Marriage and the Cross: with God all things are possible

By Dino Durando

What does a married couple do when they can’t go on living together ashusband and wife? Does theChurch have something to sayabout this?

There are many causes that lead to separation. Abuse in the home is a situation where the victim should get help immediately to protect her or himself and any children in the home. Short of physical or emotional abuse, other bad situations like adultery may also call for a time of separation, for which Church law provides a provision so that spouses can have time to repair trust and heal wounds (see Canon 1151 ff.) without having to divorce. Of course, legal separation is sometimes necessary in difficult situations to protect the rights of the parent responsible for care of the children.

Can anything be done once divorce occurs? Is it ever possible for a couple actively seeking divorce (or already divorced) to find reconciliation for their marriage?

The Christian solution lies in what may seem too simple an answer: Jesus. When both spouses approach Jesus together, the healing encounter can make what seems impossible, possible for God. Paradoxically this is revealed in the Gospel episode where Jesus makes marriage a sacrament. (see Matthew 19: 3-12).

Marriage is a complicated and risky endeavor. The apostles can see it clearly when Jesus teaches that, “What God has joined together, no human being must separate.” (Matthew 19:6) They make a serious objection to this new teaching from Jesus on the indissolubility or permanence of marriage in their reply, “if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry (Matthew 19:10). When pressed on the permanence of marriage, Jesus doesn’t back down. Instead, he pressed into their objection.

Jesus provides grace in abundance through the Seven sacraments, and Holy Matrimony is no exception. Jesus enters our fallen situation. But he does not bring a superficial or mechanical salvation.

He comes to redeem everything about our lives and certainly doesn’t leave marriage out of his great work of redemption.

This is the meaning of the cross which has the power to overcome sin and death. Every married couple faces significant challenges from the world and its many hardships. Christian couples are called to realize that their spouse is not perfect, and that forgiveness is required throughout the years. In fact, this is the heart of discipleship, to deny oneself, take up one’s cross and follow Jesus. If they choose to, Christian couples can take up their crosses together. Only this makes a grace-filled, lifelong marriage truly possible: the redemptive power of the Cross.

Dino Durando is director of the Office of Domestic Church and Discipleship and Office of Marriage and Family Life. He and his wife, Cathy, are raising 10 children in the Catholic faith.