April 3, 2013 CHELSEA NOW

VOLUME 5, NUMBER 15

THE WEST SIDE’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER

APRIL 3 - 16, 2013

Public to Issue Stamp of Disapproval, on Possible Post Office Sale

BY ScOTT STiFFLeR Another struggling business in Chelsea may be closing its doors and moving to more modest digs. But in this particular case, the public will at least be able to weigh in on the matter. Their concerns will be voiced, beginning at 6:30pm on Thursday, April 11. That’s when, properly motivated by overtures from Community Board 4 (CB4) and a coalition of elected

officials, representatives of the United States Postal Service (USPS) will attend a community meeting at the Fulton Auditorium (119 Ninth Avenue). The lone item on the agenda: discuss a plan to sell the Old Chelsea Station (OCS) Post Office.

Located at 217 West 18 Street, between Seventh and Eighth Avenues, OCS is on the National Register

Continued on page 4

At LGBT Forum, Mayoral Rivals Jab at Quinn

Photo by Scott Stiffler

Quoth the raven, “Nevermore” — after April 21, that is. That’s the date through which artist Will Ryman’s 12-foot high, 12-foot wide, 14-foot long sculpture will roost on the Flatiron’s Public Plaza, near 23rd St. and Broadway.

Made of 5,500 actual and fabricated nails (and inspired by Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”), Ryman says the work “is about changing the meaning of an object. A nail is cold. It’s hard. It is used to connect objects. But when it’s multiplied, and the scale altered, it goes from hard to soft, from menacing to approachable.”

Critics Poke Holes in NID Plan BY eiLeeN STUKANe The Hudson River Park Trust encountered stiff opposition to its hope for creating the city’s first neighborhood improvement district, or NID, at its final public meeting in February.

Following the guidelines used to create a business improvement district, or BID, the Trust was required to hold public meetings for community feed-

back. During the first round of hearings there wasn’t much ado, but during the second round, some significant resistance emerged.

The proposed NID area includes the 5-mile-long park, plus a two-tothree-block-wide strip bordering the park’s eastern edge, extending from Hell’s Kitchen, through Chelsea and Greenwich Village, down to Tribeca.

BY DUNcAN OSBORNe The conventional wisdom is that Christine Quinn has the queer vote sewn up in the Democratic primary for mayor, but the crowd of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender voters at a March 20 debate let the City Council speaker know that they disapprove of some of her decisions.

“I think in the Bloomberg years a lot of us started to feel that the New York City we loved was being compromised,” said Bill de Blasio, the

Initially, meetings for residents in the proposed NID were sparsely attended. Seven meetings were held with little debate until that last February meeting when a new ad hoc group, Neighbors Against The NID, presented its questions and misgivings to about 50 attendees.

Continued on page 3

5 15 CANAL ST., U N IT 1C • MAN H ATTA N , N Y 10 013 • C OPYRIG HT © 2013 N YC COM M U N ITY M ED IA , LLC

city’s public advocate, during a discussion of development policy in New York City.

“It’s been a long 12 years, it should have been eight,” he added in a jab at Quinn for orchestrating a 2008 City Council vote that altered the city’s term limits law from two four-year terms for officeholders to three. That drew loud and sustained applause from the audience.

Quinn, an out lesbian who represents Chelsea and the

Continued on page 7

editorial, talKing PointS PAGE 8

emPire quilterS PAGE 13

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April 3 -16, 2013

The Quilt as Art, with a Dash of Dance

Image courtesy of ArtQuilt Gallery and the artist

Beth Carney’s work draws on her background as a dancer.

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The ArtQuilt Gallery — New York City’s only gallery focused on contemporary art quilts — is putting its current focus on Beth Carney. In the exhibit “CHAOS & CHASMS: A Rhythmic Journey,” the artist displays selections informed by her background as a dancer. “I work in an improvisational manner,” says Carney, “exploring line, shape, color and motion to create compositions that dance.”

At The ArtQuilt Gallery (133 W. 25th St., btw. Sixth & Seventh Aves.). Open Tues.-Sat., 11am-6pm and Sun./Mon. by

appointment. “CHAOS” is on view through Sat., April 13. It’s followed by Deb Hyde’s “Sunshine and Shadow,” from April 30 through June 8. For info, call 212-807945, visit artquiltgallerynyc.com or send an email to info@artquiltgallerynyc.com.

Want more quilting?

See page 13, to read about Lakshmi Gandhi’s recent visit to the monthly meeting of Chelsea’s Empire Quilters.

April 3 -16, 2013

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Hudson Park NID’s Opponents Poke Holes in Tax Plan Continued from page 1 All property owners within the NID’s boundaries would have to pay small assessments of 7.5 cents per square foot for residents (equal to $75 annually for a 1,000-square-foot apartment) and 15 cents per square foot for commercial property owners, amounts set by the Hudson River Park NID steering committee.

Neighbors Against The NID (NATN), which was formed in Tribeca, is now focused on spreading information about the scope of the NID, which the group charges is creating “bad public policy” in asking “8,000 tax lot owners to bear responsibility for one-third of the operating costs of the largest waterfront park in America.”

According to the Hudson River Park Trust, 17 million people visit the park annually and at least 400,000 people use the park’s available sports and other recreational facilities every year. However, NATN believes that the 8,000 lots have somewhat arbitrarily been chosen to support the enjoyment of millions of park users, and that the NID is a “big experiment” that could shift the balance of civic power and put decisionmaking about a large part of Manhattan in the hands of a very few, the unelected NID board members.

Hudson River Park, which was created in 1998 with city and state funds, was designed to be financially self-sustaining. But last year ended with the park carrying a $7 million deficit. Fees from commercial leases, such as Pier 40 parking, Chelsea Piers and the Circle Line, do not bring in enough revenue to fund the park’s operating costs, a problem exacerbated by the deterioration of Pier 40 and the damage from Hurricane Sandy.

The Friends of Hudson River Park, the Trust’s fundraising arm, has proposed a plan for bringing in $10 million annually to cover maintenance and operational costs, by creating an assessment area, a NID, in which property owners in proximity to the park would be taxed. There is no doubt that the park needs help, and the NID’s supporters believe that the time is right, that the money the NID can bring in will greatly alleviate the financial shortfall, and keep the park from falling into disrepair.

The NID would stretch from West 59th Street down to Murray St., extending inland about three blocks, though exempting both the Hudson Yards, where new residential construction is now underway, and the recently residentially rezoned Hudson Square. The Friends say since Hudson Square already has a BID and Hudson Yards will be creating one, they didn’t want to tax property owners in these areas twice. However, even though Hudson Yards and Hudson Square are technically within the proposed NID boundaries — based on where the Friends report property owners have benefitted from increased values due to the Hudson River Park — these BIDs won’t be contributing to the park.

In the Village, the NID area would cover from the Hudson River shoreline east to Eighth Avenue and Hudson Street, and

from West 14th Street down to the northern edge of Hudson Square. As for how the NID’s eastern boundary was determined, A.J. Pietrantone, the Friends’ former executive director, currently a consultant to the NID steering committee, said it had to with keeping it equidistant from the Hudson River’s swerving shoreline.

Neighbors Against The NID note the proposed district jogs from about West 19th Street and Ninth Avenue over to 10th Avenue before it comes back east across West 23rd Street, avoiding a section of buildings in Chelsea’s West 20s where residents had voiced strongest opposition to the High Line’s attempted BID — a proposal that was withdrawn in 2011. That cut-over to the west, Pietrantone explained, had to do with the river’s bending shoreline, and the removal of a portion of Chelsea that opposed the High Line BID is “simply coincidence,” he said.

Justification for the tax assessment comes from an analysis of property values done by the Trust along with the Real Estate Board of New York. As reported previously in our sister publication, The Villager, a study of property values from 2003 to 2005 determined that: “Over the 16 years since the Park plan was announced, buildings in Greenwich Village have increased in value by approximately 300 percent...as compared to approximately 200 percent for Manhattan as a whole.”

However, Sarah Bartlett, one of the founders of NATN, said, “I’ve been paying more in taxes that reflect the fact that my property has increased in value. To ask me to be taxed twice for the same increase in economic value is not reasonable.”

Added Amy Johannes, another founding member of the anti-NID group, “A prominent tax that will have little oversight will be placed on a group of arbitrarily chosen neighbors. A single board will control these tax dollars. They are not elected officials controlling tax dollars.”

The NID’s supporters, though, feel the tax is small compared to the good it will do the park. The Friends assure the assessment will never increase; in fact, due to expanding development in the NID area, the Friends say the assessment may actually be reduced in the future. However, an increase, though not anticipated, is not impossible since it can be applied for in a process involving City Council approval.

A more pressing concern, though, is that such a broad swath of different neighborhoods would fall under the singular decisionmaking power of the NID governing board, which is projected to be composed of about 13 representatives of property owners and community groups, in a selection process still to be formulated.

“Here you have people who want to make a company town from West 59th Street to Murray Street. That’s horrifying,” said Nicole Vianna, another founding member of NATN Those in the Neighbors group have cited the features of various BIDs, such as in Times Square, Bryant Park and Union Square, where one can feel a corporate presence in signage and structures.

The draft of the district plan on the Trust website proposes the building of pedestrian overpasses, improving crosswalks and upgrading and beautifying the median on Route 9A, which is officially the responsibility of the state Department of Transportation, plus the NID’s ability to have “user rights” in a neighborhood.

Jeff Aser, Friends’ project associate for the NID, explained that the NID “could not just plant a tree on a street if it liked a location without going through a community board and city controls.” On the other hand, according to Friends, neighborhoods could come to the NID, which could advocate to fund studies, and work to implement community ideas for improvement.

Like all BIDs, this inaugural neighborhood improvement district would need approval by the City Council. The Friends have been following the rules for establishing a BID, under the guidance of the city’s Department of Small Business Services. BIDs are usually self-generated by businesses and property owners in a certain area — like Union Square — which decide to vote to assess themselves a special tax to improve things like sanitation services, security and parks and open spaces.

A draft of a district plan is presented and then public meetings are scheduled to discuss the plan.

The Neighbors raise the fact that the Friends held all seven public meetings before the 41-page draft of the NID’s district plan was available online on March 15. At meetings the public was provided with marketingtype brochures. However, Pietrantone said, representatives from Community Boards 1, 2 and 4 were on the NID steering committee and knew what the district plan entailed, that the plan was available on request, and the steering committee was “following the process as prescribed by the Department of Small Business Services.”

The Hudson River Park has some other funding coming, however, beyond the NID. The park is getting $2.8 million for repairs on Pier 40 as part of open-space “mitigation funds” for the Hudson Square rezoning. Another rumored possibility is a $35 million matching grant from the Diller Von Furstenberg Family Foundation for the redevelopment of Pier 54, at West 13th Street.

At present, the NID steering committee is preparing its final district plan. In the next few weeks this will be submitted to Small Business Services, which will start two files: one of “support” and the other for “opposition” to the NID. NID supporters can go online to hrpnid. org where the Friends has a form that only allows a “yes” for the NID. NID opponents can go online to nohrpnid. blogspot.com where Neighbors Against The NID is collecting signatures for a petition to stop the initiative. (The site also offers a presentation of the Neighbors’ issues.)

Opposition letters can also be sent to: Eddie Eng, Department of Small Business Services, 110 William Street, eighth floor, NY, NY 10038.

If Small Business Services (SBS) doesn’t see strong opposition to the NID, it will approve the Friends’ district plan. That plan will then be submitted to the City Planning Commission, and SBS will notify the City Council of this submission. The district plan then goes for review to the community boards, there are public hearings, the borough president weighs in, and the City Council votes on it.

If the Council approves the NID, a local law is enacted and goes to the Finance Committee. The Finance Committee holds two hearings on the NID and, in between those two hearings, if property owners want to oppose the NID, objections must be made through the City Clerk. This is a complicated process that involves an owner obtaining a special form from the City Clerk, and returning it with a notarized copy of the deed for his or her property. Fifty-one percent of the district’s affected property owners must object in this manner for the NID to be halted. In an area as large as the proposed Hudson River Park NID, it’s hard to conceive of how 51 percent of property owners would organize, even if they wanted to.

Feeling most people don’t understand the issues surrounding the NID, the Neighbors group encourages affected residents to study the district plan on the Trust’s website.

As NATD’s Bartlett said, “If the NID goes through, it had better be because people know it and like it, and not because people have no idea what’s going on.”

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April 3 -16, 2013

CB4 Secures USPS Meeting on OCS Sale

We are exited to continue serving our beloved clientele our rich espresso, delectable chocolates, pastries, and savory dishes.

Photo by Scott Stiffler

No mail on Saturdays might be the least of our problems: OCS is in cue to be relocated, if the USPS has its way.

Continued from page 1

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of Historic Places. However, according to the city’s Landmarks Preservation Commission, no part of it is landmarked, neither the exterior nor the interior. The two-story, red brick, limestone-trimmed, Colonial Revival-style 1937 structure does, however, have the distinction of being one of 29 Depression-era post offices in New York City. Amply proportioned at 41,865 square feet with a lobby accentuated by a green and buff marble floor and full-height pilasters (as well as deer and bear relief panels carved by Paul Fiene), OCS is regarded by loyal customers as both a practical necessity and local aesthetic gem.

As reported in a February 7 article (in our sister publication, The Villager), it was 79-year-old Village resident Barbara Ruether who alerted others that the historic Chelsea post office was a likely candidate for the chopping block. While at OCS on January 22 to return a package ordered online, Ruether noticed a two-page letter pinned to the wall in the entrance that referred to the proposed sale of the building. A few days later, she acquired a PDF digital copy of the letter, plus the preservation covenant attached to it, and circulated it widely via e-mail.

Shortly after Villager reporter Liza BĂŠar filed her story, Congetta Chirichello, of USPS Corporate Communications,

Continued on page 19

April 3 -16, 2013

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10th Precinct Sees Rise in Burglaries, Robberies

BY RYAN BUXTON Two categories of crime rose significantly over the last 28 days in the New York Police Department’s 10th Precinct, Deputy Inspector Elisa Cokkinos told residents at the March 27 Community Council meeting.

“The bottom line for the 10th Precinct is we saw increases in some of our crimes, most specifically in burglaries,” Cokkinos told the small group of concerned residents who gathered for an update on the neighborhood’s police activity.

Burglaries accounted for the biggest rise in crime. Cokkinos said a total of 11 burglaries were reported over the 28-day period, up from only two during the previous month. Of nine incidents, two occurred at construction sites, two were truck burglaries, three took place at commercial establishments and four were committed at residences.

Several of the residential burglaries had something in common — the thieves’ work was made easier by faulty security measures. “For the residential [burglaries], it was broken doorknobs. The doors weren’t secured to begin with,” noted Cokkinos. She strongly recommended that residents keep an open dialogue with building management regarding safety measures.

Cokkinos emphasized that officers are serious about the uptick in crime and are working to identify all involved culprits.

“We’ve seen an increase in crime, but we have some good arrests to back that up. So the guys out there are working hard for you to keep Chelsea safe,” she assured.

One of the nine burglary cases for the month, an incident involving a boyfriend who broke into his girlfriend’s apartment, was nearing arrest at the time of the meeting. Cokkinos also mentioned two grand larceny arrests in cases where victims had their cell phones snatched from their hands on the street. (See the Police Blotter on page 10 for one such incident — with a twist.)

Police also made several arrests in rob-

Photo by Ryan Buxton

At the March 27 Community Council meeting, Deputy Inspector Elisa Cokkinos discusses a rise in burglaries and robberies.

bery cases, apprehending four suspects involved with three separate incidents.

The precinct saw eight reports of robbery over the last 28 days, which is one more than the seven that were reported the previous month.

Cokkinos also told residents that police seized two illegal “motorized bicycles” during the last 28-day period. The bikes, which are modified by adding a motor, cannot be legally registered in the city and are not permitted for use.

Cokkinos noted that it can be difficult for police to take action on these bikes, because suspects are in the clear if they pedal the bike themselves and the motor isn’t the only propelling mechanism.

“They are illegal in the city, but if they’re powered by the person on it, if they’re pedaling it, we have to observe them not powering it for a certain amount of time,” she said, adding that officers know to keep a watchful eye to try and catch the cyclers who aren’t pedaling.

One concerned resident spoke with

Cokkinos about bicyclists on 8th Avenue and 25th, 26th and 27th Streets who sometimes ignore traffic flow. “They don’t care who’s in their way,” the woman said. Cokkinos assured her that officers are working on the problem, noting

that police issued 43 bicycle summonses over the last month — many of which were for infractions by those on delivery bikes. When the resident commented that bicycle issues will only get worse as spring weather approaches, Cokkinos said they will continue to address the issue as effectively as possible.

Cokkinos also updated attendees on the efforts to keep bus stops clear. After residents at the January Community Council meeting complained that cars and delivery trucks were blocking bus stops and curbs, police took action. Cokkinos reported that in the past 28-day period, 55 bus stop summonses had been issued (only slightly fewer than the 63 summonses officers wrote in February).

The short meeting concluded on a festive note, with Cokkinos wishing attendees happy holidays during Passover and Easter. She concluded the meeting with an optimistic look to the future: “We’re going to do good things. Spring is coming, so we’re going to take the rest of the year on strong.”

The next Community Council takes place on Wednesday, April 24, at 7pm, at the 10th Precinct (230 W. 20th St., btw.

7th & 8th Aves.). For complete information on the 10th and 13th Precincts, see the Police Blotter (page 10).

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April 3 -16, 2013

Community Activities MUSIC IN CHELSEA PRESENTS THE CONNECTICUT LITTLE SYMPHONY The popular Music in Chelsea series returns — with the return of Connecticut Little Symphony. Maxim Pakhomov (piano), Dorothy Darlington (oboe), Kerry Walker (flute), Ray Guier (horn), Janet Atherton (clarinet), Rosemary Dellinger (bassoon), Cheryl Lebrecque (cello) and Rich Zurkowski (bass) will perform a program whose selections include “Eight Russian Folk Songs” (Op. 58) by Liadov, “Grande Polonaise Brilliante” (Op. 22) by Chopin and “Pictures at an Exhibition”

by Mussorgsky. Sun., April 7 at 4pm.

At St. Peter’s Church (346 W. 20th St., btw. Eighth & Ninth Aves.) Admission: Suggested donation: $10 ($5 for students/seniors). Proceeds will benefit the Food Pantry at St. Peter’s. For info, call 212-929-2390 or visitstpeterschelsea.com.

THE CHELSEA WATERSIDE PARK 3 13 GFiat SEXY 4C GCN 3/11/13 3:53 PM Page 1 ASSOCIATION’S ANNUAL MEETING The public is invited to attend — beginning with a reception and refreshments, at 6pm. Then, at 6:30pm (after opening remarks and the election of officials), Madelyn Wills (president of Hudson River Park Trust) will bring

Front row, center: Marissa Shorenstein (President, AT&T New York) and Fred Fields (Chief Operating Officer, OATS), with graduates of OATS’ Job Searching in the Digital Age classes.

attendees up to date on the condition of Hudson River Park and repairs made due to Hurricane Sandy. The night’s guest speaker is Professor Malcolm Bowman, Dean of the Marine and Atmospheric Sciences Department of Stony Brook University (and the founding Director of the Stony Brook Storm Surge Research Group). Renowned in the United States and Europe for his knowledge of storm surges and the various means of protecting metropolitan areas through a combination of barriers, berms and dunes, Bowman — recently back from a week touring

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Eighth & Ninth Aves.). For more info, call 212-242-7933.

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Made possible by a $15,000 grant from AT&T, the senior participants were educated on how to search for jobs in the digital age and learn to be more tech-savvy. The classes come on the heels of the grand opening of OATS’ Senior Planet Exploration Center, the nation’s first technology-themed center for older adults (where the classes are held). For more info on the Center (located at 127 West 25th St., btw. Sixth & Seventh Aves.), call 646-590-0615 or visit seniorplanet.org.

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April 3 -16, 2013

7

Mayoral Rivals Hit Quinn on Term Extension

City Council Speaker Christine Quinn and former City Comptroller Bill Thompson.

Photos courtesy of Gay City News

Former City Councilman Sal Albanese and Public Advocate Bill de Blasio.

Continued from page 1 West Village, and de Blasio were among five contenders for the Democratic nod who spent 90 minutes debating in the 1,000-seat Mason Hall at Baruch College on East 23rd Street.

The Quinn campaign had volunteers and campaign staff outside the auditorium more than an hour before the debate, holding signs and offering Quinn stickers to attendees.

Judging by those stickers, there were plenty of Quinn partisans in the audience. The line to enter stretched nearly the length of the block from Lexington Avenue to Third Avenue.

Despite the large crowd and the presence of some Quinn critics protesting outside, predictions on social media and elsewhere that organized protests would erupt inside did not materialize.

However the candidates felt about the evening, it was a triumph for the five LGBT Democratic political clubs that sponsored the event as they showed campaigns they could draw a large crowd of potential voters, volunteers, and donors.

Quinn also took a hit during a discussion of the paid sick leave bill that was pending before the City Council. A compromise measure was announced (by Quinn, on the steps of City Hall) on March 29. The legislation, which will take effect on April 1, 2014, will initially require companies with 20 or more employees to provide five days of paid sick leave. Over an 18-month rollout, that minimum threshold will be reduced to 15 employees. Even companies that are not covered by the legislation must, as of next April, allow their workers five days of sick leave, paid or unpaid, without repercussion on their employment status.

De Blasio, John Liu (the city’s comptroller), Bill Thompson (the former comptroller) and Sal Albanese, who represented a Brooklyn City Council district from 1983 to 1998, all said they supported the bill and chastised Quinn for stalling it.

“I support the concept of paid sick leave,

but not this bill in its current formation,” Quinn said. “It’s not a question for me of if, it’s a question of when.”

That comment was greeted with loud boos, but also applause. Quinn’s view, at the March 20 forum, was that the bill would add an additional financial burden on small businesses at a time when they are already suffering in a laggard economy. She said her office was weighing which measure to use — for example, falling unemployment over some number of months — to decide when to implement the benefit.

“Speaker Quinn, you need to stop blocking this bill right now,” Thompson said.

In a particularly biting comparison, Albanese recalled that the bill he supported that added sexual orientation to the city’s antidiscrimination law was kept off the floor for 15 years by Thomas Cuite, then the Council’s leader, before its 1986 enactment under his successor.

“That’s how the gay rights bill was bottled up for years and years,” Albanese said. “It should be debated and it should be voted on and members should not be terrified.”

The debate also showcased the wonkier side of three of the candidates. Quinn, de Blasio, and, to an extent, Thompson came armed with facts and knowledge of city law while Liu, who was 30 minutes late for the debate, and Albanese tended to give more general answers.

During a discussion of a proposed city law that would create an inspector general to oversee the police department — something that four of the five candidates support — Quinn said the Council would be doing all it could in that bill. Any such post would have to fall under mayor control, she said.

“You need to have a structure in law to monitor the police department,” she said. “This is the farthest we could go legally… By law, we cannot diminish the mayor’s powers.”

There are inspectors general for most city agencies in the Department of Investigation (DOI).

In an apparent poke at Quinn, Albanese said the City Council could monitor the police, but was not doing that.

“I think the City Council has the power to do the job if they have the courage to do the job,” Albanese said. “If you think the DOI commissioner is independent of the mayor, I can sell you the Brooklyn Bridge…This is just cosmetics.”

The candidates also agreed on many issues.

The Bloomberg administration has known since 2006 that new HIV infections are increasing among young, African-American gay men, and other data suggest that new HIV infections are increasing among white and Latino gay men. City Hall has consistently cut HIV prevention dollars.

The candidates agreed that funds for HIV prevention should be increased and they agreed that $12 million to fund programs for homeless youth, including queer youth, should be baselined, or made a permanent part of the city’s annual budget, and then increased incrementally each year.

“The city has a moral responsibility to make sure these kids are not out on the streets,” Albanese said.

“This is an issue that is so profoundly defining about who we are as a city,” said Quinn.

During a closing round of questions that required the candidates to answer yes or no,

a rule that they tended to violate, Quinn and Albanese said that churches should be barred from holding worship services in city schools.

De Blasio was the only candidate who promised to ban horse-drawn carriages and who supported the Bloomberg administration ban on the sale of large soft drink portions in restaurants.

All five agreed that the city had not done enough to address a meningitis outbreak among gay and bisexual men, that a state ban on surrogacy services contracts should be overturned, and that using condoms as evidence in criminal prosecutions should be barred. They also committed to pressing for a state cap on rents facing people living with AIDS that has been fought by the Bloomberg administration.

The debate was sponsored by the Gay & Lesbian Independent Democrats, the Jim Owles Liberal Democratic Club, the Lambda Independent Democrats of Brooklyn, the Lesbian & Gay Democratic Club of Queens, and the Stonewall Democrats of New York City. Our sister publication, Gay City News, was also a sponsor (editor Paul Schindler moderated the debate).

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April 3 -16, 2013

editorial

Quinn on the Spot At a March 20 candidates forum sponsored by Gay City News, our sister paper, the five Democrats running for mayor spent 90 minutes with hundreds of members of the LGBT community, and the results were encouraging for those hoping to move critical LGBT needs to the top of the city’s agenda in the next four years.

The candidates uniformly showed a detailed understanding of issues such as homeless youth, AIDS housing inequities, the city’s faltering commitment to HIV prevention, the state ban on gestational surrogacy contracts, and the spike in potentially deadly meningitis cases among gay and bisexual men. They also acknowledged that abuse in the New York Police Department’s stop-and-frisk practices is a queer issue –– whether it involves the targeting of transgender women and LGBT youth of color or the false arrests of gay men in video stores.

In a forum of this sort, the greatest attention inevitably focuses on the purported frontrunner –– in this case, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn. The fact that a vocal minority within the LGBT community has, in recent years, targeted the woman who could become the city’s first openly lesbian or gay mayor for harsh criticism gave this event particular political resonance. The media was watching to see if she would stumble on her home court.

To be sure, some of the criticisms Quinn’s opponents leveled at her –– particularly regarding her refusal at the time to endorse paid sick leave legislation now pending in the City Council –– struck a chord with many audience members. Public Advocate Bill de Blasio and former City Comptroller Bill Thompson proved particularly adept at eliciting crowd encouragement for their volleys against the speaker.

That said, it is also true that Quinn earned the warmest and most enthusiastic applause from the audience at the conclusion of her opening and closing statements.

It actually appeared that some audience members both applauded the Council speaker and then jumped in to second certain criticisms thrown her way.

Quinn is clearly a potentially history-making figure. At the same time, many progressives who have known her over the past two decades were befuddled by her resistance (since reversed) on sick leave, a posture they viewed as fundamentally at odds with her political roots.

In the current political season, that issue had become something of a proxy for other nagging doubts that have emerged over the seven years of her speakership –– misgivings that coalesced most dramatically when she offered Mayor Bloomberg indispensible Council support for his efforts to run for a third term in 2009.

At the forum, she was at pains to emphasize that paid sick leave is not a question of if — it’s a question of when (that “when” came to pass just over a week later). On March 20, however, Quinn continued to assert that the economy was simply too soft to impose a new government mandate whose effect would be felt primarily by small businesses.

Among the other candidates, de Blasio and Thompson emerged at last week’s forum as the most plausible alternatives, and former Councilmember Sal Albanese, in the role of a truth-teller, burst the many bubbles created by pretty words. Comptroller John Liu arrived a half hour late and unfortunately never seemed to find his footing.

For now, though, Quinn seems a comfortable frontrunner. And she will rightly enjoy all the weighty burdens of that position as the campaign heats up.

This editorial is reprinted from a slightly longer version that first ran in Gay City News.

Hudson River Park Must Generate More Revenue

TALKING POINT

By Diana L. Taylor, Robert K. Steele, Paul A. Ullman, Pamela Frederick, Franz Leichter, Jeffrey Kaplan and Lawrence B. Goldberg Over the last 18 months, the Hudson River Park Trust hosted a series of task force meetings attended by all the local elected officials or their representatives and many experienced urban planning experts, representatives of the three community boards and other community groups, environmental experts and parks professionals. These meetings were highly structured, transparent and thoughtfully designed to find common ground with respect to the park’s challenges and needed changes to the Hudson River Park Act, which created and governs the park.

The Trust board strongly urges our local political leadership to allow the park act to be significantly amended.

The original idea behind the creation of the park was that public money would create it and commercial revenue would sustain it. And the city and state have been incredibly generous to the park over the last 13 years, funding nearly $350 million in capital construction.

But it is important to understand the scale of the task.

With five miles of property, we still have a long way to go to fulfill the promise of creating the park in all the communities it serves. We have forecast that we will need an additional $15 million per year to support the park’s operations and capital maintenance by 2022, and another $250 million to actually complete the park — not including additional ball fields on Pier 40.

Despite the many good ideas generated during these many meetings, the idea to allow residential development at Pier 40 dominated the conversation. The political battle associated with this one potential revenuegenerating use eclipsed the progress we made on other possible changes to the park act, and obscured the point

EVAN FORSCH

of the original discussion — which is that the park is not generating enough revenue to maintain itself.

The critical benefit residential development brings is that it generates the most revenue while occupying the smallest footprint, with vastly less vehicular and foot traffic impact than any alternate use. It was because of this combination and the failure of past high-impact proposed uses that a community group, the Pier 40 Champions, invested in a concept plan and came up with a novel approach that no one else had considered.

However, we do not wish to see the conversation halted over one specific use. We seek a productive environment where good ideas and their financial and cultural impacts can be intelligently discussed. We want and need to hear from our local elected officials about what ideas they believe can work and what should be done to secure the future of the park. If our state or city representatives really believe that government should be responsible for funding the upkeep and repairs required, then our representatives need to work with us to create or identify that funding stream. The recent announcement of open space money allocated from the Hudson Square rezoning for Pier 40 future repairs was a useful and very welcome step in the right direction.

The Trust board has undertaken revenue-generating initiatives both directly and indirectly through our fundraising partnership with Friends of Hudson River Park.

We have high hopes for private fundraising and volunteer involvement, and Friends have already demonstrated their dedication by raising (post-Sandy) more than $300,000 to repair the playground at Pier 25 in Tribeca.

Our initiatives also include asking the neighbors of the park to support a neighborhood improvement district (NID), where residential and commercial property owners along the length of the park would contribute a small amount to the annual care of this great asset to us all. We ask for community support since this idea ultimately rests with a decision by the City Council.

The Trust board strongly urges our local political leadership to allow the Hudson River Park Act to be significantly amended. It is only with flexibility within the act that the park can get the most revenue from our designated commercial nodes, thereby allowing us to create and maintain the most field space and the most open parkland for all of our West Side neighbors.

We have been trying very hard to find real solutions.

The problem is simple: We do not have enough money coming into the park to maintain it. But the solution is not so simple. We look to our elected leaders and our community to work with us to find a path forward sensibly and cooperatively.

The signees are all members of the Hudson River Park Trust board of directors

April 3 -16, 2013

Chelsea Loses voting Power in City Council Redistricting Plan talKing Point

BY ANDRew BeRmAN The City Council has just adopted its decennial redistricting plan. Unfortunately, Chelsea residents were seriously shortchanged, and as a result, their voting power and influence over the Council may be significantly diluted over the next ten years.

This could have real consequences. The City Council is the main way local communities have a voice and vote in city government. The Council adopts budgets, enacts laws and has final say over virtually all major land-use issues in our neighborhoods.

The Council has 51 members, and following each Census, new lines are drawn determining the boundaries of each district that gets to elect one representative. How legislative district lines are drawn can have a tremendous impact on who is elected and whose interests are represented.

For instance, manipulation of the redistricting process is largely credited with allowing Republicans to maintain a comfortable majority in Congress in the 2012 election, even though a million fewer votes were cast for GOP candidates than Democrats.

In the New York State Senate, Republicans have notoriously manipulated the redistricting process over the years. They have consistently “packed” Democratic voters into districts with the largest number of residents legally possible, thus minimizing the number of representatives they can elect, and placed Republican voters into districts with the fewest number of legally allowable residents, maximizing the number of representatives they can elect.

While there may not have been partisan manipulation of the City Council redistricting process, similar methods granted greater weight and representation to residents of some parts of the city than others — Chelsea got the short end of the stick.

Under the redistricting, the new Third Council District, containing all of Chelsea, Hell’s Kitchen, the West Village, as well as some surrounding areas, will have a population of 168,556 — the most of any of the 51 Council districts in the city.

By contrast, under the same plan, the new 51st Council District on the South Shore of Staten Island would have a mere 153,553 residents; the new 11th Council District in the northwest Bronx would have just 153,044 residents; and the new 23rd Council District in northeastern Queens would be the least populous in the entire city, with just 152,767 residents, or about 10 percent fewer than the Third Council District.

And yet each of these districts will get one seat, and therefore one vote, on the City Council. So while 152,767 people gets you one seat on the City Council in northeastern Queens, it only gets you about nine-tenths of a seat on the West Side of Manhattan, requiring an additional 16,000 people to qualify for a City Council representative. Thus, each Chelsea resident’s

vote for City Council has about 10 percent less impact, and each Chelsea resident gets 10 percent less representation in the City Council, than does their counterpart in northeastern Queens, southern Staten Island, or the northwest Bronx.

How is this possible, given the Constitution’s guarantee of one person-one vote?

The City Charter does allow a maximum deviation of 10 percent between the most and least populous of Council districts. The Charter also says that district boundaries should be compact, keep “communities of interest” intact, and where possible avoid crossing borough lines. When achieving these goals is difficult or impossible with 51 districts of the exact same population, some wiggle room is allowed.

However, none of these goals appear to be served by “packing” the Third Council District with so many people, while drawing the boundaries of some other districts, such as the 23rd and the 51st, with so few.

But perhaps even more disconcerting is the effect this plan will have on the voting power of Chelsea residents over the next decade, until the next redistricting.

Since the last census, Chelsea and the rest of the Third Council District collectively had the highest population growth rates in the city, due largely to enormous amounts of new residential construction.

This substantially higher growth rate (about 15 percent, as compared to about two percent for the rest of the city) can reasonably be expected to continue until the next redistricting.

Why? Ironically, because of actions taken by the very same City Council that approved this redistricting plan — rezonings of

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The proposal includes a $100 million increase for the AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP), a $5 million dollar increase in the Housing Opportunities for People With AIDS

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the Hudson Rail Yards, West Chelsea, Hell’s Kitchen, Hudson Square, and the former St. Vincent’s Hospital. All are within the Third Council District, and will result in the construction of thousands and thousands of new apartments.

This means that before the next redistricting comes around, the Third Council District may well have 20 or even 30 percent more residents than other Council districts in the city, and yet will still have the same one vote. Its residents would then have 20 to 30 percent less voting power, or 20 to 30 percent less representation in the City Council, than New Yorkers in other parts of the city.

Of course redistricting cannot and should not be based on predictions of population change; if it were, you can only imagine what kind of additional manipulation might take place. However, this very reasonable expectation that the Third Council District will continue to grow at a much faster rate than the rest of the city provides all the more reason why it should not also be the most packed of the city’s 51 districts.

It’s particularly unfair to disadvantage one area of the city so markedly in terms of voting power when it’s quite likely that imbalance will only grow dramatically over the next ten years — more so than in any other part of the city.

Now the only thing standing between this plan and implementation is Department of Justice review under Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act. But given that provision’s very narrow focus on race and language group discrimination, it may not provide any relief. If so, for the next decade, Chelsea residents will unfortunately face a thumb on the scale working against them in the voting booth and at the City Council.

The New & Improved

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April 3 -16, 2013

PoliCe Blotter CPCS: His beef, a bitter pill to swallow A 47-year-old male was arrested by uniformed officers of the 10th Precinct at around 10pm on Sat., March 16 — when he was caught attempting to flee the premises of Western Beef Supermarket (431 W. 16th St., btw. 9th & 10th Aves.).

Criminal Possession of a Controlled Substance was the charge — and that wasn’t referring to the $163 worth of beer and miscellaneous meats he was caught with. The changes stemmed (and stuck) from the 51 Xanax pills found in the perp’s back pocket. Arresting officers noted the buzzed beef thief didn’t have a prescription for the anti-anxiety tablets (or a shopping list for the meat).

Petty Larceny: Long arm of law nabs leggings thief Here’s hoping he at least had the svelte form to pull it off. A 22-year-old male was arrested just before 4pm on Sun., March 24 — shortly after he was caught red-handed, with two pairs of navy blue leggings that had been swiped off the shelves of American Apparel (181 8th Ave.), and placed in the would-be-fashionable lad’s book bag.

Grand Larceny: Grabbed from behind (the couch)

resident of Queens might have been asking herself — when, at 3:30am on Sat., March 23, she discovered that her handbag was missing. The victim (definitely clueless, and perhaps tipsy) left her bag on a couch, turned her back, and ten minutes later turned around to discover the bag missing. Her complaint noted that a canvass of the popular nightclub (Marquee, at 289 10th Ave.) was not conducted, perhaps since the crime happened so close to last call — by which point one supposes the bag’s contents were long gone. Missing, and not recovered: an iPhone, valued at $700. Total losses: $1,040.

Grand Larceny: Scammed at the cellular level At around 9:30am on Mon., March 25, a 39-year-old Times Square area resident was approached by a young

CASH FOR GUNS $100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.

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man who forcibly removed an iPhone (valued at $250) from her hands. As the perpetrator left the scene, the victim was approached by another man — who assured her he could get her phone back (if she gave him money). Based on a description, a canvass of the nearby area was conducted, which led to the apprehension of the for-profit Good Samaritan. The phone thief, however, was not found.

—Scott Stiffler

THE 10th PRECINCT Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. 7th & 8th Aves.).

Deputy Inspector: Elisa Cokkinos. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-7418226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-741-8210.

Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meeting, open to the public, takes place at 7pm on the last Wed. of the month.

THE 13th PRECINCT Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.).

Deputy Inspector: Ted Bernsted. Call 212-4777411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-477-3863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411.

Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meeting takes place at 6:30pm on the third Tues. of the month.

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‘BumPer’ CroP oF CrimeS • A gray 2012 BMW two-door sedan was parked in front of 505 W. 37th St. at 7pm on Sat., March 23. Its owner placed a bumper guard on the vehicle. When she returned (just after midnight), the vehicle’s license plate and bumper guard were missing.

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sedan parked in front of 445 W. 23rd St. at approximately 3pm on Sun., March 24. She returned a short time later, with groceries in tow — to find her front bumper was hanging off the car. There were no witnesses to the crimes (leaving the scene and property damage), and no cameras available at the scene. A canvass of the area, by officers, produced negative results.

April 3 -16, 2013

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chelsea: arts & ENTERTAINMENT

Bed Notches and Groomsticks

Eisenberg’s autobio a love letter to doing it before the I Do’s unscathed from her own well-calibrated bullshit detector.

Long before her bed notches reach the double digits, readers who can see beyond the sex on the beach, the sunburns and the social disease scares will realize that this relentless collection of hook-ups and hangovers is really about the rewards of

BOOKS SCREW EVERYONE: SLEEPING MY WAY TO MONOGAMY

Barely a page goes by where sex and pleasure aren’t front and center, described in frank and occasionally graphic detail — usually leavened with crackling observations that are more anthropologic than pornographic.

BY OPHIRA EISENBERG Seal Press (sealpress.com) $16 Visit ophiraeisenberg.com NPR’s “ASK ME ANOTHER” LIVE TAPING Mon., April 8, 7:30pm At The Bell House, Brooklyn, NY 149 Seventh St. (btw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.)

For tickets ($10), amatickets.org THE “SCREW EVERYONE” BOOK PARTY Thurs., April 25, 7-9pm At Housing Works Bookstore Cafe 126 Crosby St., btw. Houston & Prince Sts.

BY SCOTT STIFFLER She may have a nice, seemingly normal second act existence — living in Brooklyn with her supportive husband and adorable dog — but don’t think for a minute that Ophira Eisenberg has gone soft or settled down.

While the more timid among us are doomed to look in the rearview mirror only to see roads not taken, Eisenberg will be living for years off the worldly confidence one can only get after gingerly hopping from bed to bathtub to the occasional sleazy hotel countertop.

Voyeurs, virgins, prudes and dudes will all find something to recoil from and admire, under the covers of “Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy.”

You could be forgiven for glancing at that title and assuming Eisenberg’s autobiography is just a series of DWI

Image courtesy of the publisher

Howdy, Doo-Me: Ophira’s autobio is a fast read about her randy road to long-term commitment.

(Dating While Intoxicated) misadventures. But “Screw Everyone” is more than a coming of age story (although there’s some of that) and more than a barfly confessional (there’s plenty of that). Like the author, the book slowly reveals itself to be in possession of a solid moral foundation.

That said, barely a page goes by where sex and pleasure aren’t front and center, described in frank and occasion-

ally graphic detail — usually leavened with crackling observations that are more anthropologic than pornographic.

Fortunately, this teen-to-thirtysomething tale is the work of a professional stand-up comic. So every potential suitor gets the sharp evaluation, and witty punchline, he deserves — while the author (a Village comedy club and Moth story slam veteran who hosts NPR’s game show “Ask Me Another”) never emerges

putting it out there and taking chances, without the crippling burden of shame — or the desperate end game goal of settling down just because you don’t want to be alone.

Why, some of the life lessons Eisenberg accrued in the sack actually translate into helpful etiquette and esteem tips for the sober and the celibate! Straight guys will learn more about what women really want by reading this book than indulging in a lifetime of locker room brag sessions (or Lifetime movies).

“Call me an enthusiastic consenter, or a fairly responsible hedonist,” says our conquering hero, “but sleeping around was often a by-product of getting what I wanted.” Right after proclaiming that she “never set out to be a slut,” Eisenberg hits it right on the head, so to speak, when she reasons, “I just thought I was being nice.”

She certainly was.

Even when knee-deep in tales of vomit, meth addict sex partners, neararrests and lesbian flings, Eisenberg rarely disavows her often ill-advised choices.

She wears her mistakes and her triumphs equally well — badges of pride that look damn good on her, just like the wedding dress she ends up in by the book’s final chapter.

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April 3 -16, 2013

Immediate, Uncompromising and Socially Conscious Ego Actus explores technology, teen bullying and fighting back THEATER I KNOW WHAT BOYS WANT

Written by Penny Jackson Directed by Joan Kane Presented by Ego Actus Through April 13 Thurs. through Sat. at 8pm Matinees Sat. at 3pm Talkback with neuroscientist Heather Berlin on April 11 At WorkShop Theater 312 W. 36th St., 4th Fl., btw. 8th & 9th Aves.

For tickets ($18), 800-838-3006 or brownpapertickets.com Visit egoactus.com

BY MARTIN DENTON (of nytheatre.com & indietheater.com) Bullying is a hot topic these days, and with good reason. Most of the theater work I’ve come across that deals with this subject has been focused on victims. But what if a bullied teen found an effective way to fight back? And better still — what if that bullied teen was a girl?

That’s the idea behind Penny Jackson’s new play, “I Know What Boys Want.”

It’s being presented by Ego Actus, a relatively new but extremely prolific and energetic theater company run by director Joan Kane and theatrical jack-of-all-trades Bruce A! Kraemer (the exclamation point

is not a misprint, and tells you a lot about this guy, believe me).

Here’s what Kane says their latest project is about: “‘I Know What Boys Want’ is about a girl named Vicky who refuses to be a victim of a bully, when he makes her the sensation of the Internet by posting a video of her having sex with her boyfriend.

It is also about a group of teens who are rudderless, in that their parents are not involved in their lives and they have no one to help them navigate the rocky waters of adolescence.” Kraemer adds: “I think it is about the pervasiveness of technology in society today. We used to be afraid of Big Brother government watching everything we did. It turns out that ‘little brother’ is much more dangerous to privacy.”

Intrigued? I know I am. The first collaboration of Jackson, Kane and Kraemer — also produced by Ego Actus, at the 2012 Planet Connections Theatre Festivity — was a play called “Safe,” about a teenage girl who decides to start a relationship with a much older man she meets in a Starbucks.

“Safe” went on to win the Best Playwriting Award at the Festivity, and was published on Indie Theater Now shortly thereafter. It will be heading to the Edinburgh Fringe this August, following a short engagement at 59E59 as part of their East to Edinburgh Festival. Not a bad showing for a writer’s first produced play!

Jackson told me, “I'm very interested in how today’s generation of girls are turning their back on feminists like Gloria Steinem and are creating what is known as ‘the third wave of feminism,’ referred to as ‘grrl,’ where they feel proud of displaying their sexuality.” She’s been a theater fan since she was 16, when she saw a Tom Stoppard play in the back of a pub. “I knew then that theater can be truly magical and transformative.” Her work, immediate, uncompromising and socially conscious, certainly strives to awaken people to issues they may not have thought much about, and maybe even change some minds.

Photo by Kacey Anisa

Left to right: Sara Hogrefe & Dara O'Brien.

Jackson is on record as saying that Kane is her mentor. “She taught me how to write a play,” Jackson says, “how to focus on characters and motivation, and to emotionally connect to an audience.”

Jackson has chosen wisely: Kane has been involved in theater for more than four decades, first as an actor and dancer and then as a founding member of the all-female company Lupa Productions — where she directed plays, readings, sitespecific and devised works. In 1978, Joan met Bruce at a dress rehearsal of a production of “Platonov,” which she was acting in and he was lighting. Kane says, “Bruce got into an argument with the director and quit a show for the only time in his life. A few days later we saw each other in a bar and I told him that the show was lousy. He was delighted.”

They became partners in life, and after their children grew up, they decided to become partners in a new theater company, Ego Actus (“my way” in Latin), which they founded in 2009. “We wanted to create a company where artists could create and produce their art using whatever technique they were comfortable creating in,” Kane explained. “There are a variety of different techniques of producing a work of art and one way is not better than another way. We wanted all artists to be respected and cherished.”

I met Kane and Kraemer in 2011, when they were presenting the first NYC revival of Saviana Stanescu’s terrific play “Aliens With Extraordinary Skills.” Kane and Kraemer’s work on this piece was exemplary, and as I am very familiar with

Saviana’s work, they invited me to do a talkback after one of the performances. I was immediately impressed by their seriousness, their craft, and their fearlessness.

In a city where too many indie theater companies cover the same ground over and over again (mining the classics and a small passel of popular new plays), Kane and Kraemer seek out challenging work that is relevant to audiences and very likely unfamiliar to them as well. It’s through them that I got to know Jackson, and I will be excited to meet whatever other new writers they may happen to discover in the future.

Once “Boys” is finished, Kane and Kraemer will be presenting Kraemer’s play “what do you mean” at this year’s Planet Connections Festivity, and a revival of Kate Fodor’s provocative “100 Saints You Should Know” at Urban Stages. Then they’re off to Edinburgh with Jackson and “Safe.” They’re planning another new show in November at Theater for the New City, a co-production with Scandinavian American Theatre Company of the play “More” by award-winning Norwegian playwright Maria Tryti Vennerod. Jackson has a new play in the works called “Lay Me Down,” which is “about a family that is shattered when the father of an autistic son decides to abandon his wife and child.”

Yep, it’s a lot to take in. One can only admire the energy and dedication that these three artists bring to the NYC theater scene. In the meantime, check out “I Know What Boys Want,” which is sure to provide an unusual and thought-provoking perspective on a pervasive problem.

April 3 -16, 2013

13

Empire Quilters Crafts a Pattern of Common Goals, Good Causes Monthly meetings a chance to forge friendships, build skills

BY LAKSHMI GANDHI On the second Saturday of each month, quilters from all over the Tri-State Area gather at the Church of the Holy Apostles to share tips, take classes and show off of their newlycompleted pieces.

Empire Quilters began in 1982 as a way for Manhattan quilting enthusiasts to learn from one another. It quickly grew into one of the largest and most well-known guilds in the country, and now has about 200 members. Quilters drive to the church (296 Ninth Avenue, at 28th Street) from as far as Connecticut for the opportunity to mingle with fellow artisans and learn unique techniques from visiting lecturers.

Arline Rubin has been attending Empire Quilters meetings for the last decade. “I’m always picking up news and tips at the meetings,” said Rubin, who lives on 12th Street and has been quilting for 30 years. Rubin has also led workshops for other members, the last of which was on making button pins.

Paula Kenney, the guild’s current president, has been part of the Empire Quilters community for 14 years. She says the most satisfying part of working with the group is “watching it grow, watching various people develop their skills.”

Kenney adds that she believes people are drawn to this guild in particular because of the wide variety of classes and opportunities.

Members regularly go on trips to quilt shows, museums and fairs, and organizers work hard to find compelling speakers.

A visit to a recent meeting found guild members browsing through several stalls, as shoppers examined different patterned fabrics and tools for sale. In another corner, a small group of quilters sat around a table, discussing patterns from a workbook. Others sipped coffee or tea as they caught up with each other and flipped through books of patterns that were brought in from the Guild’s extensive library.

Ohio transplant Lisa Belle has been coming to Empire Quilters meetings since she first moved to New York City 13 years ago. The Harlem resident, who told Chelsea Now she enjoys the meetings for both the camaraderie and the opportunity to sharpen her skills, is part of a small group that gathers at each meeting to try an assigned quilting block from the designs of noted quilter Jennifer Chiaverini.

“It is a creative outlet for me and for a lot of people here,” said Belle — who, as a child, learned to sew from her mother and grandmother. “It’s also a chance to socialize with other people who love your craft,” she said.

Many members joined the guild after searching for a hobby after retirement. Margo Dolan began quilting after taking a class in a community center shortly after she retired two years ago. A lifelong sewer, Dolan had never quilted before joining the guild. “What I really enjoy are the speakers that they have here,” she noted, recalling “a speaker that specialized in the Korean technique of bojagi and really expanded on the technique.” Several other members said it was the variety of styles and opportunities that kept them coming to the guild.

Marisa Gonzales Hart is one of the newer members of the guild. “I tend to do art quilts

Photos by Lakshmi Gandhi

January’s guest speaker, Karen Kay Buckley, wows the crowd with her quilts (while passing on a few tips).

A Karen Kay Buckley quilt is displayed.

in an impressionistic style,” said Gonzales Hart, who noted that she often became inspired by designs she saw at the monthly meetings.

The guild’s January meeting was especially crowded because of the popularity of guest speaker Karen Kay Buckley. A noted quilter, Buckley’s designs have been featured in magazines and newsletters, and she has won several awards for her intricate designs. Buckley’s appearance was a big “get” for the Empire Quilters, and several members in attendance said they specifically came to the meeting to see Buckley in the hopes of learning some of her techniques.

Buckley did not disappoint. Several members oohed and ahhed as Buckley displayed quilt after

quilt, explaining her methods along the way.

In addition to promoting the art of quilting and allowing members to learn from one another, Empire Quilters also emphasizes charity work in its mission. Each December, members come together to put together packages for local children in need.

The Ronald McDonald House, New York Foundling Hospital and Covenant House are among the past recipients of quilts. Last year, because so many local families were affected by Superstorm Sandy, all of the gifts were sent to families affected by the storm. Guild members sent packages filled with quilts, along with small toys and candies.

“We had an assembly line,” recalled Kenney.

Shoppers scope out patterns and quilting supplies.

“Everything that could be handmade, was.”

In addition to the annual December outreach, the guild always devotes its March meeting to putting together quilts for charity.

According to Jennifer Bigelow, who is in charge of the guild’s charity work, up to 150 quilts are made during the March meeting (this year’s bounty went to local hospitals and homeless shelters). Bigelow is also the liaison between the guild and other charity projects. At the January meeting, Bigelow displayed a quilt she put together for the New York Organ Network.

Each block of the quilt represented the life of an organ donor.

Perhaps the liveliest part of each Empire Quilters meeting is the Show and Tell portion towards the end of each gathering. Show and Tell is exactly what it sounds like: an opportunity for members to share their quilts or works in progress and to explain their artistic visions. Other community members are supportive throughout, clapping, giving feedback and taking pictures.

Many of the members say they are grateful for the opportunity to celebrate quilting, a skill many consider to be a lost art. But at least one member of the guild says practicing that art in Chelsea does have one major disadvantage.

“Quilting is a stupid hobby for anyone who lives in an apartment,” said longtime Empire Quilters member Lee Ebbs. “We don’t have room for all of the fabric we want to have, but we can’t help ourselves!”

For more information about Empire Quilters, visit empirequilters.net or send an email to info@empirequilters.net. Meetings are held the second Saturday of every month (with the next meeting scheduled for Sat., April 13), at the Church of the Holy Apostles (296 Ninth Avenue, at 28th St.). Visitors can attend the meetings for a $10 fee.

14

April 3 -16, 2013

What ‘Detoxing’ Your Body Means, and How to Do It

BY CARLYE WAXMAN RD, CDN Spring is here — and with it, the fourth month of 2013. So…how are those New Year’s resolutions going? If you’ve kept them, congratulations. If you never made any to begin with, it’s not too late. I have three of them for you, all of which will help detoxify your body:

NUMBER ONE: Eat real food.

You do not need to fast and drink vegetables, grapefruit, cabbage, or Tabasco sauce to detoxify your body.

NUMBER TWO: Be smarter.

Do not buy anything that labels itself as a “detoxifier.” Not only will you feel smarter because you didn’t buy into a gimmick that doesn’t do anything, but you’ll save yourself some money.

NUMBER THREE: Everyday foods.

Eat the seven foods listed below, every day, for the next two months — and see how you feel. If you can’t hit all seven, do better tomorrow!

Before I get into the best foods, let me explain what “detoxing” your body means. Metabolic enzymes in the body help to eliminate toxins from chemicals, pollution and poor diet, in order to keep you cleaner and healthier.

Certain foods help with this enzymatic process –– eating them more often and daily can help more than any other beverage or pill. Research suggests that instead of focusing on one “diet” (ex-cleanses that you partake in for a certain period of time), you should simply include foods into your daily diet that are known to clean out your system. Eating these foods will deliver the nutrients for your body to absorb more effectively.

2013

Photo by Carlye Waxman RD, CDN

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Garlic is a powerful nutrient that can help fight harmful substances in the body.

GARLIC

This food is thought to fight harmful free radicals in your body (which you get from pollution and cigarettes…

I love New York). Since it also thins your blood, consult a physician before overdosing on this stuff.

How to fit garlic into your day: Cook a healthy stir-fry every night or a few times per week, and reheat leftovers as a side. Always use a clove or two of garlic with your olive oil before you throw in your veggies.

SPINACH

It’s a dark green leafy vegetable, which means it has more chlorophyll. Chlorophyll assists in detoxification and helps your liver take out the bad stuff!

How to fit spinach into your day: This one is easy.

You can go to the corner store during lunch time and get yourself a big spinach salad. I’ll tell you what to throw into it later, but choose this one over the romaine and iceberg varieties.

GREEN TEA

This tea can help boost the production of the detox enzymes, specifically, Glutathione S Transferase (GST).

GST is the enzyme that helps to eliminate toxins!

How to fit green tea into your day: Afternoon slump? You’re kind of hungry and need something small to make it to dinner? Try buying a box of green tea and bring it to work with your favorite microwavable mug or to go coffee cup. Need it sweet? Add a little sugar or a Splenda. Don’t add milk, as this may ruin the effect. Have this with a small piece of scone or a mini-muffin.

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Since it’s so high in Vitamin C, it’s the best fruit for detox because it converts the toxins into digestible substances. It’s the flush on your toilet bowl, if you will.

How to fit oranges into your day: Well so far you have half a lunch, a midday snack and somewhat of a dinner prepared. Why not make this the first thing you eat in the morning? Buy a big case of clementines and keep in the fridge. Grab a couple of these babies before you head out the door and munch on them before you get to work with a bottle of water.

EGGPLANT For a compleTe calendar oF THe BarucH conFerences go To

www.baruch.cuny.edu

This big boy has anthocyanindin in the purple part (don’t skin it). Anthocyanindin is the little fighter in your

Continued on page 18

April 3 -16, 2013

15

Rent Rise Hustles Rawhide from Chelsea TALKING POINT

By SCOTT STIFFLER Outside the Rawhide, a sign above the water dish was bad news for thirsty dogs…and hungry men.

“Thank you for stopping by all these 33 years for a drink or some ice or even just a pat on the back. It has been a pleasure serving you and making sure your water was fresh and seeing all your faces every day, rain or shine.”

And with that, confirmation was given to the rumors that had been swirling for weeks in the darkened backrooms, so to speak, of cyberspace. Open since 1979 — when some of 2013’s most formidable barflies were mere pups, the Stable Mable of Chelsea gay bars (212 Eighth Avenue, at 21st Street) closed its doors for good on March 30. The culprit, in this case at least, wasn’t a declining customer base. A new landlord — and a subsequent increase in the monthly rent from $15,000 to $27,000 — did what the Internet and Grindr couldn’t accomplish.

“Unfortunately, we cannot stay in Chelsea any longer,” the sign explained to canines who, like straights, rarely entered the premises but would occasionally find themselves sniffing around the doorway. “Keep your tails wagging until we meet again,” concluded the note. Signed by “all your two-legged friends at Rawhide,” that final line gave some hope that the neighborhood institution would soon open again (although probably not in the immediate, overpriced area). That’s too bad — because with Rawhide gone, Eight Avenue loses yet another layer of queer appeal. GYM Sportsbar is the only gay man’s watering hole on the 14th to 23rd Street strip, a once-flaming patch of land that long ago reached a tipping point where the balance of power shifted from establishments like the Big Cup (Google it, young gays!) to banks, drugstores and Thai restaurants. Sure, there are 24-hour porn establishments like the The Blue Store and Rainbow Station — but without the loyal Rawhide customer base purchasing poppers and hitting the booths shortly after closing time, how long do these proud icons of classic gay life have left? And what about the Rawhide’s stable of “NYC’s Hottest Male Dancers, 8pm Every Night?” Who will stuff dollar bills in their G-strings and remove shot glasses so they can safely navigate the bar counter? Irreparable, unforgivable change has come to Chelsea.

Somebody’s getting hustled — and for once, it’s not me in the wee hours just before last call.

That’s just as well. With my apartment a mere block away, I’ve made only a handful of trips to the Rawhide over the four years I’ve lived in this specific patch of Chelsea. Proximity to a gay bar with such robust hours, I quickly learned, can be a dangerous thing…unless you’re a social butterfly, a chronic drinker or a prolific cruiser — or, lord help you, a potent combination of all three. We in the gay community have a word for that. It’s called “popular.” I was popular…once. Not for as long as the Rawhide, though. Thirty-three years is a damn good run. But like one of the three men I admire most, demise at that particular age has a way of ensuring immortality.

Photos by Scott Stiffler

David April 3 -16, 2013

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17

Despite ‘09 Funds Probe, Liu Announces Mayoral Bid

BY PAUL SchiNDLeR Pledging to be the mayor not “of the one percent, but of the 100 percent,” John Liu, the city comptroller since 2010, officially announced his candidacy to succeed Michael Bloomberg.

Liu is 46 and served eight years on the City Council representing Flushing and adjoining neighborhoods in Queens before becoming the first Asian-American citywide elected official. At his March 17 announcement in front of City Hall, the comptroller sounded a robustly populist tone, contrasting himself with the 11-year incumbent he charged has favored the rich, even as he fought back hard against the notion that his political career has been hobbled by a federal probe of his 2009 campaign. His campaign treasurer and a major fundraiser from that year face trial next month in federal court, and a former top aide, Sharon Lee, who was granted immunity from prosecution, will testify against them.

“My story is like so many other New Yorkers’ story — it started somewhere else,” Liu said, recalling that his parents brought him to New York from Taiwan when he was five. His father, he said, “took a job far beneath the job he had in Taiwan,” and as a child he often worked alongside his mother in a rag trade sweatshop in Queens.

“I don’t need to tell you that economic justice and economic opportunity have gone the way of the Checker Cab,” he said, before a crowd of hundreds of his supporters arrayed on the steps of City Hall, with several hundred more sidelined to a nearby park because they were unable to pass through the security gate surrounding the building.

Most in the crowd were fellow Asian Americans, though there were also contingents of Sikhs, Muslims, Orthodox Jews and other whites, Latinos, and African Americans, including Brooklyn City Councilman Charles Barron, the most outspoken critic on the Council of the Democratic mayoral frontrunner, out lesbian Speaker Christine Quinn.

Liu, a longtime advocate for LGBT rights, made a veiled reference to Quinn’s role in allowing the incumbent a third term when he laid blame for increasing inequality in the city at the feet of “Mayor Bloomberg and his enablers.”

“I know what it’s like to work your heart out and barely hold your head above water,” the comptroller said, recounting a story about an impoverished Chinese town that “begs the emperor to send relief,” only to be told to “tighten your belts.” The town, Liu said, responds, “Send belts.”

The comptroller suggested the controversy surrounding his 2009 campaign finance practices was payback for his aggressiveness as comptroller — in challenging “Bloomberg pet projects” including CityTime, a computerized effort to contain municipal payrolls that became mired in corruption and waste to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars, as well as the Metropolitan Transportation Authority’s practice of maintaining two sets of books.

Photo courtesy of Gay City News

City Comptroller John Liu at City Hall on March 17 announcing his bid for mayor and, later jumping into the crowd of his supporters with his wife Jenny and their son Joey.

“When you go after powerful people and rich corporations, they’re going to come after you,” Liu said. “But we are not backing down.”

If the comptroller sounded energized by the challenge of taking on his critics, signs held aloft by several supporters had a more defensive tone.

“The competition is afraid of John Liu,” read one sign. “People of honor are vilified in the news. John Liu IS A MAN OF HONOR!” In response to questions from reporters, Liu said that some had called the FBI probe of his 2009 campaign “a witch hunt.” He added, “The problem is, there’s no witch.”

Flanked by his wife Jenny and their young son Joey, the comptroller ended his announcement by pledging to “take care of the needy and take on the greedy” and to restore New York as “one city,” where people “don’t need to worry about being stopped and frisked.”

Emphasizing his work as comptroller for the past three years, Liu said, “I will be a fiscal watchdog, knowing all the while it’s not just about costs; its also about needs.”

Liu faces off against Quinn, Public Advocate Bill de Blasio, former Comptroller Bill Thompson and former City Councilman Sal Albanese in the September 10 Democratic primary. A recent poll from Quinnipiac University put Quinn at 37 percent, just shy of the 40 percent she would need to avoid a runoff, de Blasio at 14 percent, Thompson at 11 percent, and Liu at nine percent.

18

April 3 -16, 2013

Your Body Detox Plan Continued from page 14 body that beats up the bad guys that are lurking around.

How to fit eggplant into your day: Roast eggplant in half, face up and brushed with olive oil for about 45 minutes. Once it looks mushy, take it out of the oven and let it cool. Chop it like crazy and throw it into a marinara sauce in a pot on medium heat and let them get married for about 20 minutes. After, serve on top of whole wheat pasta or mixed vegetables, and sprinkle with goat cheese (I don’t know why these two go together, they just do). This dish can be reheated in so many ways, as marinara sauce tends to go on most things (chicken, spicy shrimp, garlic bread, ravioli).

Keep a large batch of it in the fridge or freezer, and get creative all week long.

EDAMAME

The isoflavones found in edamame are thought to help your body ward off cancer. There is some controversy about having too much of this antioxidant, so try to not overdose on edamame every day.

How to fit edamame into your day: Throw it in as part of your daily spinach salad. You can also add avocado, shrimp or chicken, carrots, broccoli and red pep-

pers. Try the low fat ginger dressing or low fat honey mustard, as it works well with these components. Have I hit our allowed toppings before this becomes a $15 salad?

BRUSSELS SPROUTS

Love these vegetables! Not only are they delicious and basically go as a side with everything, but they fight cancer formation. Their antioxidant glucosinolates inhibit steroid-producing hormones that produce certain cancers. This, in turn, acts as a detoxifier.

How to fit Brussels sprouts into your day: After you cleaned, trimmed and quarter them, heat in a pan with that garlic in olive oil. Cook on medium high heat and make this a side dish to accompany a lean protein at dinner. Don’t like Brussels sprouts, or got lost when I told you to use your stove? Broccoli works as an excellent alternative. Buy a frozen “steamers” bag and heat in the microwave according to directions. You can use your garlic olive oil as a dresser and add parmesan cheese to finish off the dish.

Carlye Waxman is a Registered Dietitian living in NYC. Follow her on twitter @Sweet_Nutrition or visit her at SweetNutritionNYC.com for recipe tips and inspirational facts on nutrition.

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19

Communal Stamp of Disapproval, on Possible Post Office Sale Continued from page 4 posted a reader comment on the Villager’s website, which explained the proposed sale of OCS (prefaced by her observations about the decline, in recent years, of a demand for USPS products and services). “By consolidating operations into a smaller space,” wrote Chirichello, “we save money and generate revenue from the sale at the same time. The community may also see a valuable property restored to its tax rolls once a new owner purchases and reuses the site.” Maintaining that the USPS is “not taking away service to the community,” Chirichello asserted, “we do need to move our operations that fit our operations in a smarter, more costefficient way.”

That clarity and reassurance was far from the public declaration of intent many had hoped for. On March 21, Congressman Jerrold Nadler, Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney, City Council Speaker Christine C. Quinn, Borough President Scott Stringer, State Senator Brad Hoylman and Assemblymembers Richard Gottfried and Deborah Glick issued a joint statement in which they said they were “extremely concerned by the lack of public outreach and transparency with which the USPS has operated regarding the proposed sale of the facility.” The statement went on to

note that the April 11 meeting had been scheduled only after “considerable backand-forth between elected officials and USPS, and very understandable outrage and confusion among community members.”

Speaking last week with Chelsea Now, CB4 Chair Corey Johnson recalled an appearance by USPS officials at a March 14 meeting of the Manhattan Borough Board — during which they presented on three facilities identified for relocation (OCS, the Bronx General Post Office and Peter Stuyvesant Station).

“I voiced the community’s concerns related to the lack of public notification,” said Johnson — who said that that the USPS “has tried to constitute the Borough Board meeting as a true public meeting” which would fulfill their obligation for a public review session.

Johnson further observed that although “technically, the Borough Board is an open public meeting, it does not satisfy or meet the threshold of a community meeting” — since, he noted, it took place at 8:30am on a Thursday, when many potential attendees were at, or headed, to work.

Johnson also emphasized the importance of robust public attendance and participation. “It’s our goal to get folks to weigh in and hopefully save the post office in Chelsea, through community

IMPACT DRIVEN ADVOCACY

activism,” he said. Those who cannot attend the upcoming meeting at Fulton Auditorium have only a short amount of time to coordinate their efforts.

“We are deeply disappointed that USPS, after repeated requests, has only extended its public comment period to April 26,” read the joint statement by the electeds. As is, they noted, community members have just 15 days to comment following the April 11 presentation. “USPS absurdly chose to begin its 60-day comment period on February

19, well before anyone had anything concrete on which to comment,” continued the electeds’ statement. “The extension clearly shows that USPS has discretion in this matter and we, once again, call for the full 60-day comment period to begin after the public presentation.”

Until that April 26 deadline, Johnson is urging the public to “write directly to the USPS, through the Postmaster General.

They should also copy our local elected officials and the Community Board.”

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April 3 -16, 2013

Photo by Jefferson Siegel

Roy Preston, co-owner of the Little Lebowski Shop, at 215 Thompson Street, wears his usual work garb — a bathrobe, just like The Dude — as he stands next to a cutout of Jeff Bridges, who plays the iconic character in the Coen Brothers’ “The Big Lebowski.”

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21

The Way of The Dude Abides at Lebowski Temple of Merch

BY KAmAKShi AYYAR Tucked away in a small storefront not far from Washington Square Park is a store whose owner greets customers while dressed in a bathrobe, slippers and a wolf’s hat. He isn’t hung over, just mirroring the cult film character his shop is dedicated to — Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski.

The Little Lebowski Shop, at 215 Thompson Street, is just one of many shrines, physical and spiritual, raised in the name of the 1998 Coen Brothers movie, “The Big Lebowski.” The film stars Jeff Bridges as The Dude; John Goodman as his gun-toting friend Walter, who “doesn’t roll on Shabbos”; and Steve Buscemi completing the trio as the meek Donny, constantly being told to “Shut the f--- up.”

There are hundreds of “The Big Lebowski” fan conventions held in bars and bowling alleys (The Dude’s preferred hangout) globally, including one of the largest, the annual Lebowski Fest, first held in Louisville in 2002.

What started out as a bowling party of 150 fans quickly grew into an annual pilgrimage for cinephiles from across the world, with fests being held in New York, Las Vegas, San Francisco and even Edinburgh and London.

For the more spiritual devotees there is the Church of the Latter Day Dude, which advocates the religion of Dudeism. The church’s website describes the religion as follows: “Kick back with some friends and some oat soda and whether you roll strikes or gutters, do your best

to be true to yourself and others — that is to say, abide.” If you’re so inclined, you can even get ordained as a Dudeist minister and join the already initiated 150,000 brothers.

“I’ve learned to let my inner Dude hang out,” said Roy Preston, 40, describing his life’s mantra after his experience over the last five years.

With his Buddha-like smile and come-what-may aura, he seems to be the embodiment of everything Lebowski. But this wasn’t always the case.

Five years ago, Preston and his business partner opened a children’s bookstore at the current site.

“I wanted to be a tight-ass in a suit selling kids’ books to yuppie parents,” he said. But fate had other ideas.

The recession hit soon after the store opened, and Washington Square Park, a block north, was closed for renovation, reducing area foot traffic to practically nothing. After sinking into debt, the partners decided to try running a souvenir store and a comic book store, both of which failed miserably.

Preston lost his house in Red Bank, NJ, and was living in the back of the store, with a few comic books bought from the Forbidden Planet shop to fill up his shelves for company. After receiving an eviction notice from the store landlord, he said, “If we’re going to get evicted we might as well go out having fun.” And so he filled his store with pop culture memorabilia, including “The Big Lebowski” T-shirts, which turned out to be the best sellers.

That’s when his partner and he decided to dedicate the shop solely to the movie. He put a cutout of The Dude outside the store, created a bowling lane in the changing room and started wearing his robes and slippers to work every day.

After he ensured that the store had its fair

‘It was a series of random circumstances where terrible things led to good things — kind of like the movie.’

Roy Preston share of rugs (the root cause of all The Dude’s troubles in the movie), all that was missing was White Russians, The Dude’s poison of choice, which Preston, after much experimentation, learned reduced his alertness. Instead he tried to complete the Lebowski experience by covering the walls with quotes from the movie (“That rug really tied the room together”), and even framing a letter left on his front door by a drunk patron who thought this was “seriously

the greatest idea for a store I have ever come upon.”

And it works. At first, customers walk into the store with puzzled looks, curious about the owner’s attire. But a few minutes later they start to nod knowingly and smile. Preston loves it because everyone who visits the store is in a good mood.

“It’s just like hosting a party,” he said. “All I have to do is smile and be nice.”

Even the way the store gained its fame is a coincidence. One night two men who had just finished interviewing John Goodman for a PBS special on Jeff Bridges happened to walk by the place and decided to come in. Two months later, Preston got a call from PBS asking him to be part of the special. On the day of the filming, Bridges showed up with the recording team, and once the special aired on January 8, 2011, fans flocked to the shop.

In his Lebowski shrine, surrounded by stillframe photos and T-shirts from the movie, Preston seems content in his bathrobe and slippers.

“It was a series of random circumstances where terrible things led to good things — kind of like the movie,” he said. “The Dude was happy and content even when s--- kept being thrown at him. That’s a good way to live.”

Just then, a customer walked in with the customary “Hey Dude!” greeting. “Do you have any Donny T-shirts? My brother-in-law’s name is Donny and he just never shuts the f--- up!”

Special Coverage | Interviews | Insider Info

‘Trials of Muhammad Ali’

Join your neighborhood newspaper in a salute to the 2013 TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL A SPECIAL ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITY

ISSUE DATE: CONTACT FRANCESCO REGINI Francesco@ChelseaNow.com 646 452 2496 • 212 229 2790 (fax)

APRIL 18

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sea Chelnow www.chelseanow.com

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Chelsea www.chelseanow.com

April 3 -16, 2013

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VHS workout tape to visit the 10th Precinct and post bail for your sorry, bitter behind.

Dear Aunt Chelsea,

As the weather warms up, I feel the need to put away my winter gear — the heavy coat, the snow boots (but namely, the Christmas tree). Growing up, my dad always said that by New Year’s, Santa had overstayed his welcome. So I’m ready (and have been since January) to ditch ye old evergreen and make room for spring.

There’s only one problem. My roommate and his girlfriend made this giant cardboard Christmas tree that is STILL UP. I’m pretty sure he’s tired of it too… but his girlfriend gets all teary-eyed if we so much as bump it on our way out the door. Do I tactfully breach the subject with her, leave it to my roommate to handle or have the holiday monstrosity mysteriously disappear while she’s at work?

Sincerely, Card-Bored Dear Bored:

Your letter arrived from a Chelsea zip code, not the Bermuda Triangle or the Twilight Zone — so I doubt your roommate’s tearful, tree-clingy gal pal will believe that her beloved Tannenbaum went the way of Judge Crater and Amelia Earhart. No, she’s going to demand an explanation — and she deserves one…just as you deserve to experience the joys of spring outside the confines of Christmas Village.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that the tree simply has to go.

If pressed, you’re well within your rights to point out that as a non-rent-paying guest of the apartment, she has no say in the matter. Then present her with a cardboard box containing her cardboard tree, and suggest she take it back to her own abode (where it can be displayed until December, when it’s welcome back at your place for a strictly limited engagement).

Dear Aunt Chelsea,

I have a problem. I trust you've seen Olivia Newton John’s infamous “Physical” video (ya’ know, the one with the spandex). Well imagine if Miss Newton John did that video today, in all her aging splendor. Now I want you to picture said video taking place in my apartment building staircase. Who wants to hear “Physical! Physical! I wanna get physical!” at 5am? Who wants to see a little old bitty jazz-handing her way up the stairs? I’ll tell ya’ Aunt Chelsea, I have half a mind to push her down said stairs. What should I do?

Thinking of Getting Physical Dear Thinking:

Of course you should push her down the stairs. Then get some aerobic exercise of your own by administering a few good, swift kicks to her midsection. But why stop there? Why not reach into her fanny pack and do a jaunty staircase fan dance with her AARP, NYPL and Medicaid cards? It’ll certainly send a message to the other seniors in your building as to what awaits those who disturb your peace by daring to be active and vital. As for neighbors of the younger generation (whom I’m told appreciate irony), they’ll be wearing a daylong smirk upon realizing that this valuable lesson about keeping quiet is being loudly administered by the “victim” of an inconsiderate noisemaker. Good luck, honey — and if you take my advice, don’t bother calling. Old Aunt Chelsea will be too busy going through the rigors of her Angela Lansbury

Ho r osc o p e s Aries An early spring visit to the High Line will produce a pleasant burst of sexy flirtation. Lucky Newton: Fig. Taurus Your fiery temperament is ill-suited for the gentle practice of origami. Get a new hobby! Lucky bird: Crane.

Gemini Living with temptation is fine — but make it sleep on the couch. Lucky hiding place: Second shelf from the left.

Cancer A street sign on your journey home tonight has hidden meaning. You’ll know what to do when you see it. Lucky weather pattern: Foggy.

Leo Resist the urge to bite your tongue when stumbling into a heated discussion. Both sides benefit from your outsider’s clarity. Lucky button: Second from the top.

Virgo Old friends and new enemies conspire to

throw you a birthday party full of uncomfortable interactions…but the cake will be worth it. Lucky frosting: Buttercream.

Libra A tall dark stranger on the subway won’t buy it when you momentarily transfer eye contact to his backpack. Stop staring! Lucky comic strip: Gasoline Alley.

Do you have a personal problem at work, the gym, the bar or the corner coffee shop? Is there a domestic dispute that needs the sage counsel of an uninvolved third party? Then Ask Aunt Chelsea!

Contact her via askauntchelsea@chelseanow.com, and feel free to end your pensive missive with a clever, anonymous moniker (aka “Troubled on 23rd Street,” or “Ferklempt in the Fashion District”).

Scorpio Dusk on the day before the next full moon is prime time for contemplating matters of the heart.

Lucky Avenue: Fifth.

Sagittarius An insufficient answer to a foreign tourist’s poorly phrased question will haunt you throughout the night. Lucky coin: Dime.

Capricorn The intense study of crossword puzzle design will boost your quilt work to new creative heights. Lucky conjunction: Or.

now

Aquarius A new vegan treat will coax your pooch into more robust doggy yoga participation. Lucky breed: Old English Sheepdog.

www.chelseanow.com

Pisces Your Monopoly strategy, based on hotel accumulation, is ill-advised. Lucky birthstone: Topaz.

Chelsea

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April 3 -16, 2013