HOW DOES NON-ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR IMPACT MY FINANCIAL LIFE? Courtesy of Center Key, LLC/LIVEforeclosureFREE.com
When we use our emotions to make a business choice, which invariably impacts our relationships, we fail to use the skills and tools necessary to keep ourselves on the straight and narrow. First, let’s see how non-assertiveness has impacted your life. Then we’ll see how non-assertiveness might be impacting your finances. What is non-assertive behavior? This is a learned behavior, which induces you to please others and accomplish their goals, as opposed to satisfying your own values, goals, and happiness. Examples of non-assertive behavior are avoidance, withdrawal, timidity, submissiveness, fearfulness, and indirectness. Could this affect your relationships and finances? I'm sure you can see by those examples that it might, but perhaps these feelings are so normal that you don't know how to act any differently. I completely understand. I use to be the same way. If I can change, so can you! Non-assertive behavior typically begins in early childhood, and is usually experienced when a child is placed in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation, experiencing negative outcomes. Were you often punished or criticized when you were growing up? Did people laugh at you or make you feel small when giving your opinion, or when making a decision? If a similar situation arises where you are asked to make a decision now, you might assume that same criticism will happen again, therefore, you quickly withdraw behind a selfprotecting wall of fear. Your sub conscientious reaction may come from these past references, but you have to remember that a negative reaction of any kind will affect the outcome of your decisions. There is help!
Have you seen passive methods of control in your life? The pain you experienced years ago could keep you locked in a state of trying to gain control, but this is often unintentional and is based on reaction. You might often feel depressed or unmotivated to cooperate. Non-assertive people will allow others to control them, but they are actually quite good at controlling others through their silence. Again, you didn't set out to do this, we learn by example, but now that you are aware of it a change might be needed. Would you call these rewards for the non-assertive person? Avoidance: Avoiding responsibilities temporarily, or not having
to face fears that could create anxiety. Good Friend: The "nice guy" that others can take advantage of because they know they will get their way. Dependency: Having your needs taken care of by someone else. Seeking Support: It seems easier to get sympathy and support. Is this really what you want? Controlled: loss of control and freedom (rarely getting one's
way) Distanced: Keeping your distance from the other person and never resolving conflicts is destructive to most relationships. Walked on: When you repeat messages in your mind that say you are too weak to cope, you will not stand up for what you believe in. How long will you continue to sacrifice joy? CREATE A BETTER PLAN! TRY TO IMPLEMENT THESE EXCELLENT CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE FIND A MENTOR - We all need a mentor. If you know
someone who has the kind of assertiveness you want for your life, spend time with that person. READ - STUDY - Get a good understanding of how to find a happy medium in your life by being more assertive. You don’t
have to become aggressive. It is your choice as to how much you want to change. STOP LISTENING – Do you hear the voices in your mind that tell you it’s not worth it; you’re not worth it; no one cares; I don’t measure up? Tune these lies out! You ARE worth it! REMEMBER - You are not alone and this behavior can be unlearned! Only you can decide whether or not you choose to be teachable. You have to want it. NO MORE VICTIM - Realize that fear keeps you in the role of a victim. Decide that fear is no longer allowed in your life. BE PRO-ACTIVE - when you feel bad about a decision someone else has made, tell them how you feel without using angry tones or words.
Lets see an example of what it would be like to tell someone how you feel: “When you made this decision, it seemed as though you didn’t want my opinion and I felt left out.” Nothing more needs to be said. Let the other person hear your feelings and allow them time to process it. If they feel the need to defend themselves, then listen, but do not allow the lies to penetrate your mind again. Protect it! Your feelings are completely affected by what you allow into your mind. Rejection is a part of life and you will want to learn how to handle it. Remind yourself each time that you will survive someone telling you no. HOW CAN THIS AFFECT YOUR FINANCES? WHEN OUR MINDS ARE CLUTTERED, SO ARE OUR LIVES, OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND OUR FINANCES. TRY THESE TIPS. DEVELOP A PLAN – Write down your monthly expenses and
income. Decide how much you are spending, how much you are saving, and how much extra (discretionary) money you have at the end of the month. GET ON TRACK - Understand your spending habits. Are you buying more than you need? Can you cut back? Spending more than you make at the end of the month will financially ruin you. WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS – This is vital! Post your goals where you can see them. Remind yourself what you want to
accomplish but stay realistic! This will give you something to measure your effectiveness and help you know you are heading in the right direction for a good reason. READ IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS - Even if your spouse isn’t interested in doing so, read important documents and know what they say. If you don’t understand something, call someone to ask them to explain it to you. Be pro-active! DO NOT GIVE UP – Make a commitment to keep pressing forward until you achieve your financial goals. Do not allow yourself to emotionally shut down when the banker, your realtor, your spouse or anyone else tells you no. Life is not going to lift you up emotionally. You need to decide how to align your thoughts and feelings so you can do this yourself. Listen to CD’s that stir your soul, find mentors who can guide you toward your goals, seek time alone in prayer or meditation. If you can do these things, and find you enjoy it, you will know you have found yourself in a much better situation than you were in yesterday. You DO have a purpose! You will find it when you can begin to remove the clutter. Your priorities will change. You will have a desire to move forward. You will stop spending money on things you want, to get only what you need, until you have been given more than enough for your needs, to finally get what you want. May you find happiness in the journey, and remember, Jesus was never a doormat.
Kellie These articles are copy righted protected and written to help anyone seeking information to improve their situations, add personal growth to their list of priorities or coach someone they care about. I encourage you to share these articles, and when you do, please make certain they remain in their full and complete version. Thank you!
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