4 minute read
Workplace Issues
FeedForWArd and become a stronger influencer
We all want to improve our effectiveness in influencing others for our mutual good and we can achieve this when we understand the importance of establishing winning relationships, so says Justin Cohen.
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True influence is the ability to build long-term, mutually beneficial personal or business relationships. True influence is not manipulation. Manipulating people is getting them to do things that are not in their best interests.
To get more, give more and giving is not always physical; in fact the giving that feels best is usually psychological. This is when we give people love, respect and attention. We build our self-esteem from the inside – but we are social creatures and a large part of our self-worth comes from the love and attention that we give others.
And one of the most important keys to success in relationships , at the office and at home, is the ability to give and receive feedback – what I like to think of as feedforward, because it enables us to move forward and be better. While there are laws that govern effective relationships, not everyone wants to be treated in exactly the same way.
It’s important to be able to take and apply feedback so we can adjust our behaviour to suit the person and situation. Your previous boss may have liked regular updates on any project; your current one may not want to be involved that closely.
GETTInG FEEDbACK If a close group of friends, family and colleagues got together, what would they say about you?
You’re probably not going to agree with everyone says but if more than one person were to say the same thing, that could be a clue.
other people can see about you that you can’t. If you are to be effective, you need to know what those things are.
If you don’t ask, most people won’t tell you what they really think. But people won’t always give you feedback nicely. If you’re on the receiving end of tactless feedback, whether you agree with it or not, thank the person for their insight. Start seeing your response to feedback as part of your performance. When someone gives you critical feedback, they’ve already evaluated you; now they’ll evaluate you on how constructively you take the feedback.
GIvInG FEEDFORWARD Have you ever received critical feedback that took the wind out of you?
Poorly delivered feedback can lead to a shot of stress hormones that raise the heart rate, breathing rate and blood pressure. This activates the fight-or-flight response in us. Bear this in mind when someone has really disappointed or annoyed you: If you throw a tantrum, you will activate their lower brain and further diminish their ability to help you.
If you want people to process your feedback, it’s important to deliver it in a constructive way. Here are a the five steps to help you do that:
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Calm Down. Only give feedback after you have had time to reflect on the issue. When you’re angry, you are in a lower (instinct) brain state. Calm down by taking three slow, deep breaths to shift activity to the higher rational brain which will improve your ability to communicate.
Start with something positive. That helps the person feel good and thus more receptive to what can be improved. They will know that you are not trying to hurt them. It’s important that you are sincere… it can’t just feel like a way to soften what’s to come i.e a bouquet before the bomb! The fact is, we don’t give people enough positive feedback!
Let them know that you care about them and want to share something that might be holding back their effectiveness or success.
Describe what you think needs improving. Be
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specific about what you’ve noticed and be sure to avoid character assassination. They are not the problem; the behavior is the problem. End with a positive expectation. We usually take feedback badly because we’re unsure we can fix it. Let them know you believe in them, and you know they can get it right. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help.
ExPRESS POSITIvE ExPECTATIOnS When you tell someone they can do something, you’re not saying it will be easy and there won’t be setbacks.
You’re not saying they won’t have to earn more or work harder. Rather you are letting them know that as tough as it is, they are up to the challenge.
When we believe in someone, our behaviour towards them changes. We make more eye contact, smile, encourage and go out of our way to help. All of this boosts performance.
Expressing positive expectations is not just a way to inspire people to realize their potential – it will help you get people to do what you want done.
This is an extract form Justin Cohen’s book; Winning Relationships: 21 Laws of influence in Love and Business. Justin Cohen is a bestselling author and international speaker. He hosted a CNBC Africa TV show in which he interviewed some of the world’s top experts on success. As a leading authority on human potential, with a postgraduate degree in psychology, Justin Cohen speaks and trains in the fields of motivation, sales, customer service and leadership. He is a Certified Speaker Professional and a Southern African Speaker Hall of Fame inductee. Justin is currently the host and transformational coach of Mnet’s The Single Wives, and a doctoral candidate at Middlesex University in London
More information on: justin@justinpresents.com
