Chaplaincy

BEING COURAGEOUS

in the face of vulnerability

At our Sunday services over Term 1 I have been recounting for students, staff and parents who have attended an incident that occurred while I was on a tour in Morocco over the Christmas holidays. It was something that made me feel extremely vulnerable and pushed me to the point of tears of shame and embarrassment. My intention in sharing the experience was to highlight a few different points. Firstly, that we all experience moments of vulnerability when we feel exposed and as though we wish the ground would open up and swallow us; secondly, that vulnerability is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be acknowledged and embraced; and thirdly, that we all have choices around how we respond to feelings of vulnerability. I told the same story to the staff, Year 11 and 12, Year 7 and Year 9, and then moved on to a different focus about vulnerability with each group.

As many of you will know, Brené Brown has become something of a guru with her research into shame. Her TED Talk entitled ‘The Power of Vulnerability’ has been viewed on YouTube over 12.6 million times. She really challenges those of us who like to hide from our vulnerability and keep it hidden from everyone else. Brown says that people whose lives are full of meaning and purpose are the people who have the courage to embrace their vulnerability, to understand how it influences their behaviour and to choose to respond in ways that allow them to be real.

It would be fair to say that most people fear vulnerability and try to avoid it or hide it whenever possible. Each individual person has their own learned set of ways of doing this – our own personal armour that we hide behind. This personal armour we have builds up walls around us and often leads us to respond in ways that damage relationships, distancing us from others. We might become defensive or claim we have been offended, or we might retaliate with comments that cause another to feel extremely vulnerable. It is important to acknowledge that these responses are natural and are part of the human defence system that we used in our distant past to protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe. It is also important to acknowledge that, in this day and age, they are usually unnecessary and most often unhelpful.

When I started this series of sermons about vulnerability, I had no idea about the Covid-19 virus and how it would impact the world. Over the past couple of months, the centre of the spread has moved from China to Europe to the USA, and we have cases here in New Zealand as well. As the spread has escalated in other parts of the world it has been easy to see, within our communities, how people have responded to their feelings of vulnerability as fear has overtaken people’s rational thinking. Immediately the toilet paper, rice, pasta, and tins of spaghetti all flew off the supermarket shelves. There were photos of people with trolleys piled high with toilet paper. There was a video on one of the news websites of a physical fight between two women in an Australian supermarket over toilet paper – one woman had her trolley full of packs of toilet paper and you could hear the other woman screaming that she just needed one pack. Sometimes when we feel vulnerable in the sense of potential threat to our lives, we go all out to protect ourselves and those we love at the expense of others, whose need may indeed be greater than our own.

At times like this, when we are all feeling vulnerable, when we are not able to control the situation, the words of Jesus can help guide our responses. In Matthew’s Gospel we read:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” 38 This is the greatest and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

To allay our fears and vulnerability we would be wise to focus on those in our community who are at greatest risk. At this stage it seems clear that those who are losing their lives because of this virus are mostly over 60 years of age and already have a health condition. Do we know who lives around us? Do we have elderly neighbours who might be afraid and in need of being checked in on? Could those of us who are younger and less likely to be seriously negatively impacted go and get their groceries for them? Do we know people who don’t have family who are in selfisolation? Maybe we could drop a nice treat off at their door or phone them for a chat so that they don’t feel so alone? There are always people who are in greater need than we are and there is always something we can do to ease the load for others. As everyone is feeling vulnerable at this time, it is also important to think about how we behave towards those people who do already have the virus. One of the first people in New Zealand to be confirmed with Covid-19 experienced sustained and abusive bullying on social media. This sort of behaviour is certainly not showing love for your neighbour. When some people feel threatened and when

tensions are running high, there can be a tendency to react before having all the facts and then make accusations that are unfair and unsubstantiated. If we come from the perspective of a person of faith in Jesus Christ, we must act with love and grace rather than reactionary judgement. Most people understand the seriousness of the situation and would not knowingly infect another person.

Something that might help to diffuse the anxiety and vulnerability around the current situation is talking about it. When people feel threatened and afraid it is good to be able to voice that by saying to a friend or family member, “I am afraid,” and then explaining why, what the fear or anxiety is about. Talking about it gets it out into the open where we can look at it from a more objective perspective. When we share our fears with others, we can receive empathy and care. However, adults are notoriously bad at sharing their fears and vulnerabilities with others, often preferring to try and maintain the appearance of being in control. It is at times like this that we need a strong sense of community, which comes from trusting each other. We trust each other a lot more when we all acknowledge our vulnerabilities.

After 20 years of research into the area of vulnerability, Brené Brown says that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, accountability, and authenticity. All things we are in need of right now all across the globe. Now is a time to be courageous and walk in the footsteps of Jesus, to show love for each other and to think outside our own fears and needs to consider those who are most needy. It is a difficult time for some people in terms of fear and anxiety, for others with the financial cost to the tourism and hospitality industries, for those with feelings of isolation, who may be separated from their families in other countries. What we need is the courage to be kind and generous, to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. I found the prayer printed here on Instagram and I hope you will find it helpful as we move through this journey together.

Kia kaha, kia maia, kia manawanui.

Prayer for a Pandemic

May we who are merely inconvenienced remember those whose lives are at stake.

May we who have no risk factors remember those who are most vulnerable.

May we who have the luxury of working from home remember those who must choose between preserving their health and making their rent.

May we who have the flexibility to care for our children when their schools close remember those who have no options.

May we who have to cancel our trips remember those who have no safe place to go.

May we who are losing our margin money in the tumult of the economic market remember those who have no margin at all.

May we who settle in for a self-isolation at home remember those who have no home.

During this time when we cannot physically wrap our arms around each other let us yet find ways to be the loving embrace of God to our neighbours.

Amen.