pt 1/4
ch 1 - imagination reason and grave disappointment The party bus is a bus that can give you pleasure. all you have to do is close your eyes and let it in. physical appearance is funny- its like this is me right now but give me a bit of time and i will make me a little better and i will woe you. if we all had feet for heads life would be simpler. the homo erectus existed for 1.9 million years almost 70,000 years ago. some say that they existed with humans which is why we used animals like wolves to help us with protection and victory. this is a great example of how the brain overcomes the body and how a foot for a head could be useful. i also learned that - if you lived and breathed it - you could learn an entire language in 6 months. you can apply this theory to anything. think of your life and think of the theory. think of your life and think of me with a foot as a head and my toes as eyes and my body like a homo erectus. we’d just talk to each other normally. we’d say real things like “ this is great, i really like you” breaking up is hard but having a baby is even harder. my aunt convinced me that having a baby is no real big thing. you just got to feed it she said. i thought about that a lot and also thought man, i can’t feed this thing. i can’t even blow my nose without getting snot all over me. i can’t even think about anything asides from thinking about what i was thinking about when you told me that all you can think about is some space. i started thinking about space and how much space one can have when they really applied the want with the how with the size with the when with the who with the it. if someone wants to escape what they have with you then the best thing to do is hold your hands in the air and say “ you got me, ciao - arino, catch ya on the flip man”
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i still can’t wrap my head around festival fashion. i was explained that its about the ritual. the escapism of the hum drum. the exploration of a wave of free rain and glow stick galaxy tights and flower ribbons. personally i think that if you need to escape all this and dress like that then you should re think your everyday uniform and get more bang for your buck. what I’m actually saying is that its not for me and it makes me feel funny but i don’t judge, do yo thing. free yo self. shake yo ass like a yo yo. another thing i wanted to mention: There is no difference between right and wrong. The people who argue against this do so with hopes to construct order. Using the word “personally” is stupid because it admits that everything you normally say is not personal, the same goes with the phrase “to be honest.” Flowery language is dumb cause it forces the reader / listener to do their job for a longer period of time. Most people are lazy. Fighting that laziness gets addictive though.
and alas to chime into my main subject - close your eyes and listen to the good word. your mobile and so is your mind hold hands with it and breeze on by with a calmness that outshines all shines that shine to infinity. be a peace maker and that is it. 3
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ch 2 - emails that i didn’t send you All i want to do is write you romantic emails. i want to use sentences like “ i will love you at your most vile” — want to know if you feel the same way.. I want to read a book that tells me that i am not crazy. i want to read a book that explains why you are. anyways i can go on forever - if you let me, though I’m sure you won’t. sometimes i like to type a year into my email’s search box and read about what i use to be up to. i tried to make a rule titled don’t do any work today. chores don’t count- i tried cleaning the bath curtain but the soap scum lives on and a small part of me feels good about it. I’m interested in doing anything physical. i am listening to very deep indie music from the early 2000’s. i don’t know what i think anymore. does that sound weird to you? thats a lie, i know what i think.. i think that I’m looking for something very specific. just read this comment on fb: “So hope humanity improves before we finally introduce ourselves to life on far off planets” hmmmm… good news everybody - my head is still attached to my body, after many of attempts of trying to escape it has succumbed to the general relaxo that i force it to feel on a sunday
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when everything is easy blue in the spring my alarm clock won’t wake me id rather watch you sleep or cook or walk or lay or be cuz seeing you is to see anyways, yes if you haven’t noticed that was a love poem. there will be many more to come so if you can - get ready. NEW IDEA The old me that me that you just read about in the previous chapters is no longer with us. I am someone better now i think. I drink more hot water with lemon and focus my brain on things like dignity and function. i don’t like eating dinner out either. I’m more efficient. i play games to keep my thoughts in tact and am focusing on a new language. i don’t think about men anymore or a man or that one man or that man that i got that tickles me. i go deep into other things. sleeping is one of them but i don’t sleep too much. i watch documentaries about artists who work as artists and are successful in their own way. i get those artist to set up shop in a little space in my head and we talk about dreams and recipes and stuff. anyways, thats me. i politely decline. i say no a lot. no to you and you and you and no again. no no no no no-ing is fun. no-ing is classy. knowing is even better though. ill give you that. 7
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I think that there are a couple of people out there who are ignoring me. i was about to send an email to a stranger using the world “truly” and then slightly threw up and swallowed said vomit and thought “slow down cow boy who da heck are you” raise your hand if you know what I mean - if you feel a large weight of hope like a pound of oranges are balancing on your head and all you can think of doing is having a baby say “YEEEEEEEE”
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ch 3 - why on earth did you.. say whattttt??? we went to toys r us today and looked around in the baby section and felt like we were in it. i have a large craving to smoke a joint but will try not to for as long as i can try for. i had a shower and brushed my teeth and masturbated to detach myself from all cravings that were attached to the want of that yearn to feel ANYTHING BUT THIS. if this sounds like i am depressed then i am. jk I’m not. if i had to break it down for you i would do so with a beat box and we would all be laughing. speaking of that joint I’m about to spark it. haha jk what is success on a friday night in berlin when you are 26? staying home i’d say. i have enough money to do nothing. i have enough money to tie myself up and run in circles. i have enough money to share these thoughts with you. today i animated a fried egg spiral where the yolk ran off it. there is something about fridays. scenes: how someone can come in look around and walk out and say nah not my scene. you got all kinds of drugs baby you got party drugs trick drugs get this head empty type ah drugs get your body a moving drugs give me ur money or ill rot in jail drugs
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the best way to be is this: act like you are not interested and they will always want more more brain more sex more you more you and them together more total eclipse of the heart you can be THE O.G - just let loose and roll. i don’t want to use the word “think” at all. i don’t want to think no more. i want my brain to turn into a thing that says “i know” without sounding like i know too much. i know discreetly, i know and i don’t have to tell you. what else is there to say and until then I bid you adieu.
probably nothin. part two: there is not a moment that goes by. there might be another dimension, yeah ok. fine. i’ll just ride it. dad sent me a message saying: watch the video it is educational with a link to a video titled: “ Spirit Science 12 ~ The Human History Movie ” I won’t tell you the rest because the rest is history. I will tell you this though: I will add the link to the bottom of the description box and will trust you curious types to take a look at all 59:06 minutes of it. and if you do, please let me know exactly what you think in the comment section below. 13
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ch. 4 even heaven has it’s downs you can barley breath there are changes to be made may i help you yes mam i would like a salami sandwich and an entire cow. I would also like an evaporator and a peppermint refreshment and a new dick.or an old dick.ill take any dick at hand. another good thing to know is that the answers all run beneath you as they lay under your skin. I’ve decided to stop focusing on me duh. hello and goodbye and hello again. Who wants to have this as a mantra: the grass will be greener and so will the electricity that is floating between us I am not going to talk about myself ever again says no one. If I could trade brains with someone from Connecticut I would. I don’t even get dressed any more. in a corner doing nothing. nothing is a good word. it warns me during the most gentle o moments, it makes me advance to stage two. . my eyes are rolling behind themselves and i am thinking about the garden in the pizza place in the square near by. i am thinking about how i would love to socialise with people who mean something to me. I am thinking about money and how there is a price to everything. nothing i say. bring it on. bringing it on to down town. bringing it down town. down to the south to alabama.
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Dear book,
lick em. my last sentence will be this - i thought i told you so.
I am here again, the night time warrior that you’ve been searching for is ready to be found for discovery. the lone ranger cries wolf and welcomes all forms of apologies. the apple is closer to the eye and the brain child is still winning. do you ever think about burning candles and their duration and how you can use em to keep track of time? do you think about the line between being young and getting old and how to act accordingly? is there in fact a way to act? is there a way to not cross any lines and to float somewhere in the middle without being bored and reaching a dead end? is the answer to all these questions having a baby?
welcoming myself to outter space is a thing that i do regularly. try not to ever have your screen too bright. or music too loud. or panties in a bunch. and with that i will say that yes, i will always love you, by hook or by crook like a dog with its bone. adios mother fucker.
no. the answer to the question is - drink more water. one day i will be re born again and until then i bid you farewell i give you good luck and i say sayonara suckers it takes one to know one good riddance me ladies I’m off to a land thats so hot it uses lava rocks as the basis for its escalators. my ex bf pau told me that i don’t need drugs cause I’m naturally high already. he said that my mind transforms itself without any help. you know what i think? who cares what i think, I’m nothing but an ant anyways - and guess what, so are you. we are so small that we are about to be some bigger things jambalaya stew. we are hot and cooking, we don’t even live on earth anymore and we haven’t even noticed. we were too busy painting our nails. we were too busy being hand cuffed to next seasons collection of spandex, army jackets, sweat suits. if you want to find happiness then buy something with your credit card. get your hands filthy with products and then 17
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love, CARLA