Family Matters June-August 2014

FamilyMatters THE MAGAZINE FOR THE FILIPINO FAMILY

HOW CHILDREN BENEFIT FROM HANDS-ON DADS

Volume 2 • Number 1 June-August 2014

ROBOTARS’ JOMIKE TEJIDO ‘I SHOW KIDS IT’S MORE FUN IN THE REAL WORLD!’

COOL IT!

7 ways to raise a nonviolent child

Control gadget use at home

BACK TO SCHOOL

• Ace your tests • Make new friends • Lunch baon planner

FamilyMatters Volume 2 • Number 1 June-August 2014

26

2 Homework

Home and School as Equal Partners

4 Family Note Why We

5 Letters 6 Framing

Dads

Nurturing Nature

8 Valuing

The Secret of Happy Children

10 Protecting Your Best Shot

13 Behaving

Courtesy Calls

Youth Talk

16 Celebrating

The Man Behind Robotars

• Elmo Magalona: How Dad Inspires Me, 24 • Meet and Greet, 26 • Making the Grade, 29 • Tatay: My Friend,

19 Bonding

Dad’s Right Here!

22 Developing

7 Tips for Soothing a Hothead

36 Faith and Reason Tug-of-love

29

38 Parenting

Handling Sibling Rivalry

40

40 Preserving

This Wondrous World

43 Balancing

Keeping It Real

46 Eating

Baon Bonanza!

48 Honoring

Fatherhood Is a Joy

Teacher, and Inspiration 32 • Animal Appeal, 34

10

HOMEWORK

Home and school

as equal partners

Teamwork is never more imperative than between parents and teachers working in harmony to raise responsible, productive, and ethical youth.

By Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB 2 FamilyMatters

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

I have been a Salesian educator for more than 25 years now. Since I received my first teaching job, many things have changed and evolved in the field of education, including the curriculum, the school policies, the grading system, and the subject contents— all for the good of the students.

Through the years, I have also seen how school administrators try their best to make the relationship between the home and the school more clear and direct. In many schools now, parents are encouraged to be more proactive in organizing formation seminars and workshops on responsible parenthood, on marital relationship, on mid-life transition, etc.

They are not only at the receiving end.

Parents are encouraged to organize these

formative activities together with the school administration. There are already in place in many schools the formative interventions for students who manifest some disorders and deficiencies where the parents are asked by the school to become actively involved.

Likewise, there are a good number of schools that have a Family Ministry Office as part of their organization. I also learned that, in some schools, parents elected by the Parents’ Association sit as members of committees, deliberating on matters like those on graduating students running for honors, or students facing suspension or dismissal for grave misconduct.

I have this strong conviction ever since

Both parents and educators must share the responsibility of accompanying their children/students through the process of growing, learning, and maturing. that the home and the school complement each other. The parents cannot put the responsibility of meeting all of their children’s developmental needs in the hands of the educators. Parents must not blame solely the educators if their child fails or misbehaves. Likewise, educators must not blame parents if their students do not cooperate or comply with school regulations and policies.

Blame games are childish. Both parents and educators must claim their respective responsibilities in how to accompany their children/students as they go through the process of growing, learning, and maturing.

PHOTO BY MA. PATRICIA R. BALTAzAR

Spare the rod, spoil the child I find it totally unfortunate when I encounter parents who are so overprotective of their children that they spoil them. They defend their children’s misbehavior and even threaten to sue the school for antagonizing their children by trying to address these children’s issues.

They refuse to be objective. And if ever they recognize their children’s fault, they will put all the blame on the school for not preventing things from happening.

On the other hand, I find it totally consoling when I encounter parents who are very objective in the way they cooperate with the school in handling whatever misconduct their children have done. They attend the right forum provided by the school for due process to take place.

They cooperate with the investigations, hoping that the truth will be unearthed and dealt with objectively. And they welcome whatever action may be taken as stipulated in the school’s regulations if their children are found guilty of misconduct.

They even help the school make their children responsible enough to accept the consequence of their misconduct so that the experience, no matter how bitter, may become formative.

Team players for the win Both the home and the school must accept each other as members of only one team whose main objective is for the children to be responsible members of the Society and the Church. All their efforts and actions in meeting this objective must be coordinated. Both parties must be ready to take the extra mile in putting everything

Losing by default I personally admire parents who are always present in every school activity where they are invited to join.

Whether it be Parents’ Orientation, Parents’ Formation, Parent-Child Encounter, or just the quarterly giving out of report cards or the occasional events in the school such as Family Day, Foundation Day, Family Recollections, etc. It is amazing to see a very clear behavioral pattern among students in relationship to their parents’ active participation in school activities. Those students whose parents show little interest in their children’s activities in school are oftentimes the ones who show the same disinterest and mediocrity in their studies and even in their decorum and conduct.

Sad to say, I have already encountered parents who see the school as their children’s surrogate parents. Once they enroll their children, they leave to the school the formation and molding of their children. For these parents, their main responsibility is to work hard in order to afford the cost of putting their children in respectable schools, and then they let the school do the parenting job for them. When called for a parent-teacher conference to discuss issues concerning their children, they find 101 excuses not to attend, or they will send their children’s grandparents in their place. Their only involvement in school is to pay the tuition.

They are so preoccupied with work in the office that they fail to realize that their main work is in the home, in the heart of their children. Too late for them to realize that they are practically losing their real wealth, their children, by default.

aside when the welfare of their children is at stake. There are times that decisions must be made where their children must take the “bitter pill” for necessary healing and for the proper maturing process to take place. It will be a very positive experience for the children to see their parents and teachers working in harmony to bring out the best in them. Such harmonious relationship will surely contribute to the positive disposition of the children in receiving and responding to their parents’ and teachers’ guidance.

Planting good seeds for a rich harvest To be hands-on responsible parents and educators in guiding and teaching children is a tall order. But if both parents and educators put their acts together, then even the most difficult burden becomes bearable. If children experience positive collaborations between parents and educators, they will surely bear positive attitudes and convictions. Remember, whatever children receive from the adults around them will most probably be the very same things they will give to their children once they become adults. * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

FamilyMatters

3

FAMILY NOTE

FamilyMatters Dads

The stereotypical dad traditionally takes a backseat to mom, even a hands-off approach, when it comes to child rearing. But it’s heartening to see this outdated and debunked mindset being increasingly challenged— by fathers themselves!

This issue, Family Matters takes its hat off to involved, caring, doting daddies who don’t shirk from their parenting duties, and instead regard their fatherhood as a privilege, a blessing, and a joy. Our very own Robotars creator, Jomike Tejido, who covers this issue (page 16), is one such devoted young dad; so is TV’s cool Papa Chen, Richard Yap (page 48).

Indeed, the tribe of fathers who are willingly and happily doing their share in bringing up the kids—from staying awake at night to change diapers or soothe a colicky baby, to feeding, reading, and bathing a preschooler, and playing sports and going on outings with their tween or teen—is growing and spreading.

For proof, just turn to page 19, where we’ve gathered this awesome group of real-life dads who relate how they take a proactive stance to parenting, constantly balancing family life with the demands of work.

Time and time again, studies have shown how warm, affectionate fathers exert a positive influence on their brood, bringing out the best qualities and untapped potentials in their sons and daughters. Actor-singer Elmo Magalona and Bosconian Elian Idioma can attest to this, and you can read how the late Francis M continues to inspire Elmo (page 24) and how Dad Mike is mentor and best friend to 12-year-old Elian (page 32).

So how does your daddy bring out the best in you? Let us know by sending us an e-mail with your answer and a picture of you and your dad at familymatters14344@gmail.com.

And to all fathers out there, whether you’re called Dad, Daddy, Papa, Itay, Tatay, or Tatang, just know that your kids love, appreciate, and adore you.

Happy Father’s Day on June 15!

- George Herbert

Photo by Jun Pinzon

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

Cut out and paste on a cardboard, punch a hole, and put a ribbon through.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

Romelda C. Ascutia, Editor E-mail: rascutia1000@gmail.com

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bookmark

ILLUSTRATIONS BY RICUS AFABLE

Why we

FamilyMatters Volume 2 • Number 1 JUNE-AUGUST 2014 PUBLISHER Don Bosco Press, Inc. ADVISER Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB EDITOR Romelda C. Ascutia ART DIRECTOR Haidee Afable COLUMNIST Atty. Tito R. Bundang CONTRIBUTORS Aileen Carreon Rolando C. delos Reyes II Excel V. Dyquiangco Erlinda Esguerra Cecille Esperanza Annabellie Gruenberg Jose Elian T. Idioma Ruth Manimtim-Floresca Stephanie Mayo Maridol Rañoa-Bismark Ross Valentin, M.D.

LETTERS

Fearless conviction For me, the March-May issue of Family Matters is one of the most informative issues you’ve ever published.

I used to subscribe to other parenting magazines, but I eventually dropped them for being too superficial and lacking real conviction. Family Matters is different because it fearlessly makes a stand, even if it may be unpopular, about “controversial” issues like premarital sex and family planning. It also seeks to revive traditional Filipino values like praying and eating together, and stresses their continued relevance in modern times. Finally, I like its emphasis on cultivating a loving, supportive family to fully develop the potentials and talents of our children. Please continue to discuss situations that Filipino families encounter in real life and show us how God wants us to act in the face of threats to the unity of the family.

Bernadette Borlada

Finally! I’m so glad you featured Julie Anne San Jose in your Youth Talk Section. She’s my favorite young star

PHOTOGRAPHERS Ma. Patricia R. Baltazar Raymond S. Mamaril

today because she’s

PRODUCTION MANAGER Early Macabales

down-to-earth! Thank

CIRCULATION Jaymie Ibana

you and God bless!

HAIR & MAKEUP ARTIST Ranilo “Paula” D. Gabor LEGAL COUNSEL Sapalo Velez Bundang & Bulilan Law Offices PRINTER Don Bosco Press, Inc. is a quarterly magazine published by Don Bosco Press, Inc. Antonio Arnaiz corner Chino Roces Avenues P.O. Box 1601 MCPO, 1223 Makati City Philippines All rights reserved © 2014 by DON BOSCO PRESS, INC. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without permission from the publisher.

Telefax: 892-8174 Tell us what you think! Your news and views are welcome. E-mail us at familymatters14344@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of FamilyMatters and will not be returned.

Letters may be edited, and full names will be published unless otherwise specified by the sender.

absolutely real and

Nice del Rosario

The dating game I’m really grateful for “Rules of Dating” and “The Waiting Game” [both March-May 2014]. My daughter just turned 14. Lately I’ve been worrying about how to go about talking to her about the delicate matter of dating, like what she can and can’t do, and how she should always take care of herself and use her head instead of her heart, especially when the boy turns on the charm.Thanks for these two wonderful articles that I have kept for reference. I now know how to handle this aspect of a teenager’s life with more confidence.

Mae Anne Caparas

Relatable and applicable The March-May issue is really a treasured read for a mom like me with three young and active kids. I like how the articles are easy to read and yet are packed with thoughtful advice and reminders that truly relate to what’s happening in Filipino families and that directly apply to our society and culture.The cover story featuring Rissa Trillo with her experience of tough love from her concerned mom is so inspiring. I am also glad to see that an anti-bullying law has been passed. And it’s great that your mag gives homage to mothers and teaches children ways to honor their moms, not just on Mother’s Day but every day.Thanks and more power to you!

Giselle Pangan JUNE-AUGUST 2014

FamilyMatters

5

FRAMING

NURTURING

nature Little steps you can take to help save Mother Earth in a big way.

BY FR. BERNARD P. NOLASCO, SDB

June 5 is World Environment Day. But why not make every day world-saving day?

Here are five earth-friendly things we can start doing regularly until they become personal habits.

Be energy friendly. Plan your trips. Do car pools.

For short distances, take public transport or, better yet, just walk. Plan wisely the use of electric appliances, most especially the air-conditioner, washing machine, flat iron, and microwave oven. Proper and strict regulations on energy consumption must be put in place at home.

Take care of plants. If your space for a garden at home is very small or even nonexistent, you can at least cultivate plants in pots. Place them within reach of the rays of the morning sun. Citrus plants like calamansi are the best. They require less space and bear fruits in just a few months. If you have enough garden space, plant at least one fruit-bearing tree and you will surely enjoy its fruits in due time.

Give zero-waste management a chance. Leftover food can be reheated, reinvented, shared. Old things can be repaired, remodeled, sold, or donated. Biodegradable materials can be recycled, or buried in one’s backyard.

Nonbiodegradable materials can be sold or donated. And if you really want to dispose of them, present them not as rubbish but as just excess or superfluous materials so that garbage collectors will still find them as precious treasures.

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Live a healthy lifestyle. Remember that the best person to promote and develop a healthy environment is someone who values his or her health. Say NO to any form of vice. Observe a balanced diet, which need not be expensive. Give yourself enough sleep. Do regular stretching and brisk walking. Affect others with your warm smile and sweet greetings. Impose on yourself less time for using gadgets and more time for real interactions.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY RICUS AFABLE

Maintain a healthy environment in and out of your home. With or without house help, daily house cleaning is a must, especially for the kitchen, toilet and bathroom, and dining area. It is easier to keep the house clean and orderly if this is done daily. If you want a better world to live in, start with your home.

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

FamilyMatters

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VALUING

happy children

What coaxes a bright smile from a child is not a surfeit of material things, but intangibles that are taught, shared, and practiced in an atmosphere of love.

BY ERLINDA ESGUERRA

O

ne of the best gifts parents can give their children is the gift of happiness. One night, as I tucked my then 5-year-old eldest daughter in bed, she pointed at her chest and said, “Mama, I have a happy heart.”

True enough, she always seemed to have a spring in her step (she loved to walk on tiptoe) and a smile on her face, as if she was always up to something. Yet, what she said surprised me, for I didn’t expect a 5-year-old to articulate her feelings so well. As a mother, I felt like a winner to hear such words from my daughter, considering that we were going through tough times then.

My husband and I were in a most stressful period in our lives, facing financial challenges.

We never bought our child any luxuries. We hardly saw the inside of a shopping mall together as a family.

My daughter’s more affluent titas

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would take her and her baby sister to shopping malls, and that was when they might come home with new pairs of shoes or new clothes. There was one Christmas when my eldest child’s holiday dress was a plain shirt and an old blue skirt that I found after rummaging through her dresser. The best Christmas gift I could give her was a cheap She-Ra doll (She-Ra was the fictional heroine in SheRa: Princess of Power, an animated television series that ran in the ’80s.)

Yet, she said, “Mama, I have a happy heart.”

I just said a little prayer of thanks to the Lord. That was all we wanted—happy children. How our girls could be so happy without weekly shopping trips, without new dresses, without expensive Christmas gifts, I had no idea. I saw how other children made sour faces whenever they didn’t get what they wanted.

It was then that I realized how important the home was in raising happy children. It’s the kind of family life we build, it’s the air they breathe at home, it’s the culture we create. Psychologist Jim Taylor called it the “Family Value Culture.”

It’s in the hands of the parents. That’s why parenting is such an awesome task. Good family cultures have raised presidents, heroes, and happy, welladjusted children. Dysfunctional value cultures have bred a lot of unhappy people who are unable to reach their full potential.

ILLUSTRATION BY

BY RICUS RICUS AFABLE AFABLE ILLUSTRATION

Creating the desired family value culture Teaching values need not be a planned formal talk with the child, although talking is still good, of course. But every day, let’s be quick to spot opportunities to teach values. Children do not always hear, but how they always act they will remember well into adulthood. Some examples: If we want to teach the value of persistence, we have to allow children to make mistakes until they master their tasks. We have to stop ourselves from

Top: The writer’s daughters when they were young— Cristina (left) and her older sister Carmina.

Above: Now adults, Carmina (left) is an author/publisher, while Cristina is a product manager based in the U.S. Carmina is holding her daughter, Elianna.

taking over. The task could be as simple as tying their shoelaces, or helping to dress the smaller children.

If we want to teach the value of responsibility, we can assign specific tasks for the children to accomplish, like setting the table or washing dishes. (Our family decided to go without house help when the kids were growing up, and each of us had a specific responsibility.)

We can teach discipline, especially around schoolwork. We can limit TV watching to a certain time, after which the children should be doing their homework—this was my father’s simple

Good family cultures have raised presidents, heroes, and happy, well-adjusted children.

secret to making all of his children honor students.

To teach compassion for other people, we can go visit grandma and think of what the kids can do to brighten her day. If we want them to have a heart for the poor, we can let them personally donate some of their toys to charitable centers. Or we can let them play with yaya’s children.

Let’s get our children’s hands dirty and immerse them in this value.

To teach self-esteem and self-confidence, let’s be generous with our praise.

A child needs a lot of reinforcement, and we can be his cheering squad. Family is the place that he knows will always be there for him no matter what.

We can be as creative as we can in teaching values. The key is consistency and repetition; after some time the values and behaviors will become habits.

What we sow What can we expect to reap from creating this desired family value culture?

What we are giving the child is something priceless—a sense of identity and belonging. He can take pride in saying, “This is my family. This is where I belong.

This is who we are, what we do, and these are the things we believe in.”

This feeling of connectedness with the family, where the child knows he is valued and loved, is key to his happiness.

It will be his protection later in life, when he discovers a different world with a different set of values. If we have done a good job in creating a culture of values that are noble, worthy, and aligned with God’s teachings, our children will go through life with the right moral compass when called to make critical decisions.

Peers and popular culture may try to get them off track, but they will not be influenced—they have something greater within themselves that refuses to be swayed.

As the Holy Bible says in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” *

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

FamilyMatters

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PROTECTING

YOUR BEST

sh Don’t disregard these follow-up vaccinations—they could save your child’s life when he hits adolescence.

BY ROSS VALENTIN, M.D.

t

ost parents have the mistaken notion that only infants and little children need immunization, unaware that even teens also need it. This lack of awareness, coupled with high vaccine costs and fewer doctor visits during the adolescent years, makes immunization among teenagers a less popular practice.

Unfortunately, this leaves many youngsters vulnerable to serious but preventable diseases that could bring damaging, even fatal, health consequences to young lives.

It’s important to continue to bring your older kids to the doctor for immunization. This is because after some time the protection from the vaccines they received in early childhood begins to wear off, and they need booster shots for added protection.

Certain illnesses are also more prevalent during adolescence. As our teenagers begin to experiment, encounter more people, and engage in high-risk activities, they become more exposed to a wider range of diseases. Immunization protects them, as well as prevents them from spreading diseases in the community.

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ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

Why teens need their shots

Moreover, vaccination schedules are regularly updated in light of new facts born of new studies, and adolescents may be recommended to get a vaccine that was not required before.

What they need to get

PHOTO BY MA. PATrICIA r. BAlTAzAr

These infections are prevalent in the adolescent years and necessitate preventive vaccination.

Neisseria meningitides is often referred to as meningococcus, a bacterium that can cause meningitis and other forms of meningococcal disease such as meningococcemia.

Pertussis, commonly called whooping cough, is a highly contagious respiratory disease marked by uncontrollable, violent coughing which often makes breathing difficult.

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection.

Influenza is an infection of the nose, throat, and lungs that can easily spread through the community.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine in the United States recommend these adolescent vaccines.

Tdap vaccine All adolescents need one tetanus and diphtheria toxoids and acellular pertussis (Tdap) shot. The vaccine protects against three serious diseases: tetanus, a serious bacterial illness that causes painful tightening of the muscles; diphtheria, a bacterial infection that affects the membranes of the throat and nose and can cause severe damage to the kidneys, nervous system, and heart; and pertussis.

Instead of the tetanus and diphtheria toxoids (Td) vaccine, your adolescent should get a single dose of the Tdap vaccine between 11 and 18 years of age, preferably as soon as possible. If your child received Td during adolescence but not Tdap, he should still receive his Tdap inoculation.

After some time the protection from the vaccines begins to wear off, and they need booster shots for added protection. adolescents. This vaccine protects against some bacteria that cause meningitis and a blood infection called sepsis. Meningitis, an inflammation of the lining of the brain and the spinal cord, can be very serious and even fatal.

A child should get his first teenage dose of MCV4 by age 11 or 12, followed by a booster (or second) shot between ages 16 and 18. Teens and young adults who were not previously vaccinated should get it as soon as possible.

If your adolescent is a college freshman living in a dormitory, be sure he gets this vital vaccine.

Human papillomavirus vaccine As teens become more curious and start to engage in high-risk activities, they become more vulnerable to human papillomavirus (HPV) infections. In fact, more than half of sexually active males and females will become infected with

the HPV at some time in their lives. Thus, there is a need to protect them.

There are two kinds of HPV vaccine.

The quadrivalent vaccine prevents cervical cancer and genital warts, and the bivalent vaccine prevents cervical cancer only.

The HPV vaccine can prevent most cases of cervical cancer in females if it is given before she is exposed to the virus— so women need to receive the HPV vaccine before their first sexual contact.

From 11 or 12 years old, girls and boys need three doses of this vaccine over a six-month period. It may be given to girls as early as 9 years old. The second dose should be administered two months after the first, and the third dose six months after the first.

Females 13 to 26 years old who were not previously vaccinated should get this series of shots. If your child already has an HPV infection, he or she may still benefit from the vaccine as it can still

Meningococcal conjugate vaccine (MCV4) Cases of meningitis are high in infants and

JUNE-AUGUST2014 2014 FamilyMatters FamilyMatters JUNE-AUGUST

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provide protection from other forms of HPV infections. It is best to consult your doctor about this.

Protection from HPV is expected to be long-lasting. However, you should still bring your daughter to an OBgynecologist for regular Pap tests to screen for cervical cancer.

Over and above all these, the best protection from HPV is to say NO to casual sex and to respect sexual relationship as only to be entered into within the sacred boundaries of marriage.

Influenza vaccine The flu vaccine helps protect against the seasonal flu, the H1N1 flu or swine flu, and the problems that the disease can cause. Because flu viruses are always changing, the flu vaccine is given yearly.

It is crucial that teens with diabetes, HIV, rheumatoid arthritis, sickle cell anemia, seizure disorders, and asthma receive the flu vaccine every year because the flu can worsen these diseases.

Catch-up vaccines Parents whose child did not receive all the recommended doses of the vaccines for hepatitis B, measles, mumps, and rubella

The best protection from HPV is to say NO to casual sex and to respect sexual relationship as only to be entered into within the sacred boundaries of marriage.

(MMR), varicella (chickenpox), and polio should make sure he gets them during the teen years.

Additional vaccines may be given by doctors to adolescents who have chronic illnesses, other health conditions, or who are at higher risk for some vaccinepreventable diseases.

Be safe, be smart, and get your teen vaccinated today! *

How safe are vaccines?

Vaccines for teens are very safe. Most of their side effects are minor and localized, or conďŹ ned, to the vaccination site. To check for any reactions to the vaccine, doctors may require your child to stay in the clinic for up to 15 minutes after the shot has been given.

Many parents ask whether it is safe to have a child who has a cold or other minor illness to be vaccinated. In most cases, vaccines can still be given; there are very few instances when vaccines will be postponed or withheld by your doctor.

Never hesitate to ask your doctor about your health concerns. He can determine whether your child can be inoculated or not, if he missed out on any shot, or if he needs a speciďŹ c vaccine.

JUNE-AUGUST2014 2014 FamilyMattersJUNE-AUGUST 12FamilyMatters 12

PHOTO PHOTO BY

BY MA. MA. PATRICIA PATRICIA R. R. BALTAzAR BALTAzAR

PROTECTING

BEHAVING

Courtesy School interaction programs offer an opportunity to teach boys and girls the gender-appropriate way to treat and talk to each other.

BY ROLANDO C. DELOS REYES II, MA ED. RGC PHOTO BY RAYMOND S. MAMARIL

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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BEHAVING

O

BEHAVING

ne of the highlights of high school life in single-sex educational institutions is the school interaction, where students from an exclusive all-girls school meet those from an exclusive all-boys school.

As the day of the interaction draws near, the students’ emotions begin reaching fever pitch as they wonder what type of persons they will meet, and more importantly, how these people will treat them. Both boys and girls also become very sensitive about their physical appearance, making sure every strand of hair is in place and every inch of their skin is flawless.

As the adults who are tasked to guide these young people, whether as their

parents, educators, or guardians, we can help make this inter-school activity a time to remember—particularly for the young men and women who still need to discover more about the opposite sex.

Preparing knights and princesses Personal identity is marked by one’s knowledge of the similarities and differences between genders. A young person derives his image of manhood or womanhood from his or her parents— from how the father demonstrates what it means to be a man, and from how the mother displays the characteristics of a woman.

Gender security—or the confidence in one’s biological sex—is acquired during childhood and is tested during the teenage years. Thus from their child’s early years,

Thus from their child’s early years, parents must already exhibit the same-sex qualities they want their son or daughter to identify with.

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parents must already exhibit the same-sex qualities they want their son or daughter to identify with—the father exhibiting masculine traits for his son, and the mother demonstrating feminine ways for her daughter. Conversely, parents must show the good traits of the “other” sex to their children of the opposite gender.

Young people should also be made to see what their calling is in relation to the opposite gender. Boys should know that they are called to be knights—to lead, initiate, and protect. Girls should know that they are called to be princesses—to receive, respond, and nurture. These are not typical gender roles, but part of the intricate design that delineates the

differences between men and women as these dissimilarities resonate in the language of the body and in the essence of the spirit. It is by this calling that young men and women practice the innate complementarity of their genders.

Practicing chivalry Chivalry is a code of conduct used by knights during medieval times. Behavioral choices such as letting the ladies go first during a buffet dinner, assisting them in getting off a vehicle, or pulling out the chair for the lady to sit upon—these should never be labeled as old-fashioned.

It is in school interactions that boys are taught to demonstrate social graces by treating girls in a chivalrous manner—from introducing themselves or others to new acquaintances and initiating and sustaining conversations, to observing table manners and having socially acceptable fun together as a group.

Courteous spontaneity is key to good relations with the opposite sex, with the boys learning how to deal with the complex dialogue of girls, and the girls welcoming efforts by the boys to interact despite the latter’s lack of verbal skills.

This principle should extend not only to face-to-face encounters but also in cyberspace—young people spend a lot of time online chatting and tweeting, and this sometimes breeds misunderstandings and misinterpretations unless courtesy and respect are always practiced.

Image bearers of God Young people should also be reminded that the goal of school interactions is to get to know people of the opposite gender. Oftentimes, excited teenagers use such encounters to jump onto the boyfriend-girlfriend bandwagon and avoid being alluded to by the saying, “If you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re a loser.” Immediately after such an interaction, these young people upload posts and tweets declaring they have found their “one true love,” or, worse, engage in online fights over who has the right to claim the affections of their shared true

Let us help our teens realize that building strong, healthy, and pure friendships is more important than seeking an exclusive romantic relationship.

love. This should not be the case.

Instead, we must educate the young to know themselves sufficiently first, so they will become confident with what they have to offer to and what they want to receive from a person in the name of friendship.

Moreover, they should be made to identify themselves as image bearers of God. Men are called to show the strength of God, to be like a sword that is willing to fight the battles and seek the adventures that await them as they go through life. Women are called to show the beauty of God and share like a cup their reflections and wisdom with those who are downtrodden. When they have grown in self-knowledge, these youngsters are ready to impart their strength and beauty to the other, so that men and women may together reflect the full image of God. This is the wisdom of single-sex education—to build a foundation and

serve as a guide for gender identity when establishing relationships with the opposite sex. Let us help our teens realize that building strong, healthy, and pure friendships is more important than seeking an exclusive romantic relationship.

By helping them to understand that each person is a reflection of God, boys will abide by chaste conversations, and girls will subscribe to modest fashion.

Curiosity leads to attraction, attraction leads to knowing the other person, and knowing the other person leads to knowing oneself more. Finally, knowing oneself more leads to knowing God more.

As Melvin Wong, Ph.D., writes in his 2008 book, Raising Gender-Confident Kids: A Practical Guide: “Mothers should tell their sons that they are good men and good and healthy girls will be attracted to them. Fathers will affirm their daughters’ attractiveness and their internal goodness and that good guys will be interested in knowing them.” *

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CELEBRATING

THE MAN BEHIND

Robotars Meet the young dad and child-at-heart creator of the highly popular kiddie activity booklet.

BY RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA PHOTOS BY RAYMOND S. MAMARIL

JUNE-AUGUST2014 2014 FamilyMattersJUNE-AUGUST 16FamilyMatters 16

Y

Y

oung readers of Family Matters should be familiar with the supplement Robotars Kids’ Magazine that comes with every issue of the quarterly publication. But how much do you know about the brains behind this engaging activity booklet, Jomike Tejido?

He’s a versatile artist and architect who discovered art even before he started school. “Art [was] my hobby and a form of entertaining myself, trying [to see] if I could draw… characters from TV shows and books,” he says.

For Robotars, Jomike gets his ideas from his varied interests and his love of life. “I had various experiences as a kid— playing sports, traveling, and getting into art—real experiences of a child during a non-Internet era!”

Growing up, he was into soccer and was very active, and he credits his father for encouraging him to live a physical lifestyle. “He often reminded me how sports should always be part of my life.

We rented a lot of nature videos of Nat Geo as there was no cable TV yet back then,” Jomike says. “These little things made me love art and life, and play around with turning natural forms into drawings.”

All these aspects of his happy childhood help him generate the content

of the booklet. “I would like kids to enjoy the world around them and be inspired to explore more, ask more, read more, and basically appreciate the people and environment that surround them,” he adds.

The kiddie magazine, through his whimsical characters, also subtly promotes nationalism and environmental awareness, and seeks to engage young minds with its art contests and activities.

Jomike’s dad also had a big influence on his artistic development. “My talent was developed with the help of my father and the unconventional house-office setup where we lived.”

His father, also an architect, had a lot of drawing tools in his informal office located in one room of the house. “He would show me how animals and 3-D forms were drawn on scratch papers, or the ‘stretcher’ or paper underlining that was used by pre-computer-aided architects of the ’80s,” he recalls.

An artist is born Jomike had just graduated from Grade 7 when Junior Inquirer (JI) was launched. “I read that they accepted drawings from kids, so I dug up my old Grade 3 drawing and sent it to them,” he says.

The drawing—a pen-and-ink rendition of his messy study desk—got published and earned him his first payment.

Throughout high school, he did illustrations for various story projects of JI.

Jomike also joined art competitions, such as the Philippine Board on Books for Young People (PBBY) Illustrators’ Prize where he entered 3-D clay artwork. “I studied the craft of illustration on my own while getting tips from practicing artists from InK [Ang Ilustrador ng Kabataan, an organization of illustrators to which he belongs] along the way.”

“It was no easy path as I pushed myself into an industry at age 18 with no formal art training,” he says.

Although he didn’t win the PBBY Illustrators’ Prize, it led to his first bookillustration project, Abot Mo Ba angTainga Mo? (Adarna House 2001). “This boosted my confidence and my interest in the craft of making books, so I went into writing books as well.”

As of this writing, he now has over 70 published titles, some of which he also authored.

Multitalented artist At present, Jomike dabbles in different art forms, categorized under tabs on his website www.jmtejido.com. “In general, they are fine art (banig paintings), pop art for kids (foldabots and robotars), children’s book writing and illustration, and wooden animal sculptures,” he says.

“Illustration for children’s books and paintings take up most of my time these days.”

Jomike says that his Architecture degree has helped him in the technical side of drawing and instilled in him discipline and an appreciation for details.

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CELEBRATING

He adds that he likes his freelance lifestyle with its variety of activities and variability in schedule. “The fact that I get to create and invent things for a living is what I enjoy. As there are no rigid rules, I am fueled by an intrinsic motivation to create something excellent each day.”

His work is not confined in the Philippines. He has worked with international publishers who saw his artworks online and sent an inquiry via e-mail. “As everything is coursed through the Internet, I feel lucky to be part of a generation of location-independent artists who still get to stay close to home rather than be forced to migrate,” he says.

Eventually, in addition to painting and publishing books, he wants to get into furniture design. “Creating my latest Elly riders, or elephant dressers that people can ride on, I believe I can add color and interest to interior spaces as well as make functional pieces of art that can easily be appreciated by kids and adults.”

Family man Although busy with work, Jomike makes sure he spends quality time with his wife, Haraya Corazon, and four-year-old daughter Haya Sophia.

“My wife and I met when we were kids during our dads’ annual high school barkada reunion. We barely spoke then, until we reached high school and I asked her out to our prom,” he recollects. “We were together from then on and, after 12 years, we got married in 2009.”

He describes himself as a sensitive husband who is attuned to his wife’s feelings and who communicates with her a lot. “It helps that we know each other through and through… We practically grew up together and have gone through the ups and downs of being a teenager up to now, in our early 30’s.”

Jomike acknowledges that his work often gets in the way of family time.

“But things always fall into place with compromise and understanding. Each day [we are still] excited to do things together, especially traveling, eating out, experiencing new things, sharing ideas, and thinking of things to make our Sophia’s life more colorful each day.”

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My child-friendly list Jomike Tejido makes sure he does these things for his little Sophia: Be there for her. Dad’s physical presence in general life activities—mealtimes, family gatherings, Mass—is important. This gives emotional security to a child that is essential to making her feel she belongs to a complete family.

Allot quality time. A father can be present for long periods of time but without engaging the child in conversation or interaction, leaving it to the caregiver to perform.

Jomike thinks this is less effective than a dad spending a short but focused time with his child where they talk with each other and interact with others and the environment.

“Aside from this, a lot of hugs and kisses should be given as part of the physical bond between parent and child, especially if the child’s a girl,” he adds.

Be a friend, too. There must be times for breaking out of the parent mold and having fun, “not like being in a park fun, but in simple things like spilling something and laughing about it,” says Jomike.

Provide encouragement. When teaching things, an encouraging and supportive approach is better than doing things by the book. This will let the child love the process of learning, whether it’s a craft or a sport.

Daddy's little girl When his daughter was born in April 2010, Jomike felt proud to be a dad, but was also scared “of all the strings that come with it, like the physical needs, expenses, and fears of how to be a good father.”

He says what came foremost to his mind when he held her for the first time was how fragile she was. “I was worried about holding her since I’d never held a baby before. I also thought that I would be playing with dolls soon!”

His wife Raya was naturally more handson with their newborn, but Jomike helped out in many ways, enjoying in particular such activities as feeding, teaching, reading, and making their baby sleep.

He says he is reveling in his daughter’s stage of growth right now, when she is

more independent, does imaginative play, learns proactively, follows procedures, and learns to reason out.

Jomike would like his daughter to learn to love, respect, and appreciate life. “With a zest for life, I believe a person can do anything she aims for due to her intrinsic curiosity in and appreciation for the people and environment around her, which brings us to respect,” he says. “General respect for authority, elders, and faith would be a good backbone for growth. Hopefully she will gain back the respect she gives to others.”

He also wants her to have selfconfidence, believing it plays a vital role in defining oneself, knowing what one wants, and making one resourceful enough to overcome trials. *

BONDING

DAD’S

right here!

These caring, loving fathers reveal the generous dividends they receive for investing their time and energy in their biggest asset— their kids.

BY RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA PHOTO BY RAYMOND S. MAMARIL

arenting is a tough job and, according to Tim Hansel, author of What Kids Need Most in a dad, “It takes time to be a good father. It takes effort—trying, failing, and trying again. [But] above all else, a father is a man who is honest enough to realize that he has to be more than ‘just a good man.’”

But for these featured daddies, it’s worth all the sacrifices because their efforts are repaid a hundredfold. Here, Family Matters shares with our readers what these daddies have to say about the challenges—and rewards—of being an involved and accessible parent.

Daddy duty For these parents, being a dad means giving your kids generous slices of your time and your utmost attention, as well as making the commitment to participate fully in raising them.

Rain de Ocampo, a training facilitator and dad to Nathaniel, 14, and Kirsten Sky, 10, believes that “maintaining a close relationship

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Choosing

BONDING BONDING

“Maintaining a close relationship with our kids should be every parent’s top priority. It should precede work or earning money.”

Daddy G-Jeff with kids Exo, Dave, Mishka, and Yanna

Teacher Noni with his wife Katz and kids Nika, Anton, and Jesu.

Dad Rain with Nathaniel and Kirsten

with our kids should be every parent’s top priority. It should precede work or earning money. Parents should always remember that we are raising [future] adults and that we play an important role in whoever they turn out to be.”

Papa to Nika, 10, Anton, 8, and Jesu 5, Noni Odulio, early childhood educator and director of Little Archers Learning Center in Parañaque City, says an active father does his fair share of child care.

“I don’t consider being a father separate from my identity as a person. If anything, being a father is what defines me as a person,” he explains. “Being an active parent means just being present and doing what needs to be done for your kids.”

“You have to be there when they need you, even in the most simple of situations,” says virtual assistant Ryan San Juan, dad to Ben, 10, and Maki, 3. “If your children ask you for help in tying their shoelaces, don’t leave it to the yaya to do

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“If you let your children know that they are loved, kids grow up to be loving individuals themselves.” it for them. Give them [your] time. They value every second you spend with them.”

Richard Mamuyac, a communications specialist, shares that even though his son, Charles Anthony, 5, has a yaya, he

still finds time to be hands-on. “I prepare his milk, watch TV with him, and read him a story until he falls asleep at night.”

Having fun But being with the little ones is not just about doing things for them, it’s also doing things with them as you build good times and collect sweet memories together.

When bonding with his kids, Ryan lets them choose the activities they want. “I do what they want to do, not what I want us to do. Ben likes watching movies. With Maki, who is very playful, we enjoy running around and taking turns blowing bubbles and popping them.”

“Invest time talking to your kids,” advises G-Jeff Lamigo, a dad of four who does media and communications work for a nonprofit agency. “I reserve my weekends for the family.

“Exo, 16, loves to cook so he appreciates that I give him tips and guidance while

executing a good recipe. Now, his adobo tastes way better than mine!” continues the proud dad. “Dave, 15, is the guitar lover, so I jam with him whenever he tinkers with his Fender.”

His daughters Mishka, 9, and Yanna, 6, enjoy chilling with him on lazy Saturday mornings. “We talk, I ask them silly

“At home, I let my kids share in my hobbies, especially Noah. I let him make his own fruit and veggie juice blends so he knows being healthy can be fun. We read the newspapers out loud using funny voices [to] improve comprehension, diction, and fluency. We read my comics together [because] I want him to grow up with a great imagination.”

Daddy Richard and Charles

Dad Mark with Noah and Moses

Dad Ryan with Maki and Ben

questions, we play the keyboards, and they buy my ‘knock-knock’ jokes,” he says. “Bonding with the girls ranges from shooting selfies together and sneaking out to eat ice cream, to doing the groceries together.”

As for Noni, he watches sports with the kids either on location or on TV. “I brought Anton to watch the UAAP basketball finals with me and my friends.

That was a great bonding moment!”

Daughter Nika likes watching movies, so he schedules movie dates once a week, even if it’s just at home. Jesu likes to eat corn and siopao. “Every so often, I buy some and bring it home to share as merienda,” adds Noni.

Mark Christian Parlade, PR director and dad to Noah, 9, and Moses, 2, plans their bonding moments not just to be fun times but also subtle teaching opportunities to shape young minds, talents, and character.

Perks of parenting The good thing about being physically present for your kids, whether to teach

“Being close to my kids is both a joy and an education, because you get to deeply discover how unique each one is.”

values and lessons or simply to enjoy life as a family, is that the benefits are not just one-sided. Indeed, there are great blessings in taking an active part in your brood’s growing-up years.

“Being close to your kids allows you to get to know them better and look deeper into their personalities,” notes Ryan. “They will not hesitate to open up to you, and this is a good foundation for a great parent-children relationship.”

Adds G-Jeff: “Being close to my kids is both a joy and an education, because you get to deeply discover how unique each one is. This [is] the privilege of being a father.”

Noni says he’s rarely lonely. “As my kids get older, I get to have automatic companions whenever I want. There are always hugs and kisses to go around, and there’s always someone to talk to and share a joke with.”

He also loves getting a frontrow seat to watching wonderful human beings develop. “And if you’re lucky, you get to help raise these adorable, all-around awesome people.”

By their side Essentially, what these men want to relay to their children is that they will always be there to see them through their journey.

“I have promised myself and my kids that I will always be around,” says Mark.

“I want my children to feel that I am always there for them. Even when I am not physically around, they will still know that I am with them. That’s a perpetual goal,” Rain says.

He explains the reasoning behind this philosophy: “If you let your children know that they are loved, kids grow up to be loving individuals themselves.

“Yes, they will make mistakes in the future,” he continues, “but if they know that you are there with them one hundred percent of the way, they will see life’s challenges as learning experiences and wonderful opportunities for growth and change. Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back to, and reasons to stay.” * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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Behaving DEVELOPING

7 hothead TIPS FOR SOOTHING A

hothead Teach Teach children children anger anger management management while while they’re they’re young young so so they they grow grow up up centered, centered, reasonable, reasonable, and and peace-loving. peace-loving.

e

BY BYANNABELLIE ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG GRUENBERG PHOTOS BY RAYMOND PHOTOS BY RAYMOND S.S.MAMARIL MAMARIL

JUNE-AUGUST2014 2014 FamilyMattersJUNE-AUGUST 22 FamilyMatters

very so often, we hear news about teens going on shooting sprees in schools or public places out of uncontrolled anger and extreme hatred.

You are horrified and outraged, wondering what drives these youngsters to commit murderous acts on people they hold grudges against, not even sparing the innocent bystanders in their fatal rampage.

Violent behavior in an individual can be triggered by several factors, and the seeds of violence can start at a very young age.

From ages 0 to 7 years, children still don’t have the capacity to understand what is bad and what is good. They are impressionists who take in everything they encounter and imitate what they see.

By ages 7 to 14, a part of their consciousness starts to awaken. At around 12, children begin to develop the capacity to understand how and why things happen, but this understanding is accompanied by strong feelings.

Interactions with people of different ages—friends, schoolmates, teachers, parents—and what media feed them affect them and become the foundation for their budding values.

Managing anger Here are some strategies for teaching young children to rein in their feelings.

Tip #1: Watch your own behavior, attitude, and language. Children are very observant about how you handle your own relationships. Strive to be calm, peaceful, and centered so that your kids will do the same.

Tip #2: Get to know them. Study your kids’ temperament and personality, and deal with their emotions according to these. A choleric child will express anger differently from a melancholic one. An outgoing and articulate child will react differently from an introverted and withdrawn child.

Tip #3: Allow feelings to be expressed. If your child needs to cry, scream, or talk, then let him. Stay out of his way to provide physical space but keep him within sight. After letting off steam, he will usually stop his antics or approach you for a hug. Then gently and calmly ask questions and initiate talk. If the child is very young, talking with the help of a favorite teddy bear, doll, or imaginary playmate might help. Always give assurances and comforting words.

Your little one needs to feel that he is in a safe space and that his feelings are validated by the adult. For teens, give them time to feel and think. Assure them right away that you are available to provide a helping hand or a listening ear.

It is very important for teens that they are listened to rather than lectured when they are agitated.

Tip #4: Deal with physical outbursts calmly. Find a safe place where a child can express emotions physically without destroying things or hurting people. Put mats, pillows, and soft punching bags around. If the child wants to go out, allow him to walk or run in a secured space.

Or if he is artistic, have materials on hand to expend his energies on. A calm and collected adult should be around to watch and supervise. Never lock in or lock out an angry child by himself, as this may be counterproductive, even hazardous. With

teens, quietly show you are there. If they want to go out, accompany them. If they need to walk, run, or jog, do it together.

Engage in respectful conversation.

This is the best time to teach empathy and compassion by projecting these qualities yourself.

Tip #5: Be a comforting presence to your child. No matter what his age, he needs a lot of affection and assurance during highly emotional moments. Even children who are throwing tantrums may be hugged from behind and held until they calm down. To hurt them when they are angry or in pain will just worsen the situation.

Tip #6: Stay objective. Try to see things from a child’s perspective. Hold off your thoughts, reactions, and advice until he seeks them. Separate your emotions from his. Don’t impose what you want him to think or do unless he asks.

Tip #7: Teach proper breathing.

After he makes an outburst, tell your son in a soothing voice to breathe, and start doing calming breathing exercises for him to follow. Train him to do this every time he feels the buildup of strong emotion. One exercise would be to exhale slowly first, and then inhale slowly, counting from one to four as you breathe in air. Before exhaling, pause briefly, then release the air slowly as you count from one to four. Repeat the cycle until both of you feel calmer. *

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The up-and-coming singer-actor wants not so much to step out of his late father’s shadow as to stand beside him, shoulder to shoulder, in accomplishments.

YOUTH TALK: STARRING

BY MARIDOL RANOA-BISMARK

ELMO MAGALONA:

How Dad inspires me f his dad, master rapper Francis Magalona, were alive today, he’d be mighty proud of how far Kapuso star Elmo Magalona has gone in his career.

The 20-year-old Elmo is doing well as the male lead of the remake of the romantic drama Villa Quintana, where he is paired for the first time with Janine Gutierrez.

Elmo also has his own business, Yellow Halo Guilt Free Kitchen, a restaurant in Ortigas that serves healthy dishes. He invested his hard-earned money as an actor-musician to become the youngest business partner at Yellow Halo, a decision he is more than happy with. “I’m not just helping myself. I’m helping others become and stay healthy,” he says.

JUNE-AUGUST2014 2014 FamilyMattersJUNE-AUGUST 24FamilyMatters 24

The two-year-old restaurant is doing so well that Elmo and his partners plan to open another branch and are thinking of ways to further improve the menu.

Elmo has his mom, Pia Magalona, to thank for giving him the courage to venture into the business at an age when most young people don’t know yet what to do with their life. She convinced Elmo to invest in Yellow Halo as a fallback position since a showbiz career is not stable.

The restaurant is a dream come true for Elmo, who has always wanted to venture into the lucrative food business.

“Napansin ko that food is an undying business. Feeling ko, ang knowledge sa pagluluto, hindi malalaos, hindi masasayang,” he observes.

“Kaleidoscope World,” and “Three Stars and a Sun,” among the other top songs of his father.

His dad’s shining example inspires Elmo to keep going when he feels tired from juggling work, business, and, until he took a leave, school. (He took time off from studying at De La Salle University-College of St. Benilde.)

It pushes Elmo to work harder, knowing his dad was a self-made man who made a name for himself through persistence and talent. Elmo hopes he can shine himself—through his showbiz career, his business, and his studies.

Resuming schooling The young star knows that if his dad were alive today, Francis M would frown on his

He remembers his father’s dogged persistence in pursuing his passion even when others didn’t believe in him.

Besides, food brings back fond memories of his dad puttering in the kitchen. “Nung bata pa ako, nakita ko ang dad ko na nagluluto for us. Gumagawa siya ng pizza,” he recalls.

Remembering Dad Francis M’s pizza creations are not the only thing Elmo remembers. He also remembers his father’s dogged persistence in pursuing his passion even when others didn’t believe in him.

“Kahit walang suporta ang music niya, he stuck to his guns because it was his passion,” says Elmo.

It seems hard to believe now, but many years ago when Pinoy rap was still notches below its foreign counterpart, Francis M had to fight bashers who said his music had no chance of making it.

“It [Francis M’s music] was considered a joke,” recalls Elmo.

Had his dad caved in to pressure, the music scene would be a lot poorer, never having known “Mga Kababayan Ko,”

son’s decision to shelve his Culinary Arts studies to make way for a hectic showbiz schedule.

Education, Elmo explains, was a top priority for his dad. “I hope to work around my schedule so I can return to school for the next trimester.”

Elmo knows going back to school is something he must do, not just for his dad, but for his future. The truth must have dawned on Elmo all the more when he joined his family in visiting his father’s grave on Francis M’s fifth death anniversary.

After praying with his family, Elmo proceeded to a media event where he and other young male artists featured in a magazine faced the press. The morning after, with only a little rest, he went straight to the taping of Villa Quintana.

Unlike in the early days of taping, when he felt the pressure of playing the male lead in the series, Elmo is now more relaxed before the cameras.

“I’m more comfortable now,” he says

with a smile. Besides, Janine is his friend off-cam and they have good chemistry. It also helped that both took acting workshops before the cameras started rolling.

Showbiz royalty And don’t forget: Elmo is to showbiz royalty born. His grandparents were screen legends Pancho Magalona and Tita Duran. Elmo’s sisters Maxene and Saab are also in showbiz.

It’s a double-edged sword that opens doors for Elmo, yet sets the bar a lot higher. Of course, the Kapuso artist can’t make any promises, but he’s doing his best.

He looks forward to resuming his interrupted music career. Elmo has two albums to his name. He was featured in a modern version of “Kaleidoscope World” (the marvel of technology sees father and son together, years after Francis has passed away).

Yes, Francis Magalona is very much alive in his son. * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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Meet greet

i

A brand-new school year is the perfect time to forge lasting friendships and expand your network of friends on campus!

BY AILEEN CARREON PHOTOS BY MA. PATRICIA R. BALTAzAR

t’s the start of another school year, and there are lots of things to look forward to—meeting new teachers, participating in new activities, learning new stuff, and befriending new classmates and schoolmates.

Being in a new school, a different class section, or a higher grade level may mean being separated from your longtime friends. But rather than focus on your “loss,” think of this as an opportunity to expand your circle of friends.

Making new acquaintances in school should be an enjoyable experience with these helpful tips.

Think positive Have a positive mindset to begin with it. This is especially helpful if you are feeling anxious about the new school year.

“Because feeling acceptance by others is so important, human beings have a fundamental fear that they will not be

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ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

YOUTH TALK: RELATING

liked or loved for who they really are.

This is especially true growing up. That is what causes the anxiety. It is even true of adults starting a new job, for example,” explains psychologist Naira Orbeta.

To help you combat the jitters, she suggests that you “indulge in positive self-talk, such as repeating statements like ‘I am happy to be meeting new friends,’ ‘I will be myself,’ or ‘I will be natural.’”

It’s normal to be a bit nervous. You’re not the only one with the jitters. What’s important to remember is it’s something you can overcome. Believe it!

Introduce yourself “Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself and ask someone his or her name. Approach as many people as you can because the school is supposed to be a safe environment to learn social skills,” says Orbeta.

She acknowledges that in our culture, we usually wait for introductions.

“Typically, we don’t go up to someone and introduce ourselves. This is perfectly fine especially when total strangers try to strike up a conversation in a mall, for example. But I believe that in a school setting, we should really learn the art of just saying, ‘Hi. My name is...’”

There are people who have been classmates for a month and who still have not introduced themselves to one

another. Orbeta feels this should never be the case. “We have to [discourage] this idea in schools and encourage students to just make it a point to greet. Besides, this is also part of good manners.”

Engage in conversations On what to talk about, Orbeta says the rule is to observe, listen, and take your cue from other people. “If they talk sports, you can ask questions like, ‘What sport do you play?’ If they talk about video games, then ask them what kind they like to play.”

If you want to start a conversation, talk about something that is common or

familiar to everyone. “You can start by speaking about something current. Ask about the assigned science project or if they’ve seen the latest movie. These are the simplest ways. Then play it by ear and go from there,” advises Orbeta.

She adds that you should always answer when spoken to and ask questions back in order to keep the conversation flowing, rather than keep silent or answer in monosyllables. And while talking is

Get involved in as many happenings around the campus as you can. That way, you can meet a wide variety of people.

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YOUTH TALK: RELATING

good, remember to listen and evince interest in what the others are saying.

wants to join be part of whatever you’re doing. If you’re playing volleyball or basketball during recess, allow others to join in, even those you haven’t previously been introduced to and are from a different year level or class section.

• During lunch break, make room for a classmate who would like to sit at your table. Lunch is a great time to chat with and get to know your peers better.

• Whether at a game or during lunch, make it a point to extend invitations to classmates who are usually too shy to ask if they could join you. Take the initiative in helping others become pals while befriending the newcomers yourself.

Show interest If you are eager to meet new people and make more friends, then do something.

Orbeta shares the following guidelines with those who want to be more approachable and interested, rather than aloof and bored: • When sitting, don’t slouch or slump in your chair and stare down. Sit up straight and show interest in your surroundings by looking around.

• When standing, face people. Don’t turn your back or angle away from them.

• Unless the room is freezing and you’re

Make verbal prompts such as “Oh, really?”

“I see.”

“That’s interesting.”

•

• • •

trying to keep warm, don’t cross your arms in any position. Research shows that it is a defensive posture that sends the message “keep away.” Better keep your arms loose at your sides.

If there’s talking going on, listen but don’t appear to eavesdrop on private chats. If you want to speak, look at the person in the eye and smile.

Nod your head while someone is talking to acknowledge that you are listening.

Make verbal prompts such as “Oh, really?” “I see.” “That’s interesting.”

Put away techie devices and give other people the attention they deserve.

Get involved in activities “Join clubs, play a sport, join a campus ministry. Get involved in as many happenings around the campus as you can.

That way, you can meet a wide variety of people,” suggests Orbeta.

It’s not just a great way to make new friends, it also gives you a chance to enjoy yourself in school and get into things that interest you and even support important causes you believe in.

Include everyone • Don’t discriminate. Be generous with your invitations and let everyone who

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Follow through Take time to talk to people you already know or have been introduced to. Keep in touch with your new associates and continue interacting with them. Stop and chat with them if you meet along the school corridors, or bump into each other at the mall or a restaurant. Maintain your relationships and show that you’re interested in the other person.

Having buddies in school is like having a personal support group. Friends give you a sense of belonging and security.

It is comforting to have people with whom you share the same experiences, especially as you discover new things while growing up.

“The friends you meet in school become part of your developmental journey. They witness how you grow and learn,” notes Orbeta. “Many years from now when everyone is older, you will look back on your school friendships. Hopefully, they will be great lifetime memories. In many cases, these friendships become lifelong bonds.” * Naira s. Orbeta is a private consultant-psychologist, trainor, and counselor. She is a sport psychology consultant at De La Salle University and works for Moozen Consulting. she currently serves as managing council treasurer and Philippine representative of the asia south Pacific association of sport Psychology.

YOUTH TALK: LEARNING

MAKING THE

grade i Try these seven neat study tricks to ace that test!

BY STEPHANIE MAYO PHOTOS BY RAYMOND S. MAMARIL

t’s the moment you dread the most—exams period!

You gear up once more for this stressful event with a slew of activities intended to enhance your brain’s performance.

You spend endless hours studying, in the process sacrificing sleep, ditching movie nights, and taking a hiatus from online social networks to review your notes and reread your textbooks. You attend study groups and even take memory-

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YOUTH TALK: LEARNING boosting vitamins, hoping these activities will give you an extra edge.

But when the results of the tests are revealed, you’re dismayed to see lousy grades—again. What did you do wrong? Is all you can ever hope for is a passing score?

start planning on how you can break up the topics within that span of time. This is also to avoid becoming overwhelmed while reviewing.”

2. Sleep, eat, move. You think forgoing sleep and dinner to study

“Like anything that we do in life, failing to plan is planning to fail.”

3. Cut down on study time. Don’t spend too much time studying. You might think sitting down for a long study session is an effective way to store all that data in your brain. But Teacher Ia says that overwhelming your brain is not the best way to make it retain information.

“I would suggest 30 minutes to one hour of study time to go over your

Don’t give up just yet. Why not take a break from your test-preparation routine and give these seven study strategies by experts a try? Who knows? They might just get you that coveted “A” in your next exam!

1. Prepare for battle. “Like anything that we do in life, failing to plan is planning to fail,” says Teacher Ia Adam-Lim, of the British School Manila. “Poor studying habits are primarily caused by lack of planning on the student’s part to reinforce learning after he or she first encountered it in class.”

Teacher Ia, who has 12 years of teaching experience in Special Education, says the best way to prepare for a test is to prepare ahead of time. “At the beginning of each term, teachers will usually give the scope of topics for that term. If your teacher did not provide one, then you can politely ask for it. Take the initiative.”

She also advises students to look at this list again at least two weeks before the tests are held. “This is so you can

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will earn you a badge of honor for your sacrifices? Wrong. As the examination period nears, the more you need a full night’s sleep.

“Our brain works harder when we are taking an exam, so it is important to condition our brain for maximum performance,” says Teacher Ramon Manuel Nisperos, who teaches Personal Entrepreneurial Development and New Enterprise Planning at the University of the Philippines Open University.

“A good night’s sleep and a hearty meal are very important for students to perform better at exams,” he adds.

“Students should remember that studying takes a toll on their brain. Studying causes stress, which is the very reason that students should nourish their brain with healthy food and ample rest.”

Teacher Ia has this to say about her students: “I encourage them to exercise, eat healthy, and sleep at around 9 p.m. so they wake up refreshed and ready for the next school day.”

store seven bits of information. Students can circle around this constraint by clustering numerous pieces of information into seven packets of information. For example, it is difficult to remember 09177514051. Clustering it into 0917751-4051, or in three packets of information, will make it easier to remember.”

4. Say it out loud, but not too loud! “The simplest strategy I teach my students when reviewing for a test is the multisensory approach,” says Teacher Ia. “In this approach, it is stated that we absorb information best by using multiple senses. Basically, you read your notes loud enough for you to hear—not too soft because it will not register in your brain and not too loud because you will strain your throat.”

lessons every day, and at least 20 minutes of reading your favorite book—reading for pleasure,” she stresses. After half an hour of Geometry, for example, it’s okay to pick up your Sherlock Holmes book, curl up in bed, and get lost momentarily in an epic adventure.

But the tactic here is to do it regularly and consistently, to have brief study sessions that you repeat every day.

“Studying in short amounts of time but with more repetitions is better than studying extensively only once,” says Teacher Ramon.

He explains that our mind can store and recall information on both short- and long-term durations. Short-term memory stores more data, but these are easily forgotten, while long-term memory stores information in the unconscious mind for easier retrieval even after long periods.

“The trick is to repeat studying, forcing our brain to migrate information from the short-term to the long-term memory.”

Teacher Ramon offers this neat study trick: “Short-term memory can only

5. Channel the teacher vibes. An even better approach: Since you’re talking out loud, why not get an audience? In a Grockit.com article titled “Top Ten Unconventional Study Guides to Help You Ace that Exam,” author Patrick Del Rosario gives this unconventional tip: “This is the most common habit all ‘A’ students have. They teach. Sometimes it’s because they like it, but most times it’s because their friends ask them for their help. What they didn’t know is that teaching actually reinforces what they’ve learned, creating this virtuous cycle: the more they teach, the more they learn, the more people ask them for their help.”

6. Have fun! Treat your school subjects as something fun. Learning is discovering, and discovering opens up worlds for you. Don’t merely memorize stuff. Learn, and love what you’re learning.

The right attitude is to have fun while learning, enjoying what you’re doing to the brim.

Teacher Ramon says he tries to instill among his students the attitude that learning is a pleasure, not a required chore to be endured. “When this happens, learning will be valued and studying better will become automatic.”

Teacher Ia agrees. “Students might not realize it yet, but when they are enjoying what they are learning, it does not seem

“A good night’s sleep and a hearty meal are very important for students to perform better at exams.” like work but more like play,” she adds. “I wish all classes would be like that because when the students are happy in class they actually learn better and learn more.”

7. Avoid cramming like the plague. It’s a practice many students do, not realizing how much they are shortchanging themselves. “Cramming should be avoided at all costs because learning’s true calling is for students to apply what they’ve learned in their lives,” says Teacher Ramon.

Crammed studying could make you pass your exams, yes, but the lessons you’ve learned won't be utilized or remembered in the future. Adds Teacher Ramon, “The point is to learn stuff that should be stored in the student's longterm memory to be used later in life, not just used to pass exams.”

Armed with these great study techniques, buckle down and get ready to study. We’re sure the outcome of your next periodical exams will be more to your liking this time around! *

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YOUTH TALK: GROWING

TATAY:

As his Father’s Day tribute, a young Bosconian shares with us the reasons he looks up to his dad and feels blessed to be his son.

BY JOSE ELIAN T. IDIOMA PHOTOS BY TIMI IDIOMA

my friend, teacher, and inspiration

a

s the youngest child and the only boy among three children, I used to feel like a little prince and the apple of the eye of everyone in my family. That is, until the day I accepted the challenge to be a “big brother” to Elisa, now the family’s youngest whom we adopted when she was a baby. It was my father whom talked to the whole family to make room in our hearts and in our home for one more child who needed a family.

Although challenging at first, I have learned to love Elisa as much as I love my older sisters Maria Sofia and Andrea Teresa. Why did I never think of turning down this big responsibility God has granted me? The reason is because I have a loving father who teaches me all that I need to know to live my life to the fullest

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and to accomplish the things I set my heart on.

Wild Sound, the audio post-production company he owns, he and my mother still accompany me to school and attend the daily 6:30 a.m. mass at the Don Bosco Technical College chapel.

As a Bosconian dad, he taught us to bring our rosaries wherever we go. Until now, he selflessly makes himself available whenever his alma mater seeks his advice or help in anything related to sound or filmmaking. Because of his examples, my devotion to God, Mama Mary, and Don Bosco has been strengthened.

Humble beginnings Mike, or Igue as he is known to his siblings and childhood friends in Bicol, used to be a simple boy with big dreams, the third child in a brood of five boys and one girl. My favorite among the stories he often tells us is that from Grade 1 he had to walk wearing just slippers to reach the school, which was quite far from their home. Life was not easy for them financially, but my lolo and lola were both very industrious, and their children were later on able to transfer to Manila to study. Even when the four older boys were already studying in Manila, they still picked up all their meals for the week at the bus station every Sunday. There were times when no food packs would come due to unforeseen events or delays, and they had to budget and ration their stock or one of them might end up not eating.

ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

Studying at Don Bosco One of the first and most important things I learned from my father is to take pride in studying in Don Bosco, his own alma mater. He told me how such a simple school could change the life of a person. He told me that lots of people who are successful today came from Don Bosco. I was still very young then, but I realized soon after that this is indeed the ideal school for me. This school can help you completely develop your talents, just like it did with my dad. I have become an extraordinary servant leader at a young age through my Salesian education. In this school, people will not call you smart or special. They will call you something better: “A Bosconian.”

Devoted to God, Mama Mary, and St. Bosco Although my father became a Bosconian only in college, he has embraced firmly the Bosconian spirit he acquired from the Salesian priests. He finished his course in Electronics and Communications Engineering in six years. College life was not always easy for him because his parents were in Bicol. There were even times when he would write a promissory

Multi-awarded sound engineer

In this school, people will not call you smart or special. They will call you something better: “A Bosconian.” note to be allowed to take the exams because the tuition from Bicol still had not come.

I admire my dad for not giving up.

He studied diligently to finish his course amidst all difficulties and challenges.

It’s been more than 20 years since he received his college diploma, but the teachings of Don Bosco remain his guide through life. Despite his busy schedule at

Tatay, as I fondly call him, has made his mark in the field of sound mixing in the Philippine film industry. From the time my eldest sister Sofia was born, he has been receiving awards for best sound editing from various award-giving bodies and he never fails to dedicate and share this recognition with his whole family.

My father is an extremely patient man (except with the rude jeepney and tricycle drivers). The art of creating and mixing all the sounds for a movie takes a lot of patience and discipline. My father spends long hours in his studio just to make sure that the sound is not off-sync, and that the mixing of the music, dialogue, and sound effects will truly captivate the movie audience because of the perfect balance between the audio and the video parts. He has been in this business for quite some time, but he still has the same passion for perfecting his craft. He is following Don Bosco’s advice to “do your ordinary duties extraordinarily well.”

Being an impatient person myself, I want to be as patient as my Tatay.

I am just 12 years old and there is a lot more that I have to accomplish. If there is one thing that’s great about my parents, it’s that they don’t work so as to become rich and famous. They work because they want each one of us, their children, to go to school to learn and discover all about life. For me, my tatay will always be the best teacher, someone who has made me enjoy learning great things in life yet taught me to remain humble and simple.

Tatay is my inspiration, my best friend, and, most importantly, my father. *

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YOUTH TALK: CHOOSING

ANIMAL

A vet shares his fascinating journey—the rewards, the hardships, and the challenges— as a healer and friend of furry creatures.

BY EXCEL V. DYQUIANGCO

r. Ivan Lazaro started considering a career in veterinary medicine way back in high school when he brought his sick cat to the neighborhood veterinary clinic for treatment and got talking with the veterinarian. “He was the one who encouraged me to take up the course,” he says. And he did.

Bent on becoming a cow veterinarian, Ivan found in his first year in college that the

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course was more difficult than he had thought, as it required not just the study of livestock but a wide variety of animal species. He also discovered that to succeed in this field, you had to have passion for your work and love for all kinds of animals—big or small, domesticated or wild.

“I had classmates who either owned a farm or had parents who were veterinarians, but they didn’t love animals,” he says. “Eventually, they either shifted to a different degree or dropped the course.”

ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

appeal

Clinical challenges After college, Ivan apprenticed at the clinic of his cat’s vet for two months. As a stay-in practitioner, he had no days off or holidays, and was on call 24/7. “Animals are not like people where they can go to the clinic anytime,” he says. “Owners need to finish their work first before heading to the clinic—which is after office hours. For call center agents, they drop off their pets in the wee hours of the morning.”

After his apprenticeship, Ivan managed a veterinarian’s clinic for more than a year. It was here that he felt some professional frustration. “The economy was struggling and not many people were bringing their pets to the clinic,” he says. “But that wasn’t the part that got to me. There were some cases of dying pets being brought in and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

When an animal died, he would sometimes go ballistic at the clinic.

“I threw things around,” he admits.

“Sometimes I just kept silent. It was really frustrating, especially when regular patients died.”

What added to his frustration was that some pet owners tried to sue him, while others asked him to replace their pets.

Worst of all was when some owners asked him to kill their pets for lack of money to pay the bills.

To succeed in this field, you have to have passion for your work and love for all kinds of animals— big or small, domesticated or wild.

Dr. Ivan performing his various functions as a field veterinarian.

“There was really nothing I could do,” Ivan says. “I couldn’t stop crying when I had to do this most inhumane thing. As a veterinarian, I studied to help and cure the animals and then this came along.” At times, he just refused to perform euthanasia and sent the owners to other clinics.

Despite these incidents, the passion for his chosen field is still alive in him.

“Taking these circumstances aside, what really keeps me excited about this type of work is when I get to send back the pets to their owners in tip-top condition,” he says. “When the animals don’t come to me anymore, it’s a sure sign that I have done a fairly good job.”

Field work After working in a vet’s clinic, he next worked for a big company and was assigned to do farm-related tasks in Nueva Ecija, Cagayan, and Isabela.

“I received a call from San Miguel Corporation to handle their Magnolia farms,” he says. “For three years, I went to the farms to ensure the management of the farms and the health of the animals, and to take care of the quality for consumption.”

He resigned last year and transferred to another company, this time as a technical executive taking care of its farms and conducting discussions with local residents. The job requires him to travel around Northern Luzon, which he finds challenging since it keeps him away from his family for a big amount of time.

Exposed to different kinds of people and

cultures, he says he has had to learn to adjust and pick up the dialect of the place.

As for the rewards of his work, he says he does not find his responsibilities to be too hard because he enjoys his duties and the travels, although he admits he sometimes misses working in a clinic and trying to save his patients.

This time, there is less frustration, since the animals are bound to die eventually. “In the case of handling livestock, it’s more about managing them for consumption. When they get sick, you don’t have to cure them [always]. You have to decide whether to kill them or to heal them. Your way of thinking becomes critical, as the animals are perishable and you also have to think of the consumers.

There are bigger factors at stake.”

Patience with patients In one aspect, he considers a veterinarian’s work slightly harder than a doctor’s—the patients can’t tell him what is wrong with them. “As a veterinarian, you need to be a keen observer since your patients can’t speak,” he says. “You need to continue to study [them] and be patient [with them]. If you don’t have that patience, it is better to work in another industry.” * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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FAITH & REASON

Atty. Tito Bundang, a partner at Sapalo Velez Bundang & Bulilan Law Offices in Makati City, writes on legal matters and teaches law at the Commercial Law Department of De La Salle University. He may be reached at (02) 891-1316 or via e-mail at titobund@yahoo.com and info@sapalovelez.com.

TUG-OF-

t

Love

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”—Sigmund Freud

he valuable influence and positive impact of a father on a child’s development cannot be undermined. A nurturing and loving father creates a happy and fulfilling atmosphere for the family and enables the children to experience the beauty of a fruitful and beneficial relationship. Studies reveal that children whose fathers are more attentive, caring, and engaged grow up better prepared academically, emotionally, and socially than those with less involved fathers.

Because of this, a father’s constant presence, whether it be during happier times with the mother or during worse times when the couple have parted ways, remains essential to ensuring that the children are raised in a healthy, reassuring environment.

Thus, our laws extend rights to the fathers that serve to encourage, preserve, and protect their relationships with their spouse and children.

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A home may be broken, but not the bonds between a father separated from his children.

The law seeks to protect these ties, knowing it is what is best for the child.

BY ATTY. TITO BUNDANG PHOTOS BY RAYMOND S. MAMARIL

Here are some laws and jurisprudence which pertain to “fathers’ rights”:

Dad's rights

Republic Act No. 8187, otherwise known as the “Paternity Leave Act of 1996,” grants paternity leave of seven days with full pay to a married male employee who is working in either the private or public sector for the first four deliveries of his legitimate spouse with whom he is living with. The law aims to allow him to provide support to his wife while she is recovering from delivering and nursing their newly born child.

Republic Act No. 9255 allows illegitimate children to use the surname of their father if he has recognized them through the record of birth appearing in the civil register or an admission in a public document or private handwritten instrument.

In the case of Jenie San Juan dela Cruz versus Ronald Paul S. Gracia (G.R. No. 177728, July 31, 2009), the Supreme Court allowed the illegitimate child to bear the surname of his dead father based on a document entitled “Autobiography.”

The document, which was written by the

the Philippines, mandate that legitimate and legitimated children are to be provided support by the parents. The articles also obligate these children to use the surname of their father.

Article 211 of the Family Code, and Presidential Decree 603, or the Child and Youth Welfare Code, provide that the father and the mother shall jointly exercise parental authority over their common children, whether legitimate, legitimated, or adopted. If they disagree

Fathers play an equal, and at certain times more important, role in giving children the support, courage, and confidence they need to better face the world they live in.

Loving dad Dondon Hontiveros with son Isaiah Blanco

father when he was still alive, recognized his union with the mother of his son, whom she was then carrying. The High Court also gave value to the testimony of the mother and the affidavits of the child’s grandfather and uncle.

Articles 174 and 179 of Executive Order No. 209, or the Family Code of

with one another, the father’s decision shall prevail unless there is a judicial order to the contrary.

Article 225 of the Family Code states that the father and the mother shall jointly exercise legal guardianship over the property of their common child who is below 18 years of age without the

need for a court appointment. In case of disagreement, the father’s decision shall prevail unless a court order says otherwise.

Section 7 of Republic Act No. 8552, or the Domestic Adoption Act of 1998, which amends Article 183 of the Family Code, provides that a husband and wife who are not legally separated should adopt jointly.

In case of annulment or declaration of absolute nullity of marriage, Article 49 of the Family Code grants visitation rights to a parent who is deprived of the custody of his or her children. Such visitation rights flow from the natural right of both parents and the child to each other’s company.

In the case of Silva versus Court of Appeals & Gonzales (G.R. 114742, July 17, 1997), the High Court extended visitation rights to the father on Saturdays and Sundays, but ruled that the father, who lived with a woman who was not the children’s mother, could not bring the children outside the house with him without the written consent of their mother.

Moreover, in the case of Santos versus Court of Appeals and Sps. Bedia (G.R. No. 113054, March 16, 1995), the Supreme Court ruled that the legitimate father is preferred over the maternal grandparents to take custody of his son. It noted that the right of custody accorded to parents springs from parental authority to assume control and protection of their unemancipated children (below 18 years old).

Here, the mother left their son with her parents in order to work abroad.

When the father tried to take custody of his son three years after the child’s birth, the maternal grandparents did not agree and instead sought custody. The High Court observed that awarding custody to the father would help enhance the bond between parent and son, giving the father a chance to prove his love and the son to experience the warmth and support of his dad.

Rearing a child is not the sole responsibility of mothers. Fathers play an equal, and at certain times more important, role in giving children the support, courage, and confidence they need to better face the world. As one meaningful quote says, “A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.” * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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PARENTING

HANDLING

sibling rivalry Do your kids act like prized boxers in the ring, always trying to get the better of the other? Here’s how to turn rival siblings into best buddies.

BY ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG PHOTOS BY MA. PATRICIA R. BALTAZAR

C

ompetition, envy, crab mentality, and gossip in the office are quite disturbing to see and are not good for the company or the workers’ morale. Families, too, are not immune from rivalries and jealousies, especially between siblings. A lot rests on the parents’ shoulders to handle these delicate matters well, for such unhealthy feelings and activities can fester over time, disrupting relationships and sowing discord in the household.

The secret to healthy, loving sibling relationships is the healthy, loving relationships of their parents with those around them. Children imitate and learn from their parents’ words and actions, such as how Mom and Dad handle family crises and conflicts, or how they relate with relatives and coworkers.

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Causes of sibling squabbles Clashes between brothers and sisters can be due to a number of factors.

• Birth position. Most firstborns, especially if they have been the focus of all of the family’s attention, may feel “dethroned” by—and act aggressively toward—a new child. A friend of mine recalled how her daughter poked and pinched her younger sibling because she saw herself as the queen and resented the arrival of a new princess.

• Circumstances of birth. First-time parents may be initially enthusiastic about a child’s coming and indulge and pamper him, but their excitement may wane when the next child arrives. Or, very young couples may be unprepared for parenthood and pass on the responsibility of child-rearing to their own parents. As the couple mature, they may become more prepared for and welcoming of the next baby, this time caring for him themselves. Such attitude of parents can foster jealousy and envy in the child who feels he was neglected.

• Age gap. An only child may become so used to having his parents’ undivided attention for so long that he becomes resentful of any newcomer.

• Gender or special skills. Parents sometimes bestow special favor on a particular child based on gender or extraordinary skills or talents. But lavishing more attention, taking greater pride, or giving special treatment to a “golden” child destroys the least favored child’s self-worth and creates a gap between siblings.

Defusing disputes Competition at an early age can be damaging to children. The kid who keeps winning may become arrogant and conceited, and the constant loser may develop poor self-esteem. It is best to encourage among youngsters a spirit of cooperation and teamwork.

Sibling rivalry is neither normal nor healthy. When it rears its ugly head, here are some tips for parents on how to make it back down.

For one, instead of scolding the children or dismissing the problem, parents should investigate the situation and get to the root of the problem. Find out the role each child played in the situation, and identify which one needs

correction, support, or guidance. Use the occasion to teach your brood how to solve problems together, how to listen to the other. It can also be a good time to impart desired values.

For another, always be fair and just.

Don’t keep blaming one child, say, the older one because you think he should know better. The point is not to take sides but to find solutions and teach responsibility for one’s actions. Explain the consequences of words and deeds, and even allow the children to participate in coming up with disciplinary action.

Third, be sensitive to all your children.

Exert effort to spend equal time with each. Listen whenever one child attempts to voice out his feelings. Ask why, when, and how those feelings arose.

Lavishing more attention, taking greater pride, or giving special treatment to a “golden” child destroys the least favored child’s self-worth.

Fourth, recognize and accept each child’s weaknesses and strengths. Give your support and care according to their level of need. Strive to create an environment where everyone feels safe, secure, loved, and accepted both as an individual member and an integral part of the whole.

From home to school Animosity between siblings can extend from the home all the way to the school.

Defuse sparks of conflict by avoiding comparisons. Parents and teachers must realize that each child has a unique gift and must help him develop his potentials.

No child must be pushed to be like someone else. Everyone has his own destiny and mission in life, and should be given the environment and space to develop his God-given abilities. If one child excels in academics and the other does not, it is important to find out where the other is good in. The children may also be encouraged to help each other out by teaching them compassion.

Give them opportunities to uplift each other. Let them engage in activities where they can participate as equals.

Finally, parents have to celebrate the achievements in all their children. Privileges should be given equitably, and should not just be based on academic honors and high grades but on proper behavior as well. Strong values, good character, and high morals are as worthy of accolades as medals and trophies. After all, each child is a star in his own right, with all the promise and potential to shine as bright and beautiful as he is meant to do. * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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PRESERVING

wondrous How to make caring for the world second nature for our children.

BY EXCEL V. DYQUIANGCO

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h

umanity is racing against time to defuse the time bomb called global warming.

Scientists, businesses, governments, and nations are working together to try and save the earth before it’s too late. But ordinary citizens like us shouldn’t just stand idly by. We can all do our share to prevent the growing occurrence of calamities and devastations of unprecedented levels—and we can start right in our own home!

When enough families adopt environment-friendly practices, it can have a multiplier effect for a positive change in the community, the city, the country, and even the whole world.

Preserving the planet There are many simple, easy ways to inculcate a love for the environment among the young.

Make fruits and veggies the centerpiece of the dinner table. For your kids to really appreciate nature, you can teach them to eat fruits and vegetables early on. Of course, you must strive for a balanced diet, but allow them to appreciate what grows on trees and plants, Castillo says.

Include the environment in your house rules. Make your house guidelines pro-environment, such as making sure everyone turns the lights off when he or she leaves the room. The key here is to be consistent and to never stop articulating the dos and don’ts until the

teach my kids to conserve energy by turning off appliances and electronic gadgets they don’t use. I have them turn off the shower, too, when they are scrubbing, and to use a cup when brushing their teeth. To teach them to recycle, I have them collect empty water bottles and soda cans which can actually earn money when they redeem the deposit.”

Margie Cruz-Amante says remembering to close the faucet when you’re soaping your hands or to use a bucket instead of the shower when bathing will help save gallons of precious water.

Give tasks that care for nature.

Giving specific tasks like watering the plants or segregating wastes helps kids feel more strongly their duty toward a bountiful earth. If these duties can be embedded into their daily routine, so much the better.

When enough families adopt environmentfriendly practices, it can have a multiplier effect for a positive change.

Shiela Castillo, a climate presenter for The Climate Reality Project, an NGO that seeks to educate people on climate change, says that for people to reverse climate change, there must first be a change within themselves.

“You cannot give what you don’t have, so as parents, we must really be the [catalyst for the] change we want to see in the world and in our kids,” she says.

“It means that I need to walk the talk in teaching my kids to take care of the environment.”

kids care for their surroundings almost automatically.

“This is easier said than done, as I myself forget to follow certain things sometimes. But it pays to explain and keep at it. Try not to be judgmental when your kids miss certain things,” says Castillo.

Teach conservation habits.

Starting when they’re young, explain to your children the importance of being environment-conscious.

Says parent Rica Fonacier, “I always

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PRESERVING

“You cannot give what you don’t have, so as parents, we must really be the catalyst for the change we want to see in the world and in our kids.”

“We do gardening together,” says EJ Basco-Perez. “I let my son plant some plants, and his task is to water them every day. This promotes love for nature and provides another avenue to channel his energy. In the process, we have fun together and he learns to be more responsible.”

Hang out in the wild. Allow your children to be up close to nature so that it becomes a part of their consciousness.

Going to the beach is one way to connect with the natural world, but it’s not the only one. How about nature trips to national parks or wildlife sanctuaries? Or go on camping expeditions where there are no modern appurtenances. There are a myriad of ways to bond with nature and teach your family to leave the place as pristine as when they found it.

“This is one of the reasons why we decided to transfer our son to Gamot Cogon School in zarraga, Iloilo,” says Castillo. “The school is nestled in a rural barangay where a creek flows.

Plus, there are plenty of plants and trees for the students to enjoy, as well as birds and butterflies flying around. The school building is mostly made of natural materials, and there are no paved roads within the campus. Its Waldorf-Steiner system includes lots of nature activities and exposure. Transferring my son Toni to this school is one of the best decisions I made to bring him closer to nature.”

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Make your house guidelines favor environmental protection, such as making sure everyone turns the lights off when they leave the room.

Set an example. Of course, parents need to lead the way for their children.

Let them see you and copy what you do to nurture the environment. “From trash segregation, recycling, and energy conservation to franchising a social enterprise with a friend that’s proenvironment, I try to teach my kids by being an example,” says Chiqui Mantilla.

Conduct trash segregation and disposal. Introduce a garbage system that separates biodegradable from nonbiodegradable items. You can then teach your family to make compost to use as fertilizer, or you can sell plastics or paper to the junk man.

Yuklid Aboganbda says she also teaches her son not to throw trash just about anywhere. “We encourage him to pick it up, and we don’t stop reminding him until he learns to clean up before he leaves an area.”

Individually, we may seem like powerless specks in the grand scheme of things. But when a family gets together and commits to protect Mother Earth, it can plant a seed that bears something life-affirming and long lasting. Sure, it may take time for the results to be felt—maybe it won’t happen in our generation or even in the next—but we know that we’ve taken the first steps to secure a lovable, livable world for our children’s children. *

BALANCING

GAME 2+3 ?



KEEPING IT C h a t

real

Nowhere is parental guidance more crucial than in ensuring our children don’t get trapped in the enticing but desensitizing world of virtual entertainment.

t

o more and more youngsters, the real world seems incredibly pale compared to the vivid visuals of the virtual world, a place where you can exercise greater control over the environment, have easy access to entertainment, and find instant self-validation. With portable gadgets selling like hot peanuts on the sidewalk and Wi-Fi access easily available, it’s easy to escape real life for virtual space.

Technology has taken over the world—but should we allow it to take over our lives?

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

BY STEPHANIE MAYO PHOTOS BY MA. PATRICIA R. BALTAzAR

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Today’s parents are facing the challenge of managing their children’s gadget use and protecting them from online gaming addiction—which has symptoms frighteningly similar to those of substance abuse or gambling. In a WebMD article, Kimberly Young, clinical director of the Center for On-Line Addiction, even describes gaming addiction as “a clinical impulse control disorder.”

Additionally, gadget mismanagement at home not only decreases family time together, it can also seriously affect a child’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.

“I am concerned that if I don’t put their Internet or gadget use in check, my children would grow up to have poor real-world social skills,” says Charlemagne Solanor, 34, a web content writer and a father to 5-year-old and 3-year-old twin girls. “They could also grow up with compromised emotional and motor skills.”

“In the absence of proper guidance, regulations and boundaries, whatever children see, hear, and interact with using such electronic gadgets could affect their perception of themselves and the world around them—most especially [their perception of] relationships,” says Maria Pura Ordona, a facilitator and consultant

Maria Pura Ordona gives advice to parents whose children are addicted to electronic gadgets.

• Communicate, not reprimand.

Observe behavioral changes which might be linked to addiction and address the problem immediately.

• Offer healthier options to gaming, such as engaging in the arts or sports, or developing hobbies such as writing.

Set boundaries with usage of electronic gadgets.

• Set a good example. If you yourself are addicted to the virtual life, it would be challenging to correct your own child’s behavior.

• If you are unsure how to handle the problem, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

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Gadget mismanagement at home can seriously affect a child’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. for human development and well-being who has a private practice. “If left on their own, they could have a misguided or distorted view of reality.”

Ordona adds that children who are “babysat” by electronic gadgets may miss out on human contact and interaction, which is crucial to proper growth and development.

So how do we protect our children from gadget addiction and the inappropriate content that’s highly accessible in cyberspace?

Setting limits to use For Charlemagne, he and his wife keep gadget usage to a maximum of 30 minutes per day per child. “When it’s not yet time for them to use the Internet, I keep the iPad stored somewhere out of their reach.”

Raul Galang, 50, keeps tabs on the Internet activity of his two children, ages 18 and 12. “Every Internet use should be done in a common area for them to be aware that whatever they do is not private,” he says, adding that Internet use

is allowed only after homework is done.

Corrine Emata, a blogger, taekwondo instructor, and mom to three boys ages 16, 9, and 4, strictly implements these house rules: No computer or gadgets during school days. No gadgets at the dinner table.

No gadgets in the bathroom.

In their home, “gadgets are not connected to the Internet 24/7,” says Patty zaide, the mother of an 11-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy. “School work should be done before using gadgets or watching TV, and the kids should sleep on time. If they are caught not following this rule, they are punished by not being allowed to use gadgets for a specific time.”

“There are specific hours that they can use the Internet,” says Henry Pingol, an HR director who has two daughters aged 16 and 14. “We have an ongoing rule that by 10 p.m., they should already be sleeping or at least in the bedroom. If they need to extend their time to do their assignments, it should be time purely allotted for assignments, except where there are assignments or research needing Internet usage.”

ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

BALANCING

Pingol also sometimes deems it necessary to confiscate his kids’ electronic devices, such as for a severe misdemeanor or failing grades.

Offline options To counter the overuse of gadgets, these parents say they offer non-electronic alternatives to their children.

“We provide traditional toys that stimulate all their senses,” Charlemagne says, “like doll houses, kitchen play sets, Play-Doh, and other mind-stimulating activities, such as board games, drawing books, and coloring games.”

“We try as a family to live an active life,” says Raul. “I purchased yearlong season passes to amusement parks like Wet and Wild. Also, we live close to a big park with bike lanes, walk trails, playgrounds, picnic facilities equipped with barbecue grills, open grounds for games, and we go there whenever we can to enjoy the outdoors.”

He continues that to develop his kids’ social life, he encourages them to attend birthday parties and play sports. “My kids both went to swimming schools and my younger daughter is a soccer player at school. We make time to bring them to and from sports venues no matter how limited the time we have.”

Henry, on the other hand, says that being a musical family, they bond by singing together at home and playing musical instruments in events or in church. He adds, “I think having dogs or pets at home also helped them not become gadget addicts.”

ILLUSTRATION BY RICUS AFABLE

Family face time How do some families manage to maintain traditional family bonds despite the constant pull of technology?

Sherille Perezde Tagle, 35, mom to 7- and 3-year-old

“We make time to bring them to and from sport venues no matter how limited the time we have.” boys, says, “I take time to talk to my kids every day. I ask them to tell me stories —or the other way around. I always ask how they feel and answer their queries about a lot of things.”

“We have weekly movie time at home every Sunday,” says Efren Tercias, 48, a chief technology officer, with four children ages 26, 25, 19, and 16. “And we try to go out of town at least twice a month, encouraging my children to do wake boarding.”

Patty, meanwhile, makes sure they still do things together as a family. “We go biking, play games, watch movies, go to the mall, read, and study together. We do artwork, play with their toys, and do outdoor activities.”

Christian values are also a means to strengthen family ties. Henry says they schedule a daily family

prayer before bedtime, and the kids are encouraged to attend church activities and gatherings for the youth.

“I think open communication and adhering to Christian values are key to family closeness,” agrees Raul. “Also, whatever free time I have from work is spent with the kids—be it a meal outside, catching up with their day, or making them feel that I am available any time.

Every positive thing you do for them is an investment in family closeness.”

Exploring real life American author of young adult fiction Julie Kagawa says in her novel The Iron King: “As cities grow and technology takes over the world, belief and imagination fade away and so do we.” But of course, we parents shouldn’t let that happen.

As Raul stresses, “We should encourage our kids to experience life beyond gadgets.”

Indeed, it can be nice to receive “likes,” virtual hugs, messages and emoticons of affection, to role-play and to score points in a virtual fantasy world. But simulation will never beat what can be felt, touched, and explored by our senses in real life—the beauty of Mother Nature, the delightful sound of true laughter, actual hugs from family and friends, and genuine face-to-face human interactions.

A few simple house rules and proper gadget management can make a huge difference in your children’s lives and family relationship. No doubt, technology is beneficial to education and creative expression, but life happens only as soon as you unplug. * JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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EATING

bonanza!

Simple but scrumptious baon meal ideas to power the return of your child to school. Plus, a four-week menu guide to make lunch planning a cinch!

Are you worried your child might not be eating balanced meals in school? He may not be choosing the right kinds and combinations of dishes and thus may miss out on valuable nutrients. No worries! Here, Family Matters serves up healthy back-to-school baon recipes—along with a bonus month-long menu planner—just for you!

BY CECILIA ESPERANzA

SPICED CHICKEN BIsTeK Serves 4

PHOTO: HAJIME NAKANO

2 to 3 tablespoons Cajun spice seasoning mix 1 kilo chicken thigh fillets Oil, for frying 1 large onion, sliced into rings 11/2 tablespoons soy sauce 1. Sprinkle Cajun spice mix on chicken fillets. Coat each piece well. Marinate for 30 minutes or overnight.

2. In a large frying pan, heat oil to medium high. Fry chicken until cooked through. Set aside.

3. Drain oil from the pan, leaving about a tablespoon. Add onion and cook for a couple of minutes.

4. Add cooked chicken and soy sauce. Stir. Let simmer for one more minute.

FISH FILLET WITH MalUNGGaY /2 cup finely chopped malunggay leaves 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1 /2 kilo tilapia fillets Salt and pepper, to taste 1 cup flour 2 eggs, lightly beaten 1 /4 cup Japanese bread crumbs Cooking oil, for deep frying 1

1. In a small bowl, combine malunggay and garlic. Set aside one tablespoon. Lightly

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season fish fillets with salt and pepper, then spread a thin layer of malunggaygarlic mixture on both sides of each fillet.

2. In a pan, heat oil. Dredge fish in flour, in the eggs, and in the bread crumbs. Fry in hot oil until golden. Drain on paper towels to remove excess oil.

3. Serve with buttered vegetables or ketchup.

PHOTO: ALPHA

Serves 4

PHOTO: ALPHA

4-week lunch planner PORK WITH APPLES Serves 4

/2 teaspoon basil /2 teaspoon paprika Salt and pepper, to taste 1 /2 kilo pork tenderloin, cut into strips 2 tablespoons oil 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1 /2 cup sliced leeks 1 Fuji apple, cored and cut into thick strips 1 cup pork stock 2 teaspoons cornstarch, dissolved in 1 tablespoon water 1 1

1. In a small bowl, combine basil, paprika, salt, and pepper. Sprinkle mixture on both sides of pork slices.

2. Heat oil in a pan and sautĂŠ garlic and leeks about one minute. Add pork and cook for a few more minutes or until pork is tender. Add apple and stock.

Cook for 2 minutes.

3. Pour dissolved cornstarch into apple mixture and bring to a boil. Stir. Cook until slightly thickened.

CHICKEN PaNdesal WITH PESTO-MAYONNAISE DRESSING Serves 4

/2 kilo boneless, skinless chicken breast Salt and pepper to taste 2 teaspoons cinnamon, divided 1 /4 cup flour 1 /4 cup cornstarch 1cup water 1 egg, lightly beaten Oil for frying For the dressing: 1 /4 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon bottled pesto 1 /2 teaspoon salt 1 /4 teaspoon pepper 4 large pandesal, split in half and toast Lettuce leaves Tomato slices

PHOTO: HAJIME NAKANO

1

1. Cut chicken into large, thick strips.

Season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle strips with 11/2 teaspoons cinnamon.

Set aside.

2. In a bowl, combine flour, cornstarch, and remaining cinnamon. Add water and stir just until well combined. Stir in

egg. Add more cornstarch if batter is too thin.

3. Heat oil in a pan. Dip chicken in the flour-egg batter. Deep-fry for 5 to 7 minutes or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels.

4. In a small bowl, combine mayonnaise, pesto, salt and pepper, then spread on one side of bread. Top with chicken.

Spread more pesto mayonnaise on chicken, then top with lettuce and sliced tomatoes. Top with the other half of the bread.

WEEK 1 MONDAY Sweet and sour pork Rice Fresh fruit/juice TUESDAY Fried fish Squash guisado Pandan rice Fresh fruit WEDNESDAY Pork with apples Herbed rice Bread pudding THURSDAY Squid relleno Rice Fresh fruit FRIDAY Bean sprouts with pork Rice Fresh fruit WEEK 3 MONDAY Beef with broccoli Rice Banana TUESDAY Pasta with meatballs Bread sticks Mango gelatin WEDNESDAY Easy a la Cubana Rice Fried saba THURSDAY Lumpiang Shanghai Chayote guisado Rice Fresh fruit FRIDAY Pork binagoongan Green mango salad Rice Pastillas de leche

WEEK 2 MONDAY Spiced chicken bistek Rice Fresh fruit TUESDAY Beef nilaga Rice Fresh fruit WEDNESDAY Pork asado Cucumber salad Rice Peanut brittle THURSDAY Fish fillet with malunggay Buttered vegetables Rice Orange FRIDAY Picadillo Tortang talong Rice Yema WEEK 4 MONDAY Sinampalukang manok Rice Fresh fruit TUESDAY Ampalaya con carne Rice Lemon square WEDNESDAY Vegetables sticks Hummus Chicken pandesal with pesto-mayonnaise dressing Fruit cup THURSDAY Breaded pork chop Chop suey Rice Fresh fruit FRIDAY Chicken lollipop Monggo guisado Rice Banana cupcake

JUNE-AUGUST 2014

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HONORING

Despite his hectic schedule, Richard makes it a point to reserve weekends for his family. “Also, every time I have no work, or when I get off from work, we’re always bonding at home or going out to have dinner or watch a movie,” he says. “We usually travel at least once a year so we can spend more quality time together.”

He’d like to see Ashley and Dylan grow up to be God-fearing adults. “They should be responsible, respectful, and know their place, but they should also be aggressive when it comes to their studies or their careers,” he says.

Speaking of careers, this dad will support whatever his kids’ future choice of profession will be. “I’d let them because it’s [unfair of you] to ask them to fulfill your dreams,” he explains.

The proud daddy relates that his daughter wants to go into business, while his son “just wants to play,” he says, chuckling. “Of course, when you’re at that age, there are still so many things you want to be. So I don’t know yet what he’d like to be later on.”

is a joy� Offscreen, Richard Yap is just as doting, dedicated, and cool a father as the TV dad Sir Chief that he famously plays.

BY RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA

O

n-screen, Richard Yap is a familiar figure, making his mark as a chef at a Chinese food chain ad, a father named Papa Chen in an old TV series, and a dashing boyfriendturned-husband called Sir Chief in a currently running teleserye.

During his recent launch as a brand endorser for a clothing line, the actormodel gave people a peek into his private life as a family man. When he is out of the limelight, he is just like any other dedicated husband and dad who delights in spending time with his wife and two children.

“Fatherhood is the joy you feel when you see your kids doing well in school, [when you get to see] them every day while they are growing up, and [when you are able to simply be] with them,” he says.

Weekend connection As much as possible, Richard tries to keep track of how his children, Ashley, 17, and Dylan, 10, are doing in school and what their activities are. “I watch school programs as often as I can, although now that I am in showbiz, I have less time to do it. But if I can go, I try to be there,” he says.

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Protecting the future As responsible parents, Richard and his wife, Melody, know the importance of securing their children’s future. “Aside from [insurance] plans, we have set up a fund for them where we put in something monthly so when they grow up, they’ll have something already,” he says, reminding parents that “you should not only have financial plans for your kids, you also have to plan for yourself.”

Likewise, Richard believes in teaching children the value of money. “You just don’t spend because you have money,” he says. “My daughter knows how to save for herself. From her allowance, we can see that marami siyang na-si-save. Actually, mas marami siyang pera kesa sa akin,” he says jokingly.

Right now, Richard, 47, is simply enjoying everything that comes his way.

“Considering my age, I never thought I’d achieve this much,” he admits. “But I’m thankful for it. So I do my best with every project, take things as they come, and live in the moment.” *