M ilky Waters at Dusk

My mind works like a lifeboat The wide open plane of the ocean Is my trauma

This ocean Blue as the irises of my eyes Is hardly seen, And very green on occasion They mirror Reflections of Hands wrapping gently, Fingers poking hard

Men, All the jawlines And obscure noses I’ve touched thus far

Last night I laid in my bed Watching the luminous waves Rock from my post, Watching the sun Glaze her bright eyes With my memories

I watched her sink From orange To pink

To gray, Until the waves Became milky, dark, And hollow

I had never seen the water like that In that version of the ocean I saw, How lonesome I have been

My mind works like a lifeboat, The dark gray ocean, Is my trauma

Normally, When the sun starts to set, I try to pull As many warm bodies as I can Onto my lifeboat

These people Are usually men, Or toxic friends Who touch me, Caress me, Or tell me all their secrets

They make me feel special, So I gift them my ocean, For in those moments It is blue

But the dark gray waves Are my trauma, Not theirs, From my bed post last night, I watched the waves reveal their souls

The darkness unveiled Not one, But hundreds of Fragmented figures

I saw myself, At 3 years old, With a wrinkled look From confused, Broken parents, She was flailing–I pulled her in

I saw myself, At 16 years old, With disfigured pink panties, Whimpering–I pulled her in

Panting for breath, I peered into the abyss

There I saw My own face–Hardened, Freckled, Woven into fruition From all these Girls and women

I saw myself, At 18 years old, With the dream catcher from my old room That promised But never caught my nightmares, Silently crying–I pulled her in

And I said I have to do better

There’s more ocean to explore, More bodies to pull, More nights by my bedpost, Where I must let the milky water Sing me into a lull

And maybe months will go by, And I will cry For these bodies, I never let rest

But I must keep pulling, I must keep my eyes Searching along those waves

For 21 years old is too late to feel heartache, But too early to feel like l’ve aged 21 years old is just time to let my ocean And I carry our work In motion

So I can bring myself Back home, One whole body, For some charitable day