WOM EN WHO ROCK WITH SUCCESS
SPECIAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EDITION
LIZBETH MEREDITH'S STORY
HOM E FOR THE HOLIDAYS
INGREDIENTS FO R T H E C RU ST 1 1/ 2 c. al l - p u r p ose f l ou r 1/ 2 c. u n sal t ed bu tter , cu t i n to 1/ 2" p i eces 1 tbsp . gr an u l ated su gar 1/ 4 tsp . kosh er sal t 1/ 2 tbsp . ap p l e ci d er v i n egar 4 tbsp . i ce w at er (or m or e, i f n eed ed FO R T H E FI L L I N G Cook i n g sp r ay, f or p i e d i sh 6 tbsp . u n sal t ed bu tter 3/ 4 c. p acked l i gh t br ow n su gar 1 c. cor n sy r u p 1 tbsp . p u r e van i l l a ex tr act 1/ 2 tsp . kosh er sal t 3 l ar ge eggs, beaten 2 c. Pecan h alves Van i l l a i ce cr eam , f or ser v i n g
D I REC T I O N S - M ake t h e cr u st: Pl ace f l ou r an d bu t ter i n to f r eezer f or 30 m i n u tes bef or e star ti n g cr u st p r ocess. - I n a l ar ge f ood p r ocessor , p u l se f l ou r , su gar , an d sal t u n ti l com bi n ed . Ad d bu tter an d p u l se u n ti l p ea- si zed an d som e sl i gh t ly l ar ger p i eces f or m . W i th th e m ach i n e r u n n i n g, ad d v i n egar , th en i ce w at er i n t o f eed tu be, 1 tabl esp oon at a ti m e, u n ti l d ou gh star ts to com e toget h er an d i s m oi st bu t n ot w et an d st i ck y (test by squ eezi n g som e w i t h y ou r f i n ger s). M i x t u r e w i l l be cr u m bly. - T u r n d ou gh on to a l i gh tly f l ou r ed su r f ace, f or m i n to a bal l , an d f l atten i n to a d i sk (m ak i n g su r e th er e ar e n o/ m i n i m al cr ack s). - Cover w i t h p l ast i c w r ap an d r ef r i ger at e u n t i l d ou gh i s ver y col d , at l east 2 h ou r s or u p to over n i gh t. - M ake t h e f i l l i n g: Pr eh eat oven to 425ยบ an d l i gh t ly gr ease a 9"-x- 1.5" p i e d i sh w i t h cook i n g sp r ay. - M ean w h i l e, on a l i gh t ly f l ou r ed su r f ace, r ol l ou t d ou gh i n to a 12? ci r cl e. D r ap e over p i e d i sh an d gen t ly p r ess to f i t , m ak i n g su r e th er e ar e n o ai r bu bbl es. T r i m ed ge to 1? an d tu ck over h an g u n d er i t sel f . W i t h a f or k , l i gh tly p r i ck bott om of cr u st an d d ecor ati vely scor e ed ges. Ref r i ger ate 30 m i n u t es or f r eeze 10 m i n u tes. - L i n e cr u st w i t h p ar ch m en t p ap er an d f i l l w i th d r i ed bean s or p i e w ei gh ts. Bake 10 m i n u tes, th en r em ove p ar ch m en t an d w ei gh ts. Red u ce h eat to 350 ยบ. - M ean w h i l e, i n a sm al l sau cep an over l ow h eat , m el t bu tter . W h i sk i n br ow n su gar u n ti l sm ooth an d r em ove f r om h eat . W h i sk i n cor n sy r u p , van i l l a, sal t, an d beaten eggs. - Scat t er p ecan h alves i n to p i e cr u st an d p ou r over su gar m i x tu r e. M i x gen tly w i t h a sp oon to coat n u t s an d even ly d i sp er se. - L i gh t ly p l ace f oi l over top of p i e an d bake 30 m i n u tes, th en r em ove f oi l an d bake u n ti l f i l l i n g i s p u f f ed , on ly sl i gh tly w obbly, an d cr u st i s gol d en , 35 m i n u tes m or e.
SIGN S OF DOM ESTIC
BY
DEPRESSION
T si p p o r a Sh ai n h o u se, M D
- Ch r on i c an x i et y, d ep r essi on , sy m p t om s of p ost- t r au m ati c str ess d i sor d er , su i ci d e att em p t s - Fear f u l d em ean or - A n ger - Ri sk y or d an ger ou s beh av i ou r s - A l coh ol or sed ati ve or su bstan ce abu se - Reti n al d etach m en t s an d or bi tal bl ow - ou t f r act u r es (m or e com m on i n w om en , an d p r obably assu m ed to be a ?bar f i gh t ?? r el at ed i n m en , so abu se n ot asked abou t) - Su bd u r al an d ep i d u r al h em atom as, sk u l l f r act u r es - Br u i ses i n sof t ar eas th at d on ?t cor r esp on d to h i stor y of f al l / tr i p p i n g: abd om en , f l an k s, n eck , ear s - A n al f i ssu r es, con sti p ati on ; p ati en t m ay n ot r ep or t th i s becau se h e m i gh t n ot w an t to br i n g att en t i on to h i s sex u al or i en t ati on - N ew sex u al ly - tr an sm i t ted d i seases - Fr equ en t ap p oi n tm en ts f or r an d om m ed i cal sy m p t om s, bu t n ever br i n gi n g u p th e abu se
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si gn s b el ow ar e ex t r act ed f r o m t h e M ay o C l i n i c p at i en t i n f o sh eet) You m i gh t be ex p er i en ci n g d om est i c v i ol en ce i f y ou r p ar tn er : -
Cal l s y ou n am es, i n su l t s y ou or p u ts y ou d ow n Pr even t s y ou f r om goi n g to w or k or sch ool Stop s y ou f r om seei n g f am i ly m em ber s or f r i en d s T r i es t o con t r ol h ow y ou sp en d m on ey, w h er e y ou go or w h at y ou w ear Acts jeal ou s or p ossessi ve or con stan t ly accu ses y ou of bei n g u n f ai t h f u l Gets an gr y w h en d r i n k i n g al coh ol or u si n g d r u gs T h r eat en s y ou w i t h v i ol en ce or a w eap on H i ts, k i ck s, sh oves, sl ap s, ch okes or ot h er w i se h u r t s y ou , y ou r ch i l d r en or y ou r p et s For ces y ou t o h ave sex or en gage i n sex u al acts agai n st y ou r w i l l Bl am es y ou f or h i s or h er v i ol en t beh av i or or tel l s y ou th at y ou d eser ve i t I f y ou 'r e gay, bi sex u al or tr an s gen d er , y ou m i gh t al so be ex p er i en ci n g d om esti c v i ol en ce i f y ou 'r e i n a r el ati on sh i p w i t h som eon e w h o:
- T h r eat en s t o t el l f r i en d s, f am i ly, col l eagu es or com m u n i t y m em ber s y ou r sex u al or i en tati on or gen d er i d en t i t y - Tel l s y ou t h at au t h or i t i es w on 't h el p a gay, bi sex u al or tr an s gen d er p er son - Tel l s y ou t h at l eav i n g th e r el at i on sh i p m ean s y ou 'r e ad m i tti n g th at gay, bi sex u al or t r an s gen d er r el at i on sh i p s ar e d ev i an t - Ju sti f i es abu se by t el l i n g y ou th at y ou 'r e n ot "r eal ly " gay, bi sex u al or tr an s gen d er - Say s th at m en ar e n atu r al ly v i ol en t
W H Y M EN D O N ?T T EL L M ED I C A L PRA C T I T I O N ERS ab o u t A B U SE: - Becau se m en ar e t r ad i t i on al ly th ou gh t to be p h y si cal ly str on ger th an w om en , t h ey m i gh t be l ess l i kely to r ep or t d om esti c v i ol en ce i n a h eter osex u al r el at i on sh i p d u e to em bar r assm en t, sh am e, h u m i l i at i on t h at t h i s i s h ap p en i n g to h i m - A m an m i gh t w or r y th at th e si gn i f i can ce of th e abu se w i l l be m i n i m i zed becau se h e?s a m an , an d sh ou l d be abl e to p r otect h i m sel f f r om a w om an - Si m i l ar ly, a m an bei n g abu sed by an oth er m an m i gh t be r el u ct an t to tal k abou t t h e p r obl em becau se of h ow i t r ef l ects on h i s m ascu l i n i t y or becau se i t ex p oses h i s sex u al or i en tati on - H e m i gh t f ear r et r i bu ti on by h i s assai l an t, i f th e abu ser l ear n s th at th e v i ol en ce h as been d i scl osed - I f th er e i s m an d at or y r ep or ti n g i n h i s St at e, h e m i gh t w or r y th at th e p ol i ce w i l l sh ow u p , w h i ch w ou l d aggr av ate th e abu ser an d tr i gger m or e v i ol en ce - T h e abu ser m i gh t h ave th r eat en ed to k i l l h i m , i f h e tol d an y on e - H e m ay f eel l i ke h e d eser ved th e abu se - H e m i gh t f eel p r ot ect i ve of h i s p ar tn er - H e m i gh t n ot r ecogn i ze th at th i s i s abu se, bu t r ath er , assu m es th at al l r el at i on sh i p s h ave i ssu es or f i gh ts - H e m i gh t t h i n k t h at h i s m ed i cal p r act i t i on er w ou l d n ?t k n ow h ow to h el p or h e h as t r i ed to br i n g i t u p i n th e p ast an d th e p r acti ti on er d i d n ot p i ck u p on i t - H i s p ar t n er / sp ou se com es w i th to m ed i cal ap p oi n tm en ts an d h e h as n o op p or tu n i t y to d i scl ose - Cu l tu r al t aboo or ex p ected beh av i or - Rel u ct an t t o gi ve u p th e good (eg, sex ,d i n n er s, k i d s ? ) - M ach o at t i t u d e ? t h ey th i n k th ey can h an d l e i t - I n er t i a ? I t ?s h ar d t o get u p an d l eave - I f a m an i s abu sed an d cal l s 911, ei t h er f or h i m sel f or to p r otect h i s k i d s, h e i s u su al ly th e on e th at gets ar r ested (p ol i ce bi as).
W H Y M ED I C A L PRA C T I T I O N ERS D O N ?T A SK ab o u t A B U SE: - T h ey bel i eve t h at d om est i c v i ol en ce d oesn ?t occu r i n th ei r p ati en t p op u l ati on - Becau se m en ar e tr ad i t i on al ly th ou gh t to be str on ger th an w om en , m ed i cal p r ov i d er s m i gh t n ot t h i n k to ask abou t d om est i c v i ol en ce or con si d er th at i t cou l d be occu r r i n g or t h e r eason f or a p h y si cal f i n d i n g or sy m p t om - T h ey d on ?t k n ow th e si gn s of abu se an d w h en th ey n eed to ask - T h ey bel i eve t h at w h at h ap p en s i n th e h om e, sh ou l d stay i n th e h om e - T h ey d on ?t w an t to of f en d th e p ati en t by br i n gi n g u p th e p ossi bi l i ty - T h ey ?k n ow ?t h e assai l an t an d bel i eve s/ h e i s n ot cap abl e of abu se - T h ey d on ?t w an t to ?op en a can of w or m s?, ei th er becau se th ey d on ?t k n ow w h at to d o i f t h ey d o u n cover abu se, or th ey f eel th at i t i s n ot th ei r r esp on si bi l i ty, bu t r at h er t h at of ot h er p r of essi on al s, su ch as soci al w or ker s - T h ey t h i n k i t w i l l take u p too m u ch ti m e, i f th e an sw er i s YES - T h ey t h i n k t h at som eon e el se w i l l p i ck u p on i t an d m an age i t (eg, soci al w or ker ) - T h ey k n ow w h at to d o, bu t d on ?t bel i eve i t w i l l h el p an d / or th ey th i n k th e p ati en t w i l l r et u r n t o th e abu ser - T h ey st ar t t o ask , bu t stop w h en th e p ati en t d en i es i t, even i f th e p h y si ci an d oes su sp ect abu se
L i zbet h
M er ed i th i s a w r i ter based i n A l ask a w i t h a bach el or ?s d egr ee i n jou r n al i sm an d a m aster ?s d egr ee i n p sy ch ol ogy. Sh e h as w or ked as a d om est i c v i ol en ce ad vocate an d a ch i l d abu se i n vesti gat or , an d w i t h at - r i sk teen s as a ju ven i l e p r obati on su p er v i sor . H er m em oi r , Pi eces of M e: Rescu i n g M y K i d n ap p ed D au gh ter s i s a cau ti on ar y tal e of h ow d om esti c v i ol en ce of ten escal ates af ter v i ct i m s ch oose to l eave. I t i s a si lver m ed al i st f or th e 20 17 I PPY Aw ar d s, M em oi r / Per son al St r u ggl es categor y an d a f i n al i st i n th e I n ter n ati on al Book Aw ar d s an d U SA Best Book Aw ar d s f or m em oi r . T h e e- book ver si on h as been a # 1 A m azon best sel l er i n th e D om est i c Par tn er A bu se secti on . Recen t tel ev i si on ap p ear an ces i n cl u d e Gr eat D ay L i ve! L ou i sv i l l e, Seat tl e K i n g 5 N ew s, W T VG 13 abc Tol ed o, an d K T U U A n ch or age. L i zbet h ?s stor y w as al so f eatu r ed i n Read er ?s D i gest. L i zbet h h as p u bl i sh ed W h en Pu sh Com es to Sh ove: H ow to H el p W h en Som eon e You L ove i s Bei n g A bu sed on A m azon , an d i s a con t r i bu t or to A Gi r l s?Gu i d e to T r avel l i n g A l on e by Gem m a T h om p son . O t h er w or k h as been p u bl i sh ed i n Fem i n i n e Col l ect i ve, T h e Su n l i gh t Pr ess, an d Jan e Fr ei d m an ?s bl og. L i zbet h i s p r ou d to be th e r eci p i en t of th e A l ask a H u m an i t i es For u m ?s m i n i - gr an t an d th e L i n H al ter m an Aw ar d . Fol l ow L i zbet h on L i n ked I n , YouT u be, T w i t ter , or L i ke h er Facebook p age. Bi o p h oto by Jon as Ban t a, A l ask a Teen M ed i a I n sti t u te.
In ad d i t i on to bei n g an au th or an d f or m er D V v i ct i m an d D V ad vocate, I w on an ach i evem en t aw ar d l ast y ear f r om th e stat e of A l ask a's l ar gest agen cy f or m y w or k on th e top i c. T h er e i s bot h on l i n e f or u m s, tel ep h on i c h el p , an d of ten l ocal su p p or t (i n cl u d i n g sh el ter s) f or d om esti c v i ol en ce v i cti m s M y f avor i te h otl i n e i s 1- 80 0 - 799- SA FE. T h e tr eat m en t f or d om esti c v i ol en ce, r eal ly m or e ad vocacy th an cou n sel i n g or tr eatm en t, i s al l ow i n g v i cti m s to get i n f or m at i on an d su p p or t. Peer su p p or t gr ou p s ser ve to m ove v i ct i m s aw ay f r om bei n g i sol ated an d con t r ol l ed , to si t ti n g back i n th e d r i ver s' seat s of th ei r ow n l i ves. M y e- book , W hen Push Comes to Shove: H ow to H elp W hen Someone You Love is Being Abused d etai l s th e i m p or tan ce of com m u n i t y an d f am i ly m em ber s n ot tel l i n g d om esti c v i ol en ce v i ct i m s w h et h er or n ot th ey sh ou l d l eave or stay i n th ei r r el ati on sh i p s. Each r el ati on sh i p i s d i f f er en t, each ti m e a v i cti m ch ooses to l eave, a d i f f er en t set of r i sk f act or s i s ex p osed . M y m em oi r d etai l s th e u n i n ten d ed con sequ en ces I ex p er i en ced w h en l eav i n g m y h u sban d th at con t i n u ed to p l agu e m y d au gh ter s an d I y ear s an d d ecad es af ter I l ef t.
L or i W h atl ey, l i cen sed m ar r i age & f am i ly th er ap i st sp eci al i zes i n i n d i v i d u al , cou p l es an d f am i ly r el ati on al th er ap y an d sees car e r ecei ver s at 675 Sem i n ol e Ave Su i te 10 8 (m i d tow n ) an d on Peach tr ee str eet (Bu ck h ead ) Atl an ta, Geor gi a. A s a gr ad u ate of M er cer M ed i cal Sch ool - M ar r i age an d Fam i ly T h er ap y p r ogr am , sh e i s cu r r en tly w or k i n g w i t h a br oad sp ectr u m of cl i en ts. Sh e ser ves as a Ren ew m en tor at Bu ck h ead ch u r ch as w el l as bei n g a f aci l i tator f or T h r i ve m ar r ai ge en r i ch m en t cou r se. L or i i s cer ti f i ed i n PREPA RE an d EN RI CH m ar r i age an d p r em ar i tal cou n sel i n g tech n i qu es. I n ad d i t i on to bei n g a p r om i n en t r el ati on sh i p coach L or i i s an i n t er acti ve, sol u t i on - f ocu sed car egi ver . H er ap p r oach i s to p r ov i d e su p p or t an d p r acti cal f eed back to h el p cl i en ts ef f ecti vely ad d r ess p er son al l i f e ch al l en ges. Sh e i n tegr ates com p l em en tar y m eth od ol ogi es an d tech n i qu es to of f er a h i gh ly p er son al i zed ap p r oach tai l or ed to each cl i en t. W i th com p assi on an d u n d er stan d i n g, sh e w or k s w i t h each i n d i v i d u al to h el p th em bu i l d on th ei r str en gth s an d att ai n th e p er son al gr ow th th ey ar e com m i tted to accom p l i sh i n g. Ed u cat i on U n i ver si t y O f Geor gi a 1985 M er cer M ed i cal Sch ool 1997 Cl i n i cal Psy ch ol ogi st L i cen sed M ar r i age & Fam i ly T h er ap i st
Pr of essi on al Acti v i t i es an d M em ber sh i p s A m er i can A ssoci ati on of M ar r i age an d Fam i ly T h er ap i st A m er i can Cou n sel i n g A ssoci at i on Pr ep ar e p r em ar i t al cou n sel i n g cer ti f i ed En r ich m ar r iage cou n selin g cer t if ied