BEREAVEMENT Working through Loss
How parish bereavement ministries assist with the grieving process BY EMMALEE ITALIA Contributing Editor
“We help
individuals to understand that loss is a normal part of life.”
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rief is always unique to the situation and the individual – but one thing remains common: the value of journeying through that loss with the help of a faith community. Enter parish bereavement ministries – a staple of many parishes in the Diocese of Trenton – which provide a supportive outreach and prayerful accompaniment for the bereaved. A collaborative bereavement ministry exists between multiple Mercer County parishes: St. Ann, Lawrenceville; St. Anthony of Padua, Hightstown; St. Paul, Princeton; St. James, Pennington; St. George, Titusville, and St. Alphonsus, Hopewell. The parishes work under the leadership team in St. David the King, Princeton Junction – Nanci Bachman, director of the Lifelong Faith Formation team, and Albert J. Martella, parish Adult Faith Formation associate. Both have backgrounds in spiritual direction and pastoral care. “Our pastor, Father Timothy J. Capewell, and the parish staff works closely with bereaved parish families to provide caring consolation and spiritual support to those grieving the death of a loved one,” Bachman emphasized. “Great care is given to bring God’s hope, love, and strength to [them].” In St. Pius X Parish, Forked River, the 17-year bereavement ministry was paused for two years during the pandemic, as in-person meetings in close settings were not possible. And having that faceto-face support, said coordinator Paula Little, is essential to the process. “We always follow the inspiration of
the Lord, and different things come up in the meetings,” she said. “We really can’t do it online.” In each parish the goal of the ministry is clear – to walk with individuals and families with various materials, and to allow time for group discussion and sharing for those who are comfortable. “St. David the King invites individuals to participate in an overview of loss and how it changes their lives,” Martella explained. The bereavement program consists of four sessions based on a DVD called “Changed Forever,” which address specific aspects of loss, how to slowly integrate it and the grief that comes with it into the person’s life, as well as a journaling program using the New Day Journal. “The journaling techniques … have been proven to be comforting to many,” Martella continued. “There are [also] those who may not be ready to do so, even after a year or two following a loss.” The parish designed a facilitator’s guide that is shared among collaborating parishes. “We also offer support to new facilitators who have completed the Diocese’s Pastoral Care program.”
The Journey Through Grief program in St. Pius X – which Little hopes will be able to reconvene in June – is an eightweek session, and every week is a different topic. Open to adults over 18, many are referred from neighboring parishes, including St. Mary, Barnegat. Participants must have experienced their loss at least three months prior to joining a session. “Otherwise, it can be detrimental [to healing] if it’s sooner,” Little explained. A follow-up group, “Companions on the Journey,” meets once a month in St. Pius X, and includes anyone who has been through the Journey Through Grief group; some have attended meetings for many years. “We have five other facilitators, all of whom have been through the group themselves and have gone through diocesan training,” she said. For children, a 14-week series that typically runs between October and February uses an international grief program that Little has adapted to include faithbased content. “We let the children come as long as Continued on 42
For diocesan and local bereavement resources, visit dioceseoftrenton.org/bereavement-ministry March 2022
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BEREAVEMENT Continued from 41
they want … for any loss – death, divorce, a pet – it doesn’t matter to us,” Little said. She hopes to restart the children’s program post pandemic this fall. Confidentiality is paramount for all parish programs, allowing participants to speak openly. “We provide a safe, supportive, confidential environment,” Bachman stressed. “We recognize that this is a sacred ministry, and we respect that participants trust us in sharing their story.” Little agreed, adding, “We ask all participants to sign a confidentiality agreement to be part of the program.” Rd., Middletown, 115 Tindall 115 Rd.,Tindall Middletown, NJ 07748 NJ 07748 The feedback for the bereavement ministries’ programs has been overwhelmingly positive. (732) 671-1326 Tel: (732)Tel: 671-1326 “I tell people up front that the first three to four weeks the pain increases, info@pflegerfuneralhome.com because they are looking into their own sorrow,” Little explained. “But by session 115info@pflegerfuneralhome.com Tindall Rd., Middletown, NJ 07748 www.pflegerfuneralhome.com five or six it transitions to healing. Some people have left prematurely ... but those www.pflegerfuneralhome.com who have been through the entire program can’t say enough good things.” 115 Tindall Rd., Middletown, NJ 07748 “We feel that the overview program is extremely helpful and unique Evan F. Pfleger (Manager - N.J. Lic. No. 4717) because loss and grief is often misunderstood,” Bachman said. “Most of us are Tel: (732) 671-1326 Evan F. Pfleger (Manager - N.J. Lic. No. 4717) info@pflegerfuneralhome.com not prepared for the range of emotions that we feel. ... We help individuals www.pflegerfuneralhome.com to understand that loss is a normal part of life ... and that grief is the normal info@pflegerfuneralhome.com www.pflegerfuneralhome.com human response to all kinds of losses, not just death.” “We all grieve in different ways,” Martella offered. “As Jesus listened to and offered empathy and support to Martha and Mary at the loss of their beloved Evan F. Pfleger (Manager - N.J. Lic. No. 4717) Evan F. Pfleger (Manager - N.J. Lic. 4717) Lazarus, weNo. attempt to do the same.”
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