Family Is Whomever You Choose

from DIG MAG Winter 2021

by DIG MAG LB

Holiday Blues

FAMILY IS WHOMEVER

YOU CHOOSE

STORY BY

KELSEY BROWN

Why some people spend the holiday season with the people who make them feel loved, not just those with whom they share blood.

RIGHT:

Jessica Katz and Rachel Katz share a last name and spend the holidays together, despite not being blood-related. Jessica Katz and Rachel Katz share a last name, but no DNA. They have known each other their whole lives. They were both supposed to be twins, but weren’t. As kids, they both were given the same stuffed bear. Oddly enough, Rachel has the same name as Jessica’s mom. “Even though we’re not blood-related, I treat her like she’s my sister,” Jessica said. Jessica, a freshman at California State University, Long Beach, explained that Rachel’s family has had such a constant presence in her life that they feel like her family. For Jessica, family isn’t just who you’re related to, but the people in life who are consistently there for you. Because Jessica’s father doesn’t have a great relationship with his family and her mother’s family is in Australia and New Zealand, Jessica doesn’t spend holidays with her extended family. “A lot of people don’t have the best relationship with their family, including me,” Jessica said. “I honestly have a better relationship with close friends.” Instead, on holidays, Jessica gathers with friends and family friends she’s known her whole life. Half of Jessica’s family celebrates Hanukkah and the other half celebrates Christmas. She usually spends time with both family and friends. But Jessica appreciates the lightness that her friendships bring, compared to the familial baggage she’s accustomed to. Jessica explained that people shouldn’t feel obligated to be around their families during the holidays just because they’re blood-related. If someone’s family relations

“With family, it can kind of feel like you’re forced in a way, where it’s like friends [are] a choice.”

JESSICA KATZ

LEFT:

Vanessa Torres and Athena Vasquez

hurt them in any way, Jessica said they should find people who support them instead. “With family, it can kind of feel like you’re forced in a way, where it’s like friends [are] a choice,” Jessica said. Many people, like Jessica, are choosing to celebrate the holidays with friends, rather than family. Whether it be because of fundamental disagreements or toxicity, blood is no longer enough to be considered family. According to Karl Pillemer, who conducted a national survey on estrangement, 27% of Americans above the age of 18 had severed contact with a family member. For Athena Vasquez, a senior at Cal State Long Beach, choosing family allows her the ability to be herself “without any guards.” Vasquez and her best friend Vanessa Torres both don’t like attending family events and instead choose to spend holidays together. Where family can often make Vasquez feel misunderstood, she says, she doesn’t even have to try to feel good around her friends. “It feels like I have to put in actual effort to be half of myself,” Vasquez said about being with family. “When being fully myself is just so effortless.” With family, Vasquez said she is always too emotional, or too sensitive, or too picky— too much of everything. But with friends, she is exactly enough. Vasquez explained that her family gets to see a superficial side of her. Like many other young adults, she often puts on the face that she wants her family to see. Parents only get to see limited versions of their kids, Vasquez explained. “I only show them a portion of who I am,” Vasquez said. “With my chosen family, they get to see all of me, like just bare. And that’s what makes me feel so comfortable and makes me want to stay there. Because I can be myself fully.” Though Vasquez and Torres have been friends for around seven years, Vasquez says the pair isn’t very “touchy feely or sentimental.” Both women come from families that are gang-involved, where family isn’t overly affectionate. Instead, they use gestures of appreciation to show their love for one another. Vasquez may buy Torres coffee or Torres buys Vasquez, who is an English major, a notebook for writing.

“WITH MY CHOSEN FAMILY,

THEY GET TO SEE ALL OF ME, LIKE JUST BARE. AND

THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME FEEL SO COMFORTABLE AND MAKES ME WANT TO STAY THERE.”

ATHENA VASQUEZ

ABOVE AND LEFT:

Vanessa Torres and Athena Vasquez like to spend time together during the holidays making memories rather than exchanging presents.

“FAMILY IS SUPPOSED TO BE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU

UNCONDITIONALLY. ”

ATHENA VASQUEZ

Torres typically invites Vasquez over for the holidays. The gestural love continues, as on Christmas, Torres’ family doesn’t believe in gift giving. Instead of something materialistic, they prefer to do something more sentimental, like taking someone out to eat. On Halloween nights you can find the duo eating Chinese or Thai food before binge watching horror films. On Thanksgiving, they order takeout and eat dinner together. If it’s a holiday, the two can be found together, enjoying each other’s company. “Family is supposed to be people who love you unconditionally,” Vasquez said. “Love is something that is unconditional, truly to the core. So many people love with conditions.” Though Vasquez said that many people don’t know real love, she is grateful to experience it with Torres. When talking about her best friend, Vasquez’s face lights up and words spill out her mouth with ease. “We get to be our true selves with people that we choose,” Vasquez said.

BEST BOOKS FOR CUFFING SEASON

STORY BY

BELLA ARNOLD

A+

BEACH READ

by Emily Henry

The easiest way an author can weasel their way into my heart is by writing a book that makes me cry hard enough to the point where I feel like I am going to vomit at 1 a.m. while clutching a book light. Needless to say, “Beach Read” by Emily Henry delivers on that front. The New York Times bestselling author is the “it girl” of the literary world right now. This book takes on one of the most controversial rom-com tropes: enemies to lovers. In “Beach Read,” January Andrews deals with grief, loss, and being stuck in a literary rut until she comes across a former flame and newly acclaimed author, Augustus Everett. The two challenge each other to swap genres in an effort to get back into the writing flow.

THE FLATSHARE

by Beth O’Leary: A

Beth O’Leary does not disappoint with her debut novel, “The Flatshare.” O’Leary wrote this book on the train in transit to her publishing job before becoming a fulltime author. In the book, Tiffy Moore finds herself in a less-than-ideal living situation, sharing a tiny apartment with a stranger. It’s the only thing that fits her limited budget, but at least her roommate, Leon Twomey, isn’t there at night because he’s a nurse working night shifts. Leon occupies the one-bedroom flat during the day while Tiffy’s at work, and in the evening, it’s Tiffy’s turn to make herself at home. Despite never actually crossing paths, the two can’t ignore the feeling that love is in the air.

Feeling lonely and yearning for that special someone this holiday season? Want to make it worse? We’ve got you covered with a few of the best romantic comedy books to read during cuffing season.

A-

THE BROWN SISTERS TRILOGY

by Talia Hibbert

To me, the worst part about finishing a good, standalone book is the absence I feel afterward. Luckily, readers of “Get a Life, Chloe Brown” by Talia Hibbert will never know that sorrow. The Brown sisters trilogy starts with “Get a Life, Chloe Brown” and follows Chloe Brown, the oldest of the Brown sisters, in her pursuit of adventure while battling a chronic illness. The next book in the trilogy, “Take a Hint, Dani Brown,” features the second Brown sister and Ph.D. student, Dani, as she navigates a viral tweet binding her to her work friend and former rugby star, Zafir Ansari. The trilogy is wrapped up in a disgustingly romantic bow with “Act Your Age, Eve Brown.” Eve, a “certified mess,” is no stranger to a sudden career switch. Thanks to some liberated doves, Eve finds herself in need of a new career when she stumbles into (literally) the uptight bed and breakfast owner Jacob Wayne. Though Hibbert released each book in accordance with the order of sisters, oldest to youngest, these books can be read out of order or as stand-alones, if you’re OK with very minor spoilers.

IT ENDS WITH US

by Colleen Hoover: A

If you love multiple timelines and shedding enough tears to single-handedly pull California out of its drought, you’re going to love “It Ends with Us.” Colleen Hoover is a critically acclaimed New York Times bestselling author known for her other books “November 9,” “Ugly Love” and “Verity.” Hoover’s writing is honest and heartbreaking. However, this is not your typical romance. Though full of juicy, romantic moments, “It Ends with Us” also tackles issues like abuse, housing insecurity, and grief. This story follows Lily as she navigates her new, independent life in Boston. As she enters a new relationship, she rediscovers diary entries cataloging her first love. Trigger warning for assault.

THE HATING GAME

by Sally Thorne: C+

To the die-hard Sally Thorne lovers, I’m sorry. Lucy Hutton and Joshua Templeman hate each other. No, not in the cutesy way that you say to a friend, while playfully shoving them. The publishing company executive assistants despise one another. When the opportunity opens for these workaholics to score a promotion, it’s not a matter of if one of them will win, but who will resign when they lose.