Ruth Toda-Nation’s successful submission Love is a Life Story is a series of black and white photographs documenting the friendship between two nonagenarians: John, her father and his friend Mary. This highly personal project intimately chronicles the everyday life and challenges faced as they navigated the various, and often confused, Covid-19 lockdown regulations whilst living in a sheltered retirement community in Newport Pagnell, near Milton Keynes in England.
Ruth explains the intent of her project, which started in the early stages of the Covid pandemic in 2020: ‘At the time, older people were seen as expendable and the UK government’s decision to send the “untested” back to care homes resulted in thousands of excess deaths. This apparent disregard for our eldest citizens prompted me to document what I was witnessing daily, not only as a daughter and carer to my father but also as a photographer. John and Mary’s experience epitomised everything that I felt was unjust about the treatment of our eldest citizens. My father was already suffering isolation and loneliness when Covid restrictions forced him deeper into despair. It was a violation of their human rights, their right to life, to health and to non-discrimination and it called into question Britain’s failing care system. Mary and John had dedicated their lives to helping others, John as a Christian minister and Mary as an NHS nurse.’
Tragically in December 2021, Mary was moved into a full-time care home and passed away alone, unable to have visitors except behind glass. ‘She died believing that she had been locked away and imprisoned’, explains Ruth, ‘so Love is a Life Story is dedicated to Mary and is a testament to the importance of friendship and faith, especially in the face of adversity. I wish Mary was here to see the work and see herself exhibited. She loved being photographed, and through all the difficulties and bleakness we still managed to find joy and fabulousness as we made this work together.’
John (92) and Mary (96) neighbours at no 19 and no 20.Ruth Toda-Nation
Mary was from Jarrow and always called me ‘pet’ she was upset that I now couldn’t go in for a cuppa but I could stand at the patio door and talk to her and my father. Mary and John drank many cups of tea together. It is impossible to sit hour after hour totally alone within your four walls and as my father said ‘ I’d rather die of the virus than be in total isolation’. The garden and patio doors became the gateways to companionship and freedom.Ruth Toda-Nation
Dad was rushed to the hospital after a fall.Ruth Toda-Nation
Humans are at their best when they care for others. John is finally discharged and Mary and John are ecstatic to be reunited. He was deposited outside his facility with no key and no care plan. Mary at 96 stepped in. The older nurses are tough and resourceful and Mary is particularly so.Ruth Toda-Nation
‘Church doors have never been locked against us as they have been over the last months’ dad mentions this often. Church provides a lifeline for many and in normal times Mary and John walk up to the church every week. Some freedoms were restored for a while. As I took this photograph I was reminded of the waiting room of life, the transience of our journey and the importance of community and spiritual sustenance.Ruth Toda-Nation
Crosswords, bibles and newspapers replaced social interaction. Mary and John both did their crosswords daily. As I took Mary’s portrait she said ‘I don’t know what it’s all going to be, but I know it’s going to be something, something important’. She never fully understood the pandemic but she knew that what she was experiencing was an important story to tell.Ruth Toda-Nation
On the way to cafe Latte. The local caff opened its doors as restrictions eased again. People on the streets waved at John and Mary as they were so relieved to see older folk again. Mary and John were well know in the local community and it was a very joyous occasion to be out on the streets again.Ruth Toda-Nation
Mary and John were so happy to be at the caff after months of being locked in.Ruth Toda-Nation
Holding on to memories that she didn’t want to let slip away, Mary often recounted her life story. She talked of her life fondly. Each wistful memory a precious gem stone, a sign post reflecting her existence and giving her a sense of continuity in the turbulent times. ‘David was in the Navy, he first saw me and said that’s the girl I’m going to marry. In those days we didn’t hang about; decisions were made, life was precarious.’Ruth Toda-Nation
Mary’s memory became so bad that she was moved into a full care home. John and Mary were finally able to meet, but in a pod with glass between them. The Celts believed that the visible and invisible worlds were one and for them certain places were known as ‘thin places’ the invisible membrane is a kind of spiritual ozone layer. I could feel the walls growing thin. This was the last time we saw Mary. Her time had come to move beyond the veil.Ruth Toda-Nation
Mary couldn’t understand why she had to be locked away and couldn’t join her friend John on the outside. She asked often what she had done wrong to be locked up and deserving of prison. It was really difficult to say goodbye.Ruth Toda-Nation
Mary’s small coffin was covered in sunflowers. Sunflowers resemble the sun and are associated with spiritual knowledge and the desire to seek light and truth. In parting as we sang you are my sunshine the yellow glow of the flowers reminded me of the importance of friendship caring and love, which is what Mary gave to the world and gave to my dad.Ruth Toda-Nation
Dad wandered around like a lost soul after he lost Mary.Ruth Toda-Nation
There’s something incredibly sad when all that is left is someone’s empty room. Looking through her window its like a dream, a distant memory.Ruth Toda-Nation
Dad walks back to his flat alone. The corridor has lost its joy but as dad reminded me. ‘My life goes on, the story hasn’t ended yet!’Ruth Toda-Nation
