Monitor Bereavement Supplement March 9 2017

MARCH 9, 2017

M

THE

onitor Newspaper of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Trenton, N.J.

2017 Annual

Bereavement Supplement

Inside: Funeral directors embrace unique ministry . . . . . . . . . . . . . S2 Clarity is key in end-of-life discussions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S4

Stock photos

Support, preparation in grieving important . . . . . . . . . . . . . S6 Bereavement support groups in parishes . . . . . . . . . . . . . S12

S2

Bereavement

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

A Ministry of Its Own

Funeral homes provide invaluable service, friendship to grief-stricken Story by Mary Morrell, Correspondent

M

illie is a widow. She has no children and no family in the area. For the past 15 years, after she finishes a morning of grocery shopping, she sometimes stops at the funeral home where she made the final arrangements for her husband. The staff knows how she likes her coffee, she chats with the director, shares some danish and then heads back home after this welcomed get-together with friends.

This type of scenario is not uncommon, said David J. Petaccio Sr., owner and senior director of the Mount Laurel Home for Funerals and member of St. John Neumann Parish, Mount Laurel. It stems, he said, from the funeral home and staff “impacting the bereaved in a loving way.”

Robert C. McGirr, owner and manager of Clayton & McGirr Funeral Home, Freehold, concurred.

“In many instances, you have made friends with individuals who started out as perfect strangers, and you now have a bond that neither of you will ever forget,” he said. “In many occasions, it is as if you have become part of their family and they have become part of yours.”

Certainly, demographics play a part. Before the expansion of communities into the suburbs and the trend of children and extended family members moving away from home, there was a support system in place for most people who had lost a loved one.

“Each of Today, with many families being scattered, the funeral director or our staff members of his staff often become the friends who have shared one of the members most intimate moments in a person’s life – the death of a loved one. reflects the Stanley Winowicz, owner, manager and director of Winowicz Fuspirit of neral Service, Trenton, said the funeral home’s outreach “helps with closure, Joseph of bridges an empty gap in the family Arimathea.” and provides a resource for referrals when people need something more in depth,” like a counselor, bereavement specialist, psychologist or referrals to programs run by Catholic Charities in situations like an addiction, which may have been the result of the loss.

Winowicz, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton, said compassion and hospitality are at the core of their profession, especially in challenging situations when there is a need to choreograph the sometimes-disparate family members.

“It is a labor of love,” Petaccio said. “The healing begins the moment the bereaved walk in the door and you look them in the eyes and express your sympathy – when you invite them to ‘tell me your story’ and let them know that nothing is too much if it will help them get through this.”

For William Boglioli, owner and manager of Woolley-Boglioli Funeral Home, Long Branch, and member of St. Michael Parish, West End, “There is no doubt in my mind that this is a ministry, a calling,” one that requires addressing the needs of those who come for guidance and understanding, and who need to feel confidence and trust in their

An angel figurine tops a headstone at St. Peter’s Cemetery in the Staten Island borough of New York. Funeral home owners say working with families during times of grief creates a bond that sometimes “neither of you will ever forget.” CNS photo/Gregory A. Shemitz

funeral director.

It’s a ministry that belongs to the entire funeral home family, McGirr said.

“Every day, each of our staff members reflects the spirit of Joseph of Arimathea. Joseph showed complete selflessness when he stepped forward to see that Jesus was given a proper burial. We strive to emulate this attitude with each and every family that we serve,” he said.

Easing the Process Today, preparing a proper burial includes an endless list of details that must be organized and handled in a timely fashion. This can sometimes seem overwhelming, even to funeral professionals.

But that’s an important aspect of the funeral home’s outreach, said Boglioli, noting that if funeral homes didn’t handle the details, it would fall to family members and add an unnecessary level of anxiety during a time when they should be focused on grieving.

In addition to the required paperwork after a death, and the on-going conversations with clergy, ministry personnel, cemeteries, crematories and even newspapers, there are the needs of the family to consider.

“There are numerous wishes to satisfy and activities which a family would like to accomplish when someone passes away, ”McGirr said. “Our goal is to advise, help plan, assist and make sure that these activities are carried out successfully.

In modern terms perhaps we could be considered a ‘funeral concierge.’”

In addition to the practical aspects, the ministry of funeral directors is one of relationships, not only with the families of the deceased, but with the many people who play a part in the grieving process. A key relationship is the one with the parish priest.

“The pastor or parish priest offers the spiritual dimension and helps the family prepare for the funeral liturgy,” Petaccio said. “We, at the funeral home, talk about the many options family members have for funeral services and final disposition of the deceased.”

Because emotional and spiritual support

from the clergy is crucial to bereaved family members, “We need to make sure we don’t impede this,” Boglioli said. “We need to be knowledgeable about religious rites and customs. “ In essence, offered Petaccio, “We need to be educators.”

Service to Many For Catholics in particular, cultural changes, including the diminishing participation in the life of the Church, has left Catholics with an incomplete knowledge of Catholic funeral rites and options.

“Years ago, Catholics associated mostly with people in their church or neighborhood. Today, we have friends and neighbors of others faiths.

People see how others are doing funerals, but funeral rites are not the same for all faiths,” Petaccio explained.

Because of this void in knowledge, many pastors are asking funeral homes to offer educational seminars on funeral service options as they relate to Catholic funeral rites. A popular seminar topic today is cremation, noted Petaccio, who has been providing seminars on a variety of topics to churches and in other venues for the past 25 years, and most recently completed a seminar in Our Lady Queen of Peace Parish, Hainsport.

The choice for cremation is on the rise, and experts attribute it mostly to demographic and economic factors, as well as the changing religious landscape. These factors also impact a funeral home’s need to offer options for a wide variety of personal circumstances.

“Each life is unique, and we strive to make certain that our services reflect that uniqueness,” McGirr said. “In my opinion, cremations have increased principally due to our mobile society, protracted illnesses [the long goodbye], and in some cases, of less religious involvement, as well as economics.”

Ultimately, “when the funeral ceremonies have concluded, and each and every wish of a family and the goals set by our staff have been successfully completed, you know you have impacted many lives,” he said.

Bereavement

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

S3

George S. Hassler Funeral Home

A Catholic Family Serving Our Community Since 1978.

George S. Hassler Owner & Director NJ Lic. No. 3193

Brian T. Hassler Manager NJ Lic. No. 4054

980 Bennetts Mills Road P.O. Box 1326 Jackson Twp., New Jersey 08527

www.hasslerfuneralhome.com Phone

Fax

732-364-6808

732-364-8592

Selecting Your Final Resting Place Prior to Need Just Makes Sense None of us like to think about our death. However, we all will go onto eternal life one day. By making your wishes known to your family today, you alleviate unnecessary stress on your family during a time of emotional despair. Plus, by selecting your final resting place prior to need, you will receive our best price. Our installment payment option helps to reduce any Serving financial burden. Choosing your final resting place families in on consecrated grounds is your choice, your 15 privilege and the right of every Catholic.

locations!

S4

Bereavement

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

Quality of Life Clear communication is critical when dealing with end-of-life issues

C

ritically ill patients and their loved ones ride an emotional roller coaster when facing the prospect of physical death. Yet during such a difficult time, there are many end-of-life discussions that need to take place. Clear and open communication between patients and their loved ones can make the journey to eternal life less stressful for everyone.

“So often the missing piece is the totally truthful conversation with each other,” said Marge McGinley, pastoral administrator in Sacred Heart Parish, Mount Holly, who has been a chaplain in Virtua Memorial Hospital, Story by also in Mount Holly, for 10 years. “When we are not honest with people, we miss the Dubravka opportunity to say and do what we need to Kolumbic-Cortese, do.”

The importance of communication when Correspondent dealing with end-of-life issues from a Catholic perspective was the focus of “Consider the Catholic Conversation 2,” an educational workshop for those who minister to Catholic patients and their families.

The 10th annual workshop was mediated

by McGinley and sponsored by Samaritan Healthcare and Hospice’s Via Lucis Ministry for Catholic Patients and Families. This year’s event was held Feb. 24 in the gymnasium of Sacred Heart School in collaboration with the Dioceses of Trenton and Camden.

“Our goal is building awareness for issues of how we “It’s important to realize can better enhance our lives while we are how we can align ourselves living with chronic illness, support the with the Catholic ethical family and work with our health care teachings.” system so our wishes can be honored,” said Carol Paprocki, director of communications for Samaritan.

According to Paprocki, Catholics make up the largest demographic group that Samaritan serves and was the impetus for the establishment of the Via Lucis Ministry.

“We wanted to be sure that the hospice care we provide would be sensitive to our patients’ spiritual needs,” Paprocki said.

Workshop participants included a mixed audience of health care professionals, lay congregants, chaplains, priests and pastoral care personnel. It was open to members of any faith who minister to Catholic patients and their families.

After a dinner, participants viewed a screening of the award-winning documentary, “Consider the Conversation 2: Stories about Cure, Relief and Comfort,” which explores the

Participants at the Via Lucis conference listen attentively to the information being presented on end-oflife issues. Dubravka Kolumbic-Cortese photos

effect of American medicine’s success on the patient/doctor relationship and sheds light on the important role communication has in helping patients, doctors and family members navigate health care options through serious illness and end-of-life.

The participants listened to the perspectives about the documentary that were shared during an expert Catholic panel discussion. Panelists included Susan Berg, oncology nurse at Fox Chase Cancer Center and parish nurse; Dr. Thomas A. Cavalieri, dean and professor of medicine at Rowan University School of Osteopathic Medicine and chief of geriatrics at Our Lady of Lourdes Medical Center, Camden; Susan Cedrone, Samaritan Healthcare and Hospice social worker; Sister of Charity Patricia Codey, Esq., president of Catholic Healthcare Partnership of New Jersey, and Hospitaller Brother of St. John of God Thomas Osorio, interim executive director of St. John of God Community Services, Westville Grove.

Emphasizing the importance of building a rapport with the patient, family and others involved in the patient’s care, Cedrone urged participants to “recognize that we are walking into a system that may already have dysfunction in it, and the medical piece is just adding to it.”

Cavalieri agreed. “We can help people live well, but we can also help people die well,” he said, pointing out that affirming the value of human life transcends all religions.

He noted how the reception of the Sacraments “at the end of life are very important” because “it can be a time to help people come back to their faith.”

Brother Thomas added that it’s important to pay attention to what is and is not being said. “I’m a novice,” he told the audience. “I’m entering into a story because I’m invited.”

The use and cessation of feeding tubes was discussed at length in response to some audience members’ questions. Cavalieri emphasized that feeding tubes are meant to be for short-term use and do not really prolong life.

“It’s important for people to realize how we can align ourselves with the Catholic ethical teachings and to respect the inherent dignity of the person,” Sister Patricia said.

Marge McGinley, pastoral administrator in Sacred Heart Parish, Mount Holly, speaks about the importance of clear communication in end-of-life conversations.

“When the burdens outweigh the benefits, it’s appropriate not to burden the body and family,” she added.

Said Berg, “It’s about the quality of life [of the patient].”

“As Catholics, it’s OK not to try everything,” Sister Patricia said, explaining that artificial nutrition and hydration can also cause pain and complications for the patient. “I’m telling you, it’s OK to die and go to heaven on an empty stomach.”

“I think that when there is good communication amongst family and friends about end-of-life issues,” Cavalieri said, “it really makes for the wishes of the individual to be honored and fulfilled and makes for a dying process that could be very meaningful for the patient and family.

“The end of life is really the beginning of eternal life,” he said.

Sister Patricia agreed, saying, “For Catholics, it’s not about life here; it’s about life after.”

Vincent Okoro, a chaplain in South Woods State Prison, Bridgeton, was attending his third workshop.

“I keep learning new things every day,” Okoro said. “This discussion helps me to look at what is important and how to address these issues and how to talk to them about death.”

Bereavement

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

• JOHN E. DAY FUNERAL HOME

85 Riverside Avenue Red Bank, New Jersey 07701 732-747-0332 www.johnedayfuneralhome.com

THE DIFFERENCE IS SERVICE.

Timothy W. Everett, Manager | N.J. Lic. No. 3506

Family Operated Since 1932

Kenneth P. Duffy, M.P. Lic. No 4392 Theodore Sidun, Manager Lic. No. 4026

Celebrating 126

years of

John M. (Mark) Arnold, Owner | N.J. Lic. No. 4236 Carmen C. Huber | N.J. Lic. No. 3983

serviCe to

the

Community!

3316 Hwy. 33, Neptune, NJ 07753 • 732 918-6650 www.elyfuneralhome.com Michael J. Ely, Manager N.J. Lic. No. 4729

“Thoughtful service since 1891.”

S5

S6

Bereavement

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

from DEANNA BOSCO SASS

DIOCESAN DIRECTOR OF PASTORAL CARE

Support for the grieving comes in many forms

S

ometimes it comes by way of a life-changing phone call: “There’s been an accident…” At other times, it starts with a diagnosis: “We’ve gotten the results of the biopsy…” or sometimes simply by the passage of so much time: “I don’t think Grandma has much time left.”

But no matter how or when it arrives, the news of a life ended is almost always very difficult to hear.

When we lose a parent, a spouse, a friend, a sibling, or God forbid, a child, our own life is forever changed.

The person who has died leaves a hole in our lives, where, in countless little (and big) ways, they used to be present to us.

Years after his retirement, as my father-in-law got older, one by one his weekday breakfast buddies began to pass away. When it was down to just him and one other, they looked at each other and talked about how they missed the vibrant conversations they used to have when there were four or five of them at the table. The dwindling of the breakfast group caused both of them to feel sad for the friends they had lost, and also because it reminded them of their own mortality.

One woman who lost her husband recalled that her grief surged on the first garbage day after he had

passed, when she had to drag the large receptacle to the curb by herself. It made her realize how much she missed her husband, not for what he did, but for his consistent presence in her everyday life. She explained how she burst into tears when she heard the garbage truck roaring from down the street, as she realized that he was no longer there to do what he always had done for so many years, and she felt so terribly alone. She didn’t have a husband anymore.

When my mother passed away, it was toward the end of a school year, and soon after she passed, my five school-aged children were home all day throughout the summer, keeping me very busy. But as the fall rolled around, a new wave of sadness came over me.

I was telling a neighbor about how on the first day of school every year, my mom would always call me around 9 o’clock, and ask, “Did the kids all get on the bus OK?” It was the thought of that call not coming for the first time that brought on a renewed surge of

grief. I didn’t have a mother anymore. That same dear neighbor, remembered what I had said to her, and my phone rang at 9 a.m. on the first day of school, and I heard her say, “Did the kids all get on the bus OK?” Her kindness was a healing balm for my grief.

Sharing our experiences lightens our burdens and doubles our joys. Many Sharing our parishes in our Diocese offer grief or bereavement support experiences groups. Together with others who have experienced a loss, lightens our sharing stories like the ones above, talking about the loved burdens ... one who has passed away and hearing about different ways of coping make going through the experience of grief a little easier to bear. Particularly when the group is built upon the foundation of our Catholic faith, where prayer, sacred music or Scripture are built in to the support group, one may encounter our prime source of comfort and hope in the face of loss, God’s unending love and compassion.

Advance funeral planning can spare loved ones extra grief

N

o one expected Joe to die.

Replace the name “Joe” with anyone you’ve known into that sentence. The holidays just passed, and it’s likely that at some point where the conversations paused, a relative repeated the first sentence in this story. “We didn’t know he was sick.”

“He was in perfect health.” “He looked great when we last saw him.” Now plug in your name into the sentence.

Ok, uncomfortable doing that?

I’ll use mine. No one expected Why take Mark to die.

There are two basic scenarthe chance ios about what Mark’s family experiences when Mark dies. on your Either Mark’s family needs an immediate course in Funeral family and Burial 101, or Mark and his family planned ahead. guessing Let’s take the first example where Mark made no plans in what you advance.

Mark is Catholic, goes to want?

Mass on Sunday, and so his family assumes he’d like a Catholic funeral. What exactly is a “Catholic funeral?” Does that mean a casket, an urn, a Mass, a graveside service, prayers in a funeral home? What about a viewing?

Does Mark want a closed or open casket? Does he want a public or a private viewing? Does he have to have a viewing at all? And what about this embalming thing, is embalming necessary? What’s a DD-214? The funeral director asked if Mark had a DD-214?

The list goes on about the different choices, and I can tell you from experience that when a spouse and

from MARK WILSON

DIRECTOR OF DIOCESAN CEMETERIES

what you want?

Let’s now take the second example of Mark and his family having preplanned his funeral and burial.

When Mark died he had all his choices documented in a letter separate from his Last Will and Testament and not in a safe deposit box at the bank. That letter, stating his funeral and burial wishes, was clear on what to do when he died. Also, he made sure not only his wife but his two children had copies as well.

Why? If you placed this document in a safe deposit box and death occurred when the facility was closed, or worse, over a long weekend, you may not be able to access Mark’s Discussing one’s wishes ahead of time can take the guesswork out of funeral wishes. And today is 2017; put it on and burial planning when the time comes for family to make important deci- a thumb drive as well. sions. CNS photo The purpose of this short two children arrive to make arrangements without story is to encourage you to begin the process now of having preplanned at the funeral home or cemetery, discussing your final wishes. Talk with your spouse, the likelihood of six opinions from three people is very children or other responsible caregiver about what real. The conversation can go from, “Dad never told me happens when you die. Know well in that conversahe wanted that” to “He was insistent on being buried tion that the diocesan cemeteries of the Diocese of in the blue suit.” That dad never told all three the same Trenton are here to answer questions on choices in thing, or never documented his wishes, is when the our cemeteries, and making that call or visit when sorrow can become tense. you have ample time to consider choices will make for Why take the chance on your family guessing a far better decision for you and your family. We look what you want rather than writing it down so you get forward to helping guide you through these choices.

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

Bereavement

Prefund your funeral with

CONFIDENCE.

Funeral planning can be stressful—many decisions have to be made at an emotional time. Preplanning your funeral provides peace of mind to you and your family. And, prepaying helps alleviate financial decisions at the time of death.

Consider the New Jersey Prepaid Funeral Trust Fund™ for your preplanning needs. The program is fully insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) and meets all federal and state regulations for prearrangements and SSI/Medicaid.

Prefund your funeral with confidence using a dependable method you can trust.

To find out more, contact your local funeral director or call 800.286.3628.

© 2017 New Jersey Funeral Directors Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

www.njsfda.org/choices

S7

Bereavement

S8

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

Vatican’s instruction on cremation clear: burial still preferred

Story by Cindy Wooden, Catholic News Service

V

ATICAN CITY • Professing belief in the resurrection of the dead and affirming that the human body is an essential part of a person’s identity, the Catholic Church insists that the bodies of the deceased be treated with respect and laid to rest in a consecrated place.

An urn containing cremated remains is seen in the Holy Sepulchre Cemetery Church confirms its faith in the Resurrec- mausoleum in Coram, N.Y. During an Oct. 25 news conference in Rome, Cardinal Gerhard Muller, prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, tion and separates said that while the Catholic Church continues to prefer burial in the ground, it itself from attitudes accepts cremation as an option, but forbids the scattering of ashes or keeping and rites that see cremated remains at home. CNS photo/Gregory A. Shemitz in death the definitive obliteration of the person, a stage in the process of reincarnation or the fusion of one’s extent – when the urn of the person’s ashes soul with the universe,” Cardinal Gerhard is placed in a columbarium or tomb, the final Muller, prefect of the Congregation for the resting place is marked with the person’s Doctrine of the Faith, said Oct. 25. name, the same name with which the person Presenting the instruction, Cardinal was baptized and by which the person is called Muller said, “Shortly, in many countries, creby God. mation will be considered the ordinary way” to “Belief in the Resurrection of the flesh deal with the dead, including for Catholics. is fundamental,” he said. “A human cadaver Cremation, in and of itself, does not conis not trash,” and an anonymous burial or stitute a denial of belief in the immortality of scattering of ashes “is not compatible with the soul and the Resurrection of the body, the the Christian faith. The name, the person, the instruction says. Nor does it “prevent God, in concrete identity of the person” is important his omnipotence, from raising up the deceased because God created each individual and calls body to new life.” each individual to himself.

However, the Catholic Church wholeIn fact, when asked if there was any way heartedly recommends continuing the “pious to rectify the situation when a person’s ashes practice of burying the dead,” Cardinal Muller already had been scattered, Cardinal Muller said. It is considered one of the corporal works suggested making a memorial in a church of mercy and, mirroring the burial of Christ, or other appropriate place and including the it more clearly expresses hope in the resurrecname of the deceased. tion when the person’s body and soul will be What is more, he said, labeling an urn or reunited. tomb in a public place is an expression of beIn addition, he said, when a person is lief in the “communion of saints,” the unendburied in the ground – and, at least to some ing unity in Christ of all the baptized, living and dead.

As for keeping ashes at home on the mantel, he said it is a sign not only of love and grief, but also of not understanding how the loved one belonged to the entire community of faith The release of a new document last fall on cremation prompted many Catholics to ask whether it and not just to his or her closest relatives. changes any regulations. Catholic News Service posed some of those questions to the staff of the U.S. “Only in grave and exceptional cases,” the Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Secretariat of Divine Worship to have them answered: instruction says, local bishops may give permission for ashes to be kept in a private home.

The document issued last fall from the Con If the Church saw cremation as “wrong,” it Cardinal Muller said it was not up to him, but wouldn’t permit it! Sometimes cremation can gregation for the Doctrine of the Faith spells to local and national bishops’ conferences to truly be necessary. However, the ancient cusout regulations regarding cremation. Does it determine what those “grave and exceptional” tom and the preference of the Church is to bury change anything in how the Catholic Church in circumstances might be. the body, whenever possible. this country has regulated this issue?

In the United States and other countries, a growing number of Catholic cemeteries set No, the new document from the CDF doesn’t What should I do if I’ve already scattered the aside sections for “green burials” for bodies change anything for us in this country. For ashes? that have not been embalmed and are placed example, we already have permission to have in simple wooden caskets that eventually will We can’t change the past, of course, and if you a funeral Mass in the presence of cremated biodegrade along with the body. truly didn’t realize at that time that it shouldn’t remains. What the Instruction does do, how“We believe in the Resurrection of the be done, then you shouldn’t burden yourself ever, is reiterate the Church’s preference for body, and this must be the principle of our with guilt. Remember that what happens to the burial of the body in normal circumstances, understanding and practice,” Cardinal Muller a person’s body after death has no bearing on and, when cremation is necessary, its insistence told Catholic News Service, noting that what happens when that person’s soul meets that the remains be properly interred. there is a difference between allowing for the the Lord on judgment day. However, you might natural decay of the body while protecting If the document says that traditional burial is wish to offer extra prayers for the person’s the environment and seeing the body of the preferred, does that mean cremation is wrong? happy repose. deceased primarily as fertilizer for plants and trees.

While the Catholic Church continues to prefer burial in the ground, it accepts cremation as an option but continues to forbid the scattering of ashes and the growing practice of keeping cremated remains at home.

In 1963, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued an instruction permitting cremation as long as it was not done as a sign of denial of the basic Christian belief in the resurrection of the dead. The permission was incorporated into the Code of Canon Law in 1983 and the Code of Canons of Eastern Churches in “Belief in the Resurrection the 1990.

However, Church of the flesh is law had not specified exactly what should be fundamental.” done with “cremains,” and several bishops’ conferences asked the congregation to provide guidance.

The result, approved by Pope Francis after consultation with other Vatican offices and with bishops’ conferences and the Eastern churches’ synods of bishops, is “Ad resurgendum cum Christo” (“To Rise with Christ”), an instruction “regarding the burial of the deceased and the conservation of the ashes in the case of cremation.”

“Caring for the bodies of the deceased, the

Cremation questions answered

Q

A

A

Q A

Q

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

Bereavement

S9

Abby Rose, Inc. has built a reputation of trust on

the strong foundation of delivering the highest quality monuments and memorials. A memorial is intended to endure the test of time and ensure family members the peace of mind that their loved one will be long remembered. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one, we would like to express our sincere condolences to you and your family and extend an invitation for us to assist you in selecting an appropriate monument or memorial. Our monument display is one of the largest and diverse in the area with over ninety assorted uprights, slants, flat markers and bronze markers on the premises. You can be assured of nothing less than total satisfaction.

Abby Rose Monuments

Jim Kenna, William Farrell & Jacoba Kenna 602 U.S. Highway 130,Yardville • 609-585-2242 (fax 609-581-8986) abbyroseinc@aol.com • www.abbyroseinc.com

Four Generations of Family Service

Two locations:

122 Crosswicks Street Bordentown, NJ 08505 Phone: (609) 298-1333 Fax: (609) 291-1333 pepplerfuneralhome@hotmail.com Edgar N. Peppler Jr. | Manager NJ Lic. No. 3926

114 South Main Street Allentown, NJ 08501 Phone: (609) 259-7391 Fax: (609) 259-1600 pepplerfuneralhome@hotmail.com Karen E. Peppler | Manager NJ Lic. No. 4584

www.pepplerfh.com

S10

Bereavement

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

302 East Union Street, Burlington, NJ 08016 T: 609-386-3700 F: 609-386-8283 www.pagefuneralhome.com pagefuneralhome@comcast.net

Funeral Directors

William T. Slimm, Jr., Mgr., NJ Lic. No. 4218 Brian P. Horne, NJ Lic. No. 4258 Dennis McGee, NJ Lic. No. 4354

VICKI JURKIEWICZ MARIAN MUOIO

Fax (732) 818-3510

Phone (800) 982-5577

Fax (908) 789-7599

www.mastermemorials.com

Poulson & Van Hise Funeral Directors

Family Owned and Operated for Two Generations by The Intelisano Family Silverton Memorial Funeral Home 2482 Church Road, Toms River, NJ (732) 255-6363

650 Lawrence Road Lawrenceville, New Jersey 08648 609-396-8168

“Caring for our Neighbors Since 1888” SERVING ALL FAITHS AND TRADITIONS ADVANCED FUNERAL PLANNING AND COUNSELING ASSISTANCE WITH MEDICAID, SOCIAL SECURITY & VETERANS BENEFITS MEMBER NJ PREPAID FUNERAL TRUST FUND “CHOICES” WE INVITE YOU TO A NO-OBLIGATION VISIT AT ANY TIME PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE www.poulsonvanhise.com

• Pre-need • Traditional • Cremation • Prepaid Insurance Plans • Trust Funds

Joseph C. Parell, III, CFSP Owner/Manager N.J. Lic. # 3529

Paula Intelisano-De John, Manager, N.J. Lic. No. 3438 Gregory De John, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 4261

Scott C. Larkin Director N.J. Lic. #4447

Bereavement

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

S11

In genealogy research, Catholic cemeteries offer some help Story by Mike Nelson Catholic News Service

Peter J. Ryan, director of cemeteries for the Diocese of Rockville Centre, N.Y., looks through lot cards at Holy Rood Cemetery in Westbury, N.Y. The cards contain burial records of the deceased interred at the cemetery. CNS

O

XNARD, Calf. • As interest in genealogical research increases, some Catholics have found that their relatives’ final earthly addresses can be helpful, even valuable resources.

own cemeteries. The first parish of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles – San Gabriel Mission, founded by St. Junipero Serra in 1771 – has (like many California missions) an on-site cemetery, with burials dating to the early 1800s.

“And we do get quite a few requests for family history information,” said Al Sanchez, parish business manager, who oversees cemetery operations. “But we’re at the mercy of those who recorded the information, especially in those early times. Some records will show next of kin; others will show the parents’ names, or who provided the information on the deceased; and others, hardly anything.”

But the policies of San Gabriel Mission Cemetery are that requests for information must be made by email or in writing, and records are not available for the public to walk in and peruse.

“Most of those records are very fragile and irreplaceable,” Sanchez said.

There also are privacy concerns, said Peterson of Seattle. “You need to strike the balance between offering information that is a matter of public record and respecting the privacy of a family,” he said. “So we are careful with what we provide.”

“Catholic cemeteries represent a photo/Gregory A. Shemitz living archive of our faith community,” said Richard Peterson, director of Associated Catholic Cemeteries in the Archdiocese of Seattle, and treasurer of Thus, while some burial records in writing, and it discourages “walk in” the Catholic Cemetery Conference. visits from people wanting to comb may contain additional sacramental “We’re fortunate to have these through records on their own. information, perhaps even a newspaper resting places for those who built our “We can’t take the chance for our obituary attached, those are exceptions. faith communities,” he said. “It offers a records, especially those older records “If we can locate the site, we can valuable link to those of us who serve the provide a copy of the original burial which aren’t in our electronic database, Church today, and so it makes sense that to be lost, misplaced or taken by people record,” said Luanne Baron, records ofpeople want to know more about their wanting them for their personal family fice manager for the Catholic Cemeteries past. And assisting people in their gearchives,” Baron said.

Association of Boston, which oversees nealogical research is part of the mission In addition to diocesan Catholic 25 cemeteries in the archdiocese. “That and ministry of Catholic cemetery staff.” cemeteries offices, many larger or older record would include the name of the deBut he and other cemetery offidioceses have older parishes with their ceased, date of burial, the exact gravesite cials acknowledged that this increased number and location, and possibly other interest in family history research has information – like the date of death, or required diocesan offices and individual the person’s age at the time of death.”

Catholic cemeteries to institute poliFor those who inquire, Catholic cies designed to assist the inquiring Cemeteries of Boston provides the deresearchers, but also to protect historic ceased’s gravesite location at no charge. records and limited resources.

For additional information, a nominal Moreover, those seeking informafee is requested with the proviso that it tion on Grandma Jones or Great Uncle will be returned if a search is unsuccessful.

Pete should be advised that the proBut that sort of research takes staff cess may not be as rapid as they would time, Baron said, “and genealogical hope, nor will it likely yield much more research is not our first priority.” Nor information than the date of burial and all burial or entombment records SalesareRep: gravesite location. recorded in a centrally located database; “Cemetery records were never in the case of “older lots,” or burial locaPH bds Tue - 12/06/2016 - 4:50:25 set up with the expectation that they tions, “chances are they won’t be in our would also provide extensive data for database,” Baron said. genealogical research,” the Archdiocese Like most diocesan cemetery ofof Chicago’s Catholic Cemeteries Office fices, Boston’s requests that inquiries points out on its website. on burial and death records be made

Final Visual

PM

313703.2876

Act Now PRE-NEED DISCOUNT

1610 Allenwood Rd. Wall, NJ 07719 732-681-6269 • 732-614-0600

up to

By pre-planning your Catholic burial today, you can take advantage of significant savings & avoid placing needless stress & financial burden on your loved Name ______________________________________________________ ones in the future.

Address ____________________________________________________

• Mausoleum Crypts • Cremation Niches • Ground Burial • Cremation Gardens

Advertise with Valpak of Jersey Coast, (732) 722-5316

City __________________________ State ________Zip _____________ Home Phone ________________________________________________ Email ______________________________________________________

©VPDMS, Inc. 1/2017.

$100000

Interest FREE Monthly Payments For more info, call our Cemetery Consultant Today 732-681-6269 Call 732-614-0600 Open more great neighborhood deals at valpak.com!

313703.2876

S12

Bereavement

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

Parishes announce bereavement support groups

T

he following parishes have announced bereavement support groups for adults and RAINBOWS grief support group for children as noted. It is recommended that individuals wishing to join a support group meet first with the designated bereavement minister. Though this list is current, it is suggested that you confirm this information in the months to come.

Burlington County BORDENTOWN, St. Mary • For information, contact Deacon Thomas Shea, 609-298-0261. Located at 45 Crosswicks Street.

BROWNS MILLS, St. Ann • For information, contact Phyllis McKinstry, 609-893-3407. Located at 22 Trenton Road.

CINNAMINSON, St. Charles Borromeo • For information, contact Mary Smith, 856-829-3322. Located at 2226 Riverton Road.

HAINESPORT, Our Lady Queen of Peace • For information, contact Norma Larsen, 609-267-0230. Loacted at 1603 Marne Highway.

MARLTON, St. Joan of Arc • For information, contact Terry MacLaughlin, 856-267-5800, tmterrymaclaughlin@gmail. com. Located at 100 Willow Bend Road.

MEDFORD, St. Mary of the Lakes • For information, contact Deacon McMahon, 609-645-8208, ext. 512. Located at 40 Jackson Road.

MOORESTOWN, Our Lady of Good Counsel • Will hold an eight-week support group beginning Thursday, March 16 in Quinn House, three houses to the right of the church on Main Street. The purpose of the program is to have those who have lost a loved one come together as a group in a safe, loving and caring environment, to work towards moving through their grief and separation, and begin a journey toward recovery and hope. The program is open to all who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

For information or to register, contact Mary Parsons, Mary.a.parsons@comcast.net, 609-923-4369 or Frank Kilkenney, 856-273-8036, fjkimk@aol.com. Located at 42 W. Main Street.

MOUNT LAUREL, St. John Neumann • For information, contact Mary DiPietro, 856-235-1330. Located at 560 Walton Street.

RIVERSIDE, Jesus the Good Shepherd • For information, contact Sister Ann Barry, 856-461-0100. Located at 101 Middleton Street.

RIVERTON, Sacred Heart • Support group sessions are held in the family center, room 6 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. on the following dates and topics: March 2, “Acceptance;” March 9, “The Pain of Grief/Our Feelings are Normal;” March 16,

Located at 3816 E. State Street Ext. HAMILTON SQUARE, St. Raphael-Holy Angels • For information, contact Deacon Bob Tharp, 609-890-1011.

Located at 3500 S. Broad Street.

HIGHTSTOWN, St. Anthony of Padua • For information, contact Deacon Michael Scannella, 609-658-4483 or 609448-0141, ext. 28. Located at 251 Franklin Street.

PRINCETON, St. Paul • Will hold a nine-week spring grief support group from April 19 to June 14 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. in the spiritual center, lounge one. For information, contact John Twamley, 609-924-1743, johntwamley7@ comcast.net. Located at 216 Nassau Street.

WEST TRENTON, Our Lady of Good Counsel • For information, contact Deacon John, 609-771-8288, olgc@comcast. net. Located at 137 W. Upper Ferry Road.

WEST WINDSOR, St. David the King • For information, contact Nanci Bachman, 609-275-7111, ext. 311. Located at 1 New Village Road.

Monmouth County ASBURY PARK, Mother of Mercy • For information, contact Bob Rizzo, 732-897-0120. Located at 705 Second Street.

BRADLEY BEACH, Ascension • For information, contact Deacon Kopcak, 732-774-0456, jkopcak1@optonline.net.

Located at 501 Brinley Avenue.

Stock photos

“Adjusting to a Life Beyond Loss;” March 23, “The Grieving Process,” and March 30, “Our Journey Towards a New Life.”

All are welcome for any or all sessions. For information, contact Fran Stinsman, 856-786-0445. Located at 103 Fourth Street.

TABERNACLE, Holy Eucharist • For information, contact Deacon Joe DeLuca, 609-268-8383, ext. 114, JDeluca@ holyeucharist.org. Located at 520 Medford Lakes Road.

WILLINGBORO, Corpus Christi • For information, contact Franciscan Sister Robert Marie Green, 609-871-4226.

Located at 11 S. Sunset Road.

Mercer County EWING, Incarnation-St. James • For information, contact Sister Diane Simons, 609-882-8989. Located at 1565 Pennington Road.

HAMILTON, Our Lady of Sorrows-St. Anthony • For information, contact Deacon Jeff Pierfy, 609-658-4372.

COLTS NECK, St. Mary • For information, contact Marilyn Symone, 732-780-2666, hamarn351@verizon.net. Located at 1 Phalanx Road.

DEAL, St. Mary • For information, contact Pat Serafino, 732531-1409. Located at 46 Richmond Avenue.

EATONTOWN, St. Dorothea • For information, contact Betty Martino, 732-542-0148. Located at 64 Broad Street.

KEYPORT, St. Joseph • For information, contact Marion Marchese, 732-264-0322. Located at 376 Maple Place.

MIDDLETOWN, St. Mary, Mother of God • For information, contact Bob Batz, 732-787-8566. Located at 26 Leonardville Road.

MANASQUAN, St. Denis • Will offer sessions for those who have experienced a loss recently or not so recently, to join with others who are bereaved. Through mutual sharing with guidance, these sessions will offer support, prayer and work on answering questions about loss, grief coping and potential for renewal of self and hope. We will explore feelings of loss, mourning and seeking reconciliation, not resolution. To register or for information, contact Eileen Ziesmer, 732-223-0287, ext. 303; eileenziesmer@ gmail.com. Located at 90 Union Avenue.

See Bereavement • S14

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

Bereavement

S13

TWO MUST READ BOOKS for those facing the most difficult times in their life. A spiritual journey for the “soul,” bringing comfort and reassurance!

“Dying without Crying” ~ respect, compassion, dignity; replacing fear with empowerment. A beautiful concise guide for hospice & bereavement.

“Affairs of the Heart” ~ faith,

hope, healing; a journey to a closer relationship with God.

By J. I. Willett Amazon International #1 Best-selling author jiwillett@YourGodSpeaks.com • Facebook.com/jiwillett

To purchase go to: www.YourGodSpeaks.com

Mount Laurel Home for Funerals, Inc., 212 Ark Road, Mount Laurel, NJ 08054

Get your daily dose of

POPE FRANCIS…

The Holy Father has spoken out prolifically on the ways that Catholics should give witness to their faith in Jesus Christ.

The Monitor posts something new from Pope Francis everyday.

Go to TrentonMonitor.com and click on POPE FRANCIS.

Bereavement

S14

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

Bereavement ministries serve in parishes across Diocese Continued from • S12

MONMOUTH BEACH, Precious Blood • For information contact Kimberly Williams, 732-222-4756, Rainbows for Children, contact Michael Meriton, mikemeriton@gmail. com. Located at 72 Riverdale Avenue.

RUMSON, Holy Cross • Rainbows for Children. For information, contact Eugenia Kelly, 732-842-0348, ext. 1127, ekelly@holycrossrumson.org. Held in Holy Cross School at 40 Rumson Road.

SEA GIRT, St. Mark • For information, contact Susan Nolan, 732-449-6364. Located at 215 Crescent Parkway.

SPRING LAKE, St. Catharine • For information, contact Sister Margaret, 732-449-5765, ext. 124. Located at Third Avenue and Essex Avenue.

WAYSIDE, St. Anselm • The support group meets every third Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. For information, contact Sandy Mullarkey, 732-493-4411, ext. 102; sandystanselm@aol.com. Located at 102 Wayside Avenue.

WEST LONG BRANCH, St. Jerome • For information, contact Pat Serafino, 732-531-1409. Located at 254 Wall Street.

Ocean County BRANT BEACH, St. Francis of Assisi • For information,

contact Sister Pat McNiff, 609-494-8861, ext. 157. Located at 4700 Long Beach Boulevard.

BRICK, St. Dominic • Will hold the following meetings: Caregiver support group the last Thursday of the month at 1 p.m. in the community room; six week session program bereavement group the first Wednesday of each month at 10 a.m. in the community room and a six week session program bereavement group evening meetings the first Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. in the parish meeting room. For information, contact the parish office, 732-8401410. Located at 250 Old Squan Road.

BRICK, Visitation • For information, contact Deacon Richard Johnston, 732-477-9672, ext. 221. Located at 730 Lynnwood Avenue.

FORKED RIVER, St. Pius X • Rainbows for Children. For information, contact, Paula Little, 609-693-5107. Located at 300 Lacey Road.

JACKSON, St. Aloysius • For information, contact parish office, 732-370-0500. Located at 935 Bennetts Mills Road.

JACKSON, St. Monica • For information, contact Kate Scott, 732-323-8380. Located at 679 W. Veteran’s Highway.

LAKEHURST, St. John • For information, contact Deacon Ron Kerr, 732-657-6347. Located at 619 Chestnut Street.

LAKEWOOD, St. Mary of the Lake • Rainbows for Children.

For information, contact, Cetta Lieb, 732-363-8262, office 732-600-4359. Located at 43 Madison Avenue.

LITTLE EGG HARBOR, St. Theresa • For information, contact parish office, 609-296-2504. Located at 450 Radio Road.

POINT PLEASANT, St. Martha • For information, contact parish office, 732-295-3630. Located at 3800 Herbertsville Road.

TOMS RIVER, St. Joseph • For information, contact Deacon Mike Taylor, 732-349-0018, ext. 2223. Located at 685 Hooper Avenue.

TOMS RIVER, St. Justin • For information, contact parish office, 732-270-3980, Kate Miick, 732-232-8614, KateMiick710@gmail.com, Diane Noonan, 732-503-1536.

Located at 975 Fischer Boulevard.

TOMS RIVER, St. Luke • For information, contact Anna Hardman, 732-286-2222. Located at 1674 Old Freehold Road.

TOMS RIVER, St. Maximilian Kolbe • For information, contact Madeline Gardner, 732-608-6840. Located at 130 St. Maximilian Lane.

WHITING, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton • For information, contact parish office, 732-350-5001. Located at 30 Schoolhouse Road.

Grieving?

We’re here to help 2560 Pennington Road, Pennington NJ

Wilson-Apple Funeral Home R. Asher Wilson, Manager NJ Lic #3823, PA Lic#013073-L 609-737-1498

Cromwell-Immordino Memorial Home Joseph A. Immordino, Jr. Manager NJ Lic #4231 609-466-0233

Both Wilson-Apple Funeral Home and Cromwell-Immordino Memorial home have been serving Hopewell Valley area for a combined 120 years of continuous funeral service. We are serving Hopewell Township, Hopewell Borough, Lawrence, Ewing, Pennington and Titusville.

A Free Support Center for Grief and Loss The Swede Chevalier Building

210 West Front Street, Suite 209 Red Bank, NJ 07701

732-614-1142 www.stephysplace.org

Bereavement

MARCH 9 , 2017 • TrentonMonitor.com

St. Anselm Church

S15

Quinn Hopping Funeral Home

1028 Wayside Road • Tinton Falls 732-493-4411 x102 sandystanselm@aol.com

BURIALS | ENTOMBMENTS | CREMATIONS | PRE-PLANNING

BEREAVEMENT GROUP Meet every third Thursday each month at 7pm

“We are dedicated to exceeding expectations and delivering a standard of service that is 100% guaranteed.”

Michael T. Sutton, Manager N.J. Lic. No. 4128

David Kalinowski, Director N.J. Lic. No. 3925

Benjamin “Matt” Wade Advance Planning Director N.J. Lic. No. 5028

Steven J. Andrews, Director N.J. Lic. No. 4435

26 Mule Road, Toms River, NJ | 732-240-3800 | www.quinn-hoppingfh.com

SAUL FUNERAL HOMES, INC. Established 1899 W. William Saul, Owner Emeritus

But grief is a walk alone.

Others can be there, and listen. But you will walk alone down your own path, at your own pace, with your sheared-off pain, your raw wounds, your denial, anger, and bitter loss. You’ll come to your own peace, hopefully...but it will be on your own,

in your own time.

A.S. Cole Son & Co. 22 North Main Street Cranbury, NJ 08512 609-395-0770

Glackin/Saul Funeral Home 136 Morrison Avenue Hightstown, NJ 08520 609-448-1801

Saul Colonial Home

3795 Nottingham Way Hamilton Square, NJ 08690 609-587-0170

Kimberly M. Saul–Bowne, CFSP, Manager N.J. Lic. No. 4110 www.saulfuneralhomes.com

Saul Memorial Home 1740 Greenwood Avenue Hamilton, NJ 08609 609-587-8221

S16

Bereavement

THE MONITOR • MARCH 9, 2017

Our Diocesan Cemeteries Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery is now open for ground burials and inurnments and can provide temporary entombments during our mausoleum construction. Each of Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery mausoleum rendering Jesus, Bread of Life burial grounds our ground spaces are double-depth and can accommodate St. Anthony Garden two full casket burials. Our ground Columbarium burial offerings feature flat marker sections as well as upright monument sections, providing families with choices for their eternal resting spaces.

Construction is well underway for our mausoleum which will feature 1,404 casket spaces in several Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery St. Mary’s Cemetery and Mausoleum different configurations; single, true companion, tandem and abbey crypts. The mausoleum will feature indoor and outdoor crypts, as well as indoor and outdoor niches, and glass niches in the interior.

The Diocese of Trenton operates St. Mary’s Cemetery and Mausoleum, a 35-acre cemetery with five large mausoleums on Cedar Lane, near Olden Currently operating for ground burials of casketed and Ave., Trenton. With an endowed perpetual care fund, St. Mary Cemetery cremated remains, our mausoleum is under construction and Mausoleum provides a sacred, well-cared for, and peaceful setting, with and at-need mausoleum families can temporarily entomb in-ground burials, crypt entombments and niches for cremated remains. with us during the construction phase. Temporary entombments are currently at St. Mary’s Cemetery and The diocesan Department of Catholic Cemeteries is available to the Mausoleum in Hamilton, NJ. many parish cemeteries for leadership, and sees its work, not as a business, but a work of mercy. The office offers: Along with our outdoor niches, the St. Anthony Garden Columbarium opened in the spring of 2016,  Full-time personnel to arrange for dignified interment services as and offers the added choice of a garden-like setting for part of the Christian burial ceremony families choosing cremation as their final disposition.  Ground and building maintenance  Careful record keeping  FOR ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS or to receive more specific information about availability,  FOR ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS or to receive more specific pricing, finance and payment options, please contact information about availability, pricing, finance and payment options at Deacon Ed Heffernan at 856-317-6400 or eheffe@ St. Mary’s Cemetery and Mausoleums, please contact Mary McLoughlin dioceseoftrenton.org.

Pender at 609-394-2017 or mpender@dioceseoftrenton.org.

You may also download our brochure or visit our St. Mary’s Cemetery and Mausoleum website at www.jesusbreadoflife.net.

1200 Cedar Lane, Hamilton, NJ 08610 Of course, you can stop by and visit us at: Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery 3055 Fostertown Road, Mount Laurel, NJ 08054 St. Francis Cemetery, Roebling Avenue, Trenton, NJ 08611 St. Stephen Cemetery, Clover Avenue, Trenton, NJ 08611 Holy Sepulchre Cemetery, 1001 Old Cedar Lane, Hamilton, NJ 08610 St. Nicholas Cemetery, Olden Avenue, Trenton, NJ 08611

St. Mary’s Cemetery and Mausoleum

Associated Cemeteries

Diocese of Trenton, Department of Catholic Cemeteries