May 2011 Designed to Flourish

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Designed to Flourish aims to inspire, encourage and uplift the women of Hampton Roads.

Gardening 101: Seeds that will make your Heart blossom!

Share your mega-watt smile, just because x Keep praise on your lips, no matter who hears you x Buy coffee for a stranger x Insist that the little old lady cut you in line x Let stuff go x Throw your BFF a surprise party x Get your hiney to church even if you’re too tired, you’ll be glad you did x Eat some chocolate on a regular basis x Mind your p’s and q’s x Play with the kids in your life as much as you can x Live your dreams x Be who you know you are meant to be x Ignore the critics x Take more chances x Play in the rain x Let the house get messy sometimes. Go on! x If you can afford it, pay someone to help you with the things you really despise doing x Allow the Lord to continually lead and guide you x Remember the two things we all need each day, new undies and daily Bible reading, not necessarily in that order x Submit your big decisions to wise counsel x Always lay your burdens at Jesus’ feet x Keep your chin up, your heart open and your feet firmly planted x Take your health seriously, but aging gracefully x Work like the ant, but play like a child x Always keep Jesus first x Live a life of purpose x Laugh x Make art x Keep the garden of your heart pure

Her Fitness Goals are Spiritual as Well as Physical April Olson had already turned a background in exercise science into a successful career as a fitness coach when she decided to take those talents to the mission field—at home and abroad. Regent University’s divinity program—with its outstanding reputation and renowned faculty—helped give her calling shape. As one of the nation’s leading Christian universities, Regent prepares thousands of principled leaders to excel in their chosen field.

“Regent equipped me to bridge the gap between spiritual, emotional and physical health,” April says.

Ready to bring your talents into your calling? We’ll help you discover how.

Call 800.373.5504 www.regent.edu

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Associate’s  Bachelor’s Master’s  Doctoral On Campus & Online Business  Communication & the Arts Divinity  Education  Government Law  Leadership  Psychology

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Virginia Beach, Virginia

Christian Leadership to Change the World Regent University is accredited by the Commission on Colleges of the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools to award associates, baccalaureate, masters, and doctorate degrees. Contact the Commission on Colleges at 1866 Southern Lane, Decatur, Georgia 30033-4097 or call 404.679.4500 for questions about the accreditation of Regent University. Regent University admits students without discrimination on the basis of race, color, disability, gender, religion or national or ethnic origin. Regent University is certified by the State Council of Higher Education for Virginia to operate campuses within the Commonwealth of Virginia. MKT110258

Editor's

Note

Flowers.

They are right up there with chocolate and new shoes. Am I right? I mean, tell me who isn’t a pushover for a great bouquet? Flowers are lovely, fragrant, unique and dignified. Mostly, they just love to stretch towards the sun, in full bloom, to be adored for their glorious beauty. But alas, with all their exquisiteness, they are also extremely delicate. One false move and they can quickly wilt, hanging their blooms in apparent sadness, their beautiful fragrance no longer filling the air. Ahhh yes, so like the heart of a woman.

Perhaps it is because of these “human” characteristics that a woman’s inner being is often referred to as “the garden of her heart?” Seems to me it’s because flowers just plain have a feminine soul.

Now, as much as I love flowers, I am not necessarily “much” of a gardener. Okay, that is being kind.

Once, I actually even managed to overheat and kill a cactus! Enough said. But, even with my inexperience, I have some combat wounds from an epic “War of the Roses” style battle with weeds.

The chaos began with some ill-timed planting by one well-meaning neighbor and her “innovative” gardening ideas. One day she told me (from her side of the fence) that she had purposefully planted lots of creeping jenny, so that when she gets older she will not have to cut her grass. (I guess she figured it doesn’t grow very high, and is at least green?) Not really grasping the potential severity of the situation (and not sure if she was joking), I just shrugged it off and thought, Oh. Smart, saying “You’ll have to let me know about that sometime.”

Well, she let me know all right! Not too long after that we had to take a few weeks (ok, maybe more like a few years) off from diligently tending to our yard after the addition of what turned into three new babies. Well, practically before the “epi” had worn off from birth number one, that horrendous substance mozied right on under our fence and made itself at home! Before I even had a good handle on diaper duty, that “jenny” had crept her way through our entire lawn—choking out our already frail grass and small, fledgling, Charlie-Brown-esque flower garden.

Well, our hearts can be taken over by “jenny” just like my flowers. It doesn’t matter how much water, food or sunshine we provide; if we don’t watch it, those darn weeds will creep in seemingly overnight and choke out our hopes, dreams and pliable hearts. Some “weeds” that seem to be particularly drawn to a women’s heart can be: anxiety, depression, comparison, control or manipulation, gossiping, eating and spending issues, complaining and insecurity, just to name a few. Yuck! I’ll take “fragrant flowers” over that any day, thank you very much! Too, there is no finger pointing here! Though I certainly battle my own share of “weeds,” believe you me.

But thankfully, even if weeds have “taken over,” it is possible to just ask the Lord to shine His light on them and simply uproot and eliminate them.

In our yard, we had to spray lots of chemicals specifically designed to kill the weeds, but preserve the grass and flowers. It worked, but there were big brown patches left in its wake. So, we planted new grass seeds that we had to really “baby” for some time to really allow them to take root.

Our freshly weeded hearts can need some nurturing too. We need good seeds (faith), water (the Word of God), sun (time in the Lord’s presence), and weed killer (prayer, walking in forgiveness/ accountability). It seems like a lot of work (physically and metaphorically), but the blooming garden that is our heart brings such abundant life, refreshing sustenance, fragrant joy and life giving beauty -- to us and those around us --that it is worth the occasional blister!

Let’s try to keep our hearts in mind as we admire all the beautiful flowers, trees and fruit springing up around us this season. Perhaps as we breathe in their beautiful fragrance or taste their glorious sweetness, we can allow the moment to serve as a reminder that our hearts also need nourishing to thrive -- just like a garden. What would happen if, during that short moment, we quietly asked the Lord to dig in the garden of our own hearts to do a little “weed duty?” If we do this continually, our own hearts can stay in full, beautiful, flourishing bloom – more majestic than any flower garden!

In Him,

“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever ” (Psalm 52:8).

Designed to Flourish Magazine is for Hampton Roads Christian singles, wives, moms, friends, daughters . . . women. It is for those aspiring to be all they were created to be—their most beautiful and fulfilled selves. It is for women who desire to sparkle with the light of Christ in their relationships, roles, finances, life goals, and all areas of life. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).

This includes being a Proverbs 31 woman!

224 Springbrook Lane Chesapeake, VA 23320 757-348-5664 iflourishonline.com Publisher/Executive Editor Kelly Head Senior Editor Cresta Shawver Design Director Nicole Knight Distribution Manager Tricia Vera Editorial Team Elizabeth Bergman Christy McCullough Tricia Vera Flourish Ad Design Victoria Moore Chanelle Holloman Contributing Writers Theresa Ceniccola, Melissa McDermott, Michelle Jeter, Pam Johnson, Phyllis Johnson, Amy Messinger, Dr. Linda Mintle, Jennifer Miller, Joy Moore, Felicia Murrell, Vierna Naomi, Amy Volk, Joy Wansley, and Dana Williams Special Thanks Harvest Assembly and New Life Providence churches along with all of the wonderful contributors. Thank you!

Designed to Flourish Magazine is published six times a year by Flourishing Media, LLC. No portion may be reproduced without the written consent of the publishers. The opinions of the contributing writers do not necessarily reflect those of the publishers.

Flourishing Media LLC, assumes no liability for products, services or statements made by advertisers. The publishers reserve the right to refuse advertisements that do not meet the publications standards.

Have your Designed to Flourish Magazine delivered for $18 annually to cover the cost of shipping & processing.

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In

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This

Issue

Editor's Note: Nurturing your soul into FULL BLOOM

5 Christianity in High Heels: NOT Catching the Bouquet

6

6 Beautiful Garden: Beauty Queen Marguerite Evan’s heart now blossoms despite a once painful past Flourish: So, What’s Love Got to 9 Do With Being Glamorous, Darling?

10 Dementia has been stealing my mother…but she’s still my mom The Flourish Cutie Pie 12 Mintle Health: I Love My Mother, but…

Fitness: What might really be hindering your fitness goals?

About the Cover Artist

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13 Smart Cents: We’re broke! Do we still have to give money to our church?

Simplified Living: The Big Spring Clean 14 15 Suburban Homesteader: On Growing an Herb Garden, Yep, Anywhere From “Hippy” to Happy with Me 16

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17 Living with Purpose: Nurture Your Soul & 20 Things you can say “No” to Now 18 Palette: Smithfield’s Robbie Perrotti Younger Paints “Divine Impressions”

19 Life Lessons from a “Smelly” Garden & An Easy Breesy Homemade Bubble Recipe 20 The Crisis Pregnancy Center: Serving Women in Crisis 21 Life Story: How Could I be Pregnant?

Junior League Recipe Winner: 22 Grandma Rosina’s Meatless “Meatballs” 4

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Robbie Perrotti Younger is an impressionistic painter of fine art and painted furniture. She has a shop in historic Smithfield and shares her joy and love of God’s creation through her pieces.

See a full article about Robbie on page 18.

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Not Catching that Bouquet blessedbabe As a “professional” maid of honor, the brides always seem to want me be the one to catch their bridal bouquet during “the toss” at their wedding. You know how it works, right? It’s the story about how the single woman who catches the bride’s wedding bouquet will be the next one to walk down the aisle in marital bliss. So, of course, my well-meaning girl friends want me to be “next” (even though they claim they don’t believe in this superstition), to the point where they would even want to throw the bouquet in my direction.

In all the weddings I’ve attended, the bouquet was never difficult to catch.

All of the brides were ready to throw them, but most of us single ladies would shy away when called for “the toss.” No one wants to be labeled as desperate or too eager to get married. All the single ladies I know want to be that dignified, proud, happy and independent single who doesn’t need a man to get by (despite secretly wanting to march down the aisle next).

So yes, I was also one of these women. Even with all the weddings I have happily witnessed (and friends, I have never caught the bouquet), I was able to plan many different ways to avoid it. I had a slew of different hiding places. Sometimes I even deliberately snubbed the host, refusing to participate in anything even remotely bouquet-related.

Lately though, I have been appreciating my single life and all the freedom that it possesses more so than any other time in my life. I think it started when I decided to enjoy every bit of the “now” moments that I have, instead of stressing too much on the future that isn’t here yet. God has secured my future, but He surely is a God of right now. If I have this desire to get married (and I do), I’m sure that God wouldn’t dangle this desire in my face just to tease or annoy me. Embracing this kind of faith has liberated me, and my happiness as a single Christian girl is now genuine.

Since I had this revelation, it got me thinking. Why not go after the bouquet this time? After all, I don’t have to put up this armor of “Happily single. Not interested. (Yawn.)” I am not afraid to get real. Yes, I do appreciate my single life, but . . . I do want to get married eventually!

There is another wedding coming up, and some friends have assured me that they have rigged the bouquet toss to “my” advantage. So nothing has changed—I still don’t have to work hard for it. No clawing against the other girls. No elbowing or pushing. No screaming to distract the others from getting their hands on that coveted bouquet that could symbolize their marital destiny. (Can you just sense the pressure?) I just have to show up for “the toss” and there’s actually a 90% chance that I will get that bouquet. So I started thinking that maybe I should just go for it. At least I’ll never have to wonder what it feels like.

If I do get it, the chances of me getting married next just because I got the bouquet are slim—it’s still just a superstition. But the chances that God has secured my future is 100%, and that is what I’m banking on. It surely is enough. And hey, what girl doesn’t love flowers? “blessed babe” works as a marketing communications professional in the Philippines. She’s also actively involved in organizing events for her local church’s young adults and market workplace ministries. Aside from all this, she’s a professional maid of honor, aunt, shopper and blogger.

Her single Christian girls adventures are chronicled at www.christianityinhighheels.com.

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Beautiful Garden Kelly Head

activities, but it was more to fill the void. There was one friend, however, who gave her the first glimpse into the world of modeling. That experience planted seeds that continued to grow.

About five years later, she saw her first prestigious beauty pageant.

“It was called the Jacaranda Queen Pageant. It was just so majestic and drew me in. I remember being very far away from the stage, but just being captivated by the

The moment Marguerite Evans was crowned Miss Universe South Africa First Runner-Up in 1997, was just as you would imagine—glitter, beauty, applause, happiness and tears. Spectators might never imagine that the stunning, perfectly poised winner was ever anything but a confident beauty.

beauty of the dresses, the gorgeous purple Jacaranda tree blossoms,” she remembers. “Standing there, so small and far away, I would never have even imagined that I would be involved in something like that.”

“I was hungry for love and acceptance, and began searching for

and two younger sisters moved

love in all the wrong places. My life

story doesn’t begin with lots of

to a tiny one-bedroom cottage in

was quickly going down the drain.

glimmer or confidence. Born in a

someone's backyard. “I didn’t make

My friend’s mother told us to visit a

small South African town, she has

friends easily and people looked

church in the city. I eventually found

fond memories of her family farm,

down on us then,” she explained.

my way there, not

However, Marguerite’s personal

but was already showing such

knowing when the

intense signs of emotional stress

away. My

that she began stuttering for a

mother married

short time at age three. At age

again, more to

seven, she was hospitalized for a

give us a home,

week with symptoms of physical

but it was not

sickness, but all the doctor could

good. We had

services

find was a stressed-out little girl.

a home, but

started, or

the man was

even what

time,” she recalls. Memories of

not a father

I’d find when

sexual abuse occurring while she

to us. I was

I got there.

was a young girl surfaced just a few

angry, confused,

years ago, providing some answers

hurt, and

to her early emotional struggles.

ultimately rebelled against my

way home when I felt a burden to

She also recalls her father being

parents. Life had no meaning to me,

turn around, to go back and receive

withdrawn, suffering from an addiction

so I lived for the moment. Those

prayer. The turning point in my life

to pain medication and depression,

who knew me thought I’d never

was when I received ministry from

which added to her stress.

accomplish anything,” she said.

a woman, who led me through the

“My childhood was such a lonely

Her parents divorced when she was

6

“At the age of 14, my father passed

Marguerite Evans (left) was crowned First Runner Up Miss Universe South Africa in 1997.

Though still insecure, Marguerite

One day, I was on my

prayer of repentance. Believe me, I

nine years old, but life was still

did begin to make some friends in high

was there for a while! But the longer I

difficult. Marguerite, her mother

school. She was involved in many

prayed, I felt the burden lift from my

iflourishonline.com | facebook.com/designedtoflourish

shoulders, and I was

Universe South Africa pageant.

filled with the Holy

In the years that followed,

Spirit. I experienced

Marguerite worked in the

amazing grace!

fashion industry and earned an

“That’s what’s so

International Diploma in Fashion

wonderful about the

and Beauty Make-Up. She owned

Lord,” she continued.

and operated a modeling school

“Jesus died for all of

and event production company in

our sins and nothing

South Africa for over six years.

In 2000, Marguerite’s life took

is too big or too small for Him to forgive us. My life was

A professional makeup artist, Marguerite shows a woman how to highlight her beautiful eyes.

an unexpected turn when she felt called by God to attend the School

radically changed that

automatic entrance into the Miss

of Ministry (SoM) in Toronto. So

day. What was hidden in darkness

Universe South Africa pageant.

she packed up and left her home

was brought into the light, and for

“I knew it was all the Lord. By that

and business for Canada. She says

time, my life had so changed that all I

that the Lord did a deep work in her

“It was that day that I turned

really wanted to do was to reach my

heart during her time at SoM. After

from my sin and began to have a

peers with the love of Christ. I knew

graduating, she was asked to join

personal relationship with Christ.

that what He had done for me, He

the school staff. She also joined

After that, I suddenly didn’t have

could do for others. I really saw being

her local church staff and worked

the first time, I felt freedom.”

there for over three years.

the same taste for the things

Marguerite and her husband

of this world anymore. It was amazing,” she said. Many

Andrew moved to the United States

layers of hurt that had begun

in 2004 and to Virginia Beach in

so long ago were peeled

2008. Marguerite ministers locally

away, allowing the beautiful, confident woman underneath to begin shining through.

Ironically, soon after giving her life fully to Christ and gaining confidence from knowing who she was in Him, Marguerite’s

a beauty pageant

modeling career really begin to

winner as the

take off. Soon after, at age 21, she

platform that would

actually entered her first prestigious

open the doors

beauty pageant. That pageant

for me to reach

happened to be the same Jacaranda

people,” she said.

Queen Pageant she had been a spectator at a few years earlier.

While she didn’t place the first year, the very next year she actually

Marguerite ministers to a woman as part of her “Beauty from the inside out” ministry.

“So I told the Lord that if it was going to happen,

and internationally in conferences,

I would use it for His glory.”

seminars, church services and make

With God in control, Marguerite

over events. She hosted the weekly

won the entire pageant. It was a short

stood on the stage in shock as

Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN)

time, but a long distance from a few

she was asked to proceed to the

Spiritual Gifts Webcast and is currently

years earlier when she stood way

winner’s circle—ultimately to be

a beauty correspondent and prayer

back behind the crowds. Winning that

named first runner-up of the Miss

counselor on the CBN 700 Club

pageant was what gave Marguerite

Interactive Show where she is involved facebook.com/designedtoflourish | iflourishonline.com

7

with special makeover segments where the lives of broken women are transformed on camera through her ministry. She also ministers both locally and internationally.

Marguerite has a real desire to help women find their Marguerite Evans as a professional model.

true beauty both inside and out. She

has worked with international models and designers and also loves training non-industry children, teens and adults to be models in special event fashion shows.

She specializes in “makeovers” from the inside out.

Marguerite credits forgiveness as one major key in moving from the past into all that the Lord has for her as a person.

“It is so amazing, the reality, that God truly changes people’s lives. Today, when I think of my father, I can find fond memories, and I can honestly smile when I think of him. The Lord has taken the pain from my childhood and saved my life. Those who I have forgiven definitely didn’t deserve it, but I had a choice: I could either be imprisoned by pain, or forgive and trust that God would work things out.”

On choosing a life serving Jesus, she said, “Knowing God has been the greatest adventure I could ever imagine. I’ve had to turn away from certain things, and sometimes even friends, but I’ve done so in order to choose what God’s best is. Looking back, the price seems small now, but at the time it was a tremendous decision. God has a plan for you and I, He holds our best in his heart, and our lives in His hands,” she said.

While Marguerite’s story didn’t begin with a lot of confidence, she now takes what were some very personal lessons and shares them with other women. She is still standing behind the crowds. But now she is beaming as the women she has ministered to take the stage at her fashion shows/makeover events with their own newfound beauty and Godgiven confidence! Beauty from the inside out!

To book Marguerite to speak or to host a fashion show and/or makeover event, email her at m@MargueriteEvans.com. To learn more about her ministry visit www.MargueriteEvans.com.

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Q&A

Designed to Flourish sits down with Marguerite Evans

Finding Your Captivating Beauty

Q:

What is it that gives you such a passion for doing inner and outer beauty makeovers?

God has done so much healing in my own heart, setting me free from low self-esteem and self worth. I know with everything in me that what God did for me He can and will do to anyone whose heart is open. True beauty starts from within. You can try to fix the outside alone, but it will only take you so far. Until the heart is on a journey of healing all "outside" change is temporary.

Q:

When a woman doesn’t feel good about herself, from your experience, how does the enemy use that to hinder her in her life?

Unfortunately, what happens is that she often starts to agree with the voice of the enemy instead of what the Lord says about her.

When that happens, people live their lives believing those lies about themselves and not stepping into all that God has for them. You are who you believe you are in your heart and whom you believe God is.

Life comes when we agree with what our Heavenly Father says about us and believe that He is good, kind, faithful, trustworthy, slow to anger and loves each one of us with an everlasting love!

Q:

You said that all women have a captivating beauty.

Why do you say that and how do women find it?

Beauty comes from the inside and shines through outwardly.

Every woman has something that makes her unique and beautiful. I've seen women change in front of my eyes as the Lord brings healing to their hearts—their faces soften and there is a beauty that shines through. Beauty is a woman knowing who she is as a daughter of the Most High God! There is no striving, competition or fear, but a peace within (from God) and love that touches lives wherever she goes.

Q:

Within your ministry, what are some of the most common areas of brokenness that you see that seem to contribute to a woman who has stopped taking care of her appearance?

Each woman’s situation is unique, but some of the common ones are where the person was not celebrated as a child, or another time in her life. Where negative words were spoken instead of praise and encouragement. Hurt is not just from what was done to us but also from what we did not receive, like healthy hugs and cuddles as a child.

Others are where something happened in her life that had a negative impact, for example, a lost opportunity, disappointments, betrayal, jealousy, death, divorce, abuse, rape, abortion, and so forth. Many people try to just forget about it and move on, but until you deal with it in a Godly way it will affect your life in many different ways. Another area that causes hurt is where bad decisions were made. We need to know that Jesus paid the ultimate price for sin: our sin and those done toward us. So there is nothing we've done that is too big for Him to forgive us for and nothing too big happened to us that He cannot heal.

Q:

You talk about a woman's heart as a garden. What do you mean by that and how is a woman to cultivate that garden?

A garden in the natural needs tending. The weeds need to be removed so that the flowers can grow beautifully. It is important to have a heart that says "Lord come and dig in the garden of my heart." Ask Him to remove all the pain, wrong things done to you, bad decisions, regrets, anger, bitterness, lost opportunities and so forth. so that the good things He has can grow in our lives. Pain and love cannot live together. As He removes all these things, more of His love can flow in and through our lives to others. We can step into the good plans He has for each one of us!

Glamour: What’s Love Got to Do with it?

Joy Wansley Elizabeth Taylor once said, “True glamour comes from within . . . It radiates from the soul.” Perhaps it may also be said that a soul that “radiates” is a heart drunk with syrupy sweet love that when people see you they might think there is something different about you. What is it? Better yet, who is it?

Love is such a beautiful thing…don’t you agree?

Typically love is when the heart is a flutter, you have a smile on your face 24/7, and you feel like you are walking on cloud nine! Colors seem brighter, the air is crisper and you have a slight skip in your step.

But mirror-mirror on the wall: What reflection would you see if you didn’t have lots of love lavished on you from others? Would you lose the flutter in your heart or the skip in your step? Or, do you truly love yourself? Are we so focused on giving or receiving from others that we truly have no clue how we feel about ourselves?

God’s Word says that love is kind, patient, trusts, does not delight in evil, is not proud, does not dishonor, is not envious, not boastful, not easily angered, not selfseeking, always protects, always hopes, and always perseveres (I Corinthians 13, NKJV paraphrase).

With that said . . . how many of us can HONESTLY say that we are this way with ourselves? O.K. do me a favor . . . get up from wherever you are sitting and go to the nearest mirror.

Now stand there, look yourself straight in the eyes, and take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, Do I LOVE me? No seriously, do it! It is times like these that can cause an awakening inside your spirit--an ‘ah-ha’ moment that could possibly shake you to your core and shed some light.

I know that this is a tough question to pose to you.

Sometimes just looking in the mirror, you can see more clearly where you may have neglected yourself. Without any fault of your own . . . stress, busy life, unforeseen circumstances, lack of time, or just a rut can jam you up. Before you know it, you are sitting on the edge of your bed with tears trickling down your chin. “What in the world happened to me,” you wonder. You feel tired, lost, frustrated, disconnected, hopeless, angry, jealous of friends who seem to have it all together, and most of all, God-forbid, frumpy!!

But be encouraged! There is always hope! First we work from the inside-out. Psalm 139:17 says, “Oh how amazing are your thoughts concerning me. . . . ” The Lord cares for you with all things big and small. If it is on your heart, it is on His heart. He wants you to know how much He loves you as His beloved. “My refuge and my fortress, My God in whom I trust!”

(Psalm 91:2). He is your Heavenly Father who wants to protect you, and who wants you to rely on Him to be your first love.

The Lord has searched you and He knows you inside and out. It’s so beautiful and warming to know that He knows your thoughts before they even leave your tongue. He knows when you wake up and lie down. You cannot go anywhere without His presence, for He formed you in your mother’s womb. How special is that? He thinks about you all the time!

(Psalm 139, KJV paraphrase). You are so precious to Him that He considers your body a temple of the Holy Spirit.

Your body’s purpose is to glorify God (I Corinthians 6:1920, KJV paraphrase). When we know how much He loves us, we let that love overflow and can understand that we should love ourselves too and see ourselves as HE sees us.

Keeping all of this in mind, take time for yourself! Spend quiet time with your Heavenly Father on a daily basis so you can see yourself through His eyes. Eat a healthy diet, get enough of sleep, exercise properly, and adhere to yearly health exams. Do not let the things of this world overwhelm you!

Then, it’s time to play! Try a new hair-do, a fresh cut, whimsical color, manicure, pedicure, massage, an outfit that makes you feel like a new woman, or just a new perfume/ lotion where the scent transcends you into a level of serenity. Maybe do a weekend getaway by yourself or with a loved one. A “staycation” is always a great source for regrouping, resting and regaining peace.

Keep it simple. It does not have to be anything extreme, extravagant or expensive. Be sure to water the garden of your heart so that love can radiate from your very soul, to yourself and others.

So what’s love got to do with it? EVERYTHING! Love God, love yourself, and love others!

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She’s Still My Mom Joy Moore My mom and I celebrated her 69th birthday on February 27th, but on February 28th, she probably didn’t remember. Dementia has been slowly stealing my mother. Just four days before her birthday, my dad moved her to a full-time nursing facility in a town near his Pennsylvania home. I had already planned to make the five-hour trip from Virginia to celebrate Mom’s birthday, and her change of residence didn’t alter my plans.

On Saturday night, I got my first glimpse of Mom since Christmas. Her eyes were still vacant, her mobility nearly gone, yet she still wore a smile.

Dad, one of my brothers, both of my sisters and I sat around the table exchanging conversation and trying to piece together a conversation from her short, sometimes nonsense responses. She stayed awake the entire time and enjoyed the cake we brought. It was an unusual but sweet birthday celebration.

On Sunday, I returned to have some alone time with Mom and “to have church.” She never missed a Sunday and most were spent serving the body of Christ with her exceptional musical gifts. Her face showed surprise and a big smile when I found her sitting in the dining area with the other residents. I greeted her with a hug and a kiss and then pulled up a chair to sit beside her.

Words cannot adequately communicate the reality of our time together. On paper, her words are neatly strung together, one after the other. In reality, there were many stops and starts and pauses. Though the paragraphs here flow together swiftly, there was actually much

silence and hand-holding during the course of my 45-minute visit, with little more conversation than what I recorded. This woman was surely not the intelligent, vivacious, creative mother who raised me, but I saw glimpses of her.

I made some small talk with Mom about her birthday, how old she was, and what she had for breakfast. (She couldn’t answer, but the nurse told me.) We sat quietly together observing the surroundings—a TV blared in the corner, a nurse was taking a resident’s blood pressure, and several residents walked aimlessly through the room. It was hardly a setting for church, but I opened the service with some hymns. I started with, “Heavenly Sunlight,” her favorite hymn, one that she and her sisters had recorded on a CD about a decade earlier. I repeated the chorus very slowly.

She knew many of the words, but she watched my mouth intently to help her keep up.

She still loves to praise her Lord.

Next, I read from Psalm 34: ”I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.” Then I read the first few verses from Isaiah 61, her life chapter. All the while I read, she nodded her head and said “uh-huh” at appropriate intervals.

She still loves the Word of the Lord.

Next, I gave her the updates of my girls. When I told her that Victoria’s graphic design work had won a contest and that she was excited, Mom replied, “That makes me happy, too.”

She still rejoices with those who rejoice.

When I told her that Elisabeth had her own piano studio and was giving lessons to young children, she remarked, “I know she’s good at that.”

She’s still an encourager.

I mentioned that Anna still wants to be a nurse and go to Africa. Africa holds a special place in Mom’s heart since her sister had been a missionary there for 15 years. Mom had traveled there on a mission trip in 2000. She responded, “Oh, I hope she can make that happen.”

She still has a heart for the Nations.

Lastly, I told Mom that my musically-gifted Abigail was still playing violin and that her talent must’ve come from her (Mom). Mom played piano by ear with only three months of lessons and had a beautiful singing voice. Mom’s response was that she got it from me. (I have a degree in Music Education.) When I disagreed, she said, “She got it from both of us.”

She’s still humble.

There was a lot of activity in the community

Flourish Cutie Pie Donavon James Grayer 2 years old 10

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room where we were sitting. When someone walked close to the stool where her swollen feet were propped, she moved her feet. “Every time they walk this way I have to move my feet,” and she flexed her foot slightly to demonstrate.

She still thinks of others.

Later, one of the patients knocked over a chair and she remarked, “Some of them don’t know how to act.” When I mentioned that the staff thought she was pleasant, she said, “I’m glad you told me that.”

She still brings peace in chaos.

Before I left, I asked her if she wanted me to pray for anything. She said, “No, I try not to hold onto anything,” and proceeded to hand me the wet washcloth she had been holding in her hands.

Maybe she was talking about the washcloth, but it really is how she has lived her life.

She’s still teaching me how to grow in Christ.

I prayed with her and she agreed throughout the prayer at appropriate moments. She was clearly in her element with her Savior. For years her days began around 4 a.m. as she spent time with her Savior in my old bedroom turned prayer room.

Top Left: Joy Moore as a baby with her mother, Ava Lois Ebersole.

Above: Mother and daughter in more recent times.

She’s still in love with her Jesus.

After the prayer, I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Through tears I told her how special she is, how I glad I am to be her daughter, and how much I love her. She responded, “I love you, too—well, you oughtta know that.” As I stood to go, she kept repeating, “I love you. I love you so much.”

She’s still my Mom. Joy has been married for twenty years to her beloved husband, and they have four beautiful, talented daughters whom Joy homeschools through to graduation. Joy has a website with resources for Christian girls and their parents at www.Daughters4God.com.

Do you have a Cutie Pie? Send us an adorable picture of the child in your life. A “Cutie Pie” winner will be highlighted in each issue.

Send your submission to iflourish@ cox.net by April 1st. Limit one photo submission per family, per issue.

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11

Mintle

Health

I Love My Mother but…

Linda Mintle, PhD It’s the same pattern every home visit. We spend time with our mothers and revert to childlike states. You know the feeling, “I love my mother but . . . she drives me crazy!” By the time most of us reach the driveways of our family homes, we are already feeling those old insecurities. Years of unresolved interpersonal baggage begins to swirl in our heads.

Is it because we sleep in our old bedrooms?

Or because nothing seems to have changed in the past 15 years?

Whatever the reason, we return from our mother-daughter visits stressed, fatigued and way too selfreflective about past failures. Guilt seems to be the prevailing emotion. We are guilty for behaving badly, for not being more tolerant, and definitely need to work on staying calmer. Why did we get so upset when mom repeated the same story for the fifth time? It was only a story!

We love to fantasize a more “Brady family” reunion in which we sit around with a cup of coffee sharing stories.

There will be great talks, intimate times and fabulous memories. The acceptance and approval for which we long will be given. Then this momentary dreamlike trance is broken by her familiar voice, “Are you ever going to settle down with a real job and be like your sister?”

Unless your family has been in intensive therapy all year, probably not much has changed. And unless they begin that needed therapy now, not much will be different next year. But you can change. It begins with this. “I can’t change my mother. But I can change my reaction to her.”

If you want to be a grown up, you have to let go of idealistic pictures of family life. Mothers aren’t all-knowing, all-powerful and all-accepting. They don’t anticipate your every need and make every effort to meet it. This doesn’t make them bad, evil or even dysfunctional. It makes them human.

I know this because I am a mother and I have a mother! And I’ve learned, after 20-plus years of conducting therapy with mother-daughter pairs, that “change” has more to do with me than her.

It’s too easy to blame our mothers for all our problems, but it’s even harder to change our own behavior. And just because intellectually we know that Mom can’t be the perfect nurturer, this rarely stops us from trying to make it true.

Maybe we daughters should try a little more patience, forgiveness and self-control when it comes to our moms. Perhaps we should consider the concept of honor. Even in the worst situations, we can honor our mother for giving us a chance to walk the planet.

Here is my advice: next visit, don’t wait for mom to change. She is who she is. You take the first step by changing your reaction to her. Make it Godly and loving. Remember, only children fight about who goes first. Personally, I’d like to stay a grown-up. So work on you and see what happens.

Resource: I Love My Mother But... by Dr. Linda Mintle (Harvest House, 2011) Dr. Linda Mintle is a licensed therapist and bestselling author with 16 book titles to her name. Her newest book, I Love My Mother But…is now in bookstores and available online (Harvest House 2011). For more information, www. drlindamintle.com.

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What’s really hindering our fitness goals?

Lisa Marshall Spring is a season that inspires people to clean house and start fresh in various areas of their lives. It’s a time to open wide the windows and let the spring air in! It’s also the season our thoughts usually turn to our health. Fitness is one area that commonly receives more than its share of scrutiny, motivated by the upcoming summer season of bathing suits and outdoor activities.

The focus of fitness is usually physical and revolves around weight. We ask ourselves questions like, “How did I gain all this weight?

I’m sure my pants fit last week,” or “Why can’t I lose this weight?” Our answers are often, “I just need to be more disciplined, exercise more, and only eat lettuce. Monday I’ll start running six miles a day. I’ll beat this weight off of me if it’s the last thing I do!” This line of thinking usually ends in defeat, desperation and despair.

But aren’t we more than bodies? Scripture says, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:23). When it comes to fitness, we must consider that our whole being includes a spirit, soul and body. As such, each component affects the other. The very definition of “fit” is a “relationship for the best function; a relationship between corresponding parts or related things that enables proper functioning” (Encarta Dictionary: English [North America]).

We must cultivate fitness in the spirit, soul and body in order to experience the victorious life God has designed for us. Losing weight can undoubtedly be a struggle, but the solution may be more than physical. Assuming you have already taken the physical approach by altering your diet and exercising regularly without breakthrough, maybe there is something else blocking your progress. Could there be a hindrance in your soul or spirit?

Our spoken words, beliefs and attitudes can have the power of life or death. So, what is your soul telling you about your body? Are you holding onto shame and disappointment that keep you in a cycle of defeat?

How fit are you? Ask yourself and the Lord.

If you need help, reach out for it. As a fitness professional, I’ve seen the change that can happen when you are willing to address true fitness. We must minister to the spirit, soul and body so that His Body may experience optimum life. Aren’t you ready for His breath of fresh air to flow through you?

Lisa is a certified personal trainer who approaches fitness from the fact that we are spirit, soul, and body.

Her passion is to cultivate fitness inside and out so that her clients reach their fitness goals and live their best lives. Find her at: www.optimumlifefitness.com.

Smart Cents Jennifer Miller

My husband wants to give money to our church, but we can’t even afford to pay for a night out. Any insight?

Everybody struggles with the question of giving.

Single, married, young, old . . . when it barely feels like you’re making ends meet, how can you also be expected to give to your church?

Where is that money supposed to come from?

As Christians we spend a lot of time disagreeing about giving; should we tithe, how much should we tithe, is tithing only an Old Testament teaching? I’ve learned there are two main truths involved in giving: obedience and trust. Are we willing to be obedient when God tells us to give, and do we trust Him to take care of us when we give away what we think we need?

I shared a couple of months ago about how, through our greatest financial struggles, my husband and I learned the valuable truth that God is our source of financial provision. What I didn’t share was that, at the same time, God challenged us more than He ever had in our giving. We had a mortgage, a new baby, significant student loan debt, I had left my job (which cut our income by 50%), and we knew God was asking us to increase the amount we were giving.

On top of all that, we were committed to not incurring any additional debt! So, we made a decision . . . a decision to trust God. We believed that if we were obedient to God and gave as He directed us, then He would take what was left and take care of us. It wasn’t easy and some months were scary when we saw how much we were giving alongside the bills that needed to be paid.

The Bible clearly teaches about giving, generosity and helping those around

you. I encourage you to study God’s Word in this area; 2 Corinthians 9:6-15 is a great place to start. Often once people have decided to give, the next question is, How much should I give? In the Old Testament, a tithe represented ten percent.

The New Testament does not mention a specific amount. Giving should not be legalistic and burdensome. If you don’t know where to start, ten percent is a good place. I would encourage you though to seek the Lord, and see what He would tell you to give; it may be more or less.

However, rather than a specific amount, I think the key is to be obedient and consistent.

Through our financial struggles I remember clinging to Psalm 37:25: “I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.” As difficult as those times were, I wouldn’t change them because we learned that God is faithful. I know He will be faithful in your life too, realizing that the timing and substance of God’s blessings is different in each person’s life. While we didn’t give to get, as we walked in obedience and trust, God blessed us and gave back to us more than we had ever given to Him. Jennifer is a gifted encourager with a passion for seeing people set free in their personal finances. She desires to use her personal life lessons and experiences to help others on the journey to financial freedom. Jennifer currently resides in Italy with her husband Tyson and their young sons, Christian and Ian. If you have a finance question, send it to iflourish@cox.net.

What is the sign of a good decision? sM

It’s realizing life is a balancing act and knowing you have a financial professional to help you prepare for what’s most important.

As a professional woman, there are many responsibilities that rest on your shoulders. Family. Career. Community. Self.

Deep down inside, you know that physical and emotional health should be high on your priority list, but what about your financial well-being? Preparing for the expected like retirement, or the unexpected like an illness or accident, may be something that you set aside to look into later or haven’t even thought about yet. Make sure your next decision is a good one.

To find out how we can help you take the next step, contact a MassMutual financial professional today.

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Penny P. Crowell, MBA, CLTC, Financial Services Professional Commonwealth Financial Partners, LC 222 Central Park Avenue, Suite 1100, Virginia Beach, VA 23462 Phone: 757-490-9041, ext. 319; Fax: 757-490-3542 ppcrowell@finsvcs.com

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Love running your business,

Whoa! Spring is here and that means my big “project” list gets underway. Yep, every spring I make a list of the projects that I want to accomplish in my home before summer hits and the kids are out of school. Problem is, the list is always longer than my time and resources. So, this year I am swearing to myself that I will make it realistic and actually finish the list. Since I professionally help people get their homes and offices organized, I feel inclined to have my “game-on” in my own home and ruthlessly attack clutter.

While my own list has a lot of remodeling projects on it, for most of us, spring cleaning means just that . . . cleaning. Cleaning and de-cluttering go hand-in-hand, and that can be a little daunting.

Spring is about pushing through the layers of stuff we accumulated all winter and getting ready to be outside again! Get started now so that you can enjoy the season with people, not managing your things. Below is my spring cleaning checklist to get you started.

but dread the

financial baggage?

Enjoy peace of mind and time to focus on the parts you do love: Contact Cherie today!

• Budgeting • Operating efficiency evaluation • Policies & procedures documentation • Monthly financial reports analysis • Internal controls evaluation • Lease vs. buy decisions • Evaluation of financing options

G et AC and furnace serviced. G et the well system serviced and primed for lawn irrigation. C lean out gutters. H ave chimney sweep done if you have a wood-burning fireplace.

 Purge files—Get rid of anything older than six months old .  Purge magazines—Donate to library or schools.  Taxes—File tax return into a tax file or banker’s box for long term storage.  Get all important and irreplaceable documents into a fire safe box.

 Pull out summer clothes and store winter clothing if storage space is limited in the closets.  Get coats dry-cleaned, and be sure to launder any winter clothing before storing. DON’T STORE IN PLASTIC BAGS!

www.cjamescpa.com (757) 363.5887

cherie@cjamescpa.com

[Life [ Optimum

fitness

Be strong. Be well. Be free.

 Bag up hats, gloves and scarves. A suitcase is a great place to store these.  Evaluate shoes for old and worn, too small, or outdated style.

 Clean out pantry. Throw away expired food or things you haven’t eaten in more than a year.  Buy turntables to organize canned goods and a shoe pocket organizer if you have a pantry door.  Clean refrigerator.  Evaluate drawers for unused utensils or obsolete tools.  Purge medicine box, cabinet or shelf for expired medications.

Simplified Living LLC founder Amy Volk has a passion for creating beautiful, clutter-free homes and corporate environments. She helps people learn to live more simply. Visit her at www.simplifiedliving.org.

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Lisa Marshall Certified Personal Trainer 757 559-1FIT Lisa@optimumlifefitness.com

www.optimumlifefitness.com

“Suburban Homesteader” Amy shows us how to find our Green Thumb.” Here pictured with one of her “girls.”

T Slow release organic fertilizer I’ve always considered myself a healthy (You may be able to purchase soil eater as a whole . . . allowing room for that has this in it already. If that’s moderation! I am from the South, you the case, no need to buy extra.) know! I love my ham, deviled eggs and corn bread! But early in 2010, I began T Small shovel or old plastic cup educating myself more on organic/ T Small piece of screen, coffee filter or natural food and then, in turn, our nation’s paper towel (or something you can use food industry. While not claiming to be as a barrier at the bottom of your bag) an aficionado on either topic, I did feel T Herbs! Pick the herbs that you and your pressed upon to make some changes Finished product. You can grow plants, vegitables or herbs! family like (basil, tarragon, rosemary, dill) in the way my family and I eat, buy and watering! They have been slightly Now that you have all of your goodies, obtain our food. Since anyone who knows traumatized and need a good drink of find a place to work where you can me knows that I do things BIG, my ideas water. Water them until you see water make a wee bit of a mess.

Outside is included chickens for eggs and even bees coming out of the bottom of your bag. great, but you can always cover your for honey! (The beekeeping idea had my kitchen table with newspaper, husband thinking T Find a sunny place for your too. So here we go!

I fell over and herbs (about 6 hours a day). hit my head!)

T Cut a few small holes in T Herbs don’t need to be watered too Then, of course, the bottom of your bag, often. Just check the soil and make there is the not too big, perhaps the sure it feels moist, but not soaked. healthy aspect size of a dime. These are I mean how easy-breezy is that? And of growing your going to be for drainage. you don’t even have to limit your mind with own food in a fruit just using a reusable bag! You can really T Next, fit your barrier to and vegetable use a lot of different things—an old bucket, the bottom of your bag garden, which basket, colander—anything that you might so it covers it completely may seem just as Here is all you need to grow your own plants or herbs consider throwing away, think about in a reusable plastc bag. Fresh food, here we come!

T Using your hands (my daunting to many how else you might be able to use it! preference) or garden spade, of us busy women.

My husband and I have a plan and add your soil and fertilizer to the bag, However, I have learned one thing by vision of how we want our garden to making sure both are well incorporated. watching gardening shows and talking be. It may not be an easy task, lots of Fill the bag three-fourths of the way full. to gardeners over the years: you can diggin’ in the dirt, sore muscles and an If you are adding slow release fertilizer grow just about anything no matter occasional grumble with my husband on to the soil, consult the directions on where you live—house or apartment. what veggie goes where. But I have faith your bag as to how much to use.

A great place to start is planting (like a mustard seed) that this will come something (herb, tomato, even a flower) T Next, decide on to fruition, and our garden using a container that you are bound how you want will yield some fantabulous, to already have. (If you’re like me, you to arrange your healthy fruits and veggies! have a lot of these!) I’m going to show herbs in the bag.

So, let me encourage you you how you can grow a plant in a Carefully remove . . . if you have ever had the plastic reusable grocery bag! You know, them from their smallest inkling of having a the ones that you keep in your car so container, trying garden or even having a you remember to use them when you to avoid tearing single tomato plant, you can grocery shop and then inadvertently the plant or its do it! Luke 17:6 tells us, “Truly forget them when you go into the store. roots if it is rootI tell you that if you have As I walk you through planting an herb bound (meaning faith as small as a mustard After you have put your filter and dirt in the bottom, garden in a reusable bag, know you can the roots have seed, you can say to this simply arrange your plants in the bag, before filling in use these same steps for lettuce, tomatoes the spacing with potting soil. grown outside of mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted or most any vegetable/plant. So here is the container). and planted in the sea’, and what you will need. I always recommend it will obey you.” Happy gardening!

T Once you have arranged using organic soil/plants/fertilizer. your herbs, fill in the rest of the Amy is a modern-day homesteader with a passion for eating, growing T A small/medium size plastic reusable bag spacing with your potting soil. and preparing natural foods. She is married to a fabulous fella and mom to three active boys who enjoy corralling their chickens. You can T Good quality organic soil T Give your herb garden a good follow her newly launching blog at www.naturaledibles.com.

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15

In Love With Me Felicia Murrell When I was young, I dreamed of in twenty to thirty years. 2) On a commuter plane ride in route to Redding, CA, to visit Bethel becoming a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

Church, I struggled to make enough length in my belt to fit comfortably. I looked around the Only, my weight was the one thing plane and saw people much larger than I and thought, “If I’m having trouble, wow!” While stood between me and the realization of in Redding, Kris Vallotton preached a message entitled, Living from Eternity. In this message, my dream. My family said I couldn’t help Kris said, “People who say they hate being fat rarely become thin. “ It was like an arrow in my the way I was shaped, all the women on heart. He went on to say, “Vision gives pain a purpose. We become what we behold. If we both sides were “big boned” and “hippy.” always see ourselves as fat, we’ll be fat forever.”

Over the years, my love for cheerleading I decided that day in May 2010 that I would hasn’t waned and, if I am truthful, neither be thin. I would be healthy. I would be fit. I would has my love for food. In middle school, I tried do it for me. I would do it the right way. I Felicia today: “In love with Me.” out for the cheering squad. The coach thought would reward myself with a trip to Ann Taylor I was good but too “thick” for a uniform. So, when I reached my goal. On June 1, 2010, in an attempt to shed my “thickness,” I began to skip breakfast and lunch at school. with more than just a dissatisfaction with Later, I tried out for the high school cheerleading team. I didn’t make it. I assumed where I was, but a vision of a thinner me, I I didn’t make the squad for the same reason I didn’t make it that first year of middle began the process of losing ninety pounds. school… my weight. So now I was determined to lose my thickness. The only way I Again, I armed myself with nutritional knew to do this was to simply stop eating. I didn’t realize my decision had a name or information and began to exercise at home. was classified as a disorder (anorexia). I was already not eating at breakfast or lunch Along the way, I’ve had to break agreement on a regular basis, so I simply made the choice to quit eating dinner as well. with the lie that I didn’t have any control This decision would soon alarm my mother who began to comment on my dry skin and over my size because of family genetics, Felicia on her weight-loss journey. dull hair. Every day I was greeted with, “Did you eat lunch today?” To avoid lying, I started that it was too late for me, that I’d always eating a cookie and a cup of fruit punch for lunch. I was losing weight, but the mirror I looked be this way, that I’d never lose the weight, that my metabolism was dead. I have in constantly shouted back me at, “You’re too thick!” My mom began forcing me to eat dinner. chosen to agree with the Holy Spirit and His truth about my body, diet, and exercise. Food I knew enough not to fight with my mother, so I ate what she placed in front of me. Then is no longer my comforter. And yes, there are days when I have to choose – “will I reach bulimia became my friend. It would remain with me throughout high school and part of college. for food to comfort me or will I allow the Holy Spirit to fulfill His role and comfort me?”

During my first pregnancy, since I was “no longer eating for one”, I gave myself I’m excited about the transformation in my body. I’ve went from a size 18 to a size permission to eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted. I soon found myself fifty pounds 10/12. I’m learning to love whole foods, organic foods and to make dietary choices overweight. I went to the gym. I did everything I could to lose those fifty pounds. Instead that are best for me. People often say, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” I’m not of losing them, I added ten more! At this point, I admitted to my husband that I couldn’t quite sure that I can totally parrot that, but I’ve learned to ask myself why are you do it alone and went to Jenny Craig. I was hopeful, but we were young and making this food choice? Is this worth an extra 30 minutes of Jillian Michael’s penniless so there was no money for me to participate in the program. kicking your butt? Is it worth the extra pound or two it might add to your After baby number three and another additional thirty pounds, I made hips? Most often the answer is no, but sometimes, I answer yes. a decision that something must change. I gave up my Sugar Crisps, People often ask, “what did you do to lose all that weight?” casseroles and trans fatty foods. I began to read everything I could And I can easily give them a technical answer: I have drastically about nutrition. Coming from a line of great Southern cooks, how food reduced my simple carbohydrate and refined sugar intake. I have taste is very important to me. But I knew that if I wanted a different almost completely eliminated white flour, white sugar, white result, I had to do things differently. I began exercising with Denise potatoes and corn (corn based products) from my diet. I focus on Austin on Fit TV and TaeBo tapes twice a day. Within four months eating grass fed meats, fish, greens, berries, nuts, eggs, living from the birth of baby number three, I had lost sixty pounds! I looked foods. I walk three miles a day, four to five times a week and I great. I felt great. Then, with twenty pounds to lose, I hit a plateau. exercise and strength train for half an hour 5 days a week.”

My plateau turned out to be baby number four! After settling into The real answer, however, is not in the program. The real answer the routine of life with four, I got into strength training and kickboxing. is that I fell in love with me. Because I love myself, I want to honor I loved it so much, I became a kickboxing instructor at a local YMCA in my body and the Lord by making the right choices for myself.

Hampton Roads. This helped me maintain my weight. Later I became Felicia praying with a woman last year.

I’m happy with who I am. And because of it, I can fulfill the two involved in direct sales, so as my business grew, I stopped teaching greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all of your kickboxing and working out altogether. Before I knew it, ten years heart, soul, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.” had passed and all of the weight I’d lost had return, plus some.

I’ve found a Love that’s greater than life itself. When I look into His eyes, I see Last year, in 2010, I weighed in at the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life. But two significant acceptance. I see passion. I see love. I see me, the way He sees me. I am becoming what things caused me to say, “no more.” 1) My parents are both overweight and using the stairs I am beholding. And that’s the most amazing discovery in my weight loss journey. has become a challenge for them. To the point that we had to move them from their home into a flat so they would no longer have to worry about climbing stairs. I didn’t want that to be me

Felicia is co-founder of Wise Counsel Ministries. You can find her at feliciamurrell.blogspot.com.

Decision Making • Organization • Time Management • Self-Control

montessori labschool.com

www.

Christian Oriented • Bilingual (Spanish) Performing Arts • Co-Ed Ages 2-10 Offering children a learning environment that is nurturing, consistent, safe and peaceful. We serve the total developmental needs of children, building academic, emotional, moral and social skills.

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Soul

Things You Can Say “No” To Now

Nurture Your Melissa McDermott, PhD.

Psalm 1:3 says that the one who meditates on the Word of the Lord will be blessed and “shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.” The word rivers in this passage can also be translated as “channels.” A channel is defined as the “deeper part of a waterway, a navigable route between two bodies of water, or a route through which anything passes or progresses.” This seems to imply that as we meditate on the Word of God and wash our minds in His truth, we can move from one stream of water to the next. The truth that is found in the Scriptures can keep the rivers of our souls running smoothly and remove the toxins, thus leading us into our full purpose and destiny.

There are times in our lives when the waters of our souls can become polluted with the cares of life, toxic relationships, unhealthy habits or wrong thinking. This can cause us to forget what is important and what our goals and purpose are in this life.

My husband and I felt that last year would be a year of transition and change. After spending several years focused on doctoral studies, running a law practice and having our first child, we began to reevaluate our priorities and refocus the direction of our lives. We needed to nurture our souls and remove the pollutants that had come into our lives and pushed out the most important things. During this season, I woke up one night and felt impressed on my heart that God cares most about the condition of our souls—not our careers, degrees, house, nor what we do for Him. After much prayer, we decided to take a sabbatical and spend some time nurturing our souls as we seek Him for further direction and realign our priorities.

During this time, He is restoring our souls.

Isaiah 58:11 says, “The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” The preceding verses are a commission to help the poor, feed the hungry, and to release the burdens of the oppressed. It is a call to give out of oneself on behalf of others. This passage is filled with “if . . . then” statements with a great promise of being a “watered garden.” A watered garden is a place of beauty, fruitfulness, abundance, and vivid color! As we give out to others, we are then filled with many good things. Giving helps keep the streams of our souls flowing with clean water; our souls are cisterns that pour life into other people. What can you do this month to nurture your soul? Are there pollutants in the river of your soul such as unhealthy relationships, wrong thinking, or simply not walking in the abundant life that Jesus has promised you? Life can be poured into you as you allow Jesus to fill your cup with fresh water that is good for your soul.

This fresh water can give you a new perspective on your life purpose, calling and destiny.

Melissa desires to see women from multiple cultural backgrounds thrive, grow and discover their life purpose in Jesus. She is passionate about the inner development of a leader and building bridges between people. Melissa currently resides in Texas, where she lives with her husband and daughter.

Theresa Ceniccola I’m sure this isn’t news to you, but sometimes we moms have a difficult time saying no. You would think that with all that practice during the Terrible Two’s, we would have that word down pat. “No” is arguably the most powerful word in the dictionary. But we can’t seem to utter it when we need it most.

In my opinion, the biggest reason for this is guilt. We put such high expectations on ourselves to be everything for our families and others; we don’t want to let anyone down. Moms are people-pleasers by nature. So we say “Yes” every time we’re asked to bake cupcakes or go on a field trip or teach Sunday school at the last minute. We also say “Yes” when someone asks us to give away our products and services for free.

You know the routine. You reluctantly agree to coordinate the talent show at the elementary school. Because you’re an amazing woman, you put on the most organized and entertaining show ever. Then what happens? You are nominated to do it again the following year . . . and the year after that . . . and the year after that.

This would not be a problem if you actually enjoyed it. But over time, your enthusiasm for the project diminishes, and you’re left feeling obligated and resentful.

We bring this kind of torture on ourselves, you know. Nobody can force us to say “Yes.” By saying “Yes” and doing a great job, we establish a reputation as dependable and hard-working. And this has the unwelcome side effect of attracting more “opportunities” to shine in the same way.

When we take on too many things, we don’t leave any space for ourselves. We don’t have any time to fulfill our life purpose. We don’t leave room to grow, to breathe and simply . . . to be. Imagine how it would feel to eliminate that one thing that is zapping all your personal energy right now! To freely and completely do what God is calling you to do without getting distracted by everyone else’s requests and expectations.

So in the spirit of creating space in your life for growth and happiness, I hereby give you permission to say “No” to anything that no longer serves you and your family. You can refuse to do anything that is not truly in alignment with your values and goals. And the best part is, you can say “No” without guilt, because your fellow Christian mompreneurs are behind you, sister!

This means you are free to say “No” to:  Volunteer work that doesn’t clearly support your values and goals  Email forwards that annoy you or distract you  Social invitations that are not in alignment with your values — or that distract you from achieving goals that are in alignment with your values  Clients or customers who don’t leave you feeling great about who you are and how you serve the world  Toxic relationships, including friends and family who are negative, emotionally draining or abusive  Conversations that leave you feeling bad about yourself  The idea that someone else is better at what you do  Any community service project that you don’t embrace with a happy heart  Pro-bono work or bartering that does not fill your emotional piggy bank  The attachment to other people’s opinions of your choices  Annoying Facebook posts or games  Answering your cell phone  Returning phone calls and emails immediately  Birthday parties, afterschool activities, sports or events that you deem unnecessary or are simply too much to handle logistically  Sending birthday cards to everyone you’ve ever met  Contributing to every charity that you’ve ever been asked to support  Watching TV  Reading an entire book when you’ve already decided you don’t like it on chapter 3  Anything that makes you roll your eyes or get that anxious pit in your stomach  The misguided belief that you have to say yes to everyone—all the time

So what are you going to say no to this week? Let me know so I can cheer you on!

Theresa Ceniccola is The Christian Mompreneur—a Mentor to Moms Running a Business that Supports Faith and Family. Read her inspiring ezine: www.theresaceniccola.com.

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Divine Impressions Phyllis Johnson

Grace. Beauty. Vibrant color.

armoires. She likes the idea of vintage furniture that might otherwise be cast aside. Painting For Smithfield’s impressionistic artist Robbie transforms the ordinary into extraordinary. “It’s Perrotti Younger, capturing these concepts like being born again,” she adds with a smile. on canvas is a way of life. The native of Her creations also include a designer line of Pittsburgh always dreamed of the day she’d purses, both on wood and canvas bags. The piece have her own gallery and shop, though her de resistance is an armoire with an image of three dream wasn’t to come true for many years.

Grecian women in brightly colored tunics. Next to Younger’s passion for art began at an this is a chest adorned with angels, adding to the early age when her father took her to the ethereal feel of the shop. You can almost hear a Carnegie Art Museum in Pittsburgh, but life rustle of angel wings while admiring the artwork. eventually took her in a different direction Surveying the shop is a delight to the senses. with a great career, first in the Navy and Nature is heralded whether it’s floral or feline. then the US Postal Service. Along her Robbie loves painting flowers because each journey though, art kept tugging at her. one is different. “Since Ross [her husband] owns At age 25, she was inspired by a friend’s a nursery, he’s always bringing home flowers,” great aunt, an artist in New Orleans, who told she said. “They’re strikingly beautiful.” her, “If you like art [as much as you do], that Being an avid cat lover, Robbie means you can do it.” paints many items with cats Still years later, she in the design.

Her style speaks read an article by Claire volumes about the generous, Whitcomb in Victoria giving person inside the artist. magazine about finding Openly spiritual, she feels a one’s true calling. By big connection between giving that time, Younger had of oneself and the receiving lost three siblings (due to of blessings. Robbie has felt an accident, suicide and blessed by the kindness of friends cancer) and realized that and family, particularly while life was short. So, Younger undergoing her battle with began to pursue art. Finally, breast cancer. “The diagnosis when she turned 40, she was a big surprise to me. When made the determined decision it happened, I thought about to leave the Postal Service to closing the gallery completely; pursue her true passion full-time. but someone commissioned a Robbie, who signs her paintings painting, and it encouraged me as Robbie Perrotti, saw her dream to not give up,” she reminisces. come true in 2000 when she opened “During the treatment and The Painted Garden on Main Street healing process, I painted to in historic Smithfield. Her artistic Above: Robbie Perrotti Younger and pieces of her work. reflect my feelings.” Those talent has gained attention locally Robbie captures the beauty of creation in her divinely paintings are symbolic of her inspired impressionistic art. Her shop, The Painted in Hampton Roads Magazine and Garden, is located on Main Street in Smithfield and is Christian faith and power in nationally in Victoria magazine. open Wed-Sat. from Noon-5.

God’s healing. Since then, she Her first experience selling has recovered and is doing fine. her art was selling her She has a message to beautifully painted furniture give to others considering to live out their passion later in life. at her husband Ross’s business, Bloxom’s Nursery in Hampton.

“You have to be persistent, confident and trust in God's word “I also took art classes at the Smithfield Cultural Arts Center, first and foremost. You have to believe in yourself, even when which later led to opening my own shop there,” she said. no one else believes in you. You push forward with it."

Robbie’s Victorian-themed gallery beckons folks to come As she fondly speaks of friends who visit the shop, she in, slow down and reflect on the beauty life has to offer. On touches a drop-front green desk upon which dancing entering, your eyes are drawn upward toward ceiling borders ladies twirl in red and white flowing dresses. covered in encouraging quotes such as her favorite by George As you take it all in, different pieces of artwork stir memories Eliot: “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” and emotion. One painting depicts two young women in floppy hats A devout Christian, she feels that her art glorifies God. Although she and sundresses showing a starfish to a baby. Many of the women didn’t have formal training, because art institute tuition was beyond in the paintings are either viewed from the back or the side of the her reach, she feels that God adds His supernatural to our natural face, leaving a hint of mystery. The beauty of Robbie’s art comes abilities. She encourages visitors by telling them how God blessed in part by the questions it raises. In one painting, there’s a woman her with her artistic gift. “You have to take steps of faith and believe in turquoise leaning to one side, looking away. In her hand is a in yourself,” she tells them. The former Navy dental tech and postal letter. What could she have just read? Maybe it’s an invitation to worker is happy to spend her days doing something she loves. visit a delightful shop in Smithfield named The Painted Garden.

Inspired by God and the works of the masters, her paintings have a soft, dreamy quality. When she’s painting furniture, the Phyllis Johnson is a local writer with both a gift for wit and the inspirational.

The author of Hot and Bothered By It, Being Frank with Anne, and Twelve size and shape of an item determines the suitability of a design. is for More than Doughnuts can be found at www.phyllisjohnson.net.

Artistic pieces range from doors and mirror frames, to chests and

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Life Lessons from the Garden Pam Johnson Several years ago now, my husband Jonny and I decided to redo our flowerbeds and grow a vegetable garden in our backyard. His mom was living with us at the time and was interested in helping us. While she was getting started, she told Jonny that she needed some fertilizer. You know, the “stuff” from cows. Well, Jonny is never one to do anything just a little bit. So, much to the vexation of our (downwind) next-door neighbor (who had liked to lay out and sunbath in her backyard) Jonny came on home with an entire truckload of cow manure. Of course, he plopped it right into a big pile in our backyard!

Well, you can just imagine the smell. But, his mom worked it into the soil, insisting it was the only way to go. While it did take some time for that smell to dissipate, you should have seen our tomatoes that year!

They were the biggest, most succulent tomatoes you could believe!

As I was thinking about it, I felt the Lord use the experience to both encourage me and give me a chuckle too. Jonny and I, like anyone who has lived enough years, had been going through some trying times about then. So I was very heartened at the realization that the bigger the pile of manure, in life as well as gardening, the bigger the fruit. I now encourage my friends with that story when life has brought them some “poop.”

“Remember,” I tell them, “it’s all how you look at it. Things might smell now, but don’t you worry—you obviously have some big “fruit” on the way!

Pam is a highly skilled and caring realtor who helps people make their housing dreams reality. Email pamjohnson@cox.net.

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Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater Kelly Head & Dana Williams

S

he doesn’t come from any particular age group, social status or cultural background.

She is your neighbor, friend or daughter.

She may even be you. In fact, the only common denominator is that she is scared, confused, and desperately trying to find information to make the best decision.

Who is she? She is part of the one out of every two pregnant woman who has just realized that she has an unplanned pregnancy. Often pressured even by well-intentioned family or friends – on top of what is often an overwhelming, deep sense of emotional turmoil – she just needs somewhere to turn for real information from a true advocate.

That is where Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater comes in. CPC, under the direction of Toby DeBause, president, is a Christ-centered organization serving mothers and their babies.

With the needed support of the community, their mission is clear: to offer life-affirming choices to women throughout Hampton Roads. “The centers provide confidential services at no cost to their clients, including: ultrasounds, medical consultations, pregnancy tests, crisis counseling, parenting education, baby items, and much more,” said Desiree Gaul, CPC Communications Manager.

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Each year, CPC ministers to approximately 1,600 women through The Keim Centers, its pregnancy resource division, with four locations in Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Portsmouth and Suffolk.

“Our goal at The Keim Centers

is to help women understand the deep devastation it may bring beforehand.

We see the pain, trauma and anger that often surfaces from women years later, many who feel they weren’t told the truth about the effects the decision could bring. We of course care about the unborn, but just as much we want to be there for these pregnant women and be sure they have all the answers before they make a decision that could wound them for the rest of their lives,” he said.

“It is actually out of addressing that that pain that we have our abortion recovery ministry.”

Women who find themselves in need of the ministry of is to glorify God by helping women CPC are able to call the Helpline and families who are unprepared (499.4444) as well as meet for pregnancy. We want them confidentially with “client advocates.” to know that abortion isn’t their “Even the title “advocate” really only choice,” said DeBause. tells you that they are here to assist “Our clients are grappling with and help these women along the what is going to be a life-changing way,” said Gaul. “We are on their decision either way,” said Gaul. “If it side and we aren’t here to judge wasn’t part of their plan, no matter or condemn them. We want to what they decide to do – aborting, making an adoption plan or raising their provide compassionate care.”

So, what would CPC say to someone child – it is going to change their life.” facing an unplanned pregnancy?

“The fact is that women do not “Just call,” says Gaul. “Many women want to get an abortion, but once really aren’t aware of what resources they do they often struggle with that are available to them until they do.” decision for the rest of their lives,” said When asked, “What would make DeBause. We are there to minister to a woman facing an unplanned that woman too. Of course, our desire

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pregnancy choose to go to The Keim Centers?” DeBause said, “The Keim Centers has no financial gain towards her.

We are there because we love her, not because we want to profit off of her,” he explains. “We answer all her questions. These women are more than just a number to us.”

With a large abortion clinic that recently went up in Virginia Beach, what had been a yearly increase in CPC clients has stagnated. CPC has plans to reach more women and open another medical clinic in Virginia Beach, but certainly needs the support of the body of Christ, he said. While the numbers can seem staggering, each

life they can touch makes a difference.

DeBause’s plea to supporters and would-be supporters of the ministry: “Get involved! Give financially what you can. If the body of Christ won’t support this, who will? Become more educated about the issues. Join in on God’s redemptive plan in our community. The gospel is most relevant to the women

we serve at this critical time in their lives.

We want these women to choose life not only for their babies, but themselves also. We want them to experience the wholeness the gospel brings.”

For more information on CPC or The Keim Centers, or to find out how you can get involved, visit www.cpcfriends.org or www.keimcenters.com.

THE KEIM CENTERS

NTER C R I S I S P R E G N A N C YO FCT IDEEWAT ER

Testimony from a CPC Volunteer Dana Williams

Dana Williams and her family.

Over 12 years ago, I took a pregnancy test on a dare from two of my best friends.

“Knowing” the test would be negative; I nearly fainted when I saw the pink positive sign on the urine stick. I was only seventeen and in the first semester of my college education. I was in utter shock. How could I be pregnant? Of course, I knew the physical explanation to my question. But really, how could I, the “good” girl, be facing an unplanned pregnancy? “It’s not fair!” I said over and over for the next nine months. I wasn’t promiscuous like many girls on campus. I had been “careful.” Or so I thought.

Women find themselves facing unexpected pregnancies every day; they are immediately faced with tough questions and decisions. The values I had held so dear concerning life were challenged to their core. I am blessed to say that after struggling with my decision for several

months, yet covered in God’s grace, I eventually chose life for my unborn son.

My boyfriend and I discussed the various options, but none of them felt right for us. Adoption was out; in my naivety, I thought, Why would I go through nine months of pregnancy just to “give my baby away to someone?”

So that left the other two choices: keep the baby or have an abortion.

My conscious tugged at me night and day. Raised in a Bible-believing home and church, I didn’t feel that abortion was my right. I believed that all life came from God and to take that life would be equal to murder. So imagine my own surprise when I found myself dialing the numbers to a local abortion clinic asking for prices and “more information.”

Then, one afternoon, driving mindlessly around campus and crying my eyes out, I heard the voice of the Lord. Now, those who know me personally know that I don’t go around proclaiming to hear God’s voice often. As a matter of fact, this is one of the very few times I know God spoke directly to me. He said, “Dana, what’s a tragedy today won’t be a tragedy tomorrow. Trust me. I am here.” And that was it; I knew there was no way I could abort this baby. God Almighty had spoken to my heart and I felt his presence so strongly that my mind was made up. I knew somehow I would find peace at the end of this road. I am blessed to say that after struggling for so long, I was covered in

God’s grace and chose life for my unborn son.

Pro-life, pro-choice, pro-abortion, antiabortion . . . some want to make this debate a political one. For me, it was a spiritual one. If you had asked me twelve years ago if I thought God could forgive me, I’d say “yes.” But I never thought He could restore me and give me a testimony, a purpose, and a speaking and writing ministry. After my unplanned pregnancy, I began “counseling” friends who were facing the same situation. Then, in God’s sovereignty, He led me to The Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater, where I served for several years, both in volunteer and career positions.

If you are reading this and are wondering, What if I already had an abortion? The message is the same: “What’s a tragedy today won’t be one tomorrow. Trust God. He loves you no matter what and He is here.” I know the God of second chances. And my today is brighter than my yesterday. Only a God like ours is able to take the broken and not only repair it, but make it altogether new. “I will bless you with a future filled with hope—a future of success, not of suffering. You will turn back to me and ask for help, and I will answer your prayers” (Jeremiah 29:11-12, CEV).

Dana, her husband and their four children reside in Virginia Beach. Dana’s life’s passion is to see broken people restored. You can find her blog at www.danache.com.

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Grandma Rosina’s Meatless Meatballs Michelle L. Jeter

“Always keep meatballs and an extra pan of lasagna in the freezer.” Grandma Rosina, 100% Italian and proud of it, was never caught empty-handed when unexpected company came to visit her Virginia Beach home. But her meatballs had a special twist. She loved to see the shock on people’s faces when she told them that her big juicy “meatballs” didn’t have any meat in them! Making grandma’s mysterious recipe brings back childhood memories of nibbling on her meatballs with our fingers, while on a picnic at Mt. Trashmore, or during a summer excursion to Chick’s Beach on the Chesapeake Bay. The “secret ingredients” are all things I usually have on hand in the kitchen, and it takes just minutes to whip up a batch. Golden brown and crispy on the outside, warm and with a bit of a crunch on the inside, Grandma’s meatless meatballs taste as good as I remembered. Now it’s my turn to say with a grin, “Guess what’s in the meatballs!”

INGREDIENTS 1 ½ cups whole wheat bread crumbs (about 2 slices of bread) ½ cup grated cheddar cheese ½ cup chopped walnuts 4 eggs, beaten

½ cup minced onion 1 clove garlic, crushed ½ teaspoon salt olive oil for browning

Junior League Recipe Contest Winner

Directions 1. Sauté onions lightly in oil until translucent.

2. Add crushed garlic at the end, for about 30 seconds, turning off heat quickly so it doesn't burn.

3. Grate breadcrumbs. (This is easier to do if bread is frozen).

4. Combine crumbs, cheese, nuts, onion, garlic, salt.

5. Add eggs one at a time, until mixture is moist and sticks together well.

6. Knead lightly in a bowl.

7. Shape into balls with hands, using about 1 Tablespoon for each.

8. Brown in olive oil on medium-low heat, turning slowly so sides cook evenly.

9. Place cooked meatballs on paper towels to drain. Serve immediately with spaghetti sauce or alone.

Makes about 25 meatballs.

Note: These meatballs freeze well and can be re-heated for a variety of meals – try them in a meatball sub sandwich!

When not cooking healthy international dishes, Virginia Beach resident Michelle Jeter can be found teaching English as a Second Language, most recently in China and Germany, or speaking and writing about cross-cultural missions. Michelle also writes about forgiveness and emotional healing for Fresh Start Ministries at freshstartforallnations.wordpress.com.

A Taste of Home.

Master Virginia’s favorite recipes-gathered in Toast to Tidewater!

This award-winning cookbook of the Junior League of Norfolk-Virginia Beach Inc. showcases Virginia’s finest foods and beverages. Toast to Tidewater celebrates the cuisine and history of our region with seasonal, elegant recipes perfect for your next social gathering. Add this local culinary collection to your kitchen or give Toast to Tidewater as an ideal gift for weddings, birthdays or holidays.

Proceeds benefit the very worthy causes of the Junior League.

Order yours at www.jlnvb.org today.

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