THE WAITING GAME

by Md Mudassir Hossain

For 21-year-old Rosélle, the journey towards embracing her true identity as a transgender woman has been marked by a gruelling wait for hormone treatment. She feels that she is navigating a world that is still learning to understand and support gender diversity. The ticking clock amplifies her frustrations and anxieties, as each passing day becomes a reminder of unfulfilled aspirations and a race against self-discovery.

From a young age, Rosélle felt a deep inner wish to express her true gender identity. She recalls borrowing her sisters’ makeup kit and even putting on hair extensions to look like a girl, unaware at the time of the significance of those actions. However, her sisters did not understand and discouraged her, telling her she was not a girl. It wasn’t until Rosélle moved away from home a couple of years ago that she fully discovered her gender identity. This brought her a newfound happiness from no longer having to hide who she truly is. Yet, she continues to face challenges in expressing herself through clothing and makeup.

To support herself, as she does not receive full subsidies from the Danish government, she works at a canteen. In her free time, Rosélle loves to paint and play video games. Recently, she moved to a one-bedroom apartment and painted the interior herself, now enjoying the colorful walls.

The frustration of waiting for hormone treatment weighs heavily on Rosélle. She believes that only through the treatment can she reach her full potential and truly align her outer appearance with her inner self. “I wait, and I keep waiting, but it feels like the more I wait, the more my body is going to develop in the wrong way, not in the way I wanted it to,” she says.

When I visit my family, I take on another persona. I basically untransify myself.

While Rosélle has come out as transgender to her friends, she has yet to share this aspect of her identity with her family. She recognizes the emotional importance of having someone who cares for and supports her, but she is currently not receiving support from her family due to their unawareness about her being transgender. She visits her family from time to time, but makes sure that she looks like a man. Fortunately, she has a Danish girlfriend, who supports her in everything she does and believes in her chosen path. Nevertheless, Rosélle cares deeply about her family and knows that they will eventually discover her true gender identity. Her plan is to first undergo hormone treatment and then seek to achieve success in her personal and academic pursuits, such as doing Japan Studies at the University of Aarhus. By demonstrating her success and happiness as a transgender person, she hopes to break the misconception that being trans leads to misery or self-destruction, thus paving the way for acceptance from her family.

Rosélle acknowledges that living as a trans woman in Romania, her home country, would be challenging due to widespread discrimination and inadequate healthcare support. However, her passion for Japanese culture and her desire to specialize in Japan Studies drives her to succeed both personally and professionally as a transgender individual.

Until then, Rosélle must wait for the next couple of years or so to complete her hormone treatment process. She envisions a future where her family accepts her wholeheartedly, embracing her as a successful and fulfilled person. •