Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle October 2021 | No.217
A n o i t a r b e l e c e v o l of
Want Want to to be be your your best best financial financial self? self? We We can can help. help.
• • • • • •
Award-winning products, services and financial advice team Award-winning products, services and financial advice team Face-to-face and online seminars at no additional cost Face-to-face and online seminars at no additional cost Simple-to-understand articles on investing and managing your money Simple-to-understand articles on investing and managing your money
Visit Visit catholicsuper.com.au catholicsuper.com.au or or scan scan the the QR QR code code to to find find out out more. more.
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
On the cover Lucia Minto with her great aunty, Mary, who inspired her award wining video ‘The cover is not the book’. Photo: Peter Stoop.
Featured f Aunty Mary’s incredible gift
5
f What is love
6
f The common good
10
f Feeling love through tragedy
11
f Dad’s the word
12
f Awaken your mind
13
f The Unfettered Soul
14
f What do you remember about that day? 15 f An enduring love song
16
f A patient heart
17
f Safe and secure
18
f Dangerous love
21
3
FIRST WORD
All you need is love A few weeks ago, as I watched a video scripted and produced by Lucia Minto, I was moved to tears. The St Joseph’s Primary School student’s powerful words in the video entitled ‘The cover is not the book’ resonated deeply: “Everyone has a story. Take the time to see others through different eyes. Eyes of curiosity, compassion and love.” Each month I get the honour of meeting the people who appear in Aurora. Real people, like you and me, who graciously share a little bit of their story for our benefit. It’s these interviews that enrich my soul and nourish my faith. As Lucia would say, I get the opportunity to get to go ‘beyond the cover.’
now friends, have helped me to heal. But so too have the people I have met ‘on the job’. Many of the people we have featured in this magazine have encountered far more significant struggles than I will ever know, yet they still describe hope for the future. Their words are an outreaching of love and have helped me see the world from a different perspective. They have inspired me to reach out when I’ve wanted to pull away. So, at this time, when many of us are feeling a little disconnected due to ongoing COVID-19 restrictions, I thought it would be nice to reflect on stories of love in all its forms. It’s something that binds us all, particularly during hardship, and costs nothing.
In closing, I would like to extend my gratitude to two people. The first, Bishop Bill, who has submitted his resignation as bishop to the Holy Father. Bishop Bill, through his reflection on the Gospel, has assisted me in growing in my understanding of what Jesus meant when he said, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Secondly, I would like to acknowledge my Uncle Joe. Like Lucia’s Aunty Mary, who you will read about in our cover story, he has imparted that same gift of unconditional love. While living with Down syndrome has caused Uncle Joe challenges, he has a special gift to light up a room and impart love to everyone he meets. His ‘cover’ is just one part of his incredible story.
It was almost six years ago that the Diocese first employed me and a few months later, my marriage came to an official end. I was broken. Working for a Catholic organisation, I was also concerned about how my employers would receive this news; they didn’t know my story, and at the time, I was not prepared to share it. I needn’t have been so concerned as even without explanation, I have been shown immense compassion. The kindness of colleagues, once strangers but
Regulars
Lizzie Snedden Editor for Aurora with her Uncle Joe.
f First word
3
f My word
4
Contact Aurora Next deadline 10 October 2021
f Frankly spoken
4
f Alumni 19 f Care talk
20
f Community noticeboard
21
Aurora editorial and advertising enquiries should be addressed to: Elizabeth Snedden P 0404 005 036 E elizabeth.snedden@mn.catholic.org.au
Editor: Lizzie Snedden Graphic Design: David Stedman Regular contributors: Liz Baker, Alex Foster, Brooke Cross, Brittany Gonzalez, Sarah James and Elle Tamata.
Aurora online Good news! You can still catch up with Aurora online, via www.MNnews.today
PO Box 756 Newcastle 2300
Subscribe: aurora@mn.catholic.org.au
www.facebook.com/MNnewstoday
WHEN IT MATTERS
MNnews.today/aurora-magazine
The Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle is located on traditional lands of Awabakal, Biripi Darkinjung, Kamilaroi, Wiradjuri, Wonnarua, and Worimi peoples. We honour the wisdom of and pay respect to, Elders past, present and emerging, and acknowledge the spiritual culture of all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples across Australia. We have much to learn from this ancient culture.
When it matters
It matters to us that your compensation claim is settled fairly and quickly.
DAVID JONES
Carroll & O’Dea Lawyers can win you compensation and secure your future.
ACCREDITED SPECIALIST IN PERSONAL INJURY LAW
When it matters, contact Carroll & O’Dea Lawyers.
NO WIN. NO FEE. NO OBLIGATION. enquiry@codea.com.au
www.codea.com.au
4032 1700
Level 5, 384 Hunter Street, Newcastle, New South Wales, 2300 Liability limited by a scheme approved under Professional Standards Legislation.
MY WORD
4
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Lead kindly light Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, Recent times have involved many difficulties for people in our region and across New South Wales and beyond. In such times, it is the duty of a bishop to be present with his people, to encourage and support wherever he can, to provide some point of stability in a shook-up world. I am acutely conscious that for some months I have been incapable of providing that episcopal service. At the end of June, I was an emergency admission to hospital, struggling to breathe. Despite good care and treatment, the condition of my lungs has not improved and, we now know, is an illness from which I will not recover. Meanwhile, I am physically incapable of performing public ceremonies or of getting about without considerable assistance. I can no longer fulfil a bishop’s role or duties. Accordingly, I have written to the Holy Father, Pope Francis, submitting my resignation as bishop. What happens next is, of course, entirely up to the Holy See. In the meantime, I will remain on sick leave and my place will be filled by the Vicar General and the excellent staff of the bishop’s office, as has been the case these last months. I should like to thank all of you who have sent me ‘get well’ wishes during my illness, and most especially those who have held me in prayer. The sensation of a peace and tranquility of spirit that come from beyond oneself has been very palpable in some of the challenging moments. May we continue to support each other in faith and love through all life’s challenges.
Photo: Priscilla Scanlon
Bishop Bill Wright Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle.
Frankly Spoken A love that fails to grow is at risk. Growth can only occur if we respond to God’s grace through constant acts of love, acts of kindness that become ever more frequent, intense, generous, tender and cheerful. The Joy Of Love (Amoris Laetitia), released in April 2016.
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
5
Photo: Peter Stoop
Aunty Mary’s incredible gift LIZZIE SNEDDEN
Lucia Minto, 12, has been announced as the winner of the 2021 Australian Catholics ‘Young Voices’ competition for her powerful digital story, The cover is not the book.
“Aunty Mary makes us all feel very special,” Lucia said. “It doesn’t matter to us what she looks like; she’s still the same to the rest of us on the inside. I am proud of her.”
The cover is not the book
The St Joseph’s Primary School, Merewether student compiled the video as part of a school project. Although she beat hundreds of students from across the country to take out the top gong, it’s not the prestige that has her overjoyed.
Lucia’s mother, Bernadette, is delighted with her daughter’s achievements and grateful for the profound impact Aunty Mary’s gift of unconditional love has had on generations of children in the family.
But do we take the time to question? To discover what lies beneath the cover?
“I’m excited to have won the award because hopefully, it will help to get the message out and make an impact in people’s lives,” Lucia said.
“To have an aunty who was so engaged in my life and that of my cousins growing up, and now our children as well, is special,” Bernadette said.
That message, she hopes to share, is about the importance of not discriminating against others based on their appearance.
“Love is what binds us all, and when you’re with Aunty Mary, she helps bring that out in everyone.”
“We just don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life.” The video incorporates a personal perspective and places Lucia’s relationship with her great aunty, Mary, in the spotlight. Mary, 64, lives in Lake Macquarie and enjoys dancing and Australian soap dramas. But more than anything, the doting aunty, who has Down syndrome, loves her family.
Lucia and Bernadette feel blessed that St Joseph’s, particularly Lucia’s teacher Mr Watt, encouraged students to complete a project on someone they admire, as the video is now a gift that the entire family treasures. “At our school, we feel like we’re part of a community; it’s not just a place where you go to learn,” Lucia said.
“
It doesn’t matter to us what she looks like; she’s still the same to the rest of us on the inside. I am proud of her.
”
By Lucia Minto Everyone has a story. The cover is not the book.
Or do you judge the book by its cover? Everyone has judged someone by how they look. I have seen children and adults staring at people with disabilities, the homeless or those who are behaving differently. Sometimes they laugh at them, sometimes they whisper about them, sometimes they walk in the other direction because they have made a judgement about that person. I have heard people calling homeless people horrible names. But they don’t know their story, and they don’t take the time to ask. I want to change the way we see other people. I want us to stop judging people by what is on the cover and to take the time to open the book and ask a question......what is your story? Aunty Mary is my great aunt who has down syndrome. Many people will judge her based on how she looks and how she talks. But I know her, and I know there is so much more to her than what people judge her to be. Aunty Mary was the youngest of eight children. My Nanna is her big sister. Her dad died when she was only 18. Then, her mum when she was 27. Aunty Mary knows what it feels like to lose people she loves, and she still grieves for them.
After her parents died, she lived with one of her sisters and her brother-in-law for about 35 years. Sadly, in the past 18 months both her sister Rosalie and brother-in-law Jim have passed away. For the last four years she has lived with my Nanna and has become an important part of my life. When Aunty Mary came to live with my Nanna it changed everything for her and our extended family. She goes everywhere with Nanna, which has included to my school for Book Week, school masses and open classrooms. When I was younger, I felt nervous when people stared at Aunt Mary because of how she looked. I was worried that people would make fun of her and me because she looks and sounds different from most people. Now that I have spent more time with Aunty Mary, I know that there is more to her than how she looks and sounds. Beneath the cover, she’s a really normal person with a quirky personality, feelings, memories, and a deep love for all of us. Because of Aunty Mary, I wonder about people’s stories. Everyone has a story. Take the time to see others through different eyes. Eyes of curiosity, compassion and love.
6
What is love? is the most exciting form of love and it is often described as ‘falling in love’ and ‘feeling love’. The attraction and desire can be strong and often leads to people committing themselves to each other in marriage.
TERESA, 68
MARRIED WITH CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN When I think of love my mind goes to the types of love usually depicted in ancient Greek philosophy. In it, there are four distinct words for love: storge, philia, eros and agape. At any one time I can feel all of these loves as a wife, a mother and grandmother, a sister, a cousin, a niece, an aunty, a friend and as one who believes we have a higher purpose to bring about God’s reign in the world in which we find ourselves. Most people tend to just equate love to that of ‘eros’; the passionate, feeling, romantic type of love. I must admit this
I would say that for me the love of ‘eros’ changes over time as the relationship and circumstances change. The love is no less, it is just different and requires a sense of love as a commitment to another person, and in my case, to the children that have come forth from that love. I like to describe it as a covenant, a bond for life in which I have promised to love and care for another person and they have also promised that as well. This is a stable, secure love – in sickness and in health until death do us part.
MARRIED WITH CHILDREN “What is love? Oh baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more”, sings Haddaway. If we look to pop culture to understand love, we will uncover more questions than answers. “What’s love got to do with it?”, “How deep is your love?” and of course, “I wanna know what love is”. If we go back in history, the French poets
What is love? It all depends on who you ask! Aurora caught up with people from across the diocese to find out their views on love. Their reflections are wide and varied, all influenced by their context. After reading their expressions, why not take a moment to ponder what love means to you, and how you can enrich your life and those around you through the giving and receiving of the gift of love.
Age has taught me that we need all of these types of love because the many layers of relationships make us whole and allow us to grow in our understanding of self. No one person or relationship can satisfy the complexity of who we are. We need to surround ourselves with a number of loving relationships so that we can live life fully and in connection with the whole of creation. Having been married for 46 years, love has many forms from words of “I love you”, to sharing the simple pleasures of life, like a meal at the end of each day or talking about shared interests or just sitting in silence. It comes without judgement and feels amazing and safe.
The greatest thing about love is being totally accepted for who you are – physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually and spiritually. It is also about serving and caring for the other people that you love. It is a pure gift given and received. It is about feeling at home.
Love, in all of its forms has changed me. It has called me to be more selfless and to give generously without counting the cost. To have children is an amazing gift which totally calls you beyond yourself in complete giving to the point of absolute exhaustion. It is always being available and responsive to the needs of another human who is dependent upon you for everything.
Humans have an innate capacity for love which is important for our survival as a species and as a community – we can love people but we can also love nature. There is this deep bond of mutual relationship and responsibility which is inherent in our survival.
Relationships and love require a commitment that needs to be worked at. It is essential to keep growing as a human and therefore love requires you and those you love to keep growing and developing. It is not stagnant and like any life requires nourishment.
of the 11th century had their say as love became the common theme and the popular preoccupation. Before this, in ancient Greece, love had nothing to do with marriage. This union was based on a pure calculation of interest.
But how can we love the different people in our lives?
The floodgates opened as Shakespeare, Elizabeth Browning and Yeats took love to new heights and love became the most universal theme in literature.
STEVE, 55
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
The most quoted definition, and often referenced at the union, of people, has to be 1 Corinthians 13:1, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud … Love does not delight, in evil but rejoices with the truth. And what about Jesus, the ultimate example of love, who died for us… what did he teach us about love? In Matthew 22:37-39 ‘Love God with all your heart … and love your neighbour as yourself.’ Jesus taught us about love, showed us how to love and then demonstrated his love for us on the cross. And before Jesus Psalm 143:8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you.
French Theologian, philosopher, musician and physician Albert Schweitzer received a Nobel prize in 1952 in Philosophy but was more recognised for his work in setting up a hospital in French Equatorial Africa. He wrote, “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another. A spark can burst into flame by this encounter with another human being. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” Every now and then someone will come into our day and by the grace of their presence, their words or their kind actions that flame burns even more brightly as a result of the interaction. In our lives we need to know that in some of the people we meet ‘that’ flame is barely alive. We can be the one that ignites that fire! We can be the one that gives someone hope, purpose or even just a smile. This is love! This is the love that Jesus has for us. The love that we can have for our partners, our children and even the strangers we meet in our travels each day.
In Luke 10:27 it says “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself.” It is a gospel imperative to love your neighbour as yourself. In our common parlance we speak about this as self-care. I believe our bodies are a temple and are sacred and need to be cared for. We have been given them by a good and gracious God who has charged us with looking after them. I think that in really loving another, in that total giving we grow in the awareness of loving ourselves. When we give to another unconditionally then something in us shifts and we are moved to experience the unconditional love that God showers on us, from the time of our conception, a miracle in itself through to the time of our natural death.
ODETTE, 14 I’m 14 years old, making me in-between the years of drawing love hearts on everything and having relationships with people. So, I would say I don’t have a particularly large experience with the meaning of love. However, I think it’s important because it connects us to people on a deeper level and gives us hope and purpose. It is a deep feeling that can be shared in many different types of relationships and ways.
ALEXANDER, 27 SINGLE
Love is a gift and I wish more people realised the power it has to improve our own lives and the lives of others. The greatest thing about love is that it’s free, and it can’t hurt you or anyone else. It is the thing that brings us all together. People of all different cultures, ages, genders, sexual orientations and spiritual beliefs can be united through the simple act of loving one another. These labels don’t matter, and love proves that. I was in a relationship with a man for nearly five years. I think a common misconception about lost love is that you then need to hate that person. I don’t, and I’ve never understood that mentality. Sure, the experience of losing that love was challenging, and I was one of the lucky ones, but I cherish every moment and every feeling. We lived together, got a puppy together, travelled the world together, and knew each other better than anyone else. Those are all wonderful things, and I’m forever grateful.
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
7
MARK, 42
MONIQUE, 31
MARRIED WITH CHILDREN As I’ve gotten older, I have learned that to love yourself is to know yourself, being honest about who you really are. In the past, I spent a long time feeling bad about many aspects of my personality I thought needed changing. Now, I am learning to love every aspect of what makes me, me. It’s a journey for sure. I am in love and blessed to say that I am in a relationship where our love is unconditional. When you love someone, you don’t notice the little things they miss, or the things that may annoy you. But you must always take an opportunity to do something considerate even when it puts you out. For me, that’s the two ways of love. Get, but make sure you give, too.
RUBY, 7 Love is caring for other people, by respecting them. I feel happy when someone shows me that they love me.
ANGUS, 12 Love means hanging out with friends and family and looking after each other. It also means respecting other people. It’s also important to love yourself, so you know who you are and what you’re capable of.
SINGLE
I have a quote framed on my desk that says, “And you’re in love with the whole damned world”. I think you can find love in so many things. I believe that connection is one of the great purposes of human life and that love is the deepest type of connection we can have. Love makes us feel and experience so many things that affect our life. Love often gives our life purpose, it makes us want to be with others, it makes us want to enjoy the little things. It also makes us want to protect and care for one another and it makes us happy. Being single for a significant amount of time, I know how important it is to love myself, and to understand and embrace who you are. For the longest time I only believed in dramatic, soulmate, fairy tale kinds of love. I always thought that it wasn’t a great love unless it was all encompassing and grand. It took me a long time to realise that yes, that type of love exists but it’s not the only type of love or the best kind of love. Love builds, ebbs and flows over time. Love can be quiet and constant, and that type of love can be just as powerful. The first (and only) person I have ever been in love with, told me a long time ago that I was never going to get my fairy-tale ending. I told him I was sure I would, and although I haven’t yet… I still think I will, it just may come in a different form than I first believed.
e v Lo
AMANDA, 43
MARRIED WITH A CHILD The impact love has on us is enormous. The science behind the hormones and neurochemical activity is fascinating, it explains how the brain and body work to respond to love as a stimulus. But religion helps me to understand why; why is it important to love myself and others, to show compassion and kindness to others. Proverbs 10:12 says, ‘Hate stirs up fights. But love erases all sins by forgiving them.’ I think this is a good reminder to let go of the things we dislike about ourselves as they only torment us, and embrace forgiveness of self and others so love can flourish. Love is important because without it our lives would lack great acts of forgiveness and compassion, leaving us devoid of happiness, joy and hope. Love is superior, it’s the answer to everything. Loving oneself is such a challenge, but yes, I have always loved myself. We can, and absolutely should, still love ourselves even if social norms tell us we don’t fit a particular standard. Self-care for me has always centered around moving my body; I try to focus on what my body can do, not on how it looks. For me that’s walking, running, swimming, pilates, yoga, and gym sessions. I love to have massages to relax and do meditation regularly. A daily conversation with God also keeps me grounded and reminds me of who I am, and who I want to be. Prayer takes my mind away from the business of the world and allows me to just breathe. If I can balance the care of body and mind, everything else seems to fall into place. I love my daughter, Serena, more than words can express. She was born during the first COVID-19 lockdown and it was so sad to not share that love and joy with the world. As she is growing up, she is developing a wonderful personality and lights up a room. I think children remind us what love really is. I lost my mum earlier in the year and she loved her grandkids more than anything, they were her pride and joy. The bond between my Mum and Serena, although only for a short time, is something I will cherish forever. It was true love in the purest form.
8
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Love is a verb. It gets up, after being awake throughout the night and smiles. Love embraces the child in her arms and sees no other. Love stores up his accomplishments in her heart and doesn't want another's. Love doesn't wear these like a badge on display for others.
GINNY, 36
KATIE, 40
Being of Asian background, the way we express love almost seems harsh to Westerners. My parents have never verbally said they love me, yet I know without a doubt they love me dearly. I can see that in the way they have made sacrifices to ensure my brother and I could be afforded opportunities they were not.
Love is about all connections, it is about feeling safe, secure, valued, happy and joyous. Love can be experienced physically, emotionally and spirituality.
SINGLE
In this way, I believe love is more than just a feeling; above all, it is putting yourself last and being willing to step back so others can reach their potential.
MARRIED WITH CHILDREN
ANNE, 40s
MARRIED WITH CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN
As a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend, who works full-time, finding genuine time to experience self-love is often left to the wayside. The older I am getting the more I am realising if I truly and honestly love who I am and what I am than, I am truly able to have the love of others.
Love is seeing the spontaneity in his footprints tracked across the newly mopped floor. She folds up the thoughts about how inconsiderate that was for a reflective moment at another time. Love waits to meet her own needs while meeting his needs that cannot be left in the queue.
I am extremely fortunate that I experience love daily through my beautiful family members, Daniel, Oscar and Amelia. This can be from the cup of tea bought to the bed side, the washing being placed in the machine or just the simple little hug and kiss as we all race off into our busy daily life. Being spontaneous and honest keeps love alive and is key, as life and time passes by.
Love places her own needs aside for the moment and meets his, as she quietly trains him to meet his own.
Love bites her tongue to keep those words on its tip from escaping. Love recognises evil's approach and runs to bar her door from it. Love is distressed by the choices that swagger past their door. She applaudes when he learns how to bypass them.
JAZMIN, 16 Love is important because it makes me happy!
Love carries these burdens close to her chest and molds them into hope for him. She patiently carries the load through the days toward the picture she has carefully crafted in her heart for him. She slips and slides along the way she goes. Sometimes she may fall or she may fail. But the way of love does not fail. What she has seen in the future will time out. Beautiful words like flowers will fade and disappear. Her highest thoughts, her smartest reasoning will be surpassed by another's and be gone tomorrow.
JACK, 15
These things she has relied on may give way, but not love.
Love is at the centre of all close human interactions and is what we should base our actions on. By remembering respect and kindness, I believe you cannot go wrong. My perception of love has changed drastically over the years. It went from feeling like I had to act how they do on TV shows, with big romantic gestures to much smaller things, like looking out for someone, especially in a time of need. Showing someone love is an easy thing most of the time and one of the greatest things about it is the genuine, caring feelings that it enables you to experience with others. The way showing love can change a person’s frame of mind is almost unbelievable. It is a power that we cannot fully understand and yet, with every day I continue to be amazed by what it does.
Love is the solid rock on which they stand.
CHARLOTTE, 11 HANNAH-ROSE, 14 Love is hugs from mum!
Love means hanging out with friends and love is a strong feeling. It’s hard to describe, but it’s kind of like when you care so much you would do anything for them. I feel love from my parents when I get hugs from them and they talk to me and give me good advice. I feel love from my teachers when they take the time to help me with something that I’m struggling with.
In the end she will know what is eternal. Love will be the solid rock on which they stood. She too will fade away but love will remain. In love she trusts. Inspired by DC Talk's 'Love is a Verb'
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
9
Love is an integral component of our DNA. It is implanted within our being by our creator at conception. This makes us like God, an image of God. God is the perfection of love. When I was young (and I’ll be ninety in a few weeks), I understood love to be something to be earned. I was lucky to have parents who loved me as their first born and expected the best of me. To win their approval/love I did my best and have been doing my best ever since.
FR ANTHONY, 44 PROMISED TO LIVE A CELIBATE LIFE
SR BETTY, 89
PROMISED TO LIVE A CELEBATE LIFE
Love is more than a feeling. In Benedict XVI’s Deus Caritas Est, he emphasised that love operates in a multi-dimensional pattern. He reckons that eros, philos and agape work in every experience of love. Love, following Benedict’s thoughts, is an event that is marked by physical intimacy, emotional and psychological authenticity, and selflessness. How can a person love oneself? First, a word on self-love: We simply cannot give what we do not have. Jesus Christ reminds his followers to “love your neighbor as you love yourself”. The quality and the intensity of my capacity to love others is significantly impacted by the quality of my self-love and self-care. When posed this question “How can a person love oneself?” my response is primarily informed by my current relationship status. As a person who promised to live a celibate life and as a migrant currently doing priestly ministry in the Diocese, self-love involves: acceptance of my life story and context; regular online communication with family from the Philippines; appreciation of the presence of deep friendships; constancy of personal prayer life; regular meetings with Spiritual Director, Supervisor and Mentor; visits to the local theater and purchases at second hand bookshops; and, in no particular order – books, scotch, chocolates, photography, international travels and karaoke in the shower! But I must say, self-love is not an end in itself. It is a means to provide quality care and life-giving love to others.
ETHAN, 5 You can show people you love them by telling them, but also by doing nice things for them. Showing people you love them is important as it makes you feel really good. I love my family, and my pool.
Love
My adventure into a Catholic school reinforced this notion of approval in relation to God as I was prepared for my first Confession. God was my father in Heaven. He would forgive my naughtiness and come to me with love in Holy Communion. Simple. Be good. God will be pleased with you. As life progressed, I felt the call to religious life, was accepted in 1950, and Professed in 1953. We were urged to perfection “as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” After 70 years in religious life, it has finally dawned on me that God does not seek perfection but love. Though my efforts, and life have been inspired by the vision, and spirit of Father Julian Tenison Woods, and Mary MacKillop, my desire to love God and my ability to do it seem unreachable. Inspiration. Insight came from my last 22 years of ministry to refugees in Newcastle. People who had NOTHING loved me. Shared their first wage. Bought flowers to hospital. Made special food. They didn’t have to prove anything to earn their safety. They showed gratitude for it. I realised gratitude to be an expression of love. Was I grateful to God for my life, my family, my vocation, my world, the universe and all it contains? I was, but I began to express my thanks with more conviction as I enjoyed my walks round the garden, admired the beauty of little weeds in the cracks of the pavers, savoured the company of Sister Diana my companion in community, played with our poodles, thanked the care ladies from Calvary Community Care who minister to my body that is wearing out. I appreciate verbally to the TV presentations of the efforts being made by health professionals, scientists seeking solutions to sickness and systems to control the pandemic. I understand that God is part of all things in my life, in all people, in all creation. What we do to/for each other we do to/ with God. I believe that we love God when we love one another. I am content to know this, to know that God’s love is not dependent on my level of goodness but on God’s goodness and love, and that we will share this love for all eternity.
SAGE, 9 Love is a warm fuzzy feeling that you get when some cares for you and respects you. I like to show people I love them by smiling at them and hugging them. I also show people I love them being there for them, and being kind to them, and making them craft.
LACHLAN, 6 Inside your heart is love. It’s important to show someone you love them because love is one of the most important things ever. I feel love when people are being nice to me and I feel happy and thankful. I show people love by giving them a little hug.
10
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
The common good DR BERNADETTE TOBIN, AO
“The coronavirus is showing us that each person’s true good is a common good, not only individual, and, vice versa, the common good is a true good for the person. If a person only seeks his or her own good, that person is egotistical. Instead, the person is kinder, nobler, when his or her own good is open to everyone, when it is shared. Health, in addition to being an individual good, is also a public good. A healthy society is one that takes care of everyone’s health, of all.” Pope Francis When the Pope says that each person’s good is a ‘common good’, what does he mean? One thing at least should be clear: he does not mean ‘the greatest happiness for the greatest number’. To see why this is so, let’s consider a rather gruesome ‘thought experiment’. Imagine that you are in charge of a ward in a hospital in which there are six patients. Five patients will die without transplants.
would be available for transplanting into the others. Let’s imagine that he has no immediate family, so it’s unlikely that anyone else will be distressed by his death. And you won’t tell the other patients where their life-saving organs come from.
are ‘true’ or ‘genuine’ goods, things the goodness of which is a matter of fact not just a matter of opinion. Think of health, knowledge, friendship, etc. Second, he is reminding us that a true good is a good for everyone who participates in it.
Now I’m sure that those who talk about ‘the greatest happiness for the greatest number’ would never recommend that we act on this exercise in ‘moral mathematics’. That said, this fictitious ‘thought experiment’ does help us to see that the ‘common good’ could not literally mean ‘the greatest happiness for the greatest number’.
The specific example the Pope cites is health. To say that health is a common good means not only that it is a good thing for you and a good thing for me. It also means that your health is a good for me and my health is a good for you.
A mathematical or aggregate view of the common good implies (again, if taken literally) that, if we have to allocate our resources, we should do whatever will ‘save as many lives as possible’ or ‘save as many life-years as possible’ (that is, favour the young ahead of the old) or ‘save as many quality-adjusted life years as possible’
This is very easy to see in the case of one’s family. Ordinarily, my health is a good thing for my family members and their health is a good thing for me. But it should also be easy to see in the case of the whole community during a pandemic. In a pandemic, the health of each member of society is a good thing for every other member of society. That’s why the Pope urges each of us to get
Health, in addition to being an individual good, is also a public good. Two need lungs. Two need kidneys. And the fifth needs a new heart. In the next room is sixth person recovering from the anaesthetic after surgery to fix a badly broken leg. Other than that, he is perfectly healthy. It occurs to you that you could painlessly cause him to die so that his organs
(that is, save the young and otherwise healthy ahead of the old, the incapacitated, those with disabilities, etc). When the Pope says that the coronavirus is showing us that each person’s true good is a common good, he is saying something very different. First, he is reminding us that it makes sense to talk of things that
vaccinated. If we were each to see what he means, and act upon it, there would be no need for hospitals, aged care institutions, employers and health departments to even have to consider mandating the vaccination of staff, visitors, etc. Are vaccine mandates ever justified? Following what Thomas Aquinas says
about laws that are just, we can say that a mandate will be just if it meets three conditions: if it is ordered to the goal of everyone’s good, if it does not exceed the legitimate power of the legislator, and if it does not lay unreasonable burdens on the citizens. Vaccines are effective at the reducing both the chance of infection and the severity of COVID-19 itself; in addition, the best scientific advice confirms their safety. And the state does play an important role in protecting the health of the citizens. The real challenge is to ensure that their introduction does not impose undue burdens on anyone. So, let’s avoid the need for mandates. Let’s encourage everyone to be vaccinated for the sake of the common good. As the Pope said recently, it’s an act of love. Dr Bernadette Tobin, AO is the Director of the Plunkett Centre for Ethics.
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
11
Peter Stoop
Feeling love through tragedy LIZ BAKER
For high school sweethearts Bernice and Tony, love was like the feeling of home. Bernice said, “I think love is really just enjoying a person – being able to rely on them, to support them and have that back in return. I could be myself with Tony. He was warm and energetic, full of a zest for life.” The couple met while attending a Catholic school in Sydney. They were in the same homeroom in Years 11 and 12, and a friendship blossomed into a romance. They were married at 25 and later settled in Singleton for Tony’s work. An avid sailor, Tony had always dreamed of participating in a leg of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race, which he realised alongside mates in January 2020. Bernice flew to the isle state to meet him as he sailed into the harbour, and from there, they started an eight-day trip traversing the countryside together as part of her 40th birthday festivities. It was the first time they’d spent more than a weekend away from their three children, who were staying with Bernice's parents and sister. Bernice reflects the getaway was full of great conversations, long walks and romantic dinners. However, it was after a dinner on their last night together in Tasmania a tragedy took place. “I don't remember the accident at all. I’ve had to piece it back together from what I’ve been told,” Bernice said. “We were crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing as a car came through the red light. Unfortunately, it struck another car,
which then hit us. Tony died instantly at the scene. My injuries were horrific; my pelvis was smashed. I've since be told by surgeons and doctors that things were so bad, I only had a 50 per cent chance of survival.”
The grieving widow was adamant that his funeral be delayed until she could attend his farewell. Accordingly, while recuperating in the John Hunter Hospital, Bernice was granted a day of leave to attend Tony's funeral in Singleton.
Doctors at the Launceston General Hospital built a frame to stabilise Bernice’s pelvis so that she could then be airlifted to The Alfred, in Melbourne, for specialised care and treatment.
“We are so lucky the funeral happened before all the COVID-19 lockdowns came into play. The church was over-flowing. It showed us how much Tony was loved.”
“While this was unfolding, my parents got an early morning knock on the door from a police officer. Mum and Dad then had to go over to my sister’s home, where the kids were staying that night and tell them that their Dad had died and that I was in the hospital and they didn’t know what was going to happen.” Bernice’s parents then flew to Melbourne while the children remained in the care of her sister. Bernice was hospitalised in Melbourne for a month, during which time she had four surgeries. Her parents did not leave her side during the stay, and her children came to visit twice, along with other family members and friends. Bernice was then airlifted from Melbourne to the John Hunter Hospital in Newcastle, where she recovered for another month. “All the time I was in hospital my sister, her partner and their two kids dropped everything in their lives and moved up from Sydney to Singleton so that my kids could have stability – their home, school, friends and everything they knew. Their support was just amazing,” Bernice said.
When Bernice eventually headed home, she remained in a wheelchair, so her sister’s family remained living with them to assist during the transition. This timing coincided with 2020's COVID-19 stay-athome orders. “In some ways the lockdown was nice, as we had quality time with the kids,” Bernice said, adding with a laugh “I guess it was the best time to be off my feet.” Nearly two years on, Bernice still has significant nerve damage and no use of her quads. She's walking but occasionally requires a walking stick. “There’s a lot I still can’t do, like walk distances or run, but I focus on what I can do. You learn how fragile life is. You do switch from just getting through to relishing what you have. You have to make the most of it.” “I’m very conscious that I’m alive when I might not have been, and I'm here for the kids.” The kids – Bayden 15, Elijah 12 and Gemma 9 are in Year 9, 6 and 3 at St Catherine’s College in Singleton.
“We’ve had so much love and support. The love from the Singleton community and the St Catherine’s school community has been amazing. I still have people ringing me asking how they can help. “I know we would have coped without support, but nowhere near as well. It’s like I could feel people’s arms wrapping around us. It’s inspired me and humbled me.” Bernice’s strength and gratitude shine from within. “I’ve felt blessed all my life. I met Tony so young, and I’m really grateful we got in as many years of love as we did,” she said. “This journey is achingly sad at times, and tough, but there are so many things to look forward to, so many silver linings, so much to be grateful for and so much opportunity for growth.”
12
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Dad’s the word LIZZIE SNEDDEN
For years Meg Southcombe’s bright smile hid a dark, family secret. At around 15 years of age, the natural-born leader’s vivacious spirit became temporarily dampened by her father’s private and debilitating battle with mental ill-health. In 2018, Michael, a fit and active member of the Muswellbrook community, was diagnosed with clinical depression. “A few weeks after Mum and Dad told us he had depression, seeing no improvement in his condition, he was ‘scheduled’ by his doctor," Meg said. For Meg, her father’s admission to Warners Bay Private Hospital for treatment came as a relief. She knew he would be in safe hands. In the weeks leading up to Michael’s hospitalisation, the family ensured there was always someone with him. For Meg’s younger brother Will, then 13, this meant he had days when he did not attend school while their mother was at work. Meanwhile, Meg, who has always had a powerful bond with her father, continued at school to avoid the brutal reality of seeing him so unwell. “The onset of his depression seemed somewhat sudden – it was like something had taken over his mind.” said Meg. Michael’s friend had died by suicide only months earlier, and from there, his own mental health spiralled out of control, so the family’s fears weren’t unfounded. In Australia, over a million children live in a household where at least one parent has a mental illness. For the Southcombe children, the impacts of their father’s mental ill-health were amplified by their locality. Michael, supported by his wife Sarah, had to travel long distances to access specialised psychiatric care. Being in different locations meant they
did not regularly see their dad while he underwent treatment, which was difficult for the tight-knit family. They were also acutely aware of the stigma that surrounds depression. “We realise now that if we had told people, there would have been more help available from loved ones, but there’s so much stigma around mental illness. So, living in a small community and on top of everything else, we didn’t want everyone to know Dad’s business as we weren’t sure how they would react,” said Meg. It’s been almost three years since Michael’s hospital admission, and while he keeps in regular contact with his psychologist, he is no longer required to take anti‑depressants. Michael is back at work and doing things he loves most, like exercising with his children. The family has adjusted to their new ‘normal’, which includes sharing insight about their darker days to give others hope. Meg is currently studying for her Higher School Certificate at St Joseph’s High School in Aberdeen. For her Year 12 Independent Research Project, the school captain wrote about the impacts of mental health on a family’s wellbeing. So, when Meg heard that the Governor of New South Wales, Her Excellency Margaret Beazley was visiting the Upper Hunter earlier in the year, she trekked out to Gundy Pub to share her insights into the challenges of dealing with mental ill-health when living in rural areas. "I explained to the Governor that my dad has depression and how when he was placed in a psych ward in Newcastle, my mum had to continue working long hours to keep the family afloat, while also finding the time to take Will and me down to visit him,” Meg said. The Governor was so impressed with what Meg had to say that she invited
the advocate to send her a copy of the research paper. A few weeks later Meg received a letter from Her Excellency saying she’d read the ‘excellent’ report with great interest. “We’ll be using this in the future when making decisions,” it states. Meg, who is also a student ambassador for the Upper Hunter mental health project, Where there’s a Will, was ecstatic to know that her research may influence how government supports families dealing with depression in rural areas. Weeks later, Scone.com.au broke the story of Meg’s brush with the Governor and, in the process, very publicly lifted the veil of secrecy that the Southcombe family had been hiding behind for years.
“ It was lovely, after years
“Once the article went online, our phones didn’t stop buzzing,” Meg said.
of not speaking about
So, the next day, once they’d had a chance to reflect on people’s comments, the Southcombe’s came together to discuss what had transpired.
our own experience,
“We were so humbled, Dad in particular,” Meg said. "It was lovely, after years of not speaking about our own experience to have people reach out to us in support. “Dad, who had carried around the secret of his mental ill-health for years while also battling the condition, was particularly moved. But, it was the comments from strangers who said how much our honesty had impacted them and made them feel like they weren’t alone in what they’re going through that meant the most to him.” Now, when Meg smiles, it’s because she knows she is using her own family’s experiences to help others in need. “We’ve been touched by the love and support we’ve received from the community; it’s great to be able to share that with others.”
to have people reach out to us in support.
”
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
13
Awaken your mind FRANCES HOLZ
Sure, he may look a little different to what most consider ‘normal’. And yes it takes extra time to understand his speech. But don’t judge a book by its cover, says Robbie Hure, who was born with cerebral palsy and has endured more than most in his 78 years. “I’ve still got my marbles,” he said with a smile. Robbie, who lives at Calvary Mt Carmel Retirement Community in Maitland, wrote his simple but powerful poem some years ago when he was compiling his life story, which he titled An Awakening Mind. He would dictate and a friend would type. “One of my main aims in writing 'Just a simple poem' was to educate. I want people to understand that we are all the same, we have rights, each and every one of us. I want people to see others for who they are not what look like,” Robbie said. “I can’t understand people who reject other people because of the colour of their skin, or the way they look, or because they are different.” Robbie was born and bred in South Maitland, near the city’s historic regional park. With no alternatives available back then, Robbie went to a small mainstream primary school on the edge of the park and later to a local boys’ high school. Cerebral palsy is a group of neurological disorders that affects body movement and muscle coordination. Robbie was born with the most common type, spastic cerebral palsy. School and his early life were difficult. But his world changed one day when he met a young trainee occupational therapist during a stay in Maitland Hospital. She saw him reading a book, struck up a conversation and encouraged him toward furthering his education. “I wish I could,” he said at first. She and others put things in place and at the age of 45, Robbie Hure went to TAFE to undertake
his Higher School Certificate and several other courses to boot. It would take him nine or 10 years to complete, but if life has taught Robbie anything it is acceptance – and persistence. It opened up a different world. He did history, English and geography amongst other subjects. He learnt to use a computer and got the bug.
Just a simple poem By Robbie Hure This is just a simple poem some of the words from us to you And after you have had a read please stop and think it through We’re people who are different there are many names we’re labelled. But what we are is what we are because we are disabled.
“Work within your limitations and you will get there,” said Robbie, although he was also working to his strengths. “They wanted me to go on to university but I couldn’t for various reasons.”
This thing that you must realise though beyond what you are seeing
Instead he got a job with TAFE.
We eat, we drink, we breathe and sleep in fact so much we share
“I did a bit of part-time work for TAFE. They sent me all over the place to give lectures on education and disability. I told people what it was like living with disability and how important education was. I showed people how they could teach people with disabilities.”
We had no choice in how we are it seems this is our lot
In his own quiet way, Robbie has been an advocate for people with disability for much of his life. People have almost always seen him as being someone different, or not seeing him at all.
That each and every one of us is also a human being We have a heart that beats like yours we have feelings and we care
And we accept that we must do the best with what we’ve got People stop and ask why god would let us be that way But it was to make you appreciate that you were born ok We have to go through hard times too it’s just a fact of life So when some people mock us it cuts just like a knife And often we are picked on by some big noting bully Yet he might find us not too bad if he got to know us fully
“The people at TAFE were younger and it was marvelous to work with the younger people.”
These aren’t meant to knock you we’re not here to whinge and whine
Robbie went to live at Calvary Mt Carmel after suffering a stroke four years ago. He’s known to do burnouts in his motorized wheelchair and has turned his computer skills to online shopping. And he’s looking forward to once again being able to get in a taxi and go down to the Levee or other parts of Maitland to do a little local shopping after COVID-19 restrictions ease.
So when you see us down the street and you see our problems showing
So if you see him out and about, be sure to say ‘hello’. Like his simple poem, Robbie has hope for a world with love and understanding, where difference doesn’t matter. Frances Holz is the Communications – Lead for Calvary Aged Care.
We don’t need your pity just your friendship will do fine
Just look beyond our outer form and ask how we are going Please take that step and don’t be scared take time and just reach out You’ll find we also care about you and what your life’s about So ill leave you with this final thought it includes us and you That every person in the world has something they can do So now the question that i ask when all the cards are tabled If every person has a fault Then aren’t we all disabled?
14
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Photos of Serafina's great grandmother, whose life forms the basis of The Unfettered Soul.
The Unfettered Soul The Unfettered Soul, authored by former St Francis Xavier’s College, Hamilton student Serafina Angeli, is a pastiche of historical recreation combined with elements of portrait memoir. The words contained in the creative non-fiction were so powerful that it was recently selected by the NSW Education Standards Authority (NESA) to appear in this year’s Young Writers Showcase. Angeli is one of only 18 students selected to have their major work published in the 2021 edition of the Young Writers anthology, which celebrates the impressive talents of HSC
1924 Esterina sits on the edge of the bed she shares with her sisters. The needle pierces the ivory pillowcase, the white thread marries with creaseless linen, intertwining inexplicably with the sacred cloth. She intricately crafts her initials, each swirl a symbol of her becoming, her imminent womanhood. Where her husband will lay his head. A pain throbs in her own, but she focuses on the rise and fall of her hand. She will be eighteen next month and must complete the final piece for her trousseau. The ache in her head spreads to her hands. She relinquishes the embroidery, the slats of wood creaking as she shifts her weight to the middle of the bed. Maybe if I close my eyes for a minute... The shapes in her room dissolve. She dreams in white. White bed linen. White like the Virgin Madonna. White wedding dress, white satin shoes. White flowers lining the church aisle as she floats past, arm in arm with papa. A dozen people sit in the pews. When she reaches the altar, she turns around. The faces of mamma, and her brothers and sisters. Lino sitting in the front row. Lino. A knock at the door awakens her. Esterina’s mother leans against the doorframe, her brow creased. “Esterina, are you not feeling well?” Her
mother asks, concerned by her daughter’s pallid complexion. “Just a little headache, mamma.” She takes her daughter’s hands in her own. Softened skin against calloused palms. “Lie down now, you can finish your needlework after dinner,” Esterina pulls at a loose thread on her thin, fraying duvet. Something else to fix. Lino. Two years since he left, since they last spoke. Two years with no letters. He must be too busy to write, making money to bring home, she tells herself. And paper and pens and ink are expensive. And mail can so easily become lost. She retrieves her needlework, the undulations of her hand more ferocious than before. Flares of inspiration as she translates her pain into motifs and monograms, which flourish like those dislocating waves. She holds it up to the window, admiring it under the moonlight’s milky patina. White snowflakes of peeling paint flutter from the ceiling. White vessels glide in the harbour with older brothers aboard.
1926 Light pours through the dance hall’s sheer, moth-eaten curtains, quivering in the evening breeze. Bodies move in time with the accordion's spirited melody, Esterina
English Extension 2 students from across the State. Reflecting on the inclusion of The Unfettered Soul, Angeli said she hoped it will serve as a meditation on life’s dichotomies – light and dark, hope and despair, love and loss. Below is an excerpt from The Unfettered Soul. You can access the full version of the story online at mnnews.today or by purchasing a copy of the Young Writers Showcase at www.shop.nesa.nsw.edu.au/young-writers-showcase
and Guido moving as one. Together they perform the Furlana, vibrant shapes and flamboyant motions combined.
promises and blessings. Guido slips the gold band on her finger. Her youth fades into the summer air. She is a woman.
The music slows, coming to an end.
Forty-seven orbits of the sun. Underneath the covers of the bed my sister and I are sharing, I anticipate a night of disturbed sleep as jetlag mingles with the surreal feeling of being here. Until now, this place had just been a word. Castions. Now it has details – familial faces, fragrant flowers, rivers, and rhythms. Plump pillows cradle my contended weariness. I rest my hand beside my cheek, becoming acutely aware of the blossoming letters and borders. MBE.
“Shall we get some fresh air?” he asks. They leave the hall and enter the night’s intoxicating spell. Esterina lays her head on Guido’s shoulder. They watch the stars dancing beneath the moon’s cratered face. The Aries constellation threaded across the sky. Bright, white fire. The thread begins to unravel from the skein, revealing the future’s fragile design. Guido will ask for her hand, and she will move to Zoppola. Away from mamma, papa, her brothers and sisters. The idea is thrilling but bittersweet. Salt rubbed in raw, unhealed wounds. This is the moment she had prepared for, with every twirl of the needle. Mysteries mamma had described to her as she stirred the polenta. Guido brings her hand to his lips. The mute swans sleep, drifting along on the river’s surface. Luminous tufts of floating white, blissfully unaware of the darkness that surrounds them. Another thing mamma cannot explain – Where is Lino?
1928 Starched white cotton, stiff against her skin, Esterina stands before the marble altar at the church in Fossalta. Prayers and
Moni Bidin, Esterina. A black and white portrait in the hallway of my nonno Sante’s house, a vivid mosaic I have pieced together from the stories he has told me. This strong woman I had painted in my mind is beneath my fingertips, captured in the fibres of delicate silk. In this moment of tactile empathy, my hands are one with hers. We sit on the shoreline of these intergenerational verses, I take a stone from the broken terrain, skim it across the surface, and observe as the water ripples beneath its weight. I taste the salted air on my tongue, hear the reveries of breaking waves, feel the soft undulations of ancestral voices against my ankles. I envisage my heroine, her existence illuminated in the coins of light that scatter the sea’s surface. But to glorify this ocean and the space between would deny it of its power to shift and saturate and shatter and sever.
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
15
What do you remember about that day? SARAH JAMES
“We’ve got a safe house, a couple of rooms, access to a Care Team and training and a lot of love.” That was enough to prompt Scone couple, Rob and Dale to become foster carers. Rob and Dale are one of those couples whose love is tangible to anyone they meet. Growing up in a small country town, they had always known each other. But 15 years ago, they took their friendship to the next level and have been going from strength to strength ever since. “We don’t like spending time apart,” said Dale. “From the beginning of our relationship, if Rob had to go away for the night, we would be calling each other saying ‘I miss you’.” “Everyone makes fun of us because we’re one of those annoying couples who are obsessed with each other.” However, as the saying goes, the course of true love never runs smooth. Rob and Dale first encountered difficulties as a couple during their journey to parenthood. Years after they were married, though they were keen to start their own family, it just wasn’t happening for them. Genetic testing showed mutations on both sides and that a natural pregnancy would likely not be possible. “When we found out about our genetic mutations, we thought maybe it was a sign we should give love and a home to children who really need it,” explained Dale.
“There are so many kids out there who need love and stability.” In the Hunter region, there are many children and young people living in motels and crisis accommodation, as they don’t have a safe home. Having a few friends who are carers, Rob and Dale already had a sense of what being a foster care entailed and knew this was an opportunity to make a real difference in a child's life. A call to CatholicCare Social Services Hunter-Manning set the couple’s journey to becoming foster carers in motion. Following training sessions and the authorisation process, it wasn’t long before they were asked to provide emergency care to an 18-month-old boy named Brodie*. While Rob and Dale had only expressed interest in being permanent carers, something about Brodie told them it was fate. “When we saw the picture of this little boy looking out the window, almost like he was waiting for us to come to pick him up, we knew right away. It just felt right.” On a sunny day in July 2018, Rob and Dale picked up the child, who quickly became an irreplaceable third member of their family. “Meeting Brodie for the first time was quite daunting,” said Rob. “He was very closedoff and withdrawn. But we knew he was meant for us.” “We were meant for this purpose. This was why we haven't been able to have our own children. We were meant for Brodie.”
Despite being just a toddler at the time, Brodie also vividly remembers the moment he became a part of Rob and Dale's family. “I asked Brodie what he remembers from that day,” said Dale. “He said just one word back to me: ‘love’.” The family now host an annual celebration on the July date, which they consider the best day of their lives and a reminder of how truly blessed they are. However, the couple also take time to reflect on the grief experienced by Brodie’s birth family in having him removed. The shy Brodie they first met three years ago is a far cry from the cheeky boy he has grown into while under their care. Now four-and-half years old, he brightens a room and is known for making everyone laugh and smile. “He’s four going on 14; he’s very clever,” gushes Dale. “Brodie has the best sense of humour I’ve ever seen in a child. He's one of a kind.” While Rob and Dale’s love for Brodie is palpable, they also recognise his birth parents share this love. Dale messages Brodie’s mother and father regularly, and they FaceTime once a week to keep them in his life as much as possible. “We established from day dot to include Brodie’s mother and father, and I think they respect us a lot more for that. It’s important to empathise with them and show you’re not there to take their spot but to help their child. We’re part of the same team.”
While Rob and Dale are unclear about how long Brodie will be in their care, they haven’t let this ambiguity stop them from loving Brodie as if he was their own. Asked if they could love him anymore if he was their biological son, the response was an emphatic ‘no’. “My advice for anyone considering fostering is to treat the children as if they were your own kids, and you won't have a problem.”
“
I asked Brodie what he remembers from that day. He said just one word back to me: ‘love’.
”
16
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
An enduring love song LIZZIE SNEDDEN
Standing in front of a packed stadium to sing the national anthem would be enough to paralyse most people with fear. But not Amanda Barrass.
finding my wedding dress,” Amanda laughed. “It was actually Evan who picked the dress I wore, which made it even more special.”
her mother and sister before her, Amanda was diagnosed with breast cancer after receiving medical attention following a fall from a motor bike.
Since she was a little girl, the now 37-yearold mother of two had always dreamed of singing at a State of Origin match. And, on a cool Wednesday night in July, her wish became a reality.
Later that night, she learnt that the match had been moved from Newcastle to the Gold Coast due to COVID-19 fears.
Despite the family history, the Stage 3 diagnosis came somewhat as a surprise to Amanda, who had previously tested negative for the cancerous BRCA1 gene. Shortly afterwards, the joyful mother and loving wife underwent a double mastectomy, six months of chemotherapy and six weeks of radiation.
“It was like I stopped breathing for two minutes, but in the most incredible and wonderful way,” Amanda said. The days leading up to the performance were a rollercoaster for the self-confessed go-getter and seasoned performer who hails from Abermain. When Amanda caught wind that the final game of the 2021 series would be played in Newcastle, she put out a call on social media asking rugby league officials to let her perform. To her absolute delight, her plea was answered. The following day Amanda went shopping with her mother and son Ethan, who is the school captain of Holy Spirit Primary School, Kurri Kurri in tow. “Finding the perfect dress for the performance felt more important than
“When I saw that the game had been moved to Queensland and hadn’t heard anything from officials, I could feel disappointment building from within. I thought there was a good chance I wouldn’t be signing and they'd replace me with a local star – it’s the Gold Coast after all!” The following day, she received a call to say she would still be performing, so the family excitedly packed their bags headed for the Gold Coast. “Performing at the Origin wasn’t just about me; it was about making my boys proud and inspiring other average mums like me to dream big,” said Amanda. Amanda is used to riding life’s ups and downs, and it isn’t just her efforts on stage that make those around her burst with pride. In 2016 and at just 31 years of age, like
“We thought things were plotting along well,” said Amanda explaining the moment she received the horrific news cancer had come back with a vengeance. “It was 18 months after I'd had the double mastectomy, and we had just returned from a family holiday to Fiji. I went in for a routine check-up, feeling great, only to be told that the breast cancer cells had turned metastatic and put seven tumours in my spine.” Amanda underwent emergency surgery and radiation on her neck and, ever since has been taking oral chemotherapy. She admits there have been dark moments, but you wouldn't know it to speak to her as her sunny disposition radiates.
“I initially found the diagnosis hard to swallow. I was focused on what could have been if I had received a positive result when I had the genes testing years prior, as I would have diagnosed the cancer earlier. It wouldn't have gotten so bad. But, I am a positive person and surrounded by so much love, and so I quickly realised there’s no time for that negativity.” Throughout her battle, she has drawn on the strength imparted by her grandfather. “My grandfather was my best friend growing up. He was such a strong man, who got an OAM for his community work. It’s never occurred to me to give up; to me, that’s the easy way out, and I think I got that mindset for him.” Amanda is very grateful for the care she’s received at the Calvary Mater Newcastle Medical Oncology Unit. “I feel so supported by my care team,” Amanda said. “My oncologist knows me to a T. To be at this point, three years after a Stage 4 diagnosis is remarkable. I owe everything to them. “It’s inspiring to feel so much love from them. I want to remain well for me and my family, but I also want to do well for them.”
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
17
A patient heart Sid Handsaker believes in love at first sight. One of the few remaining World War II Spitfire fighter pilots in Australia, Sid will turn 100 in November. But he still remembers when he first met the woman who would eventually become his wife, Patty. She was 14 and wearing Bobby socks. They started dating two years later. “We were great mates,” said Sid, who joined the Royal Australian Air Force a few years later, in part to impress Patty. They wrote to each other regularly when Sid went off to war and Patty was there at the dock with the rest of his family when he returned in 1946. Sid was still besotted but Patty had met someone else. They went their separate ways. Both later married, had families, and ultimately divorced. After some years Sid found out where Patty was working. He would often visit but hide so she couldn’t see him. Sid and Patty started dating again and finally got married, and have been together now for more than 30 years.
Amanda and her family, who all love and sing along to country music, make a conscious effort to spend quality time together.
it comes. I know I want to grow old with Mark and our boys Rhys and Evan. They are such kind boys, not just towards me, but everyone.
“COVID-19 has put a damper on our travel plans though,” she says with a laugh. In recent years, before travel restrictions were in place, the family travelled to New Zealand, Hawaii and Singapore. But it’s not just overseas that holds an allure for the family of four.
“Fighting cancer is not how I imagined I’d spend my thirties, but I am proud of myself.
“A couple of years ago we bought a farm with a tiny shack, and eight cows, near Nundle. There's no phone reception, it’s just us and 320 acres.” Amanda explains she no longer races through life, “I take the time to appreciate it.” “Down here (in Abermain), everything can be a bit chaotic, but at the farm, everything is so peaceful. We live simply up there; everyone is so connected.” When asked what the future holds, Amanda is very pragmatic. “I used to have a million thoughts like ‘am I going to get to see my boys grow up?’ but now, the unknown doesn’t bother me so much. I take each day as
“I believe if you’re surrounded by love, you can do anything. It’s certainly what’s moved me forward. I see the love in my boys’ eyes, and in Mark’s eyes.” And, she says it’s that look in their eyes that she couldn’t wait to get back to once she’d performed at the State of Origin. “After I finished singing, I raced so fast to get changed into my Blues jersey and make my way back to them that I could hardly breathe. Seeing their faces when I got back was everything to me.”
Eventually, they both moved to live at Calvary St Francis at Eleebana. Patty is now living with dementia but Sid says she still knows who he is. They have their meals together every day, and still have a kiss and cuddle every morning. Sid followed his heart, and patience and persistence have served him well.
18
Sophie Jordan – All Saints’ College, St Peter’s Campus, Maitland
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Isabell Kelly – All Saints’ College, St Peter’s Campus, Maitland
Safe and secure As part of Child Protection Week 2021, secondary students from across the diocese were asked to design a piece of art that represents what it means to feel safe and secure.
Sarah Hannaway – All Saints’ College, St Mary’s Campus, Maitland
The aim of the project was to foster students understanding of the importance of child protection and facilitate a conversation about what it means to feel safe and secure. The Catholic Schools Office received many wonderful submissions, some of which are displayed.
Tyla Grace Pirlo – St Pius X High School, Adamstown
Lucy Mexon – All Saints’ College, St Mary’s Campus, Maitland
Jessica Love – All Saints’ College, St Peter’s Campus, Maitland
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
James Drinkwater BRITTANY GONZALEZ
19
ALUMNI
James Drinkwater is a Newcastle born and based artist whose practise traverses painting, sculpture, assemblage and collage. His work explores place, intimacy, and memory. After completing his studies at the National Art School, Sydney in 2001, James has been included in group exhibitions and held solo exhibitions both nationally and internationally. Eyes can wander his work in major public collections displayed at the likes of the Newcastle Art Gallery and Art Gallery of New South Wales and as part of private collections in New York, Singapore, Germany, and the United Kingdom. For James, love and family are everything. As a result, they have become recurring themes inscribed in his art. Married to another local artist, Lottie Consalvo, the two have journeyed far and wide, travelling and living in cities worldwide, including Paris, Berlin, Melbourne and Sydney. Now with a young family, James and Lottie, alongside their son, Vincenzo and daughter, Hester, once again call Newcastle home.
What Catholic school(s) did you attend? St Joseph’s Primary School, Merewether; St Pius X High School, Adamstown; and, St Francis Xavier’s College, Hamilton. Why did your parents choose a Catholic education for you? I think it’s all they knew. They both taught in the Catholic System. Tradition played its part, I’m sure, and that the values taught in those schools probably aligned with theirs.
“
...as a two-year-old, I would sit still and draw the Catholic iconography around me. It is the clearest memory I have, under five.
What is your fondest memory from your schooling years?
”
The social aspect, naturally – and that the schools acknowledged my early passion for painting and drawing and nurtured this. I was so fortunate that my art teachers took me and my art seriously and treated me as an equal.
Love and family are recurring themes in your art. How do you reflect these two important pillars in your art?
How did your love for being an artist and sculptor flourish? Growing up, my family went to church on Sundays. My parents, who had four children in tow, had multiple ways to keep us at bay, and for me, that was always drawing. So, as a two-year-old, I would sit still and draw the Catholic iconography around me. It is the clearest memory I have, under five. By the time I hit primary school, I would frequently visit the Newcastle Library and borrow a documentary about Australian landscape painter Fred Williams. Then, it just flicked a switch. The act of art completely enchanted me. My parents encouraged this interest, inspiring me to attend classes at the Ron Hartree-Art School in King Street and ride to Anne von Bertouch’s gallery in Cooks Hill, where I would sit with painters, sip orange juice and talk art. It was the meeting point of my desire and key people and influences that seemed to sort of appear at the right time.
There is no divide between life and work. Therefore, the events and theatre of life bleed into the pictures without being too conscious of its transfer. Your art has taken you far and wide but what would you point to as your proudest artistic achievement? The triumph is that I can go to my studio every day, and nobody can say otherwise. There is no Plan B; there never was one. With the other places that you have lived and worked in the world, why Newcastle? The decision was both practical, as it would allow both Lottie and myself to pursue full-time art careers in the city, and deeply personal as we both have family here. Somebody said to me recently, “Why don't you go to New York? Where’s your ambition”? To which I replied, “My mother doesn’t live in New York; she lives in Hamilton South!”
20
CARE TALK
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Care talk
Neuroscience and love KELLY PAVAN
The Rosewood Centre’s registered psychologists address a new issue each month. The advice provided is general in nature and does not replace ongoing support and advice from your health professional. To talk to someone about counselling support, call: The Rosewood Centre P 1800 613 155 or Lifeline 24/7 on P 131 114.
Do you have a question for us? Email your question to aurora@mn.catholic.org.au or write to Aurora-CareTalk PO Box 756 Newcastle 2300.
Albert Einstein had a complicated love life but showed himself to be a romantic at heart when in the 1920s, he said, “How on earth are you ever to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” I’m not about to debate any of Einstein’s scientific assertions. Still, we can confidently say that researchers have developed a better understanding of the neuroscience behind love in the century since those exclamations. That is, how those first heady feelings of falling in love, and the longer-term journey from passionate to compassionate love, are linked to brain functions. Studies using scans to investigate which areas of the brain light up when thinking about a loved one reveal that love stimulates activity in particular regions of the brain (the ventral tegmental area), rich with feel-good neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that your nerve cells, or neurons, use to talk to each other. They boost and balance our brain signals, helping to manage automatic processes like breathing and heart rate and the psychological processes of learning, regulating mood, fear, pleasure, and happiness. Dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin are neurotransmitters generally associated with the first stages of love: f Dopamine causes feelings of exhilaration, gives people extra energy, focuses their attention, and makes them want rewards. Being love-struck releases high levels of dopamine, which activates the reward circuit, helping to make love a pleasurable experience, like the euphoria associated with the
use of cocaine or alcohol. Dopamine can also create a sense of novelty – which could help to explain how new love seems exciting and special.
include; trust, gazing, empathy, positive relationship memories, fidelity, positive communication, processing and bonding cues.
f Norepinephrine is released in response to “stress” associated with these initial sparks, and as this affects other organs in the body, norepinephrine is also known as a stress hormone. The release of this stress hormone is associated with an energy surge, racing heart, loss of appetite or sleeplessness.
f Vasopressin has been linked with mate guarding and pair bonding.
f As stress hormones increase, serotonin levels deplete. Low serotonin levels precipitate what Schwartz, Associate Professor of Psychiatry, describes as the “intrusive, maddeningly preoccupying thoughts, hopes, terrors of early love” – the obsessivecompulsive behaviours associated with infatuation.
The truth is, love is far more complex than this, and we still have a lot to learn before we fully understand how love is initiated and then sustained. And let’s face it – factual scientific explanations and emerging research will never carry the same level of interest as magical fairy tale conceptualisations of love.
While dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin encourage the initial attraction, dopamine decreases somewhere between one to four years, cortisol and serotonin levels return to normal, and the rollercoaster of emotions calms down. This is where the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin come into play to establish attachment, so where the throes of initial passion wear off, a longer-term loving relationship might grow. Oxytocin and vasopressin have many behavioural and physiological functions, some of which are associated with our warm and fuzzy feelings and a desire to pair up. f Oxytocin is a hormone associated with sexual activity, childbirth and breastfeeding. A 2013 literature review summarised possible relationship enhancing effects of oxytocin to
This overview provides a simplified insight into how our stimulated neurotransmitters and racing hormones interact with our brain and body to create and perpetuate feelings of love.
So poets, romantics and believers, fear not; great writers have waxed lyrical on the nuances of love throughout the ages, and it’s highly likely they will continue to be drawn to the subject, regardless of what advances continue to be made in the neuroscience.
W W W. M N N E W S . T O D AY / A U R O R A
21
Dangerous love FR ANDREW DOOHAN
Person A meets Person B in some unexpected way, and they quickly fall in love, start planning a life together, and enjoy the happiness that comes from having found ‘the one’. Then something goes wrong. Either of them makes a mistake, either is offered a job far away from the other, an ‘old flame’ suddenly makes a reappearance. It can be anything, but whatever ‘it’ is, the two persons are thrown into a spin, are no longer happy, and start to drift apart. And then, at some point and for some other reason, Person A and Person B realise that they do, in fact, love each other. So there’s a great reconciliation, and everything is ‘perfect’ again. Such a scenario, or some variation thereof, could be the plotline of a great Hollywood rom-com blockbuster. Yet often, the understanding of love found in such Hollywood productions is what I might call “Love lite”. I like to remind couples whose wedding I am celebrating, that the Hollywood version of love is radically different to the Christian understanding of love. I also remind them that what they are about to confirm to each other, their family and friends, and the whole community, that they are prepared to embrace the dangerous act of loving each other. Love might not often be considered dangerous, yet the Christian sense of love – and more importantly, the act of
loving – requires a preparedness to seek the good of the other, the one we profess to love, simply because they are who they are.
stay at home where possible, check in to places when we visit them, and many other elements of the restrictions we currently face.
Loving someone means that we do not use them for our own good, for our own benefit, but rather seek to enable them to have a full life and become all that they might become.
Yes, they are an imposition. Yes, they are a burden. Yes, they are less than ideal. Yet we live with them because ultimately, it’s only by doing so that we can show our love for others as we are called to do. We live with them, too, because by doing so together, we will eventually emerge from the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
Loving someone from a Christian perspective means that we must recognise the other has been created in the image and likeness of God, just as we have been. And such recognition means there may be a requirement for us not to prioritise our own wants and needs, if doing so might impinge on the other’s ability to flourish as a human being. In other words, the act of loving requires an openness to the possibility of sacrifice. Hence the danger. In recent months, Pope Francis has reminded us of the nature of Christian love in his encouragement for all people to receive vaccinations during the ongoing COVID pandemic. Pope Francis reminds us that getting vaccinated is not about me but rather about those around me – my family, friends, community, and those I supposedly love.
Embracing the call of Christian love demands that we are actively engaged with those around us all the time, not just during the COVID pandemic. It is a fundamental approach to how we live our lives, the way we call to live and act whenever we interact with others. In this edition of Aurora, there are some wonderfully inspiring stories about love, about how individuals and communities have loved, and what love means to people in our diocese. I can only hope that reading these stories and seeing how people have given expression to the act of loving inspires us all to more readily embrace the call to the dangerous act of loving others. Fr Andrew is the Vicar General of the Catholic Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle.
The same could be said about the need to wear a mask,
COMMUNITY NOTICEBOARD Parishes in Harmony with Creation
•
You are invited to our Diocese’s upcoming Parishes in Harmony with Creation online event.
an overview of the Catholic Earthcare Parishes option and other resources;
•
an introduction to the Diocesan Environmental Sustainability Manager; and,
•
a small group discussion of the hopes and challenges of developing Parishes in Harmony with Creation
The presentation and discussion will explore how parishes can best respond to Pope Francis’ 2015 encyclical Laudato si’: On Care For Our Common Home. This is in light of the Vatican releasing resources for its Laudato si’ Action Platform on 4 October.
Date: Wednesday, 6 October 2021
The Parishes in Harmony with Creation session will include:
Times: 10am-11am; 7pm-8pm
•
a brief overview of the main teaching in Laudato si’;
RSVP: www.eventbrite.com.au/e/parishes-in-harmonywith-creation-tickets-169193336825
•
an overview of the Laudato si’ Action Platform;
God speaks to us through the words of the Gospel and then through artists’ images of the Gospel message. You are invited to connect and pray with each other across the Diocese from your own home. Join us each Wednesday 5pm-5.45pm. Zoom link: https://mncatholic.zoom. us/j/96144217758 Password: pray
KEY DATES
Download the Diocese app For the latest news and events in our Diocese.
Praying the Gospels
4 October – Labour Day
For more events, please visit mn.catholic.org.au
4 October – Feast of St Francis of Assisi 15 October – Feast of St Teresa of Jesus 17-23 October – Anti Poverty Week 18 October – Feast of St Luke
22
Book talk
I first read this practical, easy to follow book early in my marriage. At that time, I was first carving out a career as a marriage and relationship educator. It was then, as I flipped through the pages, I had so many 'light-bulb’ moments.
The 5 Love Languages DR GARY CHAPMAN REVIEW BY ROBYN DONNELLY Falling in love can be easy. However, it’s staying in love that can prove most challenging. There is a book that can help anyone seeking relationships in their life to flourish. The 5 Love Languages, written by Dr Gary Chapman, was first published almost three decades ago. Despite this, it remains on the No. 1 New York Time Bestseller list.
Food talk Rice paper rolls
A U R O R A C AT H O L I C D I O C E S E O F M A I T L A N D - N E W C A S T L E
Dr Chapman’s research, explained in simple to understand terms, provides advice on showing and receiving love. In the book, he explains five ways that a person can express love, including through quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service and gifts. Understanding how you and your partner express love, will assist you to experience more profound levels of intimacy and a better connection. The book includes the Couple’s Personal Profile assessment so you can discover your love language and that of your loved ones. However, you can also go online to www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/lovelanguage to undertake the quiz without purchasing the book. I have re-visited this book many times over the years and strongly recommend it to couples who participate in the diocese’s marriage and relationship and education
sessions. It makes so much sense about what occurs during relationships and why emotional banks become drained. And while we know romantic love is a significant love, there are many other types of relationships in our lives. Following the success of his first book in this series, Dr Chapman has since gone on to publish several more Love Languages books, to suit various needs. They include The Five Love Languages for Singles; of Children; the Men's Edition; and, of Apology. If, after reading any of Dr Chapman’s books, you would like some advice on how to apply the love languages to relationships in your life – or perhaps even before you begin to turn the pages – you are welcome to contact me. M 0412 637 090 or email robyn.donnelly@mn.catholic.org.au. Review by Robyn Donnelly, coordinator of marriage and relationship education in the Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle.
Roll up, roll up, it’s family time As the 2021 COVID-19 stay-athome orders came into place, the Diocese’s family ministry coordinators developed ways to encourage families to purposefully remain connected with each other, and other families in the community. It was following this that the @HOME series began, which started also with the Family Sleepout and includes the
Family Dinner Project and Movie Night. Families are invited to share photos from their time together, and recommend their favourite recipes, movies and at-home camping ideas with others for inspiration. Deb Hawthorne, principal at Holy Cross Primary School, Glendale said that the @HOME series, including the Family
Dinner Project, had inspired many in their school community to spend quality time together, in ways they may not have considered. “The sharing of meals is an important part of our Catholic faith and as such, the emphasis on this aspect of the project made it very special.”
Method
These filling ingredients are flexible. For example, you can use carrot instead of cucumber, or extra cabbage in place of the lettuce.
1. Soak the thin rice noodles according to the instructions on the packet. Put to them to the side to cool.
Thin rice noodles
•
Large sheets of rice paper
•
Butter or iceberg lettuce (keep in leaf form)
•
Red cabbage (shredded)
•
Carrot (grated)
•
Cucumber (cut thinly)
•
Green onion, coriander and mint (chopped)
•
Protein eg. tofu, chicken, prawns etc. if desired (small pieces)
Below is a favourite recipe of one of Holy Cross’ families, the Bui’s, which they shared with their school community as part of the Family Dinner Project.
“Holy Cross is blessed to have a broad multicultural
Ingredients
•
community with families who willingly share their cultural heritage and traditions.”
2. Soak rice paper sheets according to the instructions on the packet. 3. Place a few pieces of lettuce about one-third from the bottom of the rice paper. The width of your fillings will determine the width of the roll. Leave a couple of inches open on the two sides for wrapping purposes.
4. Then, add the remaining ingredients, starting with the noodles. 5. Gently pull the bottom of the wrapper up and over the lower portion of the filling. Try to keep the fillings compact as you roll upwards, just until the fillings are covered. 6. Pull each side over to enclose the filling. Continue wrapping upward until your rice paper roll is fully wrapped!
Come home to Calvary.
Retirement Living
Residential Aged Care
Respite Care
Join one of our close-knit communities and experience quality care. We pride ourselves on offering quality independent retirement living and residential aged care.
1800 222 000 | www.calvaryretirement.org.au
I love St Nick’s
Enrol now for 2022
stnicholasmn.org.au