JANUARY 15, 2014, CHELSEA NOW by Schneps Media

VOLUME 6, NUMBER 8 JANUARY 15, 2014

THE WEST SIDE’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER SERVING CHELSEA, HUDSON YARDS & HELL'S KITCHEN

Johnson Taps Ex-Gottfried Aide as his Chief of Staff BY LINCOLN ANDERSON In a surprising turn of events, two days after taking office as the new city councilman for the Third District, Corey Johnson named Jeffrey LeFrancois as his chief of staff. It had been widely thought that R.J. Jordan, his campaign manager, already had the job nailed down. LeFrancois was Assemblymember Dick Gottfried’s deputy chief of staff for five years, also serving as his community liaison and LGBT liaison. Political observers got

news of the appointment when, slightly after noon on January 3, Gottfried, who was among the elected officials whose endorsements Johnson touted in his primary contest with Yetta Kurland, tweeted out: “Congrats to @jlef423 Jeffrey LeFrancois, my former Deputy COS — Councilmember @CoreyinNYC’s new COS. Great news for all of us!” After his election in November as one of three

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CB4 Gets Grand View of Affordable Housing Project BY EILEEN STUKANE Innovation was on the table, at 2014’s first full board meeting of Community Board 4 (CB4). Each seated board member was clearly identified by a paper name plate (with chairs of committees noted), allowing everyone to know who was speaking. In this small way, the January 6 meeting (held at the Hotel Trades Council headquarters, on West 44th Street) already bore the mark of new chair Christine Berthet — whose aim is to make CB4 more

approachable to residents of the community. She would later name three new CB4 Task Forces, designated as Outreach, Openness and Best Practices For Chairs. The big news, however, was the presentation of a proposed new development project offering 210 affordable housing units — a highly unusual 39 percent of the project on West 52nd and 53rd Streets between 10th and 11th Avenues in Hell’s Kitchen.

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Image courtesy of Hudson Yards Development Corporation

A 2011 rendering depicts the 34th St. No. 7 subway canopy.

Hudson Yards BID Hopes to be Fully Operational by Mid-2014 BY SAM SPOKONY In one of his final acts as the city’s mayor, Michael Bloomberg on December 30 signed the Hudson Yards Business Improvement District (BID) into law. Now, those who have spent over a year planning and pushing for the BID — which covers more than 450 businesses between West 30th Street and West 42nd Street, and from Ninth Avenue to the east side of 11th Avenue — hope to have it fully operational in around six months. “Mid-2014 is certainly an aggressive timeline, but I’m confident in our group,” said Joshua Bernstein, a co-chair of the Hudson Yards BID Steering

Committee, and a West 37th Street resident. “People involved in this really want to make it work, and they want to see that our new park is properly cared for.” Bernstein was referring to the new Hudson Park & Boulevard — a four-acre, tree-lined swath of open space that will run from West 33rd Street to West 39th Street, between 10th and 11th Avenues, and which is currently under construction by the Hudson Yards Development Corporation. Phase One of the park’s construction — between 33rd and 37th Streets — is expected to be completed by the end of 2014, and will include two entrances to the new No. 7 subway extension.

In addition to providing typical advocacy and sanitation services to local businesses, one of the BID’s primary missions will be to maintain that park, which many believe will bring new, green life to an area that has played host to major development — including Hudson Yards itself — in recent years. The BID, which itself will be operated by a newly formed nonprofit organization called the Hudson Yards/Hell’s Kitchen Alliance, has a budget of $1.2 million for its first year of operation. Nearly $450,000 of that will be devoted to Hudson Park main-

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BY SAM SPOKONY After suffering major damage from Hurricane Sandy flooding, the West 23rd Street elevator that provides access to the High Line is expected to remain out of service until spring, according to city officials. Salt water that surged into the elevator’s mechanical systems caused damage that was extensive enough to require a complete rebuilding of its interior mechanisms. But the process of starting repairs has been delayed due to difficulties in allocating city funding, as well as questions over whether that money would be reimbursed through Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) funding, according to a spokesperson for the NYC Economic Development Corporation (EDC), which is overseeing the repairs. Now, the city has secured the necessary funds to complete the work, and EDC has hired a construction manager for the project, the spokesperson said. That construction manager is currently in the process of hiring a contractor to finally begin performing the

repairs. EDC did not disclose the amount of funding that has been allocated for the work, since all the construction contracts have not been finalized. The city agency also said that FEMA reimbursement for any money spent on the project has still not been secured, but added that the Friends of the High Line — which maintains the elevated park — will continue to pursue the reimbursement. Some area residents have complained that the elevator was shut down well before Sandy struck, claiming that that the Friends of the High Line have used the disaster to minimize its own inaction in terms of repairs. In response to questions about that, a High Line spokesperson on January 10 acknowledged that the elevator was intermittently out of service during a brief (and unspecified) period of time before the October 2012 hurricane. The spokesperson said the elevator system was functional during that time, but that it had some mechanical problems that needed periodic fixing by the Parks Department.

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After more than three years without a singular presence at the podium, Chelsea Opera is singing the praises of their new hire. On January 1, Samuel McCoy became the organization’s Music Director/Principal Conductor. Hailed by co-founders Leonarda Priore and Lynne Hayden-Findlay as “talented and energetic,” McCoy proved his worth several times over in 2013 — when he assistant conducted two world premieres and served as guest conductor for Seymour Barab's “La Pizza con Funghi.” McCoy makes his official debut in June, when he conducts Aaron Copland’s “The Tender Land.” For information on Chelsea Opera’s Tenth Anniversary season (and much-appreciated opportunities to help the worthy nonprofit), visit chelseaopera.org.

Photo by Danielle Barnum

Newly minted maestro Samuel McCoy’s first official turn at the podium happens in June, when he conducts Aaron Copland's “The Tender Land.”

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

In Johnson’s Council Office, Le Francois In, Jordan Out

Photo by Sam Spokony

Corey Johnson, far left, was sworn in on Dec. 27. A public inauguration ceremony will be held on Sun., Jan. 26, from 1-4pm at The Church of The Holy Apostles (Ninth Ave., at 28th St.). Those interested in attending must RSVP to nancy.district3@gmail.com.

Continued from page 1 new out gay councilmen — all of them running as progressive agents of change — Johnson publicly stated, at venues including a meeting of the Village Independent Democrats, that he intended to name Jordan his head staffer. That was clearly Jordan’s expectation, as well. He posted that news on Facebook and had recently been signing emails as “chief of staff.” In a telephone interview after news of LeFrancois’ appointment emerged, Johnson said he originally thought Jordan would fill the slot. “That was the plan,” he said. “[But] R.J. told me he wanted to pursue other opportunities. That’s the end of it. There’s nothing negative about this.” Jordan, the new councilman said, wanted to pursue an acting career, something for which he studied at NYU. Johnson had nothing but praise for Jordan, saying, “I wouldn’t have been elected without him, and I hold him in high regard,” he said. “I respect him and people in the community respect him. I consider R.J. to be the best campaign manager on a local level in the entire city.” In response to a request for comment, Jordan emailed a succinct statement: “I am proud of my work on Corey’s campaign for City Council. I have decided to go back to school and pursue other opportunities. I believe Corey will be an outstanding councilmember and I wish

him the best.” Johnson also offered effusive praise for the man who has taken the chief of staff post. “I’m thrilled about Jeffrey — he’s a rock star in the community.” Apart from running Johnson’s successful Democratic primary race — which was a bitter, hard fought contest — Jordan, who previously worked in catering, lacks political experience. LeFrancois, on the other hand, is a seasoned political aide, well known in the community for his work for Gottfried. As the chair of Community Board 4 in recent years, Johnson frequently worked with LeFrancois on community issues. Wendi Paster, Gottfried’s longtime chief of staff, had high praise for her former colleague LeFrancois. “He’ll be terrific for Corey,” she said, “because he knows the district and the community very well. He knows city government very well… Everyone who knows Jeffrey engages very well with him — he’s very smart, he’s personable.” Asked if Gottfried had lobbied for LeFrancois to be Johnson’s chief of staff, Paster responded, “That is absolutely untrue. I have no knowledge of why R.J. is pursuing other things, but I think he would have been an excellent chief of staff to Corey.” She then stressed, “Dick had absolutely no hand [in this], and would never interfere with an elected official hiring. There were no phone calls or conversations [about LeFrancois] between Corey and Dick, ever — ever.”

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

CB4 Balks at ‘Super’ Beerfest Cybert Tire and LeNoble Lumber, years ago had reached an agreement with the city to relocate away from their Hell’s Kitchen addresses and return after the area had undergone a renewal. Cybert Tire will have a new home in the Taconic/Ritterman building. Matt Dienstag, owner of LeNoble Lumber, citing the changed neighborhood as “not being appropriate for tractor trailers and forklifts anymore,” has partnered with a real estate team to lease his space to a supermarket. After consulting with community residents, it became clear that a reasonably priced supermarket (not a coop market, not a Whole Foods) was greatly desired. The entire project was warmly received by community residents in attendance. Later in the evening, CB4’s letter of recommendation to the CPC was approved by board members. Joe Restuccia, also a CB4 board member, excused himself from the vote.

Continued from page 1 A joint venture between Clinton Housing Development Company (CHDC) with Taconic Investment Partners and Ritterman Capital is combining new construction and renovation for three buildings: a 14-story building with 80 percent market rate rentals (324 units) and 20 percent (81 units) at affordable housing rates as well as a 12-story building with 100 percent (103 units) at affordable housing rates — and then, a renovated five-story building (called Captain Post) with 100 percent (22 units) at affordable rates. This proposal, the culmination of nearly 40 years of work in the Clinton Urban Renewal Area (CURA), also represents about three years of work with Taconic/Ritterman to build hundreds of affordable housing units on this site, said Joe Restuccia, CHDC’s executive director. The pet-friendly project also includes three community gardens, a rooftop open space and a children’s play area. Taconic/Ritterman’s new building on West 52nd Street will have a graduated-step-like design to prevent shadowing on the existing DeWitt Clinton Park. Construction is targeted to begin in the second quarter of 2014 and continue for 18 months. But before anything happens, the project must go through the City Planning

Photo by Eileen Stukane

This proposed development project has Clinton Housing Development Company partnering with Taconic/Ritterman, for a trio of buildings — two of which have 100% affordable housing.

Commission’s (CPC) Uniform Land Use Review Procedure (ULURP) for approval. The developers are requesting a number of zoning changes. However, CB4 is in full support.

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What especially appeals to CB4 is the affordability of the rental apartments. Restuccia reported that the affordable rate apartments will serve a single person making a yearly income from $24,000 to $99,000, up to a family of four earning from $34,000 to $141,000. Rents will range from $581 to $2,000 for a studio, $622 to $2,500 for a two-bedroom and $863 to $3,560 for a three-bedroom. The project is also subsidizing the renovation of a 464 West 25th Street at 10th Avenue, a four-story building to be converted into five stories. Designed to serve working people earning about $50,000 a year, the building will have four two-bedroom, full-floor apartments with an elevator opening into each residence. “We are serving the largest range in our community ever done to date, and we’re very happy to do this,” said Restuccia, “It means that people will not be knocked out of the box for making too few dollars or slightly over.” Under the CURA plan, two businesses,

BRACING FOR CRUISE SHIP SUPER BOWL BASH

Explaining that he had heard from the local police precinct, CB4 board member and representative of the West 47/48th Street Block Association, Jean-Daniel Noland announced the scheduled arrival of the Bud Light Hotel cruise ship on Super Bowl weekend. The 4,028 capacity Norwegian Getaway cruise ship has been renamed the Bud Light Hotel for Super Bowl weekend, from January 30 to February 2. The floating beerfest will be docked at Pier 88, at West 48th Street and 12th Avenue, for four nights of parties and concerts, which will also take place in the parking lot opposite the Intrepid Sea, Air, & Space Museum. Sponsors hosting individual evening events include EA Sports, Pandora and Pepsi Tailgate. Among the live groups performing are The Roots with Run DMC and Busta Rhymes, Imagine Dragons, Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy and Jake Owen. Berthet found it disturbing that CB4 had not been notified by the New York City Department of Economic Development, since the board, with the

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Gateway Project a Real Blast, for Next Six Months THE 500-FOOT LAW

Continued from page 4 help of Assemblymember Linda Rosenthal, recently had to work with the agency to require stipulations for the Pier of Fear, a Halloween event on Piers 92 and 94 (West 53rd to 54th Streets) that was scheduled for five days but reduced to three due to noise levels and quality of life issues experienced by local residents. After that negotiation, Rosenthal had asked that stipulations from the Pier of Fear negotiations remain in effect for future parties, and that some of the revenue from events be shared with the Hudson River Park Trust. It was unclear whether any reference to the Pier of Fear stipulations regarding noise and scheduling of events had been made for the Bud Light Hotel. Noland said that local residents were “concerned about the diversion of our fire people, our police officers, as well as the noise that will irritate people.” Rosenthal’s representative at the meeting acknowledged that the Assemblymember would be ready to get involved again, and Berthet crafted a letter regarding needed notification, sound, and size of the event, for the board to send to the Department of Transportation, the NYPD, and the Department of Economic Development.

Photo by Photo by William Alatriste/New York City Council

Javier Morgado (center), former Fire Commissioner Thomas Von Essen and Councilmember Corey Johnson (right) gather at City Hall to advocate for better emergency protocols in high-rise buildings.

BRACING FOR A BLASTING

In his district manager’s report, Bob Benfatto announced that he was informed by Related Companies that for the next six months, those living and working in the Hudson Yards development area should brace for the noise and vibration of four short

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blasts on weekdays, Monday to Friday, occurring at some point between 9am to 4pm. The explosions are excavating for the Gateway Project, two concrete tunnels that will allow increased train travel between New York’s Penn Station and Newark New Jersey. The blasts will be monitored by an on-site crew.

Speaking for a new group called The Neighborhood Task Force for Business Planning, under the auspices of the Hell’s Kitchen Neighborhood Association, Tom Cayler called for a need for diversity in the retail stores and services available in CB4. “As soon as a storefront becomes vacant, then we see a new application for a liquor license come in and we find that we are losing the great variety of services and retail businesses,” he said. The goal of the Task Force would be to create diversity by seeking enforcement of the State Liquor Authority’s 500-Foot Law, which states that an applicant for a liquor selling business cannot be considered if there are three other premises selling liquor within a 500-foot radius. Cayler referred to a new liquor license being applied for on West 46th Street and Ninth Avenue, and stated that there were nine liquor-serving establishments nearby, seemingly within 500 feet. This 500-foot law was also referred to in later discussions of CB4’s letters of recommendation or denial of SLA licenses for new applicants in the community. According to Paul Seres, co-chair of CB4’s Business License & Permits Committee, this law is difficult to enforce.

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Cookbook Lets You Take The Flavors of Chelsea Market Home BY HEATHER DUBIN Thanks to several cold snaps and one Polar Vortex (so far), this winter has provided many opportunities to stay inside and cook up a storm. And with over two months to go until the spring thaw, there’s still plenty of time to work your way through the “Chelsea Market Cookbook: 100 Recipes from New York’s Premier Indoor Food Hall.” To celebrate their 15th anniversary, Chelsea Market released the book this past October, which includes recipes from vendors and restaurants at the market and celebrity chefs. From cocktails to chili and hot desserts, the cookbook contains many straightforward recipes that even the least skilled of home chefs can master. Three professional chefs featured in the cookbook recently spoke with Chelsea Now, to share some insights about their recipes and ingredients. Over at Dickson’s Farmstand Meats, David Schuttenberg, executive chef, who has worked in many Manhattan restaurants (including Cabrito, Mexican cuisine), subscribes to a local view on food sourcing. “It’s 400 miles from farm to slaughter to shop. We’re hyperlocal in terms of beef and pork and lamb. It’s important, that’s what we do,” Schuttenberg said. They only work with small family farms, and have a few different farmers for their meats, including two separate pig farmers. While the farms are not large enough to afford to pay to be certified organic, their animal rearing and farming methods must meet a high standard to end up on the counter at Dickson’s Farmstand Meats. “We go visit the farms all the time. We’re acutely aware of the animal’s lives and the quality of life they had before they entered the shop,” Schuttenberg said, “That was one of the reasons I was happy to leave the restaurant world and come here.” Many of his recipes are traditional, and Schuttenberg’s Old-Fashioned Beef Stew fits the profile. The retail focused shop sells lots of skirt steak, ribeye and hamburger, so there are plenty of less popular cuts left for Schuttenberg to create with, like a beef roast called chuck eye, and the neck. He finds that the collagen in these cuts gives richness to a stew. Schuttenberg also explained that these sections of the cow are flavorful and tough cuts of meat, which require slow cooking and babying. “Some of my favorite cooking is fall/winter, braising and crock pots. I was classically French trained, it’s [the recipe] a nod to a bourguignon, but also a Yankee pot roast,” he said. Tips for success include taking the meat out when it is done cooking, straining the vegetables and skimming the fat off the top. Schuttenberg then adds in fresh vegetables he wants to eat that have not been cooked long, quartered potatoes and the meat. “And you’re ready for dinner,” he exclaimed. Mary Cleaver, owner and founder of The Cleaver Co., an event planning and catering company, and The Green Table, is

The Chelsea Market Cookbook collects recipes from the Market’s eclectic vendors and celebrity food personalities.

committed to creating healthy food, which is sourced from local family farms. In 1979, Cleaver established Cleaver Co. — and a decade ago, she expanded the practice of her food philosophy to a broader audience at The Green Table. “I decided it was important for people to be able to experience local, seasonal cuisine without having to make the financial commitment involved in a large event, so I opened The Green Table,” she said. Mostly organic and sustainable ingredients from small producers and local family farms are used to prepare the menu at The Green Table. These venues are within a day’s drive of Manhattan, and in accordance with Cleaver’s belief to support local farms. Additionally, she feels, “Serving seasonal, local food is tastier and healthier.” Her Stripped Bass En Papillote recipe follows this ideal, and has been in her repertoire for years. “It’s low on fat, high in flavor and is quick and easy for new cooks,” Cleaver said. “The paper will essentially steam the fish, and so there is less risk of overcooking it or drying out.” Cleaver recommends the fish entrée for a quick meal during the week, which is equally as appropriate for a more formal dinner party. Inspired by “cuisines of the world,” Cleaver is a proponent of seasonal and local ingredients. At Tuck Shop, Niall Grant, owner, is known for his meat pies. His Guinness Steak and Mushroom Pie recipe is a cultural collaboration between Grant, who is Irish, and his former business partner, an Australian. “It’s a traditional Irish pie in an Australian pastry,” he said, with Guinness Stout as the clear influence from his side. Grant gets his meat from Pat LaFrieda Meat Purveyors, which delivers it from Creekstone Farms in Arkansas City, Kansas. “It’s not local. It’s all natural, no antibiotics, and not quite the level of organic, but very close,” Grant said. In Australia, Grant claims the beef used for pies is more mass-produced, and a lower quality. “We’re using an extremely high quality beef, gourmet ingredient. They taste delicious because of that,” he said. The mushrooms used for the pie are from the Manhattan Fruit Exchange, which is located inside Chelsea Market. “I don’t know if it’s local, but I buy it locally — within 100 feet,” he joked. Grant also purchases cheese from Lucy’s Whey, in the market. “We do try to support each other’s businesses and give each other discounts,” he said. Currently, they are offering a special pie with blue cheese, a Stilton, which is more English, and derived from April Bloomfield, chef and owner of The Spotted Pig in the West Village, where Grant previously worked. In terms of making the pie, Grant thinks it is not as easy as buying one at Chelsea Market. “It’s a little bit laborious, but worth it in the end,” he said. Two people have told Grant they tried the recipe, but the outcome

Photo by Heather Dubin

Cut ups: The crew from Dickson’s Farmstand Meats.

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A truck driving west on W.15th St., bypassing the legal 14th St. route.

BY SAM SPOKONY A brief bump in police enforcement earlier this year hasn’t gotten the job done when it comes to stopping illegal truck traffic on West 15th Street, residents say. Now, residents are calling for a much more thorough effort to tackle the problem. “My understanding at this point, based on the way police have responded, is that enforcement against the trucks actually happens on only one or two days of the year,” said Stanley Bulbach, president of the West 15th Street 100 and 200 Block Association. “But the trucks aren’t being deterred, so I really think it needs more sustained enforcement.” This newspaper reported on October 9 that Chelsea’s 10th Precinct was directing its highway safety officers to “pay more attention” to the rogue truckers, who often use West 15th Street, between Sixth and Eighth Avenues, as a shortcut to bypass congestion on the legal route of 14th Street. That decision was prompted by complaints from block residents who were being woken up late at night by the rumbling trucks, and who were also worried about the overweight vehicles damaging a high-pressure gas main and an asbestoscovered steam pipe under the street. The 10th Precinct responded by ticketing 21 trucks for use of illegal routes in the month of October — throughout Chelsea, not just on West 15th Street — but, as Bulbach noted, that seems to have been the only real spike in enforcement for the entire year. Between the end of October and December 25, the precinct has written only six more illegal trucking tickets throughout all of Chelsea — with a total of 79 tickets for the whole year up to Christmas, according to police statistics. That’s an

average of less than seven tickets per month across the precinct’s approximately 25 miles of total roadway, which includes other frequently-used truck shortcuts like West 19th and West 22nd Streets. And the NYPD’s 13th Precinct — which borders the 10th Precinct at the corner of West 15th Street and Seventh Avenue, and thus splits coverage of the 100 and 200 blocks — wrote only 50 illegal truck tickets for the whole year, up to December 25, according to police. That’s an average of just over four tickets per month throughout that entire precinct, which also covers the Flatiron District, Kips Bay and Stuyvesant Town. When West 15th Street resident Janet Charleston heard those statistics, she expressed the same frustrations felt by Bulbach and many other neighbors over the past year. “The problem is still getting worse and worse, and that number of tickets definitely isn’t enough,” said Charleston, who added that the total of 129 illegal truck tickets between the two entire precincts “could’ve been given out on 15th Street alone.” She explained that, among other incidents, she has been woken up between 2 and 4am by several trucks — sometimes five or more — barreling down the small street, which is made even narrower by a bike lane. Charleston raised the issue at a Community Board 4 (CB4) Transportation Committee meeting on December 18, after which the committee drafted a letter calling on both the 10th and 13th Precincts to step up enforcement in a more comprehensive way. That letter — which was approved at the full board meeting on January 6 —

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Time For Governor to Take Lead on AIDS Housing TALKING POINT BY JAMES W. LISTER After his 12 years in office, I feel I almost don’t remember any mayor other than Michael Bloomberg. And in my memory, he will always be the billionaire mayor whose polices almost left me homeless. I moved into my apartment 34 years ago and was diagnosed with HIV in 1989. In 2003, I was approved for disability because I became too sick to work. I was left with no choice but to close my 20-year-old business and try to survive solely off my meager disability income. The near-universal standard for affordable housing says tenants should pay no more than 30 percent of their income toward rent. In New York State, only one low-income housing program does not abide by this standard: the HIV/ AIDS rental assistance program. This loophole leaves me — and 10,000 New Yorkers living with AIDS — to pay upwards of 80 percent of our fixed income toward rent. For me, that means scraping by on just $12.36 a day, having

to choose between paying an electricity bill and buying bath soap, and constantly living in fear of arrears and eviction. All of this while trying to manage a chronic illness requiring 32 prescriptions. In Albany, a 30 Percent Rent Cap bill seeks to close this loophole so that all HIV/ AIDS housing programs are truly affordable. The bill has a fraught history in the New York State Legislature. It passed both houses in 2010 with bipartisan support only to be squashed in the final hour by Governor Patterson’s veto — because New York’s billionaire mayor lobbied against it. But this month, a new legislative session begins, Bloomberg is out, and Mayor Bill de Blasio has vowed to take a different approach. On numerous occasions he has said that he supports the 30 Percent Rent Cap bill and will advocate for its passage in Albany. During his inauguration, virtually every speaker, including Mayor de Blasio, called out the failed policies of the past 12 years that have made New York the capital of homelessness. For roughly 10,000 of us, passage of this legislation would ensure we do not become another homeless statistic for our city. Now we need Governor Andrew

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR She’s often on the road to ‘Rail’ To The Editor: RE: “For Diner Cuisine, a ‘Line’ and a ‘Square’ on the Corner” (feature, Dec. 18, 2013): The Rail Line is a great diner — good food and good, friendly service. I have been eating there since they opened. Good luck, Teddy. Fran Raskin

Wolff deftly deals with bugs To The Editor: Re “High Line Horticulturist: ‘Anyone’s Guess’ How Foreign Roaches Arrived” (news, Dec. 18, 2013): As a veteran of the cockroach wars of the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s — first in the Village and then in Chelsea, I know a thing or two about how to banish them. It’s called Maxforce, the industrial strength Combat. I’ve used this product in all of the 58 units of my coop building on 21st Street. I distribute four or five baits to each apartment

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Cuomo to show his leadership and enact this vital policy through the New York State budget. He has the support of our new mayor, who I believe will follow through on his rhetoric, and he has a strong coalition of HIV/AIDS, LGBT and progressive groups calling for this long overdue policy change. Doing so will first of all protect the health of New Yorkers living with HIV/ AIDS. A landmark randomized control trial sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention and Department of Housing & Urban Development found that stable housing for people living with HIV/AIDS, or PLWHAs, reduced emergency room use by 35 percent and hospitalizations by 57 percent compared with those who remained homeless. Homeless PLWHAs were two and a half times more likely to use an emergency room and three times as likely to have a detectible HIV viral load, which increases the risk of HIV transmission and premature death. Aside from saving health care costs, affordable housing protection will also save the city and state money by reducing expensive emergency housing place-

ments. Commercial single room occupancy (SRO) units often cost two to three times as much as rental assistance and they are chronically substandard, not even providing basic amenities like a kitchen or phone. I worked for 35 years and paid into a Social Security system that I was told would be a safety net if the unthinkable happened. Well, the unthinkable did happen and that safety net, worn thin by failed austerity policies, I am now told, cannot support me. We need a 30 Percent Rent Cap because it is good policy that will keep people stably housed, improve health and rein in costs — and so that people like me can stop living in constant fear of becoming homeless. James W. Lister, a native of San Diego, has lived in New York City since 1979. He is a client of GMHC, a member of VOCAL-NY, a board member of the VOCAL-NY Action Fund, and a renegade activist and advocate who was grateful to turn 59 last year. He dedicates his work to all his friends and loved ones who died too soon.

Frigid Temps Don’t Distract from Confronting Cold Reality

about twice a year, and the little buggers are gone, gone. I wonder if the new guys are as susceptible as my old crop of American and German varmints. Actually they look more like water bugs than the classic cockroach. There’s a bait for them too. Pamela Wolff

De Blasio’s horse sense? To The Editor: Mayor DeBlasio is concerned for the safety of the carriage horses in New York City. Will his concern extend next to the police horses? Will they be the next to be taken out of service? Another question is what will happen to the stables across from the Javits Center that house the carriage horses, which are now prime real estate property near the end of the new No. 7 subway line extension and Hudson Yards? I just wanted to bring this to everyone’s attention since I am concerned about de Blasio’s real motives. Ruth Kuzub

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Photo by Bob Martin

L to R: Chuck Zlatkin, Sister Kathleen Ries, Pat Logan, Roberto Rodriguez and John Dennie (not in picture, group members Bob Martin and Bruce Rosen).

Come rain, shine or Polar Vortex, cold, you can count on seeing Chelsea Neighbors United to End the War on the northwest corner of Eighth Avenue and 24th Street — every Tuesday, from 6-7pm. What began as a response to the Iraq War has grown to encompass Afghanistan and other wars. It will continue, they say, “until the troops come home safely.”

On January 7, as temperatures dipped to nine degrees, the vigil marked its 452 consecutive week — with the group speaking to passersby, handing out the latest issue of their newsletter (which features a signed column each week by a Chelsea resident) and carrying the same banner that they began with in May 2005.

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

Community Contacts To be listed, email scott@chelseanow.com.

info

COMMUNITY BOARD 4 (CB4) CB4 serves Manhattan’s West Side neighborhoods of Chelsea and Clinton/Hell’s Kitchen. Its boundaries are 14th St. on the south, 59/60th St. on the north, the Hudson River on the west, 6th Ave. on the east (south of 26th St.) and 8th Ave. on the east (north of 26th St.). The board meeting, open to the public, is normally the first Wednesday of the month. The next meeting is Wed., Feb. 5, 6:30pm, at Fulton Auditorium (119 Ninth Ave., btw. 17th & 18th Sts.). Call 212-736-4536, visit nyc. gov/mcb4 or email them at info@ manhattancb4.org. COMMUNITY BOARD 5 (CB5) CB5 represents the central business district of New York City. It includes midtown Manhattan, the Fashion, Flower, Flatiron and Diamond districts, as well as Bryant Park and Union Square Park. The district is at the center of New York’s tourism industry. The Theatre District, Times Square, Carnegie Hall, the Empire State Building and two of the region’s transportation hubs (Grand Central Station and Penn Station) fall within CB5. The board meeting, open to the public, happens on the second Thursday of the month. The next meeting is Thurs., Feb. 11th, 6pm, at Xavier High School (30 W. 16th St., btw. 5th & 6th Aves., 2nd fl.). Call 212465-0907, visit cb5.org or email them at office@cb5.org. THE 300 WEST 23RD, 22ND & 21ST STREETS BLOCK ASSOCIATION Contact them at 300wba@gmail. com. THE WEST 400 BLOCK ASSOCIATION Contact them at w400ba@gmail.com.

CHELSEA GARDEN CLUB Chelsea Garden Club cares for the bike lane tree pits in Chelsea. If you want to adopt a tree pit or join the group, please contact them at cgc.nyc@gmail.com or like them on Facebook. Also visit chelseagardenclub.blogspot.com. LOWER CHELSEA ALLIANCE (LoCal) This group is committed to protecting the residential blocks of Chelsea from overscale development. Contact them at LowerChelseaAlliance@gmail.com. THE GREENWICH VILLAGE-CHELSEA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE Call 212-337-5912 or visit villagechelsea.com. THE MEATPACKING DISTRICT INITIATIVE Visit meatpacking-district.com or call 212-633-0185. PENN SOUTH The Penn South Program for Seniors provides recreation, education and social services — and welcomes volunteers. For info, call 212-2433670 or visit pennsouthlive.com. THE BOWERY RESIDENTS’ COMMITTEE: HOMELESS HELPLINE If you know of anyone who is in need of their services, call the Homeless Helpline at 212-533-5151, and the BRC will send someone to make contact. This number is staffed by outreach team leaders 24 hours a day. Callers may remain anonymous. For more info, visit brc.org. THE LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL & TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY CENTER At 208 W. 13th St. (btw. 7th & 8th Aves.). Visit gaycenter.org or call 212620-7310. GAY MEN’S HEALTH CRISIS (GMHC) At 446 W. 33rd St. btw. 9th & 10th Aves. Visit gmhc.org. Call 212-367-1000.

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THE WEST SIDE’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER

Published by NYC COMMUNITY MEDIA, LLC WWW.GAYCITYNEWS.COM

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YOUR FREE � MARRIAGE PUSH WEEKLY NY advocates step NEWSPAPER up pressure P.4

� LOU HARRISON DIES AT 85

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Contemporary composer, Eastern music pioneer

Queer flicks worth waiting for

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515 Canal St., Unit 1C, New York, NY 10013 Phone: (212) 229-1890 • Fax: (212) 229-2790 On-line: www.chelseanow.com E-mail: scott@chelseanow.com head

BY DUNCAN OSBORNE

BY PAUL SCHINDLER

he 2004 federal budget proposed by the Bush administration on February 3 is drawing both praise and criticism from gay and AIDS groups. “Generally, we have a mixed reaction to it,” said Winnie Stachelberg, political director at the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), even as some leading AIDS groups, including the Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC), were more critical. The proposal includes a $100 million increase for the AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP), a $5 million dollar increase in the Housing Opportunities for People With AIDS

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� BOOKSHOP SHUFFLE Oscar Wilde up, Bluestockings down

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� SIGNORILE There’s a place for us

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� THEATER Jews and Muslims work together � 32 ——————————————

CREDIT

� BOOKS Gay spaghetti western

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Member of the National Newspaper Association Chelsea Now is published biweekly by NYC Community Media LLC, 515 Canal St., Unit 1C, New York, NY 10013. (212) 229-1890. Annual subscription by mail in Manhattan and Brooklyn $75. Single copy price at office and newsstands is 50 cents. The entire contents of newspaper, including advertising, are copyrighted and no part may be reproduced without the express permission of the publisher - © 2010 NYC Community Media LLC, Postmaster: Send address changes to Chelsea Now, 145 Sixth Ave., First Fl., New York, N.Y. 10013.

PUBLISHER’S LIABILITY FOR ERROR

The Publisher shall not be liable for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value of an advertisement. The publisher’s liability for other errors or omissions in connection with an advertisement is strictly limited to publication of the advertisement in any subsequent issue.

HUDSON GUILD Founded in 1895, Hudson Guild is a multi-service, multi-generational community serving approximately 14,000 people annually with daycare, hot meals for senior citizens, low-cost professional counseling, community arts programs and recreational programming for teens. Visit them at hudsonguild.org. Email them at info@ hudsonguild.org. For the John Lovejoy Elliott Center (441 W. 26th St.), call 212-760-9800. For the Children’s Center (459 W. 26th St.), call 212-7609830. For the Education Center (447 W. 25th St.), call 212-760-9843. For the Fulton Center for Adult Services (119 9th Ave.), call 212-924-6710. THE CARTER BURDEN CENTER FOR THE AGING This organization promotes the wellbeing of individuals 60 and older through direct social services and volunteer programs oriented to individual, family and community needs. Call 212-879-7400 or visit burdencenter.org. FULTON YOUTH OF THE FUTURE Email them at fultonyouth@gmail. com or contact Miguel Acevedo, 646-671-0310. WEST SIDE NEIGHBORHOOD ALLIANCE Visit westsidenyc.org or call 212956-2573. Email them at wsna@ hcc-nyc.org. CHELSEA COALITION ON HOUSING Tenant assistance every Thursday night at 7pm, at Hudson Guild (119 9th Ave.). Email them at chelseacoalition.cch@gmail.com. FRIENDS OF HUDSON RIVER PARK Visit fohrp.org or call 212-757-0981. HUDSON RIVER PARK TRUST Visit hudsonriverpark.org or call 212627-2020. SAVE CHELSEA Contact them at savechelseanyc@ gmail.com.

PUBLISHER Jennifer Goodstein

SR. V.P. OF SALES AND MARKETING Francesco Regini

EDITOR Scott Stiffler

RETAIL AD MANAGER Colin Gregory

REPORTERS Lincoln Anderson

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Allison Greaker Michael O'Brien

EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS

Sean Egan Maeve Gately PUBLISHER EMERITUS John W. Sutter

Andrew Regier Rebecca Rosenthal Julio Tumbaco

DISTRICT 3 CITY COUNCILMEMBER COREY JOHNSON Call 212-564-7757 or visit council.nyc. gov/d3/html/members/home.shtml. STATE SENATOR BRAD HOYLMAN Call 212-633-8052 or visit bradhoylman.com. CHELSEA REFORM DEMOCRATIC CLUB The CRDC (the home club of City Council Speaker Christine Quinn and Assemblymember Richard N. Gottfried) meets monthly to exchange political ideas on protecting the rights and improving the lives of those residing in Chelsea. Visit crdcnyc.org or email them at info@crdcnyc.org. THE SAGE CENTER New York City’s first LGBT senior center offers hot meals, counseling and a cyber-center — as well as programs on arts and culture, fitness, nutrition, health and wellness. At 305 Seventh Ave. (15th floor, btw. 27th & 28th Sts.). Call 646-576-8669 or visit sageusa.org/ thesagecenter for menus and a calendar of programs. At 147 W. 24th St. (btw. 6th & 7th Aves.) THE SYLVIA RIVERA LAW PROJECT works to guarantee that all people are free to self-determine their gender identity and expression without facing harassment, discrimination or violence. Visit srlp.org. FIERCE (Fabulous Independent Educated Radicals for Community Empowerment) builds the leadership and power of bisexual, transgender and queer youth of color in NYC. Visit fiercenyc.org. THE AUDRE LORDE PROJECT is a lesbian, gay, bisexual, two spirit, trans and gender non-conforming people of color center for community organizing. Visit alp.org.

ART / PRODUCTION DIRECTOR Troy Masters SENIOR DESIGNER Michael Shirey GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Andrew Goos Chris Ortiz CIRCULATION SALES MNGR. Marvin Rock

CONTRIBUTORS Jim Caruso Martin Denton Heather Dubin Sean Egan Ophira Eisenberg Roger Miller Paul Schindler Trav S.D. Sam Spokony Eileen Stukane

DISTRIBUTION & CIRCULATION Cheryl Williamson

VIDEO SEGMENT PRODUCER Don Mathisen

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

POLICE BLOTTER Resisting Arrest: Caught with coke after being cuffed A 19-year-old male was taken into custody around 3:30am on Sun., Jan. 5 — after uniformed officers of the 10th Precinct observed him urinating on a public sidewalk (at the southeast corner of Ninth Ave. & W. 25th St.). The collar didn’t come easily, though. After being approached by the officers, the man pulled away from them — then flailed his arms in an attempt to avoid being handcuffed. Once subdued, an inspection of his person turned up a small container of cocaine.

Grand Larceny: The high cost of cheap talk A victim of theft has very little memory of the event that cost him $3,825 — to the point where he was unable to give police a description of the twoman team who successfully executed a

schmooze, steal and run maneuver. In the early morning of Sun., Jan. 5, the victim invited two other males back to his place (in the W. 20s), after befriending them at a nearby bar. While one of the men chatted with the 43-yearold victim, his accomplice gathered up items including a Mac laptop (worth $2,500), a $700 iPhone and a pair of $300 Sony headphones. One thief then fled by climbing down the fire escape, while the other guest suddenly lost interest in the conversation and made a break for the door.

Criminal Posession: Nip tippler was packing Molly Drinking in public led to a much more serious charge, for a 26-year-old man who chose to spend the waning moments of Sat., Jan. 4, by drinking from an open container of alcohol (on the southwest corner of 10th Ave. & W. 26th St.). Swigging from a small plastic bottle of Svedka vodka was enough to pique the interest of police — who soon discovered the man to be in possession

of what appeared to be Molly (a popular colloquial term for a powerful form of MDMA, aka “ecstasy”).

Fraud: Lights dark on Broadway show hopes A would-be Broadway patron hoping to see “The Book of Mormon” was left singing the blues — when he showed up at the theater with four fake tickets and a typo-riddled receipt. The Connecticut resident met his bogus broker on the corner of 28th St. & Eight Ave. — after forking over $1,028.50 for prime seats (center orchestra, row E) to the Sat., Jan. 4 performance. The addition of an $8.50 “convenience charge” led credibility to the order — but a decent knowledge of American playwrights would have tipped the victim off. The web printout he was given managed to misspell the Eugene O’Neill Theatre (leaving off an “l” from the last name). Numerous calls to the perp’s number went unanswered.

—Scott Stiffler

THE 10th PRECINCT Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. 7th & 8th Aves.). Commander: Captain David S. Miller. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-7418216. Youth Officer: 212-741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-741-8210. Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The next Community Council meeting, open to the public, will take place at 7pm on Wed., Jan. 29.

THE 13th PRECINCT Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.). Deputy Inspector: Ted Bernsted. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-477-3863. Youth Officer: 212477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meeting takes place at 6:30pm on the third Tues. of the month.

CRIME STOPPERS If you have info regarding a crime committed or a wanted person, call Crime Stoppers at 800-577-TIPS, text “TIP577” (plus your message) to “CRIMES” (274637) or submit a tip online at nypdcrimestoppers.com.

Sixth Precinct Responds to Club Zone Crime Surge BY SAM SPOKONY The NYPD’s recently launched interactive crime map — available online at maps. nyc.gov/crime — shows that the majority of the Sixth Precinct’s 2013 grand larcenies were localized to four areas: around the New York University campus, just below Washington Square Park; around the Sheridan Square intersection, near the No. 1 subway train entrance and around Christopher Street and Seventh Avenue South; and nightclubs in the Meatpacking District. Perhaps the most memorable Meatpacking assault took place last November, when famed jewelry designer James de Givenchy was arrested following his alleged attack on a police officer on West 13th Street. Cops were towing de Givenchy’s Mercedes-Benz when he reportedly went out of control and punched an officer in the face — after a taser had no effect on the jeweler — forcing other officers to mace de Givenchy several times in order to subdue him. In a January 3 interview, the commanding officer of the Police Department’s Sixth Precinct said that she believes the Village could see a decrease in thefts this year, even after they rose by more than 10 percent in 2013. Inspector Elisa Cokkinos — who headed Chelsea’s 10th Precinct from 2010 through spring of 2013 — explained that

efforts to work more closely with bar and nightclub owners, especially in the Meatpacking District, could bring those numbers down. Trendy Meatpacking clubs were hot spots for both thefts and assaults throughout 2013, though those crimes also rose in bars along Christopher St. and around New York University’s South Village campus. Cokkinos responded in June by putting together a new team to deal specifically with nightlife establishments. That unit, including a sergeant and six police officers, communicates directly with the clubs regarding inspections and crime prevention. The special unit also supplements the general work of officers already assigned to the midnight shift. Sixth Precinct Community Affairs officers also held sessions with bar and club staff members last year, instructing them on ways to cut down on crime inside the venues. “We went over some key issues with them in terms of what to look out for, and how to make their interactions better, and I think it was very successful,” said Cokkinos. Cokkinos stressed that, aside from keeping her new nightlife unit in place for the coming year and continuing to do community outreach, there would be no strategy changes in terms of dealing with thefts in the area.

The Police Department’s interactive map shows a high volume of crime in the Meatpacking District this year, represented by the larger circles in the image’s upper left corner. The largest circles signify 24 to 34 crimes, while the smallest ones show locations of only one to three crimes.

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Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

Hudson Yards/Hell’s Kitchen Alliance Makes ‘BID’ to Oversee New Boulevard

These four renderings depict aspects of Hudson Park & Boulevard — currently under construction.

Continued from page 1 tenance and safety, while $430,000 will go towards district-wide services like pedestrian safety and sanitation, and $325,000 will pay for local advocacy and administrative costs, according to the BID’s approved plan. That budget will be — as with all of the city’s 69 BIDs — funded primarily by new taxes levied on area property owners. And almost the entire $1.2 million budget will be funded by payments from a group of owners who make up slightly less than 20 percent of the BID’s 1,164 total tax lots. Those major contributors are owners of commercial or mixed use properties, residential properties built after the area’s rezoning in 2005, and those who own vacant, undeveloped land in the district. Nearly half of those 226 tax lots will pay the BID less than $1,000 per year, but many will pay significantly more, with around 10 percent of the owners shelling out more than $10,000 per year, according to figures put out by the BID. The remaining tax lots — made up of individual residential condo owners, non-profit organizations and owners of residential buildings constructed before 2005 — will pay a symbolic $1 per year to the BID, and residential tenants will not face any new tax. And now that the details have all been finalized, and the (former) Mayor’s signature has been secured, the new challenge for BID planners is shifting their outreach efforts towards starting up the Hudson Yards/Hell’s Kitchen Alliance on that aggressive mid-2014 timeline. Bernstein said that postcards and emails are being sent out to invite property owners and other stakeholders to

Images courtesy of Hudson Yards Development Corporation

submit their names for consideration to serve on the Alliance’s interim board of directors. He hopes to have the interim board installed by the end of February, after which that board will accomplish key initial tasks such as finding a permanent office for the Alliance and hiring its executive director. The 29-member interim board will be comprised of a 15-member majority group of the higher-taxed commercial, mixed-use and residential property owners, and a 14-member minority group that will include commercial and residential tenants, Community Board 4 members and representatives of local elected officials. Considering that the process of putting together that board and then hiring a staff may take longer than expected,

Bernstein explained that even if it’s not possible to get the BID’s Alliance up and running within six months, he and other steering committee members will be happy if it’s at least operational by the end of the year, when Phase One of Hudson Park & Boulevard is scheduled to be complete. And since Phase Two of the new park — which will bring it up from West 37th to West 39th Street — does not yet have any funding, Bernstein said the Alliance will further devote some of its advocacy resources towards helping to get those efforts underway. “[The Alliance] is going to lobby aggressively for the funding for Phase Two, because that’s also going to be one of our key goals for the future,” said Bernstein.

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

CHELSEA: ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Four Winter Fests Bring the Heat

Under the Radar, Other Forces, PROTOTYPE and Gilded Stage BY SCOTT STIFFLER

“BRAND NEW ANCIENTS” — IN THE PUBLIC THEATER’S UNDER THE RADAR FESTIVAL

South East London resident Kate Tempest’s raps are vivid observations that mine the divine from life’s unpleasant realities. For Tempest, who cut her teeth as a writer during a “wayward youth living in squats, hanging around on picket lines, rapping at riot cops and on the night bus home,” it’s the “everyday odysseys” that give an epic glow to this tale of multiple generations from two families. “See, there’s always been heroes and there’s always been villains,” says Tempest in a YouTube excerpt from the show. “And yes, the stakes may have changed, but really there’s no difference. There’s always been heartbreak and greed and ambition and bravery and love and trespass and contrition.” All shifting shoulders and closed eyes that give way to forceful stances and contemplative squints as she stalks the mic, Tempest’s delivery can come across as blunt to the point of curt — but her mashup performance style (hip hop rhythms, poetic rhymes, classical music riffs) is anchored by a deep, rage-leavening empathy for “the plight of the people who have forgotten their myths.” It’s what elevates her characters from the murk of everyday routine into the realm of “Brand New Ancients.” The show plays St. Ann’s Warehouse after earning a Herald Angel Award, from its run at the 2013 Edinburgh Festival Fringe. The 27-year-old Tempest also drew critical accolades during an “Ancients” tour of prestigious London venues (including the Royal Court Theatre, the Young Vic and the Royal Opera House). Joined on stage by a live quartet (Raven Bush on violin, Natasha Zielazinski on cello, Jo Gibson on tuba and Kwake Bass on percussion and electronics), Tempest more than lives up to the hype that precedes her arrival in the states. Also in Under the Radar (which spotlights new theater from the U.S. and around the world): “Helen & Edgar” (through Jan. 18, at the Public Theater) is written by, and stars, The Moth (storytelling slam) founder George Dawes Green. Helmed by longtime Moth artistic director Catherine Burns, it’s Green’s hilarious/heartbreaking tale of he and his sister’s strange childhood in Savannah and their mother’s struggle with madness. “Brand New Ancients” takes place Jan. 15-18 at 8pm and Jan. 19 at 7pm. At St. Ann’s Warehouse (29 Jay St. in DUMBO, Brooklyn). For tickets ($20), call 866-811-4111 or visit stannswarehouse.org. Also visit katetempest. co.uk. Find a full schedule, and info on “5 for $75” festival ticket packs, at undertheradarfestival.com.

Photo by RULER

London sensation Kate Tempest, center, brings her “Brand New Ancients” to St. Ann’s Warehouse, as part of the Under the Radar Festival.

as a lesbian). King is portrayed by Laryssa Husiak, a member of the Obie Award-winning Two-Headed Calf and a founding member of its Dyke Division. A group of middle school students, who serve as the production’s run crew, underwent a workshop covering topics relevant to the play — including the history of women’s tennis and King’s efforts on behalf of equality and social justice. “She is King” is part of Incubator Arts’ annual Other Forces festival, running through January 26. Created to showcase innovative independent theater artists, its other productions include “Take Me Home,” an interactive live performance (for three audience members only) that takes place inside a cab, as it navigates the city streets. “I am an Opera” is a collection of arias drawn from creator Joseph Keckler’s accidental trip on hallucinogens. “#aspellforfaining” encourages audience members keep their smart phones on, then use them to tweet photos and videos — as a solo performer, a sound artist and a video artist draw on everything from “Hamlet” to “American Idol” to investigate the chaos of creation. “She is King” is performed at 8pm on Jan. 18/19, 25/26 and at 7pm on Jan. 16 & 23/24. At the Incubator Arts Project (St. Mark’s Church-in-the-Bowery, 131 E. 10th St., corner of Second Ave.). For tickets ($18), call 866-8114111 or visit incubatorarts.org.

“THUMBPRINT” — IN THE PROTOTYPE FESTIVAL

Photo by Katherine Brook

She battled sexism, and won: Light is shed on Billie Jean King’s personality, and persona, through the reenactment of three classic TV interviews. See “She is King,” in the Other Forces festival.

“SHE IS KING” — IN INCUBATOR ARTS’ OTHER FORCES FESTIVAL

Four decades after her game-changing victory over Bobby Riggs in 1973’s “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match, “She is King” assesses the far-reaching impact of Billie Jean King on media, gender, sports culture, sexuality and celebrity. The staged reenactment of three inter-

Photo by Carl Skutsch

The opera-theatre work “Thumbprint” has its world premiere, as part of the PROTOTYPE festival.

views (conducted at the height of King’s athletic prowess and pop culture reach) also plays out, in real time, on nine extremely retro cathode ray tube television sets. Recreated by the cast are verbal volleys with CUNY-TV cable host James Day (1973), an appearance on Toni Tennille’s talk show (1980) and a 1981 sit-down with Barbara Walters (just before King was outed

First presented at Galapagos Art Space in 2009 as a song-cycle, then further developed in 2011 at The Kitchen, “Thumbprint” has its world-premiere as one of seven productions in the second annual PROTOTYPE: Opera/ Theatre/Now festival (which presents fully realized chamber-sized pieces). Indo-American composer Kamala Sankaram (whose score features traditional Hindustani and Western classical music) sings the lead role of Mukhtar — the survivor of a 2002 gang rape committed as an act of retribution for her brother’s alleged “honor crime.” Based on interviews with Mukhtar, the libretto by Susan Yankowitz explores how family ties and tribal traditions influenced Mukhtar’s evolution from an illiterate, impoverished peasant to the human rights crusader (she was the first Pakistani woman to bring her attackers to justice) to founder/president of her own school. Also featured in the PROTOTYPE festival (which is co-produced by Beth Morrison Projects and HERE): “Have a Good Day!” peers behind the chirpy, robotic greetings of shopping center cashiers to reveal their inner lives and personal dramas. In “Angel’s Bone,” two fallen angels pining for earthly pleasures are rescued — then held captive — by a middle-class couple who

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

Choice Cuts from Four Prime Rib Festivals

Photo by Lilly Charles

Photo by Anthony P. Pennino

JT Waite as Thomas Edison, Rik Walter as Johansen and CJ Trentacosta as Albert, in “Edison’s Elephant” (part of the Gilded Stage Festival).

Jack London goes all Mary Shelley, in a scene from “A Thousand Deaths” — part of Metropolitan Playhouse’s Gilded Stage Festival.

Continued from page 12 see the winged creatures as their ticket to wealth and fame. Beats and live looping mix with opera, pop, jazz and soul — in “Elizaveta,” an evening of stylistic shifts meant to unite the 19th and 21st centuries, via musical means. “Thumbprint” is performed Jan. 15-18 at 7pm. At Baruch Performing Arts Center (55 Lexington Ave.; enter on 25th St., btw. Lexington & Third Ave.). For tickets ($25, or $16.30 & $15, through PROTO pack festival pass), call 212-352-3101 or visit prototypefestival.org. For info on the PROTOTYPE cofounders, visit bethmorrisonprojects.org and here.org. PROTOTYPE productions also take place at HERE (145 Sixth Ave.), Brooklyn’s Roulette Theatre, Tribeca’s Trinity Church and The Public Theater/Joe’s Pub (both at 425 Lafayette St.).

“EDISON’S ELEPHANT”— IN METROPOLITAN PLAYHOUSE’S GILDED STAGE FESTIVAL

Rub their face in too much wretched excess, and the people (plus an occasional elephant) will rebel — or at least become deeply resentful. That’s what prompted co-authors Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner to pen a novel whose title (“The Gilded Age”) was quickly co-opted as snarky slang for an America whose industrial czars, crooked politicians and newly minted leisure class enjoyed the fruits of cheap, plentiful, immigrant labor. Subtitled “A Tale of Today,” the 1873 satire of avarice could just as easily be an e-book with a 2014 copyright and a cover shot of Bill “Tale of Two Cities” de Blasio pledging a tax on the rich to feed the needs of the 99 percent. Although he didn’t program the Gilded Stage Festival with our new mayor in mind, it’s not lost on Metropolitan Playhouse artistic director Alex Roe — whose socially conscious, history-centric East Village theater is poised to further stoke the flames of its 2013-2014 theme: Justice in America. “This period,” says

Roe of the eerily familiar Gilded Age, “is one of extreme wealth and success for some people — and, following immigration and the Civil War, a time of real struggle for others, before progressives made social changes.” Serving as the ninth entry in their ongoing Living Literature series, the festival showcases nine new works by emerging artists dedicated to exploring the lives and times of American writers and creators. No entry captures the era’s greed and cold calculation quite like “Edison’s Elephant.” A new play by David Koteles and Chris Van Strander, it centers on the ghastly, agonizing 1903 electrocution of a Luna Park pachyderm. When beloved Coney Island circus elephant Topsy responded to repeated abuse by killing his handler, famed inventor Thomas Edison, says Roe, “saw it as a chance to promote his reputation and knock other commercial purveyors of electricity” by executing the animal. Adding insult to injury (in the name of profit), Edison filmed the whole thing, and then released a short called “Electrocuting an Elephant.” Roe says the play’s “Rashomon”-like take on this dark, largely forgotten incident “captures the hubris of the age, and how it might go awry.” Two Edith Wharton works are also featured in the festival: Michèle LaRue will present a dramatic reading of “Roman Fever.” A staged reading of Linda Selman’s new adaptation of the Wharton novella “Bunner Sisters,” notes Roe, showcases plenty of “excess wealth and social splendor, but set against the real perils of poverty, in a time that seemed to define itself by social success and the accrual of riches.” The premiere of Peter Judd’s “Gilt on the Gold” finds an aged Frederick Law Olmstead looking back at his life, and relating the “particular accidents” that led to his design of Central Park. Recalling “Frankenstein” in its gothic tone, Anthony P. Pennino’s adaptation of the 1899 Jack London short story “A Thousand Deaths” concerns a man who — believing he’s found the cure for death — tests his theory (over and over) on a single human guinea pig. “It’s London responding in his own way to a disconcerting world of

industrial discovery,” says Roe, alluding to what is perhaps the Gilded Age’s most damaging legacy — the arrogance that comes from using technology to hold sway over others. “Edison’s Elephant” plays Thurs., Jan. 16 at 7pm, Sun., Jan. 19 at 9pm, Fri., Jan. 24 at 9pm and Sat., Jan. 25 at 1pm. The Gilded

Stage Festival plays daily, through Jan. 28, at the Metropolitan Playhouse (220 E. Fourth St., btw. Aves. A & B). For a full schedule of festival event, and to order tickets ($18, $15 for students/seniors, $10 for children 10 & under), call 800-838-3006 or visit metropolitanplayhouse.org.

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Just Do Art

Photo by Jim Carmody

Photo by Steven Simring

Doomed to gloom: Jay Scheib’s adaptation of an unfinished Chekhov play gets the simultaneous stage and film treatment.

Set in a Five Points saloon just before the Draft Riots of 1863, “Hard Times” reimagines the Stephen Foster songbook.

PLATONOV, OR THE DISINHERITED

The last time Jay Scheib premiered a work at The Kitchen, his academia, sci-fi and Fassbinder-inspired computer simulation conspiracy tale (“World of Wires”) earned him a 2012 OBIE for Best Direction. Now, the multimedia designer returns to West Chelsea with a new theatrical event that doubles as a film — shot by the cast, live-edited and beamed to cinemas across the country while being projected onto screens integrated into the onstage set. A complex practitioner of grafting multiple themes, genres and technologies onto his source material, the home base for Scheib’s current project — The Kitchen’s bare bones black box theater — is a fitting location for a production that adds its own body and soul to the skeletal remains of Anton Chekhov’s first play. Found in a safedeposit box after his death, Scheib’s take on the unfinished work is billed as “Platonov” on the stage, and “The Disinherited” in its cinematic form. Although the funny/gloomy Russian playwright thought his “Platonov” unfit for public consumption (hence the lockbox treatment), many familiar Chekhovian elements are here — from unrequited love to gunshots to the dark cloud of a family home in danger of being lost. With much of the action unfolding at the countryside home of Sasha and Platonov, tempers flare when the title character gravitates towards his old college flame, in an effort to carve out a new life. That choice proves ill-advised, setting off a chain of events whose consequences include attempted murder and suicide, lynching, double crosses and heart attacks. Scheib’s adaptation centers around the tragic irony of its young, yet doomed characters — whom, he notes, “could have just gone to bed and continued along in their semi-prosperous yet semi-boring lives — but

rial by Kirwan to create “a modern musical and dramatic sensibility.” Set in Lower Manhattan’s crowded and violent Five Points, the action unfolds in a saloon — where locals (including Foster, who lived in the neighborhood) converge, as ethnic, racial and political frictions explode into the Draft Riots of 1863. Thurs., Fri., Sat. at 8pm and Sun. at 3pm, through Feb. 2 (no Jan. 19 performance). At the cell (338 W. 23rd St., btw. Eighth & Ninth Aves.). For tickets ($18), call 800838-3006 or visit thecelltheatre.org.

I COULD SAY MORE

Photo by Ahron Foster

Nine characters come to a fork in the road, when they gather at a Long Island summer beach house. See “I Could Say More.”

instead stayed up and got more drunk and chose a destruction they knew somehow was coming anyway.” On the bright side, they did get to be in a play… and a movie! Wed. through Fri., Jan., 15-17 & 22–24 at 8pm. At The Kitchen (512 W. 19th St., btw. 10th & 11th Aves.). For tickets ($25), call 212-255-5793, x11 or visit thekitchen. org. Screens at 8pm, Jan. 22, at AMC Empire 25 in Times Square (234 W. 42nd St., btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.) and Jan. 16 & 23 at BAM Rose Cinemas (Peter Jay Sharp Building, 30 Lafayette Ave., Brooklyn). For screening tickets, visit bam.org or amctheatres.com. Visit jayscheib.com, and follow The Kitchen at twitter.com/The KitchenNYC and facebook.com/TheKitchenNYC.

HARD TIMES

Larry Kirwan — lead singer of the Irish-American rock band Black 47 and a playwright who penned the music and lyrics to “Transport” (debuting next month at the Irish Repertory Theatre) — is already on the boards of another Chelsea performance space. Following its acclaimed 2013 premiere, Kirwan’s Stephen Foster musical has returned to 23rd Street’s the cell for a run that commemorates the 150th anniversary of Foster’s death (at age 37, on January 13, 1864). Drawing from the Foster songbook (“Oh! Susanna,” “Camptown Races,” “Beautiful Dreamer”), this re-imagining of his still-popular work integrates new mate-

Outside, the bitter sting of winter will be felt for two more months — but in the Hudson Guild Theatre, a group of nine is chilling out at a Long Island summer beach house. In “I Could Say More,” frustrated writer Carl (married to Drew, and father to adopted son Jason) complicates his twoweek vacation by inviting the object of his true affection: his husband’s brother, who arrives with a new boy toy in tow. When two equally conflicted straight couples join the group, liquor flows — uncorking old rivalries, unrequited love and full-tilt neurosis. Foolish dreams of seaside serenity give way to fork-in-the-road decisions about life, love and commitment. Written and directed by Chuck Blasius, this world premiere is the latest from Other Side Productions — whose 2011 production of “Accidentally, Like a Martyr” was a critical and popular success. Through Feb. 7, every Mon. and Thurs., Fri, Sat. at 8pm and Sun. at 7pm (except Jan. 20) at 8 and Sundays at 7. At Hudson Guild Theatre (441 W. 26th St., btw. 9th & 10th Aves.) For tickets ($18), call 212-3523101 or visit othersideproductions.org. For info on the playwright and a video preview featuring interviews with the cast, visit chuckblasius.com.

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

Thank You for Being Funny

‘Golden Girls’ parody delivers for fans, delights the uninformed

THEATER THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND: A GOLDEN GIRLS MUSICAL PARODY Wed. at 7pm, through Feb. 12 At The Laurie Beechman Theater 407 W. 42nd St., at Ninth Ave. $20, plus $15 food/drink minimum Call 212-352-3101 Visit spincyclenyc.com Photo by Max Ruby

Guys, as gals! The unauthorized “Golden Girls” musical pits four 60+ Miami roommates against noisy neighbor Ricky Martin.

BY SCOTT STIFFLER After suffering the month-long indignity of being bumped from the schedule in favor of running those horrendous, holiday-themed movies, “The Golden Girls” are back on Hallmark Channel — but the real return-toform news is playing out live, on a stage near you. Not so hot on the heels of sold-out runs

in 2009 and 2010, “Thank You For Being A Friend” makes the great leap from its former East Village digs (at The Kraine Theater) to within walking (or walker?) distance of Broadway. Booked at West 42nd Street’s Laurie Beechman Theater through February 12, this musical parody suits up a cast of dudes

in their best horrendous 80s fashions — “Dynasty”-style shoulder pads and all — for a breezy, bawdy romp as totally unauthorized versions of the 60+ Miami roommates. Across-the-board-funny, each member of the faux foursome comes to the table with a loopy, exaggerated take on the icon they’re tasked with playing. Luke Jones is towering,

brainy Dorothea, Chad Ryan is prolific vixen Blanchette and Nick Brennan (who wrote the book and also directs) is sweet but ditzy Roz. Joined by wisecracking elder Sophie (Adrian Rifat), the dead ringers — who get laughs simply by striking a pose — must negotiate a premise as thin as the set’s two-dimensional wicker furniture. Emboldened, perhaps, by his recently announced divorce, next door neighbor Ricky Martin (John De Los Santos, funny throughout in multiple roles) is casting a pall over the girls’ cheesecake-scarfing gabfests with his noisy outdoor sex parties. A musical variety solution presents itself, in the form of the upcoming Shady Oaks Retirement Home Talent Show. If the women win, the parties stop — and if the gays take the crown, the girls become the party’s cleanup crew. Before the climax’s inevitable happy ending, the absurd storyline (punctuated by clever shoestring budget production numbers) twists and turns its way through sex reassignment surgery, childhood flashbacks, betrayals, reconciliations and a relentless barrage of Me Decade references (many of which are just plain funny, even if you’re clueless about the context). High culture it ain’t, folks — but for lovers of the cult TV show who like a little good, clean, gay-friendly raunch, this one’s a Hump Day must.

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Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

Meatpacking BID is Cooking BY LINCOLN ANDERSON An effort to form a business improvement district (BID) in the Meatpacking District failed to gather sufficient support from local property owners a few years ago. It was said, at that time, that it was too early for a BID for the burgeoning new entertainment zone, but that another try would be made later. That time has come, as a new push is on to form a BID including the Meatpacking District, plus a few blocks of southern Chelsea. In recent years, the Meatpacking District Improvement Association (MPIA) has done a few of the things a BID would do, but it isn’t funded by a special tax assessment on property owners like a city-approved BID. According to a statement on MPIA’s website, “various stakeholders” in the proposed district are behind the initiative. The proposed boundaries are Horatio Street, Eighth Avenue, 17th Street and the West Side Highway/11th Avenue. Notable presences in the district include Google, Chelsea Market, the High Line and, slated to open in 2015, the Whitney Museum. “Already a high-profile commercial, entertainment and retail corridor, the Meatpacking District is a world-class destination,” says the statement on MPIA’s site. “In coming years, the addition of a number of new commercial developments will result in increased levels of visitation and traffic. With such growth will come increased and evolving needs for area services. To respond to those needs, the neighborhood will require an organization with the district’s quality of life as its primary focus, and with the resources to be proactive in addressing the needs of the community.” Currently, the Chelsea part of the proposed district is served by the Chelsea Improvement Company. The BID would estab-

lish “a unified district under a single identity and mission,” the statement says. BIDs supplement city services by typically providing sanitation, maintenance, landscaping, public safety, marketing, capital improvements, programming for public spaces and communitybased events. The BID, the statement adds, would host an annual meeting at which constituents would have “a place to voice concerns, celebrate successes, provide input and vote on leadership of the BID. Leadership of the BID would include representation from the residential and business communities, along with community boards and the city… A BID would leverage the collective weight of property owners, merchants, residents and local elected officials to advocate for public funds for area-specific capital improvements.” However, at the December 19 Community Board 2 (CB2) meeting, Elaine Young, a member who lives south of the Meat Market, expressed concern that residents’ voices would not be sufficiently accounted for. “There’s not a single local resident on this BID,” she said. “The southern boundary leaves out a huge swath of residents. We will be affected by this BID’s decisions. We do deserve a seat at the table.” Young offered a resolution calling for four residents from an expanded district to be appointed to the BID’s board, with two from CB2 and two from CB4. But David Gruber, CB2 chairperson, opposed that sort of geographic specification. Gruber and CB4 chairperson Christine Berthet are on the BID’s steering committee. “It’s challenging for them, because they can’t tax residential areas,” Gruber noted of BID rules. “This is going to be a very important BID for us,” he predicted of the BID’s neighborhood role. The board approved Young’s resolution.

A map showing the proposed boundaries of the Meatpacking Area Business Improvement District and some of the notable businesses, institutions and attractions in the district.

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

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Illegal Truck Traffic Getting Trying to have Worse on 15th St. a baby? Continued from page 7 specifically cites strong collaborative work that took place between police, the board and block residents in 2007 and 2008, leading to a sharp decrease in illegal truck traffic. Another problem with enforcement may stem from policies pushed by the city’s Department of Transportation (DOT), which allegedly allow many truckers to get off the hook even after they’ve been ticketed. Bulbach said he was recently told by Captain David Miller, commanding officer of the 10th Precinct, that numerous tickets his officers had written were being dismissed by the courts, because of “waivers” granted by the DOT to any vehicles related to nearby construction. “That could be another reason why the truck drivers aren’t concerned about being stopped,” said Bulbach, who noted the numerous constructions projects along his street in recent years, including a newly completed building at the corner of 15th Street and Sixth Avenue, as well as a 24-story luxury tower being built just east

of that intersection. A DOT spokesperson denied granting exceptions for trucks in that manner, although he stated that the city agency does in fact issue waivers for “exceptional cases,” such as Hurricane Sandy reconstruction projects. Meanwhile, the DOT has recently said it will become more proactive in replacing street corner signage that strictly prohibits truck traffic on other streets throughout Chelsea. In a December 30 letter to CB4 — which responded to the board’s initial letter in October — the agency said that, based on a request to replace several “No Truck Traffic Signs,” its Manhattan Borough Engineering Office completed a field investigation within the Chelsea area. “As a result, repair orders were issued to replace various ‘Truck Route’ and/ or ‘No Truck Except Local Deliveries’ signage in the area bounded between Seventh and 10th Avenues and West 15th and West 34th Streets,” the lead stated. “These orders have been submitted to our sign maintenance unit for implementation.”

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The Green Table uses mostly organic and sustainable ingredients.

Chelsea Market Comes to Your Kitchen Continued from page 6 was not as good as Tuck Shop. Both plan to give it another go. Grant appreciates being in Chelsea Market, and other small business owners may feel the same way. “It’s quite inexpensive to rent from there. We only have to rent our production, and we don’t have to pay for people to sit down,” he said. More pragmatically, there is a management team that responds to technical problems, which are usually Grant’s

headache and responsibility at Tuck Shop in the East Village. “If the air conditioning breaks down, someone fixes it in five minutes. It’s up and running, and it doesn’t cost me $1,000. That’s great for business,” he added, “It’s a team of handymen fixing your problems.” “Chelsea Market Cookbook: 100 Recipes from New York’s Premier Indoor Food Hall” (by Michael Phillips with Rick Rodgers, photographs by Jennifer May) is published by Stewart, Tabori & Chang, (Hardcover, 224 pages, $29.95).

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

HOPE Needs Help Continued from page 5 A common theme among CB4 residents during the monthly meetings is the oversaturation of sports bars and clubs on the streets of Chelsea and Hell’s Kitchen. Mentioned specifically, this time, was Splosh (on Eighth Avenue near 18th Street), a self-described “Bar & Lounge, Café, Sexy Boutique” that is seeking a liquor license and World of Beer, an applicant for a sports bar of 250 capacity with 25 TVs (located on the corner of West 26th Street and 10th Avenue).

JANUARY 27 HOMELESS OUTREACH NEEDS VOLUNTEERS

CB4’s 2nd Vice Chair, Delores Rubin, spoke of the need for 3,000 volunteers to spread out among the five boroughs, and walk block to block on January 27th (from 10pm to 4am) for HOPE — the Homeless Outreach Population Estimate conducted by the New York City Department of Homeless Services (DHS). Rubin, who volunteers for HOPE every year, described it as a wonderful, spirited project that one should undertake with a friend to shorten the long night hours. The yearly survey of homeless individuals helps provide the necessary numbers for resources and housing options. For more information, or to register for the 2014 HOPE survey, click on the “HOPE logo” on the DHS homepage, or visit nyc.gov/hope/welcome.aspx.

HIGHLIGHTS FROM ELECTEDS

Three newly elected officials personally visited the CB4 meeting to start the year. CB4’s City Councilmember Corey Johnson of District 3, reported that faulty wiring and a power strip were the sources of a January 5 fire on the 20th floor of The Strand (on West 43rd Street and 10th Avenue), which claimed the life of 27-year-old Daniel McClung and critically injured his 32-year-old husband Michael Todd Cohen. The couple was overcome by smoke, while attempting to escape by way of an emergency stairwell (as opposed to staying in the apartment of their fireproof building and awaiting further instructions, which was the correct protocol for that particular incident). On January 13, Johnson stood on the steps of City Hall with a group including Cohen’s mother, former FDNY Fire Commissioner Thomas Von Essen, Assemblymember Richard Gottfried and Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer. In proposing legislation to add emergency communication systems to high-rise buildings, Councilmember Johnson noted, “The tragic death at The Strand was entirely preventable. The legislation I'm proposing will require buildings higher than six stories to have Emergency Communication Systems in stairwells, which could inform residents to either ‘stay or go.’ ” City Councilmember Helen Rosenthal of District 6 expressed her interest in working with CB4 on land use issues throughout the year. Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer once more emphasized her technology initiative, putting IT people at the dis-

Photo by Eileen Stukane

Gale Brewer, Manhattan Borough President, spoke about her initiative to put more IT people at the disposal of community boards.

posal of community boards, to help collect and organize the board’s data for increased efficiency in planning. David Baily, liaison for New York State Senator Adriano Espaillat, announced that in response to last year’s motorcycle attack on the West Side Highway, the Senator along with Assemblymember Rosa introduced four bills that would require motorcycle groups of 50 or more to register with the NYPD for a permit. Also penalties on attacks by motorcyclists would be increased, and it would be illegal for bikers to do stunt riding in traffic. In addition, Espaillat is promoting the DREAM Act for New York, especially in regard to making the Tuition Assistance Program available to every New York student who wants to go to college, regardless of his or her place of birth. This aspect of the DREAM Act has also been endorsed by Assemblymember Richard Gottfried. New York State Senator Brad Hoylman and Assemblymember Gottfried attended the opening on December 12th of Teresa’s Park (on West 39th Street, just east of 10th Avenue). Named in honor of the late Teresa Mattia, the park, a neglected area known as the Bird, was resurrected as a lovely refuge thanks to neighborhood residents, with help from small businesses, local elected officials and the Port Authority. It is one of the “key” parks in the community — green gardens and open spaces that are gated but can be opened with one key, available to all residents of CB4 from the community board. Representing Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney, Tricia Shimamura announced that the Congresswoman had introduced bipartisan legislation with Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn of Mississippi, for the creation of a Women’s History Museum. There is currently no museum that identifies women’s contributions to our nation’s history. Votes on the evening’s agenda items were easily dispatched and CB4 adjourned not too far from Berthet’s goal of 9pm.

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Dear Lovestruck:

Dear Aunt Chelsea:

I am officially in Hookup Heaven! I met this incredible guy at my friend’s party on New Year’s Eve, and we had this instant connection — and it lasted all the way into 2014, if you know what I mean! The only problem is, now that it’s been two weeks since that magical night, I haven’t heard from him. And it’s just so frustrating, because I honestly feel like I’m doing everything right. When I got home after a night at his place, I called him a few times. You know, just to check up. And then, when he didn’t call back, I swung by his building a few more times, figuring that maybe he lost his phone, or that he was busy. I couldn’t tell if he was home from where I was standing outside, so I rang his buzzer a few more times, and when that didn’t work out, I came back the next day and tried again. And, well, between then and now, I’ve been to back to his place eight more times. But we still haven’t gotten coffee at that great restaurant right next to his building, and we haven’t gotten a drink at that bar on the other side of his building. So I’m wondering: how can we get back to that blissful feeling of true love, so we can move in together, and adopt some cats? Lovestruck Lisa

I don’t know what sort of cuisine that “great place right next to his building” serves, but I hope for your sake they can whip up a potent batch of reality. Better yet, I’d recommend avoiding entirely the whole block that you’ve been meticulously surveying (or, more accurately, stalking). Face facts, Lovestruck — with no contact since that “night of magic” two weeks ago, it’s time to delete his number from your phone, stop staring at his closed drapes for signs of movement and move on with your life. Not every fling has a boomerang effect that brings your handsome suitor back to home plate — and not every one night stand turns into a full bedroom set complete with nightstand, a double bed and cats curled up between the happy couple. Now keep in mind, your old Aunt Chelsea is no prude. Although I’m pretty much retired from the dating game these days, my younger years had their share of ships that docked in the night only to part ways when the tide shifted. But I’ve always been a practical gal, so I didn’t take offense when “Mr. Last Night” didn’t put a ring on it — or, for that matter, give me a ring the next day (or the next, or the next). Morality aside, it just doesn’t seem to me that you have the emotional fortitude for the hellish side of “Hookup Heaven.” So you’re simply going to have to spend a little more time sitting with your legs crossed, in order to avoid sitting by the phone with your fingers crossed. And by the way, some of the domestic bliss you seek can be easily had, by visiting a rescue shelter and adopting a cat of your own. Good luck, honey!

“In Store for 2014”

c o s r H o o pe s

Aries Ranch dressing, Reality TV, figs, vintage jewelry and an ill-advised tweet conspire to create your most event-filled February yet. Taurus Fonzie says “Aaay!” — and so will you, as a series of April and August events see your workplace stock soar to unprecedented heights.

Gemini After being hit with cosmic rays during a full moon, your disdain of viral cat videos is reversed to the point of unhealthy obsession. Get some help!

Cancer The contents of a long-forgotten box, discovered during

spring cleaning, will launch you on a harrowing adventure filled with physical risk and spiritual reward.

Leo A September surge of ambition puts you on the long and

winding road towards realizing that dormant dream of anchoring a winning bowling team.

Virgo An uncanny ability to find hidden meaning in plot points from Season 4 of Downton Abbey allows you to wisely council a friend beset by March madness. Libra You will win a late summer dance contest and, in the process, create an easily mastered move that lifts the spirits of a weary nation. Do you have a personal problem at work, the gym, the bar or the corner coffee shop? Is there a domestic dispute that needs the sage counsel of an uninvolved third party? Then Ask Aunt Chelsea! Contact her via askauntchelsea@chelseanow.com, and feel free to end your pensive missive with a clever, anonymous moniker (aka “Troubled on 23rd Street,” or “Ferklempt in the Fashion District”).

Scorpio News reports of carefree college kids on spring break prompts you to spend a lost weekend obeying the siren call of long-dormant hobbies, habits and hairstyles.

Sagittarius Beware the iPhones of March. Wait a month, and the upgrade you covet will plummet in price. Et tu, app store?

Capricorn Where Suze Orman sees forbidden extravagance,

Mystico eyes your tax refund as the source of an indulgent splurge that yields sexy dividends. Not all profit is financial!

Aquarius The seeds of an idea planted late last year will produce a bumper crop of fresh pursuits — but only if you resist the frosty discontent of others during this winter.

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Pisces June dreams about a non-existent, late career Marx

Brothers movie will inspire you to write a screenplay that gets optioned by Paramount come September.

Janurar y 15 - 28, 2014

FAMILY PRIDE

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