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MARCH 12, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com
A dream wedding need a financial nightmare By Carol Zimmermann Catholic News Service
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omewhere along the line weddings became very expensive celebrations. Some people have long dreamt about the exotic weddings they want or else they feel pressured to go this route by friends and family. But such plans ring up a huge tab that might need some reconsideration. Although the U.S. Catholic bishops have not spoken directly about wedding spending, their website, foryourmarriage.org, asks couples to think twice about the bottom line in this celebration. Although costs vary by region, the average modern wedding costs between $20,000 and $25,000. Hold on a minute, the bishops’ website essentially says, asking couples in the section “Budgeting for Your Wedding” to consider what they want their wedding to say about them and their values.
“A wedding celebrates Christ’s gift of marital love … It is a time for rejoicing.” The article asks some pointed questions such as: • Are you willing to go into debt, or put family members in debt, because of this wedding? • Are you willing to focus time and energy on the details of a lavish wedding? Will this reduce the attention you can pay to preparing for the marriage itself? • Do you feel comfortable with the amount you plan to spend? Have you considered this in relation to the needs of people in your community? The online article suggests that, as with many things, moderation is key. “If you have a feeling that wedding expenses are getting out of hand, they probably are.” The site suggests that couples ask for donations to a local food bank or food pantry or that the couple make
not be
a donation from their wedding gifts to the parish’s social outreach committee. It also urges couples to seek practical ways to trim costs on the wedding ceremony and reception. Advice on trimming wedding budgets is as plentiful as the styles of flower arrangements couples can choose from for their big day. Bridal magazines and blogs are full of doit-yourself wedding ideas and how to get married on a budget. Some couples are going green by using second-hand wedding dresses or reception decorations. Others are assembling their own wedding invitations, making their own centerpieces and flower arrangements. The Knot, a website with wedding ideas and resources for engaged couples, says its top piece of advice in trimming wedding costs is to cut the guest list which would reduce catering costs and save on invitations and the number of centerpieces. It also advised having the wedding during an off-peak season – usually December to April – and not marrying on the most expensive slot of the week, Saturday night. The site also notes that there are plenty of ways to cut costs on reception food and drink. It urges couples to skip the main course and just supply appetizers and drinks or offer beer, wine and a signature cocktail instead of a full bar. It also suggested ordering a small oneor two-tiered cake for show that could be supplemented with a larger sheet cake for guests to eat. As for printing costs, the site suggests ordering single-page invitations and e-mailing “save the date” notices. These budget trims do not need to take anything away from the special day itself. As the bishops’ site adds: “The Catholic Church understands a couple’s desire for an appropriate celebration of their marriage with family and friends. In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament. All Sacraments are to be celebrated because they are encounters with Jesus Christ. A wedding celebrates Christ’s gift of marital love to this particular man and woman. It is a time for rejoicing.” Just rejoice within your means, in other words.
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U.S. Catholic rmarriage.org, ou ry fo , te si web planning. CNS Through their their wedding • in G e lin IN N om N tt A L bo REALISTIC Puples to think twice about the bishops ask co
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THE MONITOR • MARCH 12, 2015
Dual role of deacon, dad holds ‘opportunity of lifetime’ By EmmaLee Italia Correspondent Mary Morrell Managing Editor
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eacon Neil Pirozzi , ordained a deacon in 1981, has been able to do something many fathers will never have the opportunity or ability to do. He has officiated at all four of his children’s weddings. Serving in St. Gregory the Great Parish, Hamilton Square, Deacon Pirozzi is accustomed to his expanded role in presiding over funeral rites and communion services, preaching, baptizing and witnessing weddings. But at the weddings of his daughter and three sons, he could be present as both a father and a representative of the Church. And despite his years of experience, he was still a bit nervous. “I was as far from being composed as you could be,” he said. “Thrilled, would be a better answer.” During his daughter’s wedding he walked her up the aisle in his tuxedo,
UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY • Deacon Neil Pirozzi officiates at his daughter’s wedding 31 years ago, the first of four children whose weddings he witnessed as deacon. Courtesy photo then quickly changed to vestments in the sacristy, reappearing as the deacon to assist the presider as the Mass began. His desire, he acknowledged, “was to
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make this moment a moment that would be remembered for a long time.” Deacon Joe Moore, also from St. Gregory the Great Parish and three years a deacon, officiated at his daughter’s wedding two years ago, calling it both a unique joy and a challenge, “trying to be father and minister at the same time.” He stressed the importance of fulfilling the duties and responsibilities of a deacon correctly during a time that is an emotional roller-coaster. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops outlines the deacon’s ministry, stating, “As ministers of Word, deacons proclaim the Gospel, preach, and teach in the name of the Church. As ministers of Sacrament, deacons baptize, lead the faithful in prayer, witness marriages, and conduct wake and funeral services. As ministers of Charity, deacons are leaders in identifying the needs of others, then marshaling the Church’s resources to meet those needs.” In meeting those needs and serving
the Church, deacons routinely embrace the challenge of balancing Church, family life and jobs. Deacon Bill Wilson, who this year will celebrate his 24th anniversary of ordination, was also privileged to officiate at his youngest daughter’s wedding – something that he had unexpectedly prepared for in advance. For a homiletics class during his diaconate formation, Deacon Wilson, who serves in St. Gregory the Great Parish, was assigned to write and preach a homily on the wedding of a daughter to the class. “Little did I know that in September of the following year, I would be using that very homily on her wedding day,” Deacon Wilson said. “When I gave the homily, I don’t believe anyone in the church was composed, including myself,” he noted. Deacon Wilson’s homily reflected upon his own experience with a longlasting marriage covenant, as well as his part in rearing his now adult daughter. “...my office as ordained minister has allowed me to participate more deeply in one of the happiest experiences of my life, the marriage of my daughter Sharon to her husband-to-be Louis,” he shared with family and wedding guests. “I believe you are entering into a partnership of love, which is a beautiful journey with Christ. Marriage is a moment of new communion, communion between yourselves and communion between you and God. So we give thanks that you have gathered us into your communion, because your first gift to us all is that you have brought us together,” he said. Deacon Wilson, who later also officated at the wedding of his grandson, described the experience as “very rewarding, and very emotional.” “It is such a blessing,” he continued, “because very few men are offered this opportunity – really, an opportunity of a lifetime.”
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MARCH 12, 2015 • TrentonMonitor.com
Must-have conversations before tying the knot By Maureen Boyle Catholic News Service and The Monitor Reports
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iscussion about the wedding cake, reception site and invitations are just a few of the many details engaged couples pore over as they plan their trip down the aisle. While these things help make their special day lovely and memorable, Catholic couples preparing for married life are strongly urged by the Church to use the time of their engagement wisely, and to discuss matters – both spiritual and practical – that will set them on the right course for a sacramental marriage. These conversations – even if they bring up some minor differences of opinion – can help prevent major disagreements in the years to come, according to Catholic family life experts and newlyweds. Some of the essential “must-have” conversation topics should include: • Faith and spirituality • Finances • Children and child-rearing • Natural family planning • Intimacy • Commitment • Careers Josue Arriola, director of the Department of Youth, Marriage and
Family Life for the Trenton Diocese, reflected on the Church’s design for marriage, in light of eternity. “Discussion about the wedding cake, reception site and invitations is important, but is not all,” Arriola said. “The Church, like a true mother who wants us to be happy, strongly urges couples to know the Creator of marriage and His wonderful plan.”
“If God is the author of marriage, he has the ‘How?’ to live marriage fully.” Arriola quoted the Catechism of the Catholic Church, on the designer of marriage: “The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws ... God himself is the author of marriage.” (1603) “If God is the author of marriage, he has the ‘How?’ to live marriage fully,” Arriola continued. If someone decides to buy the new iPhone 6, to get the best use of this new phone, he has to
read and follow the instructions of the (phone) creator. The same happens in marriage; God is the Creator, the Church helps us know the instructions and offers us the grace to follow it. Therefore faith and spiritually are essential in marriage.” Father Rick Kramer, director of Family Life and Pastoral Resource Development for the Archdiocese of Washington, said in today’s culture young adult Catholics need to begin their premarital discussions by gaining a deeper understanding of the true meaning of marriage. “Marriage reflects the love of Christ for the Church. It is also a Sacrament of service, a Sacrament for others,” he said. “Couples need to have deep conversations that start with: ‘Are we prepared to live our lives in generous service to God, each other, our families, our neighbors and our parish until our deaths?’” He said the Church’s rich teachings on marriage and the family are the best starting point for all Catholic marriage preparation discussions. From there, he said the spiritual and practical conversations are able to flow. “The spiritual includes the practical. They are knitted together,” he said. Sarah Castellanos, 26, and her husband, Nathan, 33, parishioners of St. Patrick Parish in Washington, said the
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IMPORTANT COMMUNICATION •
Before getting married, couples are advised to discuss spiritual and practical matters to set them on the right course. CNS photo/ Sam Lucero
2013 marriage preparation classes in the Archdiocese of Washington helped them focus on the spiritual aspects and practical challenges of married life. See Conversations • S-4
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S-4 Wedding Planning
THE MONITOR • MARCH 12, 2015
Natural family planning’s holistic approach gains followers By Peter Finney Jr. Catholic News Service
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he trend of going green and being more conscious of the environment could explain why more young couples are using natural family planning, say instructors of the practice. At the very least, couples preparing
for marriage have shown less resistance to NFP in recent years, particularly as they understand more about what contraceptives can do to a woman’s body, according to NFP teachers in the New Orleans Archdiocese. Gayle Rizzo, who began teaching NFP to couples about 20 years ago, said the concept of using NFP was not embraced in the same way it is now. The practice allows women to monitor periods of fertility through close examination of naturally occurring physiological signs, and use that information to prevent pregnancy or space births. “Very definitely, in the beginning, for me personally, it was a
FUTURE PLANNING • Natural family planning practitioners comprise the couples who volunteer their time to teach others about natural family planning in the Archdiocese of Detroit. CNS photo/Joe Kohn, The Michigan Catholic
very difficult area to minister in the Church because it was fairly universally rejected,” said Rizzo, who has taught NFP since 1992 and now is involved in training certified NFP teachers. “We know that the teaching was rejected, so it has been a climb up from people not even giving it a second look to now. “Whether it’s from the health standpoint or the ecological standpoint, people are giving this a look. What gives me the greatest hope is that they are looking at it as good for marriage and the love between a man and a woman,” she said. She said when she teaches the class, participants’ eyes “open up because they can now make the decisions themselves about their own fertility. It puts them in the driver’s seat and also expands the vision of what God designed. It gives them a renewed hope for marriage and for a committed love that lasts a lifetime.” The Archdiocese of New Orleans offers eight to 10 NFP workshops a year and plans to offer additional classes in Spanish. Most of the participants are engaged couples who have been asked to attend by the priest or deacon preparing them for marriage, or are married couples no longer interested in using contraceptives. Rizzo said when she first started teaching NFP, more women than men were open to the idea. But in recent years, she said, more men have accepted the practice, saying they want the best for their wives and they think contraceptives are unhealthy for them. “To me, that’s a major change,” she added. “These men have seen the negative effects that contraception has caused and they are desiring more from their relationship. They want to be able to be real husbands who really, truly
Conversations on faith integral before marriage Continued from • S-3
“It’s was helpful and humbling to be reminded that just because you are faithful Catholics, you can’t assume that you are on the same page on everything,” Castellanos said. “You still have to talk.” During their courtship, she said, she and her future husband often discussed spirituality and faith. When they became engaged, the discussions evolved into the meaning of marriage and its covenant. “You incorporate (spirituality) into the practical sides of marriage,” Castellanos said. “You can’t be this coldhearted practical person, there has to be a reason for doing things for your spouse.” Other spiritual conversation topics for engaged couples that Father Kramer suggests include: how the future spouses view divorce; ask themselves if they will
pray together; whether they will attend Mass as a couple daily or weekly, as well as the importance of confession. Forgiveness, too, is another vital spiritual aspect of marriage, said the priest. “Even though there will be challenges and difficulties, there is no straw that breaks the camel’s back even when it seems impossible to forgive,” he said. Natural family planning, said the priest, is another spiritual and practical must-have topic of discussion for Catholic couples. “Couples need to have this conversation and be open to the gift of participating with God in receiving children as a gift,” he said. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ marriage website www.foryourmarriage.org – a resource for married or engaged Catholic couples – recommends that couples discuss sensitive
topics in their wedding preparations. “This is the time to face difficult conversations and make sure you are on the same page,” the website advises. The U.S. bishops also advise on the marriage website that couples should not lose heart if they can’t agree on an issue. “You may come to an impasse on an issue. That doesn’t mean you aren’t meant for each other. It does mean you should pause and study this issue more carefully,” the bishops write. “Perhaps it’s a sign you need to consult others with experience or expertise in the area.” Father Kramer said the Church “doesn’t abandon” couples after the wedding, offering several diocesan and parish-based marriage enrichment programs. “The Church is always there to help strengthen and perfect their love,” he said.
Knowledge is power ”I’ve found in recent years that our engaged couples are much more open to learning about NFP than in the past. Thinking of the phrase ‘knowledge is power,’ I believe it’s because the natural methods we promote today are so well researched and scientifically based. “The observation of naturally occurring signs and symptoms of fertility enables couples to understand the range of emotional, biological and behavioral factors that result from hormonal changes that impact everyday life. Also, many health conscious couples want to avoid the artificial steroids in hormonal contraception that can be very harmful. “ I also believe that couples see the commitment, self-discipline and sacrifice needed to embrace NFP as qualities that will strengthen their relationship. Couples often come to NFP through its health and holistic aspects, but learn to embrace the virtues that practicing NFP brings into the marital relationship.” Peg Hensler, associate director, diocesan Department of Youth, Marriage and Family Life and coordinator of Marriage Ministries and NFP
love their wives.” About five years ago, Rizzo helped train Caroline Cleveland Sholl as an NFP teacher, and Sholl now teaches many classes throughout the year. Sholl said the increased openness to using NFP is rooted in the idea that it is “a green method of family planning.” “Even outside of the moral draw, it’s compatible with the ‘Whole Foods’ way of life,” Sholl said. “Most of the students who take the classes are required to be there, but for those who end up using NFP, the main draw is that it is good for your body. It seems simple to the women who buy hormone-free chicken. They realize the irony when they’re putting hormones into their body every day to shut down a part of the body that is working properly.” The classes consist of four 90-minute sessions over two months. Sholl said NFP is not a “magic bullet” that will keep marriages together, and she even said it can bring some tension that the couple needs to work through together. Sholl said it was initially a great source of tension and the couple wondered if they were going to be similar to the Duggars, the couple with 19 children on the reality television show “19 Kids and Counting.” She said they ended up embracing NFP as part of God’s plan for their family and also realized “this was for our family’s ultimate good and it strengthened our marriage.”