The ABC's of That Office Guy by Pia bertone-gross

The

â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s of

That Office Guy A Humorous Look at the Many Faces of Corporate America

Authored and Illustrated By Pia Bertone-Gross and Matt Rossini

PPING -PO E Y

A BS RE

The

â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s of

That Office Guy A Humorous Look at the Many Faces of Corporate America

We dedicate this book to corporate America.

Written and Illustrated by Pia Bertone-Gross and Matt Rossini All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the following email address: sales@DEFHQWHUSUL]HV.com Ordering Information: Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the email address above. Printed in the United States of America by Bridgeport National Bindery Inc., in cooperation with Silver Street Media and abcenterprizes. For more information, formats, and future editions, please visit: www.thatguybook.com

The better we are able to understand ourselves and communicate with others, the more successful we will be; business or personal. It is with this thought in mind that we, the representatives, have created these characters. Some are through personal experiences and some are stories of others; however, they all reflect how life is centered on human interactions. Our thanks to those who openhandedly contributed: Mike Barretti, Judi Lech, Brad Rossini, Seth BertoneGross, Silver Street Media, and many more... Without their help, That 2IILFH Guy would not have been possible.

In memory of James Bertone-Gross October 28, 1944-April 13, 2011 He made more contributions than he will ever know.

UPON THE CONCLUSION OF A VERY PIVOTAL BUSINESS MEETING, THE AGE OLD QUESTION WAS ASKED– What did you think of that guy?

INTRODUCTION

DISCLAIMER

The ABC’s of That Office Guy is an in-your-face communications guide to dealing with “that guy” at work. Featuring eye-popping imagery and a blunt personality, it’s sure to engage and evoke emotion out of even the shortest attention spans. With a familiar ABC’s format and frame-by-frame methodology, the use of 26 distinct adjectives are drawn on to attach the word to that guy, forcing us to stop, reflect, and address how to properly handle the unique characters of this world and to prevent them from ruining our day... or our business!

This book is not intended to be a fix-all solution to the challenges we face in dealing with difficult people. It is simply an opinon, created with the intent to directly bring to light our irrational behaviors. Prior to engaging in the implementation of said strategies, it is suggested the reader review the following: 1. Look in the mirror 2. Put yourself in that guy’s shoes. If they fit, you may be looking in the mirror ;-) 3. Ask questions before passing judgement.

In order to achieve a blueprint for success, That Office Guy is formatted by providing: Clear Definitions First Impressions Lasting Impressions Elements of Memory Recall and Recognition Supportive Character Illustrations Bulleted Identifiable Characteristics Game Plan of Helpful Tips Bite Size Content Blunt Personality

VISUAL INTRO

VISUAL INTRODUCTION

COCKSURE

DICK

Action Plan

IN STOP THE SHOWMASHIP: O Y UR FACE

Prevent the big entrance by blocking his path to the stage. Dick’s a real showman. It is up to you to make sure the show does not go on. This can be achieved by cutting off his access to the head of the table, picking up the phone to call anyone before he enters a room, and quickly dispersing when talking with coworkers so he’s not given the grand audience he so desperate ly craves.

BACKGROUND CHECK:

* * *

Enters a room ann ouncing himself 3rd person “Alrigh t guys Dick is in the We can get sta here, rted now.” Rents a sports car events calling it for tradeshows and my car Requests over-sta rching on his shir referring to it ts as “bullet proofin g.

eklis)/ Feckless /(ˈf D

DESIG NED TO K EEP Y FLIPP OU ING

: DEFINITION

g and a fumblin s disposition

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. speech, this guy dness regardless of whe the so rewarding war work can be to ease the awk es since charity d about ourselv We feel goo affairs, he his all in : Fecklesswith puzzling ineptitude es IMPRESSION which LASTING ounts and neglects critical deagdlin job, a job for he still has a er acc his slack to cov -on, it’s amazin mishandles ger han l rea n picking up ce. A yourself ofte und here!?” aro find and indifferen ice You . just unqualified there any skill “Is tely , zero olu ing abs has am is he lly scre the cup. He , while interna inches from rly grew up your own ass “gimme” two eone who clea ldn’t tap in a change som fool yourself This guy cou it. You can’t .” Try not to petitive spir ne is a winner ryo “eve and no com re rts teams whe things. playing for spo a handle on IS he will ever get into thinking ED ..

T THA GUY.

Do your homework. Dick has probably been in and out of lots of compromising positions. Don’t get caught with your pants down or Dick will be screwing you, too! So get references, lots of references.

CALL OUTS:

Are you going to listen to this? If it gets any deeper, you will need a shovel to dig out of his bullshit. Call his bluff. His heroic, self-praising fantasies are obviously not real, so call him out. Ask him questions like: Who was there? When did this happen? How did it happen again? Why, Why, Why. . . and watch him fumble with the facts.

AcActitionon PlPlanan

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we attempt With a ner vou s g him a hand, ESSION: on e team. the job. Lendin FIRST IMPR are on the sam a rookie guy has to be ther or not we

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** ** **

Action Plan

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ST ST AA YYAAW W AA FROOMM TH YYFR THEE IMAALS AANNIM LS: :

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COMF

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NS TATIO

EXPEC RAISE

TABLE OF GUYS

Dick is here! Now Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Begin...

Aberrant /(ăbˈər-ənt)/ DEFINITION:

Straying from the right or normal way; mentally disordered

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Our inner monologue says, “Hmmm, this person seems a bit off his rocker.” We may draw a hasty conclusion that our aberrant friend is distracted by a complex business challenge or is in deep contemplative thought, thus explaining his quirky mannerisms.

LASTING IMPRESSION:

Truth be told, an aberrant individual is very disturbed, quite possibly living with undiagnosed clinical insanity. We find ourselves walking on eggshells in his presence. Desperately trying not to set him off, we avoid physical contact, provoking words, and inflection of voice. His nonsensical rants about business situations are perplexing and painful to listen to. He often shouts disturbing ultimatums: “I’ll show them;” “They better watch their backs;” and, the always lovely, “I’ll burn the place down to the ground.” We do try to stay on his good side, though, just in case he snaps one day.

LET’S FACE IT, AL IS ... THAT GUY.

ABERRANT AL

Action Plan AVOID PHYSICAL GESTURES:

Do not wake a sleeping monster. Avoid physical contact at all cost and be acutely aware of personal space.

SET YOUR STOP WATCH:

* * *

Claims to understand the ly rics of song birds Believes conspiracy theories to be indisputably true Views 3D movies in 3D withou t 3D glasses

Remember the Boy Scout motto, “Be prepared.” It’s important to set a time allotment in meetings or general business dealings so as not to be trapped. Make sure you have a clear and present exit strategy.

EVERYBODY PLEASE REMAIN CALM: It is vital to remained poised.

Avoid inflections of voice, for extreme highs and lows aggravate the aberrant guy. There is always an exposed fuse—don’t be the one to light it.

Baleful /(ˈbālfəl)/ DEFINITION:

Threatening or foreshadowing evil or tragic developments; ominous; harmful or malignant in intent or effect; menacing, vindictive, deadly or sinister.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

As this guy approaches, your imagination conjures up flashes of the grim reaper wielding his scythe. Viewing his sullen and dark appearance, we assume our baleful foe may have just suffered a tragic loss. We say to ourselves, “Oh, the poor soul must be going through such a tough time.”

LASTING IMPRESSION:

There most certainly is a loss of life--not next of kin—his own. As the bearer of bad news and negativity, our baleful foe walks through business and social events casting a black cloud, prophesying spikes in unemployment, economic hardship, rising oil prices, etc. You will often observe people taking drastic, even potentially harmful measures to avoid coming in contact with this guy. Some common escape routes include: darting across busy intersections, diving head first into foreign offices and cubes, and the always effective fake phone call where you say, “Oh, yes, I’ll be right there. I understand. I’m on my way!” It actually seems logical to risk your own life than face Dr. Death!

LET’S FACE IT, BRAD IS ... THAT GUY.

BALEFUL BRAD

Action Plan COCKROACH EFFECT:

Turn on all the lights and raise the blinds. Like a cockroach, this guy is unable to handle bright lights. He needs a dark area to infest and operate.

SET THE TONE:

* * *

Predicts unpredictable before they happen natural disasters

Appears wherever tragedies coincidently, or not so coincidoccur ently Sees the world in grayscale

Establishing the tenor of meetings is critical. Use the following language: Let’s look at the positives. We’re here to be constructive and look forward. If you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say it. If you use this tact, he’ll start to decline meeting invitations or sit silently with nothing to say.

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY:

Show an unwavering, cheerful smile when interacting with him. Your positive attitude and upbeat demeanor will undermine his intentions to bring hell on earth. After several vain attempts to alter your optimism, he’ll set his sights on his next victim.

Cocksure /(ˈkäk-ˈshur)/ DEFINITION:

Feeling perfect assurance, often on inadequate grounds; marked by overconfidence or presumptuousness

FIRST IMPRESSION: On our first encounter with a cocksure fellow, we find ourselves attracted to his confidence and swagger. We say, “Wow, this is a very assertive guy; he must really know his stuff.” How naïve, right? LASTING IMPRESSION: The reality--it’s all just a big façade. This guy is aware that his shortcomings, no matter how glaring, may not see the light of day until he has a signed contract in hand. A cocksure guy preys on the innocent and the overly trusting. He almost never performs any skilled work of his own. Assigning more work to you and delegating tasks to others, he will create the ultimate smoke and mirrors show until one day you realize that you’ve been robbed and you really have nobody to blame but yourself.

LET’S FACE IT, DICK IS ... THAT GUY.

COCKSURE DICK

Action Plan STOP THE SHOWMASHIP:

BACKGROUND CHECK:

* * *

Enters a room announcing hi 3rd person “Alright guys Dicmself in the We can get started now.” k is here, Rents a sports car for trad events calling it my car eshows and Requests over-starchi on his shirts referring to it as “bngullet proofing.

CALL OUTS:

Dowdy /(ˈdaudi)/ DEFINITION:

Not stylish, drab; old-fashioned; not neat or tidy; shabby.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This poor soul must have just lost his luggage, or, wait, did his house just burn to the ground? Why else would he be so disheveled and dated? Our sympathy immediately pours out to him and we say, “Hope he gets a chance to put himself back together soon.” LASTING IMPRESSION: Sporting Z. Cavaricci pants halfway up his waist and a wrinkled dress shirt, this dowdy character looks as if he was spit out of a cyclone from another era. There is no tragic event to explain his appearance; he dresses this way by choice. But why? Doesn’t he have a mirror? Where does he find these clothes? Does he shop at a novelty store? It’s all very shocking. If he’s part of your company, make sure to conceal him from your clients so you’re not judged negatively by his dated, disorganized and unprofessional appearance.

LET’S FACE IT, DAN IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR: Try surrounding the office with mirrors, so he

can get a good look at himself and possibly straighten out his act. This can have a positive effect. However, you should be aware, due to the placement of the mirrors, he will be in your line of sight more often. Stay strong.

CONTAIN THE SPILL:

* * *

Jams his hands in hi s in front of others tucking hiss pashnt irt in May have stolen most of his clothing from a senior citizen com munity Watermarks office paperwor some sort of questionable flk with uid stain

Minimize or, if possible, eliminate his workspace. By doing so, you will be able to effectively contain the corroding effect he has on the office. Require that all his work be sent electronically so coworkers will not have to worry about receiving work with a bodily fluid containing a possibly harmful disease.

ISSUE CORPORATE UNIFORMS:

Suggest to Senior Management that the company would have a lot to gain by requiring employees to wear corporate branded clothing. Although somewhat utilitarian and boring, it would be worth it to sacrifice some of your personal freedom to avert seeing his dreadfulness.

Effete /(iˈfēt)/ DEFINITION:

Affected, over refined, and ineffectual; having lost forcefulness, courage, or spirit.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Noticing the prim and proper traits of our effete friend, it’s common to bestow upon him a status of great accomplishment and reverence. A fine dresser, his physical appearance compliments his king’s tongue. “Wow,” we say, “here’s a success story, I’m sure he can propel us forward.” LASTING IMPRESSION:

Well, unfortunately, if you were primed to attain some great wisdom or inspiration, keep looking. This high horseman cashed in his chips long ago. He rests on his laurels like a Roman Senator eating grapes from the vine and wailing about the peasant class. When presented with a business challenge, he stares back at others with guile and contempt for the mere suggestion that he would exert effort. This pretentious fool is just another empty suit dressing the part and serving no purpose.

LET’S FACE IT, EVAN IS ... THAT GUY.

EFFETE EVAN

Action Plan JUST SAY NO:

You have your own work to do and goals to meet, so do not add his responsibilities to your list. Make sure you turn down all of his attempts to pass the buck and don’t be fooled by his clever ruses to volunteer you for assignments. Ask him the question, “Tell me, what exactly are you going to do to contribute to the team?"

THE FRONT LINE:

* * *

Inexplicably gets others to do his work and then mockingly crit iques them Is not reachable when the go tough he’s just going go ing gets ing gone Incessantly corrects your sp eech and grammar

Force him to fight on the front line. Capitalize on his self-absorbed claims of accomplishment. Let him know that he is solely responsible to complete the assignments he has been given and assure him that given his acclaimed track record he will have no problems completing the work on his own.

SEND HIM TO STEERAGE:

Make him roll up his sleeves and dig some ditches. Forcing him to perform manual labor will either break him or could possibly wake him from his pretentious pandering around the office.

Feckless /(ˈfeklis)/ DEFINITION:

Ineffective; incompetent; futile; having no sense of responsibility; indifferent; lazy

FIRST IMPRESSION:

With a nervous disposition and a fumbling speech, this guy has to be a rookie on the job. Lending him a hand, we attempt to ease the awkwardness regardless of whether or not we are on the same team. We feel good about ourselves since charity work can be so rewarding.

LASTING

IMPRESSION: Feckless in all his affairs, he mishandles accounts and neglects critical deadlines with puzzling ineptitude and indifference. A real hanger-on, it’s amazing he still has a job, a job for which he is absolutely unqualified. You find yourself often picking up his slack to cover your own ass, while internally screaming, “Is there any justice around here!?” This guy couldn’t tap in a “gimme” two inches from the cup. He has zero skill and no competitive spirit. You can’t change someone who clearly grew up playing for sports teams where “everyone is a winner.” Try not to fool yourself into thinking he will ever get a handle on things. FR

THAT GU

CE IT, FA

...

T ’S

I ED S

FECKLESS FRED

Action Plan THERE ARE SIGNS EVERYWHERE: Constructing an elaborate system

of reminders may help him to stay on task: calendar events, action item updates and, hell, why not throw together a big old sign basically saying, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Do your job!â&#x20AC;?

POINT TO THE SCOREBOARD:

* * *

Somehow screws up repeat bu siness that involves almost no effort. Asks for an extension on a has already passed and a cusdeadline after it tomer has been lost Falls flat on his face in fa opportunities to redeem him ilure When given self,

By implementing a simple scoring system showing work load and accomplishments, you will be able to clearly see the futility of his work. Hopefully management will see it as well.

WORK HIM OUT:

Rather than carrying the dead weight, see if you can work him out of the company. Not in a malicious way, just assign work to more competent workers and then when he is left with nothing to do, it should be obvious that he is no longer relevant.

Gauche /(ˈgōsh)/ DEFINITION:

Lacking social grace, sensitivity, or acuteness; awkward; crude, tactless; inept, clumsy, coarse, gross, uncouth

FIRST IMPRESSION: Well, we have all done it, that is, made an ill-timed, inappropriate comment that carries with it a truly unintended meaning. So we pass off his awkward remarks with an air of compassion and understanding, saying to ourselves, “He must not be aware of the situation, so we should probably key him in on what’s going on to avoid this from happening again.” LASTING IMPRESSION: In front of several others, the gauche guy at the office will ask a woman who has put on some extra weight, “Wow, are you pregnant?" He will say to a coworker who everyone knows has an eating disorder, “Hey, you should probably eat something. That will make you feel better. It always works for me.” When the awkwardness is explained to him, he feels absolutely no regret or remorse for his actions. He just cracks an ear to ear smile and moves on to his next innocent victim.

LET’S FACE IT, GREG IS ... THAT GUY.

GAUCHE GREG

Action Plan GIVE HIM A TASTE:

See how he handles a taste of his own medicine. He may be oblivious to his own shortcomings and unaffected by things in his life that others would deem as sensitive. It’s worth a shot to see if he could possibly learn a lesson. Try not to make this about revenge or spite.

AVOID ALTERCATIONS:

It is probably a good idea to keep him away from others, especially customers. Scheduling important events during his vacation time may effectively eradicate potentially harmful situations.

* * *

Announces a shockingly inappr opriate toast at a company event Broadcasts uncomfortable perso about others around the offi nal information ce Points out to potential custo of the competition without mers the strengths of why his company has a beproviding examples tter solution

FEED HIM FACTS:

Give him every detail and fact about coworkers so everything is out in the open, no stone left unturned. This may be tricky due to HR policies, but let’s face it, everyone would probably prefer exposing all of their personal information as an alternative to dealing with uncomfortable situations. By exposing what would typically be his ammunition, you’re disarming him and making him irrelevant.

Haughty /(ˈhȯ-tē, ˈhä-)/ DEFINITION:

Disdainfully proud, snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious

FIRST IMPRESSION: Somewhat mystified by his steadfast opposition to the facts presented, we cannot grasp his irrational behavior. We determine his off-the-wall attitude must be the result of extreme stress. After he storms out of the room, we lean over to another unassuming bystander and say, “The poor guy, he must be going through a lot.” LASTING IMPRESSION:

Our initial prognosis is so gratuitous we are appalled when we look back at our misconceptions. He really is a haughty bastard. He claims that he is not always right but at the same time he is never wrong. Taking his position of authority as a claim to absolute power, he will force his will, no matter how injurious it may be, on a business. He will often lead a company off a cliff just to get his way. His facial expression and terse words boil your blood. As much of a pacifist as you may be, part of you wants to bury the prick.

LET’S FACE IT, HANK IS ... THAT GUY.

HAUGHTY HANK

Action Plan NARROW THE AGENDA:

Properly set the stage for a meeting or discussion. If you need to address a specific issue, make everyone aware that you will be sticking to the topic at hand, and if other issues come up, they will be tabled for a later discussion.

BACK DOWN TO EARTH: Take advantage of opportunities

* * *

Requires irrefutable evidenc irrational ideas and plans e to disprove his Has a paper Burger King cro wn stashed in his office draw

Launches an assault to defe issues completely unrelated nd himself by raising to the matter at hand

to bring him back down to earth. Lay out all the facts on paper; it must be in black and white. Be sure to cite examples of how his actions are destroying your business and cannot be tolerated.

PUT HIM IN TIMEOUT:

You are doing your business a disservice if you allow him to rant on and on. So, put a stop to it. If he decides to act like a child, then treat him like a child. Excuse him from meetings and, by all means, do not fuel his fire by dignifying him with responses.

Irascible /(i-ˈra-sə-bəl)/ DEFINITION:

Easily provoked to anger, marked by hot temper

FIRST IMPRESSION: Witnessing an unprovoked rant we say to ourselves, “dear God where the hell did that come from.” We draw the conclusions that he is possibly going through some tough times at home or that he may have been dealt some troubling news about the business.” Why else would he get so worked up over mundane details? LASTING IMPRESSION: Erupting like a massive volcano, this irascible hot head lashes out over the slightest agitation. It’s beyond dramatic; it’s borderline psychotic. His irrepressible temper makes everyone uncomfortable. Meetings concerning an unfavorable subject such as loss of profits or poor quality results will inevitably turn into a real shit show with multiple outbursts. Just as with a horrendous storm, you had best take cover and ride it out because any attempts to dissuade him from launching into a rant is futile. He’s been known to frighten small children and reduce female coworkers to tears. At the end of one of his blackout scream fests, he’ll expect others to carry on as if nothing even happened. It’s shocking!

LET’S FACE IT, IVAN IS ... THAT GUY.

IRASCIBLE IVAN

Action Plan FORCE HIM TO PLAY NICE:

You may find yourself saying, “Really, are we in nursery school? Do we actually have to lay out the rules to include no screaming?” Well, yes, you do. If you are sick and tired of his outlandish behavior in meetings, then put a stop to it.

FIRE AND ICE:

* * *

Can be heard throughout a building from a closed door meeting Catches a glimpse of some story and starts shouting disparaging news personally affecting him as if it’s actually Reduces young waitresses to tears over the slightest mistake

Kill him with kindness. When he lashes out, calmly ask him what’s wrong. You may be able to douse his hot flames and point out that cooler heads can prevail.

SHUT HIM OUT:

When you see him walking towards a meeting in progress, acknowledge him and quickly close the door. By doing this, you’re saying to him, “Yes, that’s right. We are having a meeting and you and your childish temper are not invited.”

Jejune /(jiˈjoon)/ DEFINITION:

Juvenile, immature, childish; lacking knowledge or experience; naïve, simplistic; superficial

FIRST IMPRESSION: Judging his overreaction, we assume there is a lot at play here. Maybe there is a culture of finger pointing or he has been made a scapegoat in the past so he has to be defensive. Our inner monologue says, “Man, there really must be a terrible organizational culture here to cause people to act out like this.” LASTING IMPRESSION: He is not being made a scapegoat; he’s just a real horse’s ass. Acting like a child playing in a sandbox, this guy is quick to blame others. He muddies situations with elementary comments and unproductive debate. When given the responsibility to handle even a remedial business task, he will kick and scream about the task for more time than it takes to actually accomplish the task. We are often left pondering the state of mankind when we’re in his presence, thinking aloud, “Really, is this what we’ve become? Has evolution been put in reverse?”

LET’S FACE IT, JOE IS ... THAT GUY.

JEJUNE JOE

Action Plan GROW UP:

You are thinking it, so maybe you should just say it. Instead of sitting through another one of his sophomoric stories, put an end to it and let him know he is acting like a child. If he acts like a child, then he probably needs to be treated as one.

SPECIAL EDUCATION:

* * *

Runs around the lack of success office boasting of coworkers’ Points out non-im tion for his correpactctionfusl typos and seeks recogniIs the father at league games yelling at children for makinglitmitlestak es

Since he is lacking adult social and communication skills, send him off to professional behavioral training. If he wasn’t able to grasp basic principles of how to treat others in kindergarten, then maybe he’ll get it the second go around.

BUDDY SYSTEM:

Sometimes sitting him down and addressing his behavior with a coworker will be the most productive. Take a page from books on how to be good parents. Don’t be surprised if your associates are in utter disbelief that you actually have to go there, but assure them if it works for children, it should work for this adult man-child.

Kitschy /(ˈkich e)/ DEFINITION:

Of, being or characterized by vulgarity; demonstrating pretentious bad taste; appealing to popular or lowbrow taste; poor quality; tacky

FIRST IMPRESSION: Smarting at his comments, our inner monologue provides him with a free pass by saying, “Now that was a bit of a sophomoric comment that he just made, but I guess some lighthearted, kitschy humor isn’t so bad every once in a while to lighten things up.” LASTING IMPRESSION: Oh, brother, with one immature jab after another, this guy brings his elementary school experience of teasing and name calling to his adult life. He is notorious for being that guy in the meeting that points the finger at a coworker when a mistake is made. A tattler, he will run around the office telling everyone about a simple oversight someone made as if it should serve as just cause for wholesale condemnation. You really wish you could put him in a permanent time out for his ridiculous behavior. He exhibits many of the same behaviors as Jejune Joe, but, unlike Joe, he is more mature. He views his whimsical behaviors as endearing and fun, whereas, in reality, they are annoying and unwanted.

LET’S FACE IT, KARL IS ... THAT GUY.

KITSCHY KARL

Action Plan NURSERY SCHOOL:

Reference lesson plans from a nursery school. There may be some helpful instruction on how to deal with a big baby.

PEER PERFORMANCE REVIEW:

* * *

Watches reruns of th ooges for inspiration for the woerk3weSt ek Accuses children of childish, unsophisticated humor Plays office pranks on peop le that nobody laughs at or enjoys.

This may have the power to kill. He canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t not accept blame or take responsibility for his behaviors, so setting a meeting strictly on reviewing his performance should put him in his place.

SET SOME RULES:

Put an end to finger pointing, back stabbing and name calling. It seems ridiculous that a business has to go there, but letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face it, how many business environments are truly mature places?

Lascivious /(luh-siv-ee-uhs)/ DEFINITION:

Inclined to wanton or lustful behavior

FIRST IMPRESSION: Letting him off the hook for his off-color comment about an attractive business associate, we determine he had a temporary lapse in sound judgment and proper couth. We say, “Oh, he didn’t mean to be so lewd and lascivious; it was just a slip of the tongue.” LASTING IMPRESSION:

A slip of the tongue is his exact intention. This excessively virile guy brings sex into all of his affairs, spending most of the workday lusting for office affairs. Like a teenage boy in puberty, he degrades his female coworkers to other men in the office. Not only are his comments grossly inappropriate, they pretty much disgust you to the point of nausea. He has a real craft for making everyone in a room feel uncomfortable. It’s not a matter of whether or not he’ll make a sexually charged comment, it’s just a matter of when and to what degree.

LET’S FACE IT, LOU IS ... THAT GUY.

LASCIVIOUS LOU

Action Plan STRAIGHT SALTPETER DIET:

Although tainting his food is a bit controversial, a straight saltpeter diet may be a good antidote to his out of control sex drive. Saltpeter was used to control seamen traveling from port to port, so why not try it at the office.

POINT OUT HIS INDISCRETION:

* * *

Runs a provocative swimsuit photo shoot as his screensaver Has been known to dr around a female co-wooprkerthings “accidentally Has been spotted in his neig binoculars and falling out of hborhood using trees

Do not let his lascivious comments go unchecked. Point out the company’s sexual harassment policies frequently. Make him sign an acknowledgment of the policy weekly and you may want to put him charge of communicating the policies in meetings. A public decree of his indiscretions may serve as a productive form of contrition.

24/7 LOCKDOWN:

If he’s incapable of dealing appropriately with the opposite sex, then keep him out of co-ed meetings and events. This may be difficult, but it will probably facilitate a more productive business environment.

Mendacious /(men-dey-shuhs)/ DEFINITION:

Lying, especially habitually; dishonest; untruthful

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Although our subconscious throws up a red flag surrounding this guy’s credibility, we ignore our instincts and assume he is being open and honest. We may say to an associate who also seems skeptical, “He has to be telling the truth; he has no motivation to lie, right?”

LASTING IMPRESSION: What a mistake! We should have acted on our gut and questioned his integrity right out of the gate. This mendacious character always has an answer to any question, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong. He abhors the idea of ever looking ignorant, so he will just propagate one lie after another. When caught in a string of lies, he will rapidly produce more lies to cover his lies. This guy obviously can’t handle the truth.

LET’S FACE IT, MIKE IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan PUT IT IN WRITING:

Most compulsive liars will do anything to cover their tracks, so make him document his work so you have evidence of his transgressions. He will scheme to evade documenting his work. You must stand your ground on this requirement or be prepared to accept the consequences.

SECOND OPINION:

* * *

Starts conversations off wi trust me” or “Believe me.” th “You can Claims to have beaten a lie detector test although he’s never actu ally taken one Enjoys telling the same stor y over and over again, changing th e details each time

Lives can be saved by seeking a second opinion, so can your business. Test the validity of his knowledge by consulting a trusted source. Do not accept any information from him as absolute truth for doing so you’re potentially opening yourself up to unmanageable predicaments.

STAND UP:

Do not be passive in the face of his lies. You know everyone else in the room feels the same way. Expose him for what he is, or you can just roll over and accept defeat.

Nefarious /(niˈfe(ə)rēəs)/ DEFINITION:

Bad, sinful, base; corrupt, degenerate, criminal

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Something isn’t sitting right. Our scruples are warning us that this may be a guy to keep an eye on, and then we say to ourselves, “Give him a chance, I’m sure he’s a good guy.”

LASTING IMPRESSION:

So our hesitation and doubt were not only warranted, we were right on the money. Giving this guy a chance, we have put our business livelihood in great peril. The aim of a nefarious guy is to manipulate and to inflict his selfish desires, viciously spreading a plague throughout an organization. A common term used in his aftermath is damage control. His goal is to pull off the ultimate heist, draining all of your company’s resources and then disappearing off the map for good.

LET’S FACE IT, NICK IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan CALL IN MIRANDA:

Let him know that he has the right to remain silent. Anything he says can and will be used against him with HR present. He has the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. However, if he cannot afford a lawyer, one of our lovely HR assistants will be provided for him at his expense. So good luck ;-)

BACKGROUND CHECK:

* * *

Speaks glowingly of bank ro bbers that are on the lose Eerily appears around open crime scenes Enthusiastically supports be ing dishonest with customers

It may be a good idea to see if you can dig up a little dirt on him. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be too surprised at what you find. Request references. Although former associates may not be able to legally state any facts about their experiences with him, their mere tone should serve as a harbinger of what may come.

RUN AN EXPERIMENT:

A bit controversial, but test his nefarious nature by laying a trap for him. If heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really ill-willed, he will not be able to resist his temptation to steal or create havoc. Security cameras can be very revealing.

Otiose /(oh-shee-ohs, oh-tee-)/ DEFINITION:

Being at leisure, idle, indolent; ineffective or futile; superfluous; lazy; having or showing a disposition to avoid exertion.

FIRST IMPRESSION: At first, we view this fellow’s efforts as a bit half-hearted. Trying not to pass judgment on him, we stay positive and assume he was just given the assignment or maybe the guy is just overburdened with a heavy workload. We assure him with encouraging words, “Don’t worry, you’ll get there.” LASTING IMPRESSION: Drifting through life, the otiose fellow brings his D-game to all of his affairs. Forget half-hearted, you are left searching for a pulse. It’s as though he has adopted the bell curve to rationalize his laziness. Determining that no matter how much effort he exerts, that everything will pretty much even out in the end. When taking a step back to look at the value he has added, we realize that if he was gone tomorrow, there would be no setbacks, no deadlines compromised and no lost sleep. The dead weight would be shed.

LET’S FACE IT, OLIVER IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan SET HIM IN MOTION:

An object at rest tends to stay at restâ&#x20AC;Ś Unless kicked in the ass! Counteract his laziness by forcing him to exert some physical activity and make it clear he cannot pass his assignment off on another. Do not let him pass the buck. Make it unambiguous you expect him to deliver the goods personally to the end destination.

RAISE EXPECTATIONS:

* * *

Circles a parking lot 10 tim closer to the front entrancees to get

If you do not establish expectations, then you can expect half-measures, so raise the bar and force him to step up his game. There are many helpful books out there on how to measure performance. Use them!

feet

Turns his co-workers into pe he can keep his butt parkedrsonal couriers so at his desk Disappears like a magician wh en it comes time to assign projects.

COMFORT ZONE:

He lives in a comfort zone, so disturb his comforts by altering his schedule and rotating his assignments. Keeping him on his toes may encourage him to get off his backside and get things done.

Pedantic [puh-dan-tik] [puh...damn-dick!] DEFINITION:

Narrowly and often ostentatiously learned; one who parades learning; unduly emphasizing minutiae in the presentation of knowledge; unimaginative

FIRST IMPRESSION: As he quotes from the latest hot business book, you think, “Wow, this guy is pretty smart. He certainly has command of the facts. It even sounds like he knows the author personally.” [Key Phrase: sounds like] If you are gullible enough, you may even invite him to a dinner party because you think he can carry a conversation, but you may be asking for it—in spades. Be prepared for your future parties to be sparsely populated. LASTING IMPRESSION: Turns out this guy is a veritable tar pit of worthless information. Unless, of course, you’re actually really interested in the innumerable and arcane ways to decant that after dinner port you foolishly decided to serve. NEVER ask this guy what time it is. Eventually the energy saving light bulb in your head gets to full brightness and you realize he loves to parade his knowledge in a group, if only to make himself feel superior.

LET’S FACE IT, “PIERRE” IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan PLAY THE GAME:

Be honest, sometimes it can be fun to play along and try to get a rise out of Peter . . . sorry, Pierre. Don’t be afraid not to acknowledge the correct . . . incorrect . . . way to address him.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER:

* * *

Goes by Pierre rather than his given name Peter Was voted most likely to be on Jeopardy and lose!

May wear Brooks Brothers clo speak with a slightly nasal thing or accent

Set on not letting him take the cake? Educate yourself on a particular subject to the point where he simply cannot compete and he will never seek you out again . . . EVER.

STAY AWAY FROM THE ANIMALS: Don’t engage this guy in a conversation

if you’re on your way to the gents (or ladies) room—you will end up embarrassing yourself.

Quixotic /(kwik-sot-ik)/ DEFINITION:

Possessing or acting with the desire to do noble and romantic deeds, without thought of realism or practicality.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

“What a dreamer.” We acclaim his fantastic sense of imagination. Of course, we know his fairy tale plans are nothing more than a fun escape from the brick and mortar process of growing a business. He would never believe in such fallacious scenarios, would he?

LASTING IMPRESSION:

Not only are his quixotic words just a playful thought, they are really the mainspring of his perception of the world and business opportunities as a whole. Combining ignorance, lack of commonsense and just foolhardy thinking, he professes his grandiose plans for success, calling upon numerous examples of phenomenon to prophesize, “Hey, anything is possible.” This is very common thinking among fatally flawed entrepreneurs; they are a dime a dozen. They honestly believe that their success is tied to the cosmetic aligning of stars.

LET’S FACE IT, QUINN IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan LIGHTNING 101:

Since he believes in one-in-amillion, ask him if he would be willing to be the one person, standing in an open field, with his feet submerged in an isolated puddle of water, next to the sole tree around. He lives in the clouds, so ground him with a dose of reality. Nobody can dispute cold hard facts. Statistics will provide sound evidence of what can and will happen.

INTERVENTION TIME:

* * *

Cites one-in-a-million sound formula for succsuesccsess stories a Plans on how he will spend hi while he can’t pay his mort s fortune gage Claims fictitious characters sources of inspiration and reto be his as his personal business coa fers to them ches

If you’re not in a position to squash his fantasies, schedule an intervention. Do not go it alone. It really is sad that you have to go to your peers to conduct an intervention, but it may be the path of least resistance. You and your coworkers together stand a better chance of squashing his schemes that are destined to fail.

RISK VS. REWARD EXERCISES:

Make him see how his romantic illusions for success are dangerous and not an option. Try not to complicate this process. Show him a pros and cons list. In dire situations, don’t be afraid to include bankruptcy on your list of cons to really drive home the potential worst case scenario.

Raffish /(ˈra-fish)/ DEFINITION:

Marked by or suggestive of flashy vulgarity or crudeness

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Giving him a free pass for mistakenly pulling from his bag a wildly inappropriate magazine during a meeting, we chuckle inside and say under our breath, “Wow, how embarrassing, I’d be humiliated if I did something like that.”

LASTING IMPRESSION: Shockingly, there was no mistake when he flashed his sexually explicit magazine. This raffish fellow strategically looks for opportunities to bring his vile imagination to life. Whether unveiling a dirty magazine, making grossly inappropriate comments about a coworker or ostentatiously parking his car for all to see his lewd and lascivious bumper stickers, he clamors for attention. In addition to being a Human Resource nightmare, he serves as a road block to having productive meetings and to the effectiveness of group assignments. He’s a real eyesore.

LET’S FACE IT, RON IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan PEAS IN A POD:

Reference the guide on dealing with Lascivious Lou. They have very similar tendencies, so by all means utilize the same strategies. Sometimes there’s no need to reinvent the wheel.

WANT-TO-BE:

* * *

Points out peep shows and ad ult en ment clubs as though th ey are famous lantedmrtarain ks Drives a car with a neon pa int job and offensive vanity plate During brainstorm meeting s suggests tasteless approaches to reacing hin g ne w cus scandalous beer commercials tomers citing as his inspiration

Unlike Lou, Ron is more of a want-to-be. In fact, Ron looks to Lou as somewhat of a mentor. It’s all a big show, so don’t hesitate to call him out on his grotesque appearance and action. He will tend to cower a bit. By exposing his insecurity, you may be able to put a stop to his indecent proposals.

TAKE OUT THE TRASH:

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the word “rafﬁsh”, long story short, was derived from “rubbish”, and previously, “riffraff”. You can take it from here . . .

Sardonic /(sär-ˈdä-nik)/ DEFINITION:

Grimly mocking or cynical; disdainfully or skeptically humorous; characterized by bitter or scornful derision.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Snapping back a snide remark in light of encouraging news, we’re shocked by his cynicism. We assume that he’s been burned in the past and we say to another peer, “He’s probably just being cautious.”

LASTING IMPRESSION:

He is not being cautious; he’s just being himself, a pessimistic, scornful SOB. His facial expressions most often resemble someone who has just taken a monstrous bite out of a bitter piece of fruit. His sardonic behavior is so predictable. We instinctively await his spiteful comments in a meeting, for as he explains that every positive reaction will always have an equal negative reaction somewhere, you’re left wondering what crawled up this guy’s ass.

LET’S FACE IT, SAM IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan STICK WITH THE POSITIVES: Force him to coordinate meetings and report on only the positives. Let him know someone else will look at the negatives for a change.

CATALYZE

* thReefesarslesto pipthede recomampanyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sales pipeline as * arCeelebperarsteonsalotachecomrs plifashilumerentss as though they When referring to his Magi lan * ds on one phrase: OutlookcNo8t baSoll Goitod.always

CHANGE:

Start a required community service program at work. Forcing him to be charitable to the less fortunate may produce a profound change in his attitude. It may take time away from the office, but this type of psychic change should produce more results in the long run.

EMBRACE HIM:

Make him aware of how his skill set may best be put to work. If you have a Q & A position available, this may be a good suggestion for a career change.

Turgid /(ˈtərjid)/ DEFINITION:

Tediously pompous or bombastic

FIRST IMPRESSION: Checking the clock, growing a little tired of his long-winded presentation, we say to ourselves, “maybe I shouldn’t be so impatient. He has emphasized his credentials multiple times, so he’s probably worth listening to.” We decide to hang in there. LASTING IMPRESSION: After watching a documentary on water-boarding, we’re pretty sure we’d test our fate with torture over having to sit through another never ending monologue by this self-absorbed soul. A turgid man, he lives for the spotlight. Clamoring for an opportunity to speak, he expects everyone to recognize his accomplishments and applaud his presence. More often than not, he misses what others have to say in meetings because he’s planning his next prophetic statement. He relishes the sound of his voice and dismisses contributions of others as being irrelevant and insignificant.

LET’S FACE IT, TOM IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan SET THE TIMER:

Clearly communicate time allotments. Set the agenda and time constraints to prevent Tom from going on and on . . . and on. If necessary, appoint an emergency time monitor from outside the meeting to keep the in-room morale in line and on track.

TIME IS MONEY:

* * *

Enjoys taking in a day lon g legislative filibuster Volunteers for speaki occupy his free time ng engagements to Records his speeches and lis tens to them with great enjoyment.

Set word counts on his assignments and make him get to the point. Let him know that time is money and that when he goes on and on, he is wasting precious company resources. Put an actual dollar figure on the waste and share it with him and others, not to make a spectacle of him, but to prove a point that waste will not be tolerated.

STATE THE OBVIOUS:

Nicely let him know that there is an unattractive excess of verbiage dribbling from his corner of the room, and you, as well as the rest of the group, would appreciate a cap in future interactions.

Uxorious /(uhk-sawr-ee-uhs)/ DEFINITION:

Doting upon, foolishly fond of, or affectionately submissive toward one’s wife

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Hearing the affection for his wife was very charming, yet a bit strange given the reference in a business meeting. We say to ourselves, “Wow, he really loves his wife, how endearing. Maybe it’s their anniversary or her birthday, so she’s in the forefront of his thoughts today.”

LASTING IMPRESSION:

Ok, we know who wears the pants in his family, and it’s not him. This guy lives his life by his wife’s direction. Talking about her incessantly, he subjects his coworkers to one mind-numbing story after another about every aspect of his wife’s life. When the guys go out for a drink after work, he races home to see his life partner and to serve her every beck and call. You can say it, it’s beyond nauseating.

Y L IL

LET’S FACE IT, ULYSSES IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan PROPERTY RIGHTS:

Set some rules around the office governing personal effects. This will force him to dismantle the shrine to his wife. It makes others feel uncomfortable, so it needs to be addressed.

SIT UBU. SIT. GOOD DOG:

* * *

Sports t-shirts with s wi fe’s face plastered on the fronhi t of it Loves reading self-help books on how to be a better partner Proudly holds his wife’s pu rse in public places

Hey, if it works for his wife, might as well try it on yourself. There’s a chance you may have just acquired a new “assistant”, free of charge. Just be careful not to cross the line by accidentally obtaining the otiose nature of Oliver in the process.

CHECK WITH #1:

This may backfire, but it may be worth the roll of the dice to see if it works. See if his wife is okay with all of this attention. Invite her into the office and share with her all of the details he’s shared with you and others about their personal lives. She may object to his behavior and reprimand him for his actions, making it easier to shut him up the next time he opens his mouth about her.

Vitriolic /(vi-trē-ˈä-lik)/ DEFINITION:

Spiteful, hurtful; bitter; malicious

FIRST IMPRESSION: As we observe him verbally attacking his coworker, initially we assume there must be a valid reason for him being so nasty. We say to someone nearby, “Do you know what infuriated him to cause him to act so brash and wicked?” LASTING IMPRESSION: Recognizing his true nature, we find that we have a real scorpion on our hands. He is always ready to strike his prey with venomous words and actions. Our vitriolic foe has no understanding of the concept of constructive criticism. You really get the sense that his goal is to rip others to shreds and belittle them to no end. He is a cancer to a business, tearing down productivity and killing any positive vibes. You often find yourself looking over your shoulder to make sure you are not exposed to his attacks.

LET’S FACE IT, VICTOR IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan TEAM BUILDING:

Conduct some team building exercises. Force him to be responsible for an associateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s physical safety and vice versa, especially the activity of catching a falling person. Make him learn about his coworkers and constructively share the positive things he learns about them.

CULTURE SHOCK:

* * *

Neglects to warn a cow hazardous situations orker of potentially Enjoys being a witness to a death row execution Celebrates others misfortu nes with resounding cheers

Taking him through the exercise of redefining your corporate culture may produce a much needed change in his behavior. If not, he will at least discover why he may soon be out of a job.

ZERO TOLERANCE:

Put a stop to his name calling and belittling of coworkers. Squash his verbal abuse as soon as he opens his mouth. Clearly state that his actions will not be tolerated and write him up. He needs to know there are consequences for his actions.

Wanchancy /(wänˈchan(t)sē)/ DEFINITION:

Unlucky; dangerously risky

FIRST IMPRESSION:

We admire his daring move and say to ourselves, “Now, there’s a real risk taker, it really takes some balls to go out on a limb like that.” Although we respect his leap of faith, we assure ourselves and say, “He can’t possibly act like this all the time.”

LASTING IMPRESSION: Given the amount of times he takes a risk, it’s not balls that he exhibits, it is just a lack of sound judgment. Hedging his entire bet on a long-shot, he acts like a compulsive gambler looking to win everything back all at once. His wanchancy ways defy proven methods of success and usually end in significant losses. When building a plan and evaluating risk vs. reward scenarios, he’ll always lobby for the most risk filled, lofty option. He’s not ignorant, he just can’t help himself.

LET’S FACE IT, WALTER IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan PUT A BLUEPRINT IN BLACK AND WHITE:

Every successful business should operate with a strategy. Take away his appetite for risk by making him spell out a well formulated plan and force him to share it with others. Make him commit to the plan, so youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not open to his addictive impulses.

HEDGE YOUR BETS:

* * *

Claims to have the wi and starts planning hinns inregtilottery ticket rement every Friday afternoon Has been seen flippin vital corporate decisiong a coin to make a Dismantles the safety on all his power tools

Knowing he is willing to let his fortunes ride on a nearly unstoppable whim, you may want to hedge your livelihood on something more stable. Take action or be prepared to accept the consequences of remaining on board with a reckless captain.

POINT TO THE RECORD: Like any

gambler, he must have his fair share of losses, so point them out and use them as evidence of what not to do in the future. Financials need to be used to quantify the grave nature of his miscalculations and out of control wagering. Results, results, results!

Xenial /(ˈziːnɪəl)/ DEFINITION:

Of or concerning hospitality towards guests, helping others

FIRST IMPRESSION:

We are stunned by this man’s willingness to help us out. We say to ourselves, “What a kindhearted man, there is hope for humanity.” Even though we’re more than capable of completing the work, we welcome the opportunity for collaboration to get to know our new genial friend.

LASTING IMPRESSION:

Okay, there is such a thing as being too nice, too courteous, and too much. Excessively xenial, this chap can be a bit overbearing, like a mother that must defend her child to the point of humiliation. You know the one that runs onto a sports field to cradle her son at the slightest bit of contact as though he could die from the minor incident. You may often find yourself saying to him, “No, I’ve got it. I appreciate the offer, but I do not need your help.” He believes every project should be done as a team project. He honestly can’t help himself; he needs you more than you don’t need him!

LET’S FACE IT, XAVIOR IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan CONSTRUCT A FORTRESS:

Build obstructions to your office or cubicle so he cannot invade your personal workspace. Turn your computer monitor so he is not able to see what you are doing. If you have an office, lock the door and keep him out. Do not look back; like a puppy, he will continue to follow until ignored.

EXILE HIM:

* * *

Holds the door open fo ft y people when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re already runninrg fi late for a meeting Literally gives the shirt of f of his back to strangers Sends a welcome back messag e to someone who took a day off

He may be a very valuable asset to your company if you can get him to focus on his own work, so set him up in an environment that will allow him to focus. This will most likely mean exiling him to a remote part of your office building and investing capital into the constructing of a new office.

FLIGHT RISK:

Give him a responsibility, like receiving packages, to force him to stay put or heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be an immediate flight risk. Make it clear that you need him to stay in his office for the good of the company. The delivery guys will probably welcome his help lifting and moving packages, so, as an added benefit, your logistics service should improve.

Yeasty /(ˈyēstē)/ DEFINITION:

Characterized by or producing upheaval or agitation; in a state of turbulence; restless, causing unrest; full of exuberance

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Under our breath, we say, “Well, his actions seem a bit unnecessary and counterproductive, but I’m sure his heart is in the right place.” We determine that the workplace stress has him a bit scatterbrain and anxiety-ridden.

LASTING IMPRESSION:

Like a great composer orchestrating a complex symphony, this yeasty guy aims for an elaborate production, but, instead of producing harmonious music, he creates chaos and disorder. When everyone is working to meet a crucial deadline, he is the anchor hindering progress. He stirs up his coworkers by adding complexity to a situation through creating a web of crossed signals and unneeded panic. Someone will typically shout out, “Why the hell is everyone so worked up?” Then the spotlight will turn to our yeasty guy and all his coworkers will be left shaking their heads in disapproval and shame that he got to them again.

LET’S FACE IT, YALE IS ... THAT GUY.

YEASTY YALE

Action Plan DON’T CRY WOLF:

Openly share with him the repercussions of his actions. Equate his agitation of his coworkers to the childhood story of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” Make him realize that after a period of time people no longer take him seriously and that, as a result, in a time of need his thoughts may be discredited and dismissed.

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP:

* * *

Creates puzzling virus the office computer system by acescidon ent Has been arrested for incit ing a riot multiple times Spends his weekend working on and living in his panic room

He can be a very productive asset to your organization if it weren’t for his hysterical outbursts. His situation may be based on a genuine psychological condition. There are all sorts of medications that psychiatrists prescribe for anxiety; maybe one will work for him and thus benefit your business. You could use the relief!

REMOTE ACCESS:

With the rapid breakthroughs in technology and communication, working remotely has become a common and, in some cases, a more effective way of managing people. Instead of losing a valuable resource, give some consideration to having him work from home so he’s more productive and less disruptive.

Zooty /(zoo-tee)/ DEFINITION:

Extreme or flamboyant in style or appearance; flashy, ostentatious, showy; strikingly bold or brilliant

FIRST IMPRESSION: Sporting a blinding neon shirt, skin tight pants and a rock hard gelled bouffant, this fellow sure adds a lot of brilliance to the room. We feel an infectious vitality emanating from him. LASTING IMPRESSION:

His brilliance is only displayed through the intensity of his outward appearance, not his intellect. Peeling back the flashy exterior, we are left with very little substance. This zoot-suiter resembles a cartoon character, surreal and really out of place. He can make an avant-garde style look almost conservative. His work is all flash with no substance. He usually decorates his workspace to resemble a seating area at a swanky nightclub. The most common question you are asked about him is, “Hey, honestly, what is that guy’s deal? Is he serious? Who hired him anyway?”

LET’S FACE IT, ZAQ IS ... THAT GUY.

Action Plan ALL ABOUT SUBSTANCE:

Try to get through to him. Explain that business, like life, involves much more than outward appearances. It involves the substance of the work that he is able to produce. Openly share with him the lack of substance in his work and help him to set goals and expectations.

STYLE GUIDE:

* * *

Somehow provides light lights are turned off in a room when the Resembles a nauseating infome man when he gives presentati rcial pitch ons Carries his lunch to work in sh from designer clothing stores opping bags

Issue a style guide that enhances and controls your corporate branding. You may actually want his help developing the style guide if you feel there is some brilliance to his flash. Cover all mediums: tradeshow materials, sales literature, email content, presentation templates, internal memos, etc. This will eliminate the time he has been wasting trying to spice things up.

CELEBRATE DIVERSITY:

If you can’t beat him, join him. Coordinate themed dress up days at the office where you and your coworkers wear the most ridiculous outfits. You can then point out to him, “Hey, man, club night was last week. Why are you still dressed up?”

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