COLORFUL WOMEN THOUGHTS AND STORIES - SERIES 4
LIFE in GENERAL This weekend, I was cleaning out my library and came across a book of quotes on peace, war, brotherhood. I purchased it many years ago because of the quotes (of course) and the typography but with all the moves and changes in life, this weekend was probably the first time I sat and read it. One particular quote made me sit and draw this image. “The face of the enemy frightens me only when I see how much it resembles mine.� - Stanislaw J. Lec. If we could only remember that we are more alike than not, so much of the troubles we face today would probably be nonexistent. Series 4 of Colorful Women Thoughts and Stories is just about life in general. Things we see, feel and think about. Read and Enjoy.
QUIET Shhhhhhh Quietly sitting with my brother, whispering in his ears the things I would not say out loud to the world. Quietly learning; taking in all of the words, equations, books, and people. This is how I will travel and be part of it all. Quiet about my mind fracturing and my emotions growing out of control until the doctor diagnosed me. Quiet about sexual preference about those I like and adore and desire and love. Quietly becoming stronger than most though I seem fragile. Quietly taking the load of others carry it to my sacred places, crying over them, burning them and then dancing them away. Quietly succeeding, telling my story to my journal and the universe. Quietly walking through my home looking out of the windows into the world in nothing but my skin. Shhhhhhh
BE We are taught to BE Be busy. Be strong. Be confident. Be powerful. Be in control. Be first. Be right.Years of meetings, problem-solving, multi-tasking, listening, fixing, fighting and complaining.Years of not staying still, doing anything to keep from looking like I was doing nothing. Now I want to BE Be still. Be quiet. Be present. Be me. Be loving. Be open. All of it sounds so simple.
ANXIETY Sitting inside my chest, exploding over and over again - creating earthquake shivers through my body. I’m screaming inside, looking for ways to let it out. Let it go. Meditate. Mantra. Meditate. Silence - my scattered brain becomes a little clearer. Walk, run, faster, slower for several miles up and down the city streets - my body sweats away the shakes. The screams in my throat travel to my arm, out of my hand into my paint brush - frantic strokes, lines and color stretched across a canvas. Calm. Calm. It’s gone, for now.
DANCE 1 Maybe in my last life, I was a dancer who freely moved my body to the world’s song. In this life, movement seems to only live in my hands, where will my dance live in my next life.
DANCE 1I I want to dance to my favorite song with you and only you. It’s on my playlist #39.Yes.
Come here, take my hand, embrace and sway. Do not worry about the rhythm. care who is looking. This dance is you and me.
6 AM 6 am in the morning. I was collecting baskets of clothes from my car to take to the laundry mat. 50 ft away she stood with her gray dress and boots. One leg in the street the other on the sidewalk, running her hand through her hair. I’ve seen her before. She is a regular around here, and I guess, in a way, so am I.
The hem of her dress began to move beyond her thighs, up to her waist, showing her pink panties trimmed in black lace to me and any other lookers-on. My face cringed with disgust and embarrassment. My heart became heavy. This is something she chose to do. I made myself stop judging. She twirled like a drunken Wonder Woman and the next thing I know, a car stopped nearby, and she was gone.
LOVE Love does not change. It’s true. Commitment, expectation, attraction does.
GUARD I can see you on the other side wanting to come in, and I want to let you in, but I no longer know why I built this thing and didn’t remember where I placed the key. It was constructed with anger, sadness and hurt; being held up by a fear that I have not been able to penetrate. Leaving me here, alone, seeing the possibilities. I know the key is around here somewhere. Will you wait? Will you?
FEEL It all happens at once. Happy that life is good. Anxiety for not knowing what is next. Sadly missing some of my past. Grateful for what I learned so far. Crying because I feel alone. Laughing at the child having fun. Somber when I think about how long he’s been gone. Glad he was a great uncle. Concern about my family. At peace with what life is. Loving myself and loving others. Hoping for outcomes that will continue to make me happy.
FRIENDS It was a small thing. She needed a hairpin. Her’s fell out while running to the bus. I had plenty in my hair. I gave her two. She looked at me with the biggest smile, pinned up her hair and said Thank you so much. My name is Gloria, what’s yours?
FROM LOVE TO... She came across my mind, and I text her. She answered, and two hours later and we were at the cafe. I was drinking tea, and she, wine. She talked about her job, her family and then she began a tirade on her significant other. Her “man.” I’ve met him and knew he was a good human being. A good guy. I recall her euphoria when on their first encounter and the sweet hum in her voice when she said his name. He was all she needed. They were happy, and for that, I was happy for her. Now, a year later with three empty wine glasses sitting in front of us, the euphoria seemed to turn to bile, and words like love, giving, kind, amazing have been replaced with asshole, bastard, useless and mother fucker. What happened in 12 months? Was it something he didn’t say? Did he forget something important? Did he cheat on her? I sat for hours listening to all the little stories that added up to a big disappointment for her. I’ve been here too many times. I shook my head in agreement, held her hand at opportune times and told her I support her. She left with a smile on her face and feeling heard. And all I could think is two more human beings alone and miserable.
ONE OF THE GUYS Males make beautiful friends. I hang with them, enjoying their company and they enjoying mine. Just one of the guys. I prefer it that way. But with you, it is different. It must be different.
So please, don’t pat me on the shoulder, give me a hi-five. Don’t call me “man” or “bro”
Be my friend and see me as what I am - beauty intensified, open, genuine, loving woman.
Colorful Women is a series of illustrations and paintings of women. Through color, shape and the use of the human female figure, this series’ objective is to open viewers eyes to feminine beauty that is beyond the curves, clothes, make up and teased hair. These images convey a beauty that comes from the colorful nuisances of women’s personalities, emotions, and experiences. WWW.DMJSTUDIO.COM/COLORFULWOMEN
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