bonus points if you include popcorn.

18.

Take some essential oils and massage them into your pulse points. Sit and breathe deeply for 5 minutes.

19.

Find a new fitness class to try- water aerobics, yoga, Zumba, bhangra dance are all good options!

20.

Pack a picnic with your favorite items and go have lunch outside under a beautiful tree.

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21.

Plan a socially-distant date or Zoom date with a loved one who you have missed. Block out time to connect with another human.

22.

Dust off your favorite board game and spend an afternoon playing it with friends or family.

23.

Start an art journal. Use your favorite mediums to create joy on blank, white pages. Document something awesome that happened every day.

24.

Turn on your favorite song and sing to it at the top of your lungs. Bonus points for dancing like no one is watching.

25.

Sit in your stillness and list every single thing you are grateful for. Make it an exhausting list and keep listing until your mind is clear.

About the author: Dr. Amisha Singh is a Denver native and loves living in beautiful Colorado. She is a dentist by training and has dedicated her career to equity and inclusion in higher education and healthcare. She is faculty at the University of Colorado School of Dental Medicine and serves as the Director of Diversity and Inclusion. It is here that she pioneered the inaugural use of the Restorative Justice process for the Anschutz Medical Campus. She serves on the ADA Dental Wellbeing Advisory Committee, the ADA Council for Health Literacy, the ADA Women in Leadership Thinktank, and as an ADA Success Speaker. She is also a blogger and professional speaker who travels the country to inspire other healthcare professionals and advocate for equity in higher education. She writes for numerous publications, serves on the junior editorial board for Dental Entrepreneur Women’s magazine, the Dental Economics Editorial Advisory Board and as co-editor of the MDDS Articulator. She was recognized as one of the 2017 10 Under 10 Top ADA Dentists nationally. Her passion is encouraging entrepreneurial spirit, inspiring others and she wants to dedicate her life to helping create equitable paths to success for all. When not practicing dentistry, she loves to get lost in a good book, cook, and do all things creative.

-Amisha Singh DDS amishasinghdds@gmail.com Director, Diversity and Inclusion Programming Clinical Assistant Professor School of Dental Medicine University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus

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