Marriage with God in the Middle

Dino Durando is director of the Office of Domestic Church and Discipleship and the Office of Marriage and Family Life.

The moment I asked my wife, Cathy, to marry me I knew that something was changing. We went to the beach just blocks from the location of our first date and I took her by the hand and we walked out knee depth in the cold waters of the Pacific. I took a knee in the waters and realized that this moment was much like the commitment of my baptism. Through the years I have meditated on this moment and sought to invite God more and more into our married life.

There is a well-known book by Fulton Sheen titled “Three to Get Married.” The basic premise is an invitation to engaged and married people: invite God into the center of your relationship. This is the language of discipleship.

There is a helpful analogy here between the stages of development in a human relationship with the deepening of conversion to Jesus Christ. When a man and woman find mutual interest in each other they begin to spend more time together and to show greater affection. Should this lead to engagement one says to the other “you are closer to the center of my life, and I now make decisions in reference to our future together.” Upon entering the Sacrament of Marriage this commitment to one’s spouse involves a shift. The promises of the marriage rite are a commitment to offer one’s entire self to the other as a gift. In other words, “you are now at the center of my life, and I make all important decisions with reference to you.” Growth in our relationship with God follows the same progression. It leads the believer to commit to God more fully. One’s choices in life are initially made in reference to God, but with him as one priority among many. As conversion deepens, one begins to make decisions (especially important ones) putting God’s will first.

Here we see the beautiful intersection of these two relationships. In the Sacrament of Marriage, a baptized man and a baptized woman can bring their relationship with God into the center of their relationship with each other. This is how married people discover sanctity in the details of their life together, with God in the middle. Sheen describes it this way, “Marriage is a vocation to put God in every detail of love. In this way, the dream of the bride and groom for eternal happiness really comes true, not in themselves alone, but through themselves. Now they love each other not as they dreamed they would, but as God dreamed they would. Such a reconciliation of the tension is possible only to those who know that it takes three to make love.” (Fulton Sheen, Three to Get Married, chapter 4)

The Second Vatican Council described God’s dynamic action in marriage in which, “Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is directed and enriched by the redemptive power of Christ and the salvific action of the Church, with the result that the spouses are effectively led to God and are helped and strengthened in their lofty role as fathers and mothers.” (Gaudium et Spes, Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World #48)

God wants to get in the middle of our love for one another. He wants to enrich, strengthen and bless married love. As we come to trust Him more, we invite him deeper into our lives. We must also invite Him deeper into our marriages. This is an open invitation from God. Do you have the courage to invite him into the center of your marriage and family?