March/April 2012
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A Marriage Prayer Lord, be in this marriage In a special way, May we feel Your presence Each and every day. Grant us both good humor To surpass our coming years; May there always be much laughter, May there always be less tears. Give us strength and courage To follow in Your will, To trust You in the valley As we do upon the hill. Give us both the eyes of love So we’ll always see The goodness in each other, Secure us, Lord, in Thee. Give us words of kindness, Lord, Help us both to live So our lips are ever quick In saying, “I forgive.” Give us hearts that beat as one, Bind us ever near; May our love grow deeper, Lord, With each passing year. Lord, be in this marriage, Keep our love brand new; May we love each other, Lord, The same way that You do. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Anonymous ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6b, KJV).
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Editor’s Note Weddings: A Reason to Celebrate I love weddings! There’s the love story, the flair for the dramatic, the exquisiteness, reverence and the outpouring love. Not to mention the nostalgia of leaving one chapter of life, intermingled with the intense joy of starting a new hope-filled page in our story. Weddings, of course, also hold a touch of the divine, reminiscent of the first wedding amid the Garden of Eden (with giraffes and monkeys as guests right along with the heavenly hosts) and a most glorious display of flowers that even, dare I say, Martha Stewart couldn’t recreate.
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). We’ve all heard the story of how God put Adam into a deep sleep and took out Adam’s rib (literally, the same word that denotes one half of two equal “slabs” or pillars, such as those you see holding up ancient buildings) to form Eve. Adam (including the part that was Eve) was designed in God’s image, which included having God’s very own nature. When God removed the half of Adam, in essence, He was saying that He took what are considered the more “feminine” characteristics of God’s nature to craft Eve. One of God’s names, El Shaddai (Genesis 17:1) shows this fullness of nature in our Creator, of which we all possess in measure. El, meaning Strong One or Eternal One, is the basic Hebrew term for God; Shaddai is formed from the Hebrew rootshad, which means a woman’s breast. This is God expressing Himself as our nourisher, strength-giver and satisfier, who pours Himself into our lives—the “feminine” side of God. El Shaddai reveals God’s all-sufficiency. This creation account is foundational because it goes on to say, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This first union gives us such a beautiful picture of God’s design of marriage—to create “one flesh” (Mark 10:8). When the Lord created Eve, He not only met Adam’s need for fellowship, but also enabled the fruitfulness attribute of El Shaddai to be fulfilled as they would come back together as “one flesh” in marriage. Like two pieces of a puzzle coming together to create a new, better functioning unit—the two equally important “pillars”—such is the man and woman who join together in a marriage covenant. Isn’t that exciting! Also, the “mankind” to whom responsibility was given in Genesis—to be fruitful, fill the earth, subdue it and rule over every living thing—included male and female. Therefore, the first aspect of God’s original plan for marriage—actually, His first directive on it—is that the husband and wife function together as co-rulers, co-subduers. Together Adam and Eve’s (and every married couple thereafter) purpose on earth is to have dominion and to be fruitful and multiply. We are to be image-bearers of God, “vice-regents” over the earth (Psalm 8:4-8). It is God’s intention that we fill and rule the earth with His love (I John 4:16). In addition to enacting God’s will on the earth, marriage also is designed to provide intimacy,dcompanionship and fulfillment. Marriage truly is a wonderful thing! Whether you are still waiting for your future mate, engaged, married or working on healing from past hurts—this issue of Flourish is about celebrating the divine act that takes place when one plus one equals three (Ecclesiastes 4:12), and infusing a renewed sense of hope and joy for marriage into our hearts. With so many messages about the rate of divorce today (a study, however, found that those who are actively involved in church have a 35 percent lower incidence of divorce), every marriage deserves a standing ovation from the bleachers of heaven to the pews lined with family and friends. We here also stand to applaud your faith and commitment! We celebrate with you as your new family unit is being “born” the very day you say “I Do.” With those words, you are sayings YES to covenant and partaking of the truth that him, plus her, plus God equals amazing and empowered. We stand in anticipation with you for the wonderful things you will be stronger to accomplish because of this amazing sanctity and strength you are entering into. May your new lives together be full of blessing, hope, life, honor and goodness! May this issue also inspire us all (no matter where we are at in our personal journey) to affirm or reaffirm that commitment to what God designed, stir our hearts to believe in the beauty and strength of marriage again, and inspire us as we commit to purposefully live in a way so as to include all the beauty love offers. Love, Kelly
“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever” (Psalm 52:8). Designed to Flourish Magazine is for Hampton Roads Christian singles, wives, moms, friends, daughters . . . women. It is for those aspiring to be all they were created to be—their most beautiful and fulfilled selves. It is for women who desire to sparkle with the light of Christ in their relationships, roles, finances, life goals and all areas of life. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). This includes being a Proverbs 31 woman! One Columbus Center, Suite 600 Virginia Beach, VA 23462 757-348-5664 iflourishonline.com Publisher/Executive Editor Kelly Head Senior Editor Cresta Shawver Senior Copyeditor Belinda Elliott Editors Nathalie Jeter, Belinda Elliott Design Director Nicole Knight Graphic Design Assistant Chanelle Holloman Flourish Ad Design Francisco Afanador Photography Special Thanks: Christine Kelby Photography & Captured by the Lens Photography Contributing Writers Jennifer Avis, Anna Bowman, Holly Callan, Belinda Elliott, Kelly Head, Michelle Jeter, Nathalie Jeter, Dr. Linda Mintle, Lisa Marshall, Dan Macintosh, Vierna Naomi, Cresta Brooke Shawver, Amy Volk, Dana Williams, Joy Wansley Sales Executive Jenn Wakefield Special Thanks All the wonderful supporters, advertisers and contributors. Thank you!
Designed to Flourish Magazine is published six times a year by Flourishing Media, LLC. No portion may be reproduced without the written consent of the publishers. The opinions of the contributing writers do not necessarily reflect those of the publishers. Flourishing Media LLC, assumes no liability for products, services or statements made by advertisers. The publishers reserve the right to refuse advertisements that do not meet the publication’s standards. Have your Designed to Flourish Magazine delivered for $18 annually to cover the cost of shipping & processing. Visit www.iflourishonline.com. All rights reserved.
In This Issue
3 Editor’s Note: Love and Marriage 5 Christianity in High Heels: Learn the perks of being a “professional” bridesmaid.
14
rom the Aisle to F the Beach: Spring ahead with these weight loss tips!
15 Getting Glitched: Wedding mishaps confessed
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6 Joys of Style: On finding the perfect dress. 8 Weddings Around the World: Ideas for adding an international flair to your nuptials! 10 Her Unexpected Love Story: Pastor Tina Davis
16 Mintle Health: How can I be sure he is “Mr. Right?” Kiss the frog in your prince goodbye 17 Wedding Etiquette: More Fairy Tale, Less Faux Pas 18 Showers: How to throw a bash to bless the bride-to-be!
12 Simplified Living: Amy Volk’s tips for planning an organized wedding
20 Life After Heartache: How love found one woman a second time.
Diamonds really are a Girl’s Best Friend: See what yours might be “telling” you.
22 Wedding Day Sanity Savers: Strategies from a professional that may “save the day!”
13 Smart Cents: Financial Planning Answers For Before You Say “I Do.”
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Twitter: iflourishonline Email: kelly@iflourishonline.com About the Cover Artist Joella Skilleter is predominately a self-taught artist. For many years, she focused her attention on watercolors, as it suited her nomadic lifestyle. After settling in New Zealand for a number of years, she began to explore the acrylic medium. In recent years, she has developed an interest in painting during times of worship and prayer. Joella currently resides in the United States. You can explore her range of paintings at www.joellaskilleter.com
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As of last count, I had seven bridesmaid dresses—four times as maid of honor and three times as a bridesmaid. Katherine Heigl made a movie about this entitled 27 Dresses which I sometimes think is an extended version of my life as a professional bridesmaid. The part of the movie where she was in the restroom holding up the bride’s pouffy dress so she could use the toilet was an episode I shared in real life. The Bible tells us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice” ( Romans 12:15), and I genuinely rejoiced at every turn. I rejoiced at the fact that I was completely involved in my friends’ lives, from the moment they got their rings to the part where I would walk down the aisle ensuring their trains and veils were at the right places so they wouldn’t trip on them. The last part I took seriously, even before Pippa Middleton became the most famous bridesmaid because of her now famous derriere. My own backside was seen in most photos, because I was usually bending down to fix a veil or hemline. I think the best part about being a bridesmaid is the part where you see your friend being whisked away in the wedding of her dreams, celebrating a love she has always dreamt of, and knowing that she has given you priority in sharing what could be the most important day of her life. So here it is, you’re given front row seats wearing a silk or satin dress in a certain motif, and the little labors in choosing the right flowers or stressing over the seating arrangement with her now seem trivial. Of all the days to be selfless for your girlfriend, the day that she picks you as her maid of honor or bridesmaid is the day. The fun part is that your friend even knows it—that her wedding day is her day and she knows you will understand. She is after all, your best friend. She wishes nothing but the best for you and wishes above all that she can return the favor once you too walk the aisle as a bride and she, your matron of honor. Most good brides (if not all) either push you to hook up with the best man or practice aiming their bouquets to ensure you get it. (We Christians do not believe in superstitions at all, but you will find that our friends actually still want us single people to catch the bouquets. I guess it’s the thought that counts.) Seven times and seven dresses now with four bridal showers organized, I have invested my best project management and creative skills in my friends’ big days. For some reason, organizing weddings has been quite a stress reliever for me. I always had a blast each time with special anecdotes to share. The best part of this entire experience is that when my turn comes, I’ve got seven people who would drop everything just to pick up my veil. “blessed babe” works as a marketing communications professional in the Philippines. She’s also actively involved in organizing events for her local church’s young adults and market workplace ministries. Aside from all this, she’s a professional maid of honor, aunt, shopper and blogger. Her single Christian girl’s adventures are chronicled at www.christianityinhighheels.com.
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5
Joys of Style
Joy Wansley
The Big Day
The perfect dress is the epitome of every bride’s dream come true. Love is in the air . . . but how does one choose amongst all of the various styles and designers?
Brynn Haynam
christinekelbyphotography.com
Your special day is all about the love in your heart, the joy coursing through your veins, and new hope for your future. Loved ones will gather in their finest to celebrate your blessings and love. All eyes will be on you as you walk down the aisle—making it a great time to bring out those special details that make your day unique, inspired and fun!
There are so many dress styles to choose from. Traditional, contemporary, modern, one-of-akind . . . no matter which you choose, it is how you light up that gown and how comfortable you feel in it that will matter. Always select the best style, fit and design for your body type. Your inner beauty will do the rest! Shine, sister, shine!
A
few key features for 2012 that you can incorporate into your day no matter the budget are: (from brides.com)
Caplets to add more delicate detailing to strapless dresses
Modern = Original—Tea length to show off those GREAT sassy shoes)
Short Mod
Illusion Necklines
Deep plunging v’s in the front or back
Two-Tiered Skirts— camouflage wider hips
Lots of sparkle
Horsehair Trim - a synthetic fabric often used on the underskirts of gowns to create a cleaner shape and a crisper hemline. Exposure of underlay fabrication visible hemline treatment or a lavishly looped sash or bodice detail for incredible volume.
Cap sleeves Fringe Lingerie-inspired corset or bustier Ornate Belts Crinkle Chiffon Skirts Light silk fabrics in taffeta or organza Lace Sleeves
Here’s to a smile on your face and a glisten in his eye! 6
Fernando Weberich
Wedding dresses in the color of ‘Blush’, soft subtle pink, tans, taupe, bronze, or brights
Sexy slits—high and low
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Vintage Inspired—touches of lace and intricate bead work
Sheer fabric with embellishment on top Courtesy of Joy Cooper
Fantasy Inspired—Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Once Upon A Time
Glass Slipper Envy Brides should have fun with shoes because it’s a wonderful “peek-a-boo” effect with a bit of whimsy for that Kodak Moment! It’s ALWAYS a Kick! This is where your personality can play with versatility, comfy yet eye-catching styles, and practicality in order to possibly wear the shoes with another outfit.
shoe photos by christinekelbyphotography.com
According to www.BudgetWeddingIdeas.com to “trip the night fantastic” key wedding shoe trends for 2012 include: 1. Pointed toes are ladylike and extremely flattering. 2. Platform heels give height and comfort at the same time. 3. Glitter and sparkle including glitter and crystal embellishments 4. Polka dots and bows for a fun and cheeky look 5. Floral features for timeless romance 6. Shimmering metallic 7. Flat styles (excellent for lawn or sand surface weddings) 8. New heights are never a problem. 9. A short but sweet message on the bottom of the shoes gives the audience a quick chuckle.
Tips for the Lady Guests:
Be girlie, not too sexy…remember the attention is for the bride.
What does the invitation say to you via its style or information inside?
Location, location, location, is it dressy or casual?
What was once taboo is being tossed to the wind! White, black and red are making a reappearance on today’s modern wedding guests.
Represent your personalit y and celebrate your individualit y! Enjoy your JOYS OF ST YLE!
On Finding the perfect dress… By Helen Kessler of pure english couture bridal
T
he process of shopping for a wedding dress can be a fabulous adventure, but it can also be stressful and overwhelming. You might have had a clear mental picture of the perfect wedding dress since you were five years old. On the other hand, you may have no idea what you are going to wear. The important thing is to relax, and remember that there are as many different kinds of dresses out there as there are different kinds of brides. Give yourself ample time. Generally, the rule of thumb is that you should order your gown 8-12 months before your wedding, but there are ways to get the gown quicker if required. Most bridal boutiques require an appointment. At pure english couture bridal (in Virginia Beach), we offer a one-on-one private appointment with a dedicated consultant who focuses on only one bride at a time so as to offer them the best in customer service. Take some time to think about what you want before your appointment. It is helpful to have a date set, to know what your budget is and to note any style details that are important to you. If possible, take a few people with you, whose opinions you trust. Too many people can offer too
many differing opinions, which can be very confusing and frustrating. Once you have an idea of budget and style, your consultant can select some gowns for you to try on. Keep an open mind—often something that does not look great on the hanger can be stunning. Share your thoughts, so your consultant knows your likes and dislikes. Your honest feedback is the best way to help find the perfect dress. Most of all, remember this is your wedding day. Wear whatever makes you comfortable and beautiful. You want to be able to enjoy your day and feel confident and fabulous. Don’t overthink it, and don’t be surprised when you find it! With so many wedding shows, blogs, websites and magazines all giving advice and instructions, you can feel like there is a wrong way and right way to feel. Some brides cry, some laugh, some are very decisive and others need more guidance, but when you find a gown that is in your budget and makes you feel wonderful—go for it!
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7
Weddings Around the World India
Many Indian brides wear pink and red saris on their wedding day and adorn themselves with beautiful jewelry. They also use henna staining, a traditional art form in which a natural dye is used to paint the skin. On the eve of her wedding vows, following a traditional ceremonial cleansing, the bride-to-be will have her hands and feet painted with henna in beautiful and intricate designs.
SPAIN In Spain, the groom presents the bride with 13 gold coins to symbolize his commitment to provide for her.
Japan
Before the ceremony, there is a rehearsal. Often during this rehearsal, the bride’s mother lowers the veil for her daughter, signifying the last act that a mother can do for her daughter, before “giving her away.” The father of the bride, much like in Western ceremonies, walks the bride down the aisle to her awaiting groom.
Greece
Known for their boisterous music and lively parties, many wedding receptions in Greece also feature a “money dance” in which guests pin money to the clothes of the bride and groom.
POLAND
The married couple is welcomed at the reception by the parents with bread and salt. The bread symbolizes the prosperity, salt stands for hardship of life. In so doing, the parents are wishing the young couple that they never go hungry and learn how to deal with everyday hardships together. The wedding party lasts (and the bride and groom remain) until the last guest leaves, usually the next morning.
China While some brides have adopted the more Western tradition of wearing a white dress, many still choose to wear the more traditional Chinese garb of red silk. Brides also buy several outfits, as they will change clothes three or more times during the reception.
Source: www.worldweddingtraditions.com/
Russia
Traditional Russian fare for the wedding feast was kournik–a multi-layered, domeshaped pie, the king of pies and a symbol of procreation. Real Russian kourniks used to be baked with buckwheat or millet stuffing, with additions of chicken meat, eggs and mushrooms. Kourniks were baked in the bride’s as well as in the groom’s houses. Bride’s pie was decorated with pastry flowers, and groom’s pie with human figurines made of dough.
FRANCE
At the reception, the couple customarily uses a toasting cup called a Coupe de Mariage. The origin of giving this toast began in France, when a small piece of toast was literally dropped into the couple’s wine to ensure a healthy life. The couple would lift their glass to “a toast,” as is common in Western culture today. Some couples also choose to serve a croquembouche instead of a wedding cake. This dessert is a pyramid of creme-filled pastry puffs, drizzled with a caramel glaze.
AFRICA
An African woven cloth serves the function of reflecting personal, societal, religious and political culture. Kente cloth is the primary woven fabric produced by the people of the old Ashanti Kingdom of Ghana. The traditional red, gold and green repeated in the design are liberation colors recognized by children of African descent all over the world.; red for the blood shed by millions in captivity, gold for the mineral wealth (prosperity), and green for the vegetation of the land of Africa (home). Traditional native attire for the female would be a headpiece (a gele’), a loose fitting or grand bou-bou or the wrap skirt (iro), shawl (iborum), and a short loose blouse (buba) made out of the same fabric. The groom wears a pair of slacks (sokoto), shirt (bubba), a long flowing pullover type jacket (agbada) and a rounded box-like hat (fila).
Mexico
When couples dance their first dance as husband and wife in Mexico, wedding guests form the shape of a heart around them as they dance.
Belgium
Brides in Belgium often carry a wedding handkerchief that is passed down from generation to generation.
Australia
In Australia, it is traditional for a bride to receive a keepsake Bible that she will pass down to future brides in the family.
Italy
The color green is very important in the Italian wedding. In Italy, the tradition of something blue is replaced with something green. This color brings good luck to the married couple. Belinda Elliott is a freelance writer from Chesapeake, Va. She has a Master of Arts in Journalism from Regent University. Her articles have been published in several magazines including Church Libraries, The Christian Communicator, Advanced Christian Writer and Pathways to God.
Old World Wedding? Imagine being sound asleep, and then suddenly, a banging on the door! Your groom has arrived for the wedding, and here you are with bed head, no makeup and morning breath! YUCK! I am glad wedding customs have changed through the years! In biblical times, a marriage began with the betrothal. A young man’s parents often chose his bride and offered a dowry to her family—valuable goods, money, or acts of service—in return for her promise to marry their son. As a result, the couple became betrothed. Betrothals were much more binding than “engagements” of today. A betrothal meant the woman now belonged to her bridegroom. Unfaithfulness after this vow was considered adultery and punishable by death. Couples were usually betrothed for approximately one year while the groom paid off the dowry and prepared the couple’s home where they would live after marriage. Once preparations were complete, it was time to marry. The marriage procession was quite festive and involved the groom and his friends traveling with torches, often after midnight, to the bride’s home and taking her back to live with him— thus the expression “to take a wife.” Though the bride knew her groom would be coming for her soon, she didn’t know exactly when. It was customary for people to begin shouting when they noticed a groom’s procession passing by. These shouts continued along their route and warned the bride and her attendants that her groom was near. The bride’s attendants would get her up, help her get ready, and cover her face with the veil that she would wear throughout the procession. Once the groom had retrieved his bride, his friends, along with the bride’s female attendants, would make their way back to his home. When they arrived, the veiled bride and groom entered their bridal chamber alone where they consummated the marriage—with their friends just outside the door! Later, the groom would announce their union to all their relatives which kicked off a joyous festival that often lasted seven days. Though I could get into a week-long party, I’m thankful that wedding ceremonies have changed through the years. I’m all for knowing the exact date and time for saying, “I do” and having time to plan accordingly! Whatever plans you have for your big day, make a conscious decision to savor the meanings and traditions that you do decide to include. Breathe deeply and drink in every moment of it, capturing the heart and significance of each moment. Whether it is time spent with your friends getting ready, the moment of walking down the aisle, or the toast at the reception afterward, savor the moments and those close to you. Whether you choose a red dress or white, flowers or rice, the memories are something you will treasure for the rest of your life. And then if you want to party for the next seven days, go ahead! Nothing wrong with making it a “big week,” right?
AnUnexpected Love Story An Interview with Pastor Tina Davis
Lisa Zader: captured by the lens
Story by Dana Williams | Photos by Lisa Zader
If you’re at all like me, you have made at least one five-year it would be her husband who would take the lead while she plan in your lifetime. And if you’re at all like me, your lovingly supported him. Little did she know her path would five-year plan stretched on for 10 years, and you only look altogether different than what she had imagined. Enter have three items on your list of 10 checked off. So it is Chris Davis, accomplished musician and attorney, a few years with life. I am constantly reminded of the verse that her junior. Nope. Not a fellow pastor. Not a man older than reads, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the she. But nonetheless, God’s perfect choice for her. The two Lord’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21, NIV). had known each other for several years as they were both So it was with my friend and women’s ministry leader, Tina involved on the worship team Davis, campus pastor for the at church. A budding romance Deep Creek site and Women’s was definitely in the works, Ministry Directory of New Life even if she didn’t realize it. Providence Church. Tina sat Then “suddenly,” Tina says, it down with me to discuss her For Keeping the Fire Burning became very apparent that views on marriage and share Laugh a lot. something big was about to go her own personal love story. down. It didn’t take too much Date a lot. Dates need not be expensive, Tina is a busy bee. Wearing but should be extraordinary and intentional. longer for Tina to realize this You will invest in what you value. multiple hats at the church, she man was the right fit for her. somehow manages to fulfill her Find out what gives your marriage life, and do that “As a child, I never really more. For us, it is taking mini getaways together. ministerial duties, maintain her thought of my dream wedding,” Continue to validate your love for one another. friendships (and pick up some Tina recalls. “I was much more new ones along the way), look practical about things. I wasn’t fab 100 percent of the time as much concerned with the For Fighting Fair and savor a healthy, vibrant wedding as I was in how it [the Don’t be afraid to take a break if things are getting heated. marriage with her love, Chris. marriage] would affect my life.” Find a person (or two or three!) that you both trust that Happy as she is now, her She jokingly compares herself can mediate should you not be able to reach a mutual story does have a dose of the decision. Calling upon this person should be rare. with the lead in the movie, 27 unexpected. She had it all Dresses—always the bridesmaid, Know where your wounds are, and tell your spouse. If planned out. After moving to they really love you, they will not approach you that way. never the bride. But as God Virginia Beach from New York Never go to bed angry! would have it, she finally had to attend Regent University, her fairy-tale wedding—an Tina “just knew” she would event that spanned 12 marry at the ripe old age of For Fun Date Ideas hours, start to finish and 22. “My mother got married Find discount sites! We are very budget conscious. included two receptions. at 22, and so I just figured I Try something different. Today, the couple just would too. It didn’t take very Cultural experiences (plays, theater) celebrated their fifth wedding long for me to realize that Overnight bed and breakfast anniversary and are still going wasn’t going to happen for strong. “We believe we have a me.” Shortly thereafter, Tina personal mandate to speak into says she had a revelation. Divorce Busters the lives of marriages, though Fresh off the heels of a broken Find someone to mentor and walk with you we haven’t been married for engagement, she had a lifeas a couple. Be proactive about it. that long,” Tina acknowledges. changing conversation with Still love and honor your spouse, even (Perhaps she is being humble God. “He asked me, ‘Why is it when they are not meeting the mark. though; the couple have both that you feel you need to get Address your wounds before you get married. Many times formally studied theology, we put a face on our spouses that belongs to someone else married to do what it is I have (a harsh word spoken by our mother, father, our ex, etc.) are respected leaders in our called you to do?’ Up until that community, and Tina holds Voice your concerns to God more point, I had thought I needed (instead of nagging your spouse!) an MA in Counseling.) Young, to get married so that I could successful, but best of all begin to live my life.” It didn’t selfless with Christ at the take her long to understand Tina’s Marriage Verse to Live By helm, the Davises show that that God was asking her to Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but Christian marriages need not with humility of mind regard one another as more trust His plan for her life, with important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3, NASB) fall into the same pitfalls as or without a man. That plan the world. “The Bible really would include obtaining her does ‘work’ when you follow master’s degree and answering what it says,” she advises. the call into full-time Christian What a breath of fresh air Tina and Chris are in what ministry. “No matter how old you are when you get married, can sometimes be a world tainted with marital brokenness. it is imperative to have a strong sense of your own identity, This couple exemplifies the pure, fun-loving and committed or you will always look to your spouse to fill that void.” Growing up as the daughter of international missionaries, relationship that Christ desires all marriages to be. They help Tina always thought she and her husband would be a us see that we need not fear marriage, love or commitment. ministering team much like her parents. Actually, she thought Because with Christ on our side, nothing shall be impossible.
Tina’s Tips
Amy Volk’s Tips for Planning an Organized Wedding Below are some core organizational tips that will help you start to piece the endless to-do list together and keep you on track.
vendor appointments as well as dress fittings, deadlines and other details on the calendar.
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Find a checklist or make a checklist of ALL the decisions that need to be made and things to do for the wedding. The above sites will help with that.
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Make a wedding binder. Using a three-ring binder, add pocket folders, a pencil pouch, business card pages and a note pad. Assemble the binder by inserting all these supplies.
Planning a wedding can be a stressful and chaotic time even for the most organized person! There are countless details to plan and keep track of, not to mention the after-wedding details too! Using a few simple, practical and inexpensive tools can massively contribute to keeping your cool for your beautiful day. Don’t be afraid to turn to the hundreds of online resources that offer free advice, printouts and reviews of vendors and services. If hiring a wedding planner isn’t in your budget or isn’t your style, you can still pull off a fantastic wedding. Keep in mind that most weddings take six months to one year to plan, so it’s never too soon to start!
Label each tab of the pocket folders with categories of the wedding: Guest List, Flowers, Food, Décor, Photography, Ideas, etc. The pencil pouch can be used to hold receipts, swatches and other small details. Use the business card pages for all the vendors you are working with.
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I f you like using software, several companies have ready-to-use software. www.elmsoftware.com/ido www.weddingsoft.com www.theweddingplanningguides.com
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A year-long wall calendar can help you keep track of key dates as the wedding inches closer. It gives you a visual perspective of the months ahead and is a great way to stay on task. Mark all your
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A fantastic online resource for brides is www.weddingwindow.com/blog.
They have checklists, budget trackers and a host of other tools to organize and plan your wedding.
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Use a name changing service to handle all the legal details of changing your name at www.missnowmrs.com.
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Finally, repurpose the planner for AFTER the wedding. Re-label the pocket folders for cards, gifts, thank-you cards, address labels, stamps and other wrap-up details. Simplified Living LLC founder Amy Volk has a passion for creating beautiful, clutter-free homes and corporate environments. She helps people learn to live more simply. Visit her at www.simplifiedliving.org.
DIAMONDS Really Are a Girl’s Best Friend! Shining light onto some secrets of marital bliss. Kelly Head What girl isn’t overjoyed at the big “rock” placed upon her hand as her soul mate declares his undying love? But perhaps more than the size of the diamond, we should be considering the amazing qualities of this beautiful gemstone placed upon our neatly manicured finger. Below are some attributes of diamonds that may also shed some light on characteristics we can strive for in our marriages. If we do, we too can shine forth bright beauty together with our husbands in continued marital bliss—happily ever after.
diamonds
Are Unbreakable. Diamonds don’t “shatter” under pressure. Actually,
pressure is what brings about their beauty in the first place. We can choose to allow the inevitable problems life brings in its path to enhance our beauty and turn us into brilliant gems. Resolve is a choice, dear sisters.
Disperse Light. What are we and our (soon-to-be) spouse doing together to bring goodness into the world? It’s good to always keep that a focus. By blessing others we shine forth with the Light of Christ—and who can resist that brilliance? It surrounds us in love and keeps the bonds of marriage strong by keeping us united in a purpose. Are Clear. We need to keep “clear” too as the fewer impurities equals the better the “diamond” of our heart. Walking in continual forgiveness helps us to keep our hearts and minds clear as day.
Are Expensive. Yep, that big ol’ diamond put our honey
back a pretty penny. So , may we always try to remember the pricelessness of our marriage partner. When we are so busy focusing on their intrinsic value, we expand the love and appreciation into our homes—leaving no room for criticism and nagging (yuck).
Are Beautiful. Yes, there is a reason everyone oohs and aahs over
that new engagement ring, doll. “Ohhh, sooo pretty,” in all its sparkly glory. We too can always do our best to remain beautiful—both inside and out. That keeps our husband super proud of “his” gem—us!
Need Polishing. Every so often we need to take
our precious stone to the jeweler to bring back its natural luster, its exterior a bit dulled by the grit from its surroundings. Same goes with us! We need to daily keep our minds washed in the Word. Nothing brings love, peace, joy and hope into our lives like growing in our relationship with our Creator! That is the only basis for a solid union.
Are Conduits for Electricity. Ahem. I don’t think I need to explain this metaphor, now do I gals? Grin. Men are just “wired” for lots of “lovin.” You know it’s true. Not to mention just keeping the fun alive by spending quality time that includes lots of fun and laughter. So, let’s do our part to keep those heat waves flowing no matter how long we’ve been married.
Who knew we could learn so much from that precious jewel we wear so proudly? So, next time we admire that pretty token of love on our fingers, let’s try to remember that it possesses a lot of great characteristics—those same ones that we can cultivate to keep our marriages sparkly, strong, precious and bright!
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Penny Crowell
Classic Wedding Tunes By: Dan Macintosh
My fiancé and I have a lot of questions regarding our finances once we become a married couple. One is do you recommend keeping our accounts separate, or should we hold joint accounts? This is a decision that each couple has to make. It’s not necessarily easy and there may not be one perfect answer, but I commend you for taking the first step, which is to discuss finances before you get married. Not enough people do this, and there are a lot of molehills that become mountains when it comes to money and our emotions about it! To help you have a meaningful conversation with your fiancé consider the following things: There is usually a spender and a saver in each relationship. You’ve probably already identified which of you fits which category. It’s true that opposites attract and this can be a really good thing when it comes to money, because the saver will be the voice of reason to the spender. Likewise, the spender will help the saver be a little more spontaneous. It’s important to be open and honest about spending and saving goals; otherwise, there can be a lot of conflict, stress and hurt feelings. Generally, I believe that since as you are making a commitment to a lifelong relationship with your spouse you should have joint accounts. This forces you to work together and communicate about money on a regular basis. It also shows a commitment to unity and avoids withholding a part of yourself from your spouse. However, there are times when it may make sense to hold some assets separate. This is especially true in a second marriage. You may be bringing assets into the marriage that are intended for your children. In this case, those assets could be titled just in your name, so that the beneficiary is your child. I routinely refer my clients to an attorney who can help with their planning by creating wills and trusts. These are legal documents that can help ensure that assets are passed according to your wishes if something unforeseen happens. Doug Davis, an attorney with the Davis Law Group in Chesapeake, says that “without proper planning with a will or a trust, confusion and unforeseen adverse consequences are a certainty”. He recommends that married couples place assets in Revocable Living Trusts with joint control so that in the event of a lifetime disability or after the first spouse dies, the remaining spouse maintains control of all marital assets. A failure to plan properly often results in accidentally disinheriting children and other beneficiaries. For example: Assume that husband and wife own everything jointly, that the husband dies first and as a result of joint ownership, everything goes to the wife. The wife then gets remarried and owns everything jointly with right of survivorship with the new husband. At the wife’s death, everything she and her first husband owned together goes to the new husband, leaving the children with nothing. Mr. Davis points out that second marriages require additional planning, saying “they are even more complex because we have to ensure that children from prior relationships are protected, while at the same time meeting their desire to take care of each other during their lifetime and after the first of them dies.” It is also important to do financial planning as a couple. Life insurance has played a major role in many families’ financial success when a death has occurred. The funds from the insurance plan can help offset bills, replace lost income and keep the family solvent. Many children have been able to afford college even after losing a parent because the parents had good life insurance. Because life insurance premiums are based on age and health, I always encourage people to obtain the coverage while they’re young and healthy. Another important point of conversation should be the issue of tithing and contributions to your church. Some people have always contributed at least 10 percent in tithes, but your future spouse may have never tithed. This can be a point of contention so it’s good to discuss this before you get married.
“The Wedding Song (There Is Love)” Noel Paul Stookey This is an oldie, but still a goodie. It takes its description of love straight from the New Testament, and it’s impossible to go wrong with that. It’s so good even a few non-Christians are unafraid to use it.
“I Will be There” Steven Curtis Chapman This song of love and devotion puts marriage simply and honestly. Sure, it shares a melody with a certain Earth, Wind & Fire song. But Christians don’t listen to funk, right?
“Your Love Broke Through” Rebecca St. James This fine Keith Green song about God’s love also fits the wedding scene as well. The lyrics testify to the power of love. After all, love is what weddings are all about.
“Household of Faith” Steve Green True Christians want to build new married lives on Christian faith, and this ballad nicely expresses this desire. The Bible talks about building lives on a firm foundation. People certainly want to construct a marriage on a sturdy foundation.
“Something Beautiful” Newsboys When Newsboys vocalist Peter Furler sings, “I want a new beginning/One without an end,” he sets both a spiritual and romantic goal. The Christian faith is all about starting over. Similarly, when men and women leave home to get married, they are also starting over again.
“Good Thing Going” Carolyn Arends Carolyn Arends doesn’t promise the sun and moon with these lyrics. Instead, she states,”I don’t worry ‘bout us,” which show faith
for love. Arends doesn’t go for the big, built-up ballad, but a welcome laid-back approach.
“When God Made You” Newsong There is a degree of predestination in the whole Christian matchmaking process. You certainly get that drift when Newsong sings, “When God made you/He must have been thinking about me.”
“How Beautiful” Twila Paris Twila Paris is one of the best Christian songwriters at creating big statement songs, which she perfectly accomplishes with this. There’s nothing more beautiful than a wedding.
“Give Me Forever (I Do)” John Tesh and James Ingram Ingram’s soulful singing style and Tesh’s piano playing are an unbeatable combination.
“Without Love” Stacie Orrico If you want something more contemporary with a dance feel instead of a ballad, this is it. Orrico also paraphrases scripture within her song, while still being “catchy.”
Finally, discuss who will have the responsibility to make sure the checkbook balances and all the bills are paid. This should go to the person who enjoys this type of administrative work. Some people are naturally better at it than others. You don’t want to be in a situation where both of you assumed the other person was going to handle this. That could result in over-drafted accounts and late charges on bills. The bottom line is communicate, communicate, communicate! This will help you avoid the pitfalls surrounding finances in your marriage. For more information on planning with Trusts visit Mr. Davis’ blog at blog.davislawgrouppc.com or call him at 757-420-7722. For more information on financial planning contact Penny Crowell at 757-493-4319. Penny Crowell is a Registered Principal and offers securities and investment advisory services through MML Investors Services, LLC., Member SIPC. Supervision Office: 222 Central Park Avenue, Suite 1100, Virginia Beach, VA 23462. (757) 490-9041.
Attorney Jason Head
VisionLegalFirm.com | 757-248-3648 Franchise • Entertainment/Publishing • Business/Contracts Non-Profits • Estate Plans - Wills & Trusts• E-Commerce One Columbus Center St. 600; Virginia Beach, Va 23562 | Jason@VisionLegalFirm.com
Shed Those Winter Pounds and Spring into a Fitter You Lisa Marshall The warmer, brighter days of spring often inspire us to get back in shape, especially if we will soon be walking down the aisle. Improving fitness almost always includes losing weight, which can sometimes be an elusive goal. Many factors contribute to shedding pounds. Just as we are multifaceted beings, weight loss (or fat loss as it is called these days) requires realignment of our spirit, soul and body. The best results for body transformation begin on the inside. Below are some strategies to help you become your most fit you. Pray. Seek your Creator for wisdom and guidance. He made your body and knows the best strategy to get it in shape. Let Him set your compass for change since every body is unique. Check in with your soul (mind, will and emotions). How do you think and feel about food and exercise? A food log can be very helpful for this. Track what, when and why you eat, as well as how you feel (emotionally and physically) before and after a meal. The key is to get into the motivation behind the behavior. The same is true for exercise. Do you resist or avoid it? If so, why? Take action. Exercise and proper nutrition are essential for fat loss. One pound of fat has 3,500 calories; therefore, at least 500 calories must be cut a day in order to lose one pound a week. Calorie reduction may be achieved through both consuming less and burning more with exercise. A good model for fat loss is to exercise at least five days a week including two to three days of resistance training and three days of 30 minutes or more of cardiovascular activity. Resistance training and aerobic exercise increase your resting metabolic rate so you can burn more calories all day. Set goals. Clear goals will significantly increase the likelihood of success. A helpful acronym to define an appropriate goal is SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound. Be sure you can define each of these attributes for your goals.
Final practical tips: Go for whole foods. Fill up on unprocessed, nutrient-dense foods like fresh vegetables, fruit and lean meat. Make small changes. Eat an extra serving of vegetables each day or go for a walk. Set realistic and achievable goals each week. Reaching each small goal will motivate you forward. Don’t do it alone. The success rate is markedly greater for those who have the support of friends and family. If you have any questions or would like more information, please contact me at lisa@optimumlifefitness.com or check out Optimum Life Fitness on Facebook.
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Getting Glitched
Compilation by Jennifer Avis
Mishaps From the Streets
My fiancé had a “Bachelor Snatch” the night before our wedding. His wedding party kidnapped him late at night to play a baseball match—something they did so often while growing up. Apparently he hurt his ankle and had to borrow his brother’s black sneakers instead of his own tuxedo shoes for our wedding ceremony. Kelly Morris, Chesapeake Our wedding cake had black frosting on it and turned everybody’s teeth black. Was horrible and hilarious all in one. Dianna Swenson, Virginia Beach I lost so much weight that when I put my wedding gown on for the big day, it fell off. I had to grab my nephew’s stinky gym socks and stuff them into my bra to keep the dress up! Lisa Bobby Winfield, Virginia Beach
The day finally came when I was going to marry the man I loved.
Proposal Mishap - We were at the Bahia Honda National Park in the Florida Keys when I popped the question. I thought things were going wonderfully on the beach. But when we went back to our car to leave the park and go back to our hotel, there was a terrible accident which blocked the road for hours. So we were forced to travel the opposite direction and improvise for the rest of the night. Patrick O’Brien, grew up in Virginia Beach It poured and poured on my wedding day! The limousine driver parked the car a hundred feet away from the church door. We waited and waited until my father reminded him of the weather. And though the driver looked as if it wasn’t a big deal, my dad was not happy. Michelle Rusk, Chesapeake
The church, the flowers, the music—everything was planned so beautifully. But there were blips and blunders waiting to happen; our day would deviate from the program. It started when the photographer arrived. I had been in somewhat of a daze, in a moment alone before the big rush. Of course I was touching up my makeup, and of course I did not have a smock on. Who would ever be so clumsy? You guessed it—ME! In all the excitement, I dropped my red lipstick. Spot, spot, swoosh! All the way down the front of my satin gown. Within seconds my beautiful dress was strewn over the kitchen island with me in it. Dad yanked the large, Austrian crystals off my veil and hot glued them over the red spots while Mom scrubbed the smear with a toothbrush. The rest of my bridal party laughed, shouted, cried and sighed when my gown looked like it had never been tarnished. Whew!
My maid of honor was supposed to give a toast. She had no idea how much wine she drank until she stood up and toppled over. She was fine, but everyone laughed through the whole thing. Leigh Turner, Portsmouth Our wedding reception took place outside. It was unseasonably hot, and our wedding cake began to melt. Flowers began to wilt and slide toward the table so we had cake sooner than we expected! Fiona Whitaker, Norfolk
(Meanwhile, my fiance had slipped into his slick tuxedo shoes and skipped a bunch of stairs back at his home, landing on his tuckas!)
Our church double booked us! We were faced with having to wed with people we didn’t know or find another church. We chose the latter....at the last minute! Lindsay, Virginia Beach
Glitch Take Two! My limousine was shiny, roomy and not so state-of-the-art. While the rest of my bridal party squeezed near cool vents, none of that refreshing air reached me. Our 20-minute ride to the church landed a pale, shaky and nauseated bride.
Perfect Proposals After two years of college dating, switching majors, working too many jobs and late night studying, my boyfriend had planned something. He chose the one thing which brought us together in the first place–music. We were going to an opera to see one of my favorites, The Merry Widow. We sat behind an older couple. I remember the lady flashing the biggest diamond I had ever seen. It caught the stage lights, dazzling a rainbow of glitz. Whenever she primped her hair, I nudged Robert to check it out. I had no idea why he fidgeted, coughed and sweated the way he did! The opera was lighthearted, romantic and everything else I knew it would be. The audience quickly bolted and we made a mad dash to the back. I was told we would meet the cast, something we had never done before.
Glitch Take Three! I chose my 2-year-old nephew and my husband’s 2-year-old cousin to be the ring bearer and flower girl. When it was time to process, the confident ring bearer left the scared flower girl at the entrance to the church. The poor little baby screamed for her mother who hurriedly swept her in her arms and instantly became the newest member of our wedding party.
Glitch Take Four!
The next thing I knew, I was standing in the beautiful finale scene. I was surrounded by vivid flowers underneath a white gazebo. When I looked up, the opera cast lined up on the catwalk, watching us. When I looked down, Robert was on one knee with his beautiful smile and a diamond ring. All else became history! Jennifer Avis After one year of dating, we took a trip to Boston so my boyfriend Tony could see where I grew up. While there, Tony arranged a private tour of Fenway Park for us and our parents. When we were invited to see the park’s new, big screen for the stadium, the tour guide radioed the control room to turn on the screen. It read, “Elissa, will you marry me?” Tony then knelt down on one knee and opened a hollowed Red Sox ball to reveal my ring. It was perfect! Elissa, Virginia Beach One early afternoon, a florist came to our work. Twenty minutes later our front office was filled with anonymous floral arrangements. No one knew who they were from, but they stayed. At quitting time, a limo driver asked me to come outside. When I did, the staff was there to watch the boss come out of the limo with my engagement ring. Wendy, Norfolk
We were so busy talking with our guests, we never ate a thing! There were so many more unplanned things or mix-ups that happened on our wedding day, making it the talk of family and friends for months to come. But now, when we look back after so many years, it isn’t the elegance or the beauty of the day we talk about the most. It is the moments when people laughed, when hilarity took control of serious circumstance, that made our day unforgettable. And so, if you are to marry soon, remember that no matter how well you plan, make room in your mind for the bizarre, the unexpected and the “uh-ohs.” Those glitches? The ones that have us sweating, stressed and speechless? They are not there to ruin your day, but to enrich it. Jennifer Avis is the author of Morty the Meerkat Has Autism. Devoted wife and mom, she writes for children and their families. You can find her blog Memoirs of a Challenge on Facebook, written for the Elijah Foundation.
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Mintle Health
Linda Mintle, Ph.D.
Cresta Brooke Shawver
Getting Married? Listen to Wise Counsel If you are considering marriage, pay attention to the people who love and care about you when it comes to selecting a mate. For example, my parents (two people I consider to be relatively wise) had opinions concerning my future partner. They had a perspective I valued as they watched me interact with men. At the point of marriage, they knew me better than anyone else. They also felt somewhat protective of their daughter. There were men I dated that my mother felt were not compatible with me. She didn’t meddle but did share her observations. This was helpful because she only reinforced what I already sensed. My father also had opinions and commented on things he felt were important about men. My parents’ input didn’t determine my decision, but I certainly found it valuable and I listened. It’s important to pray, read your Bible and seek God when you consider marrying someone. If you ask God to speak to you about the person, He will. Don’t think God isn’t interested. He is. If His eye is on the sparrows, He’s watching you! He knows the seriousness of the covenant and He wants you to get it right. But you’ve got to go to Him, ask and listen. Clients often tell me they feel “a check in their spirits” about a potential mate. Or they feel the still small voice is prompting them to end a relationship. Don’t ignore those spiritual warnings. When you pray about a specific marriage partner, the answer may not always be a green light. In addition, you should talk to your friends and listen to those who share your faith. They can help you think through important issues. If you are not defensive and are truly open to the feedback of others, they can point to areas of concern. Deal with these areas prior to making a commitment. Problems will not magically disappear after the wedding. I know people who married and knew they made a mistake before the honeymoon! Your pastor/priest/rabbi should be involved in the decision to marry. He/she is your spiritual authority and can challenge you as a couple regarding your commitment and compatibility. Premarital counseling is effective. There are inventories like PREPARE that identify areas of relational strengths and potential problems that predict marital dissatisfaction. PREPARE is one of the most widely used assessments around. The inventory can highlight areas of potential pitfalls. You may also learn things about your partner you didn’t know. Obviously there is much to consider when choosing a spouse. That’s why it is so important to take your time, get to know the person and watch how he/she handles life under a number of circumstances. Seeing someone function over time is very helpful. Quick courtships are risky– anyone can be on best behavior for a short period of time. Dr. Linda Mintle is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing for over 30 years. Follow her on Facebook (Dr. Linda Mintle, author and speaker), Twitter (drlinadhelps) and her daily blog on Beliefnet.com (Doing Life Together). Join the daily conversation with Dr. Linda Mintle’s new radio show, Doing Life Together, KTALK, 1650 a.m., 1-2:00 p.m. For more about Dr. Linda, check out her website—www.drlindahelps.com.
I’ve always been the romantic type. I was the little girl playing “bride” with the lace curtains as my veil. I always knew that I would meet my Prince Charming some day! Of course, I had to kiss a few frogs first, but when you finally meet “the one,” you forget all about the frogs. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have my head completely in the clouds. I know that no man (or woman, for that matter) is perfect! Marriage takes WORK! It’s about give and take, and both parties giving their best to the relationship. And even the best of marriages aren’t sunny every day. We all have those days where we’re just grumpy, and nothing is going to cheer us up. The days when you’re fighting to potty train your 2-year-old, the washing machine stops working and the hot water magically goes off—all within 30 minutes. Those are the days when you just want your Prince to come home and rescue you! And . . . maybe he does. Or maybe he had a day at the office where he had to sit through four unproductive meetings and then have his boss ask, “So what did you accomplish today?” Maybe he comes home, wanting a sanctuary and hoping that you will rescue him! As the years have passed, I’ve identified a few things that seem to be present in all of the men who stayed Prince Charming and didn’t turn into frogs. When I was dating, there were some criteria that definitely said “prince” to me. Simple things, like chivalry—holding open the door, seeing me safely home, being extra polite to my parents—all of those were good points. But other things were even more important—did he listen to my opinions and really care what I thought? Did he put God first, me second and everything else after that? Was he the kind of man who would jump in to protect me, emotionally, physically and any other way I needed it, at the drop of a hat? When I met my husband-to-be in college, he did all that and more. And almost 15 years later, he still does. If he has $5 left in his wallet, he’s probably going to spend it on me or our kids. He is without a doubt the most loving, unselfish person I know. And he treats me like a queen. And girls, you ALL deserve THAT kind of prince in your life! Not the kind of prince that says, “I’m worth the best!” but the kind that says, “I’ll give YOU my best.” Not those worldly princes that say, “I’m going to live like a prince,” but the ones who say, “I’m a child of a King, and that MAKES me a prince.” Real Prince Charmings love you so much, that all it takes to make them happy is for you to be happy. Now let me tell you the secret to making your husband, boyfriend or significant other this kind of prince. The catch is this, ladies—a real Prince Charming deserves a real Princess. When you put your prince first, he puts you first. When you think of his happiness before your own, he does the same to you. I’m not talking about a 1950s housewife mentality, greeting him at the door with a martini and his slippers. I’m talking about empathy and caring, give and take, and treating him the way you want to be treated. For those of you who had a Prince that has turned into a frog, give this a try. Ask about his day before you start complaining about yours. Make (or buy) his favorite foods for dinner, and when he says, “What’s the occasion?” say, “Just because I love you!” Treat him like the Prince Charming you want him to be, and see if he doesn’t rise to the occasion and treat you like the Princess you are! Don’t worry if he doesn’t get the idea right away; keep at it, and keep praying for him. Remember—God can turn even the worst frog into a real Prince!
We are on a very tight budget. Is it okay to send evites instead of formal wedding invitations?
More Fairy Tale, Less Faux Pas
While evites are a practical and inexpensive way of inviting guests to a celebration, your wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime occasion that deserves a bit more formality. Save the evites for a bridal shower or bachelorette party, and send hard-copy invitations to your wedding.
What should I wear to the wedding? Traditionally, morning and afternoon weddings were less formal and guests wore lighter colors, while evening weddings were dressier and guests wore darker colors. Women avoided wearing anything white (the bride’s color) or black (connotations of mourning) or anything that detracted from the bride. Today, you should take your cues from the formality of the invitations and what you know of the personalities of the bride and groom: are they people who like to dress up and are more traditional and formal, or more casual and laidback? If the ceremony will be held in a church, avoid anything that’s low-cut or revealing.
Is it okay to include a gift registry card in my wedding invitations? Even though it is common practice today, traditional rules of etiquette forbid any reference to registries in a wedding invitation. The proper place to include registry information is in an invitation to a bridal shower or on the couple’s wedding website. My best friend has offered to throw a bridal shower for me. I love her—but she is not a party planner. How can I go about giving my assistance, without hurting her feelings? Brainstorm ideas with her and be sure she has a clear idea of what you’d like. You may want to suggest a good friend that she can work with, or give her magazine clippings with helpful suggestions, like our article on How to Throw a Bridal Shower (see pages 18-19). I don’t like being the center of attention. I’m nervous about saying or doing the wrong thing at my bridal shower. Do you have any tips? Everyone will be eager for you to like and acknowledge her gift. As you open each present, make a brief comment about the gift and the giver: “This gift is from Jane Smith. Oh, how cute! Purple is my favorite color!” You’ll quickly get the hang of it and it will make each guest feel special.
ask. Never mention cash on your invitation, though you may consider adding language on your wedding website or on an insert in your invitations to the effect of “The happy couple will soon be moving to Zambia as missionaries. Instead of gifts, please consider donating to their ministry.” Include any relevant giving information.
Is it necessary to send thank-you notes if I’ve thanked the gift-givers in person? Yes, and as soon as possible. In your notes, acknowledge the gift by name and a little something special about the gift itself and what it means to you, or what the giver means to you. I wasn’t able to include all my close friends as bridesmaids, but I still want to include them in my wedding. What can I do to make them feel special? Give them special roles according to their personality and abilities. Take them aside weeks before the wedding and ask them if they would be willing to handle the gift table or the guest book, to cut the cake, or read a special scripture during the ceremony. Distinguish them from other guests by asking them to dress in a color similar to the bridesmaids or by giving them a corsage or special flower to wear. We are moving abroad shortly after the wedding. How do we let our guests know that we would like cash instead of gifts? This is a delicate issue. Traditionally, it is considered uncouth to discuss finances or gifts with your guests unless they
What gift should I get for the bride and groom? It depends on two things: your relationship with the bride or groom and your budget constraints. Also something to factor in is what other gifts or contributions you will be expected to make to the couple, like if you’re in the bridal party and will be expected to buy a dress and fly in from a different state. Should I bring my children to the wedding? Only bring children if the bride and groom have made it clear that they are welcome. No bride wants her vows interrupted by a fussy child. Look on the invitation for clues like “Childcare is provided” or the wording “and family” on the envelope. When in doubt, ask. I am in a relationship, but my invitation did not include my boyfriend. Is it okay to bring him along? Not usually. If it’s a big church wedding where the entire congregation has been invited, then bring him along. If it’s a smaller wedding or there is a sit-down reception, space is usually at a premium and unexpected guests would not be welcome. If you are close to the couple getting married, ask them; if you are not, have him sit this one out and enjoy celebrating the happy couple on your own.
Nathalie Jeter was born and raised in Paris, France, where her parents were missionaries. She blogs about travel, food and prayer at www.prayerwalkguides.com.
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Before She Says how to throw a bash to bless the bride-to-be by michelle l. jeter
“I Do”
“I’m getting married!” Your best friend glows with excitement as she shows off her sparkling engagement ring. You are thrilled to be asked to be her maid of honor, but as the wedding approaches panic sets in. “Oh no! Am I responsible for throwing the bridal shower? Help!” Whether you are a friend, sister or mother of the bride, throwing a bridal shower doesn’t have to be overwhelming. With some creativity and planning ahead, bridal showers can be enjoyable, individualized to the bride’s interests and taste, and designed to fit any budget! Above all, as you are planning a bridal shower, try to keep things in perspective. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Remember that it’s all about blessing the bride and celebrating this new stage of her life —so relax and have fun with it! Here’s a step-by-step guide to get you started.
step 1 Select Your Shower Style
• Traditional Shower—The traditional bridal shower is usually focused on setting up the bride’s new residence. Gifts center around kitchen, bath and household items. • Personal Shower—This is a more intimate shower usually thrown by close friends. Gifts can include lingerie, candles, lotions, manicure sets and chocolates. • Themed Shower—A themed shower can be planned around a hobby or interest of the bride—such as cooking, travel, movies, gardening or books—and guests are encouraged to bring gifts in that particular category.
Perfect Party Punch • 1 two-liter bottle of ginger ale or sparkling water, chilled • 1 gallon of natural fruit juice (I like anything with cranberry or pomegranate), chilled • Frozen strawberries, peaches, pineapple, raspberries or blueberries Combine all ingredients in a large punch bowl just before guests arrive. May also serve with scoops of fruit sherbet.
Fruit Bouquet
Cucumber Sandwiches
• Fresh whole strawberries
• 1 packet Ranch dressing mix
• Seedless grapes, red or green
• 1 package cream cheese
• Chunks of fresh pineapple
• 2 Tablespoons sour cream
• Melon balls (cantaloupe or watermelon)
• Sliced white bread (remove crusts)
Alternate fruit on bamboo skewers, then poke into half of a cantaloupe or watermelon. May also include chocolate-dipped strawberries, marshmallows, or small squares of fudge or brownies.
• Thinly sliced cucumbers Mix ranch dressing packet, cream cheese, and sour cream and spread on a slice of bread. Arrange cucumbers on top, then cover with another slice of bread. Cut in squares to serve.
step 2
Compile a Guest List and Send Invitations
• Ask the bride-to-be whom she would like to invite. Close friends? Relatives? Work or church friends? A small circle or a large party? • Choose invitations to match the feel of the event— elegant, romantic, whimsical or thematic. • For a more formal shower, send invitations by mail. Electronic invitations may be acceptable for close friends and family. List an email address or phone number for guests to RSVP. • Include where the bride is registered for gifts. For a themed shower, you may give suggestions for gifts, such as bringing a favorite recipe along with a few utensils or ingredients to make it.
step 3
Plan and Prepare the Food
• Keep in mind the bride’s food preferences. Does she have any favorite snacks, desserts or drinks? Does she have any food allergies? • Provide several options—salty, sweet, fruits and vegetables, and hot and cold beverages. • Choose foods to complement the type of shower: Flavored hot cocoa, a chocolate fountain and fresh fruit for a personal shower. Strawberry lemonade, peach iced tea and grilled vegetables for a summer garden party. Cucumber sandwiches and scones with cream and raspberry jam for an afternoon tea. Cheese fondue, sushi rolls or teriyaki chicken skewers for an international or travel-themed shower.
step 4
Decide Order of Events and Assign Tasks
• Don’t be afraid to recruit assistance! Delegate specific jobs to make the event flow smoothly with minimal stress. Decorators – Help to set up decorations, chairs and food tables. Greeter – Welcome guests, provide name tags (can list relationship to bride under name). Gift Coordinator – Indicate where guests should place gifts and cards, record gifts received and who it was from, and collect addresses of guests for bride to send thank-you notes. Activity Coordinator – Guide guests through activities and games, if desired, such as: Fact or Fiction: Choose which items are true from a list of how the couple met. Give a prize to the guest who has been married the longest or shortest amount of time. Servers – Set up, replenish and clear away food and beverages. Prayer Leader – Lead a time of encouragement, blessing and prayer for the bride-to-be.
step 5
Set the Mood and Let the Party Begin!
• Decorations should be minimal and tasteful, but you can be creative! Old plane tickets, vintage luggage and antique maps for a travel theme. Bouquets of kitchen utensils tied with a ribbon, recipe cards that guests fill out and tie to a tree, and grandma’s teapot collection for a cooking shower. Small framed photos of the bride-to-be and/or the bride and groom together in clusters around the room, maybe mixed with wedding photos of her mother and grandmother. • Consider playing soft instrumental music in the background—classical, jazz, swing or ethnic music. • Set out the food and welcome your guests!
cake pops Remember last year, when everyone was having cupcake stations at their bridal shower or casual wedding reception? Well meet the new cupcake— cake pops!
Cake pops couldn’t be easier! Make up one box of your favorite cake mix. When the cake is cool, crumble it all up! Make a big mess. Then plop in one container of your favorite frosting, and mix well. This is one recipe where it’s easiest to use your hands! Get creative with your flavor combinations. My favorite combination is devil’s food cake with milk chocolate frosting. Yum. Or red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting! Oooh, my mouth is watering! When you have your cake and frosting combination all mixed up, get a small cookie scoop or melon baller and start making balls. I find it easiest to put all the balls of cake/frosting on a cookie sheet, and put them in the freezer for an hour or so, just to get them nice and firm. Then you’re ready for the fun part—decorating! Melt a whole bag of chocolate chips over a double boiler until smooth. You can use milk chocolate, white chocolate or semi-sweet. Insert your sticks (available at any craft store) into the frozen cake balls and dip one at a time in the melted chocolate. While the chocolate is soft, you can roll the pops in nuts, sprinkles or tiny candies. Return the pops to the fridge to cool and set the chocolate coating. If you’re really creative, you can decorate the cooled cake pops with more chocolate, like these bride and groom pops!
One Woman Shares Her Journey from love, to loss and sorrow, to renewed hope and love. Anna Bowman
Holly Callan
Lisa Kay Rogers loves God and is the sort who has Lisa was heartbroken, battled fear, but remained would remain her home. She had so busy tending put her trust in the Lord and faith in His promises hopeful that Clark would recover. Throughout Clark’s to Clark to be very relational in the year prior, but from a young age. While she stands strong, her faith illness and treatment, Lisa was aware of God’s she was astounded at the outpouring of love and has certainly been tested more than most people goodness shown through the body of Christ and her felt she should stay. She began working with the still so young. One of those promises Lisa trusted in husband’s fighting spirit. The Cove kept Clark on staff youth, pouring into the very kids that Clark had was to grow up and eventually marry a loving, kind and paid him even though he was not able to work. touched. At times, she wondered if she could ever and creative husband. She was so happy when that Lisa’s job allowed her to work from home so she could love someone again. She knew that she was made promise was fulfilled the very be with Clark during his battle with for relationship but also had to be alright with the day she met Clark Rogers cancer. Clark also seemed stronger possibility that it may never happen for her again. - a fun-loving, handsome spiritually, singing praises even However, it would seem that the God of promises musician. She was just living during some of the worst moments. had something else in store for her. In August life, until she happened to be As options seemed to be 2011, Lisa reconnected with her old friend John working on a church plant in running out, the couple pressed on Strong. She and John knew each other from their 2005. Clark, a worship pastor in hope. Lisa and Clark found out college days at Regent University in Virginia, and at The Cove in North Carolina, about some alternative medical Lisa remembered him as a funny, handsome, loving, was asked to help out at treatment in Mexico with hopes kind, creative soul with a heart for the Lord. Lisa the church plant in Virginia for a miracle. Unfortunately, actually liked John, but thought he wasn’t interested Beach. He then eventually Clark would lose his battle with in her. She remembers slipping her arm in his at a Clark was always smiling, accepted a permanent cancer while in Mexico, and Cajun Festival to show her interest. However, he laughing, and you couldn’t help position with the church, Lisa would fly home all alone. never acted on this invitation. So, they remained but smile and laugh when you relocating there. Lisa and Clark The flight home was the friends and after graduation, John moved on to were around him. We were quickly became friends. beginning of one of the darkest times Dallas, then to LA. Lisa became involved in the church always having fun together. In October of that same in Lisa’s life. She remembers having plant in Virginia Beach where she met Clark. year, Lisa prayed that God would remove her feelings no fear of dying, thinking that she would be just John had reached out to Lisa a couple of times for Clark if he wasn’t right for her. One month later, fine if the plane went down right then. The images after Clark’s passing, but, due to her grief process, Clark was confessing his feelings for her. They became of Clark’s battle would keep her awake at night. She Lisa wasn’t ready to connect. But, in August 2011, serious very quickly, meeting family over the holidays, missed him greatly. However, she getting engaged in March, and marrying that May. says she never questioned God. The Lisa says she just knew it was God’s design as she answer to “Why?” just felt too big for saw His hand in it. Everyone was excited about their her to understand, she said. Despite union, never questioning how quickly they proceeded. such a trial, faith was all she had Their life together was extremely fulfilling and left. From beneath the embers, hope happy. Lisa looked forward to growing old with Clark still glowed with the understanding and doing ministry together into their eighties. that God still had a purpose for Still just barely beginning their fun and loving her life. And knowing that even in marriage, they took a weekend trip to celebrate death Clark’s life had touched others their two-year anniversary. It was then that gave her strength. She had already Clark began to complain of some back pain. This heard of several people who were continued through July when he felt he better have personally affected by Clark’s story. it checked out. Something just didn’t feel right. Then there were three people who After many tests, Clark was diagnosed with gave their lives to Christ at a benefit John & I during our Regent years. This was at my birthday party – July 2000. bladder cancer. Doctors found a sizable mass concert held for Clark. She knew attached to the wall of Clark’s bladder. They that God did not cause Clark’s cancer; scheduled surgery for September; but it was but He would use it for His glory. Clark’s response she saw that John was taking a trip to Croatia discovered during the surgery that the cancer would have been, “That’s more than enough.” with some of their common friends. She decided had spread and the tumor had wrapped itself In the three years following Clark’s death, to reconnect. John was glad to hear from her and around an artery. Chemo started soon after. Lisa determined that North Carolina and The Cove said that they should catch up when he returned.
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In John’s Words I woke up Friday morning, December 30th, and I had a feeling that this was going to be “the day.”
I packed my bags and drove to New Orleans the day after Christmas. I arrived JUST in time to pick Lisa up from the airport and then we drove ANOTHER hour to get to Don and Rachel’s house, where we both stayed for the week. Every day I gave Lisa a Christmas present. In fact, she did the same for me. We had fun opening a new present every morning before our daily adventures! Davidson, NC in November 2011. John and I had started talking in
August and soon began making plans for him to come visit me. This visit confirmed what we had both been feeling – that we loved each other.
So John called Lisa. Soon, he expressed an interest in planning a trip to come see her. Lisa was excited but didn’t want to get ahead of herself. They scheduled a tentative trip in October and began calling each other a couple times a week. This quickly grew into texting and emailing multiple times a day. Lisa’s heart was opening again. In September, Lisa asked John if he remembered the Cajun Festival. John emailed back that he did remember that night and thought about it often. He even remembered her slipping her arm in his and how it made him feel. He stated that he was simply too shy and immature to act on it back then, but that he was excited that they would once again get to hang out very soon. Lisa and John were more open with each other from that point forward and October suddenly seemed an eternity away, she said. When the day finally arrived to pick John up at the airport, Lisa contemplated that she had not seen him since 2005 when she and a friend were in LA. In her words, “After the first five minutes of slight awkwardness and awe that we were actually standing in front of each other, it was as if no time had passed. It was incredibly comfortable and fun. Then, that night he took my hand in his and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Shortly after that, he told me he loved me, and I responded in kind.” On December 30, 2011, John proposed marriage to Lisa on beautiful Lake Pontchartrain. Love had found her a second time. While there was great heartache in what Lisa went though, she said she wouldn’t change it. She is proud to continue to share Clark’s story with others and allow God to use it, and says that it doesn’t at all diminish her love and future life with John. God gives you the capacity to love more, she said. Your heart grows to encompass it. She is looking forward to her life with John and all the promises their future holds. She is in love . . . When asked what encouragement she could give others who have had situations turn out differently than they had hoped, she says that God is bigger than anything we go through. God knows and understands how you feel. Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” “Continue to move forward, putting one foot in front of the other. You might not feel God, but He is there. Just keep the line of communication open, and His joy and hope will one day return to your heart,” she said.
Anna Bowman is a mother to her three children and wife to her superhero husband. She enjoys all things artistic and worshiping her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. She has a heart for women of today and is working to redefine personal beauty through her blog www.whoisbeautiful.org
I did not have the ring when I drove down to New Orleans. I ordered the exact ring I wanted from Blue Nile, but it would take a few extra days to arrive, so I wasn’t even sure when I would actually propose! I felt it would be Friday, and that morning I began to prepare. And 10:30 a.m., one hour before we left the house, FedEx came calling. It was beautiful. I packed the ring up with some sparkling red wine and chocolate, and I took Lisa to the Fontainebleau State Park on the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 70 degrees. Clear, sunny, and slightly cool. I took her near a patch of silky white sand with these trees with cool knobby roots that stick out of the sand. Everything looked out onto the lake and the pier. And I laid a blanket down. I handed her a card that had beautiful words on it that talked about “two hearts that took awhile to come together, but we’re now wiser and more mature...” And after she read my letter on the inside, she saw that I had a p.s.: “Ask me what’s in my pocket.” What she did not expect was for me to pull out a small palm-sized journal that said “Paris” on it. She later told me she was a little disappointed when a book is all I pulled out. :) ] But I then told her I had a message in it. She then read that I loved her more than anything in the universe, and one day I would love to take her here. (I had an arrow pointing to a picture of the Eiffel Tower.) BUT... (turn the page) We’d have to be married first, SO... [turn the page again!]
“Will you marry me?” was plastered on the next two pages. As soon as she read it, she exclaimed without hesitation, “YES! YES! YES!” and then kissed me all over. (I really liked that part.) I looked up at her and told her that I wanted to be her husband, the father of her children, and that I wanted to make her happy the whole rest of my life. I then pulled out the ring and asked her, this time verbally. She said yes again, and then I stood and kissed her and I placed the ring on her finger. I was very happy that she LOVED the ring. Some things take time in life, and I can say without reservation that it has been worth all the wait over the years to be with this beautiful and wonderful woman today. :)
Wedding Day Sanity Savers
Story and Photos by Christine Kelby Photography
Almost every wedding I have photographed runs behind schedule. This is not unusual because of all the preparations that happen before the ceremony starts, plus all that goes on before you enter the reception (most of which your guests aren’t even aware of)! Here are some tips to help your wedding day run on time. Leave Lots of Time to Get Ready: After your hair and makeup are complete, you need additional time just to put on your gown, shoes, garter, veil and jewelry. If you have a gown with a lace-up corset or buttons, you will need to add extra time. Just getting dressed can take 30-60 minutes. Make sure you practice getting into your gown before your wedding day with the people who are going to help you. Remember, even if you want your hair and makeup simple, all brides should add 60 minutes to the amount of time they think they need to get completely ready. We Didn’t Know We Were Needed for Photos: Many times, the families and wedding party are not aware that they are needed for photos both before and after the ceremony. Share your wedding day schedule at the rehearsal, and have everyone arrive at least 30–60 minutes before photos are to begin. This allows a buffer for those running late and to get flowers pinned. Boutonnières & Corsages: When the flowers arrive, assign someone to gather the boutonnières and corsages and pin them as soon as possible—at least 30 minutes before the portraits are to start. Mock photos can always be taken of the flowers being pinned. Receiving Line: Most weddings no longer have a receiving line, as the couple greets guests at the reception. If you want to have a receiving line, keep it to the bride and groom and parents only (most guests are friends of the couple or their parents). You can expect a receiving line to take 15-30 minutes,
depending on the number of guests you are greeting. Get-Away: To do this quickly after the ceremony, have the couple go to a private room after exiting the ceremony. Next, have a pre-assigned person line up your guests and pass out the bubbles, petals, etc. Make your grand exit, drive around the building (guests can then proceed to the reception), and return for photos with your family and wedding party. To save even more time, consider doing a get-away at the end of the reception instead. If choosing this route, have the DJ start announcing it 30 minutes in advance with specific instructions, such as “Start getting ready for the get-away after this last dance. Proceed out the front doors to get your sparklers.” That way, guests are ready when the time comes and know the reception is winding down. After-Ceremony Portraits: After the ceremony is over, guests need to leave the site, and family and wedding party members need to re-gather for photos—a 10 to 15-minute process. In order to keep things moving, “hide” the bride and groom, family and wedding party in a private room so guests don’t stop to chat. Most couples would prefer a grand entrance into the reception, as opposed to mingling with guests right after the ceremony.
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Special Dances: The first dance, bride/father dance, and groom/mother dance take a substantial amount of time. Instead, choose one song for everyone to dance too: start with the bride and groom, then have the father-ofthe-bride and motherof-the-groom cut in. You can also have the groom’s father dance with the bride and the bride’s mother dance with the groom, and even add the grandparents. Near the end of the song, ask the wedding party, then all guests, to join. Choose a Buffet: A buffet can be served more quickly than plated meals. Request that it be double-sided and/ or have more than one buffet table. Toasts: Keep toasts to just the maid of honor and best man, and/or request toasts be kept to three minutes or less—and don’t open the floor for anyone to give a toast. Let Someone Else Run Your Day: Ask a friend to do the essentials on your wedding day. Let him/ her: be in charge of your wedding day schedule; pin boutonnières and corsages; gather families and wedding party for photos and for the reception announcement; and work with the DJ to run the reception. This way, instead of being bombarded with questions on your big day, you can just enjoy it.
Bustling the Wedding Dress: Have your dress bustled at the reception while the DJ is lining up your wedding party. To save even more time, you can be announced into the reception without being bustled, have dinner, bustle your dress after you eat, and then do the first dance. Remember to have the person bustling your dress practice before the wedding day.
Christine Kelby Photography combines a documentary and photojournalistic style with tradiional and fun/romantic portraiture, while capturing all the small details that go into making your wedding day special. www.christinekelbyphotography.com.
The Greatest Wedding Celebration of All Scripture describes the Church as the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-23) and, as such, it is exciting to see the part we will one day play in God’s wondrous celebration. A look at the Hebrew wedding customs of the day gives deeper meaning to the promise that Christ gave His disciples the night before He was crucified (see John 14:1-3). Christ sought us out; through His death on the cross, He paid the price
Announcing the Wedding Party: If you plan on announcing the wedding party as they enter your reception, plan on adding about 30 minutes or more until the couple will actually enter the reception. The DJ needs to line everyone up, check on name pronunciation, get the music going, and then actually make the announcements. Giving your DJ the list of names and going over pronunciation before the wedding day will save a considerable amount of time. To save even more time, just announce the bride and groom.
required to claim us as His own. We are betrothed to Him and nothing can separate us from His love. More than that, He is currently preparing a home for us and will soon return to take us to live with Him forever. Married, single, widowed or divorced, we can all rejoice in this promise Christ has given to us! What a joy to know that regardless of what we face on earth—whether
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heartbreak or joy, prosperity or loss—we have a Bridegroom who loves us with an unwavering love and who is one day returning for us. Perhaps this is the moment that John was allowed to see in his vision and that we read about in Revelation 19:6-9: “Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: ‘Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and
be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready. … Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’” Have you allowed this Bridegroom, this Prince of Peace, to capture your heart? What better time than Easter to renew your vows to Him and look forward to one day taking part in His fantastic wedding celebration!
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinithians 13:4-8)
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