Fruit. Magazine 9

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ISSUE 9Contributors Tera Swigart

Editor-In-Chief

Tera serves as Editor-in-Chief and writer for FRUIT magazine.

Malcolm Marshall

Writer: Fruit of The Vine & Lessons in Lyrics Malcolm serves as chaplain for the NBA’s Houston Rockets. He and his wife also oversee Joined at the Hip Ministries. Learn more about their ministry by visiting: www.jathministries.com.

James Odom

Columnist: Gangs 2 Glory

James is one of the premier educators on gangs in the Houston area. To learn more, visit his website: www.alternativebehavior.org

Rudy Guerrero

Writer & Consultant Rudy writes for and reviews content of FRUIT magazine to make sure that all of the biblical doctrine is sound.

Dylan McCabe Writer: The Dig

FRUIT. EDITORIAL

Editor-In-Chief: Tera Swigart Copy Editors: Kay Guerrero, Barbara Howard, Richard Howard, Louis Skipper CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Jake Kampe, Bobby Herring, Malcolm Marshall, Dylan McCabe, James Odom, Tera Swigart

ART Layout Design: Chad and Tera Swigart Graphic Design: Chad Swigart

PUBLISHER FRUIT. Magazine is a publication of Freestyle Ministries, Inc. a non-profit 501(c)3 whose mission is to equip and encourage at-risk youth and youth within the juvenile justice system to grow spiritually, develop and maintain positive lifestyles, and use their Godgiven gifts and talents to create change in their generation.

FRUIT. is distributed free of charge and is designed to promote reading and writing skills, good decision making, creativity, and spiritual growth in its readers.

Dylan has a B.S. in Christian Leadership from the College of Biblical Studies and is pursuing a Masters in Media and Communication from Dallas Theological Seminary. He is currently working at Point of View Ministries as V.P. of Communications. He also writes a blog that you can visit: www.twofoundations.com

If you are interested in supporting Freestyle Ministries, Inc., see page 3 for details.

Jake Kampe

Here at Freestyle Ministries, we love to hear from our readers! If you have any questions, suggestions or prayer requests, please contact us, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.

Writer: Fresh Picks

Christ follower, husband, dad, and freelance writer.

Jake writes the book reviews for FRUIT magazine and also writes a blog that you can check out!

- nakedtheologyblog.blogspot.com

Chad Swigart

Graphic & Web Design

Chad oversees all graphic elements of both print and online versions of FRUIT.

CONTACT

Freestyle Ministries, Inc.

FRUIT. Magazine P.O. Box 1420 League City, TX 77574 E-Mail: tswigart@gmail.com Phone: 832-423-3126 Web Address: www.producefruit.org

contents

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PRODUCE

art & writing of our readers

11 FRESH PICKS

music & book reviews

21 FRUIT OF THE VINE

this issue’s devotional: A Funeral Worth Attending

23 THE DIG

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25 GANGS TO GLORY

in this issue’s “gangs 2 glory,” james odom looks at the family’s role in gangs

27 CLEAN

30 tips to staying sober

31 INBOX

letters to you from Texas inmates

unearthing the truth about God

13 rescued from the darkness

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ABOUT US

HOW YOU CAN HELP

MISSION STATEMENT

Individuals

Freestyle Ministries, Inc. is a non-profit 501(c)3 whose mission is to equip and encourage at-risk youth and youth within the juvenile justice system to grow spiritually, develop and maintain positive lifestyles, and use their God-given gifts and talents to create change in their generation.

We are always in need of monthly partners. Of course, a one-time gift is very appreciated, too! Each donor will receive a copy of FRUIT as a special thank you, and our monthly partners will receive a full subscription! All donations are tax deductible and can be made on our website or mailed to our address.

PRIMARY ACTIVITY

CHURCHES & ORGANIZATIONS

The primary activity of Freestyle Ministries is publishing a quarterly magazine called “FRUIT” based on the scripture: “Thus by their fruit you will recognize them.” –Matthew 7:20. The magazine is designed to promote spiritual growth, self-efficacy, reading and writing skills, good decision making, and creativity in its readers.

It is distributed free of charge to youth within Juvenile Justice facilities, community centers, churches, and to individuals. The magazine includes the art and writing of its readers, inspirational and educational articles, devotionals, reviews of positive music and books, community resources and much more.

VISION We are currently providing all juvenile justice placement facilities in Harris, Fort Bend and Galveston Counties and some Texas state juvenile justice facilities with issues of FRUIT. magazine. In this way, Freestyle Ministries is able to reach thousands of youth and their families annually. Our long-term vision is to expand distribution to as many juvenile justice facilities as possible across Texas and eventually across the United States.

You have a unique opportunity to help us in several ways: > Support Freestyle Ministries through your missions department, > Sponsor magazines for youth in your church/organization, > Invite Freestyle Ministries to share our heart and mission with your congregation, > Place a “Ministry Spot” in FRUIT magazine to let our readers know about your events and ministries!

SPONSOR A MAGAZINE SECTION Another way to help is by sponsoring a popular section in FRUIT. magazine. We will place the name, logo and website of sponsor in the section. You will also receive a free subscription to FRUIT! Sections Available for Sponsorship: > Feature Story > Produce: art & writing of our readers > Drug Education > Gangs to Glory: gang education > Fruit of the Vine: Bible devotional > Fresh Picks: music & book reviews > In-box: letters from prison Visit our www.ProduceFruit.org for specific pricing.

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BOARD OF DIRECTORS Tera Swigart, Founder & President

Tera Swigart has worked in juvenile delinquency prevention and intervention in many capacities for 12 years. She is the Executive Director of Freestyle Ministries, overseeing day to day operations and all aspects of FRUIT. magazine.

TESTIMONIALS > “Thank you so much for what you do. It was awesome to see

my daughter’s work in your magazine. I will be praying for this ministry.” - James, Parent

> “I read FRUIT. while I was locked up. The “BARS” article opened my eyes to see that Xanax is very dangerous. I put a copy of the article on my website for my friends to read.”

– Michael, Youth

> “I picked up one of your magazines & I Absolutely Love what you guys are doing for the Kingdom!” – Corey Paul, Rapper

Rudy Guerrero, Board Member

Rudy is the Senior Pastor of Texas Avenue Baptist Church in League City, Texas. Rudy also reviews FRUIT magazine content to ensure all the biblical doctrine is sound.

> “My wife and I want to say thanks a lot for supporting our kid while he was away from home. You are doing an excellent work with our young men.” – Jose, Parent

> “I just wanted to tell you thank you for doing FRUIT. It really made me think about changes I need to make when I get out. I know a lot of the kids won’t listen but I did.” – A. C., Youth

> “This is the best magazine I have seen for youth. No one Kay Guerrero, Board Member

Kay Guerrero serves as Board Secretary for Freestyle Ministries.

Kay is a retired teacher and technology integration specialist.

She also copy edits for FRUIT magazine.

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talked to me when I was a kid. So, as long as I live I will send you whatever you think you can use to save just one of them from what I have experienced. You are doing something unique and they will respond. Thank you for letting me be a part of it.

God bless you all.” – Jedidiah, Death Row Inmate

Contact Us

P.O. Box 1420, League City,TX 77574 832.423.3126/tswigart@gmail.com www.ProduceFruit.org

PYREXX

PyRexx

It’s hard to find a comparison in the music industry to match the raw anda limitless talent of Houston rapperto It’s hard to find comparison in the music industry PyRexx.

Born Joseph McSweeney, he was raised in the match the raw and limitless talent of Houston rapper rugged north side of Houston, Texas.Joseph He started getting PyRexx.

Born November, 4th 1985, McSweeney into trouble at arugged very young age by chasing fast money raised in the north side of Houston, Texas he found himself up in being the street life at a very and females andcaught eventually initiated into a street young age.sixteen.

From fast initiated in the gang at age Hemoney begantotobeing express his musical notorious “Gangster Disciple” street gang at age 16, talent through street cyphers and freestyle competitions.

PyRexx found himself in need of a vice.

Shortly after, Enjoying the attention he drew, music quickly became his topstemming priority. from his undeniable love for music, he began to express his own musical talent through street cyphers at school and on the streets.

During his and late freestyles teenage years, Pyrexx served 18 months From that point on, music quickly became a priority. in a state penitentiary. Upon his release in 2005, he

One week before Christmas of 2011, Pyrexx caught another 2 months in county jail. As he sat in thecase videoand wasspent released and became viewable on World a jail cell his music video for, I’m Back, hit World Star Star Hip Hop. PyRexx went to go on a city to city tourHip with Trae performing in cities from Dallas to Beating San Hop with over 50,000 views in the first week. his Antonio. case and back in the free world, Pyrexx focused all of his time on music. He released the song Connected, featuring After the return from tour, PyRexx recorded a song Babba Sparxxx, created a mixtape and started touring. called “I’m Back” which started the initial controversy between him and Trae, which ultimately led to his It wasn’t long before PyRexx was back in jail, but little did departure from ABN. Now focused on himself as a solo he artist knowPyRexx how hisbecame life wasthe about to change.

PyRexx reconfounder and leader of nected with aBreadz. volunteer Chaplain and Christian rapper in Thorough

became an official member of Trae tha Truth’s ABN (ASince the age of 8 PyRexx was connected with Houston -holes By Nature). He made several mixtape features rapper Trae the Truth, and after a stint in the and music video cameos including Trae’son Ima A--hole, penitentiary at age 17, he was released parole in Swang, In the Hood and Lil Boss’s Gangsta Session.

2005 after serving 18 months on a 3 year sentence.

AsUpon things tohe progress, back into trouble hisbegan release became he an fell official member of ABN and was incarcerated for four more years.

(Assholes By Nature, headed by Trae) andWhile madehe was locked upmixtape his mother died cancer andcameos he discovered several spots andofMusic video heincluding: was the father of a baby boy.

Being unable to attend Trae the Truth-“Ima asshole” “swang” and his“In mother’s funeral or be with his newborn son drove the Hood” and lil boss’ “Gangsta session.” While all him to progressing, depression and rebellion. tattooed was PyRexx found He himself takenhis by face the street lifewriting and in trouble with the law.music He spent years and began negative, hardcore as a4 way to in a Texas State Penitentiary during which time he lost express his emotions.

the Harris County jail, named Tre9. PyRexx had originally Oneyears weekearlier beforewhen Christmas of 2011 PyRexx met him four Tre9 performed at the caught a case and spent 2 months in countyThree jail during prison where Pyrexx was then incarcerated. years which his collaborated video for “I’mwith Back” went andMe Your after thattime Pyrexx Tre9 onviral Teach made it onlanded World Star Hip Hop with 50,000 viewsalbum.

Ways, which on Tre9’s Missionary Minded alone in the first week. Beating his case and back in Then, just one year after collaborating together, they were the free world PyRexx focuses all his time on music brought together again at the Harris County Jail. It seemed and is more motivated than ever. He released his these two men were destined to become friends and to Mixtape in March 2012 and started touring shortly do after something significant together. With Tre’s unconditional that. During yet another incarceration, PyRexx love, support and mentoring, PyRexx rededicated his life met Christian rapper Tre9 and they kept in touch even to Christ, left his old ways behind and began a new after his release. Because of Tre9’s mentoring and journey thatunconditional has been the talkand of both Christian hop and mainlove support, PyRexxhip rededicated his stream circles. life to Christ. He then left his old life behind and began

Pyrexx went on to release his first street single and music On February 1st, 2011 PyRexx was released from video entitled, Live My Life. He appeared on Trae the prison and got straight to work in the studio and began Truth’s mixtape, Undisputed featuring Brian Angel and he performing in bars and clubs in Houston and was featured on Trae’s smash hit, Strapped Up. He evensurrounding areas with different artist such as: Yung tually went onSity, tour Felony with Trae, afterPyRexx the tour, Pyrexx redd, Fame and but more. went on to recorded a controversial song, I’m Back, which created release his first street single and music video for “Live division between led toonPyrexx’s My Life.”

PyRexxthem. then This appeared Trae thedeparture Truth from ABN. Relentless and determined, mixtape “Undisputed” with Brian AngelPyRexx with theformed track the“IThoroughBreadz TBZ and began pushing Made It” and alsoaka on Trae’s album “Street King”his with independent music harder than got ever. the song “Strapped Up” which a huge buzz when

Presently, Pyrexx is making street music to inspire listeners makes musicHe to is inspire to, “follow Today, him as PyRexx he follows Christ.” usinghis his platfollowers to “follow him as he follows Christ”. He form and testimony to lead his fans, especially the youth, realizes that he can use his platform to lead his fans, away from the negativity of the streets and toward spiritual especially the youth, toward Christ and away from the transformation. His upcoming album entitled, Born Again streets. His new album, Born Again Disciple, illustrates Disciple, is a reflection of the pain in his past, his present his transformed heart and brand new way of life. decision towith follow and his future as a believer.

Coming theChrist, same look, sound, andlife rawness that Hishis appearance, sound, and rawness fans love, yet now equipped with remains the Holy consistent Spirit, with the PyRexx that fans have love, but now PyRexx is ready to disciple thegrown streetstoand impact the he is equipped the way.

Spirit of God. Pyrexx is wiser, highly world in a with positive motivated, and determined in the pursuit to accomplish his dream of making an impact on the world through his music!

his mother and was unable to attend her funeral. hisof incarceration he was also released became afrom father all of In During February 2011, Pyrexx prison. which gave him motivation to set off his music career He began performing in local bars and clubs with artonce againFame free. Sity, Felony, and others. istswhen suchheaswas Yung Redd,

a new journey.

Pyrexx Interview Coming Soon to Fruit Magazine!

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produce! art & writing of our readers

* to submit your art or writing, please follow the instructions on page 7

Christina

I Am From 5

Christina

Aidan I am from my mother’s care and from my father’s tough love.

I am from the tough streets which shaped me to who I am now.

I am from strength, courage, and hope.

I am from an island in the sea, but reside in the streets of T.C. I am from my family’s legacy - passed down from generation to generation.

I am from a long line of soldiers - starting from the beginning of time.

I am from my father’s mistakes - without them I would not be here.

I am from my mother’s egg and my father’s seed – without them I would not be me!

Christina

Christina

Christina

It Is Time

Francisco, 16

It is time to leave childish things behind.

It is time to grow up and face reality.

It is time to make a difference in life, because time is just passing by.

Every minute and every second that passes by, we’re facing the future.

It is time to man up and stand up and avoid the negative things in your life.

I know life is hard, but it’s not hard to pray.

It is time to make a change and succeed in life.

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Just Say It

Patrick, 13

Put it in a text, Say it with your tongue, My boys might not believe it, But I know I’m the only one.

Yours, forever, always.

A boy who becomes a man, The one who said he’d die before he’d hold some crazy girl’s hand.

They say you’re not so pretty, They ask what I see in you.

I’ve explained a million times That I was born loving you.

So I’ll put it in a text, I’ll say it with my tongue.

My boys may not believe it, But I know you’re the one.

Mine, forever, always.

A girl who understands That a boy who never learns to love Will never be a man.

Judgement

Hector, 16

People always try to judge me always try to knock me off my feet.

Just ‘cause what I did in the street Doesn’t mean they can put me in a hole so deep.

I do know that my past affects my future, but that doesn’t mean they should take me out of the picture.

I think that’s how I ended up in this penitentiary, ‘cause I let them get the best of me.

Why can’t they just stop?

It’s not bringing people to the top, all it’s doing is making them drop.

Why can’t they realize that they’re hurting me inside?

I wish they wouldn’t care about my size, or whatever they see me as in their eyes.

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Francisco, 16

If they knew the real me, I bet they would be surprised.

What I can accomplish is not a lie.

If they only knew how much I want to change, there wouldn’t be much about which to complain.

Never did I think I’d be in so much pain.

They always make me feel like I ain’t even trying.

But on the cool, I just think they be lying.

So, I get on my knees and ask the Lord for Him to open up a door, so that I can stand up off this floor.

‘Cause God will come on a certain day, just to judge everybody in every way.

Brandon, 16

Church

Hector, 16

It feels so right in this place.

It feels like I’ve been forgiven for all my mistakes.

It makes me feel like I’m not useless.

It shines a light on me that gets rid of all the darkness.

I started to hate on all my enemies, but in here I’m not so heartless.

I wish I could stay here and die, ‘cause this is a place where I never lie.

It’s like I’m at the right place at the right time.

This is the place where I know not to cross the line.

Sometimes I feel like this is the place I’m meant to be, Where I could let my stress out and let in peace.

Everytime I step in, all I hear is cheers,

‘cause no one in here has any fears.

I mean, everyone’s in a good mood, ‘cause in here our hearts have been loosed.

If there’s any type of conflict, It’ll be all gone when they’ve changed the subject.

I always see people fall, But mainly I see people standing tall.

The Lord’s in this place, so don’t try to dodge.

‘Cause when the time comes, He will be your judge.

So don’t come in here and think you’re too cool, ‘cause you’re gonna come out looking like a fool.

When you come in here, you see people cryin’ – It’s because they know they’ve been forgiven.

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FRUIT. Magazine

CD Giveaway

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FRUIT magazine has partnered with The Alpha Project to offer you a free CD! Just write an essay, poem, or song on the topic “My Past Won’t Define My Future,” fill out a submission form and mail it to us. We will then mail a copy of “The Alpha Project” to your home address! We will also publish your work in our next issue and mail you a copy when it comes out!

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fresh picks

music reviews

Rise

Love, Hope, War

Artist: Skillet

Artist: Da T.R.U.T.H.

Skillet has been a household name in the Christian Rock/CCM music scene since their breakthrough album, Comatose, which also flung them into the mainstream music industry. Their next album, Awake, which debuted in 2009, was certainly a great album, but not quite as strong as Comatose.

Now with a new album on the rise (pun intended), Skillet has proven themselves to be able to expand their horizons. Not only is this their first concept album, but their musicianship has vastly improved! The story of this album is about a typical American teenager who realizes the terrible things happening in life (i.e. school shootings, wars, natural disasters), but also realizes the spiritual battle that is occurring inside.

After listening to this album, I had to do a selfevaluation. Da’ Truth really hits on all three aspects of the title. For instance, he talks about what love really is in the sight of God and how Christians need to show it at all times. This will help us stand out and maybe show people what this Jesus that we rant and rave about is really like. Hope describes how as Christians, not only do we have hope in Jesus Christ but how we give hope to everyone around the world. Finally, he talks about war. Not only war within ourselves, but war for our Christianity.

This album reminds us that we must still fight using our greatest weapons - Love and Hope!

Rise does not disappoint. It is one of the most musical and musically diverse albums they have made yet. As they have grown, they have definitely matured both musically and spiritually and you can hear that in the composition of the music as well as the content of the words. I would definitely recommend this album to anyone that likes Christian contemporary or hard rock. These guys knocked it out of the park with this one.

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Review by Kevin Davis

Da T.R.U.T.H. left it all on the table with this project. I’ve always enjoyed his talent and skill to deliver Christ to the culture. This album is nothing short of amazingly inspiring!

Beyond the awesome message of hope and love in the midst of war, the beats are fresh and the lyrics are creative. You need to get this album!

Review by Demontray Hankins

book reviews

fresh picks

Stronger: 40 Days of Metal and Spirituality

Makin’ It: A Story of Hope

If you’re like a lot of people, some of the Christians that you know might be a little hard to relate to. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to be preached to.

Nothing makes me more frustrated than someone attempting to give me advice while coming across as if they are somehow better than me because of their particular life experiences. This is why I recommend Stronger: Forty Days of Metal and Spirituality by Brian “Head” Welch, former lead guitarist of the band KoЯn.

Makin It: A Story of Hope is a graphic novel that tells the story of Tony, a kid from the innerstreets of Houston who has had more than his share of tough times. Through a series of bad choices, Tony finds himself on a life path filled with gangs, drugs, alcohol and jail, but a path that eventually leads him to a positive turnaround. Unfortunately, as with many of us, Tony had to learn the hard way and for a while, with only his grandmother, Mama Ruth as a positive influence in his life.

This book is not a typical biography and certainly not a typical devotional book. It’s an easy-to-read, one-chapter-a-day journey with Brian as he takes you through some of the ups and downs of his spiritual life, connecting each day to significant scripture passages that have helped guide him along. He shares his life in easy to relate to stories that are funny, edgy, and sometimes pretty dark. He never seems judgmental or “preachy” and most of the time, you feel as if you’re listening to a good friend who sincerely cares about you.

Never knowing his real father and having a mother more interested in partying than being a mom, Tony has only Mama Ruth as a loving and stable influence in his life. He eventually finds Drayton, an uncle that had been through some tough times, too; and Camile, a girl his own age who has also had some troubles, but was beginning to figure things out. Both help Tony learn that every decision has consequences.

Author: Brian “Head” Welch Genre: Auto-Biography

Not only does Brian avoid judging others for their faults and failures, but he makes it very clear how messed up he used to be, and still is, for that matter. In fact, he admits quite often that he’s a “pretty odd nut job sometimes” and that is what makes this book so refreshing.

He is honest and real, often confessing that he is the “worst of sinners” and having no problem acknowledging that the “log” in his eye is much bigger than the “splinter” that might be in yours. Brian doesn’t try to force his Christian faith on you and doesn’t necessarily try to make you see things exactly as he does. Like a friend, he shares his life with you and then leaves it up to you to decide what to believe. But one thing is for sure, you won’t walk away from this book without some interest in knowing more about this God who has changed Brian’s life.

Review by Jake Kampe

Author: Ben Humeniuk Genre: Fiction

Tony finally comes to a crossroads when he has to decide where he wants his life to go. Drayton helps him see that he can continue following “the code of the street,” or he can choose a new positive path based on God’s code for life. And Camile helps Tony to see that trust comes not only from words, but from the actions that back them up. He begins to understand that he has to accept responsibility for his own life and that his actions affect people in ways that he never imagined. Tony also begins to see that there are things more important than violence and partying. Love, forgiveness, and making peace with others become goals that Tony eventually begins to seek with all his effort.

Tony’s story is not sugar-coated and doesn’t turn out perfectly. He stumbles and falls along the way. But with a new faith in God, he learns that there can be hope for the future and that changing your life is not only possible, but can be a reality.

Review by Jake Kampe

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rescued from the

darkness Tera Swigart

L

et me start off by saying that I rarely share this part of my past. Few christians today, and even fewer non-christians, believe in the reality of Satan and demons.

So when I felt God leading me to share my experience in spiritual warfare (the literal, ongoing warfare between God and Satan), I honestly didn’t want to. I was nervous about what others would think. However, what I went through was absolutely true - whether others believe it or not – and people need to become aware of this reality. Spiritual warfare is rarely discussed, even in the Church. Because of what I have witnessed in my own life and the lives of others, I know that God and Satan, as well as angels and demons, are very real.

The root of practically every temptation Satan uses to draw us away from God is pride. When we think we know more than God and seek to control circumstances and people around us, we are acting out of pride. When we act out of pride, we are opposed to God. Satan tempts us with the lie that if we have full control of our lives, we will be happy and have peace. However, the opposite happens. When we try to control things around us through emotional manipulation, fear, money, praying out of selfishness - demanding things that

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go against God’s Will, or occult practices (witchcraft, fortune telling, astrology, Satanism, etc.), we will end up depressed and frustrated. Why? It is because GOD is the only one that knows everything. He is the only one that sees how all the pieces fit together. He has a divine and perfect will for our lives. When we take over control, we just mess everything up.

Jesus paid the full price for our sins on the cross and His salvation is free to those who believe and willingly hand over control of their lives to Him. When we humbly surrender our will to God, we will experience the supernatural power of God working in our lives. Our willingness to surrender all to Him will lead to God’s ultimate purpose – our freedom and His glory.

Conversely, as you will see through my story, when we seek to control our circumstances through any of the previously mentioned methods, we are not really in control at all. We are choosing to give control over to the lesser supernatural power of Satan.

That always comes at a HIGH price and will only lead to his ultimate purpose - our destruction.

God doesn’t want anyone else to fall into this trap and that is why I am sharing my story with you.

When I was very young, around the age of four, I was introduced to both sources of supernatural power.

One I was aware of: God. Although we didn’t go to church, my mother taught us about God and Jesus – she was a Christian. I’m not sure if my dad considered himself a Christian then or not. The other source of supernatural power, Satan, I was not aware of - not consciously anyway. I learned years later that my father had been involved in occult practices before and during this time. He practiced white magick, claiming he did it to help people. My mother worked and prayed for years to get my father to stop, but since he was in the military and often away from home, he could practice without her knowing.

photo: Thomas Claveirole

She finally succeeded in convincing my father, who grew up in a Christian home, that what he was doing was wrong, and he quit. But, unbeknownst to either of my parents, it had already had an impact on me. I remember talking to Satan often. One time I couldn’t find my hairbrush and asked Satan to help me find it. How did I even know to do that? How did I even think of that? I honestly believe that there was a demonic presence in our house due to my father’s involvement in witchcraft and divination, and as a young child, I was aware of it. I had recurring nightmares where I saw the earth open up and out of the darkness came a black figure, giant and scary. I knew in my dream that it was Satan coming to take me and I was terrified.

Somewhere along the way, we started going to church. I had learned some about Jesus from my mom, as I mentioned earlier, but now I was learning more about who He was, what He was like, and about His power to protect. This came at just the right time, because soon afterward, I experienced something that far too many kids have – I was sexually molested. The man was my friend’s father and it happened while I was spending the night at her

house. Though I didn’t understand it at the time, I can now see that my complete inability to stop what was happening to me laid a foundation in fear of not being in control. I didn’t tell anyone about it and just avoided staying overnight at friends’ houses.

This also led to a strong fear of men. Surprisingly, this only increased my curiosity about Jesus. I loved learning about Him and knowing that He cared about me and looked after me. I knew he was a man I could trust.

There isn’t much else I remember around this age except one vivid memory of another dream I had. It was very short, but I can still see it clearly.

In my dream I could see myself on a movie screen. I was standing in the middle of a desert and there was a massive war raging all around me. I was alone in the middle of the fighting. Then Jesus appeared from the left side of the screen, walked over to me, took my hand, and led me back the way He came. That was it. That’s how short it was and it has remained fresh in my mind ever since.

While I didn’t have the words or courage to tell my parents what my friend’s father had done, God knew and used that dream to comfort me and help me feel safe. As I got older, I felt as though the dream was meant to tell me something more specific. Now, I believe he was showing me the spiritual warfare I was going to face and was promising to never leave my side. He hasn’t yet – and He never will.

A couple of years later, we moved to a new city, I started first grade, and life was much different. My father was out of the military, working a “regular” job and we started going to Church as a family. We even attended Vacation Bible School and Sunday School.

I loved it. I loved God. I loved Jesus. When I was seven years old, I decided I wanted to follow Christ.

I wanted to please Him, to be forgiven for my sins, and I wanted my life to line up with His will. I meant it with all my heart. I talked with our Pastor about my decision for hours - at least it seemed like hours, but it was probably more like thirty minutes.

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The next Sunday, I walked down the aisle of church during invitation to share my decision with the congregation. Soon after, my older sister made the same decision and then my entire family was baptized together. I believe this was the point when my parents decided to start following Christ completely.

There was a huge change in our family. My parents became great examples of Christ’s love and generosity. I knew that they prayed before decisions and tried their best to live the way God wanted them to, and they still do to this day.

The next three years weren’t perfect, but they were pretty good. I was basically the cookie cutter Christian child. I tried my best to be kind to everyone, to make good grades, to share Jesus with my friends, and to obey my parents. But that came to an abrupt end the summer between fourth and fifth grade. My parents decided we were moving to another state for my dad’s job. I honestly do not know why, but this was a BIG deal to me. I didn’t want to go, told my parents so, and begged to stay. I didn’t want to leave my friends and all that was comfortable to me.

Despite my best efforts, my temper tantrums didn’t stop their plans and we packed up and moved.

I was extremely depressed and angry. My mother literally had to hold the lock down in the minivan the entire trip or I’d have thrown the door open while we were going down the freeway. At one rest stop, I took off running into the woods as fast as I could. I don’t know where I thought I’d go, but I just felt like I had to run away. I was sure I’d find my way home.

My dad caught up with me and dragged me back to the van. Now I look back at this time and feel so guilty for what I put my parents through.

The state we moved to was beautiful, and we lived in a house that was over one hundred years old, with a hand dug basement, an awesome attic that my

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parents painted black and white for me, and that sat on over 10 acres of gorgeous terrain. The small town we lived in was part of Amish country, and we often saw their horse drawn carriages and shopped at the same stores. I wish I‘d enjoyed it more. Instead, I was a horrible. I’d hide for entire days, throw fits, and generally drive everyone crazy - especially my poor sister, who was excited about the move.

After the summer however, my father discovered the company he was working for was involved in some shady business, so he took a job back in the same city we’d moved from. We packed up and moved back to the very same neighborhood.

That move was another experience in my life that helps reveal how I went from a cookie cutter Christian child to a suicidal teenager involved in the occult. Not that my parents moving us to another state was the cause or even part of the cause… it was my response to it. This was the second time in my life that I really felt like I had no control over what was happening to me and instead of trusting God, I freaked out. No matter how much I cried, kicked, screamed, prayed, and begged, I was still forced to submit to the will of someone else, in this case, my parents.

The summer between my 5th and 6th grade year, an older friend from youth group introduced me to Joe and Robert. They were going to be 8th graders at the school I was going to attend. They were unlike any of the boys I knew. They were skaters and were obviously older in the way they acted and spoke.

What was perhaps the most dangerous distinction between them and the boys I knew - they were cute.

I was very shy then, so I just sat on the sidelines when we hung out and let my friend do all of the talking. I think they took to me like people are drawn to a skittish puppy. I became their pet. They loved to pick on me like the little kid I was.

After school started, I quickly realized that regardless of what “clique” any of my schoolmates were a part of, it was glaringly obvious that I did not fit in.

But to my surprise, Joe and Robert made an effort to find me wherever I went to hide and insisted on me being their pet. In fact, I became the pet of that entire group. The older girls doted on me – though I am fairly certain the girls would not have been quite

so nice to me if they didn’t think it was earning them brownie points with Joe and Robert – who apparently were quite popular. Before long, I was spending most of my spare time with all of them. I began dressing like them and listening to the same music.

The change wasn’t an overnight, conscious effort to fit in, but in the more natural way people tend to slowly dress and act more like those they spend most of their time around. It was fun and it felt good to be a part of something different. It also felt good to get the attention of Joe and Robert – even though I would have preferred a role other than “pet.”

I was still going to church and still loved Jesus, but I wasn’t quite as passionate. I kept going physically, but I was more concerned with having fun and spending time with my new friends than with God. Honestly, I didn’t have a healthy fear of God at that point in my life - but I did still have an unhealthy fear of not being in control. This was strengthened as I lost several loved ones and felt as if I should’ve been able to protect them somehow. I also didn’t want people to think I wasn’t fun or that I was a little girl, so I began to behave in ways I knew were wrong.

Plus, I still had a fear of anyone controlling me and would rebel against whoever attempted it. The rebellious nature of my new friends is part of what attracted me to them.

ing out in a person what is hiding just below the surface. It can inspire one to put feet to thoughts. It can inspire the thoughts themselves.

Music wasn’t the enemy. The enemy uses music as a tool. If someone struggles with depression, listening to too much sad country music can be dangerous.

Someone who is trying to quit marijuana probably shouldn’t listen to certain classic rock songs or Cypress HilI. Obviously, if you have a tendency toward something that has negative consequences, listening to music, watching movies, or hanging out in places that promote that behavior isn’t smart; it’s just asking for trouble – and I was asking for trouble.

However, I didn’t know that I had a tendency toward occult activities due to my father’s involvement with them. I was still unaware of that part of his life and whenever I heard about those kinds of things, I thought of them as fiction – just stuff you see in movies. I didn’t realize the extreme danger I was putting myself in. I did know, however, that what I was listening to wasn’t pleasing to God. That should have been enough to make me turn it off. But as I mentioned earlier, I didn’t have a healthy fear of God – and like Proverbs 1:7 says,

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

I certainly was being foolish and lacked wisdom.

I began listening to classic rock, metal, and grunge.

Most of these didn’t have much influence over me and I still listen to many of the same bands I listened to then. Though I will say that some of the songs didn’t help with the depression that began creeping up on me. The worst came when I began listening to death metal. I do not listen to any of those bands anymore, in fact, just hearing their names makes my stomach turn. It was a very bad path for me to go down.

I’m not saying this music made me do anything. Not every person who listens to death metal is going to make the same choices I did. I know plenty of people who didn’t. Just like listening to Gangster Rap doesn’t mean you are going to go kill someone.

However, I will say this: music - just like any other form of media - can be a major contributor in bring-

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Several of my new friends, including Joe and Robert, were into various types of occultism - Wicca, Satanism, Astrology, and so on. Regardless of what each type of occult practice says of itself, if their practices or beliefs do not agree with the Bible – it’s from Satan. Some believe the power is from God or nature, but the Bible is VERY clear about this. See Deuteronomy 18: 9-12:

“When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord.”

I, regrettably, did not heed those warnings. I still thought what I was doing was relatively harmless.

So, as I began to learn more about different occult practices, life seemed to become more exciting.

It was dangerous and intriguing, and it seemed to make me more intriguing to people. I started out small with things like party games. I remember my best friend and I sitting outside in the street at a party trying to talk to spirits using a Ouija Board. It worked. We both didn’t believe that the other wasn’t making it happen at first, but the look of confusion and surprise on each other’s faces let us know that it was for real. This caused my friend to laugh and think no more about it, while it only whet my appetite.

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It progressed from there to reading and learning spells and studying astrology. I began asking Satan to show me things about people. I asked for power and strength. As my interest in the occult deepened, so did my depression. Out of this, something new rose up in me - hate. I had always loved everyone and had always had great compassion for others.

But I began to be filled with hate and anger, and I wanted other people to fear me, especially those who tried to control me - mainly my parents, my older sister, and my teachers. I looked for opportunities to let out my rage. Though around my friends, I still remained all smiles and jokes (unless I lost my temper).

My friendship with Joe and Robert grew as well. My role of pet turned into that of little sister and they became the protective older brothers. While they “protected” me from guys they didn’t think I should be around and tried to keep me from using drugs, they didn’t protect me from what I needed most. Joe actually played a key role in furthering my education in the occult. He was always getting locked up and from there, would send me copies of spells and demonic drawings. I cherished them because they were from him, which I thought they gave us a deeper connection. I didn’t realize what they literally brought into my home.

My grades dropped; I was constantly in trouble at school and home. I would have fits of rage in the house, one time pinning my dad against a wall - and he is not a small man. I could not have done it in my own power. I threw knives and telephones at my sister. I called my mom every name in the book. I ran away often. I cursed out my teachers and principals, started fights, got arrested, drank and smoked. The thing I was most willing to risk my relationship with God and my family for was CONTROL. I learned how to control people with my anger, manipulative emotions, and was learning how to control them through spells. I wanted to learn more about how to tell the future. I thought that if I could tell the future, I could avoid being hurt. I remember one time when Robert went missing and I became increasingly worried and desperate to find out if he was okay. I

finally called a friend of mine who I knew had a Ouija board. I could not go to her house, but asked her to ask for me. She talked me through how to “join her.”

I remember lying on my bed staring up at my ceiling and looking down on her and the Ouija board and getting my answer. He was okay. I felt as though I had controlled something that was otherwise uncontrollable. I was able to see what others couldn’t. I felt prideful. I felt powerful and the spirit of the enemy whispered to me that I could be even more powerful.

You see, I exchanged trusting Jesus for a chance at controlling my own life and those around me. Satan dangled it in front of me, allowed me the use of his power, and had me think it was my own. He knew what bait to use with me and I took it – hook, line, and sinker.

And sink I did - until I was nearly drowned. Over the next year, that “whisper” I mentioned before became a full-blown audible voice. I would hear it at all times of the day. I couldn’t make it stop. I had no power over it. The voice called me his daughter and told me that I was going to be very powerful. It told me that I was special. Then… Then it changed. It began to tell me I was worthless. It would tell me to cut myself – and I did. It would say my name constantly and I’d have to pretend I didn’t hear it. It would tell me how beautiful it would be for me to kill myself. I had visions, too, visions of doing horrible violence to people – especially my mother. It breaks my heart to even admit it. I’m so ashamed. But it is the truth.

Why my mother? Because she was aware of what I was involved in and was doing something about it. She found my music, my drawings and writings, and she recognized the difference in me as the same thing she’d seen in my father. She got on her knees and began praying for my protection. Her prayers made her my enemy without me even realizing it.

She took the brunt of my behavior. I didn’t know she was praying for me, but the enemy did and he wasn’t going down without a fight. I was cool with my father – for the most part - because he was still in denial about what I was doing.

I was taken to several counselors and psychologists and was on an anti-depressant. While it helped some, I still needed something more to get rid of what I had brought into my life. Prayer was the only weapon powerful enough to reach me, and my mom went into battle daily for me while I went through the scariest time of my life.

I had completely stopped going to church – unless forced by my parents. I would often sit on my bed, get out pen and paper, and literally feel my hand writing and drawing as I watched like a bystander.

I would examine it afterward to see what it was “showing” me. It was well-drawn and well-written, but the subject matter was all about submission, violence, and death. I also cut symbols on myself that I thought I’d made up. It wasn’t until much later that I saw those same symbols in a book my mother was reading about the occult. They were satanic symbols and I thought they were just doodles.

I would cry uncontrollably for no obvious reason. I remember scratching my nails down my face as hard as I could and pulling my hair out by handfuls. The pain felt good to me. Mind you, I did all of this in secret, while putting on a happy face in front of others.

I would cut myself and daydream about committing suicide - imagining the relief death would bring from all of the darkness around me. I felt hopeless, worthless, and suffocated from the constant evil presence around me. I literally didn’t sleep at night. Instead, I’d sleep at school, at friends’ houses, or outside.

My stomach was constantly in a knot. But even during this time of complete rebellion from God, He continued to reach out to me.

One day when I was walking to a friend’s house, a lady passed me in her car, then turned her car around and pulled up beside me. I looked normal.

I wasn’t crying or dressed particularly strange, but she still looked a little nervous as she asked to talk to me. I was polite, went to her window and listened as she said, “I know this is going to sound strange to you, but I felt God telling me to turn around and tell you that He loves you and isn’t giving up on you.” I appeared calm, smiled, and thanked her. She said she’d be praying for me, returned my smile, and drove away. I wish I could thank her in person now. She never knew how her obedience to deliver God’s message to me changed my life. As I continued walking, I prayed for the first time in years. I felt so relieved to hear that He hadn’t given up on me – even with all I’d done.

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I am convinced that this incident was a direct answer to my mother’s prayers. It was through her prayers and the guidance of my wonderful Christian counselor that I began to seek a way out of the darkness. Hope was just about to dawn. A famous quote says, “the darkest hour is just before the dawn.” For me, this was absolutely true. I quit listening to Death Metal and got rid of most of my occult material, but things just got worse.

The problem was that I didn’t know how to quit through God’s power – and I was too ashamed to ask. I thought I had to “clean up my mess” before I could have a relationship with God again. I didn’t understand that God was the only one who could clean up my mess and that He actually wanted to!

So instead, I hoped that once I stopped participating in the occult stuff, Satan and his demons would leave me alone. Unfortunately, I was very, very wrong. You see, Satan won’t let go without a fight and he doesn’t fight fair. When I dared to fight him in my own power, I learned quickly that all the “power” I thought I had was an illusion and that all my “strength” was a joke.

The one voice I was used to hearing multiplied and become unbearable. It was like hearing a room full of people talking to me all at one time and not being able to plug my ears. I would cry and run into my parents’ room, begging for the voices to stop.

During the nights following my decision to quit, I’d lie in bed and would feel a weight on my chest. Not a metaphorical weight, a real weight of something pushing against me. Sometimes it was beside me as well. My stomach would ache and I would sit up in bed, pulling my knees against my chest as hard as I could, and wait for morning.

One night when I was sitting in bed the voices came again, but they weren’t whispered in my ear, instead they were shouting all around me. My shelves and bed began to shake and stuff began to fall off. I then felt hands pressing against my face and head pushing me around. I began screaming at the top of my lungs for help and no one heard me. My sister’s room was right next door to mine and my parents’ was directly across the hall. I finally got the courage to run to my parents’ room where they were sleep-

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ing soundly. It was impossible for them not to hear me, but they didn’t. I spent the rest of that night, and most nights after that, on the floor in their room.

Another night, I got up to go in the living room and watch TV ‘til morning – as I often did to escape the suffocation of my room. But when I got to the entrance to the living room, I heard pots and pans being moved in the kitchen. Our kitchen was on the opposite side of the living room and was divided by a wall, so I could not see in. My dad often got up to sneak a midnight snack, and normally those sounds comforted me because having him up made me feel safe. But this time it felt different. Fear stopped my feet from entering the living room. I said, “Dad?” and I heard his voice say my name with no inflection. I said, “Dad, what are you doing?” Instead of answering me, he said my name again in the same tone.

My body turned cold. I just started screaming, “Dad! Dad!” My dad came running from his bedroom. I’d woken him out of a dead sleep. I told him what had happened, hugged him and cried. I believe this was what caused my dad to finally come out of denial.

He joined my mom in the fight to free me from the grip of the enemy, who was doing what scripture warns about - seeking to devour me (1 Peter 5:8).

The next evening, my father came to my room and told me about his history of practicing witchcraft.

For the first time I felt like I wasn’t alone and like I wasn’t crazy. My father further explained to me about being a child of God and the power we possess through the Holy Spirit. He read me 1 John 4:4, “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world” and “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). I can’t describe the relief I felt in hearing these words. I understood that God wanted to fight the battle with me – and so did my parents. My dad taught me how to pray a spiritual warfare prayer and to put on the full armor of God as the apostle Paul taught in Ephesians 6:10 – 18. I repented of my sins and asked God to forgive me and to rescue me. My dad warned me that it wasn’t going to be easy, but that I had the victory. He told me that I might have to pray continually to keep the enemy at bay – and he was absolutely right.

That same night I was sitting in bed when that presence resumed its place and the voices started.

I said, out loud, “Satan and your demons, I command you to leave in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.” Instantly - not a few minutes later, not after I’d finished my sentence, but at the very sound of Jesus’ name, it stopped. I was amazed. I felt relief beyond any I have felt since. The presence

did come back several times that night, but I had my weapon - my Savior - and every time I prayed His name, it stopped.

After several months of continual prayer and one week at youth camp where I was able to really renew my relationship with Christ, the light began to dawn and the enemy began to retreat. When I got home from camp, I began to look through a book my mom had been reading about the dangers of the Occult. In reading it, I learned that demonic presence is invited in with items that have satanic meaning, and I remembered the letters and artwork from Joe that were still under my bed. Also, I still had some CDs and clothes/jewelry that had satanic symbols on them. I gathered up everything in my room related to the Occult, took it outside, and burned it in a trashcan. One of my friends came by and laughed at me, but I didn’t care.

From then on, my mind and heart were changed.

Christ took His place as my Lord and my deliverer.

For the first time in nearly two years, I was able to sleep the entire night in my own room. I woke up to find I was lying on my back, legs stretched out, with no stomach pain! I thanked God and told Him I would never stop thanking Him for the gift of restful sleep. I still thank Him for it now. The anger and hate were gone. I began to love my family and friends the way I used to and when I laughed and smiled, it was for real.

About a year later, I had the amazing honor of witnessing both Robert and Joe delivered from the same darkness that had trapped me. They both made the decision to follow Christ and were baptized. I have since been able to help many others seek God’s deliverance from that same darkness.

This stuff is very real and it seems to be more prevalent now. I’m grateful that God has forgiven me for my past and used my mistakes to help warn others.

People are drawn to the supernatural - that’s why

there are so many television shows, movies, and books about ghost stories, magic, and miracles.

We also naturally try to control what is around us.

Satan combines these two desires and puts the lie out there that we can have the super-natural power to control - whether through occultism, money, education, drugs, emotional manipulation, fear, or perfectionism. Though these things may give us a taste of being in control, the truth is that whatever we put our faith in – aside from God - begins to control us and we become enslaved to it. Satan becomes the puppet master and millions of us are moving based on his commands - without even knowing it.

God, however, never feeds us the lie that we can be in control, but he does give us a choice to surrender to His authority or not. Because of this, most people push away from Him. But for those who learn that it is in our best interest not to be in control, we can willfully surrender control to God because of His perfect, just, and merciful character. We know that His will is best for us. We can then walk through our lives freely, filled with hope, peace, love, and courage. Christians are not omitted from falling into the trap of the enemy. We have to be diligent. We have to face the reality of our enemy. We have to trust God as our Commanderin-Chief and follow His commands that will lead us to victory.

I now see that every detour I’ve taken from God has been an attempt to control. I am still learning how to trust God completely. The closer I draw to him, the more peace and joy I receive. I have lived out and still cling to Colossians 1:13; “For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves.”

I am so grateful He chose to rescue me and will never leave me, just like He promised nearly thirty years ago. I hope that if you find yourself trying to control everything around you or trying to chase happiness down every dark path, that you will take a minute to weigh the risks. Only God brings true joy, true peace, and true freedom.

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fruit of the vine

devotional

photo: sludgegulper

“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”

– Psalm 147:3

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Is it just me or does it seem like every

year the holiday commercials start airing sooner? I cringe, when in mid-October, several festive commercials creep onto my television screen. It reminds me of why I need to mail my remote control to the Bermuda Triangle with no return address on the package. It also reminds me it’s that time of year in which I should anticipate regular sightings of a frequent holiday party crasher who regularly shows up uninvited. You might know him. He goes by the name Loneliness.

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Loneliness’ reputation precedes him because he’s so familiar. He’s notorious for whispering lies to us like: “Nobody cares about you” or “Bad attention is better than no attention at all.” He constricts the heart, rendering us unable to sense God’s grace, thus causing us to exaggerate the adversities of life and make our burdens seem heavier than they really are. He also clouds our thinking and prevents us from recognizing the difference between being lonely and being alone. “Lonely” implies a disquieting emptiness characterized by feelings of isolation. “Alone” suggests being without companionship or association. In the life of a Christian, loneliness just might make his way to you.

But Christians are never alone because the Spirit of God lives in us and is omnipresent. Where we are, He is.

This particular verse of scripture is a great encouragement to those who struggle with Loneliness. When the Psalmist says, “He heals the broken-

funeral

A worth attending

by Malcolm Marshall hearted,” literally he’s saying that God thoroughly repairs those who are internally crushed and broken into pieces.

If you’ve ever waged war with Loneliness, you can probably relate to feeling as if you’re no different than a shattered Christmas ornament. Fear not though.

Our God’s deep sympathy with mourners is a special mark of His goodness, and He willingly chooses to associate with the despondent. In “binding up our wounds,” this verse makes mention of God providing protection. The word “wounds” here originates from a Hebrew word for “griefs.” It’s only fitting that grief is the price of the victor’s coronation.

a ministry to die, you have to quit feeding it. Is your Loneliness being nourished and strengthened by your own diffidence? If so, here’s the solution: be willing to bury your sorrows in active service contributing to other people’s joy. In finding an unmet need and pouring yourself into it, Loneliness dies and the funeral procession begins.

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“Loneliness is modern-day leprosy and people I’m not sure how many people would stand up in public and openly admit this, don’t want others but one of man’s greatest fears is to live in anonymity. Living as if no one knew you to know they’re existed could arguably be worse than not lepers.” living at all. When that happens, Loneliness has all he needs to manipulate our insecurities for his own benefit. There’s an old adage in church work that if you want

– Mother Theresa 22

the dig

unearthing the truth about God

Why Wait?

by Dylan McCabe

“Wait until marriage for sex—what a joke!”

That’s what most people think. But what about you? Should you wait until marriage for sex? Or, like almost everyone else, do you believe waiting until marriage for sex is a joke? Well, you have your opinion, and I have mine. But in the end there’s only one opinion that matters, and that’s God’s opinion.

But you might be thinking to yourself, “Why do I care what God says about sex?” Good question.

God created the moon and the stars, the sun and every galaxy, angelic beings and humans. God even created sex. But when people turn away from God, what He created as good gets twisted and distorted, like a bad dream.

The bad dream has turned to reality. We live in a culture obsessed with sex. From movies to shopping malls to commercials on TV, we get bombarded by sexual images. A lie has spread through our culture that says waiting until marriage for sex is ridiculous.

Not only has the culture believed this lie, many in the church believe it, too.

When we have sex before marriage, we are living for the present. We think, “Why wait?” We don’t think sex before marriage will affect our future. When we reject God’s plan for marriage, we engage in sex without the safe boundaries God created. We might think no one should tell us what we can and can’t do. We might think God should never create any boundaries. But think with me about boundaries for a minute.

God created boundaries to enhance life, not hinder

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it. Think about a dolphin. That beautiful sea creature can soar through the ocean. It can jump and flip through the air, all the while making joyful sounds as it goes. But the dolphin is bound to the ocean.

It was designed by God to live under water. Take it out of its environment - the boundary God created as good - and it will die. The dolphin’s boundary is actually what gives it freedom to swim and play and protects it.

People, like dolphins, were made to live in a specific way with our own boundaries. But when those boundaries get tossed aside, the consequences make life dangerous. What are the consequences of a “why wait” mindset?

Here’s just a few.

Spiritual Death or Discipline: All sin brings death.

Death means separation. The Bible says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Sex outside of marriage is a sin. We have all sinned in some way or other, so we all face the punishment of death. However, if we repent and give our lives to following Christ we can be saved from spiritual death. Even then, if we continue to sin we can experience a feeling of separation from God, (Romans 8:6,13). We will not be able to hear Him clearly and He won’t be able to use us fully if we are knowingly sinning. Nothing, not even sex, compares with the thrill of being used by God, and seeing him at work around you - I promise!

STDs (Sexually transmitted diseases): Sex outside of marriage spreads STDs like a wildfire. This fire affects more people than you think. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control) conducted a study which produced shocking results: Young people (ages 15-24) are particularly affected. They make

up half of all new STDs. And many people infected by these diseases don’t even know it. These diseases, such as HIV, AIDS, Hepatitis, Herpes, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, HPV, and many more can be life threatening, painful, and some are incurable. Is it really worth the risk?

Unplanned Pregnancies: Many who have sex before marriage create unplanned pregnancies.

An unplanned pregnancy can lead to depression, dropping out of school, break ups, financial issues, and abortions.

Abortion: A survey by the Census Bureau revealed that in 2007, 83.7% of abortions in America were performed on unmarried women. Beyond the loss of a child, women who receive abortions also face physical complications, including future fertility issues, physical pain, and even depression.

Separation from God, STDs, unplanned pregnancies, and abortions are non-existant or significantly reduced when you wait (even if that means you start now) until you are married to have sex. We could prevent most of this pain and suffering by following God’s plan. Waiting till marriage to have sex protects you, and brings many blessings. This also means that you wait to get married until it is the person God has planned for you. You want to make sure your spouse is a believer and has the same values as you do. Marriage is not the cure-all, GOD is the cure-all.

His plan for your marriage will protect you and bring the following blessings:

1- You will experience true love - when a person waits to have sex until marriage, you get to know each other as friends first, you will know they respect and love you beyond the physical.

2- You will enjoy closeness with God as you live life the way He designed it to be lived.

3- You will protect your life and your spouse’s life from the painful problems of sinful living.

4- Your future spouse will respect you and feel honored that you chose to wait for them alone.

5- You will be more prepared for having children, and will bring them into a loving, committed family.

6- You can enjoy sex fully without feeling worried, guilty or ashamed afterward.

The Bible tells us to “flee from sexual immorality.”

(1 Cor. 6:19) Yet inside of a marriage, sex can bring incredible joy as seen in the book, The Song of Songs.

Don’t believe the popular lie about sex before marriage. Don’t roll the dice with your future like some game of craps. Rather, live for your future marriage! Like an architect who draws plans for a beautiful building, plan for your marriage in advance.

God’s way is the way of no regrets. Obeying Him brings blessing. Build a future you can rejoice in.

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Ever had a question about God that you just can’t seem to find the answer to? While we won’t be able to answer everything, we will do our best to answer some tough questions from our readers. Send us your question and it may be chosen for our next issue of FRUIT magazine!

Freestyle Ministries, the dig P.O. Box 1420, League City, Texas 77574

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Book Recommendations: Below are two great books about overcoming sexual temptation:

Every Young Man’s Battle

by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker &

Every Young Woman’s Battle

by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburn

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gangs 2 glory living free

The Interview:

Talking with a Houston Gang Member by James Odom James Odom: So, tell me your name.

Gang Member: It’s none of your business.

JO: I don’t need to know your real name. How about nickname?

GM: My homeboys call me Sleepy.

JO: Why do they call you Sleepy?

GM: Because it always looks like I’m tired.

JO: Are you always tired?

GM: No, I just like to get blazed so I always look that way.

JO:

What’s “getting blazed” mean?

GM: It means I smoke.

JO: Cigarettes?

GM: Cigarettes, weed, whatever.

JO: How long have you been smoking?

GM: Since I was a kid everyone else did it around me so I figured I’d try it, too.

JO: Who’s everyone else?

GM: People in the hood, people in my house, everyone around me.

JO: People in your house smoked marijuana?

GM: Yeah, why?

JO: I’m just curious, that’s all. You mentioned “the hood,” - what is that?

GM: My neighborhood, where I grew up.

JO: Is your hood dangerous?

GM: You could say that, everyone bangs.

JO: Bangs as in Gang-Banging?

GM: Yeah, everyone bangs.

JO: Do you?

GM: Yeah, you could say that.

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JO: So you’re in a gang?

GM: Something like that, it’s more like a family.

JO: Do they take care of you like a family and buy you things?

GM: Naw, they don’t buy me anything but they protect me.

JO: From what?

GM: Other gangs.

JO: Why do you need protection from other gangs?

GM: Cause that’s what happens when you bang, you always have beef with other gangs.

JO: Beef?

GM: Conflict, misunderstandings, disagreements, you know…beef.

JO: What happens if you have beef with another gang and your friends are not around?

GM: You mean my homeboys?

JO: Yes, what happens if they’re not around?

GM: I could get jumped, beat up, stabbed, or maybe even shot.

JO: You could die?

GM: Maybe, that’s why I try not to get caught slippin’.

JO: “Slippin” means getting caught by yourself without your homeboys?

GM: Haha, yeah that’s right.

JO: Being in a gang sounds dangerous, is it?

GM: You could say that. I’ve seen a bunch of people get shot; I even lost a few homeboys, now they’re just buried in the dirt.

JO: So why don’t you just get out?

GM: It doesn’t work that way. I’m trapped in this lifestyle till I die.

JO:

You’re not trapped; you can get out if you really want to.

GM: Maybe, but I’m not sure I want that right now.

JO: Why not? What are you afraid of?

GM: I’m not afraid of nothing, I just don’t know how to be all good and stuff.

JO: What do you mean “all good and stuff”?

GM: You know, like talk all proper and dress like a nerd with my pants all high.

JO: You think that’s what regular people do?

GM: Well, yeah. They’re all goody-good and that’s not me.

JO: That could be you. You don’t have to be all goody-good but you could learn how to be successful if you really wanted to. Don’t you want to be successful one day and have a good job that allows you to make money? That would be the life right? You wouldn’t have to worry about getting caught slipping or having beef with other gangs all the time.

GM: Yeah, that would be nice but it sounds like a lot of work.

JO: It is a lot of work, nothing valuable comes easy in life. We have to work hard for the things we want.

The harder you work, the more successful you can be. Are you scared to leave the gang?

GM: Naw, but those guys don’t play. They might try to kill me.

JO: Your homeboys would try to kill you? That’s not cool. Aren’t there other gangs trying to kill you right now anyway?

GM: Yeah, other gangs have shot at me before. I don’t think my homeboys would try to kill me though, people have got out before. Sometimes they just disappear and sometimes we just jump them out.

JO: Would you ever consider getting out?

GM: Maybe, if I had some positive people around me helping out.

JO: So you would consider getting out if you had help… why?

GM: Well, the gang life is something you do if you’re from the hood. Most people bang because they really don’t have a choice, that’s why I do it.

Gang members are people just like everyone else though, no one understands that. We have goals, we have dreams, we want to be successful and leave the street life behind.Sometimes we just

don’t know how to do it and everyone around us thinks we’re bad people because they see tattoos and bandanas.

JO: Well, anytime someone sees tattoos and bandanas they’re going to think the worst, that’s just

society and the culture we live in today. You don’t have to get tattoos in visible places though, that’s a choice you made. If you like tattoos, that’s cool, but putting them in visible places allows other people to judge you. You have the choice of putting them above your sleeve, or somewhere on your chest or back if you really wanted to.

GM: Yeah, that’s true. Why do you care?

JO: A lot of people care. You’d be surprised how many programs are out there to help remove a tattoo, help you find a job, or help you get out of a gang, you just have to ask.

GM: I don’t even know where to look. How do I find all that stuff?

JO: The Internet, or if you’re on juvenile probation you can also talk to your probation officer. They have a lot of programs in place to help out gang members. You can also find information on other programs in the back of FRUIT magazine.

GM: That magazine you get when you’re locked up?

JO: Yes, that’s the one.

GM: I used to read those, they were pretty chill.

JO: Well, before we end this interview, I want to ask you one last question. If you had the chance to reach out and talk to hundreds of young kids around the city who were thinking about getting into a gang, or maybe those already in and thinking about getting out, what would you say to them?

GM:I would tell them to chill, think about it first homeboy. It’s not everything I thought it would be.

They have a bunch of rules, and they try to violate you for everything. It also makes you a target on the school campus. I always have teachers, principals, and cops charging me up for everything. They watch me because they know I bang. I also hurt my mom, she cries sometimes when I don’t come home at night. My little sister is always telling me how she prays for me and stuff. Anyway, one day I’m going

I would say just to chill, you will hurt your family and probably end up in jail regretting your choices.

If I could do it all over again, I would have never got in.

to try and make her proud so

JO: Thank you for this interview, I hope you’re able to make the right choices and turn your life around.

GM: Alright, laterz.

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clean healthy living

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maintain:

tips to staying sober

by Tera Swigart

Whether you have been diagnosed with an addiction or you use alcohol and/or drugs “socially,” sobriety is something worth striving for. Life can quickly spin out of control when alcohol and drugs are in the mix - not to mention all of the health risks you can avoid simply by staying sober.

These tips are meant to help you prepare for the challenges of maintaining sobriety. It is a lot of work but it is worth it! Living drug and alcohol free is a great foundation for future success!

1. Have realistic expectations of yourself.

Staying sober is tough. Don’t overestimate your control over your addiction. Use extra caution when you are first sober, and continue to use it afterward.

2. Practice complete abstinence. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can moderate your drug/ alcohol intake. It won’t work out in the long run.

Also, be careful not to talk yourself into using something other than your “drug of choice” as a substitute. I can’t tell you how many relapses start this way. Soon the “substitute” won’t be enough.

Even if you manage to moderate your use for a while, it will grow and soon you’ll find yourself smack back in the middle of addiction.

3. Seek out treatment if you can afford it. If you are currently in a juvenile justice facility, then take advantage of the programs offered there. Do your best to stay open-minded and put into action what your counselors teach you. Be honest with them and with your caseworkers about your drug/ alcohol history and triggers.

4. Take physical care of yourself. Exercise regularly and eat well. This is huge! Exercise does a lot to help you stay sober. It keeps you active, it gives you something to do besides using, it can give you new goals to strive toward, and it can introduce you to healthier people.

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Also, exercise releases endorphins that help you feel emotionally happier. This helps ward against bad days that may leave you craving drugs/alcohol to numb yourself or “chill out”. While you are at home, you can try joining a gym, check out your local YMCA as many of them charge based on your income. Also think about getting involved in a positive sport, martial art, or dance class. Anything that is positive, takes up time, and keeps you physically active is good!!! If you are currently in a JJ facility, there are still plenty of exercises you can do in your units. If you can’t think of any, ask your case worker/probation officer for ideas.

5. Cut out toxic relationships from your life.

This includes friendships and romance. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend constantly fight, cheat on each other, and basically cause constant drama – that is a toxic relationship. If any of your friends use alcohol or drugs – that is a toxic relationship.

If any of your friends are still involved in illegal activity - that is a toxic relationship. Toxicity is tricky. It isn’t something someone notices right away. It usually is something that creeps up on you. Suddenly you start feeling more and more sick as the toxicity builds up in your system.

You may feel that you are perfectly able to “maintain” while hanging out with all of the same people, but really it’s only a matter of time before you compromise. You will try a little of this, do a

little of that, and then BAM – you’re back where you started. This is one of the most difficult parts of staying sober. It is hard to lose people you care about. It’s hard when they don’t understand why you can’t spend time with them. How do you end these relationships?

Have a conversation with the person and tell them that you cannot hang out with them if they are going to be using or talking about using. You can use excuses in the beginning to “distance yourself” from them. Use your probation as the reason why you can’t go to certain places. Ground yourself – tell your friends you are grounded. Keep your schedule full of new positive activities. So that when you are asked to do something you shouldn’t, you can honestly say you have plans. After a while, they will get tired of asking. This is difficult but if you are SERIOUS about maintaining the positive change in your life, this is necessary.

6. Build new healthy relationships with people.

Okay, we know this is really hard to do. It takes a lot of effort on your part, but the effort is absolutely worth it when you look in the mirror and see someone you are proud of and when your family looks at you with pride in their eyes! How do you do this?

A new hobby will put you around new people that have the same interests as you. Whether it is being part of a team sport, martial arts class, or joining a club at school such as choir, art, theater, etc., this is a great way to meet new people and feel more comfortable as you already have something in common.

Church is another great place to make new friends.

Getting involved in a youth group will give you something to do on weekends; it will help keep you accountable and focused. If you’ve had a bad experience in church in the past, don’t let that discourage you; we have all gone through that at some point. Try a new church. If you don’t know of any in your area, you can always contact Freestyle Ministries, and we will help you find one close to you.

Now, just because these are “positive” activities doesn’t mean that all of the people you meet will be quality friend candidates. You still have to use

discernment and see how they live their lives, but these are good places to start.

7. Reconnect with friends and loved ones who may have distanced themselves. Most of us who have gone through addiction know that we distanced ourselves from those who reminded us that we weren’t doing as we ought. We also have had people distance themselves from us because of our actions. We may have even done something to hurt these people. Now is the time to ask for forgiveness and seek reconciliation.

The restoration of these friendships can be a good source of support.

I bet you would be surprised by many people’s willingness to forgive and forget. They may be reserved at first but as they see your actions change – not just your words – they will open up.

Those who refuse to forgive aren’t the ones you need in your life anyway – forgive them and move on.

8. Don’t mistake an enthusiasm for change with action. The former is nice to have, but the latter is what will produce actual change. THIS IS MAJOR!!! Most of our readers are currently in Juvenile Justice facilities. It may feel like being “locked up” and away from your loved ones, going through withdrawal, and having to attend counseling sessions is the hard part. It’s not; the hard part is when you get back to those streets.

The hard part is when probation is over. That is why ACTION is what is most important. Yes, you have to make up your mind 100% that you are going to change, but then you have to put feet to it.

Start now. There are actions you can take even while locked up. You can write to your friends now and tell them that you aren’t going to be hanging out with them if they are still doing the same old things. You can write to those old friends and seek reconciliation. You can plan out what gym you will go to, what school activities you will join, what hobbies will take up your time. These are all things you can DO rather than just talk about.

Then when you get out, follow that plan without swerving to the left or to the right!

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9. Reach out to others in recovery. It can be very useful to attend a local AA, Alateen, NA, or another type of support group. It will help to be around others who understand your struggles.

There are also several churches that have Christian 12-step programs such as “Celebrate Recovery,” if that is more comfortable for you. If you aren’t sure where you can go, contact us and we will try our best to help you find somewhere. * Note: This may not be the best place to make new friends that you will hang out with regularly.

Sometimes being with someone too much like you isn’t a good thing – especially in a dating relationship. Use good judgment!

10. You’re responsible for your own sobriety.

You can take advice and seek out support, but ultimately, you need to be responsible for your own recovery. Don’t let other people or circumstances become excuses for you to relapse.

I’ve known many men who blame their wives for their substance use and vice/versa. “If she would only do… I’d be able to stay sober,” or, “If he would only stop doing… I’d be able to stay sober.”

I’ve known people who blame their job: “I have to use in order to stay up and work the night shift,” or “I have to go drinking with people to get a sale.”

I’ve known people who blame their emotions: “I’m just so depressed and it’s the only thing that makes me feel better,” when using only ends up leaving them more depressed. “I’m so angry, it’s the only thing that calms me down,” when it really just suppresses the anger to blow up later. None of these excuses work. You have to stay sober because it’s what is best for you and your family regardless of anything else.

11. Do what works for you. Never believe anyone who tells you that their way is the only way. Some people love 12 step programs like AA, while others find them to be a trigger. Just focus on what works for you and stick with it. At the same time, if what you’re doing isn’t working, then you have to take massive action to change and be willing to try what has worked for others.

12. Forgive others. Don’t harbor resentment

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or bitterness. These are two very strong and dangerous emotions that can drive you to relapse in times of weakness.

13. Move beyond self-pity. Feeling sorry for yourself won’t accomplish anything. Accept the cards that you were dealt and move on. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of your life. If you have things that you need to talk about, talk to a counselor or clergyman who can help walk you through it in a healthy way.

14. Prayer and scripture reading will help you stay focused. Also, remember to pray for others.

One of the best ways to refocus is by praying for those in more need than you. When we focus on ourselves too much, we begin to feel depressed and discontented. Helping others is the best way to ward against this.

15. Keep busy. This goes back to the importance of having hobbies, regular exercise, and positive friends. Even if you are stuck at home all day, try to do something active and useful such as helping to clean the house, playing with a younger sibling, reading a book, or working on a hobby.

16. Learn to have fun without alcohol. Trust me, it’s possible. You just have to make the effort to try some new things with new people. Let go of that hard exterior you’ve created and enjoy a good laugh!

17. Talk to your parents. It is important to communicate with your family - especially your parents. If your parents are not around, then communicate with whomever you consider to be family - people who love you and truly want the best for you.

18. Develop a support network. This network should be made up of people you can call when you are tempted to relapse, or after a relapse, that will help you get back on track.

19. Be grateful. Challenge yourself to write down 5 things you’re grateful for every day. Start now!

Take time just to look around you and see how many things you can find to be thankful for. Things we take for granted, such as the beauty in nature, a place to lie your head, that person who hasn’t

given up on you, and our “daily bread.”

20. Go back to school. Use education to achieve your dreams. Go back to school and see how high your grades can get, then enjoy the shock it will give your teachers and parents! If you can’t go back to school, consider getting your GED and start classes at your local community college toward a degree or trade. You can find the money to go if you talk to a counselor at the college.

Even taking one class at a time will build your selfesteem and put you in the right direction for your future!

21. Spend more time with your family. You can never really do this enough. Try surprising your family once a week by doing something special that they didn’t ask you to do. This is really fun and builds these relationships. Try making dinner one night, doing a chore you normally don’t do, or playing a game with the family.

22. Avoid your old hangouts and hobbies.

That’s just asking for trouble. Make a list of everywhere you went and what you usually did when you were using then avoid those things.

Think of movies, music, places, food, clothes, paraphernalia, etc. These are all “triggers” and will cause you to reminisce about your days of using and can lead to relapse. If you’ve got stuff at the house that meets these criteria, get rid of it. Out of sight, out of mind.

23. Keep a daily schedule. You’ll have a much easier time staying busy and sober if you have routines that keep you moving forward.

to do this is to try new things. If you know your passion, pursue it. You only get one chance at life. Don’t waste it doing things that don’t have any purpose. Chasing a dream doesn’t mean you get to neglect your responsibilities. Learn to find a balance.

28. Don’t live in fear. Accept that their are some things you can control and others you can’t. Don’t let the things you can’t control, control YOU. Do what you know to be right and best and leave the rest in God’s hands.

29. Have a plan in place before you are tempted to relapse. If you know what “triggers” you to use, you can plan ahead of time with how you will respond to the situation. Common triggers are feelings (depression, loneliness, anger, excitement), people, places, and things, so be aware of your triggers and make a plan for how you will handle them.

Identify the situation then come up with a list of things that you can do to keep from giving in to the trigger. Review it until you know it by heart and FOLLOW THROUGH! 30. If you do relapse, don’t slip back into full-out abuse. Accept that you’re human and that you’ll slip up. Then take massive action to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Source used for this article: www.cleanandsoberlive.com

24. Be humble. Always be willing to learn, and don’t assume you know it all.

25. Give back to the community. Do volunteer work. There are always opportunities to volunteer.

Check into local food banks, community centers, and churches. This is probably one of the best things you can do to stay sober. You will feel so proud of yourself!

26. Avoid vices. Don’t replace one addiction for another. Don’t get rid of your drug addiction to become addicted to alcohol, pornography, gambling, etc.

27. Discover your true passion. The only way

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inbox Letters to our readers from inmates within Texas prisons

PHOTO BY AMANDABHSLATER

>>

Subject: “God’s Answer to Loneliness” - B.B.B.

For the first six years of my incarceration, I experienced loneliness, depression, frustration, hate, and everything else in-between. I was a negative individual who focused more on my own self-pity than on the promises of God. That is, until I stumbled upon a verse that radically changed my life. One day when I was bored, I started reading the Bible. Perhaps I was looking for meaning or significance, but at the time I didn’t think so. Then I read in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man [Adam] should be alone; I [God] will make him a helper fit for him.”

Suddenly everything made sense. Adam, before the fall of all mankind, experienced loneliness. It may not have been to the same degree we experience loneliness today. But loneliness is loneliness, and that’s all that matters. While many in contemporary society refuse to put God first in their lives, we can rightly assess Adam did.

Because he was perfect, it is natural to assume that Adam responded to his loneliness in a positive way by giving God all the honor and praise, regardless of what he might have been going through.

God, pleased to see how Adam put Him before all else, did something to alleviate Adam’s loneliness. He provided Adam with a wife and friend. Adam believed and he received. Loneliness did not dictate his life - his faith in God did. And if we respond in the same manner, God will provide for our own ailments, too.

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>>

Subject: “Dear God” - T.S.

Depression can be overwhelming.

It can slowly seep into your life and incapacitate you, leaving you feeling as if life is not worth living, that there is no hope for a better tomorrow. I should know. There were times in my life when I sunk so deep into a world full of dark depression that I did not even have the strength or desire to get out of bed in the morning. I would lie there all day, with my head under the covers, lost in a world of sadness. There was no one who understood what it felt like or how dark my world had become.

However, I learned a trick that, no matter how depressed I was, always seemed to lift the sadness inside of me. I started writing letters to God. Because I had no one to talk to, and really did not want to talk to anyone about what I was feeling, I would get a piece of paper and sit by myself and tell God how I felt and why. It was always difficult to begin writing; I never knew exactly where to start, but once I began, all of the feelings poured out of me onto paper. As I wrote and wrote, it felt like someone had turned a flashlight on and shined it into my heart. I knew someone was there, someone cared—God did.

If depression is overwhelming you, remember, God is just a letter away. >>

- C.S.

From the time I was a youth, my life has been a long, drawn out, hurt factory. I was involved in street gangs from when I was a kid to adulthood. I was always looking to fill some abandoned spot in my heart. I had a lifestyle of hatred. I wanted to be known, but would never let anyone get close to me for fear of looking weak. I was careful to never show I cared for anyone or anything. I grew up filled with so much hate that I feared love - never letting that emotion penetrate my heart. I refused love and was consequently always in a storm of life. I was filled with eternal rage from something built up inside me.

I wasted my life on the streets through drugs, fighting, and drinking. I didn’t care why we did anything; if something was going down, I was going to be there. I ruined everything I touched by living for the darkness in life. I sit behind these prison walls doing life because I feared the light. Somehow we all have darkness that has gained hold in our lives - some due to betrayals or deaths, others due to relationships or other reasons. Whatever the cause may be in your life, try to look ahead from these words you read. Do not make the mistake of letting hate breed.

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None of my girl friends stayed faithful. My own mother had all she could take and gave up on me – though God and I are working on that and she’ll come around.

But my dad has been there and better yet, my Heavenly Father is here. “He will never leave me, nor forsake me!” Believe me, lil’ brothers and sisters, this is not what’s up. I don’t know you all but as a big brother, I love you all and pray that this can and will encourage you to seek God, trust Him, and be who He made you to be. This is in the love of Jesus!

I’ve allowed bad trees of fruit to grow in my heart and instead of chopping them down, I let them grow and every time a person would fall off, another bad tree would root until a forest of bitterness had grown before I realized what had happened.

Finally, I quit feeling sorry for myself. I quit blaming others and started to count on God and seek him and learned that we all have a father who loves us and wants to bring good things into our lives. But He won’t and can’t be a part of sin. You must let go of anything you are holding in your heart against someone else. We need to cut down the trees of bitterness and let God restore the love back into our lives.

Things will be tough, storms will come, but they will also pass.

Psalms 92:12 states: “The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.” Let me explain the palm tree. A palm tree roots itself very deeply because they often grow in areas of storms and high winds. When these high winds come, they are not uprooted, but bend with the wind and do not break.

Flourish means to spring back up; stand back up; not broken; not uprooted. We are rooted in Christ Jesus. Hold on to him in the storms of your life and you will not be broken or uprooted. God will work awesome things in your life.

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>>

- J.B.

I started out young, thirteen to be exact.

I was in and out of juvenile facilities until I was 16. At 17, I went to County for the first time and dropped out of school – worst mistake I could have made! All I was doing just got worse, selling dope and partying. I violated probation and was constantly on the run or in County. When I was 19, I was still on probation and broke into a liquor store on my birthday with some of my homeboys. I left the state afterward, but had nowhere to stay, so I came back home and stayed with a homeboy of mine. They were doing a lot of robbing people and they asked if I wanted to join them. I wanted to show I was hard, so I went along with them. I remember God telling me not to go into the game room they were about to rob, that someone was going to die, but I ignored the voice and went in anyway.

Let’s just say that things went bad, just like God had warned, and now I’m sitting in prison. I never went for the God thing, I even said I hated God and that there was no God. But about five years into my sentence, something changed my mind. I had a dream where the Devil told me I belonged to him. I’d never cried or been scared of nothing before. I was super-gangster. Well, I was up at 3:37 that morning, crying like a baby! I came out at the first work call and talked to some Christian brothers.

One of them told me, “It’s true, you do belong to Satan, you are a Devil worshiper.”

I got real offended but then this brother broke it down for me. He said, “Listen, you are thinking pentagrams and candles, right? But if you ain’t doing the will of God, then whose will do you think you’re doing? All the gang bangin’, drugs, and other stuff you’re involved in is the will of the Devil!” Well, that opened my eyes a little more, but things didn’t go the way I wanted, so I blamed God and continued trippin’ for the next four years.

I finally got put in a cell with a Christian brother who, thank God, would not shut up. It still took a while but I eventually started going to church. I got saved and baptized in Jesus Christ. I’ve been up and down for about three years now, but I’ve been holding on tight to Jesus. It ain’t easy, but last year a faith-based program was started here and I’m now in college to earn an associate’s degree in Theology! I’m half way done and that’s only by the grace of God. The Lord has shown me much favor, and I felt it on my heart to tell you young men and women out there that this ain’t the life you want. Get out of this lifestyle while you still have a chance. I’m 33 years old now. I’ve been locked up for 11 years on a sixty-year sentence. None of my homeboys write, look out for me, or even care about me. None

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local flavor community resources DRUG / ALCOHOL ABUSE

>Alcoholics Anonymous Phone: 713-686-6300 Website: www.aahouston.org >Alanon / Alateen For friends and family of drug/alcohol abusers Website: www.houstonalanon.org

Mental / Physical Health

>Beltway 8 South Crisis Pregnancy Center The center provides free and confidential support services for those involved in unplanned pregnancies.

They also provide classes in prenatal care, delivery, parenting, life skills, and Bible studies.

Phone: 281-484-0005 Website: lifelinecpc.org >Crisis Intervention of Houston TeenLine: 713-529-TEEN is a 24-hour crisis hotline for teens to talk about their problems with other teens who are trained to help. >Crisis Pregnancy Hotline 1-800-848-5683 >MHMRA of Harris County If you are in a psychiatric emergency or need information, please call 24 hours a day. 713-970-7000 >TRIAD Prevention Program TRIAD Prevention Program is a consortium of three county agencies (Protective Services for Children and Adults; Juvenile Probation; and Mental Health/Mental Retardation Authority) working together to coordinate their resources to serve youth at-risk.

Phone: 713-295-2600 Website: www.hc-ps.org/triad_prevention.htm >United Way Help Line 2-1-1 Texas/United Way HELPLINE is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in many languages. They have extensive resource lists for help with whatever you may need. 2-11 also serves as a primary point of contact during times of disaster. Call: 2-1-1 >FREE THE CAPTIVES Free the Captives is an interdenominational, evangelical anti-human trafficking 501(c)(3) non-profit that fights the exploitation and trafficking of Houston’s youth. They offer aftercare for teenage victims, prevention and deterence programs, and raise awareness.

Email: info@freethecaptiveshouston.com Website: www.freethecaptiveshouston.com

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SPECIAL INTERESTS

>Alternative Behavior Mission: Alternative Behavior is an organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for high-risk youth through Education and Service Provider Networking.

Phone: 713-481-1985 Website: alternativebehavior.org

SPIRITUAL GROWTH

>EyeS ON ME, INCORPORATED Vision: Eyes On Me, Inc., is committed to creating a positive environment using biblical principles to shape youth culture for lifelong success and stability in the world.

This is led by Tre9 and wife, Amanda Herring. Check out their website to see all the ministries they are involved in.

Website: www.alleyesonmeinc.com >Cross in the City Cross in the City is a faith-based program that provides mentoring, counseling, progressive high school, computer and life skills classes.

Phone: 713-477-9600 Website: www.crossinthecity.org >Joined at The Hip Ministries Mission: Joined at the Hip is a Christian parachurch ministry that seeks to edify, encourage, and enlighten the people of God by teaching the practical application of biblical principles through bible studies, conferences, devotionals, discipleship, and urban gospel music.

Website: www.jathministries.com >Special Youth Services The department of Special Youth Services provides pastoral care to youth remanded to juvenile justice centers and placement facilities within the Archdiocese of Galveston/Houston. Special Youth Services also promotes and coordinates pastoral services to youth and their families who are at high level of risk of becoming involved with the juvenile justice system.

Ms. Franchelle Lee, Director Phone: 713-741-8739 E-mail: flee@archgh.org Deacon Daniel Gilbert, Pastoral Minister Phone: 713-320-1915 E-mail: dgilbert@archgh.org

BUY MUSIC & BOOKS FROM THIS ISSUE >Amazon Online Store For books, movies: www.amazon.com >LIFEWAY. Christian Stores For Christian books, movies, DVDs, etc.: www.lifeway.com

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