Monitor Annual Bereavement Supplement 2015 by Diocese of Trenton

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2015 ANNUAL

B ereavement

SUPPLEMENT â&#x20AC;˘ FEBRUARY 26, 2015

This stained glass image of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead can be seen in St. Mary of the Assumption Cathedral, Trenton. Monitor archive photo

INSIDE:

THE

Diocesan family served by Catholic cemeteries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S2 Storytelling aids in grieving process. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S4 Bereavement ministers share in fruits of their work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S6 Diocesan training slated for bereavement ministers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S8 Lazarus Ministry helps bereaved navigate funeral rites . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S14 Parish listing of bereavement ministries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S18

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

A Faith-filled End of Life

Department of Catholic Cemeteries ministers to diocesan faithful By Christina Leslie Staff Writer

urial of the dead is one of the Church’s seven corporal works of mercy. Preparing a final resting place for deceased Catholics in consecrated, or blessed, ground allows the faithful to complete the cycle of faith begun at Baptism and serves as the last testimony of those who believe in the hope of resurrection. Additionally, burial in a Catholic cemetery serves as a public witness to the sanctity of life. Catholics in the Diocese of Trenton and their families are served by the diocesan Department of Catholic Cemeteries, which recognizes the importance of a respectful committal of the body and the works of mercy involved in the nurturing and preservation of the grounds which serve as a final resting place for generations of Catholics. The department, through its work in both parish properties and expanding diocesan cemeteries, as well as with both cemetery staff and bereaved families, is working to meet the needs of the Catholic community now and well into the future. Mark Wilson, department director, outlined the steps the department takes to fulfill its mission to share its ministry of knowledgeable, prayerful support to the faithful in their time of need.

Resources, Assistance for All The Department of Catholic Cemeteries operates the “flagship” cemetery of the Diocese of Trenton, St. Mary’s Cemetery. With an endowed perpetual care fund, the 35-acre expanse on Cedar Lane near Olden Avenue, Trenton, has provided a sacred, well-tended and peaceful setting since it first opened in 1850. St. Mary’s operates four area “satellite” cemeteries: St. Francis, St. Stephen, Holy Sepulchre and St. Nicholas. For those families who desire an aboveground burial of their loved one’s mortal remains, the cemetery offers interment in one of five mausoleums. These free-standing buildings serve both as a monument and burial chambers for its deceased inhabitants; in addition to the tombs themselves, the mausoleums contain benches for visitors, a place for flowers, statuary and a chapel to offer a home for prayers for the dead. Masses for the deceased are also held in these Catholic mausoleums throughout the year. In addition to St. Mary’s Cemetery, the Diocese of Trenton enfolds 26 cemeteries operated by parishes within its four counties. Whether they are operated by volunteers or professional staff, Wilson stressed he is available to assist the parishes in fulfilling their sacred duty to treat those who have gone before us in faith with the utmost respect. “Part of my mission is to help parishes run their cemeteries, to be a resource for them to call upon,” he said. To that end, the department holds continuing educational seminars in each of the four counties for parish cemetery staff that are designed to strengthen and formalize the interment process. Wilson noted diocesan personnel are available to as-

EARTHLY RESTING PLACE • The mausoleum to be built in Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery will feature space for more than 1,400 casket burials and 800 niches. Photos courtesy of the diocesan Department of Catholic Cemeteries

“We are in the eternity business… The Catholic Church doesn’t walk away from cemeteries; we will continue to run them.” sist parish representatives to consult with the bereaved, arrange for dignified interment as part of the Christian burial ceremony, perform ground and building maintenance and keep careful records. The same care is taken with cemetery operations whether they are expanding or have reached full capacity, or belong to parishes still in operation or have merged or closed, the director stressed. “We are in the eternity business,” Wilson said. “The Catholic Church doesn’t walk away from cemeteries; we will continue to run them.”

transferred from their temporary resting place in the parish cemetery to the above-ground mausoleum. Similar transfers were made with the completion of the Christ the King Mausoleum at St. Maximilian Kolbe, Toms River.

A New Resting Place for Burlington County Construction is underway in Mount Laurel for the second diocesan cemetery. Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery, the first Catholic cemetery in southern Burlington See Cemetery • S-12

Change Ever Constant Wilson noted the cemeteries of the Diocese are continually maintained and improved, serving to enrich the experience for visiting Catholics seeking modern yet faith-filled places of rest. Requests from an increasing number of individuals and families seeking interment in mausoleums prompted the completion of two such facilities in the Diocese. St. Anne’s Mausoleum, Wall, which is managed by St. Catharine-St. Margaret Parish, Spring Lake, was opened for entombments in the fourth quarter of 2014, making fulfillment for this type of interment a reality for families of deceased first buried in the cemetery’s grave sites. Msgr. Thomas A. Luebking, former pastor of St. Catherine-St. Margaret Parish, was the first of over 60 decedents to be

“

an needs eternity for every other hope is too brief, too limited for him. Man can be explained only if there is a Love which overcomes every isolation, even that of death, in a totality which also transcends time and space. Man can be explained, he finds his deepest meaning, only if there is God. And we know that God left his distance for us and made himself close. He entered into our life and tells us: “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die (Jn 11:25-26).” • Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

EVERLASTING LIGHT • Sunlight streams through the entrance of Christ the King Mausoleum at St. Maximilian Kolbe. The mausoleum offers an aboveground option for burial to Catholics from the Toms River area.

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FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

THINGS MY FATHER TAUGHT ME

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Mary Morrell

Sorrow lifts when we surrender our memories to God “Something quite unexpected has happened. It came this morning early. For various reasons, not in themselves at all mysterious, my heart was lighter than it had been for many weeks. … Suddenly, at the very moment when, so far, I mourned [her] least, I remembered her best. … It was like the lifting of the sorrow removed a barrier.” C. S. Lewis, “A Grief Observed”

ecently, during an extended time at home recuperating from a medical procedure, I whiled away a Sunday afternoon watching a marathon of Mario Lanza movies. I grew up with Mario Lanza, the renowned American actor, tenor and opera singer who was known as one of the great romantic performers of his time, because my mother, Georgette, was smitten by his voice. Sundays in our home were times of a special Sunday dinner and a few hours of watching musicals or my mom’s favorite movies, which often featured Mario Lanza, Errol Flynn or Robert Taylor. Of course, in Mario Lanza’s case, if there were no movies on, there was always our record collection. There were many nights as a child when I fell asleep with his beautiful voice swelling from the record player or kitchen radio and filling our small home. My mother knew the lyrics to all the songs he sang, but one in particular had found a place in her heart: “Be My Love.” Sometimes, when I would hear the moving melody of that song, I would sneak out of bed and tiptoe into the hallway to get a glimpse of her singing as she

cleaned up after dinner: “Be my love, for no one else can end this yearning, this need that you and you alone create…” Often, her face bore an entranced expression of being carried away to a different time and place, and I wondered if there were some secret of her heart to which I had never been privileged. So, my Sunday afternoon marathon became more than a time of enjoyable movies. It became a time of memories Nothing and being teary-eyed, and when, during “The Toast of can satisfy New Orleans,” Mario began singing “Be My Love,” it the deepest became a full-blown cry-fest longing and needing half a box of tissues. Memories are powerful desire of the things. They are moments the past that have the heart, except from power to transform who we are into who we were meant God alone. to be, or they may be pieces of time that serve as obstacles to our wholeness. When my mother became seriously ill with cancerous lesions on her brain, and had lost her ability to walk or talk or see, and certainly to sing, I bought the tape of “Be My Love,” and a set of headphones and played the song for her every day. I prayed that, in listening, she would be transported once again to a place

What We Believe Christian Funerals

he following excerpts are taken from the General Introduction of the “Order of Christian Funerals”: • At the death of a Christian, whose life of faith was begun in the waters of Baptism and strengthened at the Eucharistic table, the Church intercedes on behalf of the deceased because of its confident belief that death is not the end nor does it break the bonds forged in life. The Church also ministers to the sorrowing and consoles them in the funeral rites with the comforting word of God and the Sacrament of the Eucharist.

RICH IN MEANING • During the funeral rites, mourners gather around a casket draped with a white pall, recalling the white garment of Baptism, when Christian life begins, and reminding those assembled in their faith in resurrection. CNS photo

• Christians celebrate the funeral rites to offer worship, praise, and thanksgiving to God for the gift of a life which has now been returned to God, the author of life and the hope of the just. The Mass, the memorial of Christ’s Death and Resurrection, is the principal celebration of the Christian funeral. • The Church through its funeral rites commends the dead to God’s merciful love and pleads for the forgiveness of their sins. At the funeral rites, especially at the celebration of the eucharistic sacrifice, the Christian community affirms and expresses the union of the Church

on earth with the Church in Heaven in the one great communion of saints. Though separated from the living, the dead are still at one with the community of believers on earth and benefit from their prayers and intercession. At the Rite of Final Commendation and Farewell, the community acknowledges the reality of separation and commends the deceased to God. In this way it recognizes the spiritual bond that still exists between the living and the dead and proclaims its belief that all the faithful will be raised up and reunited in the new heavens and a new earth, where death will be no more.

LIFETIME OF MEMORIES • Photos, like this one of my mom, Georgette Regina Clifford, serve as gateways to memories that, early in our grieving, may make us cry, but, later, serve to renew our hearts with gratitude for the person we loved. Courtesy photo far away from her pain and impending death. For a long time, the memory of her suffering and death paralyzed me with grief, and the lyrics of that song were unbearable. Now, as time and prayer have sealed the wounds and made healing possible, those words have taken on a new and deeper meaning in light of a beautiful Lenten meditation: “Nothing can satisfy the deepest longing and desire of the heart, except God alone.” The longing that inevitably overwhelms our hearts and minds when we lose someone we love is often the powerful, though deeply painful, experience that leads us to an understanding that our emptiness, our incompleteness, will only be filled with God. The certain way for our imperfect human hearts to recover from what often seems like an endless succession of losses is to fall in surrender to the God whose divine heart is always open to take us in and hold us until the pain has subsided. I may never know, in this earthly life at least, what my mother yearned for, but I know that somewhere deep in her soul she knew a longing for God that is now fulfilled, a need for her Beloved that is no longer a need but a moment to moment communion. Mary Morrell is the managing editor of The Monitor.

Prayer for Mourners Lord God, you are attentive to the voice of our pleading. Let us find in your Son comfort in our sadness, certainty in our doubt, and courage to live through this hour. Make our faith strong through Christ out Lord, Amen.

Order of Christian Funerals

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

Journey through grief eased by storytelling, journaling By Lois Rogers Correspondent “Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break.”

hose words from the Bard, now four centuries old, have withstood the test of time. Results of numerous internet searches on the importance of talking and, indeed, writing about the loss of a loved one, show the quote from a grief-stricken Malcolm in MacBeth has passed seamlessly from Shakespeare’s tragedy to the Internet. Their meaning is especially appreciated by those in bereavement ministry, many of whom have suffered personal loss. They regard sharing stories and keeping journals that tell the stories of loved ones as vital to the grieving, and indeed, the healing process. Eileen Streight has 25 years in bereavement ministry in St. Raphael-Holy Angels Parish, Hamilton. Ask her how much storytelling and journaling about the deaths of loved ones helps in the grieving process and she’s apt to begin with tales drawn intimately from her own life, recalling for instance, the death of her grandmother when Streight was six. In a recent interview, she told of how an Irish aunt walked Eileen, 6, and her sister, 4, to the church “to that funeral” against the wishes of other

family members who wanted to shield the children from death. “Aunt Mamie would have none of it, our not going,” she said, sharing the tale of the first family death she experienced. “We were Irish,” she said, “and that was part of life.” The story has been shared many times since, said Streight. Each repetition marks the passing of an ancestor succeeding generations never knew, invoking her memory, her place on the family tree, her life on earth and her eternal life. Such experiences and the stories that encapsulate them, are the “Holy Spirit coming through,” says Straight. “They stick with you forever …” and they are meant to be shared. Coping with death is never easy, acknowledged Streight. But sharing the stories of loved ones helps grief to diminish. Research has shown that the more we share, whether with family, friends or in a bereavement group, the more it helps ease the pain, said Streight. Theresa Damiano, a member of the bereavement ministry team in St. Barnabas Parish, Bayville, for five years, expressed the same sentiments. “You loved the person and it’s beneficial” to want to talk about them, she said. “It makes you feel good to do that. You miss them,” she said. Talking about them with other people and writing about them doesn’t take away the hurt, she said. But it does help the survivor to “get

HEALING WORDS •

Writing reflections about death of someone close “you can see where God is walking with you,’ noted bereavement counselor Theresa Damiano of St. Barnabas Parish, Bayville. Stock photo

back to life, to see where God was in all this.” Damiano, who came to bereavement ministry after the death of her husband, recommends journaling “to everyone. If you look back in your journal, you can see where you were and how far you’ve come. You forget those special moments if you don’t write them down. In your journal, you can see where God is walking with you.” Those called to pastoral care, including Deanna Sass, director of the diocesan Department of Pastoral Care, and therapist, Ellen Marie Dumer, reflected on the importance of shared stories in the life cycle in general and

‘In My Father’s House There Are Many Rooms’ Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI reflects on commemorating the dead “… during these days we go to the cemetery to pray for the loved ones who have left us, as it were paying a visit to show them, once more, our love, to feel them still close, remembering also, an article of the Creed: in the communion of saints there is a close bond between us who are still walking here upon the earth and those many brothers and sisters who have already entered eternity. Human beings have always cared for their dead and sought to give them a sort of second life through attention, care and affection. In a way, we want to preserve their experience of life; and, paradoxically, by looking at their graves, before which countless memories return, we discover how they lived, what they loved, what they feared, what they hoped for and what they hated. They are almost a mirror of their world. Despite the fact that death is an almost forbidden subject in our society and that there is a continuous attempt to banish the thought of it, death touches each of us... And before this mystery we all, even unconsciously, search for something to give us hope, a sign that might bring us consolation, open up some horizon, offer us a future once more. The road to death, in reality, is a way of hope and it passes through our cemeteries, just as can be read on the tombstones and fulfills a journey marked by the hope of eternity. Why has humanity, for the most part, never resigned itself to the belief that beyond life there is simply nothing? I would say that there are multiple answers: we are afraid of death because we are afraid of that nothingness, of leaving this world for something we don’t know, something unknown to us. And, then, there is a sense of rejection in us because we cannot accept that all that is beautiful and great, realized during a lifetime, should be suddenly erased, should fall into the abyss of nothingness. Above all, we feel that love calls and asks for eternity and it is impos-

Icon of Communion of Saints. Stock photo

sible to accept that it is destroyed by death in an instant. Let us think for a moment of the scene on Calvary and listen again to Jesus’ words from the height of the Cross, addressed to the criminal crucified on his right: “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise” (Lk 23:43). We think of the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, when, after traveling a stretch of the way with the Risen Jesus, they recognize him and set out immediately for Jerusalem to proclaim the Resurrection of the Lord (cf. Lk 24:13-35). The Master’s words come back to our minds with renewed clarity: “Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” (Jn 14:1-2). God is truly demonstrated, he became accessible, for he so loved the world “that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (Jn 3:16), and in the supreme act of love. on the Cross, immersing himself in the abyss of death, he conquered it, and rose and opened the doors of eternity for us, too.” Excerpted from the Pope’s General Audience, Nov. 2, 2011

especially when a loved one dies. “Stories are what connect all human beings to one another,” said Sass. “People who share a unique experience, such as wartime combat, surviving a traumatic event, like 9/11, or enduring another tragic experience, such as the loss of a child, unite us as humans in profound, deep ways.” Stories link family members, dear friends and even perfect strangers who share them in support groups and “almost immediately become fast friends,” she said. As important as communication is in the grieving process, it’s not unusual for those who are bereaved to have trouble sharing the depth of their loss with others, said Dumer. In some instances, they struggle to find the words, in others, relatives and friends find it difficult to engage. Dumer, who offers grief counseling in her Maryland practice, is a member of St. Mary of the Assumption Parish, Pylesville, Md., where her husband, Gary, is a deacon. Her moving Jan. 20 entry in her blog, “Deep in Your Soul … musings on a Catholic life” – http://www.deepinyoursoul.com/ is a wonderful example of why journaling holds a place in the grieving process. From personal experience, Dumer, whose mother died when she was 16 years old, shared that her father was never able to speak about his profound loss. Finally, decades later, aware of the healing journaling can bring, she asked him to “write a letter about my mother. It was very difficult for him,” after all those years, she said. She views communication, whether vocally or in writing, as vital to the healing process. Not being able to dialog about the loss can be very burdensome, she said. “It can make you feel very empty … sharing the words acts as a balm to soothe the pain. It’s a way of keeping the person alive when the fear is that this person is gone. “The more you say (or write), the more your soul gets used to the experience and the less painful it feels.”

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FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

Bereavement ministers offer,

receive healing

By Dorothy K. LaMantia Correspondent

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hristian consolation is rooted in that hope that comes from faith in the saving death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. Christian hope faces the reality of death and the anguish of grief but trusts confidently that the power of sin and death have been vanquished by the risen Lord. The Church calls each member of Christ’s Body – priest, deacon, layperson – to participate in the ministry of consolation: to care for the dying, to pray for the dead, to comfort those who mourn.”

n the Rite of Christian Burial it is written, “The Church calls each member of Christ’s Body – priest, deacon, and layperson – to participate in the ministry of consolation: to care for the dying; to pray for the dead; to comfort those who mourn.” Throughout the Diocese of Trenton, many parishes are blessed to have ministers of consolation and bereavement who take these words to heart to assist families grieving the loss of a loved one. While their ministry is a service to others during a profound time of need, the fruits of their labors make a difference in their own lives as well. Within the haven of support that marks bereavement ministry, new friendships are made and healing begins – for the facilitators as well as the participants. Many ministers have their own stories to tell and wounds to heal, often making them “wounded healers.” After the loss of her mother and her daughter six years ago, Kim Coyle, St. Theresa Parish, Little Egg Harbor, found solace in a support group at a local hospital, then resolved to do the same for others. “It was God and a friend who pushed me into going for [diocesan] training for the ministry. It was hard, draining. I didn’t think I could do it, but it was too important to me to let it fall by the wayside. People need this ministry, because it is the hardest thing in life. When you help someone grieve, it pulls you farther along your own grief journey.” Frank Kilkenny, Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish, Moorestown, was partner in a major accounting firm when he heard the call to help the grieving. Through his preparation in Fordham University, NYC, to become a chaplain, Kilkenny discovered he never grieved the loss of his brother who died 34 years earlier. “I learned the importance of letting my emotions be and not quashing them into the subconscious,” he said, “to pro-

Rite of Christian Burial

MOURNING STEP BY STEP • Bereavement ministers help others through the process of losing a loved one in a safe atmosphere, allowing them the necessary time and support to heal at their own pace. Stock photo

“When you help someone grieve, it pulls you farther along your own grief journey.” cess and move on,” which gives him the resilience “to let people feel the love and caring of God and each other.”

Terry McLaughlin, co-coordinator of the bereavement ministry in St. Joan of Arc Parish, Marlton, shared, “The loss of my husband taught me the longevity and depth of pain. My heart will always have that hole. When we listen to other people’s struggles, the sharing is good for all of us, even me. My focus in the group is to show them that they can find hope and take joy in the sun rising.” Bereavement ministers make it a point that they are not therapists or advice-givers, but facilitators and, most

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importantly, listeners. “There is a variety of people, a variety of situations and ways of grieving,” said McLaughlin. “We tell participants they do not have to talk if they do not want to. “Our society does an injustice by expecting people to be better and to resume normal activities soon after the death. It is important to tell those who are grieving, ‘It’s OK to feel sadness or anger,’” and allow each to move along at their own pace, she said. Ministers also recognize the importance of understanding the process of grief and experiences of loss, such as trying to adjust to missing the presence of their deceased loved one, or eventually needing to move on with life. They acknowledge it is an important time for faith, shared by the facilitator to nourish that of the bereaved. Fran Stinsman, from the bereavement ministry in Sacred Heart Parish, Riverton, said, “I bring up faith a lot. I try to give them a sense that they are not alone, that God goes through the pain with them.” Barbara Varga of St. Mary Parish, Colts Neck, agreed, “The grieving are at a crossroads in their lives. We are giving them the tools to find their way on the journey through grief. We are a safe place for people to come and express their feelings without judgment.” Among the most meaningful of experiences for bereavement ministers is when they are privileged to see participants starting to rebuild their lives. “I was happy to overhear two women who lost their husbands make plans to attend a Wellness Center when our session ended,” said Sandy Mallarkey, St. Anselm Parish, Wayside. “They were supporting each other and building community.”

FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

YOUR FAMILY

Bill Dodds Catholic News Service

Navigating Lent through grief after a spouse’s death

ent has a way of sneaking up on all of us each year. It can be especially hard if you’ve recently lost a loved one. On Ash Wednesday two years ago, shortly after my wife died of uterine cancer, I was determined to get to Mass and receive the ashes on my forehead. But as I drove closer to church, thoughts of the annual reminder, “Remember, you are dust and to dust you will return,” were just too “I realized that on a much for me. I drove to the cemetery where day when I couldn’t Monica is buried and prayed and there. Later that morning, I get to church and to cried was still wishing I had been able to the Eucharist, Christ get to Mass and receive the ashes when I headed to the assistedliving facility/nursing home where and his Church Monica’s mother and my mom came to me.” lived. As I walked onto the nursing home floor where my mother was being cared for, the chaplain, a nun, gave me a big, smudgy thumbs-up from down the hallway. She was distributing ashes to the residents. Would I like to receive them? I was close to tears, an oh-so familiar

sensation. Yes! And to receive Holy Communion? Yes, yes, yes! I realized that on a day when I couldn’t get to church and to the Eucharist, Christ and his Church came to me. I went on to have lunch with my mom and to spend some time with my mother-in-law in her apartment. On my way home, I stopped by an electronics store and bought a PlayStation 3 video game console. I started that Lent with a new toy, something that was out of keeping with the penitential season, a little silly for someone my age, out of character for me, and a wonderful distraction. A way to call a “timeout” from the overwhelming thoughts, emotions and necessary tasks associated with the death of a spouse. Those 40 days were, without a doubt, a time of prayer and a time of reflection on life and death. But it was also a period of long walks, grief-support group meetings and hours playing video games. (Again and again saving the world from space aliens or earthly monsters!)

REPENT AND BELIEVE • Ashes made from burning palms from the previous year’s Palm Sunday are used to mark a cross on foreheads of the faithful attending Ash Wednesday services. Ken Falls photo

It was a challenge that, at the time, seemed completely impossible. I’m telling this story for those who have recently lost their loved one, for those who would like to mark this Lent as they have in the past but just can’t. God knows. God understands. God is with you. Right here. Right now. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. And, sometimes, be pleasantly surprised.

Bereavement training offered for caregivers, ministers By David Karas Correspondent

hroughout the Diocese of Trenton, parish outreach programs and support groups, driven by the dedication of clergy and lay ministers, provide comfort to those experiencing loss. In recognition of the many skills that such ministers rely upon, the diocesan Department of Pastoral Care will host a Bereavement Training March 28 in the parish center in St. Paul Parish, Princeton. Whether a parish is seeking to start a new bereavement ministry or new ministers would like to learn more about the grief process and how to support those in bereavement, the training will cover a range of topics, including Christian funerals, the grief process, communicating with the bereaved, leading support groups and beginning a parish bereavement program. “It is intended to give you everything you need to start a ministry that would accompany your fellow parishioners from the moment they call in a death,” said Deanna Sass, director of the diocesan Department of Pastoral Care, who spoke about the tremendous source of support and comfort that such ministry activities provide to those suffering through a loss. “It is a really beautiful ministry, because it can be such a confusing and overwhelming time, and you have this person who walks with you through everything.” Sass said that the training will also be of benefit to new ministers, those involved in existing parish ministries and even those

seeking to begin new programs. Guidance will include planning and developing consolation ministry programming within a local parish centered around the needs of that specific parish, as well. The one-day training will use the guidelines established by the National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved. The program begins with an optional Mass at 8:15 a.m., and registration at 9 a.m. Training runs until 4:30 p.m., and lunch and materials are included in the $40 registration fee. Sass said that bereavement ministries and support groups provide those experiencing a loss with support from the moment they lose a loved one, to even more than a year afterward, as they work through the grieving process. “It is a really vital ministry for people going through one of the hardest things in life,” she said. “It provides that care and that support, and that consistent presence.”

She said that support groups typically operate twice per year, for a 10-12 week period, on average, and help provide another layer of comfort. “People find that so helpful for their own healing from grief, to be with other people who understand and have been through it,” she said, adding that the groups include trained facilitators who attend programs like that of March 28. “In addition to your peers, you have trained leaders.” She said that such programs are so helpful that many participants wind up attending future trainings to help give back themselves. “A lot of people who have been a recipient of that ministry ask if they can be a part of that team,” she said. Online registration is available, and preferred. Those interested in signing up can visit http://www.dioceseoftrenton.org/pastoralcare/or call 609-403-7157 for more details and registration.

“It is a really vital ministry for people going through one of the hardest things in life.”

B E R E AV E M E N T

FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

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THE MONITOR â&#x20AC;˘ FEBRUARY 26, 2015

PA R I S H

B ereavement M inistry D I R ECTO RY

St. Mary Roman Catholic Parish Middletown, NJ 07748 CONTACT: Bob & Eileen Batz 732-787-8566

MEETING DAYS & TIMES: Monday 7p.m. for Parents who have lost a child Wednesday 7p.m. for anyone who lost a loved one

The Twinned Parishes of

Our Lady of Mount Carmel & Holy Spirit Come share your feelings, thoughts and hopes with us each Thursday from 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. at our Bereavement Group Meetings

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B E R E AV E M E N T

FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

St. Catharine - St. Margaret Parish, Spring Lake, has a Bereavement Support Group.

If you have experienced a loss, do not walk alone in your journey. Come be supported by our group that meets regularly throughout the year.

Call 732-449-5765 Sr. Margaret Tierney (ext 124)

St. Joseph Church in Toms River Bereavement Ministry

Let us offer you the love, care and support you seek as you journey through the loss of a loved one. Our 8-week program runs twice a year—winter and spring.

Please contact Deacon Michael Taylor at 732 349-0018, ext. 2204

Bereavement Group at St.

David the King

PRINCETON JUNCTION Ministry Team: Nanci Bachman, Jeanne Hardingham and James Mahlmann will schedule their next Bereavement Group Sessions beginning in April. The six sessions ‘A journey from Grief to Healing’ will be held on Wednesday evenings from 7 – 8:30 PM. For more information please contact Nanci Bachman at nbachman@ stdavidtheking.com or call 609.275.7111 ext 311.

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

Cemetery in Mount Laurel will offer Catholic interment options Continued from • S-3

County, will offer the opportunity for Catholics in this county to be buried within our Diocese rather than crossing the border into Camden Diocese. It is slated to serve the faithful from seven local parishes: Holy Eucharist, Tabernacle; Our Lady of Good Counsel, Moorestown; St. Ann, Browns Mills; St. Isaac Jogues, Marlton; St. Joan of Arc, Marlton; St. John Neumann, Mount Laurel and St. Mary of the Lakes, Medford. Purchased by the Diocese for $1.2 million in April 2012, the 13-acre site named Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery “completes the full cycle of Catholicism,” noted Wilson. “On a daily basis you are prayed for as a Catholic. We have the advantage of “We being able to have the say Mass on site.” advantage Initially, five sections of being of flat-marker graves and two able to upright monument sections say Mass will open on the 13-acre site on site.” on Fostertown Road. Upright monuments will fill interior sections; ground burial options at the cemetery will include single and double depth full body interments and single depth burials for cremated remains. Ground burial capacity in the first seven sections will exceed 3,400 casket spaces for double depth burials; when fully developed, there will be over 9,000 casket spaces. The future mausoleum space will

LOOK TO THE FUTURE • Jesus, Bread

of Life Catholic Cemetery, Mount Laurel, is currently under construction and is slated to serve the faithful from seven southern Burlington County parishes. Photo courtesy of the diocesan Department of Catholic Cemeteries

feature abbey crypts, which are located one level below the floor, as well as single, companion and oversized crypts in the interior. There will also be niches for cremated remains. The exterior offerings will include single and companion crypts as well as a stand-alone niche section. Total casket spaces will number more than 1,400, including abbey crypts, and over 800 niches. Haks Engineers & Architects of Mount Laurel has designed the site plan for the Jesus Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery and Longford Landscapes is doing the site work. Ground burials will take place before the mausoleum, designed by Rissi & Associates, is built; selection of a mausoleum

contractor has been made pending finalization of a contract. Concrete foundations known as “ribbons” have been poured in the first two upright monument sections, named for Saints Ignatius and Therese, reported Wilson, who anticipates ground burials at the cemetery will begin in the second quarter of 2015.

Future Growth The 2012 study which recommended the construction of Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery also identified the need for four additional diocesan cemeteries to be located in Neptune, Brick, Hamilton and Jackson. In response to this, and to the estimate that St. Mary Cemetery will reach capacity

“

hrist sustains us through the night of death which he himself overcame; he is the Good Shepherd, on whose guidance one can rely without any fear, for he knows the way well, even through darkness. Every Sunday in reciting the Creed, we reaffirm this truth. And in going to cemeteries to pray with affection and love for our departed, we are invited, once more, to renew with courage and with strength our faith in eternal life, indeed to live with this great hope and to bear witness to it in the world: behind the present there is not nothing. And faith in eternal life gives to Christians the courage to love our earth ever more intensely and to work in order to build a future for it, to give it a true and sure hope.” • Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI Stock photo

within the next 10 years, the Diocese has planned construction on a diocesan cemetery in Hamilton Township, thus offering Catholics from area parishes additional options to honor their loved ones after death. The Diocese is in hearings with Hamilton Township for permission to build a cemetery with three mausoleums on land purchased in the 1950s for the purpose of creating a church and cemetery or stand-alone cemetery. Zoning board meetings on the issue continue.

Planning Ahead: A Loving Gesture Wilson, a ten-year veteran of the funeral home and interment industry, strongly advocates Catholics consider pre-planning their final arrangements, then informing their families and loved ones of their intentions. “In order to save undue and unnecessary grief at the worst time of your family’s life, we always suggest that you to preplan your final arrangements. Promote the discussion with your family when everyone is gathered, such as at holiday times,” he said, advising the details be finalized in writing and given to trusted family members, not filed away in a safe deposit box. “By having the discussion, you avoid [your family] making the decisions for you,” he noted. Money should not be a stumbling block to such conversations, Wilson continued. “Do the research while you can. You can talk to the people at the cemetery with no financial obligation,” he concluded, “but if you make the plans now, you can forgo inflationary increases. Start the discussion.”

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FEBRUARY 26, 2015 â&#x20AC;˘ TrentonMonitor.com

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

‘You are Not Alone’

Parish Lazarus Ministry workers guide bereaved through funeral preparations By Christina Leslie Staff Writer

n the recognition that Christian consolation is rooted in the hope of faith in the saving Death and Resurrection of the Lord, many parishes throughout the Diocese of Trenton offer those who grieve the assistance of a Lazarus or Consolation ministry. The ministry’s goal is to guide the family of the deceased through the planning and execution of the three parts of the Catholic funeral rite: the wake or vigil service, the funeral liturgy and the rite of committal or burial. Members “This is a of the ministry, named for beautiful the brother of Mary and Marthing, to tha at whose help people death Jesus wept, offer both consolasuffering.” tion and practical guidance to families which have experienced the death of a loved one. Often the first from the parish to reach out to the mourning, Lazarus ministers use as their guide the Order of Christian Funerals, the Church document which details the rubrics prescribed by the Church for these rites. Lazarus ministers encourage family members to take an active role in selecting options for the wake and funeral liturgy. Scripture, reflection and prayers for the rites may be selected from the Order of Christian Funerals or the

RAISING OF LAZARUS • This fresco by Giotto was painted between 1304 – 1306. It is one of countless paintings over the centuries which depict the presence of God’s actions on the human world. It is one of the Life of Christ series in the Scrovegni (Arena) Chapel in Padua, Italy. From Wikimedia Commons Liturgy of the Hours, and music which reflects Christian belief in the Resurrection can be played or sung during the services. Prayers for the Rite of Committal, the conclusion of the funeral rite, are also chosen. During the rites themselves, Lazarus ministers often serve as lectors or extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion if a family member is unable to participate. Anecdotes and stories of faith gathered by the Lazarus ministers from the family during their meetings are shared with the priest for use during his homily.

The faith community of St. Mary, Colts Neck, benefits from this detailed preparation, asserted Deacon Vincent Rinaldi, pastoral associate for worship, outreach and evangelization at the Monmouth County parish. “The ministry is indispensible. They help make all the liturgical arrangements, the readings, the music,” he said. “It is an absolute ministry of presence. They are with [the families] from start to finish with all the planning, and are an invaluable help. We are blessed to have a ministry like this, and so are the families they touch.”

he Church through its funeral rites commends the dead to God’s merciful love and pleads for the forgiveness of their sins. At the funeral rites, especially

at the celebration of the Eucharistic sacrifice, the Christian community affirms and expresses the union of the Church on earth with the Church in heaven in the one great communion of saints. Though separated from the living, the dead are still at one with the community of believers on earth and benefit from their prayers and intercession. Order of Christian Funerals

St. Mary Parish Lazarus Ministry co-coordinator Angela Kinlin agrees. “Being a Lazarus minister is probably the most fulfilling aspect of my volunteer life,” she said. Involved in the ministry since 1995, Kinlin stated she receives as many blessings as she shares with those to whom she ministers. “This is a beautiful thing, to help people suffering. At the time of death of a loved one, families are extremely sad and overwhelmed by all that needs to be done,” she continued. “We help them through a difficult process. They are so grateful.” St. Mary Parish enjoys the service of about 22 active Lazarus members, “but we are always reaching out for more people,” Kinlin stated. “People say, ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that, I’d cry.’ I tell them, ‘You think I don’t cry? I cry with the families.’” But despite the tears, Kinlin perseveres with this ministry of healing. “This is something that so moves you. The feeling I get to help people is so moving, so indescribable,” she said. “We are the faces of Jesus Christ when people are suffering and need to see Him. I love that I am able to do this.” Faithful in St. Dominic Parish also perform this much-valued service in times of sorrow for their parishioners. “The funeral home notifies us to set up the Mass,” said Maureen Arsay, pastoral minister in the Brick parish. “We help the family choose readings and music. We set up everything. “We don’t want the family to worry about anything. They are so appreciative,” Arsay concluded. “Bereavement support starts when we first sit with the family.” Lazarus ministers of St. Aloysius Parish serve as part of the Jackson parish’s Ministry of Consolation. Ten-year Lazarus ministry member Kathleen Stasny of St. Aloysius Parish, Jackson, explained her motivations for taking the symbolic walk of faith with grieving families stemmed from her own experience as a mourner. “I felt I had no say in any of the arrangements when my mother and father died,” Stasny remembered. “There was no personal touch.” Stasny and other members of the 15-person ministry meet at the funeral home or parish office with grieving families to plan each part of the funeral rite. She fondly remembered an instance where two grateful adult daughters she had counseled gave her a hug after their mother’s funeral. One of them whispered, ‘Thank you for being my angel.” “That’s why we are there, and why we do what we do,” Stasny continued. “I love helping people through difficult times. It means something to them; it’s a win-win all around.”

B E R E AV E M E N T

FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

Going ‘Green’ Not just for the living; trend includes burials, funerals By Lynn LeCluyse Catholic News Service WASHINGTON • Many people focused on maintaining a sustainable lifestyle can now expand this to end-oflife practices as “green” or natural funerals and burials join the rising movement toward sustainability. Sustainable burial practices include efforts to protect the health of workers, conserving natural resources, minimizing carbon emissions, and conserving and repairing the environment. “Sustainability is something that should be in our DNA as Catholic Christians,” said Father Charles Morris, president of the Green Burial Council International, a nonprofit organization that promotes and supports sustainable funeral practices. Father Morris, from Wyandotte, Mich., in the Archdiocese of Detroit, emphasizes that death can and ought to be connected to life. “We are all part of the cycle of life,” he said. “Green burials help us to

re-experience that we are all, as we are reminded on Ash Wednesday, dust and unto dust we are to return.” Father Morris was the former administrator for Mount Carmel Cemetery in Wyandotte, the first U.S. Catholic cemetery certified by the Green Burial Council. The cemetery permits the use of plant-based embalming fluids and biodegradable caskets. It also gives families the option to use shrouds instead of caskets in burials. “The experience of a green burial where the family lays the body down in a shroud that they have made and takes turns putting dirt in the grave is very powerful and profoundly spiritual,” he said. James Olson, spokesperson for the National Funeral Directors Association, based in Brookfield, Wis., said some of the most common natural burial practices include using caskets made of seagrass, wicker, fiberboard and sustainable woods, using natural shrouds and no embalming fluids or nonformaldehyde-based embalming fluids. All

Stock photo

the details of the process usually feature biodegradable materials. He said sustainable burial practices are not a new concept, but they have evolved over time, especially after World War II. In previous times throughout history, natural burials were more common, Olson explained. Today many cemeteries require a concrete burial vault to protect from collapse when using heavy maintenance equipment such as lawnmowers. After an increase in machinery following World War II, practices such as the concrete vaults were incorporated into burial preparations. Olson said cost often does not play a role in families’ decisions to have a natural burial. He said the resources used for traditional funerals are more readily available and therefore often

less expensive than those used in green burials and funerals. Father Morris said people might be reluctant to use sustainable burial practices because of lack of exposure to the idea and resistance among some funeral providers to accommodate green burial practices. “Until people have the experience of a green burial it is difficult for them to know what is involved and the impact it can have,” he said. “As with any new practice, or in this case a rediscovery of a very old practice, there are those who are early adopters. But for the rest of the public, it will take a while (to catch on).” For him, green burials make sense because “we are all ‘part of,’ not ‘apart from’ creation” and “sustainable burial practices bring that all home.”

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Family Owned and Operated for Two Generations by The Intelisano Family Silverton Memorial Funeral Home 2482 Church Road, Toms River, NJ (732) 255-6363

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

‘Comfort, Comfort My People’ (Isa. 40:1) In keeping with Church teaching to comfort those who mourn, the following parishes in the Diocese of Trenton have one or more bereavement ministries:

Burlington County Sacred Heart, Mount Holly • Marge McGinley, 609-267-0209, ext.306 Sacred Heart, Riverton • Fran Stinsman, 856-829-0090 Holy Eucharist, Tabernacle • Deacon Joe DeLuca, 609-269-8383, ext. 114 Our Lady of Good Counsel, Moorestown • Frank KilKenney, 856-273-8036,fjkimk@ aol.com St. Ann, Browns Mills • Phyllis McKinstry, 609-893-3407 St. Charles Borromeo, Cinnaminson • Mary Smith, parish office 856-829-3322 St. Joan of Arc, Marlton • Terry MacLaughlin, 856-267-5800, tmterrymaclaughlin@ gmail.com St. Mary of the Lakes, Medford • Deacon Sean McMahon, 609-654-8208, ext.512, mchome76@msn.com

Mercer County St. David the King, West Windsor • Pastoral associates, Nanci Bachman 609-275711, ext. 311; Cheryl Ellsworth St. Gregory the Great, Hamilton Square

• Cathy Fischer, sggbereavement@gmail. com, 609-587-1131, ext.470 Our Lady of Sorrows-St. Anthony, Hamilton • Deacon Jeff Pierfy, 609-587-4372, contact through parish first, one-on-one grief support; Joan Bartolomei, 609-5874372, funeral planning St. Anthony of Padua, Hightstown • Deacon Mike Scannella, 609-658-4483, sacrament@stanthonychurch.org St. Mary, Bordentown • Deacon Larry Finn, one-on-one grief support, 609-424-0409, lawrencefinn351@gmail.com; Deacon Tom Shea, funeral planning, 609-298-7612, deacontomshea@gmail.com Incarnation-St. James, Ewing • Sister Diane Simons, sdianesimons@hotmail. com, 609-882-8989 Our Lady of Good Counsel, West Trenton • Deacon John Bonner, olgc@comcast.net, 609-771-8288 St. Raphael-Holy Angels, Hamilton • Deacon Bob Tharp, 609-890-1011, rtharpsr@ optimum.net

Monmouth County St. Joseph, Keyport • Wendy Walnock, 732567-9486 St. Leo the Great, Lincroft • Sister Ann, 732-747-5466 St. Mark, Sea Girt • Parish office, 732-449-6364

St. Mary, Colts Neck • John Carlucci, 732780-7343, ext.320, jpcseven@gmail.com St. Mary, Middletown • Parish office 732671-0071, Bob Batz, 732-787-8566 St. Michael, Long Branch • 732-483-0360, ext. 20 Precious Blood, Monmouth Beach • Parish office, 732-222-4756 St. Ann, Keansburg • Alice Thompson, parish office, 732-878-7173 St. Anselm, Tinton Falls/Wayside • Sandy Mullarkey, 732-493-4411, sandystanselm@aol.com Ascension, Bradley Beach • Deacon John Kopcak, 732-774-0456, jkopcak1@optonline.net Nativity, Fair Haven • Parish office, 732741-1714, ext. 10 Mother of Mercy, Asbury Park • Bob Rizzo, 732-897-0120 St. Catharine-St. Margaret, Spring Lake • Sister Margaret Tierney, 732-449-5765, ext. 124 St. Dorothea, Eatontown • Betty Martino, 732-542-0148

Ocean County St. Mary, Barnegat • Partners with St. Pius X, call St.Pius, 609-693-5107 Epiphany, Brick • Parish office, 732-458-0220

St. Aloysius, Jackson • Parish office, 732370-0500 or just show up St. Barnabas, Bayville • Pastoral associate Terry Damiano, 732-269-2208, ext. 120, tdamiano@stbarnabasbayville.com St. Dominic, Brick • Parish office, 732-8401410 St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Whiting • Parish office, 732-350-2233 St. Francis of Assisi, Brant Beach • Community center, Susan Crane, 609-4948861, ext. 128; Grief support, parish, Sister Pat McNiff, 609-494-8861, ext. 157 St. John, Lakehurst • Deacon Ron Kerr, 732657-6347 St. Joseph, Toms River • Deacon Michael Taylor, 732-349-0018, ext. 2223 St. Justin, Toms River • Debra, Parish office, 732-270-3980 St. Luke, Toms River • 732-286-2222 St. Mary of the Lake, Lakewood • Cetta Lieb, 732-363-0139, ext.313 St. Pius X, Forked River • Paula Little, 609693-5107 St. Theresa, Little Egg Harbor • Parish office, 609-296-2504 St. Martha, Point Pleasant • Parish office, 732-295-3630 Visitation, Brick • Deacon Richard Johnston, 732-477-9672, ext. 221

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FEBRUARY 26, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com

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St. Gabriel’s Cemetery and Mausoleums

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 26, 2015

DEPARTMENT of CEMETERIES The Diocese of Trenton operates St. Mary Cemetery & Mausoleum, a 35-acre cemetery with four large mausoleums on Cedar Lane, near Olden Ave., Trenton. With an endowed perpetual care fund, St. Mary Cemetery & Mausoleum provides a sacred, well-cared for, and peaceful setting, with in-ground burials, crypt entombments and niches for cremated remains.

St. Mary Cemetery & Mausoleum, call (609) 396-3421 for assistance.

Christ the King Mausoleum at St. Maximilian Kolbe Church is now open! We are pleased to announce that the Christ the King Mausoleum at St. Maximilian Kolbe Church is open and accepting entombments and inurnments. The mausoleum features single crypts, tandem crypts, and niches for cremated remains and is conveniently located adjacent to the church at the end of Mule Road in Toms River. Pre-need arrangements may be made at the Parish Office Monday through Friday between the hours of 9:00am to 1:00pm. Of course, at-need arrangements are accommodated on a priority basis. An appointment is strongly recommended and inquiries should be directed to Nita or Maria at the parish office by dialing 732-914-0300. Stop by after Mass and take a look!

Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery, Fostertown Road, Mount Laurel Plans are coming to a close for development of the first diocesan Catholic Cemetery in southern Burlington County. Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery will feature flat memorial and upright selections for ground burials as well as mausoleum entombment and niche inurnment. The initial offerings will include 7 ground burial section options, and will be open during mausoleum construction. Two sections will feature upright monument offerings and five sections will feature flat memorial interment rights. The first of two mausoleums will feature exterior single and tandem entombment options as well as niche inurnment capabilities. Interior offerings will include singles, tandems, abbey crypts and niche options. Updated information will be published in the Monitor though in the interim you may contact Deacon Edward Heffernan at 609-847-9487 for more information.

Parishes with Cemeteries BURLINGTON COUNTY

MONMOUTH COUNTY

Sacred Heart, Mount Holly • www.parishofsacredheart.org • (609) 267-0209

MERCER COUNTY

Holy Spirit, Asbury Park • www.holyspiritasburypk.4lpi.com • (732) 775-0030 St. John, Allentown • www.stjohnsallentownnj.org • (609) 259-3391 Our Lady of Mercy, Englishtown • www.moremercy.org (St. Thomas More Church) • (732) 446-6661 St. Rose of Lima, Freehold • www.stroseoflima.com • (732) 462-0859 St. Joseph, Keyport • www.stjosephkeyport.org • (732) 264-0322 St. Gabriel, Marlboro • www.stgabrielonline.com • (732) 946-4487 St. James, Red Bank • www.stjamesredbank.com • (732) 741-0500 St. Catharine-St. Margaret, Spring Lake • www.stcatharine-stmargaret.com • (732) 449-5765 Our Lady Star of the Sea, Long Branch • www.christthekingparishlongbranch.org • (732) 222-3216

St. Hedwig, Trenton • www.sainthedwigparish.com • (609) 396-9068

OCEAN COUNTY

Sts. Peter and Paul, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton • (609) 393-4826

St. Mary, Barnegat • http://stmary.shoresurfer.com • (609) 698-5531 St. Mary of the Lake, Lakewood • www.smlcmt.net • (732) 363-0139 St. Joseph, Toms River • www.stjosephcemeterytr.org • (732) 349-0018 St. Maximilian Kolbe, Toms River (Mausoleum only) • (732) 914-0300 St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Whiting, All Saints Columbarium • www.niches@easeton.org • 732-350-5001

Holy Assumption, Roebling • www.stsfnc.org • (609) 499-0161 St. Mary, Bordentown • www.stmarysbordentown.org • (609) 298-0261 St. Paul, Burlington • www.stkatharinedrexel-nj.org • (609) 386-0152 Our Lady of Good Counsel, Moorestown • www.olgcnj.org • (856) 235-0181 St. Clare, Florence • www.stsfnc.org • (609) 499-0161 Assumption, New Egypt • www.churchoftheassumption.com • (609) 758-2153 St. Peter, Riverside • www.jesusthegoodshepherd.org • (856) 461-0100

St. Stanislaus, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton • www.divinemercyoftrenton.org • (609) 393-4826 St. Alphonsus, Hopewell • www.rc.net/trenton/stalphonsus • (609) 466-0332 St. Paul, Princeton • www.stpaulsprinceton.org • (609) 924-1743