Husband to Wife: “How many people have you slept with?” She wears my Harley t-shirts to bed. Wife: “I have only ever slept with you.” She wears my leather jacket when she’s cold. Hubby: “Wow, really?” She even wears my boxer shorts when we cook breakfast Wife: “Yeah, the rest managed to keep me awake.” together on Sunday mornings. But I put on -------------------------------------------------------------her panties one time when we’d both had a tad too much to Lil’ Joey was talking with his teacher about whales. drink, and parade around the living room and suddenly, out of Teacher said it was ‘physically impossible for a whale to swallow nowhere, I have “serious mental issues and I’ve “overstepped my a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its’ boundaries”. Women! go figure. throat was very small. Lil’ Joey stated that Jonah was swallowed --------------------------------------------------------------by a whale. Irritated, the Teacher reiterated that a whale could Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in her Catholic not swallow a human; physically impossible. Lil’ Joey said, “When Sunday School class, but she did have a perfect attendance I get to Heaven I will ask Jonah myself.” The Teacher quickly record. She’d show up and sleep through the entire class. asked, The teacher Nun thought she’d test her to see if she was just “What if Jonah went to Hell?” Lil’ Joey replied, “Well, in that case, listening with her eyes closed. Teacher Nun inquired, “Tell me you ask him.” Mary -------------------------------------------------------------Margaret, who created the universe?” When Mary Margaret didn’t A guy in a library asks a collegefirst agedday young woman if the only stir,driving Lil’ Joey, a her best buddy, driving a cab. I’ve been hearse for took his pencil and jabbed her in her open seat in the library is o.k. for him to sit in. butt. “God Almighty!” The girl yells out very loudly, “No! I do not want to spend the Mary Margaret shouted out. night with you!!” Teacher Nun was very pleased. A while later Teacher Nun asks, Everyone in the library looked up, staring at the guy, then looked “Mary Margaret, who is our Lord and Savior?”. Once again Lil’ back down. The guy was extremely embarrassed. Johnny came to the rescue and stuck his pencil in his friend’s The guy sat down in the only empty seat and waited for a few butt. “Jesus Christ!!!” Mary Margaret again shouted very loudly. minutes to pass. “Very good” was Teacher Nun’s reply. The girl very quietly whispered to the guy, “I’m learning Teacher Nun in closing out class for the day and asked of Mary psychology and wanting to experience first-hand the theory of Margaret, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd cause and effect. So you were obviously very embarrassed by my child?” Lil’ Johnny yet again came to the rescue. Mary Margaret outburst, am I right? jumped up and screamed out, “If you stick that damn thing in me The guy turned towards her and with a booming voice announced, one more time, I’ll break it in half!” “$200. just for an ‘afternoon delight’, forget it, that’s way too Teacher Nun fainted. much!! --------------------------------------------------------------Every single person, including the Librarian, looked up in total I heard the government is wanting to put chips inside of people. shock and just stared at the girl. Wow! I hope I get Doritos. The guy whispered in the girl’s ear as he rose to leave, “I’m and alla his golfing buddie married to the most manipulative bitch in the world, and I During these trying times I feel“Putter” we’ve all learned valuable definitely have already learned how to make anyone feel guilty. lesson; Hangovers are temporary, but Drunk stories, yeah, those You’re extremely mortified, am I right? are Forever! -------------------------------------------------------------Guys at the local watering hole talking about anyone every seeing My neighbor just got arrested for Weed. all growing want to finish up and grab a dr an actual U.F.O. A regular whom everyone likes and respects his Apparently, my property line isn’t quite where I opinion stopped talking while he spoke. thought it was. I personally saw a flying saucer this morning. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me during breakfast. These diva-wanna-be chicks acting like they’re too good for McDonald’s fries be all, “I actually care what goes into my body”. Bitch please, I’ve seen all your exes, so yeah, no you do not. 14 JUNE 2020 THUNDER ROADS MAGAZINE MICHIGAN
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