VOL 5 NO 3
CONTENTS
IN EVERY ISSUE 4 Simply Divine - Publisher’s Piece /Editor’s Piece 6 Reflections 19 Social Media Cafe COLUMNS & Fitness 8 Health 10 Ways Couples Can Get Fit Together
ON THE COVER... Heavenly Bodies
by Carrington & Ashley Brown
13
Chart Toppers
Literature & Entertainment
Spiritual Gifts
14
DIVINE Destinations
Time Off
7 Reasons Married Couples Need To Get Away
10
Hasani & Danielle Pettiford Counseling, Clarity & Commitment at The Couples Academy
Request A FREE Digital Copy of DIVINE Magazine by emailing freedivinemagazine@gmail.com. View Your Magazine On Any iPad device or Smart Phone
by Dr. Joe & Sabrina Stanfield
15
Fashion & Beauty
Putting The Sexy In Your Wardrobe
Total Being: Inside & Out
by Bishop Tyear McCrary
16
Food Forte
17
Money Market
Virtuous Living
31 Restaurants Every Couple Should Try
Understanding Your Financial Love Language
Power & Purpose
by Tarra Jackson
18
Lifelines
Soul Connections
When The Cheater Is Cheated On
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by Troy L. Vaughan, III
20
Generations
How Spouses Raise Happy, Healthy Children
Faith & Family
by Tameka Anderson
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The Real Meaning Of Marriage
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Tell us how you feel about our Marriage Issue @facebook.com/divinemagazine
PUBLISHER Megan R. Mottley publisher@divinemagazineonline.com
GUEST EDITOR Hasani & Danielle Pettiford
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kingdom Quality Communications
INTERNS Meagan Hoard Matthew Myers Derikah Scott
CONTRIBUTORS Tameka Anderson Ashley Brown Carrington Brown Tarra Jackson Bishop Tyear McCrary Brian D. Rawls, Sr. Dr. Joe Stanfield Sabrina Stanfield Jamie Tuttle Judy Jacobs Tuttle Troy L. Vaughan III
MTLY COMMUNICATIONS, INC. Phone: (855) 456-4475 Ext 12 publisher@divinemagazineonline.com www.divinemagazineonline.com DIVINE Magazine is a division of MTLY Communications, Inc. DIVINE is published quarterly. No portion of this magazine, including without limitation, articles and listing, may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. Send story ideas, questions, or concerns to publisher@divinemagazineonline.com Order print issues on our website at www.divinemagazineonline.com or from our Digital App available on all Android & iPhone devices. Request a free digital issue for your laptop, PC, or Kindle devices at freedivinemagazine@gmail.com Copyright 2015 by DIVINE MTLY Communications, Inc. All rights reserved.
SIMPLY DIVINE | P U B L I S H E R & E D I TO R’S P I E C E
PUBLISHER’S PIECE Real Friends Get Married First! As a Single Woman who desires to get married one day, I have learned so much from my Married Friends. I’ve learned so much that I can honestly say, “Real Friends Get Married First”. Often times, as singles, we feel as though we’re at a disadvantage when in fact the opposite is true. We actually have a huge advantage of learning all that there is to know before we take that Marital Leap. For this Marriage Issue, I have worked with 2 phenomenal Editors, Hasani & Danielle Pettiford, CoFounders of The Couples Academy, to highlight the beauty of God’s design for Marriage as well as shed light on the issues, the struggles, and the joys of being Married. Prepare for an issue that is enlightening for both singles and married couples alike. We’ve highlighted everything from health tips, how to keep your wardrobe spicy, financial advice, and how to raise families together. We also have a few special features hidden throughout this issue with positive advice to inspire the strongest marriages. @meganmottley
@meganrmottley
Megan Mottley, Publisher
EDITOR’S PIECE Marriage is a God Idea. It is the first institution created by God. In fact, all of civilization is built upon the foundation of the family. In His wisdom, God created man (malefemale) as His image in the earth. In other words, man is the masculine expression of God in the earth. Likewise, woman is the feminine expression of God in the earth. So, when man and woman come together they represent the image of God in the earth. The enemy’s sole objective is to destroy the image of God in the earth realm. The traditional marriage and family – defined as a husband and wife with children in an intact marriage – is increasingly under assault. Anything that will alienate man from woman contributes to the destruction of a high view of God. The enemy has a multitude of tactics: premarital sex, extramarital sex, sexual deviation, divorce, male chauvinism, feminism, and on and on. Satan’s effectiveness in destroying God’s image through malefemale alienation, by whatever means, has been incalculably costly to the human race. Now, with the legalization of same-sex marriage, we found it necessary to dedicate an entire issue to traditional marriage. Each article is designed to give you advice, inspiration and tips on how to live a better life within the confines of your marriage. Marriage and family should be the envy of the world, not the lowest item on their priority list. As married couples we should set the example and be the beacon of light to the world. This marriage issue is our effort to begin that process. Enjoy. Hasani & Danielle Pettiford, Editors
@hasanipettiford @couplesacademy
Be Encouraged. Be Grateful. Be Inspired. 4 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
5 | MARRIAGE ISSUE
REFLECTIONS
by Brian D. Rawls, Sr. Ephesians 5:31-32 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” I love mysteries! The adventurous stories of secrets being unlocked, villains exposed, heroes emerging and treasures being discovered all seem to appeal to our imaginative side. I admit to searching for secret doors and chambers as a kid in hope of discovery. The idea still thrills me even now. The scriptures hold such great mystery for the believer today; so many to be unfurled within it. According to the scriptures, marriage is the greatest of all mysteries...the mystery between Christ and the church. This says that marriage expresses heavenly truths. That means conversely, the same heavenly mysteries concerning Christ and the church hold sacred truths about marriage. It is not my intention to explain them all in this short space. I will say, the very subject of mystery as it relates to marriage is a lesson in itself. There is no possible way to articulately express the love of God in Christ towards the church. The very subject of Christ's love shown through immeasurable grace...renewed mercy...and passion towards humankind; is plainly written in the scriptures. Yet it has and continues to fuel thousands of books, spans thousands of years and is an inexhaustible source of comfort and hope. In all, it remains a mystery to all who believe. Grasped and yet still incomprehensible. In like fashion, if there is anything that defies the word simple, it’s marriage. How do you explain two becoming one? How do spouses move on and become stronger after the unforgivable occurs? How, after decades, children, and enduring challenges in the changing seasons
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of life, can a couple still find passion and deeper levels of friendship? You would think after so much, that time itself would doom the relationship to the fate of ball and chain. Not so...at least not always. The hottest marriages are those that hold a sense of mystery. To have been together yet sense that there is more to be discovered...more to be known, shown and explored, is an exciting prospect to daily interview. Admittedly, I am overwhelmed by the fact that my wife and I are experiencing new plateaus of passion and friendship after years of marriage. I really dig her! She is more ravaging to me now than when we first were married. I'm convinced that there is always more to be revealed. What if we agreed with the scriptures that our marriage displays heavenly mystery. What would be the impact of operating as if our marriage was telling a heavenly story? What would it say? Would it parallel God's own relentless and endless love story towards humankind? What if we viewed in fanciful manner, our marriages as treasure hunts of sorts? Our regular soul-bearing conversations are the maps, and each scene from our everyday lives presents an opportunity to find treasure. Would we be willing to believe that the search will yield it? I declare that our marriages will be enlivened by the search itself and infused with a sense of adventure; should we dare look beyond what we have firmly grasped about our spouses to chase after...the mystery. According to the dictionary there are two very powerful definitions of ‘mystery’ that
stand out amongst the rest: 1) Something that is difficult or impossible to understand or explain, and 2) The practices, skills, or lore peculiar to a particular trade or activity and regarded as baffling to those without specialized knowledge. What an awesome revelation, to know that the mystery can be demystified. While most lack the fortitude to unwrap the casing of life’s greatest mysteries, those hungry for truth can crack the code to the deepest meanings of marriage. Matthew 7:7-8 says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Similarly, social philosopher, Eric Hoffer said, “In a world of change, the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned shall find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists.” PERSONAL STUDY: When you combine ancient biblical wisdom with modern day truths it provides a level of practicality that makes marital success possible. As you seek to better understand this great mystery called marriage, consider the following books to read along your journey. The Mystery of Marriage 20th Anniversary Edition: Meditations on the Miracle by Mike Mason The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary L. Thomas
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HEALTH & FITNESS | HEAVENLY BODIES
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LITERATURE & ENTERTAINMENT
SPIRITUAL GIFTS
WAYS COUPLES CAN GET FIT TOGETHER
by Carrington and Ashley Brown
In relationships, it is necessary to find ways to get fit together. Getting fit as a couple offers the opportunity of becoming healthier, spending more quality time and also having lots of fun. In order to build a great relationship it has to be built on God and groomed through time spent together. We’ve come up with 10 fun ways to get fit as a couple.
1. JUICING
Juicing is a great way to get your nutrients in as a couple. Take turns and choose a few days out of the week to replace a meal with fresh squeezed juice and add great benefits to your diet.
2. DANCE CLASS
Can you say Salsa? Taking a dance class is a fantastic way to burn calories while having a blast. Whether it be Salsa, Hip-Hop, or even Zumba, it is impossible to leave class without breaking a sweat. With the fast moving, up tempo beats, and bad coordination, there is no way that enjoyment and abs cannot come out of a dance class.
3. 5K EVENTS
5k events are an awesome way to support organizations as a couple. Races such as Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure, the I Am Second Run, and for those who look for a more extreme cause, the Color Run. provide the opportunity to get in shape while surrounded by people with similar goals. Even though the events are designed mostly for runners, there are people who walk and converse with others and use it as a way to create new friendships.
4. CLEANING THE HOUSE
By joining up with your spouse, tackling any task will become enjoyable even cleaning the house. Turn on some music, open the doors and windows, and enjoy making the house spic and span with your other half. A great way to boost the intensity and burn some extra calories would be for you and your spouse to race against a song. The goal is to clean as much as you can by the end of one song and the one who does less owes the other push-ups.
5. VIDEO GAMES
Nintendo Wii (and other gaming devices) is a great way to exercise and also have fun in your relationship. Playing games like boxing, football, tennis, and basketball with your spouse involves spending time together while also revving up some competition between you two. 8 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
Photo Credit: Megan Weaver
Order Your “Marriage Game Strong” t-shirt at http://www.ashleyempowers.com
6. FITNESS JAR
Get fit and get out of debt together. Choose a length of time that you and your spouse will commit to exercising together – 1 month, 3 months, 6 months. Agree on a certain dollar amount to place in the jar for starters ($5 each, $10 each, etc). At the end of each day, empty all of your change into the jar plus raise the stakes by committing to put a certain dollar amount in the jar at the end of each week. When someone doesn’t exercise, they must pay an agreed upon penalty fee to the jar. Once you reach your goal, take the money that you’ve collected and pay a bill.
7. BOOT CAMPS
Boot camps are a great way to get fit and have a lot of fun in the process. Most boot camps have music blasting, instructors with a ton of energy, and many people in the same age range with fitness goals. It’s definitely refreshing in times of fatigue to have your spouse inspiring you and motivating you to keep pushing yourself toward the goal you set out to meet.
8. JOIN A COMMUNITY LEAGUE
In many communities, there are opportunities to join teams to compete in flag football, kickball, volleyball and many other sports. This allows the opportunity for you and your mate to spend time together and also build up your teamwork, leadership, and communication skills.
9. HIKING
Hiking is a great way to explore the great outdoors and to build up leg muscles in the process. You have the joy of coming across unseen nature while simultaneously building bigger calf muscles. The beauty of nature along with the company of your spouse creates unforgettable moments that you will both cherish for the rest of your lives.
10. VOLUNTEER TOGETHER
In the world we live in, there is never a shortage of volunteer opportunities to help those in need. Think about it! Have you ever seen a home built or a community clean-up done without a drop of sweat? Reach out to organizations, get plugged in with groups that are building homes for the homeless, cleaning the community, or feeding the hungry. Get a great workout in while spending time together and blessing others.
BONUS
Accountability: When reaching for any goal in life it is extremely necessary for you to have an accountability partner. You need someone who nudges you when you begin to fall off track, someone who reminds you of the purpose when it gets hard to continue the pursuit and someone who genuinely cares for your success. The person, whom these should matter most to outside of yourself and God, should definitely be your mate. How awesome to have your spouse by your side to ensure the future you’re creating is the future that you want! The goal is to reach for progress and not perfection. When you honor your body you are honoring your relationship and the temple that God has given you. Take these tips, try them out, and enjoy spending time together and creating a healthier lifestyle with the one you love.
DIVINE | S P E C I A L F E A T U R E
The Real Meaning of
Marriage by Dale & Jena Forehand
When our eyes met, we were drawn to one another like a fly to a flame. Of course, we put our best foot forward. After all, you never get another chance to make a good first impression. The first impression turned into a first date and then another and then another. Our relationship was moving forward, and the more we spent time together, the more it grew. We had fun, we had spontaneity, we shared our dreams and desires. Even the “quirky” little habits didn’t seem to matter as much ... at least not then! For sure, the dating days, the honeymoon phase, they are fun and exciting and a very important part of moving toward marriage. We were in love, we shared common interests and had a lot of fun together. Then you wake up one day with kids, careers, mortgages, stress and out of nowhere your differences and “quirky” little habits are driving each other crazy. This is why you have to know the real meaning of marriage and what God is really after! Ephesians 1:4 says before the creation of the world we were pre-destined to be Holy! Ephesians 2:10 says that God also has plans and purposes for us, which HE prepared in advance for us to do. This is why the real meaning of marriage is that “marriage is the primary relationship that God uses to help us grow into HIS image.” This means your marriage is the arena where the Lord will do His deepest work of transformation. Why, because you can’t hide in a real marriage. Stuff is going to surface. Your differences, your way of relating, your pride, selfishness and brokenness will come bubbling up in your marriage and this is a good thing. Why, because Christ wants to grow you, change you, and use you to advance his Kingdom. But to do that, He’s going to need to skim off some stuff in your life (Prov. 25:4). This means your spouse can never be your enemy and must always be your ally. As you and your spouse partner together through life, pursuing Christ, pursuing one another, and fulfilling your purpose, it will be here that you discover the real meaning of marriage: a changed life into the image of Christ. Here’s three ways you can create the environment for this to happen: 1. See your marriage spiritually first (2 Cor. 5:16-17). 2. Be a spouse of mercy and grace (Luke 6:36). 3. Be patient and forgiving (Eph. 4:32) - remember, marriage is a journey and to stay on the path, it will take patience and forgiveness. One of the best ways to do this is to remember how patient and forgiving Christ was with us! Today, embrace the gift of marriage, be a grace filled, mercy filled, patient forgiver, committed to seeing your marriage with spiritual lenses, partnering together to be set-apart for God’s good pleasure as you fulfill the purpose for which you were created and joined together.
Dale and Jena Forehand are the founders of Stained Glass Ministries. The amazing grace story of their marriage, divorce and remarriage to one another is being used by God to help other marriages find healing, hope, purpose and passion. To find out more about their ministry, speaking schedule and how you can host one of their conferences, visit www.daleandjena.com
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DIVINE | S P E C I A L F E A T U R E
Counseling, Clarity Commitment at The Couples Academy
&
DIVINE Magazine had the pleasure of sitting down with Couples Academy co-founders Hasani and Danielle Pettiford. Their life’s work has made their names synonymous with marital success. They have humbly accepted their role as leaders in the marriage movement and are looking to grow an army of marriage enthusiasts who will spread the message of marital success. DIVINE:: SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS APPEAR TO BE MORE THAN A PERSONAL PASSION FOR YOU, IT’S YOUR BUSINESS. WOULD YOU AGREE? Yes, that is correct. For the last 15 years, I have served as an award-winning speaker, author and recognized authority on male/female interpersonal relationships. I have spoken for more than 1,000 audiences throughout the U.S., Latin America and Africa. I am also a 2X best–selling author of 13 books. With a desire to reach a larger audience, I decided to pursue television. It has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Media has allowed me to reach millions of people across the nation. In addition to hosting TV-One’s reality show Love Addiction, I have played host, expert commentator and guest to such national programs as TBN, BET, CW Network, TLC, The Wendy Williams Show, The Bill Cunningham Show, Atlanta Live and Singles Forum of Atlanta. DIVINE: WOW, YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT. HOW DID YOUR FOCUS CHANGE ONCE YOU GOT MARRIED? Well, prior to marriage my main focus was on single life, dating and sexuality. I spoke at high schools, colleges and universities on God’s design for sex and dating. Married life ushered in a significant shift in my focus and passion. While I was successfully single, I had no idea how to function in a life-long committed relationship. So, to ensure our marital success, my wife Danielle 10 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
and I pursued professional training and became marriage and family counselors. Our motive was two-fold: 1) guarantee the success of our marriage and 2) make an enormous impact on marriages worldwide. We formed the organization “Touch and Agree Family Institute” which catered to marriage-minded singles as well as married and non-married couples. Once we realized that we really had something special we decided to rebrand the organization and take our movement national. Danielle and I, along with our four daughters, relocated to Atlanta to plant our international headquarters. It was at that moment that Couples Academy was birthed.
DIVINE:: WHAT IS COUPLES ACADEMY? Couples Academy is a relationship-based learning institute committed to placing couples on the road to recovery. Whether you are a new or seasoned couple, in turmoil or on a road to relational bliss, we provide the resources, help, support, encouragement and practical advice needed to make a relationship work. With a powerful message of how we overcame marital conflict, we directly impact the lives of many, as we fulfill our mission to change the way men and women relate to one another, putting them on the path to healthier, more meaningful relationships. Together, Danielle and I provide weekly coaching sessions, private marriage intensives, Last Chance Weekends, Skype seminars, couples retreats and marriage conferences.
DIVINE | S P E C I A L F E A T U R E DIVINE:: WHAT KIND OF INDIVIDUALS ARE MOST ATTRACTED TO WHAT YOU OFFER THROUGH COUPLES ACADEMY? We attract ‘Couples in Crisis’ who are in a very vulnerable state in their relationship and who have suffered from abuse (verbal, emotional, sexual or physical), infidelity, broken trust and promises, addictions, finances, sexual issues and all other hurtful behaviors. These couples don’t know how to get out of their situation and need help before it’s too late. When they’ve exhausted all of their options and no longer know what to do, they come to us. Couples Academy has become the official home of infidelity recovery and divorce prevention. DIVINE:: WHAT MAKES YOU BOTH DIFFERENT FROM OTHER MARRIAGE ADVOCATES? Honestly, we’re different from other counselors, coaches and advocates in many ways. First of all, we provide a very unique blend of coaching, counseling, and mentoring when necessary. In its simplest terms, counseling is relationship defense which consists of rebuilding and restoring the relationship back to its original state. Coaching is relationship offense which is comprised of implementing a marital enhancement program and setting clear goals in order to complete the objectives of the program. Mentorship is the total immersion of 2 couples (the client pair and my wife and I) over an extended period of time with personal guidance, accountability, and checks and balances to ensure the longevity and success of the couple. Secondly, we take a holistic approach with our clients by providing a relational, historical, spiritual, and experiential dynamic to the process of the couple’s recovery and overall enhancement. In between sessions, we create customized goal setting tasks, homework assignments and couples challenges. The goal is to provide a unique set of skills, strategies and solutions that leave lasting results. In our coaching, consulting and mentorship work, we ONLY work with individuals and couples who want more for their life and relationship. We are clear on our skill sets and the value we offer to our clients. Our clients get coached and mentored on all things that pertain to building a strong foundation for relational success, enhancing communication, meeting each other’s emotional needs, improving their love life, understanding gender roles, and guarding their heart and setting
boundaries for protection. We choose to focus on specific areas in order to give our clients the very best of us. As coaches, we do not function as our clients’ friends. Our job is to tell our clients what they don’t want to hear and show them what they don’t necessarily want to see in order to experience what they’ve always wanted to have: a passionate and fulfilling union.
DIVINE:: WHAT NEXT FOR COUPLES ACADEMY? Couples Academy has become more popular because of a growing demand for marital restoration. Our specialized work has gained international interest which has taken us to Canada, Central America, Africa, the Caribbean and the Middle East. So, we are placing more of a focus on our global tour stops and planting Couples Academy Relationship Centers throughout the world. In order to successfully plant centers throughout the world, we are enrolling marriage enthusiasts in our coaching certification program to help save and enhance marriages. We believe we have the solution to so many martial problems today. Our desire is to share these truths with others so that relationships will be transformed.
To find out more about The Couples Academy and Hasani and Danielle Pettiford, visit http://www.couplesacademy.org.
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DIVINE | S P E C I A L F E A T U R E
The Real Meaning of
Marriage
The God Centered Marriage by Pastor Jamie & Judy Jacobs Tuttle
{
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Back in chapter 1 of Genesis, God gives the instruction to man, “ ...be fruitful and multiply the earth.”
This simply means, come together in marriage (holy matrimony) and procreate, or reproduce yourself in your children. This is such a powerful command, because God expects husbands and wives to raise up godly seed so that they might “take dominion” in the earth. I believe this can parallel to the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19 where Jesus instructs the disciples, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” I am a firm believer that God created marriage between a man and a woman to be a very special gift of love, friendship, strength, joy, helpmates, intimacy, and all the things we desire as men and women; this is what He did for mankind. In addition, He created the union of marriage to be the example on the earth of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” The word for love, is agape, meaning to love unconditionally, through the best and worst of times. In the same chapter, the Apostle Paul instructs women to submit or be subject to their husbands, being respectful. This does not give way to a controlling, manipulating relationship, but rather, allowing the husband, and praying for him to be God’s 12 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
called out man for the marital relationship and family. These roles understood and fulfilled in the relationship, creates the foundation for the solid marriage God created; and with the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, all married couples can have the ultimate God Centered Marriage. There is not a greater experience than doing life with that SPECIAL ONE sent by God. It is HEAVEN ON EARTH.
“
God created the union of marriage to be the example on the earth of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church.
“
There is absolutely nothing more special and powerful than a God Centered Marriage; it is God’s gift to a man and a woman, for the purpose of establishing His kingdom in the earth. Too often, it is assumed that marriage is a good idea created by man to fulfill his desires and personal ambitions. However, Genesis 2:24 clearly points out that it was, and is a God ordained establishment, stating,
L I T E R AT U R E & E N T E RTA I N M E N T | S P I R I T U A L G I F T S
CHART toppers
TOP 10 Most Popular Books For Married Couples The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy Keller The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation by Andreas J. Köstenberger For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti Feldhahn For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul David Tripp Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Top Christian Albums (Songs) For Married Couples 1. Perfect Union - Matthew Ward 2. Imagine Me Without You - Jaci Velasquez 3. When God Made You - Natalie Grant and Newsong 4. The Marriage Prayer - John Waller 5. I Loved You Then - 33 Miles
Top Gospel Album (Songs) For Married Couples 1. How Much You Mean to Me - Ted and Sheri 2. Love - Kirk Franklin 3. Close to You - Bebe and Cece Winans 4. So Amazing - Darwin Hobbs 5. Finally I - Daryl Coley 13 | MARRIAGE ISSUE
DIVINE DESTINATIONS | T I M E O F F
7
Reasons Married Couples Need to Get Away by Dr. Joe & Sabrina Stanfield
Warm beachy breezes, hiking in the mountains, sipping hot chocolate fireside in the ski lodge, or escaping to a local hotel …what’s your idea of the perfect getaway? Have you even allowed your mind to imagine such an idea amidst the busyness of work, children, and bills? It’s critical to the health of your marriage to carve out time on the calendar to get away. We recently took a trip to the beach to celebrate 28 years of marriage and although we are no experts, we have learned the importance of a few days with no other agenda than to spend time with each other, unwind, and reconnect. Here are just a few reasons why your marriage needs a pause from the everyday grind (Hint, hint – don’t forget to check out the “excuse buster” at the end!)
Reconnect
All you could think about was the next time you would be able to be alone with him/her – remember those days of first dating? It was a time of discovery and getting to know each other. After even just a few years of marriage, the responsibilities of life, jobs, children, etc. can hinder our ability to reconnect with our mates. Even a brief 2-3 day getaway gives us the chance to really “hear” what’s going on in each other’s worlds. Not just how rough our day was, but how’s your heart, what’s heavy on your mind, etc.? How about discovering something new about your spouse – do you know what their “love” language is? (How they speak love to others and feel loved in return.) Prepare to be amazed at what you find out about each other when you take the very brief Five Love Languages Quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/.
Focus
As you get up every morning, rush through breakfast, get the kids to school and head out to work, the focus is mainly about accomplishing all the tasks at hand. Little time is left at the end of the day to focus on your relationship. This is the lie we tell ourselves - “we love each other and he/she knows that.” You may even say it to each other every night before you go to sleep, “love you.” However, the truth is, things that are neglected die! Try not watering your potted plant for a month. Unless it’s a cactus or an artificial plant, it’s likely to lose its bright color and begin to wilt without proper care. The same is true with marriage; the magnifying glass needs to be on the marital relationship above all others, because it is the foundation of your family.
Clarity
This sounds a lot like “focus,” and it goes hand-in-hand, but it is different. Our everyday lives can bury our true desires. Stepping away from daily tasks and focusing on your relationship can bring clarity back to what’s really important. Does your spouse feel appreciated, respected, supported? These are some of the main reasons marriages can begin to crumble and doors are open to “someone else” who really listens. A special getaway allows you to focus on each other’s struggles and triumphs. Then your focus can read just to what’s really important.
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Dream
Lying on your back in a cool, grassy field, look up at the clouds slowly drifting by, let your mind wander and dream big, impossible things. You don’t have to figure out all the details and exactly how things will work, but just let your mind expand to hold the idea. The same can happen when you get away, giving yourself permission to lounge on the beach, sleep in as late as you want, and allow yourself to dream again. Imagine all of the big ideas that can surface when there’s time for your mind to wander and unwind. You may begin to think of ways that you and your spouse can pour into other couples or how you may go on a missions trip together. So many ideas will flow through your mind, when you are free to dream. The sky is the limit, literally!
Vision Cast
Imagine getting in your car, bags packed for an exciting ski trip, but no one has taken the time to get directions on how to get to the destination or exactly which ski resort you want to visit. Sounds ridiculous, right? That’s exactly what so many couples do – they expect to have a wonderful life with fulfilling relationships, well-adjusted children, and lots of money in the bank! But how exactly do they plan to reach those destinations? That’s where a vision needs to be cast – but it can be hard to think long range with day-to-day responsibilities always screaming louder. Take time on your getaway to reflect or define what your vision is for you and your family’s future.
Inspirational
Although some may live and work in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains or their daily drive might include breathtaking views of the ocean, most of us need to get away to take in nature’s beauty. Inspiration can definitely come in many ways on a daily basis, but our souls seem to be revived when we can get away and see the beauty of God’s creation. Gazing at a beach sunrise or at the vastness of the Grand Canyon can speak to our spirits and inspire us to new heights.
Creativity
We are always amazed at beautiful paintings that are formed by little fingers dipped in messy paint. The creativity we were all born with gets stifled in jobs, chores, and responsibilities. We definitely don’t want
to ignore those, but creativity can help make all those responsibilities flow (build a better mousetrap) or just make them more fun along the way. Is there a project you and your spouse could work on together? Getting away can help spark those ideas that make the mundane marvelous! For some creative thoughts about marriage that will actually help you understand why he/she “does that” – watch the “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” Youtube video entitled “Men’s Brains/Women’s Brains.” You’ll never look at your spouse the same way again!
EXCUSE BUSTER
I know the number one thing you’re thinking – sure I’d love to get away, but we don’t have the money, time, childcare, etc. Here’s where creativity comes in handy! Look up, look around and ask. When we really want to do something, it’s amazing what we can accomplish! A trip doesn’t have to be far away or exotic to be fun, it could even be a place nearby (look for tourist attractions in your own city – book a hotel and stay overnight). Planning ahead is the name of the game. Saving a few dollars each month toward a trip makes it less of a strain on your budget. For childcare think of grandparents, friends, maybe other couples who want to swap childcare for their own weekend getaway. However and wherever you decide to get away, it will be a positive boost to your relationship, your health and well-being. As a wise person once said, 10 years from now you won’t remember that bill that’s due this month, but you’ll never forget the memories you make on your getaway. You have permission to hit the road and enjoy your favorite person on earth, your spouse, to spend time with – alone!
Together, Joe and Sabrina serve as service pastors at The Life Church of Memphis, where they have been members for 11 years. They’ve been happily married for 28 years and have raised (and homeschooled) 3 wonderful children and are blessed to have added a daughter-in-law recently. Dr. Stanfield is a chiropractor and Sabrina is a Medical Office Manager. Dr. Joe & Sabrina have a strong desire to continue to grow and improve their own marriage and enjoy encouraging other couples along the way.
FA S H I O N & B E A U T Y | TO TA L B E I N G : I N S I D E & O U T
y x e S
Putting the
in your wardrobe by Bishop Tyear McCrary
It is so important to keep your mate consistently looking to you as the subject of their desire. First, you must feel and look sexy to yourself. If you don’t feel sexy in your clothing, you won’t be able to communicate that to your partner. Sexiness is not found in clothing labels, but, in the confidence that you wear. When trying to incorporate sexiness into your wardrobe for your spouse, consider these few things:
THE TRIGGERS:
Find out what is visually appealing to your mate. Make sure you know his or her trigger colors. Those colors that make them stop and say WOW that looks great on you. Spend some time shopping together and have them show you the looks they find sexy. Consider doing a private fashion show to engage them and see if it causes a twinkle in their eyes.
KEEP IT SIMPLE:
Ladies, don’t overdo the makeup! Lip gloss and bronzer will go a long way. Save the full face of makeup for very special occasions and even then opt for a light application of makeup. Stay up to date with your wardrobe and be sure to add some color. You should be the only person that your spouse is thinking about, so take the rollers out and let your hair flow, replace the fluffy bath robe with a silk robe, and ditch the jogging pants with holes for some comfy but flattering loungewear. As for those intimates, scrap the granny panties for high leg briefs or boy shorts, replace the panty hose for lace top stockings and hide that old lady brazier and opt for a nice corset bra combo. Gentlemen, a close shave and a signature cologne will make your wife want to get close to you. Entice your mate with a great scent because it leaves an imprint in their senses. Yearly, find a signature scent that makes them double back and ask what you are wearing. To find your signature fragrance, try a few different colognes and observe how your wife reacts—the best reaction wins, that’s your signature cologne. Clean, moisturized hands and feet with nicely trimmed nails are a must. If you don’t feel comfortable visiting a spa to keep your nails nice and neat, ask your wife to assist you. Opt for wearing a suit every now and then. Although, jogging pants and t-shirts may be comfortable to you, surprise your wife with something a little more appealing. Don’t overdo the jewelry. A nice watch and cuff links are sufficient. Avoid wearing too many chains, bracelets, and earrings—this look can appear outdated and excessive.
KEEP IT HOT:
When you go out of the home or welcome your spouse home, make them wonder where you have been or where you are going. Look irresistible at all times and show your spouse that you want to look good for them and yourself. Not only will your spouse be proud to call you husband/wife, the attraction will continue to grow stronger when you put forth an extra effort to look and smell amazing. When you leave the house for work or to run errands, your spouse will look forward to your return. In the long run, you’ll be rewarded with more date nights, couples nights and romantic getaways. Why? Your spouse will want to show the world his/ her special prize—YOU!
DRESS WITHIN YOUR BUDGET:
Ladies, the simplest thing that you can buy is a great MATCHING panty and bra set and a sexy pair of high heels. Wear garments that are comfortable, fashionable, and well fit. Remember to also wear garments that feel great; keep your spouse wondering what’s behind that soft fabric and lace. Take your time building your wardrobe. Find pieces that are flattering and timeless. Be sure to embrace your body type and celebrate all that God has given you. Gentlemen, make sure that your underwear is colorful; step outside of the box and choose something other than white underwear. Opt for a great fit and absolutely no holes! Have a tailored look to make even the worst fitting jeans look incredible on you. Recruit a friend or flip through some fashion magazines for ideas. Take your time to build your wardrobe. Select a designer that creates pieces specifically for your body type and shop with that designer often. Go through your closet and mix and match pieces that you already have on hand. Take any items that no longer fit properly to a seamstress/tailor or pass it along to someone in need. Keep the chase alive by remaining alluring to your mate at all times, and they will always have you as their target of love, attention and affection.
15 | MARRIAGE ISSUE
31
F O O D F O RT E | V I RT U O U S L I V I N G
Nationwide
The Melting Pot
Boston, MA
Barcelona South End Darryl’s Kitchen
Chicago, IL
Alinea Girl & the Goat N9ne Steakhouse Next Restaurant Sunda The Aviary The Signature Room at the 95th
Houston, TX
Spindletop The Breakfast Klub
Miami, FL
Restaurants That Every Couple Should Try Compiled By DIVINE Magazine Readers
Red Fish Grill Romeo’s Café Rouge
Memphis, TN
Bari Ristorante Capital Grille Felecia Suzanne’s Flight Restaurant Itta Bena Restaurant Restaurant Iris
Nashville, TN Husk Sambuca Silo Sinema Virago
New York, NY
One If By Land, Two If By Sea
St. Louis, MO Share Your Thoughts! Post your top restaurant picks @divinemagazine on Facebook & Twitter #divineeats 16 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
Dominic’s
Virginia Beach, VA
The Cellars Restaurant
Washington, DC
Busboys and Poets Iron Gate Restaurant
MONEY MARKET | POWER & PURPOSE
Understanding Your Financial Love Language by Tarra Jackson, Financial Coach Understanding Your Financial Love Language hardships and emergencies. Financial disagreements are one Coach by Tarra Jackson, Financial
In most instances, Givers simply like to feel appreciated.
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However, some people save of the leading causes of divorce. Many couples find it difficult to because of a financial trauma or The third Financial Love Language effectively communicate with because someone used money to each other about financial matters control them, so they save to avoid is INVESTING. The Investor because they are actually speaking being in that situation again. Others takes relative risks and enjoys watching their money grow. They different financial languages. save to be able to help their loved like to invest in the stock market, That’s right! Finance is a language ones in the future. The best way to retirement, business opportunities, and unfortunately most people are communicate with Savers about education, love.about However, givingor is in an other act of people. insecurityThe when Financial disagreements are one ofThe the leading causes matters of divorce. not financially multilingual. money is tooftalk howfor others, best way to communicate with they give money or gifts to someone in exchange for an emotional Many couples find it difficult to effectively communicate with each fact is, it is extremely difficult to much money they will save. investors is toway discuss transactions ” The best to communicate with other financial matters because they are actually speaking connection or “to be liked. speakabout or understand someone else’s as “investments” and the return on Givers is to edify their giving spirit. In most instances, Givers different financial languages. That’s right! Finance is a language financial language when you don’t and unfortunately people are not financially multilingual. simply like to feel appreciated. those investments, which could really know yourmost own. The fact is, it is extremely difficult to speak or understand someone be financially or even something The third Financial Love Language is Investing. Investor takes else’s financial language when you don’t really know your own. In 2004, Author Gary Chapman that will benefit themThe emotionally, relative risks and enjoys watching their money grow. introduced the concept of “Love physically, or spiritually. They like to invest in the stock market, retirement, business opportunities, In 2004, Author Gary Chapman introduced the concept of “Love Languages” to help people people. the Thefourth best way to communicate Languages” to help people improve their relationships through education, or in otherFinally, Financial improve their relationships communication. Couples also have the opportunity to improve with investors is to discuss transactionsisasSPENDING. “investments” and Love Language through communication. their relationships through effective financial communication by the return on those investments, which could be with financially or Spending deals directly Couples also have the understanding their mate’s Financial Love Language. even something that will benefit them emotionally, physically, or the “Pleasure Principle.” opportunity to improve their spiritually. Whether the spending relationships effective Financial Love through Languages are identified by behaviors that is for someone else or financialindividual communication represent financial by value systems. By understanding Finally, the fourth Financial Love Language is Spending. Spending themselves, Spenders understanding mate’s ” Whether the spending these behaviors, their couples can improve communication and deals directly with the “Pleasure Principle. find ultimate pleasure in is for someone else or themselves, Spenders find ultimate pleasure establish a collective financial value system. The four Financial Financial Love Language. spending money, usually in spending money, usually on “stuff ”. True spenders can be Love Languages are Saving, Giving, Investing, and Spending. Financial Love Languages spenders rebellious when they feel deprived.on The“stuff”. best wayTrue to communicate are identified by behaviors The first of the four Financial Love Languages is Saving. Saving with a Spender is to talk about howcan much can spend. bethey rebellious when is not only an action of financial security, but for some it is an that represent individual they feel deprived. The will better position act of fear value or control. A Saver primarily saves money to protect Understanding your Financial Love financial systems. best Language way to communicate you to have more effective financial conversations your mate. themselves and their family from financial hardships and By understanding these with a Spender is towith talk about If needed, seek help from a Financial Professional to mediate emergencies. However, some people save because of a financial behaviors, couples can improve how much they can spend. trauma or because someone used money to control them, so they your money matters. Finances, just like Love, can be a beautiful communication and establish a save to avoid being in that situation again. Others save to be able to language when both mates respect andyour appreciate the other’s Understanding Financial Love collective financial value system. help their loved ones in the future. The best way communicate communication style. Language will better position you Thetosecond Financial Love The four Financial Love Languages with Savers about money matters is to talkLanguage about howismuch GIVING. Givers have to have more effective financial are Saving, Giving, money they will save. Investing, and a philanthropist heart. For most, conversations with your mate. Spending. giving is usually an expression of If needed, seek help from a The second Financial Love Language is Giving. Givers have a love. However, for others, giving The first of the four Financial Love Financial Professional to mediate philanthropist heart. For most, giving is usually an expression is an act of insecurity when they Languages is SAVING. Saving your money matters. Finances, give money or gifts to someone is not only an action of financial just like Love, can be a beautiful security, but for some it is an act of in exchange for an emotional language when both mates connection or “to be liked.” The fear or control. A Saver primarily respect and appreciate the other’s best way to communicate with saves money to protect themselves communication style. Givers is to edify their giving spirit. and their family from financial
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17 | MARRIAGE ISSUE
LIFELINES | SOUL CONNECTIONS
r e t a e h C e When th ! n O d e t a e h is C EAKS P S R E T A E H C D A REFORME
Many people can attest to the high emotional toll that infidelity has on a relationship. Some people experience infidelity several times in their lifetime, while others are fortunate enough to never go through it. As someone who has delved into the genre of dating and relationships, I have been outspoken concerning my unwavering disdain toward those who disrespect their relationships by cheating. Only the people closest to me know that my contempt towards people who unremorsefully cheat in their relationships is rooted in my own personal experiences with infidelity. The practice of sexual infidelity has been normalized in many cultures; so normal in fact that many postulate that as human beings, it is against our very nature to be monogamous and to do so is futile and a set-up for inevitable marital failure. For many women who hope to one day settle down and become wives, they expect infidelity from their men. Many women feel it is unrealistic to feel that a man will never cheat and that it is best to prepare for it by understanding that cheating is a natural part of being a “man”. It is my personal testimony that you reap what you sow and it is inevitable that some individuals will experience the pain that they unscrupulously inflict upon others. I am living proof of this supernatural disciplinary boomerang effect. Similar to what “Lance” experienced in the movie “The Best Man”, 18 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
DIVINE MAGAZINE FALL/WINTER ISSUE
by Troy L. Vaughan, III
we begin to empathize fully with others once we have been abruptly and unexpectedly placed in their shoes and forced to walk several emotional miles in those shoes. So what happens when the “boomerang” thrown comes back and scars the sender? In other words, what happens when cheaters are cheated on? As a college student in a long distance relationship, giving into temptation was never premeditated; though I had good intentions for my relationship, cheating always fell in the “it just happened” excuse category. Three years into the relationship, my girlfriend confessed to me over-the-phone that she was in-love with her male best friend, a man that I had long suspected of having an ulterior motive for his friendship with her. When my girlfriend, whom I was in love with, explained how she had fallen for him, my entire body collapsed and I began to weep and wail like an old mourner at a Southern Baptist funeral. I am not sure if she was ever aware of my sexual misconduct, but when I think about the horrendous impact that her sad news had on me, I knew that in good conscience I would never want to make someone else feel what I felt. I had to endure that intense level of pain in order to understand the value of fidelity and the heartache of infidelity. That experience has since molded me into a faithful man.
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19 | MARRIAGE ISSUE
GENERATIONS | F A I T H & F A M I L Y
How Spouses Raise
Happy, Healthy
Children by Tameka ‘L.A. Say’ Anderson Author, Parent Productivity Strategist
Game Plan
If you want to raise happy, healthy children, you must do this on purpose. Happy people are not an accident. More often than not, they make a conscience effort to be happy. The same applies to raising your children. You must plan to raise happy children by understanding how to develop happy children. Increasing the social skills in your children is the greatest way to develop the habit of happiness in your children. Social skills include areas like empathy, cooperation, listening, and confidence. Introduce a game plan to your family by clearly stating your goal, purpose, action and consequences for actions so that everyone will see and understand the family vision and follow along in their role accordingly.
Think TEAM
If you ever want to get things done quickly and effectively, build a team. As parents, you must always think as a team, and the sport--raising your children. Empower each other by communicating often about what you want to see and allow each other room for growth. Be sure to observe and learn from other “teams”. If you see another family that is happy and healthy, start building a relationship with them and asking questions about their team success. They may be able to provide you a different perspective that will increase your success rate. The adage “it takes a village to raise a child” is true so use the village to your advantage. Cooperation is much better and less stressful than compliancy so direct your focus and energy to strategies that increase your children’s cooperation skills. It starts at home and when children can cooperate with their siblings and see you and your spouse 20 | DIVINE MAGAZINE
demonstrating partnership techniques, it has a huge impact. Team fun gets the dream done!
“
Lead by Example
When you become the type of person you want your children to be, it makes raising them so much easier. For example, you cannot tell your older child not to drink, smoke and do drugs if this is what they see in you. Children definitely learn by example so be sure to lead your children as a happy, healthy couple in order to make the process easier on the entire family. Ensure the unity and health of the family dynamics by refusing to allow your children to pit one parent against the other. At the onset of such behavior from your children, vow as a couple to nip it in the bud right then and there. Always remain as a unified front. Demonstrate the behavior that you want to see and hear by the example that you lead. Accountability is key.
“
Social skills are the most important skills that you can teach your children. When you focus on increasing the social skills of your children, you ensure that they are happy as well as healthy. Studies show that a lack of social skills can lead a person to violence; therefore, it is vitally important to increase social awareness and to do so in a happy household as much as possible. The question becomes, how do you and your spouse come to an agreement and ensure unity for all in the household when it comes to raising your children to be happy and healthy?
… you cannot tell your older child not to drink, smoke and do drugs if this is what they see in you.
When you invest in your children, in the end, you’ll reap grand results. Never give up on your children and take the time to teach them about social skills and responsible thinking. When you do, you will not only have a happy, healthy household but you will also create positive and successful attitudes in your children.
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