a nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down a police officer radioed the station house saying, “i have an into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration. interesting case here. an old lady shot her husband for stepping “What troubles you, Sister?” asked Mother Superior. “i thought on the floor she just mopped.” Said he’s been doing this for 54 this was the day you spent with your family.” years and she just snapped. Chief says, “Well, have you arrested returns home A passenger in a taxi heading forwas,” Tampa Airport “it sighed the Sister. “andGearHead i went to play golf with my a day ear the woman?”. officer comes back quick, “not yet! the floor’s still his bike broke down and when he leaned over to ask the driver a question brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. you know i washe caugh wet.” of town, and then grabbed a cab. and gently tapped him on the quite shoulder to get his a talented golfer before i devoted my life to the Church.” It’s after midnight. attention. “i seem to recall Mother While Superioron agreed. Bubba is asking earl’s advice. “ya’ know we allscreamed, stayed out really his way home, he asks t The driver lost control of the cab,that,” nearly “So iand takestopped it your dayjust of recreation wasbe not arelaxing?” would witness. The man susp a bus, drovethere up on over late at the new topless bar and hit when i got home the the curb affair, andlanguage he wants to c inches two from a large window. “far from it,” snorted the Sister.having “in fact,an i used profane handle of the microwave was balanced apples with aplate-glass banana act. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. today.” in the middle sticking out and my best skinning knife stuck in the Then, the shaking driver said, “Are you o.k.? I’m so For $100 bucks, the cabby agrees gasped Superior. “you must tell me banana. What in the hell do yousorry, think isbut up with that?” earl thinks Quietly arriving home, theallhusban you scared the living“goodness, daylightsSister!” out of me.”Mother about it!” a bit, tilts his head at Bubba and says, “do you think she’s wanting apologized to the toe into the bedroom. The badly shaken passenger GearHead switches on the lights, “Well, ontap the 5th and this hole is a monster, driver and said, “I didn’t realize thatwea were mere on tee — you to eat more fruit?”. there hisa wife, the shoulder would startle someone so540 badly.” Mother — yard par 5, with back a nastyand dogleg rightisand hiddenin bed justlife.asthe hesweetest suspected! The driver replied, “No, no, I’mgreen the …one who should and i hit the drive of my swing i’ve two guys, both around 60 yearsapologize, old, pulled init’s theentirely same slotmy at fault. Today is my very GearHead puts his gun to the nak everdriving made. and it’s flyingfor straight true,shouts, right along the line i Sonic as all the spots were full. first the one guy, Bert, is on aI’ve been Theandwife dayolddriving a cab. a hearse ‘Don’t do it! I lied when I told you scooter and places his order and nods to Jax, on his beloved wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!” the past 25 who’s years.” Aunt Sarah. “oh my.” commiserated Mothermoney Superior.from “how my unfortunate. But night train, to then place his order. they’re both eating their grub Mildred, the small town gossipsurely and that self-appointed HE paidSister.” for the Audi I gave you on didn’t make you blaspheme, and talking bikes when Bert pumps up his chest and says, “i get monitor of church morals, was always one to stick HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. “no, that wasn’t admitted the Sister. “While i was still trying to 80 miles per gallon, what you get?” is chewing away people’s and looks business. her Jax nose into other Mostit,” memHE paid for your season tickets. fathom what had this out of the woods, Bert right in the eyes; “i get laid.” bers of the congregation did not approve of happened, her HEsquirrel paid runs for our house at the lake. intrusions, but she was fearedgrabs due my to ball herand lethal runs off down the fairway.” HE paid for your African tour with forked tongue, soand everyone maintained their si-made mebuddies andsympathized your newMother ATV. “oh, that would have blaspheme.” have you ever just stood there listening to someone you lence. HE paid for the custom rims for yo Superior. literally have to fight the urge toShe justtook start singing as loud as you that fatal step too far one day, when she HE paid for our Family WaterWorld “Butnew i didn’t, Mother!”of sobbed the Sister. “and i was so proud of can that great ole classic from the Wizard “Lightning”, of oz......if youaonly accused biker, and member And, HE even pays the monthly du myself! andshe whilesaw i was pondering whether this was a sign from the Church, of being an alcoholic after his had a Brain? js Private schooling. old Chevy pickup parked in front of this the hawk smallswoops town’s above, out ofShaking the sky and thefrom squirrel hisgrabs head side-to-side only bar all morning and late into the night. She ers his gun. He looks totally confu and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws.” So “Boozer” gets home at 5am after being out partying all night emphatically told Lightning in “So front of when the entire cabby and says, that’s you cursed,” said Mother Superior with an alland first thing he does is reach congregation for his bottle of Jack in the seeing that pickup thatdaniels “Everyone ‘What the hell would you do? knowing smile. freezer to make him a nightcap.there as the would freezer door is shutting know what he was doing”. Fact was, The cabby never skips a beat and “nope,Gus, that wasn’t it either,” cried “because Lightning hadreads: volunteered to help the bar he sees a note from his fiancé on the door that “this histhe assSister, withanguished, that blanket before he owner, repair a leaky ceiling in the kitchen. But Gus as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started cold.’ isn’t working. goodbye.” Boozer opens it up again and thinks to was not a member of the congregation so the nothing struggling, and hawk dropped him right there on the green, himself, “what is wrong with that woman, the door works just was brought to light. “Putter” and all his golfing buddie and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches fine.” js Lightning, a man of few words but plenty of action, the green while he’s got a very im from the cup.” stared at her for a solid minute, then just got up win the game that’s not over 15 fe Mother Superior sat back in herstraight chair, folded and left the church. He said nothing. in. her arms across her guys, when a woman is really super mad, just tell her she’s Later that early morning; around 1:00 a.m., Light“Handicap” out, “come chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare andyells deadpanned… “you on, a overreacting and she’ll look at you, realize your absolutely right ning parked his pickup directly in front of Mildred’s all want to finish up and grab a dr missed the f*#^ing putt, didn’t you?” and calm the puck down immediately.
house, walked home, and left it there all night long
Putter replies back, although in a
Lmao.....call me from the hospital. needinto to discuss your lack of andWelate the lunch hour. “don’t bust my balls here huh? My gravestone, i’ll watching put the basic intuition but also i have a 1972 shovel w/ only 50 miles on it a bitter husband says to his wife; on“on theyour Club’s veranda us Things That Make You Go Hmmmm?? words: Cold as ever.” get it right”. Handicap yells back, for sale. Js Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you “Nah, forget that’s the wife replies, “fine by me. on yours’, i’ll justabout simply it, put: Stiff way to get undressed, only to sit down in front of you never hit her from here”. at Last.”
and see all you got to see in plain view, when they return to the room?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
One year, I decided to buy my mo cemetery plot as a birthday gift The next year, I didn’t buy her a g
