6 minute read
982 by Waridi (Poem
#982 by WARIDI
I know This world ain’t meant for me But I still see heaven even as I walk through hell Feel like I fell from grace ‘cept I never had it Wipe away the tears Laugh o that old adage Go out in the garden to pick flowers at night Trying not to cry with all my might But I just might Feeling my skin dapple in moonlight I was raised to fight With all my might But I’ll work hard all day long just to prove you wrong Couldn’t find myself so I wrote my own songs Sometimes the cancer meds make my momma mean Some days I wake up and hope that it’s all a dream Cry and scream Try to remember she’s just as scared as me Sometimes my grip on reality is tenuous Sometimes keeping your head above water feels hella strenuous When you’re drowning in tears wondering if they’ll even be here tomorrow Easy to be suocated by grief and sorrow
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Some days it seems my allergies are acting up Sorry y’all but I’m allergic to bullsh*t Hope you’ll see I ain’t nobody to mess with Yes, if you see me just call me Waridi You don’t need to know my real name Trust is a privilege not something I just give away And if you see me knee deep in a reverie just know I’m not mean Just an introvert with resting bitch face if you know what I mean Just so you know you don’t really know me Had to escape when people tried to control me Archandroid, archangel, shabby but elegant My two best friends be loneliness and eloquence
They say if you’re lost in this world you’re meant to build a new one The weight is weighing down on us Can measure the pressure in Newtons
Sometimes at night when the sky is clear I go out alone just to see if I can hear The wind blowing through the trees, know the dierence between bare limbs and leaves Can feel the way it moves in before one of those summer thunderstorms Where it’s super dark and real warm and above you leave are dancing and it’s getting breezy Yea sometimes I wish that my life was that easy But after the sky opens up the sun comes back again See the red shouldered hawks circle above my head Feeling like some kind of secular messiah But I’m not tryna sound so silly The consequences of arrogance are much worse Than the risk of gaining a little bit of self confidence Or at least that’s what that voice in my head says But my therapist says the opposite Like I should be proud of my accomplishments
Couldn’t be me Don’t like poetry Feels too angsty and melodramatic to me Which is why it’s funny when it’s nice and sunny I find myself sitting outside hiding my notebook and writing when I know no one will look
It took me only 6 years to fill 23 of ‘em And when they ask me I say I don’t write songs But that laugh in the back of my eyes can tell you that’s wrong Yea I don’t write, not really, Only nine hundred eighty something since I took up guitar, that plus vocals, those are my weapon of choice Just a kid trying to find her voice But music seeks you out it’s not like you have a choice If this is how I write when I’m 17 imagine how I’ll sound when I’m 23
I don't know where I’m going but I gotta leave home Sometimes the rhymes just won't leave me alone Ya know I can’t stop once I get in the zone Feel like I could write forever And I better I’ll make the puzzle pieces, you put them together
Just trying to sleep but in my head the record’s playing Sampa The Great , Little Simz, Chika, Kaiit, or Amy,
maybe it’s my A.D.D Thinking of that boy with the baby blues eyes that’s drivin’ me crazy I ain’t never gonna tell him cuz that’s social sucide Gonna make sure My Tears Dry On Their Own Need to realize he don’t like me back and move on But it’s making me lovesick Have to sit with my feelings Go walk in the rain cuz I’m reeling from losing something I never had Just so hungry Guess I’m like Hagar Just need to take a break and listen to Lemonade And I only Kamikaze for important things anyways Not dumb high school love stories
The movie industry’s gettin’ kinda boring Like, think of something new Write a new one, like I’m gonna do You can see me live it I got protagonist energy, so vibe with it We’ll see if I make it past my fifteen minutes of fame Maybe I’m just insane But does it really matter? I'd rather look back and say that I blew it, than to never take that chance at all Like Andra says, cheers to the fall Sometimes I Iook down below me and I stall ‘Cuz in the aftermath I feel small Back to smashing pavement when I’m so mad I can’t contain it And it don’t look good no matter how you frame it Yea I come from a long line of magnificent women Who spit bars at the stars ‘cuz nobody else will listen Daddy calls me a Prima Donna and it sticks in my mind But I just did what I had to do to survive Gotten closer to death than you ever hope to be in your life So I must be strong ‘cuz somehow I survived Started feelin’ real cold and saw the sun start to set And with the little strength that was left Yelled out “motherfucker I’m not done yet”
Every beginning is weak That’s what Sissy told me It can be your Bildungsroman or your villain origin story My voice might shake
but I hold my ground when I speak even if I’m quiet or too weak to stand on my feet
I look people in the eyes when I’m talkin’ Don’t care who they are Somedays I feel like a dead man walkin’ I sure got the scars There’s never enough time They call me an enigma ‘cuz I get back up every time Yea, that was a Kandy Muse kind of rhyme But I don’t care I’m doin’ just fine
Still got demons to fight though Don’t matter how slow I go I’m still moving And if I got my guitar I’m still grooving Got a little o track a couple years back But I’m starting to find my way and I’m glowing Told me I got a gift, that I get to be the messenger And my eyes give a look that say “don’t mess with her”
I walk where I know most people will never go And it’s okay that I live dreams they will never know And I feel alone even when I’m seen I can deny it like Erykah but my eyes are still green And it’s not “cuz I eat lots of vegetables. ”
