Steph Taylor shares her experiences as a gay, disabled young woman

My life changed drastically when I moved from Bedfordshire to Cheshire, because everything started to revolve around two things: my disability, and my sexuality. This is how I found my place.

I’m Steph Taylor, a 24 year old with a recent first-class degree in digital photography with radio production. I have two disabilities, Sacral Agenesis, a rare disorder, which means I am missing my Sacrum and Coccyx and I am diagnosed with Hypermobility Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) which revolves around my connective tissue and the lack of collagen in the skin. This causes dislocations and bendy joints which has an affect on my skin, ligaments, tendons and blood vessels.

Growing up I was not only battling with my disability, but I was also internally battling who I was. Coming from a Catholic family and being brought up Catholic, I attended church and had to listen to the priest talk about what was considered ‘wrong’ and ‘against beliefs’. My family were open (my grandparents best friends were gay), and I didn’t think that being attracted to my best friend, who happened to be a girl, was a bad thing – but I did know that I had to keep it secret. I found myself in year six of primary school having a cheeky kiss with my best friend and were caught. I found myself desperately trying to talk what they witnessed into something else because I knew I would be expelled and in serious trouble. I knew from that moment on I had to keep who I was quiet, so I expressed how ‘fit’ I thought all the boys were. However, pretending over time only made me believe I was bisexual. My family, who knew I was bisexual from 11 years old, were nothing but supportive.

Apart from the hiccup at school, my life being part of LGBTQIA+ was a happier story than most people’s. It might have started off rocky, but I never had to do the big coming out announcement. I made it pretty obvious by commenting how much I fancied girls on TV, and I never really had to think about how people might perceive and treat me differently because of my sexuality.

I was already used to dealing with this because of my disability, so sexuality never came into it. It wasn’t until I moved up North and started college that I suddenly realised I could become subject to homophobia and unfortunately, I was subject to hate crime. In fact, it was my best friend at the time, at the end of my first year at college, she attacked, not only my sexuality, but my disability too.

Thankfully, I had my cousin, Jaymi Hensley of Union J and X Factor, to help with advice as he had publicly came out to fans. His coming out story helped so many fans come out and feel confident in themselves and their sexuality. It was a beautiful thing to watch. Secretly he helped me too; he helped me confirm some things that were happening in my head.

At the time I was dating a boy. I didn’t feel comfortable at all and it opened my eyes to my sexuality. I had a sneaky suspicion for a while I might be lesbian but I needed it confirming. My mum was an absolute rock during that time. She sat down and let me talk through my feelings, she supported me and told me it was ok to be whoever I wanted to be. It was because of her that I knew I had to come out properly to everyone. It was a big, scary moment – but also exciting. I then came out to everyone on Facebook, which was quite scary because you’re not always going to get the reception you hoped for. You’re suddenly putting yourself in a world of hate crime and people that don’t want to know you.

But in fact, people were so supportive. I surrounded myself with people that matter, and I thought, ‘this is my story to tell.’ I then joined an LGBTQIA+ youth group called Utopia, a safe and supportive place where I could really be myself and share my story with others and use my privilege of having a supportive family and a happy coming out story to help others who weren’t so fortunate as me; I became their support bubble and family.

My time since starting university has been incredible, albeit challenging at times. I’m really content with my sexuality. I joined an LGBTQIA+ society at university and I was surrounded by many other LGBTQIA+ students which made me feel part of a community and family. I no longer felt like the odd one out or feared hate crime. I felt safe.

Sometimes I do feel like a minority. Being disabled, female and gay puts me in three categories that are subject to different types of hate crime. Even though that can be scary it makes me want to be more expressive of who I am. It has taken 24 years to finally get to the point where I’m ready to express how I envision myself in my head. Before graduation, I decided to get half my head shaved and try out different clothes styles. I now have piercings and tattoos. I’ve realised that you’re never too old to find your true self and express yourself the way you’ve always wanted to.

I understand that a positive outcome cannot happen for everyone so I want to share some advice that might help. There is always going to be someone out there, whether they’re your friend or a professional or even someone who you don’t know, who accepts you and is going to be there for you. There are safe places everywhere, whether

that be youth and adult groups, cafés or clubs. A lot of these places have trained professionals that can be your support person and help you with your journey, taking the stress and pressure off you and giving you someone to talk to when you need it.

There are also sports clubs that are safe spaces, for example, I am the vice-captain of a club called Cheshire Phoenix Wheelchair Basketball club based in Ellesmere Port. Within our group, and the sport in general, there is an incredible number of gay women alongside many other people in the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s a fantastic, inclusive sport, and at our club we have anyone and everyone. We are a safe place and are very mental health orientated.

I wouldn’t want to end without mentioning how Kidz to Adultz North exhibition in Manchester really changed my life. A few years before the pandemic, I went and bumped into Cherylee Houston (known for portraying Izzy in Coronation Street). After fangirling, we got talking and I was invited to attend DANC (Disabled Artists Networking Community). I jumped at the chance and ever since then I have been involved by taking photos of events and attending their meet ups and webinars. I have met so many incredible people and have been given so many amazing opportunities that I really owe the event so much for creating a place where these types of situations can happen.

There will always be people out there who don’t agree with who you are, and who want to verbally attack you because they think they’re more important than you. Those nasty people will always be outnumbered by people who will love how you look and will want to big you up and give you confidence. Unfortunately those ideas will never disappear, so it might feel that there will never be a right time to do what you want – so my advice is to jump into the deep end, dye your hair the colour you want, try that hairstyle you’ve been thinking about, and buy that item of clothing you’ve been too self-conscious to wear!