Family Matters June-August 2018 by St. John Bosco Today

Values Dads must Teach Their Sons

How to Reform a

Bully

The Healthy School Diet

Energy Boosters for Mom Disaster Preparedness 101

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Contents

The Magazine for the Filipino Family

Volume 6 • Number 1 | June-August 2018

42 11

IN EVERY ISSUE

PARENTS’ CORNER

2 HOMEWORK

8 IMPROVING

The Golden Rule

On the Go

4 FAMILY NOTE

11 GUIDING

Bringing Bullying to Light

Man to Man

6 FRAMEABLE

14 EATING

10 Tips for a Great School Year

The Filipino Plate

17 RELATING

SPECIAL SECTION

Understanding Bullying

The Making of a Bully

A Parent’s Guide to Bullying

Stand Your Ground

Home Is Where Love Is

YOUTH TALK 36 LEARNING

7 Strategies to Get Straight A’s

39 EDUCATING Reporting for Duty

42 STARRING The Talented Nash Aguas

44 CHOOSING Law and Order

20 PROTECTING

Ultimate Handbook on Disaster Preparedness, Part 1

46 BELIEVING The Power of Prayer

ABOUT THE COVER A happily married couple of 21 years, Daddy Crispian and Mommy Fay together with their two energetic sons, Carlos Miguel ‘Ahia’ and Joaquin Rafael ‘Shoti’ June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

HOMEWORK

THE

GOLDEN RULE “S

o in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

By FR. BERNARD P. NOLASCO, SDB

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

‘Golden’ always refers to something precious we should make the most of. We say ‘Golden Opportunity’ for something favorable or advantageous; or ‘Golden Tenor’ when the sound is mellow and resonant; or ‘Golden Days’ in times of prosperity. How about ‘The Golden Rule’? What does ‘golden’ here stand for? For me, it means the apex of all rules of life. The Lord Jesus himself explained it clearly when He said: “This sums up the Law and the Prophets.” The phrase ‘The Law and the Prophets’ actually refers to the whole of the Sacred Scriptures in the time of our Lord. Therefore, if the Lord declared that what sums up the Law and the Prophets is that ‘we do to others what we would have them do to us’ then it goes without saying that this is THE RULE. It is like a hinge upon which all the rest of the laws

The ways of a bully can never take root in the heart of a child whose home resounds with this ultimate command from God. and teachings hang. And when referred to as THE GOLDEN RULE, it simply means the most important, the core, the fundamental principle, the rule of all rules. Even if The Golden Rule is considered as the core value of Christian morality, its meaning also occurs in various forms in nearly every religion and ethical tradition. It can also be explained from the perspectives of psychology and sociology inasmuch as it touches the core of one’s humanity. Psychologically, it refers to one’s empathy towards another. It also has a sociological aspect, because by nature, human beings are social beings who cannot but desire to relate well with someone else. Our basic human nature calls for us to be in harmony with others. Regardless of what religion or philosophy one believes in, everyone has this basic human inclination to belong. And to achieve this sense of belongingness, a person tries to be good and to do something good to another. He/ she also experiences belongingness when receiving something good from another. This is basic human nature: the reciprocity of doing good things to one another.

TWISTED HUMAN NATURE

This basic human nature is disrupted in someone who has experienced being deprived of care and love during the early childhood years. Instead, he/she received rejection, violence, and abuse. Yet since it is basic human nature to desire to belong and to be accepted by others, a person’s disrupted human nature makes him/her satisfy such natural desires in a disruptive way also. Bullying is one manifestation of a disruptive human nature. A bully, just like any person, is someone who seeks belongingness, who seeks recognition, and who longs to be somebody. However, recent studies show that most of those who become bullies came from negative experiences from their respective families, like being exposed to domestic violence, rejection, and abuse. They were maltreated at home right from their tender years. Some of them experienced being transferred from one family to another because their parents got separated. Some of them did not even experience appreciation or affirmation for who they are or for what they did. Instead, all they received were harsh words or curses. They grew up in a very disruptive environment through no fault of their own. Therefore, once they get into another environment like a school, they bring with them all those negative things they have absorbed from their families. And once they realize that the new environment can work to their advantage in getting the recognition and importance their inner selves are thirsting for, aware of it or not, they grab every opportunity to do so by doing the same negative things they received. If in their families they are powerless, they seek power. If in their families they are rejected, they begin to form a group where the members feel secure and accepted. They attack those who seem to be good-natured individuals simply because of envy. They impose their self-made powers on these good-natured individuals inasmuch as they consider them as weak, treating them how they were treated at home by people older than them.

REAPING WHAT IS SOWN

In these situations caused by a disruptive environment, The Golden Rule is ignored. The classic adage ‘we only reap what we sow’ tells us that a bully may be struggling, with the person’s intrinsic good nature being pitted against what he/she is used to around him/her. The natural inclination to be recognized, for example, is being overpowered by the negative experiences of the past (or of the present) and so the only means that the bully knows in order to satisfy his/ her natural inclinations are also negative. In my more than thirty years in the field of education, I have realized that most of those students who become bullies belong to broken families. They have parents who rarely come and participate in school activities like the parents’ formation. They also have parents who act like bullies when the school tries to get their attention and cooperation about their children’s negative behaviors. In contrast, I have observed that those students who manifest positive behaviors come from families whose parents are very participative and cooperative with the school’s endeavors. Their parents show positive aura and support the school’s efforts whenever the school sees that their children need special guidance and assistance.

In building a family, parents have the moral responsibility to allow The Golden Rule to be at the center of their parenthood if they wish their children to grow up into fine young men and women. ‘Do to others what you would have them do to you’ must begin with the couple themselves, with how they treat each other. For example, if they respect each other as husband and wife, their children will imbibe respect and will grow up respecting them and others as well. How not to produce a bully? The Golden Rule is the answer. The home that sows The Golden Rule will reap the fruits of The Golden Rule. How to deal with a bully? Apply The Golden Rule. The process of making the bully get rid of all the negative and disruptive things that he/she has absorbed may be long, that’s true. But if the bully realizes that he/she is experiencing The Golden Rule with the people who care for him/her, the bully will surely (but slowly maybe) absorb the positive things that The Golden Rule offers. As homework to you parents, allow me to rephrase a little the words of the Lord this way: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up Parenting 101. It is never too late to let The Golden Rule take center stage in your home and in the heart of everyone who lives in your home. With The Golden Rule as a way of life, bullying may no longer thrive. FM

Even if The Golden Rule is considered as the core value of Christian morality, its meaning also occurs in various forms in nearly every religion and ethical tradition. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

FAMILY NOTE

Volume 6 | Number 1 June-August 2018

Romelda C. Ascutia Editor

rascutia888@gmail.com

Bringing Bullying to Light

remember this Fil-American transfer student we had in elementary class many moons ago. At first, everyone (we were in an all-girls school run by nuns) was in awe of this pretty girl, finding her mestiza features fascinating and her Yankee twang charming. Everybody wanted to be with her and be seen with her, and practice their English with her, too. However, once the novelty of the newcomer’s presence wore off, the mean girls in class started to make fun of her. They would approach her and laugh at her for various flimsy reasons—for not speaking fluent Filipino, for being too thin, for being too pale, for having curly brown hair. In the end, the transfer student, once a smiling and friendly child, turned silent and withdrawn. I felt sorry for her and embarrassed for our class, but I largely pretended not to see the bullies ganging up on her, fearing becoming the next object of their unwanted attention. That bullying in school is still a disturbing reality in recent times is buttressed by the fact that an anti-bullying law, Republic Act No. 10627, had to be passed in 2013 to address the issue and provide mechanisms for addressing it. (In case you’re interested, the “Anti-Bullying Act of 2013” is also known as thus: “An Act Requiring All Elementary and Secondary Schools to Adopt Policies to Prevent and Address the Acts of Bullying in Their Institutions.”) Bullying in my time took place mostly on school grounds only. Today, there are more creative ways to carry out intimidation and threats, including cyberbullying, a permutation spurred by the arrival of online social media. For our back-to-school issue, Family Matters, in our Special Section (from page 24), undertakes a deeper examination of bullying. This is not so that we can take sides or pass judgment, but so that we can clarify issues and recommend ways and programs to help the victim and the perpetrator, as both, though loathe to admit it, need adult understanding and intervention. Looking back at that incident in my school, I can’t help but regret being one of the so-called “hurtful bystanders,” potential witnesses who could and should have done something to stop the bullying but chose not to. Indeed, if society is to put an end to bullying, we should all aspire to be “helpful bystanders.” This requires us to have the courage to expose bullying when we encounter it, shining a light on this unacceptable behavior that surely damages minds, changes behaviors, and alters life courses for the long term. FM

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

PUBLISHER Don Bosco Press, Inc. ADVISER Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB EDITOR Romelda C. Ascutia ART DIRECTOR & PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Early Macabales CONTRIBUTORS Maridol Rañoa-Bismark Aileen Carreon Erica Cai Cortez Anna Cosio Rolando C. delos Reyes II Excel V. Dyquiangco Erlinda Esguerra Ruth Manimtim-Floresca Annabellie Gruenberg Stephanie Mayo Ross Valentin, M.D. DBPI-MMS PHOTOGRAPHER Raymond S. Mamaril CIRCULATION Don Bosco Press, Inc. PRODUCT SPECIALIST Jino Feliciano HAIR & MAKEUP ARTIST Ranilo D. Gabor LEGAL COUNSEL Sapalo Velez Bundang & Bulilan Law Oﬃces

is a quarterly magazine published by Don Bosco Press, Inc. Antonio Arnaiz cor. Chino Roces Avenues, Makati City, Philippines (02) 816-1519 / (02) 893-9876 Copyright 2018 by Don Bosco Press Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without permission from the publisher.

Tell us what you think! Your news and views are welcome. E-mail us at familymatters14344@gmail.com.

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

FRAMEABLE

TIPS FOR A GREAT

SCHOOL YEAR

By Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB

Set your objectives for the new school year. Objectives must be not more than four, must be attainable, and must be measureable. Aim to reach your objectives.

BEWARE OF INDIFFERENCE.

Be wise in choosing your circle of friends. Without judging anyone, allow wisdom to teach you that not all of your school companions are good inﬂuence. Be a good inﬂuence yourself. BEWARE OF BAD COMPANY.

BEWARE OF COMPLACENCY.

Choose well your extracurricular clubs. They must help you improve your overall performance in school and never the opposite.

BEWARE OF DISSIPATION.

Learn to ask questions and to seek necessary assistance from your teachers or classmates. Be ready also to give the necessary and proper assistance when asked. BEWARE OF PRIDE.

Keep guard over your spiritual and moral values. Life’s real treasures are those that cannot be bought, cannot be stolen, cannot be spoiled unless you allow it. Avoid doing things that you will regret for the rest of your life. BEWARE OF COMPROMISES.

Evaluate your performance in the previous school year. See where your strengths and weaknesses were; where you progressed and regressed. No one can better evaluate you than yourself.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Go for academic excellence. It does not automatically mean becoming an outstanding student. It only means making the most of your capacity and gift in fulﬁlling your scholastic duties.

BEWARE OF MEDIOCRITY.

Respect your elders in school as you respect your elders at home. They may be your teachers, school maintenance personnel, or anyone who is older than you. BEWARE OF ARROGANCE.

Punctually keep and meet all school deadlines. When given a task, make it always a point to ﬁnish it at least a week before the set date of submission.

BEWARE OF PROCRASTINATION.

Be responsible in keeping your things, in budgeting your school allowance, and in informing your parents about all school announcements and correspondence. Always ask permission from your elders before committing yourself to any activity inside and outside the school.

BEWARE OF DISHONESTY.

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

e h t On

O G

Ma e i n a h p Ste

Whether you’re a new mom or an experienced mother, juggling your time between house chores, family, career, and social obligations can often feel overwhelming. Being overworked can aﬀect your mental, physical, and emotional health—and that can impact on the quality of your family life.

While some mothers may take pride in their time management and organizational skills, few moms can really say they are not under stress or prone to exhaustion. If you find yourself frequently waking up in the morning tired, or wanting to crawl back to bed even before lunchtime hits, then you will benefit from these seven simple suggestions to boost your energy and get through your busy day strong and actually enjoying your routine.

ways moms can raise their energy levels to keep up with life’s demands.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

PARENTS’ CORNER | IMPROVING

“

Sleep is a vital indicator of one’s general health and well-being.

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT. “If you prepare your kids’ meals on a daily basis, eat first before you prepare your kids’ lunches,” says Soledad delas Alas, a mom of three and a self-described health and fitness enthusiast. “Wake up early and feed yourself first, or make sure you eat after preparing your kids’ lunchboxes, because it is not a myth that breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” says Mommy Soledad. “And don’t just grab whatever snack is within reach. Eat a proper breakfast meal composed of lean protein and fiber, which will increase your energy level and make it last until lunchtime. Protein-rich foods will also help keep you full.” Protein, in particular, increases the production of brain chemicals that regulate concentration. “Protein improves focus, making you feel alert and on top of your game,” says Kari Kooi, RD, of Houston Methodist Weight Management Center, on www. everydayhealth.com. If you’re a working mom with no time for a proper sit-down breakfast, then just grab a Greek yogurt and banana to eat on your way to work. Or, eat at work. Dinner is crucial, too. Eat a light meal with protein, and stay away from foods high in salt, fat, and calories. “Eating high-fat, high-salt, high-calorie meals before bed can leave you feeling heavy and bloated in the morning, which makes it

hard to get out of bed—sort of like a food hangover,” says Joy Bauer, a nutritionist and author of the “The Joy Fit Club.”

GET ENOUGH SLEEP. A mom who takes care of herself in order to be able to take care of her family makes sure she gets enough sleep. Inadequate sleep will definitely make you sluggish and irritable the entire day. “Sleep is a vital indicator of one’s general health and well-being. An adult needs an average of seven to nine hours of sleep,” says Teacher Ananea MoranArcega, 35. “Having adequate sleep allows our body to rest and recover from the physical activities and mental stress of the day. It also allows us to pay greater attention to detail and plan the

“

Be kind to yourself. We are all God’s work in progress.

”

activities that involve our family and career,” she adds. Lack of sleep, on the other hand, can lead to a weakened immune system, making us more susceptible to different ailments, she says. And don’t hit the snooze button. Make it a habit to get up at the first alarm. “‘Snoozing’ fragments sleep, which is counterproductive, energy-wise,” says sleep expert Ana Krieger, M.D., in a Working Mother article.

EXERCISE REGULARLY. “Get your body moving and your heart and blood pumping before you start the day. That means exercising in the morning, not in the evening,” says Mommy Soledad. “Studies show moderate exercise in the morning contributes to energy spike, so doing it early will pack you with enough energy to last the day. No need for the gym—just a 30-minute brisk walk around the neighbourhood will do you great.”

GET A CAFFEINE BOOST. If you’re allowed to take caffeine, a cup of coffee in the morning is great. Caffeine, which is found in coffee, is a mild stimulant and provides a short-term boost that increases concentration. According to U.S. Food and Drug Administration reports, caffeine stimulates the central nervous system, while other studies show that it affects areas of the brain responsible for memory and concentration. As a

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

working mom, you want your memory sharp the entire day.

TAKE YOUR VITAMINS. If you feel that you are unable to get complete nutrients for the day, consult your general physician on what supplementary vitamins to take with your daily meals for that much needed long-lasting energy. Also, consult on the time of day that’s perfect to take certain vitamins so they work most effectively.

MAKE A TO-DO LIST. “Every day a mother has many goals to finish,” says Teacher Hillary Joy M. Rufino. “And one effective way is to write down tasks or have a to-do list ahead of time so that each day is already planned well.” This technique will also let moms remember what to do since the tasks are written down, says Teacher Hillary. “Research also says that people who write their goals are more successful.” So whether in print or in digital form, draw up your to-do list for the following day or even the entire week.

And stick to your plan. Ticking off each “done” item, no matter how small, will give you a sense of accomplishment and subconsciously train you to make this a habit—preventing procrastination and contributing to your time management skills. Karen Cecille N. Puentespina, 38, a blogger at www.lifeaskcknowsit.com and an entrepreneur with kids aged 16 and 11, agrees that time management and an organized household is crucial. “For most of us mothers these days, life feels impossible and overwhelming,” shares Karen. “However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way. Whenever I feel like the world is closing in on me, I pause and I take things one step at a time. Having a system in the house and being organized at home with meals, schedules, our things, the kids, and work make our lives more functional.”

ALLOT A “ME TIME.” Don’t forget to pamper and treat yourself sometime during the day. Set aside a “me time” and engage in a hobby that de-stresses you, like gardening, stitching, or painting. “Be kind to yourself. We are all God’s work in progress,” says Teacher Ananea. “Take a break. Do something that makes you happy. Watch a movie or spend time with close friends.” A healthy mother is not just a happy mother, but an effective one. Always love yourself and take care of yourself so you will have greater capacity to care for your family, especially your growing children. “Based on my observations in dealing with children and engaging with parents, a good and stable support

system primarily from the mother may lead to the child developing a solid foundation of self and an awareness that he is capable,” says Teacher Ananea. She further explains: “Studies have shown that the absence of a mother/mother figure is found to be associated with problems in school (e.g. low academic performance), socio-emotional development (e.g. difficulty getting along with peers), and behavior (e.g. low self-control),” she continues. “Children who lack maternal support and guidance may also develop trust issues and difficulty forming stable and long-lasting relationships with people,” she adds. No, there’s no such thing as a supermom, and taking care of yourself is crucial to your and your family’s well-being. Love yourself by adopting a healthy lifestyle; it will bolster not just your energy, but your happiness and productivity as well—to the benefit of everyone around you. FM

A good and stable support “system primarily from the mother may lead to the child developing a solid foundation of self. 10

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

”

PARENTS’ CORNER | GUIDING

Man Man to 1 By Erica Cortez-Araullo

Dad, Papa, Tatay, Pops. It is awesome to hear your son call you by one of these names, but they also underscore the serious responsibilities of fatherhood. For fathers with boys, they must assume the daunting role of teaching their sons how to become strong and responsible men and good fathers someday, primarily by leading through example. But how exactly can dads raise their boys well in a world where people often see men abdicating their role as dads or treating their families badly? Several fathers share with Family Matters how they are bringing up their boys to grow up responsible, praiseworthy, and exemplary men.

TEACH BOYS TO RESPECT WOMEN

It is important to teach sons the proper way to treat girls and women. This is especially so dads can counter the wrong notions and demeaning stereotypes about the opposite gender that a lot of young boys are unfortunately exposed to on the Internet, in movies, and in music. Family ministry worker Dennis Mariano emphasizes that dads must start early in teaching their sons to respect women—specifically through their own example. “The absence of a father’s positive influence makes boys vulnerable to twisted imagery regarding women,” the father of two boys warned. So what’s the best way to train boys to honor women? “Love and respect your wife,” Mariano advises. More often than not, the relationship of a boy’s parents establishes the foundation for his own future relationships. “When a father loves and respects the mother of his son, you are showing the boy how he should treat women,” Mariano explains. A father should also show that misogynistic or sexist comments and behavior are unacceptable. “It is unfortunate that there are some men who consider this [behavior] as normal,” Mariano observes. “Degrading women in any way or form, even just as a joke, should not be tolerated.”

TEACH BOYS THAT FAMILY COMES FIRST

Although busy with work, fathers still have to become involved in the lives of their sons by sharing in their activities and hobbies, and being present in their offspring’s milestones. Sales director Harry Javier shares that he wants his three sons to know that they can come to him even after a long day at work and talk openly to him about anything. “After work, I make a constant effort in the evening to sit down and have dinner with my children, ask them how their day went, see if things are well, and just casually give them advice on different matters,” he says. With two sons already in their teens, Harry sees to it that the teenagers still look at family bonding as fun time. He dedicates weekends to his family by cooking together, visiting relatives, and driving the boys to football training and other similar activities. Their favorite weekend activity? “Playing video games,” Javier quips.

things only dads can teach their sons.

DAY! IS FATHER’S

TEACH THEM TO EMBRACE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

Research shows that kids more readily pick up vices when they see their parents caught up in addictive behavior themselves, like engaging in substance abuse. Conversely, fathers who model clean living can help their sons withstand peer pressure to take up bad habits for the sake of belonging or looking macho. Mariano recalls how he used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day in full view of his children. When he and his wife learned that their eldest boy had been subjected to disciplinary action after being caught smoking in school, Mariano was unsure how to convince his son to quit when he himself was guilty of smoking. “If you wouldn’t teach it to your children, why would you allow yourself to do it?” he points out. Because of this (and a fortuitous flu infection) Mariano was able to kick his smoking habit and successfully convince his son to do the same. Both have not smoked in years.

TEACH THEM THE RIGHT VALUES THE RIGHT WAY

Fathers are oftentimes considered as the disciplinarian in the family. For those with sons, it is imperative to discipline with love, not in anger. Instead of using scare tactics, patiently explain to your kids the consequences of their actions, and give them space to evaluate the impact of their choices in the short and long term. A dad to five sons, marketing consultant Ric Cortez says a child can easily sense if a parent is disciplining out of anger. According to experts, this tactic rarely works and often results in either shortlived good behavior or long-term anger and resentment in the boy. “Disciplining correctly, specifically during the formative years of a child, is more effective in helping the boy develop good habits,” Ric says. On the flipside, Ric stresses that it is crucial to affirm good behavior. “Good news like school achievements relating to sports, recitals, and project accomplishments… these merit celebration like food deliveries and eat-out time,” he shares.

TEACH THEM HOW TO COPE WITH TRIALS

More than seeing their parents succeed, experts say that boys learn more about navigating life when they witness their dad facing difficulties with courage. “When your son sees you fail, yet you courageously handled the failure well, he understands that setbacks are not the end of everything,” Mariano says. “He understands that it is normal to fail and that there are always lessons to be learned from failure.” On Harry’s part, whenever faced with difficulties, he says he tries to remain as calm as possible. He strives to find immediate solutions rather than ranting about the problem when he gets home and subjecting his kids to stress. “If it’s too much for me to handle, I privately discuss it with my wife,” he adds. For Ric, it is a sign of strong character when a father seeks to be courageous and prudent during hard times. “There was a time when we stayed in a small apartment and ate only cup noodles and lugaw,” he says. However, he considers that part of their life as a special time for his family. “We chose to live simply and constantly reminded ourselves of our blessings,” Ric adds.

The relationship of a boy’s parents establishes the foundation for his own future relationships. 12

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Ric Cortez and family

7 6

TEACH BOYS HOW TO LEAD

God intends that man lead and guide his family. However, leadership also means leading by serving—providing for your family’s many needs and being reliable and supportive. “Through a dad’s servant leadership, sons will understand leadership more effectively and can be more equipped to lead at work and in a community,” Mariano said. Ric explains that servant leadership emphasizes the need for dads to exemplify sincere kindness. “It takes a strong leader to set aside ego and behave with compassion,” he says.

Fathers who model clean living can help their sons withstand peer pressure to take up bad habits for the sake of belonging or appearing macho. Harry Javier and family

TEACH SONS ABOUT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

While easier said than done, Mariano explains that fathers must consciously remember to love their children unconditionally even when their kids may sometimes let them down. “When sons are of the right age and start making choices that are different from yours, dads should still provide love and support,” Mariano stresses. “This will open the door to trust and make sons more open to being guided, even when they have their own families already.” Since all his sons are already adults, Ric has chosen to focus on what he can control—his own actions, imparting godly advice, and leading by example. “The life and future of my children is not something that I have full control of,” he said. “Whatever their fate is, at this point, I have already entrusted it to God.” Ric, who enjoys photography and music, happily shares, however, that things have been working out well for his boys, especially those who are in the field of arts. “I remember my father used to tell me that artists usually end up poor because they don’t make enough money,” he recalls. “That is why, for me, it is priceless to see my children enjoy expressing their creativity that my wife and I supported.” Harry, meanwhile, says he plans to give his young sons the freedom to make their own decisions when they are of the right age. “What I try to do as early as now is to keep them positive and motivated, in hopes that it directs them to making correct decisions in the future,” he states. It’s not easy being a daddy, but it sure is one of the most (if not the most) fulfilling and ennobling roles a man can be entrusted with. So keep up the good work, Dad! FM

June-August une-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

THE

FILIPINO FILIPI

Plate

As students head back to school, let’s revisit the basics of preparing healthy, nutritious food for our children, from breakfast to lunch baon and all the way to dinner. 14

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

By Aileen Carreon As parents, it is not enough that we provide our children plenty of food to eat. Part of our responsibility is to make sure they consume nutritious foods essential to their growth and good health.

With the opening of a new school year, it becomes even more important that our kids continue to get the nutrients they need and eat the meals that will keep their minds sharp, their energy levels up, and their bodies developing properly. “When coming up with a meal plan for your family, consider moderation, variety, and balance,” says Anne Jereza, a registered nutritionist-dietician and a customer manager at Nestlé Philippines, Inc. She recommends Pinggang Pinoy, an easy-to-understand food guide being promoted by the Food and Nutrition Research Institute-Department of Science and Technology (FNRI-DOST) and Department of Health (DOH). Pinggang Pinoy uses a familiar food plate model to convey the right food group proportions on a per-meal basis to meet the body’s energy and nutrient needs. Pinggang Pinoy features the “Go,” “Grow,” and “Glow” food groups.

GO FOODS

The Go food group is rich in carbohydrates, which support bodily functions and physical activity. Included in this group are rice, pasta, bread, corn, root crops, and oatmeal. “Choose whole grains like brown rice (instead of white rice), whole wheat bread (as opposed to white bread), and corn,” advises Jereza. Whole grains contain more fiber and nutrients, according to the FNRI.

PARENTS’ CORNER | EATING

GROW FOODS

The Grow food group contains protein, which is essential to the growth and repair of tissues, including muscles, bones, and body organs. Examples are fish, lean meat, poultry, eggs, beans, and nuts. Baking, broiling, grilling, and roasting are the healthiest ways to prepare meats. “Milk, dairy products, and small seafood like dilis and tiny shrimps are rich in both protein and calcium, which builds strong bones and teeth. Try to include yogurt also,” says Jereza.

GLOW FOODS

Fruits and vegetables fall under the Glow foods category. They provide the body with a range of vitamins and minerals, as well as fiber for a healthy digestive system. “Different veggies and fruits have different health benefits, so try to serve different kinds per week. Fruits in season are the sweetest and are cheaper,” suggests Jereza. She recommends checking out the DOST-FNRI’s Pinggang Pinoy for Kids (3-12 years) and Pinggang Pinoy for Teens (13-18 years), as they are ideal guides in preparing a healthy meal plan for your children. For example, a one-day Pinggang Pinoy meal plan for teens could go like this: fried bangus, camote tops salad with tomatoes, rice, and banana for breakfast; chicken tinola with green papaya and malunggay, rice, and mango for lunch; and fried galunggong, pinakbet, rice, and watermelon for dinner. Suggested morning snack is suman, and merienda in the afternoon can be boiled camote. “The required serving of vegetables should be as much as the meal’s serving of rice or other carbohydrates under the Go food group. Combined, these will take up a little more than half of your

“

When coming up with a meal plan for your family, consider moderation, variety, and balance.

child’s plate. The serving of fruit should be as much as the serving of protein or food items from the Grow group like chicken,” notes Jereza. She points out that since no single food item can provide all the nutrients your child needs, variety is key in meal planning. “Exercise variety by having different types of ingredients in your meal.” “One-dish meal, which combines both meat and vegetables in one cooking, is an easy way to adhere to Pinggang Pinoy. Examples are sinigang, nilaga, and kare-kare,” adds Jereza.

”

Marites Terorra-Santos, mom to a teenaged boy, makes a conscious effort to serve healthy and balanced meals at home. “We always have fruits and vegetables. My son’s favorite is chop suey. As much as possible, we don’t fry. We go for steamed dishes or those with soup.” “My son’s school does not sell junk foods and soft drinks, so I’m assured that he eats nutritious and healthy food when in school,” she adds. Mother of three Kathee BenesaGarcia eats healthy food to set a good example for her kids. “I prepare the food for my family. I try to include veggies and cut them into small pieces to get my kids to eat them. My husband and I also set a limit on buying junk food or chocolates.” Charisse Castillo-Marin acknowledges the difficulty of preparing a meal plan for her four teens, especially because they have different tastes and preferences. One thing they have agreed on is to cut off the fats from the meat they eat.

DRESSED-UP DISHES

THE HEALTHY LUNCH BOX

As for what goes into your kid’s school lunch box, Jereza recommends whole grain cereals, cereal bars, and crackers. For heavier snacks like sandwiches, she suggests adding vegetables. You may also pack whole fruits. Include dairy products such as milk, yogurt, and cheese. Plus healthy drinks, preferably water.

Identifying and listing the healthy foods to give your kids only gets half the job done. Given that most young people find less-healthy food more to their

The FNRI recommends that each healthy meal should be composed of 33% rice, 33% vegetables, 17% meat, and 17% fruit. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

“

One-dish meal, which combines both meat and vegetables in one cooking, is an easy way to adhere to Pinggang Pinoy.

”

Pinggang Pinoy groups

Pinggang Pinoy is intended to help Filipinos acquire healthy eating habits needed to attain optimum nutrition. The ﬁrst Pinggang Pinoy food guide was launched in 2014 for Filipino adults and depicts the typical Filipino diet. However, since energy and nutrient needs vary based on age, sex and level of physical activity, Pinggang Pinoy food guides for the different population and physiologic groups have also been developed. The FNRI-DOST launched the Pinggang Pinoy for the different population groups—children, adolescents, elderly, pregnant mother, and lactating women—in 2016.

liking, the next challenge is to get them to eat the healthy food you have prepared for them. Even before they actually taste the food, your children will have prejudged whether the dish tastes good or not depending on what they see on their plate. It is therefore important to make the food look appetizing. Jereza gives these suggestions to give the dishes more appeal:  Cut vegetables in different sizes and shapes to create variety.  Combine fruits and vegetables of different colors so the dishes look more appetizing.

 Garnish the dish with fresh herbs like cilantro for a better presentation.  Use the best serving dish or plate you have. For meals at home, make sure you eat together as a family. Make it a pleasant experience for your children every time you share and enjoy a healthy meal. By faithfully preparing a healthy meal plan for your children, you are teaching them to develop the habit of eating well. “Establishing the habit of healthy eating starts at home, while the kids are young. Teaching them early is a way to invest in their healthier future. Teaching kids to choose what is healthy will give you the confidence that they will make informed choices when you’re not around,” says Jereza. FM

6 Tips for Building Good Eating Habits The National Nutrition Council (NNC) gives these general guidelines to ensure the whole family, especially kids and teens, is eating healthy: 1 Eat regular meals, especially breakfast. This gives the body the fuel it needs for energy the whole day. 2 Drink lots of water every day for adequate hydration. 3 Limit intake of sugar-sweetened beverages to reduce the risk of obesity and tooth decay. 4 Eat less salty, fried, fatty, and sugar-rich foods to prevent chronic diseases. 5 Serve healthy snacks and eat less of processed foods. Try having fruit and popcorn instead of cookies and ice cream. Drink fruit juice instead of soda. 6 Understand nutrition information on product labels to make smart food choices. For teens in particular, the NNC advises them to remain active by exercising or joining a sport, get enough rest and sleep, and avoid smoking cigarettes and drinking alcoholic beverages.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

PARENTS’ CORNER | RELATING

The Floresca family’s last Christmas in the Philippines in 2016

Home is where Love Is By Ruth Manimtim-Floresca

A wife and mom confirms the truth that home is anywhere as long as you are together as a family. I love traveling and exploring new places, especially with my family. But on those instances when I have to travel for work, I always look forward to coming home and once more being with the people I love.

Their most recent photo together: Ruth, Nonoy, and children (clockwise from left) Rey, Daniel, Josh, and James

When my husband Nonoy and I were still a young couple, we decided that working abroad and leaving the other behind to look after our four sons should never be an option. Especially since our third son, James, has special needs and requires the care of both parents, we agreed to face financial challenges together rather than choose to work overseas and earn more, but at the cost of just one parent raising the kids alone. We held on to our faith that God would see us through anything. And you know what? The Lord sustained us and provided for our needs, particularly during really trying times! Our prayer continued to be that if it was really God’s plan for one of us to work abroad, please let us go together as a whole family and not leave anyone behind. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

When my husband Nonoy and I were still a young couple, we decided that working abroad and leaving the other behind to look after our four sons should never be an option. IN LIMBO

Several years ago, we found out that despite my U.S.-based father-in-law’s passing in 1999, the petition he filed in 1993 for my husband and Noy’s sister (my third sister-in-law) was approved. Moreover, the petition could be passed on to a family member who was willing to continue the sponsorship. My first sister-in-law, who lives in Guam, asked us if we’d like to pursue the petition. Knowing that the U.S. is a lot more medically and technologically advanced than our home country, Noy and I started dreaming of better opportunities for James, our son with cerebral palsy, and our three other sons. Once more, our prayer remained that, God willing, He would allow all six of us to migrate abroad. Around 2014, my two U.S.-based sisters-in-law started doing everything they could to process our papers. They consulted an immigration lawyer who facilitated the changing of my husband’s petition category from single to married, and hired another attorney to ensure that our oldest son, who was about to turn 21, would not be denied a visa. The back and forth submissions and approvals of documents took many, many months. Each time we thought we’d completed everything, we’d be asked to submit a certificate, another file, and another, and another until we were left wondering if that phase of submitting requirements would ever end. 18

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

For more than three years, our family felt like we were living in limbo, unable to make long-term plans, uncertain if we could really leave or not. Many times, we had prayer moments where we pleaded with God to just let us receive a yes or no answer from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services so we could be done with the seemingly endless wait and move on with our lives.

ROLLER-COASTER RIDE

In early May 2017, we finally received our visa interview scheduled for June at the U.S. Embassy. From experience, we anticipated more bumps ahead, but we held on to our faith that God would lead us through until the end of the journey. Unfortunately, two of our sons initially didn’t pass the U.S.-mandated medical exam and had to undergo additional tests. Only four of us went to the June interview where our eldest son, Rey, was almost denied a visa due to the “age-out” issue. Despite our pleas, the consul refused to look over the legal papers drafted by our lawyer proving that Rey was still a minor when the petition was reinstated. We all were in tears as we approached the releasing section to receive further instructions; it was impossible to feel elated with one visa application rejected. Mercifully, the lady at the window scrutinized our documents thoroughly and told us to wait as she consulted her supervisor,

The couple samples the bus system in California.

who then returned our family’s thick file to the consul. After what seemed like an eternity, we were called back to the window to be told that Rey would also be issued a visa. As always, God was watching over us! With plans to travel together, we waited for two months for James’ and Josh’s test results, only to find out that our special child had to undergo another series of medical clearances. Although a difficult decision, we all agreed that my husband and two sons should fly ahead to the U.S. in September so that Daniel, the youngest, could still make it to senior high school enrollment. Josh, who was approved for a visa in August, insisted he stay behind to help me take care of James while we waited another couple of months for his brother’s additional medical test results. The first month away from my husband and two sons was tough. Thankfully, the video calls, often teary conversations, that we made almost every day helped us to cope. None of us thought things could get more difficult, but they did.

FINAL HURDLES

It was a long and stressful day when Josh and I brought James back to St. Luke’s Medical Center the day before my special child’s U.S. visa interview in October. After 13 hours of waiting and lots of hassles in between, he was finally given medical clearance.

Nonoy and Josh take James for a stroll in the park.

The newly settled family partake of their first Thanksgiving meal with their U.S.-based relatives.

Many times, we had prayer moments where we pleaded with God to just let us receive a yes or no answer so we could be done with the seemingly endless wait and move on with our lives. The next day, we encountered another problem with a missing document the consul asked for that was already submitted during the June interview. So I had to re-submit a copy of the same file via courier the next day, unsure whether James would be issued a visa any time soon, or if we would be asked again for additional papers that would further delay the process. With Josh’s visa expiring earlier than mine, my second son had to be booked on a solo flight so he would arrive in the U.S. without any problems. This new development left James and me alone for another month. Those weeks were probably some of the loneliest in our lives, when I realized that homesickness isn’t really tied to a physical place. Rather, it is about separation from desperately missed loved ones. Now I know it is possible to be homesick for people, too! Our house in Alabang by then already felt like an empty shell. As days turned into weeks with no visa in sight and no updates from the U.S. Embassy call center agents I talked

to almost every day, I began to wonder if I’d ever see my family again. Although kept busy during the day packing and selling what was left of our stuff, I still felt deep despair at night as I watched James sleep, while longing for my husband and other sons. Once more, faith in God’s plans kept us hoping for the best. It felt surreal when James’ visa finally arrived at the house, and the mad scramble for last-minute packing began. Despite my worries over how to survive a 20-hour trip with a wheelchair-bound child in tow plus four big pieces of luggage and another four carry-on bags, my determination to do everything I could to be with my family was greater than any other hurdles I may still encounter.

COMING HOME

I was deeply grateful that my mom, siblings, and nieces arrived the day before our departure to help me clean the house and finalize everything before my son and I left for the airport. Their love and support were such a welcome

reprieve from the loneliness of the past weeks. The date November 16, 2017 will forever remain in my memory as the day I finally found myself home again when I felt my husband’s arms around me the moment James and I emerged from LAX’s arrival ramp. All the apprehensions and exhaustion instantly faded away with the knowledge that we were, indeed, finally where we were supposed to be. I’ve read somewhere that we will never know how strong we can be until being strong is the only option left. I can attest to that, given everything that we’ve been through since we started our immigration process. I’m sharing our story to encourage other families to keep holding on to each other and to continue trusting in God’s guidance in the midst of challenges and temporary separations. Have faith that He will see you through. Remember, too, that many times, life may take us to unexpected places, but love will always bring us home. FM June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Ultimate Handbook on

DISASTER

PREPAREDNESS, By Ross Valentin, M.D.

Disasters are inevitable and can occur Without knowledge preparation, our anywhere. Some are and predictable and provide families easily become victims in Disasters times of advancecan warnings but others do not. disasters calamities. Disasters arecausing defined as devastateand families and communities, “natural or man-made events that cause human, injury, disability, disease outbreaks, damage material, economic or environmental losses to physical infrastructure, deaths, and loss ofthat exceed community’s or society’s ability to people’sthe livelihood and homes. cope using its own resources, causing disruption in the functioning of a community or a society.”

Why must we prepare? Time and again, it has been shown that disaster preparedness is a lifesaver. It can reduce people’s fears, anxiety, and panic, enabling them to make better decisions, which ultimately translates to their safety and survival during a disaster. It also helps families and communities get back on their feet faster after the devastation. Is your family ready for disasters? If your answer is no, then remember that complacency is dangerous. The need to prepare for emergencies is very real and cannot be put off; you should enhance your family’s disaster preparedness now.

MEASURES TOWARD PREPAREDNESS

Here are some basic and simple steps your family should take in order to gear up for potential disasters.

Time and again, it has been shown that disaster preparedness is a lifesaver. 20

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

PARENTS’ CORNER | PROTECTING

, PART 1 1

PREPARE A FAMILY EMERGENCY SUPPLY KIT. Make sure you have basic supplies on hand that should last for at least three days. Having adequate supplies at home can provide for your basic needs and keep your family alive during and after a disaster. Your supply kit should include the following:  Water (1 gallon per person per day, for drinking and sanitation)  Food (ready-to-eat and non-perishable foods; can opener)  Infant formula and diapers  Maintenance medicines  First-aid kit  Flashlight  Battery-powered or hand-cranked radio  Extra batteries  Cell phone and battery charger  Fire extinguisher  Emergency tools (wrench or pliers, pry bar, Swiss army knife, bolt cutters)  Whistle, small bells, emergency alarm to signal for help  Basic toiletries, disinfectant, moist towelettes, garbage bags, plastic ties for personal sanitation  Feminine supplies for females  Eyeglasses  Change of clothing (including a long-sleeved shirt, long pants, sturdy shoes)  Blanket

The first of a three-part series on keeping your family on survival mode in different kinds of disasters.  Matches in a waterproof container  Dust mask, plastic sheeting, duct tape to filter out contaminated air  Money Additional items to consider adding to an emergency supply kit:  Work gloves  Rope or nylon cord  Emergency reference materials, first-aid book  Newspapers  Mess kits, paper cups and plates, plastic utensils, paper towels  Paper, pencil  Books, games, puzzles for children  Local maps You can also keep around household chlorine bleach and a medicine dropper. When one part bleach is diluted in nine parts water, the solution can be used as a disinfectant. Or in an emergency, you can use bleach to treat water by using 16 drops of regular household liquid bleach per gallon of water. Do not use scented or color-safe bleaches that have additional cleaning agents for this purpose. Family members should also have individual portable emergency supply kits (“Go Bag”) in the workplace, school, vehicle, or other places where they spend a lot of time. Your Go Bag should preferably be a small backpack (to keep both hands free) and located near the exits, ready for you to carry out with you anytime. Be sure to update your family emergency supply kit every three months. In addition, place copies of important family documents such as land titles, insurance policies, identification papers, and bank account records in a waterproof, portable container. Keep easily accessible a list of emergency numbers and the telephone numbers of family members. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Draft a family emergency plan. The plan should include knowing what to do before, during, and after various types of disasters; how to avoid danger during disasters; where to evacuate; which emergency hotlines to call (see sidebar); and who is in charge of doing what. Make sure everyone in your family is properly informed of the plan. Also, have a special plan for very young children and people with special needs (elderly and disabled). Teach family members including children and people with special needs how to use first-aid kits, fire extinguishers, and alarms. Show them where the emergency exits are (at home, at work, and in school). These exits should be accessible, conveniently located, and prominently marked.

Develop a communication plan. A communication plan ensures that your family will know how to reach each other in periods of disaster. Each member should have his or her Go Bag and a list of emergency numbers as well as the contact numbers of family members in the wallet. At the same time, designate a meeting place in case communication lines get cut off. This also entails making sure your phone battery is always charged and you keep extra batteries. Social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook can likewise be designated as avenues for communication purposes. For very young children, teach them to memorize their parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; full names, home telephone number, and home address.

Teach family members including children and people with special needs how to use firstaid kits, fire extinguishers, and alarms. 22

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Plan with your neighbors. Remember that you cannot do everything all by yourself. A strong social network will be very helpful in case a disaster strikes. Talk to your neighbors and include them in your survival planning.

Emergency Numbers to Remember  National Emergency Hotline: 911

Bureau of Fire Protection: (632) 426-0219; 426-3812; 426-0246

Lessen the impact of disasters. Also referred to as disaster mitigation, reducing the impact of calamitous events can include activities such as trimming trees, repairing unstable parts of the house, covering windows before a typhoon, securing important documents and valuables in waterproof envelopes and bags in dry areas at home, and storing flammable, toxic household chemicals in the lowest shelf of the cabinet. It also calls for switching off electricity and gas mains during disasters to prevent electrocution and fire. It is also common sense to build property according to acceptable standards and away from flood plains, river banks, coasts, fault lines, as well as to insure your property and valuables. It’s also crucial to care for and protect the environment, like by not throwing garbage into sewers or rivers, and by planting trees, and practicing the three R’s (reduce, reuse, recycle) at home (see previous issue), as this can slow down the effects of climate change and lessen floodings.

Department of Social Welfare and Development: (632) 931-81-01;

Participate in disaster preparedness drills regularly. Constant practice prepares your family for any unexpected perils better.

Disaster Response Unit: 856-3665, 852-8081; Text hotline: (0918) 9122813

Metro Manila Development Authority: Hotline 136; (632) 882-4150-77 loc. 337 (rescue unit) National Disaster and Risk Reduction and Management Council: (632) 911-5061 to 65 Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Administration: (632) 434-2696

Philippine Coast Guard: (632) 5278481 to 89; Action Center 527-3877; (0917) PCG-DOTC or (0917) 724-3682 (Globe); (0918) 967-4697 Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology: (632) 426-1468 to 79

In the next couple of issues, Family Matters will be focusing on specific disasters— typhoons, floods, storm surges, earthquakes—and how you can prepare your loved ones to overcome these challenges. FM

Philippine National Police: Hotline 117; (632) 722-0650; Text hotline (0917) 847-5757 Red Cross: Hotline 143; (632) 5270000; 527-8385 to 95

Source: Official Gazette of the Philippine Government

It’s crucial to care for and protect the environment, like by not throwing garbage into sewers or rivers, and by planting trees, and practicing the three R’s (reduce, reuse, recycle) at home. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

SPECIAL SECTION

UNDERSTANDING 25

The Making of a Bully

A Parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Guide to Bullying

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Stand Your Ground

Special Section

UNDERSTANDING BULLYING

The MAKING of a

y l l u B

BY ROLANDO C. DELOS REYES II, MA ED, RGC

A closer look at the world of bullies, and how we can help put an end to the pattern of abuse and violence.

A Monster Calls, Mean Girls, Carrie, The Babysitter, Bang Bang You’re Dead, Girl Interrupted, The Outcasts—these are just some of the films that have been released that contain the theme of bullying. Some of them are horror ﬂicks playing on the possibility of retaliation by the bullying victims, while others take a more serious, reﬂective look at the issue. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Films are just one of many media platforms that are used to increase public awareness of bullying and the causes and effects of this phenomenon that is the bane of many lives, particularly children and teenagers, who are still on a search for their own identity. Let us take a closer look at bullying and the unique role we can play to prevent or stop it.

BULLYING DEFINED

The Anti-Bullying Alliance of the United Kingdom deﬁnes bullying as “the intentional hurting of one person or group by another, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. It is usually repetitive or persistent, although some one-off attacks can have a continuing harmful effect on the victim/s”. Our government, through Republic Act No. 10627, or the Anti-Bullying Act of 2013, limits its deﬁnition of bullying as one that occurs among students, stating that: “Bullying shall refer to any severe or repeated use by one or more students of a written, verbal, or electronic expression, or a physical act or gesture, or any combination thereof, directed at another student that has the effect of actually causing or placing the latter in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm or damage to his property, creating a hostile environment at school for the other student; infringing on the rights of the other student at school; or materially and substantially disrupting the education process or the orderly operation of a school…”

From these deﬁnitions, we can surmise that bullying involves intentional hurting that may be physical (like hitting or kicking someone or taking someone’s belongings), verbal (like teasing and name-calling), social (like isolating or removing a person from a group), or electronic (like taunting using social media). The repetitiveness of the act is normally considered, but even one-time acts of bullying can also be included based on the severity of their effects upon the victim.

ACTORS IN BULLYING

Even one-time acts of bullying can be included based on the severity of their effects upon the victim.

Dan Olweus, Ph.D., has developed a conceptual framework called “The Bullying Circle” that identiﬁes several actors in a bullying situation. Normally, we would identify only two main actors—the bully (the one who plans and/or starts the bullying) and the victim (the target of the bullying). But Olweus adds two major groups in the bullying process—the hurtful bystanders and the helpful bystanders. Hurtful bystanders are composed of five groups: 1. The henchmen may be considered as the bully’s sidekicks. Though they do not plan or start the bullying, they follow through and take an active part in the bullying act. 2. The active supporters cheer the bully on in order to seek material or social gain. 3. The passive supporters enjoy the bullying situation but do not show open support—they are those who secretly giggle or smile when the bullying happens. 4. The disengaged onlookers are merely observers who turn their back on what’s happening because they feel that it is none of their business. 5. The potential witnesses know that they ought to help the victim but do not. Helpful bystanders are persons who are characterized as resisters, defenders, or witnesses for the victim of the bullying act. They actively resist the bullying, stand up to the bully, or speak out against the bullying.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Special Section

UNDERSTANDING BULLYING

The goal of every anti-bullying program should be to encourage everyone involved to be helpful bystanders in order to curtail bullying and to create a safe environment for everyone. The goal of every anti-bullying program should be to encourage everyone involved to be helpful bystanders in order to curtail bullying and to create a safe environment for everyone.

THE BULLY AND THE VICTIM

Odd one out—this is the simplest way to spot a potential victim of bullying. The television show Glee became popular several years ago for featuring those who were different— persons who were physically handicapped, who belonged to regional or ethnic minorities, who had mental health conditions, who had special needs, who had gender issues, who had weight problems, etc.—as part of an outstanding choral group in school. The show attracted fans all over the world because it gave a voice to those whom the bullying world labels as “losers.” For a time, the show inspired the victims that they could also make a stand against bullying. Surveying a crowd, we can often easily spot those who are different from the rest. It would be good to monitor their behavior for signs of being bullied, such as withdrawal or isolation, absences in class or in school activities, or possessing disturbing notes indicating low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideations. These are actually red flags that signify the victim’s cry for help and support, though at times he or she will not acknowledge it. On the other hand, we can also sense the behavior manifestations of those who tend to be bullies. They are usually physically stronger than their victims. They have difficulty following rules in class or even the regulations of the whole school. And they show little concern for the feelings of others. We can say they are also the odd ones out—whether they are liked or not liked by their peers in schools. They use a characteristic that makes them stick out from the crowd— age, physical build, socio-economic status, family influence— and use it to their advantage to wield power over others. We need to be careful to not easily pass judgment on the bully. It may happen that at one time, the bully was the victim. Maybe in an earlier part of his or her school years, he

or she was the weaker one. It may even happen that he or she is both the bully and the victim. Maybe at home the bully is getting hurt by the very people who are supposed to protect him or her. We need to understand more about the inner dynamics of the bully, in order to help him or her make better decisions.

DISSECTING THE BULLY’S BEHAVIOR

There are three major sources from whom a bully starts to learn maladaptive behavior that hurts people. Family The potential bully experiences abandonment, neglect, or abuse—whether physical, emotional, or sexual—from his or her own family. The absence of the parents or misuse of parental presence correlates to the amount of repressed aggression in a bully, and this aggression manifests itself in how the bully in turn lashes out at his or her victim. Peers Another source is the circle of peers that makes the bully feel accepted and loved only when he or she exhibits bullying behavior. Bullies tend to come together and encourage each other’s bad behavior. Media Examples in media reinforce the aggressive behavior of bullies. Bullying characters that are portrayed in movies, television shows, and even video games may be seen as cool by those who admire their violent tendencies. These viewers then start to act like these characters in real life.

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Due to lack of training and guidance from parents or primary caregivers when they were growing up, bullies’ prosocial attitudes and behaviors were not developed, and they have difficulty understanding the feelings of others. Bullies tend to process social information inaccurately, which in turn sustains a hostile attributional bias—they are inclined to attribute hostile intentions to others, which allows them to have a favorable attitude towards resorting to violence to resolve any conflict or problem. A certain look, an accidental bump, or an unfavorable response may be enough trigger for them to start hounding someone. And it is difficult for bullies to trust people and to see their negative impact on others, which gives bullies a sort of social blindness. Melissa DeRosier, Ph.D., of the University of North Carolina, says, “Bullies are clueless as to how little they are liked. They are out of touch with what kids think.”

In so much as we allow ourselves to be affected by the bully, he or she still has a hold over us.

We need to be careful to not easily pass judgment on the bully. Researchers on bullying tend to classify bullies into two categories. Ineffectual aggressors are sometimes bullies, and sometimes “provocative” victims. Perceived provocation motivates their aggressive behavior. They get easily aroused emotionally and they cannot handle conflict. David Perry, Ph.D., states that “they get emotionally upset, they show distress easily, they are quick to become oppositional and defiant. They are quick to cry. And they are named most likely to lose fights amid exaggerated cries of frustration and distress.” On the other hand, effectual aggressors, such as the classic playground bully, are all-out aggressive and do not need a situation of conflict to set them off. They lack empathy and cooperation, and become friends with other bullies.

A PERSONAL NOTE

In this dance of violence and aggression, it always takes two to tango. There will be no bully if no one allows himself or herself to be bullied. The bully thrives on the negative reactions of his or her victims. Once the reactions cease, the bully becomes the odd one out. In so much as we allow ourselves to be affected by the bully, he or she still has a hold over us. Born with a harelip and growing up with a lanky build, I was a victim of bullying myself. In my elementary years,

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

I allowed myself to be teased and pushed around. Out of insecurity, I built and retreated inside my shell. From high school and throughout college, I slowly came out of my shell and explored singing, both as a cantor and as part of a choir. Not into team sports, I joined marathons and mountaineering groups instead. These activities I undertook partly to overcome my insecurity, and partly as a form of protest against those who had belittled me in my childhood. Little did I know then that I still harbored resentment in my heart for one of my bullies in grade school, who had kept pushing me until I fell down on the school ground. One time I saw a policeman whom I recognized as that old bully in school. Rage slowly built up in me, but I calmed myself down. Upon introducing myself as his school mate, I asked, “Did you know that you bullied me way back in grade school?” All he said was, “No, I don’t.” And it dawned on me that all those years I had kept these ill feelings toward this person, and this man did not even remember how he had bullied me. It made me realize that though the incident was over a long time ago, the bullying never stopped. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” – Proverbs 4:23. At the end of the day, this is what must be taught to every child or adult who becomes part of bullying. Keep only what is essential and what gives life. “It’s not what’s in a kid’s backpack that makes him dangerous, it’s what’s in his heart.” – Val in Bang Bang You’re Dead (2002) FM

A PARENTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

GUIDE TO

g n i y l l u B BY ANNABELLIE V. GRUENBERG

Whether perpetrator or victim, the child needs the loving intervention of parents and concerned adults in putting an end to the pattern of abuse. June-August une-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

When I asked my students last year to suggest topics for the workshops and seminars I’ll be conducting this school year, among the top five topics mentioned was bullying. Aside from wanting to know how to handle bullying, the students also wanted to know how to tell their parents without making things worse.

Naturally, parents will feel upset or angry on learning that their child is being bullied. On the other hand, some parents, confronted with the idea that their child is a bully, would be disbelieving and in denial. But if parents won’t acknowledge the situation and conduct proper intervention, then bullying will be a never-ending vicious cycle.

If parents won’t acknowledge the situation and conduct proper intervention, then bullying will be a never-ending vicious cycle. FORMS OF BULLYING

One of the best ways to handle bullying effectively is to become educated about it. Since a child is normally reluctant to speak up about bullying, either as victim or as perpetrator, it helps for parents to understand the different forms of bullying so they can take appropriate action. Physical bullying is using physical action to gain control and power over the victim or space. This includes shoving, hitting or throwing things at someone, destroying things, and engaging in other similar physical attacks. Usually, the bullies are stronger, bigger, and more aggressive, giving them the edge over their weaker, unassertive victims. Verbal bullying is damaging for the emotional scars they leave the victims. Mocking words, name-calling, and insults are the traditional weapons used, with the intention of putting down, shaming, or demeaning the victim. Since no physical wounds are visible, this kind of bullying often escapes the attention of adults.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Ask the child to suggest solutions; this will be helpful in his or her empowerment and healing. Cyberbullying or online bullying can be just as hurtful and damaging as other forms of abuse. Cyberbullies send negative images and make threats online, and target their victim in cyberspace or on the mobile phone. The perpetrator is encouraged to be cruel, invasive, and relentless by the cloak of anonymity provided by the vast Net. Emotional or relational bullying is more of social manipulation that is usually carried out by girls. The bullies aim to showcase their power and superiority through teasing, excluding, isolating, insulting, demeaning, and other acts that sabotage the image of their victims. Sexual bullying occurs in two ways. Sexual harassment entails malicious touching, or inappropriate touching; sexual innuendos; and, worse, sexual assaults. The other form involves sexual name-calling, putdowns because of the victim’s appearance or gender preference, giving pornographic materials, body-shaming, and sex-texting, among others.

RED FLAGS

Special Section

UNDERSTANDING BULLYING

What are the signs your child is being tormented? Here are some of them:  Shows fear or hesitancy to go to school or join school activities  Manifests changes in eating and sleeping patterns  Displays mood swings, emotional outbursts  Suddenly withdraws from family members, friends, classmates  Enacts bullying ways on toys, gadgets, family members  Retreats to his or her room  Talks about self-harming and suicide  Shows signs of depression, anxiety, loss of self-esteem  Has frequent bruises, wounds, bumps that she or he tries to hide  Starts to perform poorly in school  School supplies and other things always go missing

AIDING THE BULLIED

When you see some of the above signs, you may investigate calmly for the cause, including bullying. Here are measures you can take:

1 2 3 4

Make an appointment with the teacher to discuss your observations; having the guidance counselor around will help. If bullying is conﬁrmed, brainstorm ways to handle the case. Usually, the bully threatens the victim of more harm if the latter speaks out, so the victim must be protected in the process of investigation. Ideally, both parents of the victim should get involved. Before speaking to the victim, the parents can discuss the best way to handle the situation. Older siblings may also be called in to help. It is best that the parent who is closest to the child initiates the conversation. Proper timing is essential, as is an atmosphere of calm, positivity, and security. Gently ask the child what is wrong. The key is to listen ﬁrst and try to contain your own emotions, asking questions only if needed. The assurance of help, support, and love is very important. Explain that it is not all right to be hurt, attacked, or tormented by another person. Be clear that the intention is to help your child, and to correct, not punish, the perpetrator, so as to calm the child’s fear of retaliation by the oppressor. Ask the child to suggest solutions; this will be helpful in his or her empowerment and healing.

Adults around the child should check how their own actions, behavior, and language may be contributory factors. bullying tendencies. It would help to take the perspective that you are doing this because your child needs help. What is the proﬁle of a potential bully? Here are some of the indicators:  Is exposed to violence and aggression at home and in the neighborhood  Pushes, hits, or hurts others, especially those younger and smaller

Have another conversation with the school administration and guidance counselor to report what you have discovered and to discuss proactive solutions. Consider, too, the possibility that your child may not be the only bullying victim.

 Tends to destroy things, especially when angry

WHAT MAKES A BULLY

 Does not consider other people’s feelings, is self-centered

On the other hand, what if you are told that your child may be a bully? The truth may hurt, but it should not stop you from seeking out the facts and checking if your child indeed has

 Thinks highly of himself or herself, feels entitled  Uses crass and foul language, curses a lot  Gravitates towards rough, violent activities  Likely also bullied in the past or continuously abused at home  Finds gratiﬁcation in harassing and inﬂicting pain and fear

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

HELPING THE BULLY

Parents should be open to the concept that their child might need professional help in handling aggression.

Here are steps to take in dealing with a child who bullies:

Take bullying seriously. Parents, teachers, and school authorities should investigate allegations and nip bullying in the bud before things get out of hand.

Adults around the child should check how their own actions, behavior, and language may be contributory factors. Children imitate what they experience and see.

Identify other possible causes, like the video games the child plays, the media content exposed to, toys received, peer inﬂuence, etc.

Have a one-on-one conversation with the child, so he or she does not feel everyone is ganging up on him or her. Try to ﬁnd the root causes and the triggers; this will help you come up with more effective and creative ways of dealing with the issue besides scolding and punishment.

Talk to the child in a calm, nonviolent way while remaining focused, ﬁrm, and on top of the situation.

Let the child understand that such actions and attitude will not be accepted or tolerated. Explain why bullying is not normal, and that there are better ways to handle problems and challenges. Point out that violent actions have consequences and that it is vital to take responsibility for one’s actions and decisions, and to admit one’s mistakes. The intention is to guide the child toward rehabilitation.

UNESCO on Bullying

The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization or UNESCO defines bullying thus: “A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.” Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, in his book Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do (1993), includes three important components of bullying: Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions.

Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time .

an involves Bullying or of power imbalance strength.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Parents should be open to the concept that their child might need professional help in handling aggression, anger, and other negative emotions. It may be helpful to know if there are physiological problems triggering such behavior aside from the psychological aspect.

As parents to a bullying victim or to a child with bullying tendencies, you will need to give all your support to your child and to get all the help you can ﬁnd. If it is more effective to involve the different sectors of the community, then muster the courage to do so. These sectors may include the school, church, friends, relatives, family doctors, and whoever else is part of the child’s environment. When individuals and groups are enlisted in the ﬁght to end bullying, it creates greater public awareness, and this can be the start of a movement in which people stop turning a blind eye to this pernicious practice. As the proverb goes, “It takes a village to raise a child”— and to stop bullying as well. FM

Special Section

UNDERSTANDING BULLYING

Stand Your

d n u Gro

Learn the most effective ways to deal with your tormentors in both the real and the online world.

BY ANNA COSIO Have you ever been bullied? Or have you ever witnessed a bullying incident? Most likely, you answered â&#x20AC;&#x153;yesâ&#x20AC;? to either or both questions. You might even have been bullied already and not known it. These days, bullying incidents are sometimes even captured on camera and uploaded to social media, and they clue us in on the harsh reality that many students have to face in school every day. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Bullying has become rampant with the rise of social media, as people can now hide behind anonymous profiles. Bullying happens every day and takes different forms. It can happen to anyone—children, teenagers, college students, adults. It can happen anywhere—in school, outside of school, in the workplace, even at home. Bullying has become easier and more rampant nowadays with the rise of social media, as people can now hide behind anonymous proﬁles and escape all accountability. From just being bullied in person, now people can also be bullied online, and thus, still feel unease even when physically away from their tormentors. Bullying includes acts of aggressive and unwanted behavior, such as name-calling, hitting, harassing, threatening, spreading rumors, and manipulating or pressuring someone to do something.

orderly operation of a school; such as, but not limited to, the following:

WHAT THE LAW SAYS

d. Cyber-bullying or any bullying done through the use of technology or any electronic means.

The Philippines implemented the Anti-Bullying Act in 2013, requiring all primary and secondary schools to adopt policies to address bullying. The Anti-Bullying Act deﬁnes bullying as follows: SEC. 2. Acts of Bullying Any severe or repeated use by one or more students of a written, verbal or electronic expression, or a physical act or gesture, or any combination thereof, directed at another student that has the effect of actually causing or placing the latter in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm or damage to his property; creating a hostile environment at school for the other student; infringing on the rights of the other student at school; or materially and substantially disrupting the education process or the

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

a. Any unwanted physical contact between the bully and the victim like punching, pushing, shoving, kicking, slapping, tickling, headlocks, inﬂicting school pranks, teasing, fighting and the use of available objects as weapons; b. Any act that causes damage to a victim’s psyche and/or emotional well-being; c. Any slanderous statement or accusation that causes the victim undue emotional distress like directing foul language or profanity at the target, name-calling, tormenting and commenting negatively on victim’s looks, clothes and body; and

The law, however, does not go into speciﬁcs about cyberbullying. So to give you a clearer idea of what may constitute cyberbullying, here are some examples: someone posts pictures of you online to humiliate or hurt you, pretends to be you online, spreads lies or rumors about you online, sends you threatening messages, dupes you into revealing personal information, or rallies other people to attack you online.

FACING UP TO AGGRESSORS

So how do you deal with bullies in person and online? Here are some things you can do: Be the bigger person, but do not be the bigger bully. Sadly, in many cases, those who have been victimized by bullies eventually become bullies themselves. Find inspiration in Taylor Swift’s song “Mean,” which speaks of bullies and how to deal with them. Part of the song goes, “I bet you got pushed around. Somebody made you cold. But the cycle ends right now, ‘cause you can’t lead me down that road.” Remember that bullies are insecure and immature, so do not sink to their level. Show them that you are a mature person who has no time for their childish antics. Make them feel that such thuggish behavior is beneath your dignity. You can do this by ignoring the bullies, acting cool, and walking away from them.

Special Section

UNDERSTANDING BULLYING

Report bullies to school authorities. You might feel that this would cause the bully to retaliate and make the situation worse, but in reality, bullies need to be dealt with seriously by people who have the power to hold them accountable for their bad behavior. Since bullying is often a sustained attack rather than a single incident, you should also be relentless in reporting each bullying incident until it stops. This is not a sign of weakness, as the bullies would have you believe, but a smart move that should yield positive results (i.e., stop the bullying behavior or subject the bully to appropriate disciplinary action).

Identify the bullies and save evidence. It will be easier for school authorities to take action on your complaint if you are able to name the bullies and present evidence of the bullying incidents. In the case of cyberbullying, you can take screenshots of private messages or public comments, or bookmark the links to the web pages where the cyberbullying occurred.

Block the cyberbullies. After you have taken screenshots for evidence, take advantage of the block feature of various social media platforms, like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to prevent further contact with your attackers. Blocking will prevent them from sending you messages and seeing your online activity. They may create new accounts just for the purpose of cyberbullying you, but be resilient. Keep taking screenshots of their abusive messages before blocking them. It takes more effort to create a new social media account than to block one, anyway. Another option is to report abuse. Some social media platforms do take action on accounts that are proven to have engaged in abusive behavior.

Remember that bullies are insecure and immature, so do not sink to their level.

You want to make decisions based on your personal values, and not because you were pressured into making them.

Know yourself and build a strong positive selfimage. When you know who you are and you are aware of your God-given dignity, it will be easier for you to deďŹ&#x201A;ect insulting words from bullies. Bullies deal with their low self-esteem by trying to make others feel bad about themselves. What they say is rarely based on what is true, so do not let their negative words reach your core. Know your strengths and weaknesses, set goals, and focus on achieving them. It is also important to reďŹ&#x201A;ect on what is important to you, on what your values are, and who you want to be. This will surely come in handy later as you make decisions in life. You want to be making those decisions based on your personal values and preferences, and not because you were pressured or bullied into making them. Bullying has been a persistent issue over the years, but we can help prevent it by promoting a deeper understanding of the psychology behind the behavior, adopting policies to address it, and offering support to victims. Together, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s strive to put an end to bullying. FM

JJune-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Strategies to get

Deliver the goods without the stress or burnout. By Erica Cortez-Araullo

s ' A

Straight

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Studies show that academic stress is one of the top causes of depression among students. This is because most students feel pressured to excel in school to please their parents and to keep up with the top performers in class. Many also believe that an impressive academic record is a requisite for landing a high-paying job and becoming self-suﬃcient as an adult.

While aiming for high grades is a noble endeavor, how exactly can you maintain a strong academic standing in a healthy way, without succumbing to stress and burnout? The good news is that it is possible to strike a balance between your studies and everything else in life. If you find yourself obsessing about your grades to the point of toxicity, here are some ways you can study wisely and more effectively.

PLAN AND ORGANIZE. Educator Marge Gabriel has always encouraged her students to keep a planner. “This is where they can write down all assignments and projects, complete with each deliverable’s due date, as well as note important reminders and school activities,” she says. According to her, keeping a planner helps keep students organized. “They can manage their time more effectively so that all their tasks can be finished on time,” Gabriel explains.

YOUTH TALK | LEARNING The teacher shares that handwritten reminders in organizers and table calendars have always worked for her. “There is something about listing down tasks by hand and crossing out each item throughout the day,” she says. She says some of her students also decorate their planners, investing in calligraphy pens and cute stickers just to make them more fun to use and look at. In today’s highly digital age, the long-time teacher said handy calendar apps that can be downloaded on mobile phones are also just as useful. “They even come with notifications to inform users of upcoming deadlines,” she says. “These work because kids nowadays are always on their mobile phones, so might as well help them use the device for something good.”

DON’T PROCRASTINATE. Delaying doing an assignment or a project is a surefire way to worry about it in the future. Before long, your to-do list piles up and you end up rushing, stressing, and compromising the quality of

your work. “For example, some students tend to think that a due date is still far off, so they hold off working on a project,” Gabriel says. “Then they remember it when it’s too close to the deadline, so they end up rushing and stressing.” Instead of putting off schoolwork, strive to finish it as early as possible. “Getting an assignment or project over and done with means you do not have to worry about it anymore, and you will have plenty of time to do other things,” the teacher points out.

STAY FOCUSED. During study time, don’t allow any kinds of distractions around you, like loud music blaring or the TV open to some interesting show. Also, avoid snacking excessively when you aren’t even hungry. “Focusing on your work will also help you not stress over other things,” Gabriel says. “When you focus on just one task at a time, you’ll finish it much faster and you will be free to lounge around to do whatever you want.”

JOIN A STUDY GROUP. Do schoolwork with friends who know how to goof around but who also know when it’s time to get serious. “Having a good study group makes schoolwork less stressful, plus it means you’d have extra help in case you don’t understand a certain lesson,” Gabriel says.

Handy calendar apps that can be downloaded on mobile phones are also just as useful. Try to have a regular group study schedule, then ask your parents’ permission to take turns hosting such sessions in your respective homes. “Some of our older students also opt to hang out in cafés or tea places near our school, since they can easily grab snacks, plus there’s Wi-Fi,” Gabriel shares. “It is like a productive hangout time,” she adds.

STAY POSITIVE AND MOTIVATED. Students need to understand that excellent grades come to those who manage to stay inspired and driven amid the many challenges of studying. “Good grades require hard work—it goes beyond just submitting assignments and showing up for school and requires the commitment to do well,” Gabriel explains. However, she also reminds students that academic excellence is not the be-all and end-all of everything. “If you know that you are sincerely trying your best, then avoid being too hard on yourself,” she says. High grades are great, but they are not an excuse to take other things in life for granted, such as your family and your health.

RELAX AFTER SCHOOL. Spreading yourself too thin out of an obsession for academic excellence can only lead to high levels of stress and anxiety. Avoid overworking by keeping weekends schoolwork-free. “This gives you a time to relax and take a break, so as to avoid burnout,” Gabriel shares. After a group study session, for instance, you can play a video game, eat out, watch a movie, or go to a spa with your friends. Those who prefer to relax alone can also catch up on sleep. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

“

“Some recharge right after studying, while some hold it off until after exams or submitting a project,” the instructor says. “Whichever works for you, it helps to reward yourself after working hard.”

Having a good study group makes schoolwork less stressful, plus it means you’d have extra help in case you don’t understand a certain lesson.

LIVE AN OVERALL BALANCED AND HEALTHY LIFE. It is almost impossible to do well in school if you neglect your body. Those who over-study become prone to sickness, eventually end up missing classes, which inevitably affects their grades. “As cliché as it may sound, the saying ‘health is wealth’ is very true, especially for students who tend to push themselves to the limit by missing meals and staying up too late,” Gabriel states. Those who take up vices such as smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol are also not doing themselves any favor. “I completely understand the need to go out and have fun, but it should not reach a point that your health is already suffering,” the teacher advises. “That’s why it is best to avoid these substances altogether, as it will surely have negative effects on your body and compromise your ability to do well in school.” She suggests eating a balanced diet and taking vitamins. “Having enough sleep and trying to exercise when your schedule permits are also very important,” she says. Remember that too much tension and anxiety should not be a regular part of your academic life. Maintaining a healthy balance is key. Aim for good grades, but take time out, too, for some well-deserved chill time so you’ll return to class refreshed, and ready once more to give it your best. FM

”

“

The saying ‘health is wealth’ is very true, especially for students who tend to push themselves to the limit by missing meals and staying up too late.

”

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

Warning Signs of

Stress

A little bit of adversity isn’t bad, but serious stress can have a long-term impact on your mental and physical health. Here are some indications you may be under intense pressure in school and may need to seek help from your parents or guidance counselor.          

Frequent headaches Stomachaches, vomiting Frequent colds Fatigue Excessive sweating Constipation, diarrhea Irritability, moodiness Distractibility, daydreaming Eating or sleeping disorders Nightmares

 Nail biting, hair twirling

YOUTH TALK | EDUCATING

Reporting for

Duty By Aileen Carreon

As the school gates open once again, let’s take a moment to recollect what our duties and responsibilities are as students.

Every child has the right to get an education, but coupled with this right are one’s duties and responsibilities as a student. As another school year rolls in, make sure to fulfill your obligations as one. To begin with, know exactly what’s expected of you.

COMMITMENTS AND OBLIGATIONS

There are five key “Duties and Responsibilities of Students” as cited in Batas Pambansa 232, also known as “An Act Providing for the Establishment and Maintenance of an Integrated System of Education.”

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Under this law, every student shall do the following:

Exert his utmost to develop his potentialities for service, particularly by undergoing an education suited to his abilities, in order that he may become an asset to his family and to society.

Studying well helps you learn more and get the most out of your education. Maxine I. Valmeo, a Grade 10 student at St. Scholastica’s Academy of Marikina, recognizes this. “I have to study hard in order for me to attain my goals and dreams,” she says. “Students are expected to attend school regularly and apply themselves to courses of their interest to be able to develop their utmost potential that they can make use of in the future, thus making them an asset to their family and society,” explains Elaine Evangelista-Pangilinan, guidance teacher at San Bartolome High School in Quezon City.

Uphold the academic integrity of the school, endeavor to achieve academic excellence and abide by the rules and regulations governing his academic responsibilities and moral integrity.

How much you’ve learned is evaluated and assessed based on the quality of your assignment, research papers, and other requirements. It is therefore imperative that you uphold honesty and academic integrity so that your grades reflect your efforts to learn and your understanding of the subjects discussed. Work faithfully to achieve academic excellence and earn good grades without resorting to dishonest acts like cheating or plagiarism. “Students are expected to be productive and competent in their academic performance and promote positive disciplinarian behavior in abiding by the school’s rules and regulation,” adds Teacher Pangilinan.

“

Be well-mannered and disciplined in everything you do. Be a good role model to others. 40

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

”

Promote and maintain the peace and tranquility of the school by observing the rules and discipline, and by exerting efforts to attain harmonious relationships with fellow students, the teaching and academic staff and other school personnel.

Teacher Pangilinan advises her students to exemplify good behavior in dealing with teachers, classmates, school staff, and other school personnel through good values and right conduct. “Learners have the duty to uphold basic principles and ideals that the school stands for and adheres to,” she says. Kristelvina Joy Q. Molina, a Grade 8 student at Olive Grove School, Quezon City, is aware that she must show respect and maintain good relations with everyone in school. “I have to listen to my teachers to learn and achieve good grades. I also have to cooperate with my classmates for group projects. I must be a good example to my classmates as well as other schoolmates to influence them to do good. Respect must be accorded not just to teachers and classmates, but also to other school workers including janitors, guards and canteen servers,” she says.

Participate actively in civic affairs and in the promotion of the general welfare, particularly in the social, economic and cultural development of his community and in the attainment of a just, compassionate and orderly society.

Your responsibilities as a student extend outside the campus. This is in line with the constitutional provision on the vital role of the youth in nation-building. You are encouraged to balance academic excellence with social responsibility. “Each student is expected to be a well-rounded individual and a compassionate citizen in fulfilling his responsibilities to serve others by actively participating in civic affairs that will promote social, economic and cultural development of his community and country,” says Teacher Pangilinan. Take a stand on issues you are passionate about and let your voice be heard. Make a difference by engaging in volunteer work. You can lend your time, talent, and knowledge to uplift the lives of the less privileged by participating in feeding programs or educational activities. You can also assist proenvironment efforts by planting trees or volunteering to sort out and segregate collected plastic wastes, for example. Bruce Ng, a Grade 9 student at Xavier School, says that “my responsibilities as a student are not just to study to the best of my ability and get good grades but also to use my skills and thinking to help others.”

Exercise his rights responsibly in the knowledge that he is answerable for any infringement or violation of the public welfare and of the rights of others.

According to Teacher Pangilinan, “Students are expected to have a sense of moral responsibility towards oneself in executing his rights and should be aware that he will be answerable for any violations committed towards public welfare and the rights of others.” As students, you are beholden to the same laws governing the acts of all citizens of this country. Enjoy your rights but never to the detriment of other members of society. “Never take your responsibilities for granted,” reminds Teacher Pangilinan. “Fulfilling your duties will serve as a ‘guiding hand’ for you to become a responsible person for your own good as well as the benefit of others.” She adds that a bright and successful future awaits responsible students as they learn to make the right choices and decisions. “Set a good example by being independent and living a life of learning as you grow to be an efficient citizen of your community and country,” she continues.

DESIRED TRAITS

In performing your duties and obligations as a student, Teacher Pangilinan encourages you to develop the characteristics of a responsible student. “Be God-loving. Learners develop their minds and nurture their hearts to be academically excellent, spiritually exuberant, morally upright, and socially productive by exercising a genuine Christ-centered living.” “Be committed in striving to enrich knowledge with virtue and life with faith. Give service to others by sharing your learnings, skills, time, and effort for the good and success of your community and country.” “Be well-mannered and disciplined in everything you do. Be a good role model to others.” “Be proficient and confident. A student must possess a sense of moral responsibility in learning and working proficiently to produce good achievements that will lead him or her to be confident and globally competitive.” Being a student is one of your major roles early in life. Perform your part the best way you know how—you’re not just doing it for yourself, but more so for your community and your country. FM

As students, you are beholden to the same laws governing the acts of all citizens of this country. Enjoy your rights but never to the detriment of other members of society. June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

The

Talented

Nash Aguas

He’s an actor, investor, entrepreneur, and budding director— and he hasn’t even turned 20 yet.

By Maridol Ranoa-Bismark

Nash Aguas has always been someone in a hurry.

At 5, when most boys his age were playing with marbles and playing tag, he made his TV debut on the noontime variety show MTB, where he joined the program’s “Batang F4” contest. The year after, he won the Grand Kid Questor award in ABS-CBN’s Star Circle Quest talent search, and went on to become a mainstay, together with other child stars, of the popular Sunday comedy gag show Goin’ Bulilit. But child stars grow up, and Nash today is no longer the boy with the puppy-dog eyes viewers at home have grown accustomed to. At 19, the young man has his own love team with singer-dancer-actress Alexa Ilacad, who is a year younger than him. (Ed’s note: In April, Nash announced the end of their love team, saying he wants to focus on directing while Ilacad hopes to pursue a music career.) The love team, also known as NLex, had been featured on the sitcom Luv U, the drama series Doble Kara, the primetime drama Bagito, and the recently concluded teleserye The Good Son. In The Good Son, Nash proved that he was all grown up as he played a disturbed son whose mother was worried sick about him. With Nash and Alexa were other young love teams like McCoy de Leon and Elisse Joson (McLisse). The presence of other young stars exposed Nash to many comparisons, including popularity.

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

YOUTH TALK | STARRING Nash is unfazed, however. What he does is recall what seasoned actor Ariel Rivera told him: Longevity is more important than your current status in the business. So Nash chooses his roles with care. He doesn’t aim to be a star, but an actor who has what it takes to last in the business that has become his first source of livelihood. Thanks to his showbiz earnings, Nash can provide well for his family. The good son turned down his U.S.-based dad’s offer to support the family, and volunteered to take on the role of family breadwinner. “My paternal grandfather has died, so my dad supports his mom and siblings,” explains Nash. His dad refused his eldest son’s offer at first. But Nash insisted, knowing that his father was not getting any younger and would need all of his earnings to sustain him through the coming years. True to his word, Nash supports his mom (he has asked her stop working) and younger sibling, not only through his earnings as an actor, but also through his income as an entrepreneur with a fast-food business.

He turned down his U.S.-based dad’s offer to support the family, volunteering to take on the role of family breadwinner. Nash teamed up with two friends (one of them, Nash’s fellow Goin’ Bulilit alum Carl Barrameda) and put up the Muramen fast-food house along the busy University Belt area. As the name implies, the diner offers Japanese food at a price students can afford (hence, the word “Mura”). He’s also happy to report that what started out as a humble eatery has grown to include two more branches— another one in the University Belt and the third on J.P. Rizal Street in Makati. The business has exceeded expectations. “At first, we were expecting to sell only three bowls a day,” recalls Nash. “To our surprise, sales shot up to 500 bowls a day! We panicked because our seating capacity was limited to 50 persons.” As a result, Nash and company were able to get their return on investment in less than a year.

He doesn’t aim to be a star, but an actor who has what it takes to last in the business.

Knowing he shouldn’t put all his eggs in one basket, he has also invested in real estate. He followed the advice of Love Me Again co-actor Ronnie Lazaro, who taught the then nineyear-old actor how to grow his hard-earned money. Real estate, Ronnie told Nash, is a good investment because unlike cars, its value appreciates. Thus, part of Nash’s showbiz earnings has gone into buying two lots measuring 400 square meters each, and a 20-hectare lot in San Jose del Monte, Bulacan, where the young actor plans to construct a building. He hasn’t neglected his studies either, as he knows education is a hedge during tough times. So he’s taking up Film at a college in Taguig, while directing ABS-CBN’s digital sitcom Coﬀee Break at the same time. He doesn’t mind shuttling from his classroom in the south to the TV studio in the north—he’s just making hay while the sun shines, after all. No wonder blessings continue to come the way of this talented and hardworking young man. FM June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

Law and

Order By Excel V. Dyquiangco

Working for a law firm may seem cut and dried on the outside, but you might have a change of attitude after meeting this legal administrative assistant.

Glaiza Olase originally hoped to get into medical school but the high cost of studying medicine forced her to look for a more affordable alternative. Being weak in Math, Glaiza chose a course that has less to do with numbers, taking up Mass Communication and graduating with a major in Journalism. After university, she worked first as a freelance editorial assistant at a publishing company run by a university in Manila. “I decided to take it because besides being able to earn my own money at a young age, I thought it would be a good training ground given that I was a fresh graduate,” says Glaiza. “I realized I had to acquire much needed experience because the things taught in school were mostly theoretical and the chance of putting those theories into practice was limited.”

FamilyMatters | June-August 2018

She adds that it was a good decision “because I was able to utilize the things I learned as a student and as a section editor and eventually editor-in-chief of the campus paper during my four-year stay in the university.” Aside from working for this publishing company, she also took other gigs, including as a part-time ESL (English as Second Language) teacher. “I worked these two stints four and a half years,” she says. “It was okay since I worked at my own pace and time, but I came to realize that I was also craving for a change in environment and, just like most, I wanted the financial stability and security that working full time gives. So I finally decided to seek full-time employment.”

ENTERING THE LEGAL WORLD

Full-time work came with an offer to be a legal administrative assistant at an Australian law firm. She chanced upon this available position in another

division within the same company, just as her previous employment ended. “They thought I was a suitable candidate for the job,” she says of her then future employer. “I also did not want to waste time being unemployed so I decided to go through the necessary process of exams and interviews despite initial misgivings about my qualifications. I did not go to law school and did not have the background—much more about the existing laws of another country. I just relied on what I could do now and what I could possibly develop eventually which helped me get the job.” As a legal administrative assistant, her work is a mix of several tasks. According to Glaiza, no two days are the same because she has to deal with a variety of assignments, such as scheduling appointments, responding to telephone and email inquiries from clients, doing research, drafting court documents and correspondence under the supervision of Australian lawyers, and preparing tax invoices. She even

YOUTH TALK | CHOOSING oversees the firm’s social media account and content written for the website. She explains her responsibilities further: “Given that I have foreign clients to deal with and the fact that I work remotely, part of the challenge involves understanding their concerns, as well as understanding their culture and their form of communication.” She credits her supervisor for training her well. “I am able to deal with all of these issues because my boss is very hands-on in guiding us and making sure that even if we are working remotely and despite some differences in the culture, it’s not an obstacle that we can’t overcome.” As for how she finds fulfilment from her work, she says she enjoys the new learnings and insights that continually enrich her mind. “While a career in the field of jurisprudence was the last thing I expected myself to be in, and despite the perception of other people that my career is stressful, it is in this job

that I’ve found the kind of work-life balance I’ve always wanted,” she says. “I work during weekdays, and I have weekends off to devote to my family or to meaningful causes like volunteering.” Glaiza says she also belongs to a group of employee volunteers in her company’s corporate social responsibility arm. “It’s taught me that being a full-time employee is not always about gaining profit and earning money but also about devoting part of my time to give back to the community.”

EMBRACE THOSE CHALLENGES

Describing herself as already a meticulous person to begin with, Glaiza says legal work has made her even more efficient and resourceful, as she has to meet stringent targets and deliver specific results. To those who want to go into the same profession, Glaiza has this advice: “Learn to embrace challenges because they can teach you valuable lessons.

Invest in enhancing your credentials and expanding your knowledge.” She shares that she passed the Civil Service Professional Examination in 2016 and “should my schedule eventually allow, I hope to eventually pursue my long overdue plan of joining the paralegal training program offered in UP Diliman.” She also lives by the advice of English business magnate Sir Richard Branson, whom she quotes here: “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes—then learn how to do it later.” Glaiza says, “Somehow, this advice works for me, especially when sometimes my inner voice tells me that I might not be able to do it. These words push me to prove otherwise, and then I find that I can indeed overcome obstacles and exceed my own expectations.” FM

IN PROFILE Q: What is a legal administrative assistant?

A: Legal administrative assistants are a lawyer’s right hand. They are required to perform not just standard tasks like answering telephone calls and greeting clients, but also duties like completing legal tasks delegated to them by lawyers and paralegals, such as preparing legal documents. Q: What does a legal administrative assistant do?

A: Some of the job responsibilities are the following:  Develop cases by interviewing prospective clients, and review information with lawyers  Help clients in payment claims and keep them informed of case progress

 Enhance lawyers’ effectiveness by monitoring case progress; alert the lawyer of issues requiring attention  Maintain contact with providers, adjusters, and opposing counsel  Contribute information to the team case review

 Conclude cases by verifying outstanding balances and prepare settlement documentation  Complete special projects

Q: What are the skills and qualifications required of the job? A: Legal administration skills, client relationship skills, administrative writing skills, word processing and computer skills, research and organizational skills, information analysis,

verbal communication skills, job knowledge, integrity, client confidentiality Q: What are the educational requirements?

A: Legal administrative assistants usually start with an associate’s degree in paralegal studies, or a bachelor’s degree in another field and a paralegal studies certificate. In some cases, lawyers might hire college graduates without this certificate and train them on the job. Q: Does the job have good prospects?

According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, as law firms try to increase the efficiency of legal services and reduce their costs, they are expected to hire more paralegals and legal administrative assistants to take on a “hybrid” role within the firm, performing not only traditional paralegal duties but also some of the tasks previously assigned to legal secretaries or other legal support workers. Law firms also are attempting to reduce billing costs as clients push for less expensive legal services. Due to these firms’ lower billing rates, legal administrative assistants, along with paralegals, can be a less costly alternative to entry-level lawyers. This should cause an increase in demand for legal assistants. Moreover, many large corporations are increasing their in-house legal departments to cut costs. This will lead to an increase in the demand for legal workers in a variety of settings, such as finance and insurance firms, consulting firms, and healthcare providers.

- RCA

June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

THE The writer reflects on how God always answers her prayer requests if they are according to His will. 46

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TThe he Power ower of

PPrayer rayer By Erlinda Esguerra

When asked to write an article on prayer, I immediately said “yes.” There is so much reference material on prayer that I thought it would be a breeze. However, as I started to write, I found myself struggling. For when I meditated on prayer, I realized it is like a personal, private communication with your best friend—hard to break down and describe. Nonetheless, I welcomed the opportunity to share what the Lord has taught me about prayer. And my focus will be on Powerful Prayer—prayer that gets results. I firmly believe that not everything that happens to a person is the will of God. He does not allow sickness and disease, accidents, catastrophes, and so on just so He can test the faith of His children. His heart is full of love and mercy. He gave His only Son so that our sins could be paid for and heaven opened to us again. What father would intentionally allow his little son to be struck by an automobile to teach him a lesson, or to make him closer to his father? Jesus said, “If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Heavenly Father give good things to those who ask Him?” Matthew 7:11 Yes, we still continue to experience all these negative things because we are in a fallen world, where the flesh and the devil try to flaunt their presence with impunity.

PARENTS’ CORNER | BELIEVING But rest assured that God has made provision for us. We have not been left to fend for ourselves. He has given us lifelines, or shall I say weapons. One of the most powerful of these weapons is prayer. I am now in my 60s, have been through a lot of ups and downs in life, but at this point, the Lord has simplified everything for me and made me focus on this verse:

“Have faith in God. Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11: 22-24 I shall now share three steps for putting this verse into practice.

SPEAK TO THE PROBLEM

The Lord told His disciples that they could speak to the mountain and it shall throw itself into the sea. So when we need help from the Lord, He is throwing it back to us. “As my follower, I give you authority to order this thing to be removed. Tell it what you want it to do.” I live in Houston, Texas and on August 25, 2017, we were hit by a devastating hurricane named Harvey. The fury of this storm was touted to happen only once every 100 years. And when it came, it did not disappoint. My husband and I were blessed to have our home in an area that would not be directly hit. But my daughter Cristina, her husband, and two little babies were in a district that was along the hurricane’s path. So, from the start I kept saying, “Harvey, get out of Houston. You cannot harm me or my family. Go to the ocean and disappear.” On the first day the rains came but stopped; we were spared. But on the third day, it came back with a vengeance. The TV weatherman kept saying that the waters in the dam were rising at an alarming rate, and that evacuation orders would be issued for districts that were in danger. By this time I was so tired of fighting and shouting at Harvey, but when your family’s life is in danger you just have to keep on fighting. I kept monitoring Cristina’s situation. With all the strength I could muster, I prayed and shouted, “Harvey, stop now! At this very moment. Let the waters not reach Cristina’s house. In the name of Jesus.” Miraculously, in the following days, the waters started to stabilize and no evacuation orders were ever given to Cristina’s area. The waters stopped five streets away from their place and a week after, when we went there, their place was so dry as if nothing had happened.

Faith is belief that the thing hoped for is on its way. WHATEVER YOU ASK FOR, BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED IT This second part of the verse says that once you have asked for something in prayer, you have received it at the very time you prayed. But you have to remove any doubt in your mind. Mark said that one who keeps doubting will never receive from the Lord. Don’t tell yourself it didn’t work because the problem appears to be still there. Just settle in your mind that it is the Lord who said these words, these promises, and that He does not lie. Our senses can lie, but His word is a sure foundation. That is where faith comes in. Faith is belief that the thing hoped for is on its way. It is the evidence of things unseen. It is always a challenge to believe that what you prayed for is already a fact, a done deal. Faith is the same for both big and small requests. Asking for healing from drug addiction is the same to the Lord as asking to find a misplaced precious item, if we believe in Him. When my granddaughter Emily was born, she was such a cute little girl, but every time she had a checkup at the doctor’s office, she always measured in the 30th percentile in length or height. This meant she was shorter than average and that 70% of the population was taller than her. On her third year we started to get concerned. She was the smallest in her nursery class. So I made another prayer request to the Lord, saying, “Lord, you said whatever we ask in prayer, we shall receive, if we believe. So today, January 5, 2015, at 10 a.m., I ask you to let Emily grow to normal height June-August 2018 | FamilyMatters

We continue to experience all these negative things because we are in a fallen world, where the flesh and the devil try to flaunt their presence with impunity. as befits her age, and thank you because I have no doubt that you have answered it this very minute.” I took note of the date and time I prayed because the Lord said the answer is given the very moment you pray. If I kept on repeating this prayer every week, it would show that I never believed that it was answered the very first time I prayed. So I just said, “Thank you, Lord, for the answer to my prayer.” Soon after, my husband and I had a three-month vacation in the Philippines. We were so busy that Emily’s height was the last thing on my mind. Upon returning home to Houston, the first news that greeted us was, “Ma, tumangkad na si Emily. Almost two inches,” Cristina said, showing me the pencil mark on the door. I could only say, “Thank you, Lord.” I had forgotten about my request but the Lord had not. Emily is now on her way to becoming a long-legged charmer.

PRAY AND ASK ACCORDING TO THE WILL OF GOD It is very easy to misuse the term “whatever you ask for will be given to you.” Whatever does not mean asking for millions just to spend on your lusts, or asking for a mansion just to be 48

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the envy of your neighbors, or asking to be close to a married person. 1 John 5:14 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask according to His will, He hears us.” So the best way to get God’s ear is to ask according to His will. But the problem, we might ask, is “How do we know His will?” His will is in His word, the Holy Scripture. Our familiarity with the Bible determines our familiarity with the will of God. Here we will find that:  It is always His will to heal the sick. Matthew 15:30 says: “A vast crowd of people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn’t speak, and many others. They laid them before Jesus, and He healed them all.” No exceptions.  It is His will that all men be saved and get to know what His Son did for us.  It is His will that we do unto others what we want others to do for us, to treat everyone with mercy and compassion.  It is His will that we live life to the fullest, that there will be enough to share with others, most especially on the spiritual side.  It is His will that we live upright and holy lives, seeking His kingdom and His righteousness. There are so many more gems to be discovered in His word that will enable us to live life to the fullest, and experience the generosity of God, who can never be outdone in giving.

“Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20 FM

His will is in His word, the Holy Scripture.