Overcomers- stories of survivors (on-line magazine)

Divine Connections Magazine “Helping Businesses Connect to their potential “ Volume 2 * Issue 4 * JulyJuly-August 2011 WELCOME TO REAL STORIES….

TESTIMONIES

ENTREPRENUERS

HIV/AIDS

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AUTHORS

SINGLE WOMEN

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You are now entering In this issue you will be

into Divine Inspiration inspired by stories of survivors.

Sing with me, “ I got a testimony, I can truly say that I’ve been blessed, I got a testimony” Well, I guess it would be appropriate for me to begin since I am the CEO of Divine Connections. God has really blessed me since I was a child. One of the 1st miracles I was told was when I was 3years old. I was at home walking around in the kitchen and I looked up, saw a pan and reached for it and pulled down a pan of hot boiling water. I screamed and screamed, my mother came running. As the scalding water covered me my skin just started rolling off. My mother tried to pick me up and she could not because my skin would just roll off. I was rushed to the hospital and stayed there for a week. God completely healed my body , my skin came back and I was back at home a week later running around again. To God Be the Glory. I have one scar on my left arm as a reminder. But as you look at me today you can’t even tell.

My second major miracle was last year, God blessed me with a house that was built ground up and oh what peace I have with my home. I got really busy so I did not prepare to do the house warming until 2 years after I moved in. Well my mother came on a Friday night to help me prepare for my company but something happened.

My mother drove up the driveway and we hugged and she started to take things she had brought from home out of the car. I sat down in my big chair and said ok mom I’ll help you in a minute. She said ok and started taking things out her car. She came in and I was sitting in the chair and she said what’s wrong. I said nothing I am going to help you in a minute. Really, I was in pain and I didn't want to tell her because I really couldn’t move because I was in so much pain. So, I tried to get myself together but the pain was so overwhelming I couldn’t get myself together.

She said, no, something ain’t right we are going to the hospital now. We got to the hospital and she pleaded to the nurse something is wrong with my daughter. They got me in a room and did some test and then told me and my mother that I needed surgery. I said ok, well give me a date and see if I can come back later and take care of this.

Then, the nurse said we have to do surgery now. I said what, I didn’t have time to ask a lot of questions so they got me to the surgery room immediately. But, I did ask how long is this going to take and how long will I be out.

She said 6 weeks and my first thought was how am I going to take care of my bills. My, mother said don’t you worry about that just let them do what they need to do. Well they did surgery and I came out with flying colors.

My mother, sister, and family were praying. So, when I came to I told the nurse all I need is a cheeseburger and $10,000 and I’ll be good. Everyone laughed and said yea she alright. What ended up happening is that I had a dermoid cyst and it had twisted 6 times and started growing hair and teeth. I had to do surgery that day because it was cutting off my circulation and I was dying. I had no idea. But, I serve a God who said I shall live and not die to declare the works of the Lord. That’s why my life and my business Divine Connections is so precious to me.

They had to take out my right ovary and my right fallopian tube. So I still have my left ovary and left fallopian tube and I can still have children because you only need one of each to produce. Also, the nurse said it was not cancerous so that was another blessing. So, I am alive and well and ain’t nobody mad but the Devil. I have never been the kind of person to go do the doctor and I’ve been like that since I was young saying I will never do any surgery because it’s so risky. I was a whole woman that was already healed I just had to go through the process.

My faith made me whole. Thank you Jesus. That’s my story and I am sticking to it. This is Deloris Williams your CEO of Divine Connections. Thank you family, church, and love ones for your prayers. I never missed a bill.

If you were blessed and encouraged hit me up on face book or email me at ioverflow@gmail.com.

Keep reading and there are more stories that will bless your heart. Thank you for being a reader of Divine Connections.

4. “Sing With Me” 6. Living with HIV

23. The Couple

10. Even a Wretch Like Me

24. Sex: Abuse to Purity

13. Mom Ministries

25. Shake Rattle & Roll

15. Letters to Cali Pearl

26. Taking out the Garbage

17. Tawana Williams

27. Mariah Faison

19. RL tha Gifted One

28. Array of Events

20. 40+ & FABULOUS

29. Lady D Promotions

22. Pink 4 Chee

31. Repairing the Breach 34. Footsteps to Follow 36. Tips for Single women 37. More letters to Cali Pearl 38. Home Mart NC 39. Divine Connections on TV

What the enemy meant for bad God turned around for good!! I am a 39 year “young” single woman from Philadelphia Pa. I have lived in North Carolina for 14 years now and in 2001 I was very active in the church I attended at the time and building a relationship with God. In July 2001, my children and I went back to my home town, Philadelphia, for a family reunion. While there I decided to take my children to see all the places I lived, hung out at, and my old schools. I then contacted some old friends and decided to go see them. One of my friends was an old boyfriend I had in high school when I was about 14 years old. Throughout the years we stayed in contact with each other but covered our mutual feelings because we were both in relationships with other people. For about 9 years we didn’t have contact because I moved from Philadelphia, so when we met up again, we were both single and still had feelings for one another. On July 3, 2001 we sat up and talked for hours like we did when we were teens enjoying each other’s company but then I had to leave July 5th to go back to North Carolina so I spent a few hours with him before I left. We missed each other so much that we didn’t want to depart but we exchanged telephone numbers and stayed in touch even once I got back to North Carolina. We stayed on the phone as much as we could fit in and wrote each other letters each week. I had been practicing abstinence for at least 2 years so I was a little skeptical about being with anyone until the Lord revealed to me when it was time to marry. I was so in love with him that I went by my heart and my flesh instead of the Spirit. Less than a month went by and he told me that he still loved me as much as he did when we were teenagers and he wanted to marry me. He said he wanted to move to N.C. so he did so in August of 2001. Yes I know that was fast. It was so exciting and we were so in love with one another it was like a fairytale.

He and I discussed when we should get married, he wanted to do it right away at the justice of peace but I wanted an actual wedding so we planned it for that next year in February 2002. We were going to get married on Valentine’s Day but I told him it wasn’t a good idea so he chose February 18th which is my birthday but it was on a weekday so we made a final decision on February 23rd which was that Saturday. During the end of August I got sick with strep but this time it was so severe that I lost 20lbs and it lasted for about 2 weeks. I knew that it was more than strep because I was used to having it each year because I needed my tonsils out, but this time it was worse than ever. I was also used to getting a checkup every 6 months and when I went before I got with my fiancé all of test results were negative. During the time I was sick he was very heartless to me telling me that I was faking and needed to stop trying to get attention. His behavior bothered me because I was so used to him being so loving toward me. Once I got well and recovered from the strep I noticed that the lymph nodes in my neck were swollen and they began to hurt so I researched on the internet and discovered information about Lymphoma cancer. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and told them I wanted a biopsy of my swollen lymph nodes. My appointment was December 13, 2001 at 10am, when I was called in one of the rooms the nurse didn’t say anything to me she just opened my folder and pointed. There were the words in red letters “HIV Positive”. I began to scream and holler “NO!” I was crying uncontrollably and wanted to leave and drive away but they wouldn’t let me. That isn’t what I went to the doctors for that day, I went for a biopsy. They had test results from a few weeks before I got sick that I never went back for.

I told them to call my fiancé and have him come to the clinic but when they called there was no answer. I tried leaving messages as well as the nurses for at least 1 hour. I knew he should have been there to answer the phone because he didn’t know anyone and didn’t have a job yet. I then had them call my stepmother because I needed someone to be there with me. She got there right after my fiancé did. When he did arrive at the clinic he came in the room and saw me crying, he asked what was wrong and I told him my test results came back positive. He said “Oh no!! Baby I am so sorry, it’s okay we’ll get through this.” He thought I meant I had cancer. I told him, “No I am HIV positive!” He then got a little quiet and said,” oh no…” Just then the doctor came in and wanted to talk to me but I was still crying like crazy. My fiancé then told me in a stern voice to be quiet and listen to the doctor. I kind of cut my eye at him as to say, “How can I after hearing this news.” The doctor told me what I needed to do next but allowed my step mom to come in to talk with me. When I told her she just cried with me and held me then said, “I asked your fiancé and he said he didn’t know what was wrong with you when I asked him! He lied!!” I just continued to cry. Lots of things were going through my mind like, where did I get it from? Who did I infect?

Will he still want to marry me? I was thinking that I got it from my daughter’s father because I had been with him from the age of 15 until I was at least 25 years old and the virus could have been there for that long. The doctor told me that they couldn’t give me an exact date but with new technology they could tell that I just recently contracted it within 6 months. I told them that I had been practicing abstinence for almost 2 years and with that I knew it came from my fiancé.

After the counseling session to understand my lab work, getting referrals, and then giving information about the men I had been sexually active with last, my fiancé got tested and we left the office. That was a miserable day for me then I had to tell my dad when he came over. Boy was that so hard. My children were not around so they didn’t know yet. My parents were very angry but still supported me. They both felt like he did this to me and knew he was infected and didn’t tell me but I loved him so much and felt that he loved me enough that he wouldn’t do something like that to me…not knowingly. In January 2002, he got his test results back and when I asked him what his cd4 count was (T-Helper Cells), he told me that it was 500 something. I told him to be sure to get his paperwork so that he can keep track of his labs every time he went to the doctors. The day he got his test results I had a feeling he was lying about his labs so I got a chance to see his actual CD4 without him knowing and the lab work said that it was 150!! The doctor told me during my counseling session that a CD4 of 200 or less was AIDS but when I saw my fiancé’s CD4 I still didn’t believe it. I was in denial for a while because AIDS to me meant that he would die soon and I also knew that depending on a person’s immune system they could get AIDS quick and die. Then one day as I was reading up on cd4’s and viral loads, I began to accept that he had AIDS and there was no way that he could not have known that he was infected.

We had already sent out wedding invitations and the wedding plans were in full affect. I was so depressed and had even stopped going to church especially because during the time I was sick only 2 people from the church called to check up on me. My church at that time was a real family to me before I got involved with my fiancé and I felt that I lost them when he and I got together. Initially I didn’t feel that I was going to die and my life was over but I was more afraid of going through life living with HIV. I was afraid that I wasn’t going to be around to take care of my children or either someone was going to have to take care of me until I died. I had so many questions to ask him but he always shut down when I started to ask.

As my curiosity grew, his wall got bigger and then we started to argue. I would ask him if he knew where he got it and didn’t he want to know but the arguments got worse. I didn’t want my children to hear us arguing because they didn’t know, so I began to do all I could to keep down the arguments, even if that meant not getting answers. As the wedding date grew near I was still depressed. I felt that I had to marry him because no one was going to want me anyway because I was “dirty” now, tainted, and infected with a disease that will never go away, “The HIV Girl”. My step mother and my father didn’t want me to marry him and they were the only ones in my family that knew about our diagnosis but they still supported my decision. I tried to pray and could even hear God tell me not to marry him but I did any way because I didn’t want to be alone. The busyness from planning the wedding kept my mind off of it but there were still nights that I would wake up crying because of the thought of living with this disease. I would think about how I was always so careful to use condoms or to say no in past relationships but when I got with the man I knew I was going to marry I didn’t use condoms, I just didn’t THINK that I had to. I even asked him if he was “clean” and if he had been tested he said yes and I told him I was too and every time I got tested my tests were negative. He agreed his were the same… and I believed him. As I walked down the aisle I knew marrying this man was the wrong thing to do but still the little voice in my head said, “no one will ever want you and at least u can die together”.

After the wedding things got really bad for my children and I with my new husband there, he was verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive. I went further into depression and my children started to get depressed and were unhappy. I hated myself for even allowing my family to suffer because of a man. I hated who I was because I was ‘infected and dirty’. I tried to do things to keep my mind off of the fact that I had this virus in my body but it never helped. I started washing constantly even though I knew I couldn’t wash it away. I lost contact with God and couldn’t talk to Him like I used to. My father would tear up every time he saw me which of course made me very uncomfortable. I always felt like someone was looking at me and knew that I was ‘tainted’; boy was it hard to deal with. Things got worse at home for a while because my husband started to drink a lot, do drugs, and have other women call my house when they thought that I wasn’t home. I wanted so much to tell them that they needed to leave him alone because he had AIDS, but they would act like they had the wrong number or wouldn’t say anything at all. The more he drank the worse things got, one day he was really drunk and began accusing me of being unfaithful. I told him that I would never be unfaithful because he was my husband and “besides I have this disease in me that I got from you and I would never pass it to anyone else like you did me.” He said, “Yeah I did it, so what” and I told him that he said it as if he meant to do this to me.

With no regret he said, “Yeah I did, and so what.” I went crazy in my mind after hearing that, I couldn’t believe it!! I put him out and we got a separation. I also tried to get him investigated to see if I had a case against him but it failed because I didn’t have any proof documented that showed he got a positive test before me in Philadelphia. Then I set out a plan to kill him, and yes I was serious. Every day I would hear the “enemy” say, “Kill him!” I would also hear God say “Wait I got your back”. I couldn’t understand it until January 2004 I rededicated my life back to the Lord and got involved in a new church.

In May of 2004 I had to finally tell my children I was positive because I didn’t want them to find out from anyone else. That was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. They were so devastated and it was horrible to see them cry so hard. I had educated them a long time ago so what I was telling them wasn’t foreign. We got through it and it made us all closer. By the end of 2004 beginning of 2005 I forgave my ex-husband and that was the start of a new Me. I was totally healed from the hate and sadness that I once felt. God gave me the strength to forgive and healed me in the process and for that I continue to stand on my healing; Isaiah 53:5 Jesus was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon Him and by His stripes I am healed. I confessed that daily! It has been about 10 years now and I have never been on medication and my CD4 levels are great! I have spoken at local universities in Greensboro, public schools, churches, health events, have had interviews on FOX8 News, WFMY NEWS 2, WNAA 90.1, and BETs Wrap it Up Campaign just to name a few events. My desire is to continue to educate my community on prevention tactics from HIV/AIDS as well as other STDs/ STIs so that we all can live a healthy lifestyle. I pray that my testimony will encourage many people and help them to understand that HIV/AIDS is not a joke but is also not the end of your life; it is what you make of it. HIV/AIDS is you and me, there are many that are either infected or affected by this disease. Together we can help prevent the further spread with awareness. I can be found on facebook under Alicia Luv Lee Diggs or emailed at healedlee@gmail.com Thank you, Alicia Luv Lee Diggs June 2011

Marva J. Edwards knew all about challenges from a very young age, and what it took to overcome them. What she didn’t realize though, is that life would push her to a point where the surroundings no longer resembled that which she knew. Where reason did not reside, peace did not exist, and help was not recognized. The one person that was supposedly committed to her until death do they part, was trying to kill her. Marva couldn’t go to her pastor for help because he was, in fact, the man she married! She was not a weak person at all, but the fear for herself and her children zapped her strength. She knew that even though the physical pain was more than she could ever imagine enduring; she had to gather what was left long enough to save herself and her children. It was then that Marva knew that though she felt trapped, her spiritual faith would carry her, and she was Bound To Be Free again.

Marva has become a voice against domestic violence as she has been afforded the opportunity to speak at conferences, workshops, agencies, community centers, churches as well as other venues.

Marva has serves in the Pastorate for over ten years now in the city of Greensboro N.C. She has always had a passion for reaching out to others and helping them as she’s able to. Her greatest joy is her family and the work she continues to serve in ministry.

Marva is married and she has four children, two daughters and two sons respectfully. She has served as a community worker, chaired a Community Development Corporation for a number of years, she also performed some ground work for HIV testing. Most recently she has received training in the area of domestic violence with the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence as well as with the Sherri Denise Jackson Foundation for the Prevention of Domestic Violence.

MARVA’S OUTREACH MISSION-MINISTRIES (MOM-Ministries) is a ministry set forth to encourage, to empower and to help equip the whole man for christian and healthy living. We believe in the importance of family as a foundation of every aspect of our society. We are also a ministry prepared to cry loud against any form of maltreatment and abuse.

I knew many years ago after being free from domestic violence that I would write about my experience. I believe that our experiences both good and bad are the best tools we have to share with others what we have overcome, and how they can overcome. Experience has been a great teacher for me. As a result I believe in the power of prayer and shared hope and faith for healing and deliverance for others who may be bound in someway.

I think it is vitally important that while we are in the midst of struggles, we consider where we’re going rather than focusing on where we are. While confronted with domestic violence I knew that God had a greater plan for my life, although I couldn’t understand it at that time. Even now as my life continues to unfold, I’ve come to understand better what God has purposed for my life in helping other people, yet being mindful that it’s still unfolding!

I am available to speak at your school, civic organization, woman’s group or church about issues affecting the family, especially domestic violence, and I’m excited about my book Bound To Be Free. So please visit the Contact Us page and send me a message on how I can serve you or your organization. It gives me a freedom for myself and the opportunity to be a voice for so many who may not have a voice of their own or may need encouragement to reclaim or find their God given voice!

Dear Cali Pearl, I’m not the kind of guy who looks for advice. I’ve been on my own for a long time. I take care of myself and my family and I know how to take charge and make things happen.

I’ve got some really good kids and I’m proud of them. They’re smart and make good grades in school. I do everything I can to make sure they have what they need.

I never had anybody in my life to teach me about money. I was fortunate to get out of high school and find a good job and I’ve been working the same job ever since. I have saved some money at work and I have money saved in the bank. I mean, I’m not a millionaire but I’m doing okay.

I want to teach my kids the value of saving and having their own mutual funds one day. Is there any advice you can give me to give to them?

First of all let me commend you for being such an active participant in your children’s lives. Wanting to provide them with an education in personal finance (money and investments) is a wonderful idea and something that more parents should try. In my opinion, it’s never too early to start talking about money.

Below are five (5) steps that will get you off to a good start. Consider implementing them in your everyday life as well. If you can incorporate this type of dialogue in your daily conversations, your life and your future will change dramatically.

1.

Change your money talk. Many times I hear parents and other adults say to their kids, “We don’t have any money” or “We can’t afford that”. Unfortunately we fail to realize the seeds of inadequacy and poverty that we’re sowing into our children’s lives as well as into our own current realities. If we continue to say “we don’t have money” or “we’re poor”, then we’re admitting defeat and subjecting ourselves to living the rest of our lives “poor”. If we change our view and start admitting that the choices that we make about how we spend our money is poor, we will no longer be subject to living lives of poverty. Focus on making better choices with your money and be more mindful of what you say and why you’re saying it and watch how your life changes. So instead of saying, “We can’t afford that” say “I’m choosing not to buy that today.” Young people need to hear that we are making conscious money decisions. And being more mindful of what you’re doing with your money will inevitably lead to better decisions and hopefully money to do the things you want to do.

2.

Be open about your household financial situation. One of the biggest mistakes we make with our children is keeping a closed mouth when it comes to money. How are our children supposed to learn how to make money and how to spend money if we never talk about it? Be open with your kids about your work, how much money you make, and how you pay the bills. Prepare a household budget that you can share with them so they can see how much it costs to actually “live”. The nuances of being employed and having an income along with financial responsibilities is something that should be shared with our kids on a regular basis.

3.

Give them an allowance. Let me be clear about one thing: I don’t think any child should get an allowance based on good grades or performing chores around the house. Good grades and doing chores are activities they should do anyway so those two areas are not negotiable in the allowance discussion. Receiving an allowance is a privilege and is recommended for a couple of reasons: it gives your kid the feeling of what it’s like to have money on a regular basis and it provides a foundation for learning how to make responsible money decisions. Young people are told what to do on so many levels in their everyday lives (home, school, team sports, etc.); it’s important for them to learn what it’s like to make decisions on their own and an allowance will give them the foundation for learning. Instead of spending money as soon as they get it, which is what most young people do because they only get money in bits and spurts, they can now sit back and think about what they would like to have, and how to put money aside and save in order to get what they want. The goal of providing your kids with an allowance is to help them start thinking about how to make wise spending decisions.

4.

Teach them to save. That has to be a part of the deal if they are going to receive an allowance: 10% should go to church and 10% should go in a savings account at the bank. Children need to develop the discipline and habit of saving a portion of their “income” as early as possible.

5.

Teach the concept of resale and trade-in value. If your kids are like most kids in America, they want the latest computer games and other technological gadgets and as parents we know that these computer games are not cheap. So the next time you invest in an expensive piece of equipment, make sure the kids have some skin in the game. It would be a good idea for them to use some of their savings towards the purchase. It would also be a good idea to teach them how to take care of their games as well so when they’re tired of it or want an upgrade they can consider selling the equipment and using the proceeds from the sell towards their next purchase. I had a good friend say to me once, “only buy what you can sell” which means you’re investing in items that can provide you with some quick cash if you’re ever in a cash crunch.

Dear Cali Pearl, I got married about five years ago. My wife has a pretty decent job at the bank and I’ve been working for the county since we got married. I take care of the house payment and all the house bills and her car payment. I only ask that she take care of her own bills (student loans and credit cards) and the grocery bill. We have one son and I usually pay for his daycare bill.

I am able take care of my financial responsibilities and I have a little left over to do what I want to do. I don’t ask her for anything. Never have and hopefully never will. But when she runs out of gas or needs to go to the store she never has any money. And it always starts an argument when she asks me for anything because she has a good job and she hardly pays any bills and there’s no reason for me to have to come out of my pocket and give her any money when she should have enough.

My wife likes nice things and that really isn’t the problem. The problem is she looks at me like I’m stupid and like she doesn’t understand what I’m saying when I tell her she don’t need all this mess she comes home with: pocketbooks, clothes, shoes, etc. She’s only trying to impress her friends who ain’t got nothing themselves.

One of them drives a BMW 745 and was at the beauty shop the other day to tighten up her $600 weave and before she left the shop she had the nerve to ask my wife for some gas money. Evidently Ms. Weave didn’t have enough gas or money in her pocket to get home. What the heck is that about?

My wife is not saving any money? All she does is spend, spend, spend and I’m tired of it. I’m not her personal bank account and I’m feeling used and abused. And on top of that she acts like she can get an attitude and won’t have sex with me until I do what she says. People are always saying there’s not enough good men but when Black women find one they just use us up like we ain’t nothing. And if I leave then she’s going to try to jack me for child support and any other money she can get out of me. Am I being unreasonable or being played for a fool?

I can definitely understand your frustration with the situation. I would be out of my lane if I gave you relationship advice so I’ll just stick with the money issue.

I agree with you. Looking at your side of the story, it seems like your wife should have more than enough resources to take care of her bills, her household responsibilities and have enough left over for gas.

Now, with all of that said, I’d like to point out something else. You assume that she’s not saving anything. But, if she’s a money savvy diva, she should be putting some money aside for herself and your child in case anything ever happens to you or your relationship in general. She may be aware of the statistic that most (over 50%) first marriages end in divorce and she’s saving on the side for a rainy day. Maybe she’s also aware of the fact that 90% of women live in poverty after divorce and instead of subjecting herself to those circumstances, she’s planning ahead and just keeping it a secret from you.

On the other hand, if you’re right and she’s spending all of her money and has nothing to show for it but being fly, then she’s a fool. Cut your losses (LOL).

Tawana Williams Born without arms, Tawana Williams is a highly sought after Motivational Speaker and Author. She has a powerful and uplifting message for people of all walks of life. Her compelling story is one of triumph, perseverance, and determination. She has overcome many obstacles. Tawana was gang raped during a home invasion, raped by her step father, she was addicted to crack and cocaine for 10 years; she’s also experienced abortion and motherhood and has never let her disability stop her. Tawana has many gifts and accomplishments. She’s an author, an artist (she draws with her feet), an entrepreneur, poet, vocalist, wife, mother, mentor, and CEO of Tawana Williams Outreach, Inc. a non-profit organization. She became a professional speaker in 1996. Tawana is the Author of 4 books, “I’m Different, But I Can” a children’s book about being different, Motivation For The Soul-Move Or Be Moved, a collaborative book of amazing stories with Tawana and 17 of her Circle of friends. Her Best Seller “Unarmed But Dangerous,” The Tawana Williams story of relentless struggle and Ultimate Victory, and “Da-Bomb! SYSTEMS That Create A Wealthy Mind -Set,” a book full of systems, practical principals, steps and strategies that will change your life, and teach you how to get what you want; it was released in August 2010.

Tawana was a guest on the Jerry Springer Show in 1993 (Beating the Odds). In 2005, she was a guest on the Judge Hatchett Show, as a Mentor to a troubled teen. She’s had phone interviews with Oprah’s Producers, and The Montel Williams Show Producers. In 2007, Tawana and her husband Toby were featured in Homes of Color Magazine, Hope for Women Magazine, and Epitome Magazine. Tawana produced her own Radio Show that was syndicated in more than a million households in Memphis and Nashville, Tennessee. In January 2008, she and Toby were Guest on the world-wide Television broadcast TCT-ALIVE and The Kim Jacobs Talk Show on The WORD Network in March 2009. In March 2010, she was a guest on The Balancing Act on Lifetime TV. She received the True Servant Award at the Agape Awards Ceremony and is the Spokesperson for The AGAPE Awards Academy. Tawana has countless Awards, Accomplishments, Accolades and Certificates.

She was the Keynote Speaker in Omaha, Nebraska for the actor Mr. John Beasley. He starred in (The Sum of all Fears), (Losing Isaiah), and many other Movies. Tawana was a guest Speaker for Mr. Joe Dudley, Sr. (CEO of Dudley Hair Products and Dudley Cosmetology University) in Kernersville, North Carolina.

She was the Special Guest for World Renowned Motivational Speaker, Mr. Les Brown at the Speakers Network Training in Atlanta, Georgia. While there; she captured the minds and hearts of other Professional Speakers. She’s now a Les Brown Platinum Speaker, and has been under his leadership since 2005.

Tawana is Lobbying Congress for Family Assistant Rest Rooms (FARR) in all Airports throughout America. You can sign her petition at www.tawanawilliams.com Tawana Williams is an expert in Overcoming Adversities, and is teaching people all over the world how to live a “No Excuse Lifestyle” and her dream is to create and host her own Talk Show in the near future.

Her Book “Unarmed But Dangerous,” and other books are available at www.tawanawilliams.com To book Tawana Williams for your next event, Call Angela Young (301)883-8425 or (202)256-1834 www.tawanawilliams.com motivationalspeaker2003@yahoo.com

Rekindling the Love of Writing: The Adventures of a New Author

Growing up, I always thought I would be a writer. I vividly remember one Sunday afternoon, sitting down and entering one of those writing contests they always advertised in the insert of our Sunday paper. A few weeks later, I received a letter thanking me for my entry and telling me what a bright future I had in writing, but since I was too young to enter the contest, they asked me to please try again when I was older. I knew writing was in me; I was good at it, and it brought me joy. I always told my mom I was going to be the black Barbara Walters.

Along the way, life happens and it’s easy to get derailed from your true life’s purpose. The adults around you make recommendations about career choices and you find yourself following the path you think you should follow instead of the one you want to follow My story writing ended in 1981, with high school graduation. After that, writing was pretty much limited to college research papers followed by business letters in the workplace. Over time, that light that once burned so brightly becomes dimmer and dimmer and you find yourself sometimes wondering if the gift is still there.

Write a book! Who? Me? When my virtual assistant at the time, suggested I write a book I was immediately thrilled at the prospect. I thought it was a great idea, but could I do it? Should I do it? What would I write about?

I prayed about it before going to sleep that night, and God had given me an answer before I woke the next morning, 40+ and Fabulous. What an exciting concept. I was weeks from celebrating my 45th birthday; it was exactly how I felt and it was how I wanted other women to feel too.

Blind faith. Like most new authors, I didn’t know anything about writing a book and getting it published. I just dove into it headfirst with a lot of faith that by the end of the year, I would be a published author. Things were going well and I was surprised at the ease at which everything was flowing. And then “it” happened. My business took a dive under the strains of a weak economy, and I got sidetracked with just trying to survive from day to day.

When things get tough. It’s easy to abort a dream when you’re experiencing adversity, disappointments, and setbacks.

Every day, I tried to sweep this book as far under the rug as I could, and every day the unfinished business of it haunted me morning and night. On the days I tried to write, nothing would happen. I would sit and stare at it, and finally put it away. But day after day, there it was again, the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night. I finally talked myself into half-heartedly believing that I had given it all I could and it was okay to just walk away. After all, there is a quote of solace for people in this position, “It’s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.” So why wouldn’t it just go away and leave me alone?

Time is money! I was completely caught off guard when my husband sat down with me and asked when I was going to finish the book. I tried to get him to understand that I just couldn’t; the enthusiasm and excitement I once felt was gone. I began to see things differently when he asked if I realized that not finishing this book meant I would be throwing away all the time and energy I had invested in this project; time I could have invested elsewhere, and what a tremendous waste that would be.

Act yourself into feeling. If you want to know the joy of holding your book in your hand, you have to push through the pain. I remember talking to God and reminding Him that He was the one who had given me the vision for 40+ and Fabulous. I asked Him to please give me that passion back, so that I could finish the dream that He had placed in my heart. And before I could finish my prayer, I heard the answer, “Start writing again, and the passion will come.”

Sondra Wright is the author of 40+ and Fabulous: Moving Forward Fierce, Focused, and Full of Life!

Visit online at http://40plusandfabulous.com Connect on Facebook at http://facebook.com/40plusandfabulous Follow on Twitter at http://twitter.com/fortyplusandfab

PINK4 4CHEE

Breast Cancer Survivor and an advocate for Breast Cancer Awareness. PINK4CHEE is committed to raising awareness in our community about the impact of this devastating disease. Early detection through self examinations and annual exams for women and men can save a multitude of lives, especially in our African-American Community.

Much research is needed on “Neo-Adjuvant Chemotherapy for Triple-Negative Breast Cancer. Fundraising events of PINK4CHEE will help to provide breast health research, diagnostics, screening, treatment, services and education for uninsured or underinsured women.

Reaching out to communities spreading awareness "Simply Me PINK4CHEE" Cheena Wright 336.254.4202 Email: cheena@pink4chee.org

By Catisha Asbury From Sexual Abuse to Coaching Others on Sexual Purity!!!

I give God the praise and honor for my life. It is in Him that I move and have my very being. His favor and breathe of life cover me to protect and provide for all my needs. I can only honor Him. He is worthy!

My childhood may or may not be similar to others. My mother was a single parent for many years. She raised us to the best of her abilities. She protected us to the best of her abilities. She had my sister and me in many church programs for Easter and Christmas. Also, I have very fond memories of Vacation Bible School.

There is also the distraught memory of being molested as a young child before the age of 5 by my mother’s friend’s brother. It was a hurtful experience. It was one that as a young child I did not understand the implications of such a vile attack on my innocence. A complex of guilt and shame was birthed into my life. It was an open door. The enemy was trying to keep me down and oppress me through childhood, teenage years when I lost my virginity, and even unto adulthood.

It was when I rededicated my life as a Christian that healing began to take place. First, I had to admit the childhood past had wounded me. It caused me to not trust others well. I had an enormous breakthrough while preparing to minister to a group of youth. I gave a talk on “Whom Do You Trust?” and gave my testimony of the sexual abuse. The tears that I wanted to shed as a child came out as adult. The testimony influenced many youth and they received a breakthrough. It was healing to them and me.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Now God is using what the enemy meant for my evil, and He is turning it around for the good of others. God is currently birthing through me a ministry to women called, “Women of Harvest”. It is a biblical coaching and consulting ministry to help women with God given goals and plans.

God has gifted me with poetry to write and publish works to glorify Him while lifting up others. Jesus Child Poetry encompasses books, radio ministry, and Facebook page. Last but not least God has called me to lead a Biblical coaching program entitled T.A.P.S. (Think and Act Pure about Sex). This coaching program is designed to help others to walk sexually pure. A teleconference is held monthly and an eBook is available for purchase.

Finally, I praise God for all that He is doing in me. I am not a finished product, and God is not through with me. My expectation is do the work of the Kingdom until Jesus returns then I will hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Be blessed.

The following are links to the projects mentioned:

www.Womenofharvest.blogspot.com www.facebook.com/Jesuschildpoetry and www.Jesuschild1.goods.officelive.com www.thinkandactpureaboutsex.blogspot.com

Can I take out your garbage?

What does a 10 year old boy and throwing out garbage have to do with your success in life? Let me answer that question with a story. Once upon a time there was a knock at my door. I answered it. To my surprise there in front of me was a young boy about the age of 10. He was 4 feet tall, had long blond hair to his shoulders, wore an old tee shirt and over sized jean shorts and had a southern accent. He asked me “Can I take out your garbage for $1.00 per bag?” I replied “Son, why on earth do you want to take out my garbage on this hot day for a dollar?” He had a goal of buying a video game accessory. I look at this event as a microcosm of the attitude and choices that we make everyday in our life.

First we look at the circumstances that faced this young boy. What would you do? This boy at the age of 10 could not get a conventional job so he most likely went to the source of his income, mom or dad. They looked at him and said, “NO, you cannot have the money for the video game thing!” At this point I submit to you that the boy could have only responded in one of two ways. He could have whined, complained or thrown a tantrum about it. Or, he might have given up on the whole idea. Just totally forgot his dream about having the video game part. Too often we have been told, “You can’t do this”, “It’s too hard”, “Don’t disappoint yourself” or “You were not meant to have it”. We give up after hearing the nay-sayers only to later in life complain about how we wish things were or what if I would have or could have done it. We put aside our dreams and aspirations because we let someone else decide out destiny.

The bible says in the book of Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to make you PROSPER…” The master of the universe wants you to succeed and not listen to the nay-sayers in your life.

Secondly, the boy came up with a plan that would require him to take many risks! He had to endure going door to door on hot summer days, alone, face adults, rejections, ask total strangers for money, getting permission and dealing with garbage. Sound familiar to some of us adults today. This boy could have just tried. I submit to you the boy did not just try he just did it! Let me ask a question. Have you ever tried to go to the bathroom? No, you just did it. Sound funny but it is all too true. I believe when you use the word try you really are using a 4 letter word. The word try conveys a message, lack of commitment, procrastination, hesitation, louche behavior or constipation. I say replace that word with “I can” or “I will” and now you see confidence, commitment, trustworthiness and a doer!

The book of Proverbs says “Trust in the Lord and not in your own understanding…” The key is trust and faith. Or maybe a catchier way to remember it is the words of the great Jedi Master from the movie Star Wars, Yoda said “There is not Try, just do or do not!”

The story does not end here. I had to give a response to the boy’s question. I had to tell him that I did not have any garbage this day. He looked at me square in the eye and said, “What time can I stop by tomorrow to throw out your garbage?” Sure enough the next day he showed up at my door at the designated time and I had the garbage in one hand and the dollar in the other. Is this not a perfect example of determination and persistence? What would you do? What have you done lately? What are you going to do? Do not listen to the nay-sayers. Do not drop your dreams. You are meant to be successful. Plan and execute your future despite the adversities ahead! Be determined and persistent in your journey because you deserve nothing but the best! My favorite short quote from Winston Churchill is “Never, never, never give up!”

This article is written by Angel Guerrero Multi-Entrepreneur and Evangelist in training.

He is available for speaking engagements and master of ceremonies. Contact him at angel@aparadigmshift.com or call 336-508-5870

My name is Mariah Gene'e Faison, I was placed in the arms of Mary and Gene Faison as another gift sent from God to enter the world on March 30th, 1996. I am now, a 15 year old fluently Spanish speaking student that attends Grimsley High School that’s fighting and working hard to get somewhere in life.

I have parents that have been through ALOT in their life experiences.

That shows affection and worries to give me a life they never had. They set my standards of always going the extra mile.

Some activates that I do are cheering, dancing, singing, writing poems, and running track. There are many tasks that I have done such as being president of Aycock Middle School of school year 2009-2010, serving volunteer hours, and doing community work.

I have things that inspire me in life, and then I have people that inspire me in life.

The things that inspire me in life are such things we never give much thought to.

Such as the blooming of the flowers. You may be wondering, why does a blooming of a flower inspire me? Well, because a flower blooms because of the change in the weather and the change in the weather happen because of the change in the season.

Example: Brown grass turns into green grass and that lets me know that no matter what you face in your life, the new season brings new beginnings.

One good handful of people who inspire me are the following: My mom-inspires me because she is one of the strongest ladies I’ve ever seen to not give up on me when I felt like everything was falling apart and I gave up on myself. That took me in with flaws and all and tore me down then built me back up stronger than before. That gives me love that will NEVER be replaced. My dad-inspires me because he is so genuine and generous. I’ve never seen a male smile so much. My dad is like my one and ONLY knight and shining armor. Always and forever will be a daddy’s girl. Some others are: First Lady and Pastor Knotts, Mrs.Hunter, Mrs.Jones, Ms.Teasley, my 3 teachers of school year 10-11 coach Hunt, Ms.Daniels and Ms.Wetmore, best friends and family. Those are, not all, but only a few that I think about when I need to be inspired, because everyone has a life story that makes you press on.

Love, Mariah Faison,

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Welcome to the phenomenal Woman, Sister, Daughter & Friend...may I introduce...

DONNA HARRELSON-BURNETT

Call (336) 988-4933 Lady D Promotions Greensboro, NC ladyd@ladydpromotions.info http://www.ladydpromotions.info

Lady D Promotions presents a life changing ...

experience...Your transformation, is Her proclamation...Selah

Transforming Souls... thru Drama

DONNA HARRELSON-BURNETT

AUTHOR~POET~DRAMA Donna Harrelson-Burnett is an awesome woman of God whose passion for saving lives has gone beyond and above the call of duty to help save lives through her ministry Transforming Souls. It's because of her newfound desire to reach out to others that her drama ministry which addresses domestic violence and incest has transformed lives.

After losing three siblings unexpectedly within a few short years of each other in which she dreamed their deaths prior to them dying, she realized that God had a special calling on her life and that she needed to step out on faith and write the book that god had commissioned for her to complete.

Her new compelling book entitled "Transforming Souls" was birth out of her connection to her siblings and her need to express and convey the message that after life there is light at the end of the tunnel and that our love one's who are deceased are sometimes our guardian angels in the midst of it all.

Today Donna is not only a proud author and poet but, also a much sought after motivational speaker and mentor with a powerful message of hope and restoration for all. In the bible it states in Roman 12:2 And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect will of God.

REPAIRING THE BREACH FOUNDATION ERADICATING POVERTY THROUGH SOCIAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP

A nonprofit organization that focus on fostering collaboration between the corporate, educational, religious and non-profit sectors to create social, cultural and monetary capital to impact individuals and communities who are economically and socially vulnerable.

TEE NICHOLE FAULKNER Tee Nichole Faulkner is a human and community services professional, nonprofit consultant, and thought transformation coach. She has demonstrated experience in improving the productivity, performance, satisfaction of individuals and teams. Tee Nichole builds and maintain key partnerships for self-development and business relationships to produce results aligned with individuals’ and organizations’ strategic change initiatives. Tee Nichole graduated Magna cum Laude from Queens University of Charlotte receiving a BA in Human & Community Service and received a MA in Nonprofit Management from High Point University in May 2011. She is cultivating her vision of becoming a personal coach and philanthropist by developing Repairing the Breach Foundation, a nonprofit social enterprise, and T. Nichole Faulkner Coach and Consulting firm. Personally, overcoming and transcending the effects of poverty through perseverance, faith and education, Tee Nichole fosters collaboration between change agents to raise social and monetary capital to reduce poverty levels and to impact individuals who are economically vulnerable through the proven methods that gave her options to move from an impoverished life: entrepreneurial training, professional mentoring, personal development, and financial literacy. Tee Nichole’s creed is "See the vision through the mind's eye."

Tee Nichole Faulkner Founder and Executive Director repairingthebreachfoundation@gmail.com (704) 807-3891 "You can’t lead the people if you don’t love the people. You can’t save the people if you don’t serve the people." -Cornel West

THE BREACH US Census Bureau North Carolina: In 2009, the state's poverty rate* was 14.3 percent. The state unemployment rate of 9.7 percent as of April 2011 — the nation’s 10th worst, that’s 433,969 people without jobs in NC. Guilford County: Approximately 37,000 people in Guilford County are unemployed.

Greensboro: Almost 40,000 families in Greensboro live in poverty.

In 2009, the poverty rate for Whites was 9.4%, 12.5% for Asians, 25.3% for Hispanics, and 25.8% for Blacks. *The poverty level for a family of four is $22,000.

“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable becoming, I help you become that.” -Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

REPAIRING THE BREACH

EDUCATION

FINANCIAL LITERACY

MENTORSHIP

WHAT WE DO Build cross-sector alliances to reduce poverty and to increase cultural and social capital within disadvantaged communities through financial literacy, entrepreneurial education, referral and resource allocation and mentoring.

WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO The Power C’s Cultivation of wealth building opportunities Cohesion between cross-sectors to foster change Collaboration with competent and compassionate people Champion for personal and institutional investments into vulnerable individuals and communities

HOW WE DO WHAT WE DO Educate about financial literacy and entrepreneurship Awareness of the correlation poverty has with many social issues (incarceration, illiteracy, physical and mental health) Mentoring · Fund and Friend Raising Job and wealth creation through entrepreneurship training and opportunities

THOUGHT TRANSFORMATION COACH AND NONPROFIT CONSULTANT

Tee Nichole is a human and community services professional, nonprofit consultant and thought leader. She has demonstrated experience in improving the productivity, performance, and satisfaction of individuals and teams to achieve results. Tee Nichole builds and maintains key partnerships to enhance personal development and business outcomes aligned with strategic change initiatives.

In 2003 Tee Nichole received her AAS in Human Services Technology from Central Piedmont Community College in Charlotte NC. In 2007 she received her BA in Human and Community Services at Queens University in Charlotte NC. In May 2011 she received her MA in Non-Profit Management from High Point University.

Leaders, Managers, Scholars, Professionals and Executive Directors seek out Tee Nichole services.

She is highly recommended as a personal coach and business consultant who will empathize, educate, and empower you to achieve the results you envision.

Personal One-on-One Consultations and Coaching for individuals and organizations:

-Non Profit Consultant *How to start and sustain a nonprofit * Membership Advantages: Newsletter, Blog, Videos, *Become an effective manager and leader * Quarterly Meet-Ups *Strategic planning * Organizational development seminars -Thought Transformation Coaching *BREAK! Personal barriers that hinder the pursuit for change *MOVE! Through the transformation process from poverty to success *GROW! Master the progression of personal development and growth *REPOSITION! Nontraditional and first-generation students and higher education *GIVE! Entrepreneurial and Empowerment Mentor “Sincere thank you to Tee Nichole Faulkner for meeting with me yesterday to discuss my future goals. After meeting, I left with a renewed spirit and “A master plan”. The information that you gave me allowed me to take a step back and realize Rome wasn't created in a day; slow steps are sometimes sure steps. Research first! You are an awesome coach and I will recommend your services to anyone interested in pursuing Entrepreneurship! Keep growing and Repairing!”

Nicole Buffy Sellars, Educator “Today was a successful day. I had a wonderful meeting with the founder of RTBF who has set me straight about building my own Nonprofit Organization. I walked away from that meeting knowing that I am going in the right direction. Key words today were niche and statistics.”

Jenise Social Butterfly Bradshaw, Entrepreneur

Behind every non-profit and every organization there is a heart felt story that shares the purpose and mission of the organization. So it is with Footsteps to Follow. Ten years ago, one of the founders, Shaun Foster delivered twins. Only one of them survived and is the miracle and heartbeat of Footsteps to Follow. Beating all the odds against her, Daisha Tarae`, is a very healthy and active young lady beating Down Syndrome and asthma.

Today she is and the primary reason for Footsteps To Follow. Her mother’s mission was to expose her to other children who are also fighting a Juvenile Diabetes and Sickle Cell but leading happy healthy lives.

Shaun stated, “ I wanted to make sure that despite what the doctors stated they are still able to model, play and enjoy life as regular children.�

In February of 2011, Shaun Foster and Jeanette Dockery formed the non-profit Footsteps To Follow that is soaring and reaching new heights in the community through their events and activities for children ages 2-18 that embraces them and helps them achieve success after success through their involvement in the Footsteps To Follow organization. Footsteps To Follow is here to allow children to develop into the next step ahead without feeling left out. Footsteps To Follow serves as the motivation to keep them heading in the right direction. We provide the guidance that is needed for the next footstep. Although we would like to think that we inspire our children with our words of wisdom and smart tips through our hard-earned insight and understanding, the truth is that they have within them a more powerful source of guidance and wisdom than we could ever offer them.

Our mission for Footsteps to Follow is to create our children of today into our future of tomorrow. Footsteps To Follow is a confidence builder program. That confidence strengthens their souls, lifts their spirits, encourages their inner beauty and promotes fun and exciting moments in their lives! These moments give a long lasting positive effect on the children that are involved and serve as the platform for future success. We aim to empower and motivate all children the Triad area with the tools needed to achieve all of their goals. Some issues that our children face are low self esteem, fear of failure or embarrassing situations. These could keep them from facing life issues and taking on opportunities. Footsteps To Follow...guides them in the right direction and provides healthy alternatives to these areas of concern. The main objective in motivating a child is to understand the root of the problem that causes a particular behavior. Once discovered Footsteps To Follow works with that child to resolve that issue and gain positive wisdom to use throughout life in that experience.

The power we desire for our children is not the outward power that bullies have over their victims but the inner power that a truly strong person has over the direction of their own life.

Footsteps To Follow has participated and executed 13 events for the children and is eagerly planning the remainder of their calendar well into 2013. Footsteps To Follow plans to have chapters all across the country in the near future and will branch into several community development projects that will expose the children to the importance of giving back. Some of their recent events include the April’s Fashion Show benefitting the Sickle Cell Foundation, May’s Free Zumba to benefit Tornado Relief with American Red Cross, Beautiful Black Women’s Festival at Aggie Park included a fashion show and June 18th Footsteps will participate in the Juneteenth Celebration in Greensboro, NC by providing a children’s activity area focusing on performance arts and is gearing up for their Back to School supply drive in August 20th 2011 at Windsor Center, Greensboro, NC.

Leaders Shaun Foster and Jeanette Dockery are driven by their love and passion for the mission of Footsteps to Follow and use that as the fuel to coordinate fun events and solicit volunteers that help with the children and the activities. Shaun Foster, Founder of Footsteps To Follow, is dedicated to the motivation and inspiration for the children of the Triad. Shaun Foster is a resident of Greensboro, North Carolina. She is currently pursuing a Master of Business Administration (MBA). She is an active member of the National Association of Female Executives. Shaun has shared that the development of Footsteps To Follow is to motivate, encourage, inspire and captivate audiences of our children with the enthusiasm of greatest they can achieve. Co-Founder, J. L. Dockery, Co-Founder of Footsteps to Follow, is a resident of Greensboro, N.C. She is the mother of 3 children. She is also an Employee of The Greensboro Police Department. A member of the North State Law Enforcement, An active member of the Guardian ad Litem with Guilford County Courts. She is always trying to reach the Youth to show them a better way of Life. Both ladies are the powerful force behind the Footsteps to Follow movement.

For more information, to support Footsteps to Follow or to have your child become a member contact them at any of the methods below: Email: Footstepstofollow@yahoo.com Phone: 336-681-2956 Facebook: Facebook.com/Footsteps To Follow

Tips for the Single Woman Being a single woman who also happens to own her own business, I am often asked how I am able to manage the day-to-day finances of my company as well as deal with personal financial matters associated with my household. I suppose that some people may perceive my financial independence as a big accomplishment. After all, on top of the distinctions I just spoke about, I am also a single parent.

I must admit, all of it comes with challenges, but personally, I happen to love that aspect. However, while I feel confident in my ability to “do it all,” it must be noted that there are some fabulous tips that I have developed and learned along the way. It is my honor to share them with you, in the hope that what I have learned can make your journey easier.

1. Educate yourself about your money and the investments that you are curious about or already a part of.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions and never feel uncomfortable about asking. Get actively involved in making household financial decisions, as well as investment decisions 2. Devise a plan and make sure you also have a backup plan. You might think that you have the financial plan to end all financial plans, but what happens when something falls short or falls through? What happens then?

When it comes to spending money, your financial plan may be your budget. Take the time to actually look at your income and compare it to your expenses. Not having a plan spurs bad decisions and bad habits. It can also lead to a lack of choices if there is an emergency. Don’t wing it!

3.Invest in yourself and pay yourself first. Consciously make a decision to put a certain amount of money aside each pay period. Also, keep in mind that your rainy day fund and retirement account are separate investments and should each be handled with different principles!

4.Plan for the long-term. Insurance is not a dirty word. We have it for our homes and other personal property but rarely do we carry appropriate levels of insurance to take care of us and our families in case of personal injury or death. Consider purchasing disability insurance and life insurance. Insurance proceeds can prevent you and your family from becoming financially destitute if life throws you a curve ball.

Trust your instincts. If you are ever meeting with an investment or financial professional and you get a bad feeling about what they are saying or recommending, don’t walk, run from their office. Respectfully thank them for their time and leave. Don’t feel obligated to invest with anyone who either makes you feel uncomfortable or can’t easily answer your questions. This is your financial future; don’t pander to someone who doesn’t have a stake in it.

These are just a few ideas to get you started on your way to financial independence and freedom. My personal rule of thumb is that you should never stop learning about ways to be financially secure and you should never trust someone else to take care of you in the future. Take responsibility for your finances, your future, and your life and you will find that it is entirely possible to have it all!

Dear Cali Pearl, I have a secret that riddles me with anxiety and panic every time the phone rings and the mail is delivered. I am consumed with debt and cannot find my way out of it. The amount that I owe is embarrassing and I'm so ashamed that I haven't told anyone about my financial troubles, not even my husband. I have a great job and make a good amount of money, so if I ask him for help he will think I'm crazy. Please help, I can't get out of this on my own!

Not only has your spending gotten way out of control, but you've come to rely too heavily on the help of your husband. He won't always be there to bail you out, especially if he finds out that you have not been completely honest about your financial situation. Stop spending. If you are making a good amount of money, you should be able to create and operate within a budget. Set aside enough money for bills and enough for living expenses, then dump the rest into your debt. This will take extreme discipline, which it sounds like you may have some issues with, but in order to financially survive you must find the will power to stop spending and start saving! –Cali Pearl

Dear Cali Pearl,

My parents are trying to get me to save my money. I don't think I need to. I often date wealthy men and figure that when I meet and marry my future husband, he's going to be in that category and will ultimately take care of me. How do I get them to understand that I don't need to save?

Hey Princess, time for you to get a reality check! The statistics show you need to save! 50% of all first time marriage end in divorce and the rate increases for subsequent marriages. Also, according to A study by the Women's Defense Fund through the Woman's Guide to Savvy Investing it is women who see their income drop by 25% after a divorce, while a man sees his go up by 35%! Everyone should save, regardless of who you marry. You have fallen victim to the Cinderella Myth, the idea that your husband will take care of you or that you will marry into money. While happily ever after can happen, the likelihood of it becoming a reality is pretty slim. Many married women leave financial matters to their husbands, which is neither good nor bad.

With enough commitment and communication, happily ever after can be achieved with the man in control of the checkbook. However, in order for this to work, financial planning must begin before marriage and carry on during it. With the divorce rate so high, though, do you really want to leave your financial wellbeing in the hands of your potential ex-husband?

Another myth that needs to be debunked is that husbands know more about finances than their wives. While this may be true in some cases, women are every bit as capable of maintaining a healthy financial state. For a truly healthy financial relationship, both you and your future husband should be jointly responsible for the financial wellbeing of your marriage.—Cali Pearl

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