Support During Loss Lazarus ministries, funeral homes collaborate for bereaved
BY EMMALEE ITALIA
Contributing Editor
When grieving families are faced with the details of funeral arrangements, they might not know where to begin – and that’s where the cooperation between funeral homes and the Catholic parishes they serve can be a great source of comfort and reassurance.
Lazarus Ministries – or Bereavement Ministries – work in concert with funeral homes to assure the wishes of the deceased and the bereaved are honored, families and loved ones are spiritually supported, and that the Catholic Rite of Christian Burial is carried out respectfully.
A DELICATE PROCESS
The procedure is similar no matter the location. Families contact funeral homes, which orchestrate logistics and make phone calls to the parishes, requesting funeral Mass times and dates. If the par-
ish has a Lazarus Ministry, its volunteers take the information and approach the family to discuss the Mass details: musical selections, readings and reflections.
James Moriarty, Jr., manager of Ely Funeral Home, Neptune, said that if families don’t know which church they would like to use, “we suggest a local church with which we have a relationship and trust – for example, Holy Innocents Church in Neptune… Once the family has talked with the parish about the details of the service, the funeral home staff works with the ministry to coordinate details upon arrival.”
Ely Funeral Home also has a good working relationship with the parishes of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Asbury Park; St. Anselm, Tinton Falls; Ascension, Bradley Beach; St. Catherine of Siena, Farmingdale, and St. Catharine-St. Margaret, Spring Lake.
“The importance is to provide a comforting farewell to the deceased, in order to allow our families to properly grieve,”
Moriarty emphasized.
“We have a good rapport with all the churches; if they need something, they know they can call us,” said Albert D. Correnti, Jr., manager of the Mather-Hodge Funeral Home, Princeton. “People don’t know how lucky they are if their parish has a Lazarus Ministry.”
Correnti, a member of St. Paul Parish, Princeton, works closely with his parish’s
38 THE MONITOR MAGAZINE March 2023 Bereavement
on 40 Freepik
Continued
images
March 2023 THE MONITOR MAGAZINE 39 SAUL FUNERAL HOMES, INC. "Grief is the price we pay for love." ~ Queen Elizabeth II Saul Colonial Home 3795 Nottingham Way Hamilton Square, NJ 08690 609-587-0170 A.S. Cole Son & Co. 22 North Main Street Cranbury, NJ 08512 609-395-0770 Kimberly M. Saul-Bowne, CFSP, Manager Licensed Funeral Director, N.J. Lic. No. 4110 www.saulfuneralhomes.com Family Owned and Operated for Two Generations by The Intelisano Family Silverton Memorial Funeral Home 2482 Church Road, Toms River, NJ (732) 255-6363 Paula Intelisano-De John, Manager, N.J. Lic. No. 3438 Gregory De John, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 4261 • Pre-need • Traditional • Cremation • Prepaid Insurance Plans • Trust Funds Family Owned and Operated for Two Generations by The Intelisano Family Silverton Memorial Funeral Home 2482 Church Road, Toms River, NJ (732) 255-6363 Paula Intelisano-De John, Manager, N.J. Lic. No. 3438 Gregory De John, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 4261 • Pre-need • Traditional • Cremation • Prepaid Insurance Plans • Trust Funds Evan Evan
F. Pfleger (Manager - N.J. Lic. No. 4717)
Evan F. Pfleger (Manager - N.J. Lic. No. 4717)
Encountering the bereaved
Continued from 38
bereavement team and volunteers in surrounding parishes, including St. David the King, Princeton Junction, and nearby parishes in the Metuchen Diocese.
He believes that “people feel more comfortable with the ministry and funeral homes guiding the process,” particularly when it comes to planning a funeral Mass. “The Mass of Christian Burial helps them through the grieving process.”
MINISTRY OF COMPASSION
Lazarus and Bereavement Ministry volunteers help the bereaved plan the funeral Mass, as well as assuring that ordained ministers are covering the wake and burial.
“We serve as the parish interface for the family to assist them in dealing with their loss,” explained Anthony Montrone, coordinator of the five-member Bereavement Ministry team in St. Paul’s. “We work to ensure that the family is receiving all the support required from the parish.”
Terry Walsh, a four-year member of the Lazarus Ministry team in St. Theresa Parish, Little Egg Harbor, advised, “When truth/faith is shared, it is deepened. Don’t share pious platitudes with [the bereaved]; talk about love of the family member [and how] we worship a God of love.”
In Holy Innocents Parish, Neptune, the Consolation Ministry has made the process of selecting readings and music for funerals even easier by featuring options on the parish website.
“I like it there because people can look at it quietly at home and consult with family members,” said ministry leader Kristine Klincewicz. “Then we arrange to talk a following day either in person or on the phone.” If a family is unsure whether they wish to assist with the Readings or Presentation of the Gifts, she offers to do it in their place. “It’s a blessing to work with families on this; I want to minimize their stress,” she said.
Linda Brennan, who with her husband, Lee, are members of the St. Paul’s Bereavement Ministry, stressed the importance of “making sure the funeral Mass is done with love and care. We try to be available to the family and form a personal relationship with them, sending a card to let the family know we are praying for their loved ones and family members.”
Stephanie Zepka, also on the St. Paul Bereavement team, underscored the personal touch, saying, “I think it’s important to them that we are interested in the person who has died … and at the funeral, we’re at the altar assisting the priest … it shows there’s an involvement, honoring that person.”
Both the St. Paul and St. Theresa Lazarus teams extend an invitation to the bereaved, as do many parishes of the Diocese, to return for their All-Souls Day liturgy on Nov. 2.
“The names of the loved ones are read at the prayers of the
Continued on 42
40 THE MONITOR MAGAZINE March 2023 Bereavement A Tradition of Funeral Service in Ocean and Monmouth Counties that dates back more than half a century. Timothy E. Ryan Home for Funerals Peace of Mind and Heart before, during and beyond. Lavallette
SERVING ALL of OCEAN COUNTY At Timothy E. Ryan Home For Funerals, we take great pride in caring for our families, and will work tirelessly to provide you with a beautiful, lasting tribute to your loved one. In addition to the services we offer, you will receive an online memorial that you can share with family and friends. While honoring your loved one is our top priority, we also want to help you through this difficult time. 732-505-1900 • www.ryanfuneralhome.com Mark L. Sarin, Senior Director • NJ License No. 4134
Seaside Park Toms River at St. Catherine Blvd. Toms River at Fischer Blvd. Bayville Jackson
Timothy E. Ryan Founder 1951-2019
March 2023 THE MONITOR MAGAZINE 41 Celebrate Life Every life deserves a special time of honoring and celebrating. Experience the Difference We at Manchester Memorial Funeral Home continually work to create healing experiences within the community, while maintaining our reputation of quality, sincerity, and trust. Manchester Memorial FUNERAL HOME Family owned and operated since 1979 28 Schoolhouse Road, Whiting • 732-350-1950 • ManchesterMemorialFH.com A Catholic family business • Located next to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton R.C. Church Frederick R. Whiteley, III, KHS, PGK • NJ Lic. No. 4116 Manager/Owner
George S. Hassler Funeral Home
Managing funeral details
Continued from 40
faithful and a candle is lit on a table in front of the altar,” Walsh explained, noting the bereaved are appreciative “that the parish honors their loved one in a personal way, one more time.”
CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIES
Volunteers acknowledge that there are many factors that come into play when working with families. “Conversations with the deceased’s family can be difficult. Sometimes it is with people I know, and other times the deceased is the last one at the parish and the rest of the family has moved away,” said Walsh. “Sometimes I get a feel for where they are in their faith. Sometimes I tell them we can take care of the choices and make a beautiful liturgy.”
“Although difficult at times, it has become a very rewarding part of our involvement,” said Lee Brennan. “Hearing the stories of the deceased and seeing how families and friends supply support is very moving. We also hear some beautiful stories of faith and family.”
In other cases, ministry members must navigate the lack of familiarity with Catholic liturgy and even disputes among family members about the Church and the Mass. If those disagreements can be resolved, another opportunity presents itself: providing an anchor to a loving faith community.
42 THE MONITOR MAGAZINE March 2023
