Focus Feature

We’re not one-dimensional beings ANd iT ShoWS

We can feel many emotions at once, especially in a time of crisis and its’s ok, so says Megan Minutillo.

Throughout this pandemic, my best friends and I have been checking in on one another via this text message thread that we’ve set up.

Sometimes the messages are funny – silly memes, ridiculous anecdotes about the trips to the refrigerator. New cocktail discoveries that we’ve found through virtual happy hours and wild thoughts that come into our brains as time moves forward.

Sometimes, the messages are full of anxiety, sadness, and fear. It’s a visual confirmation that we’re not alone in our worry about tomorrow and our nostalgia for the things we cannot do at the moment.

Recently one of these dear friends had to take unpaid leave. She told us how terrifying it felt – that she was worried about money, and that she missed her work, and that even though she was quarantined at home, work helped her get through her day. It gave her a sense of balance throughout these crazy times – even though she was juggling being a wife and a mother alongside that, too.

But then our dear friend also expressed that she felt guilty for saying so – that she should be grateful for what she does have and be more patient during this time. She expressed shame for being upset as if she had no right to be stressed about her lack of employment.

It was at that moment that we, her best gals, came through – and she received several with text messages that reminded her that it was ok to be sad. It was ok to be stressed. It was ok to be worried, and anxious, and that feeling those feelings didn’t negate the gratitude that she did feel.

Too often, we forget that we can hold negative emotions and positive ones in both of our hands.

We can feel anxious, and we can also feel grateful.

We can feel happy, and we can also feel sad.

We can be afraid for tomorrow while still appreciating what we have at this moment.

These are strange and uncertain times that we’re living in – we are dealing with a global pandemic.

These are strange and uncertain times, and you don’t have to pick which feeling is appropriate. You don’t have to bury the stress that is coming your way, just because you know that other people are undoubtedly in a more precarious position than you.

There are plenty of feelings that can exist within you at once.

You can be upset at the change in your plans – the shifting of dates, the postponement of events, the unanswered questions that lie in tomorrow.

You can be upset that your wedding is postponed or canceled, or that you don’t get to have your baby shower or bridal shower or walk the stage at your graduation ceremony. You can be upset that you have to cancel the anniversary trip that you planned for your parents or the vacation that you’ve been planning for months. You can be upset about all of these things – and still, be grateful for the life that you’re living.

You can be heartbroken that you got your period again this month when you were hoping for a baby and happy for your friends who are expecting their own children.

You can be upset about losing regular income , and you can still be grateful that you have a roof over your head, and that your family is healthy, and that you’re not going to worry just yet about how you’re going to put food on your table.

It’s not an either-or situation.

Choosing sadness over joy is not a choice you have to make. It’s not like if you wish to acknowledge the pain that you’re in, or the anxiety that you’re feeling, or the sadness that lies in your heart means that you’re negating feelings of joy. We’re not one-dimensional creatures who are only one thing – there’s not one title that can encapsulate all that you are, and all that you will be, and all that you wish tomorrow to hold.

We can breathe and blink and move simultaneously. The sound of our breath and the sound of our heartbeat is something that we can hear at the same time, too.

We can feel more than one thing at once, too – and there’s nothing wrong with you if more than one emotion is rising up within you at once.

It’s ok that you feel that way.

Cry when you feel the tears prick your eyes. Lean into the things that make you smile. When you get the urge to tell the ones you love how much you love them – act on it. Speak. Tell them. When you feel laughter bubbling up within your throat – let it out. If someone or something makes you want to yell, or shout, or fall to your knees and shake your fists at the sky – do it. You’ll get back up, I promise.

You’re allowed to feel all of your emotions – you don’t have to choose.

Megan Minutillo, Writer, producer, educator. Read more at meganminutillo.com.

Post-article reflections it has been a year where our emotions have been a roller-coaster. can you identify all the emotions you have felt over the past months? Have they all been negative or a mix? How do you feel today having experienced all those feelings?

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