How to confront a friend

Gabriella, local therapist, says: ‘Write down your feelings, explain in deep details what you feel. If that friend is a good friend, they will be open to discuss and share the other side of the story. If not, you are saving yourself from an energy vampire.’

Remember the four rules of confrontation

If you’re feeling nervous about the conversation, then use theses four different things to remember when dealing with conflict or confrontation:

Calmness – don’t shout or rant.

Listen and give eye contact. Explain your feelings and why you feel hurt.

Give specific examples of how they have treated you and the feelings.

This rule-of four is a good guideline to follow when having any difficult chat.

Try not to be aggressive

Confronting someone about their actions doesn’t need to be aggressive. If it is, it can make the person on the receiving end extra defensive.

A local Life coach wrote: ‘When you approach the situation, try not to be confrontational. ‘A lot of this depends on how much you value the relationship. If you have been friends for years, then it is worth recovering it and clearing the air. If it is someone that you don’t know that well, then it may be a random thing that they do sometimes.’ Whatever the situation, if you remain calm and collected, it’ll be much easier to have a more open and honest chat.

Don’t forget to listen

Dr Becky Spelman, a local psychologist and clinical director of therapy Clinic, added that once you’ve got your problems off your chest, it’s vital to take a break from speaking and to simply listen. She says: ‘See how your friend responds to your concerns. If their emotions are heightened and they respond angrily or defensively, it may be that they need time and space to resolve whatever issues they have. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the friendship is over, but you do need to give them that opportunity to deal with their problems alone, if that’s what they wish. ‘Alternatively, if they admit the friendship needs work and are willing to talk things through, you have a great basis of honesty on which to go on and continue to build a long-lasting friendship.’

Think about their character

We all behave badly sometimes and often this can come when we aren’t feeling good about ourselves.

So it’s important to consider that a friend might have let us down because they are having a difficult time themselves. Rather than go in all guns blazing, try to find out whether your friend is going through a tough time – which might explain their behaviour.

Dr Becky Spelman adds: ‘Start off the conversation gently by asking them how they’ve been lately and whether anything has been troubling them. This gives your friend an opportunity to explain, so you can see if they’re aware of how they’ve been behaving and whether or not there’s anything behind it. ‘Listen carefully to what they have to say and offer your support if there is a problem in your friend’s life.

‘Once they’ve got it off their chest, you can then bring up your concern about the friendship. ‘Emphasise that you’re only bringing it up because you are concerned about your friend, care about the relationship and want to be there for them.’

Another round-up of local news from your hardworking Lib Dem team

Langton Court Bridge update

Local councillors have received the results of the consultation

undertaken between December and February, asking for opinions on closing Langton Court Bridge to motor vehicles and what people’s priorities are. In summary:

• 55% were against closing the bridge and 40% were in favour

• Narrow footways were identified as a problem by 57% of respondents, with 51% seeing it as a priority We’ve written back asking council officers to try to speed up plans for a safe pedestrian crossing by St. Anne’s Infants School, something we were promised at the beginning of 2019 following our successful petition.

Marina and Friends to close

Many local residents would have been saddened to learn that Marina and Friends Fundraisers have decided to shut up shop on Sandy Park Road after 18 years and more than £215,000 raised for the Society for Mucopolysaccharide Diseases:

www.mpssociety.org.uk

According to assistant, Sabine, the shop will be open for a few more days this week so pop in and grab a bargain. Thank you Marina and Friends for everything you’ve done over the years and especially your colossal fundraising efforts. You will be missed.

• Making it easier to cross the road was also a priority (59%), as was maintaining vehicle access (51%)

This means the proposed bridge closure to motor vehicles will not now go ahead. Council officers will work on revised options that address these priorities, which will be followed by another consultation and a final decision on what to implement.

EU Settlement Scheme

The deadline for EU nationals to apply to the EU Settlement Scheme is fast approaching, on 30 June. EU citizens must apply for the EU Settlement Scheme if they want to continue living in the UK after June 2021, even if they have lived in the UK most of their lives.

EU nationals who have lived continuously in the UK for five years or more should be entitled to settled status, meaning they are free to go on living in the UK indefinitely. If those needing to apply miss the deadline, they may lose their existing rights, like living and working here, access to free health care, and benefits. If you have any EU family, friends or neighbours, can you please remind them to register as soon as possible.

You can find out more about the scheme and where residents can find help at:

https://www.bristol.gov.uk/EUSettlement

The Colston statue: What next?

Last week saw the opening of a new exhibition at the M Shed, The Colston statue: What next? - nearly a year to the day since it was removed during protests in the centre of Bristol. The exhibition includes a survey with Bristol residents, drafted by the city’s History Commission, to discuss and debate what should happen next with the statue. The statue lies alongside a selection of placards from the Black Lives Matter protest of that day, as well as a timeline of key events. An online version of the display and survey is available for people who may be unable to visit in person. Early results show a big majority in favour of a permanent exhibition at the M Shed:

https://www.bristolmuseums.org.uk/m-shed/ whats-on/the-colston-statue-what-next/

By Jos Clark, Liberal Democrat Councillor (Brislington West) Email: cllr.jos.clark@bristol.gov.uk Mobile: 07584 370429 & Andrew Varney, Liberal Democrat Councillor (Brislington West) Email: cllr.andrew. varney@bristol.gov.uk Mobile: 07584 183381 43