Dec. 03, 2013 CHELSEA NOW by Schneps Media

VOLUME 6, NUMBER 7 DECEMBER 03, 2013

THE WEST SIDE’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER SERVING CHELSEA, HUDSON YARDS & HELL'S KITCHEN

Hell’s Kitchen Becoming an Inferno of Towers

Penn South Pedestrians Want Better Bike Lane Safety

BY EILEEN STUKANE With some reaching higher than 60 stories, the new residential towers of Hell’s Kitchen are like their own small towns within the big city. What was once a landmarked, lowrise, walk-up neighborhood contained by a border of auto dealers, gas stations, parking lots and manufacturers is now a place that thousands of people call home. The western outskirt of Hell’s Kitchen is quickly becoming associated with luxury glass and steel structures that offer rentals, from studios to three-bedroom apartments — and that’s just the beginning. The amenities of a high-rise such as the 60-story Silver Towers or the 63-story MiMA (Middle of Manhattan) Tower usually include a fitness center, a spa, a pool, concierge and shuttle services, indoor courtyard parks, restaurants, markets and even theaters, such as the three theaters of Signature Theatre Company in the MiMA. They are redefining what life in Hell’s Kitchen is like. From 34th to 59th Streets, along 10th and 11th Avenues, about 20 fairly new residential high-rise buildings can be counted — with about a dozen more developments in the offering. Apartments are quickly occupied. In 2005, Hudson Yards and West Clinton were rezoned, which allowed for commercial and residential use in what was, until then, a business and manufacturing area. An added impetus came when, due to the 26 acre Hudson Yards Project (from West 30th to 33rd Streets/10th to 12th Avenues), the Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA)

BY SAM SPOKONY Police are cracking down on rule-breaking bicycle riders around Chelsea’s Penn South housing co-op, after pedestrian safety complaints from residents of the complex reached a tipping point in recent months. Captain David Miller, who leads the NYPD’s 10th Precinct, said he assigned a traffic safety officer to specifically focus on handing out summonses to rogue riders in the bike lanes around Penn South — which spans West 23rd Street to West 29th Street, between Eighth and Ninth Avenues — after the precinct’s Community Council meeting on October 30. During that meeting longtime Penn South resident Phyllis Shanley, among others, expressed fears about bike riders — especially those on touristfriendly CitiBikes — going the wrong way in their lane, running red lights and cutting off slow-moving, elderly residents as they cross the street. “A lot of people here feel that the situation with bicyclists is getting worse,” said Shanley at the October meeting. “Pedestrians are at greater risk than ever.”

Continued on page 3

Photo courtesy of Silverstein Properties

A small town, within the big city: A view of Silver Towers, looking east on W. 42nd St.

A month later, it looked as though Captain Miller’s newly assigned traffic safety officer was breaking some ground on that front. At the Community Council meeting on November 20, Miller announced that over the past month, approximately 50 bicyclists in the Penn South area had been slapped with summonses — and in a phone interview the following week, 10th Precinct Community Affairs Detective Mike Petrillo explained that the traffic safety officer will stay on that beat “until we see more improvement” in pedestrian safety around the complex. After learning that police had stepped up enforcement, Shanley said she’s still hoping for an even greater impact on keeping the bike lanes and intersections safe. “It makes me feel better, but not a lot better,” said Shanley, referring to the role of the traffic safety officer. “I’ll have to wait until next month to see if it’s really continuing to make a difference.” Shanley, a senior citizen, believes that many of the safety issues are caused by

Continued on page 5

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Up, on the Outskirts: Hell’s Kitchen Expands Skyward Continued from page 1 decided to extend the Number 7 subway from Times Square to 11th Avenue and West 34th Street. The MTA’s station between 10th and 11th Avenues will have an escalator that brings passengers out into a newly created park, called Hudson Park & Boulevard, from West 33rd to 36th Streets. Developers interested in the rezoned area also made commitments to reserve at least 20 percent of available units for affordable housing in exchange for the ability to create taller buildings. That 80/20 commitment has now been reworded to be a permanent 20 percent commitment. Joe Restuccia, executive director of Clinton Housing and long-time member of Community Board 4n (CB4), explains, “We have a huge affordable housing crisis in this city, but the concentration here in our neighborhood is a direct result of rezonings and the agreements that were reached between our council member and the administration over affordable housing. Those agreements are truly shaping what’s happening.” In existence for 40 years, Clinton Housing focuses on the renovation of four- to six-story buildings (mostly walkups) for affordable housing in Hell’s Kitchen. It has developed about 1200 units in about 100 buildings, and it owns and manages 75 buildings with about 750 apartments. Lately multiple dwellings are being combined into one structure with a common lobby and elevator. Clinton Housing also works with some of the new developers to help them go through the public

process in relation to affordable housing. Restuccia commends the hands-on involvement of CB4 in specifying and monitoring the needs of the community when it comes to new development. Michael Samuelian, vice president of Related Companies, which is developing Hudson Yards, believes that the Yards will bridge a gap between Chelsea and Hell’s Kitchen, linking the communities in a way they’ve never been before. “We’re integrated into the street grid and the High Line. We’re in the heart of the neighborhood and we’re very sensitive to that, and want to be perceived as part of the neighborhood,” he says. Residential towers, with rentals and condos, a 12-screen movie theater, a shopping center, the arts of the planned Culture Shed and public open spaces are planned. The first building under way at Hudson Yards, formerly the “South Tower,” renamed 10 Hudson Yards, will be 52 stories, 895 feet tall and home to Coach and L’Oreal. Not yet under construction, the tallest of the planned Hudson Yards buildings, formerly the “North Tower,” now 30 Hudson Yards on the corner of West 33rd and 10th Avenue, will be a glassy 80-story skyscraper with an observation deck — which, once completed, will be the fourth tallest building in New York (about as tall as the Empire State Building). There are many towering glass-and-steel architectural innovations in, and coming to, Hell’s Kitchen. But there are also efforts to uphold tradition. At Gotham West, where 1,250 apartments fill a 32-story tower and three smaller

Continued on page 7

Photo courtesy of Related Management

The MiMA Tower, at 460 W. 42nd St., houses more than new Hell’s Kitchen residents. It’s also home to Signature Theatre Company’s three performance spaces.

December 4 - 17, 2013

CB4 Wants DOT to Rethink 31st St. Bus Stop BY SAM SPOKONY The Community Board 4 (CB4) Transportation Committee voted on November 20 to recommend against the city’s proposal for a new intercity bus stop near the corner of West 31st Street and Eighth Avenue. The Department of Transportation (DOT) proposal would allow Gunther Charters — a subsidiary of Tripper Bus Service — to run 35 arrivals and departures per day, between New York and both Virginia and Maryland. The DOT’s planned site, which is on the north curb of West 31st Street, just west of Eighth Avenue, is located at a terminal already used by both Tripper and Go Buses, another intercity transit company. The new addition of Gunther buses would, collectively, make for an average of 170 long distance departures and arrivals per week at the site, according to data provided by the bus companies to CB4’s Transportation Committee. In a letter to the DOT that was drafted after its November 20 meeting — and which will have to be approved at CB4’s December full board meeting — the Committee cited “insufficient space” as a primary reason for its opposition to the proposed site. As it currently stands, the West 31st Street terminal is approximately 70 feet long (the length of one bus). The Committee pointed out that, based on all three bus carriers’ arrival and departure schedules, numerous overlaps in service would sometimes require the pres-

In a November 29 phone interview, CB4’s Jay Marcus (a co-chair of the Transportation Committee) said he is hopeful that the DOT will actually consider and implement one of the proposed alternatives, even though the city agency did not send a representative to his committee’s November meeting. Marcus explained that he was sufficiently impressed by the agency’s work in a similar situation that took place in October, when the DOT amended its original proposal to relocate two Bolt Bus stops — currently on West 33rd Street, between Seventh and Eighth Avenues, and West 34th Street just west of Eighth Avenue — to a single site near the corner of West 39th Street and 10th Avenue.

Photo by Sam Spokony

Three Go Buses cram into the 70-foot terminal on W. 31st St., near Eighth Ave., on the morning of Nov. 30. A DOT proposal would place an additional intercity bus company at that site.

ence of two or even three buses at a time in the single-bus-length space, and would likely lead to increased congestion in an area that is already traffic-heavy. “The applicant indicated that when there is conflict, the buses [will] circle around the block until the space becomes available,” the

Committee’s letter reads. As part of their recommendation, CB4 members requested that the DOT explore two alternative options for the new Gunther terminal. The first, which the Committee described as its “preferred option,” would instead place the new bus stop on West 33rd Street, either just west of 10th Avenue or just west of 11th Avenue. “This would be a vastly better option since it would remove traffic from a very congested area and remove illegal thru traffic and parking in residential areas,” the letter states. The second option would involve the DOT creating three separate bus-length terminals along the north curb of West 31st Street, thereby eliminating problems with overlapping arrivals or departures. The DOT declined to comment specifically on those alternatives, because the Committee’s letter has not yet been approved as an official CB4 resolution. “We look forward to continuing to work with [CB4] on this effort to better locate intercity bus stops,” said a DOT spokesperson.

Numerous overlaps in service would sometimes require the presence of two or even three buses at a time in the single-buslength space, and would likely lead to increased congestion in an area that is already traffic-heavy. After the Transportation Committee opposed the relocation, the DOT reconsidered the plan and instead chose to move the two Bolt stops to a combined terminal on West 33rd Street, just west of 11th Avenue (next to one of the sites CB4 recommended for the new Gunther bus stop). “We were very grateful for that,” said Marcus, who also said he believes Margaret Forgione, the DOT’s Manhattan Borough Commissioner, has been “excellent and amazingly responsive” on a variety of CB4 issues.

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December 4 - 17, 2013

Cops Beef Up Bicycle Enforcement at Penn South

Photo by Sam Spokony

A bicyclist zips along Eighth Ave. before turning left onto W. 25th St. Penn South residents who frequently walk across that intersection want DOT to install a special stoplight to control the flow of turning bikes and cars.

When dealing with bike complaints, 10th Precinct officers can’t patrol past the northern edge of Penn South, since the precinct’s boundary stops at West 29th Street, between Seventh and Ninth Avenues.

Continued from page 1 younger bike riders who are not fully conscious of the urban environment. “I think a lot of young people here didn’t grow up in the city, and instead they have a suburban mindset, so they don't know how to interact in traffic in an urban setting,” said Shanley. “A lot of them just see it as a faster way to get to work, so they’re flying along, and they don't understand that they have to calculate for pedestrians. If there’s no car stopping them, they just go, and they don’t care about the pedestrians.” It’s also important to note that when dealing with bike complaints, 10th Precinct officers can’t patrol past the northern edge of Penn South, since the precinct’s boundary stops at West 29th Street, between Seventh and Ninth Avenues.

BIKE LANE STOPLIGHT NEEDED?

In addition to pushing for increased police enforcement, some Penn South residents have called on the city’s Department of Transportation (DOT) to install a special stoplight at the intersection of West 25th Street and Eighth Avenue, which they believe would help to more safely control the flow of traffic when both cars and bicycles

make left turns from the avenue onto the street. There are already special signals of that kind at the Eighth Avenue intersections of West 19th, 21st and 23rd Streets, which provide red or green lights specifically to bicyclists, or which provide a red or green arrow to all left-turning traffic. The effort to get a new signal at West 25th Street and Eighth Avenue dates back to mid-2011, when Penn South resident Sylvia Burns created a petition that was later brought before Community Board 4 (CB4). The petition, which specifically called on the DOT to install the signal, garnered over 1,000 signatures from residents of both Penn South and some neighboring buildings. Within months, both Burns and CB4 sent letters to the DOT requesting the new signal, while citing the petition. But the DOT never acted on the request, and Burns didn’t even get a response from the city agency until August 2012. In that letter, the DOT Manhattan Borough Commissioner Margaret Forgione wrote that, based on investigation conducted during the previous month, “No signal timing changes are recommended at this time.” “I was disgusted,” said Burns, who point-

Continued on page 21

December 4 - 17, 2013

Old Chelsea Station Won’t Close, but it May Change BY SCOTT STIFFLER Its days as the go-to place for stampdispensing vending machines are long gone — but Old Chelsea Station is here to stay. After nearly a year of community forums, petitions, electronic missives and snail mail outreach, the United Stated Postal Service (USPS) recently told elected officials that a proposal to sell its 217 West 18th Street post office has been abandoned. Built in 1937, the two-story, Colonial Revival-style red brick structure (on the National Register of Historic Places, but not landmarked by the city) is among just a handful of Depression-era post offices left throughout the five boroughs. Early last week, a joint statement issued by Congressman Jerrold Nadler, Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney, City Council Speaker Christine C. Quinn, Borough President Scott Stringer, State Senator Brad Hoylman and Assemblymembers Richard Gottfried and Deborah Glick praised the USPS’s decision to keep Old Chelsea Station’s doors open. But they also acknowledged possible changes to the 41,865-square-foot facility, noting that the USPS is currently exploring options “such as re-purposing underutilized space in the building.” That loaded phrase references various ideas floated during the public vetting process. The doomsday option of closing Old Chelsea Station, it was suggested, might be

avoided by vertical expansion or the transfer of air rights. A more realistic scenario, and one of great concern to preservationists, involved leasing space in a manner that would impact the building’s lobby (distinguished by a marble floor as well as deer and bear cast stone bas-relief panels carved by Paul Fiene). “We will continue to monitor USPS’s future actions regarding the Old Chelsea Post Office,” promised the electeds, who noted that upon first learning of its possible closure, they partnered with the community to advocate “strongly for the continuation of services and for increased transparency and a robust public process before USPS took any further action.” Council of Chelsea Block Associations president Bill Borock cited “the involvement of the community, working together with elected officials,” as a decisive factor in Old Chelsea Station’s survival. Borock’s assessment was echoed by a source close to ongoing discussions with the USPS — who told this newspaper that the West 18th Street facility was saved by a combination of economic reality (relocating in Chelsea wasn’t costeffective) and the acknowledgement by USPS officials that, “Everybody who protested was right. It was made very clear that this was an important community resource, and they had to keep it open.” In a December 3 email to Chelsea Now, Hoylman was similarly blunt in asserting link-

age between activism and results. “The USPS realized what elected officials and community members have been saying all along: that selling Old Chelsea Station and leasing new space elsewhere in the neighborhood simply doesn't make sense.” Although he did not

comment on maintaining unfettered public access to the lobby (or its aesthetic integrity), Hoylman promised further collaboration with his colleagues in government, to “ensure vital mail services remain in our neighborhood’s treasured facility.”

Photo by Scott Stifﬂer

Following months of activism, cautiously optimistic electeds and loyal customers are applauding the USPS’s decision not to close Old Chelsea Station Post Office.

December 4 - 17, 2013

Tale of the Towers: New Worlds Emerging, Within Hell’s Kitchen Continued from page 3 buildings on a site between West 44th and 45th Streets, 10th and 11th Avenues, Chris Jaskiewicz, COO of Gotham Organization, explains that “We spent a lot of time and money designing our building to fit into the area. We used brick and different colors of brick because we wanted to respect the area.” Within the brick is a 9,000 square foot landscaped interior courtyard with a reflecting pool, which has overlook areas called “The Perch” and the “Sky Terrace.” Gotham West Market, a 10,000 square foot street-level day-andnight food hall in the building, opened on November 20th with eight establishments for food and drink. In keeping with a sense of history, “We looked at Washington Market, which was in Manhattan from 1812 until the 1960s,” says Jaskiewicz, “and that’s why we have the wire mesh canopies, the blackened steel storefronts, the polished concrete floors — because that’s how it looked.” The Gotham West Market is a handy destination when coming from Hudson River Park or a visit to the Intrepid. Griffin Court, Alchemy Properties’ pair of eight-story buildings containing 95 condo units (on West 54th Street and 10th Avenue), is more in scale with the Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood. The developer made an effort to be part of the community by selecting a Brooklyn artist to create a tree-filled mural on two exterior walls that would extend the feel of the building’s courtyard. “To be part of the community we tried to give something back with our mural, a piece of artwork,” says Jill Preschel, sales and marketing manager of Alchemy. Other ways the West Side of Hell’s Kitchen is getting spruced up is through its car showrooms. The dealerships on 11th Avenue have upgraded to fit into the new building boom. Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Audi and Volkswagon have shiny new showrooms marked by architectural creativity. Restuccia notes that the changes in the community can be seen in the number of people who are passing through and staying in the newly developed hotels. The residential buildings may market themselves as having everything one could need in one location, but they are bringing in residents who become part of the community. Residents, in turn, can be overwhelmed by many transient visitors who are drawn by a proliferation of hotels. “There is a hotel that has just been

Photo courtesy of Silverstein Properties

Tom Otterness designed the sculptural slide that (literally) sits in a park between W. 42 St.’s Silver Towers buildings.

announced for the southeast of West 35th and 10th Avenue. That’s a 17-story hotel opposite five-story tenements. On the corner of West 34th and 10th, a 29-story hotel will be constructed. On lower Ninth Avenue there are budget hotels that have taken up small garages,” he says. “In our neighborhood, it’s not going to be the higher end residential that brings the big change; it’s going to be the more commercial ventures that draw a different kind of crowd.” Bonnie Brower, a resident of Hell’s Kitchen and a housing activist who worked for tenants’ rights in the 1980s, says that when it comes to the scale of new buildings and the neighborhood changes, “It’s almost like we’re a banana republic being colonized.” And a resident of Manhattan Plaza bemoans the sight of naked and underweared residents in uncurtained windows of a glossy skyscraper, when the Hudson River and Statue of Liberty used to be the view. Yet young professionals in the amenity-filled high-rise buildings feel

completely at home and happy. Just as Greenwich Village was once the hot location, and then Chelsea, Hell’s Kitchen will probably settle into its new identity over the course of time. Meanwhile, construction continues.

Photo by Melissa Hom, courtesy of Gotham Organization

Serving the Gotham West residential tower, and attracting plenty of others, Gotham West Market’s street-level dayand-night food hall opened on Nov. 20.

December 4 - 17, 2013

Answers Needed on Park Air Rights Sales EDITORIAL One mystery surrounding the amendment to the Hudson River Park Act that the Legislature approved way back in June was answered on November 13, when Governor Cuomo finally signed the bill into law. However, many questions still remain about the modifications to the 1998 Park Act, specifically regarding the provision allowing the Hudson River Park’s unused development rights to be sold across the highway one block inland from the park. For starters, no one seems to know exactly how many unused air rights the 5-mile-long park has. Madelyn Wils, the president of the Hudson River Park Trust, the park’s governing authority, is on record saying this summer that the park has about 1.6 million square feet of unused air rights potentially for sale. However, the Trust and Assemblymember Richard Gottfried — who sponsored the recent amendment

along with Assemblymember Deborah Glick — now say the exact number of air rights can’t be quantified until a formal ULURP (Uniform Land Use Review Procedure) is done, presumably, sometime soon. Also, no one seems to know where the air rights could be transferrable to. Would they have to go directly across the highway from the pier they are taken from? Or could they be stacked anywhere along the park’s length, from Chambers St. to W. 59th St.? Most importantly, will the city or the state oversee these air rights transfers? If it’s the city, under city zoning, a seven-month-long ULURP public review process would be required. Admittedly, many local residents scoff that ULURP has not spared the community strongly opposed large-scale projects, such as the Rudin residential redevelopment of the St. Vincent’s site, the NYU 2031 superblocks expansion or the Chelsea Market vertical expansion. Yet, with a community-sensitive councilmember, ULURP can be an effective

way to scale back oversized, noncontextual development plans and add into them community “gets” — like affordable housing, a school or a health facility. Pier 40 is the focus of everyone’s attention right now. That’s mainly because the new amendment requires that any revenue from the sale of this massive, but crumbling West Houston Street pier’s air rights be funneled back into Pier 40 to fund sorely needed repairs. Plus, Pier 40 simply has a huge amount of air rights for sale — around 600,000 square feet — and potentially 740,000 more if its pier shed is razed. Meanwhile, the St. John’s Center building across the highway has been a long-coveted development site, only in need of a residential zoning change. We hear that, initially, at least, opinions among stakeholders were that a potential air rights transfer from Pier 40 to the St. John’s site would be handled under the state’s General Project Plan, or GPP, process. We’re told that, yes, a GPP does involve an extensive public comment period. Yet, the decision on a

GPP is ultimately by the much-maligned mechanism of “three men in a room” — the governor and the heads of the Assembly and state Senate. The new legislation would seem to indicate that city zoning would, in fact, govern the process — but again, we absolutely need concrete assurances. Yes, of course, the revenue from these air rights sales would be a godsend for the currently cash-strapped Hudson River Park. Yet, at what cost? For years, activists and preservationists have battled to save the Lower West Side waterfront from overdevelopment. Now, will this new provision simply override and blot out all those hardwon gains? The tough work of figuring out next steps on this issue will fall on Mayor Bill de Blasio. There will also be some new Trust board members in place. Coincidentally, the East Midtown rezoning was just scrapped, showing that outgoing Mayor Bloomberg’s pending initiatives are not a shoo-in anymore, by any means.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR More voices needed on air rights To The Editor: Re “Air Rights Grounded in Discussion, as Cuomo Signs Bill” (news, Nov. 20): Missing from the article are the voices of the smart people who live in Greenwich Village and Chelsea who spoke up with serious questions at the town hall — people who felt left out of any discussion before the stealth bill was introduced by Assemblymembers Deborah Glick and Richard Gottfried, and passed in a rush on the last day of the legislative session at 5am. No public hearing was held prior to Glick and Gottfried’s action. Both of them attended the town hall on Hudson River Park air rights, with Glick bolting soon after the announcement was made that Governor Cuomo had signed the legislation into law at the end of that day. Gottfried tried to spin “community involvement,” but Greenwich St. resident Sandy Russo was having none of his spin. Newly elected District Leader Arthur Schwartz had his nice face on (he has previously called for Glick’s resignation), and reminded people that with a new mayor and borough president there would be changes at the Hudson River Park Trust. But he was silent on the ramifications for the local area if the air rights auction does take place. Jim Fouratt

Spend those Fed bucks on barriers To The Editor: Re “Being Prepared for the Next Hurricane” (editorial, Nov. 6): I must differ with Chelsea Now’s editorial of November 7, which said, “We think Mayor Bloomberg’s idea of removable storm barriers along Lower Manhattan’s edge is a good idea.”

There are several problems with this “good idea.” The fences would consist of six-foot stanchions permanently installed along the west side of Route 9A. Between each two stanchions an aluminum sheet would be placed, slid into place prior to the storm and removed after it. The problem with this is that over a period of time some of the hundreds of aluminum sheets will become damaged by constant insertion and removal or by incorrect placement. Once that happens, the water will be able to enter through cracks and spread out on the other side. Further, there could be flaws in the storm warning system. A late warning could lead to a rush panel insertion job, resulting in flawed placement of some panels. Also, if a storm predicted to completely miss this area suddenly veers our way at the last minute, we would be caught with no protection in place. We are fallible; remember, we were prepared for Irene and it passed over us, we were not prepared for Sandy and it hit us. I have no problem with Con Ed and Verizon putting aluminum sheets around their buildings on a permanent basis. Finally, with Category 4 and 5 hurricanes predicted for this century, we should go with the most proven protection: storm surge barriers. In every case, the cost of storm surge barriers is less than the cost of repairs from the storm. Remember, Katrina was only a Category 3, and who in the past had ever heard of a 240-mile tornado like the one that brought a combination of wind and storm surge to wreck the Philippines? We have the money now from the federal government for protection. Spend it on storm surge barriers! Bob Trentlyon

Need to transition to stevia To The Editor: I would like to get our newly elected mayor Bill de Blasio

to nuance his stance on the soda ban initiated by outgoing Mayor Michael Bloomberg. The fight against morbid obesity and diabetes can only be won if we ban high-fructose corn syrup from our beverages, and replace or supplement sugar with stevia. You can look up this research, and you will see that the incidence of obesity and the onset of diabetes among New Yorkers correlate with the replacing of sugar in our sodas and drinks with high-fructose corn syrup. I hope that this information is at least considered. Vincent Nunes

Relocated store missing familiar faces To The Editor Re “99 Cents Creation Returns, but Struggles in New Location” (news, Nov. 20): As the General Manager of the store, I thank people of this great neighborhood who still come shop and those who are doing the best they can to help us spread the news. I still haven’t seen many of the customers who used to visit us on a daily basis when we were on 23rd St. My boss did keep his promise to come back and honor Chelsea. I support him because the store built good relationships with most of you for so many years. We’re located a 1/4 block off only from Seventh Ave., on 24th St., near Chase Bank. It’s a single block away from the old location. We need your support. Mamadou Diaman CORRECTION The Nov. 20 article, “99 Cents Creation Returns, but Struggles in New Location,” incorrectly identified the store’s monthly rent as an annual figure. We regret the error.

December 4 - 17, 2013

Community Contacts To be listed, email scott@chelseanow.com.

info

COMMUNITY BOARD 4 (CB4) CB4 serves Manhattan’s West Side neighborhoods of Chelsea and Clinton/Hell’s Kitchen. Its boundaries are 14th St. on the south, 59/60th St. on the north, the Hudson River on the west, 6th Ave. on the east (south of 26th St.) and 8th Ave. on the east (north of 26th St.). The board meeting, open to the public, is normally the first Wednesday of the month. The next meeting is Mon., Jan. 5, 6:30pm, at Fulton Auditorium (119 Ninth Ave., btw. 17th & 18th Sts.). Call 212-736-4536, visit nyc. gov/mcb4 or email them at info@ manhattancb4.org. COMMUNITY BOARD 5 (CB5) CB5 represents the central business district of New York City. It includes midtown Manhattan, the Fashion, Flower, Flatiron and Diamond districts, as well as Bryant Park and Union Square Park. The district is at the center of New York’s tourism industry. The Theatre District, Times Square, Carnegie Hall, the Empire State Building and two of the region’s transportation hubs (Grand Central Station and Penn Station) fall within CB5. The board meeting, open to the public, happens on the second Thursday of the month. The next meeting is Thurs., Dec. 12th, 6pm, at Xavier High School (30 W. 16th St., btw. 5th & 6th Aves., 2nd fl.). Call 212465-0907, visit cb5.org or email them at office@cb5.org. THE 300 WEST 23RD, 22ND & 21ST STREETS BLOCK ASSOCIATION Contact them at 300wb@gmail.com. THE WEST 400 BLOCK ASSOCIATION Contact them at w400ba@gmail.com.

CHELSEA GARDEN CLUB Chelsea Garden Club cares for the bike lane tree pits in Chelsea. If you want to adopt a tree pit or join the group, please contact them at cgc.nyc@gmail.com or like them on Facebook. Also visit chelseagardenclub.blogspot.com. LOWER CHELSEA ALLIANCE (LoCal) This group is committed to protecting the residential blocks of Chelsea from overscale development. Contact them at LowerChelseaAlliance@gmail.com. THE GREENWICH VILLAGE-CHELSEA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE Call 212-337-5912 or visit villagechelsea.com. THE MEATPACKING DISTRICT INITIATIVE Visit meatpacking-district.com or call 212-633-0185. PENN SOUTH The Penn South Program for Seniors provides recreation, education and social services — and welcomes volunteers. For info, call 212-2433670 or visit pennsouthlive.com. THE BOWERY RESIDENTS’ COMMITTEE: HOMELESS HELPLINE If you know of anyone who is in need of their services, call the Homeless Helpline at 212-533-5151, and the BRC will send someone to make contact. This number is staffed by outreach team leaders 24 hours a day. Callers may remain anonymous. For more info, visit brc.org. THE LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL & TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY CENTER At 208 W. 13th St. (btw. 7th & 8th Aves.). Visit gaycenter.org or call 212620-7310. GAY MEN’S HEALTH CRISIS (GMHC) At 446 W. 33rd St. btw. 9th & 10th Aves. Visit gmhc.org. Call 212-367-1000.

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Contemporary composer, Eastern music pioneer

Queer flicks worth waiting for

Gay City P.5

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NEWS

� CATEGORY

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515 Canal St., Unit 1C, New York, NY 10013 Phone: (212) 229-1890 • Fax: (212) 229-2790 On-line: www.chelseanow.com E-mail: scott@chelseanow.com head

BY DUNCAN OSBORNE

BY PAUL SCHINDLER

he 2004 federal budget proposed by the Bush administration on February 3 is drawing both praise and criticism from gay and AIDS groups. “Generally, we have a mixed reaction to it,” said Winnie Stachelberg, political director at the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), even as some leading AIDS groups, including the Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC), were more critical. The proposal includes a $100 million increase for the AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP), a $5 million dollar increase in the Housing Opportunities for People With AIDS

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� BOOKSHOP SHUFFLE Oscar Wilde up, Bluestockings down

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� SIGNORILE There’s a place for us

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� THEATER Jews and Muslims work together � 32 ——————————————

CREDIT

� BOOKS Gay spaghetti western

� 42 CAPTION

ARTHUR30AVILES

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Member of the National Newspaper Association Chelsea Now is published biweekly by NYC Community Media LLC, 515 Canal St., Unit 1C, New York, NY 10013. (212) 229-1890. Annual subscription by mail in Manhattan and Brooklyn $75. Single copy price at office and newsstands is 50 cents. The entire contents of newspaper, including advertising, are copyrighted and no part may be reproduced without the express permission of the publisher - © 2010 NYC Community Media LLC, Postmaster: Send address changes to Chelsea Now, 145 Sixth Ave., First Fl., New York, N.Y. 10013.

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The Publisher shall not be liable for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value of an advertisement. The publisher’s liability for other errors or omissions in connection with an advertisement is strictly limited to publication of the advertisement in any subsequent issue.

HUDSON GUILD Founded in 1895, Hudson Guild is a multi-service, multi-generational community serving approximately 14,000 people annually with daycare, hot meals for senior citizens, low-cost professional counseling, community arts programs and recreational programming for teens. Visit them at hudsonguild.org. Email them at info@ hudsonguild.org. For the John Lovejoy Elliott Center (441 W. 26th St.), call 212-760-9800. For the Children’s Center (459 W. 26th St.), call 212-7609830. For the Education Center (447 W. 25th St.), call 212-760-9843. For the Fulton Center for Adult Services (119 9th Ave.), call 212-924-6710. THE CARTER BURDEN CENTER FOR THE AGING This organization promotes the wellbeing of individuals 60 and older through direct social services and volunteer programs oriented to individual, family and community needs. Call 212-879-7400 or visit burdencenter.org. FULTON YOUTH OF THE FUTURE Email them at fultonyouth@gmail. com or contact Miguel Acevedo, 646-671-0310. WEST SIDE NEIGHBORHOOD ALLIANCE Visit westsidenyc.org or call 212956-2573. Email them at wsna@ hcc-nyc.org. CHELSEA COALITION ON HOUSING Tenant assistance every Thursday night at 7pm, at Hudson Guild (119 9th Ave.). Email them at chelseacoalition.cch@gmail.com. FRIENDS OF HUDSON RIVER PARK Visit fohrp.org or call 212-757-0981. HUDSON RIVER PARK TRUST Visit hudsonriverpark.org or call 212627-2020. SAVE CHELSEA Contact them at savechelseanyc@ gmail.com.

CITY COUNCIL SPEAKER CHRISTINE QUINN Call 212-564-7757 or visit council.nyc. gov/d3/html/members/home.shtml. STATE SENATOR BRAD HOYLMAN Call 212-633-8052 or visit bradhoylman.com. CHELSEA REFORM DEMOCRATIC CLUB The CRDC (the home club of City Council Speaker Christine Quinn and Assemblymember Richard N. Gottfried) meets monthly to exchange political ideas on protecting the rights and improving the lives of those residing in Chelsea. Visit crdcnyc.org or email them at info@crdcnyc.org. THE SAGE CENTER New York City’s first LGBT senior center offers hot meals, counseling and a cyber-center — as well as programs on arts and culture, fitness, nutrition, health and wellness. At 305 Seventh Ave. (15th floor, btw. 27th & 28th Sts.). Call 646-576-8669 or visit sageusa.org/ thesagecenter for menus and a calendar of programs. At 147 W. 24th St. (btw. 6th & 7th Aves.) THE SYLVIA RIVERA LAW PROJECT works to guarantee that all people are free to self-determine their gender identity and expression without facing harassment, discrimination or violence. Visit srlp.org. FIERCE (Fabulous Independent Educated Radicals for Community Empowerment) builds the leadership and power of bisexual, transgender and queer youth of color in NYC. Visit fiercenyc.org. QUEERS FOR ECONOMIC JUSTICE is a progressive organization committed to promoting economic justice in a context of sexual and gender liberation. Visit q4ej.org. THE AUDRE LORDE PROJECT is a lesbian, gay, bisexual, two spirit, trans and gender non-conforming people of color center for community organizing. Visit alp.org.

PUBLISHER Jennifer Goodstein

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CONTRIBUTORS Jim Caruso Martin Denton Heather Dubin Sean Egan Ophira Eisenberg Roger Miller Paul Schindler Trav S.D. Sam Spokony

DISTRIBUTION & CIRCULATION Cheryl Williamson

VIDEO SEGMENT PRODUCER Don Mathisen

Michael Shirey Chris Ortiz

December 4 - 17, 2013

Community Activities: The Very Special Holiday Edition BY SCOTT STIFFLER

Photo by Ken Howard

You would even say it glows: The Washington Square Park Christmas Tree lighting ceremony happens at 6pm on Dec. 11.

WASHINGTON SQUARE TREE LIGHTING AND CAROLING

It’s been standing tall and looking good since arriving at 4am on Monday — but you’ll have to wait until 6pm on December 11 to see the Washington Square Park Christmas Tree in all its spruced up glory. That’s when the lights on this 45-foot-tall Vermonter will first begin to sparkle and shine. To mark that occasion, the Rob Susman Brass Quartet will accompany the crowd in the singing of holiday songs (with lyric sheets provided by The Washington Square Association). When the time comes to throw the switch, Santa Claus will lead the children in

an illumination countdown. Then, on Christmas Eve (at 5pm), those complimentary songbooks make another appearance, along with the Brass Quartet — as revelers fill the park with musical sentiments of peace on earth and goodwill to all. Both events happen at the Washington Square Park Arch (at the foot of Fifth Ave., one block south of Eighth St.). The Washington Square Park Christmas Tree is lit from 4pm-1am daily, through the season. For info, call 212-252-3621 or visit washingtonsquarenyc.org.

FEMALE MAKERS HOLIDAY MARKET: BRINGING WOMEN IN TECH TOGETHER

People of all genders and levels of technical ability are welcome to attend New York City’s first–ever holiday market designed to spotlight female creators and innovators. This fun combination of shopping, product testing, expert advice and shared stories serves as a platform to connect woman entrepreneurs with professionals. In the “Expert’s Room,” tech business leaders (including Flexcel Networks CEO Sophie Wade) will answer questions about fund-

take on the traditional Austrian carol “Still, still, still.” Organist Christopher Houlihan, (“dazzling,” according to the Wall Street Journal) will accompany. Actress Jeanne Ruskin will read Clement Clarke Moore’s famous poem, “A Visit from St. Nicholas” — in the church that stands on the very land that was part of Moore’s estate. Sun., Dec. 15, at 6pm. At St. Peter’s Church (346 W. 20th St., btw. Eighth & Ninth Aves.). Free (offerings accepted). For info, call 212-886-5463 or visit chelseachurch.org. Photo courtesy of the artist

“Shadow of David,” by Diana Sierra — who’ll be among those with products on display (and available for purchase), at Dec. 9’s Female Makers Holiday Market.

ing, creating and selling products. An array of tech and non-tech goods made by NY companies founded and run by women will be available for purchase — including chic, sustainable artisan jewelry from Brooklyn’s Judi Powers, global handcrafts by Parcel & Journey industrial designs byDiana Sierra. Gift-wrapping will be provided, upon making a donation to the Lower Eastside Girls Club — whose members will need no hard sell to move their supply of Gingerbread Brownstone cookies. Mon., Dec. 9, from 7-9pm. Presented by Tekserve, NY Tech Meetup and Plum Alley. At Tekserve (119 W. 23rd St., btw. Sixth & Seventh Aves.). Tickets are free, but event registration is required (do so at eventbrite. com). For info on the event sponsors, visit meetup.com, nytm.org, plumalley.co. and tekserve.com.

CANDLELIGHT CAROL SERVICE

The nondenominational Chelsea Community Church’s 39th Annual Candlelight Carol Service provides ample opportunity for spiritual reflection, plus music and a literary from St. Nick. Under the direction of Larry J. Long, the choir will perform music from early German Baroque to early American shape-note to gospel (including “And the Glory of the Lord” from Messiah by George Frederic Handel, the familiar Basque carol “The Angel Gabriel” and David von Kampen’s jazzy

Photo courtesy of Penn South Ceramics

A cleverly disguised Kris Kringle scopes out gift options at the Penn South Ceramics Studio. Whittle down your “nice” list at their Dec. 7 sale, or treat yourself to a winter class.

PENN SOUTH CERAMICS STUDIO HOLIDAY SALE

Face facts, lazy Santa. It’ll take most of 2014 to repair your reputation if the best gift you can come up with is some impersonal piece of functional art from Pier 1 Imports. To the rescue, in the Saint Nick of time, comes the Annual Penn South Ceramics Studio Holiday Sale. It’s a great opportunity to check out their digs, find out about winter classes and whittle down your “nice” list by purchasing some pottery and ceramic sculptures. Everything up for grabs is made by the students and teachers who are happily spinning their (pottery) wheels at Penn South. Buy into the Fundraiser Raffle, and you could walk away with some work made by Legacy Studio members. Sat., Dec. 7, from 12-5pm in the Penn South Ceramics Studio (in Building 6B, 276 Ninth Ave., at the northeast corner of 26th St.). For Photo by Chris Kreussling (Flatbush Gardner) more info, email them at From 2012: Larry Long directs the Chelsea Community pennsouthceramics@gmail. Church Candlelight Carol Service choir. The annual ser- com or visit pennsouthceramics.com. vice happens this year on Dec. 15.

December 4 - 17, 2013

CHELSEA: ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Masterpieces of Holiday Simplicity Caruso’s musical ‘Nice’ list sure can swing BY JIM CARUSO (jim-caruso.com) I love spending the holidays in New York City — but between the over-blown seasonal spectaculars, the inclement weather and throngs of gaping tourists, a Manhattan Christmas can sometimes be overwhelming. In concocting this list of December must-sees, I’ve noticed that my choices are all masterpieces of simplicity — emphasizing clarity, sophisticated humor and good old-fashioned showbiz. Maybe those are the qualities I wish for myself, and should include in my letter to Santa. So, with all due respect to The Rockettes, the 76-foot tree in Rockefeller Center and the upcoming slush-fest, here is my grown-up Christmas list of musical, magical morsels.

ON THE RECORD: A TRIBUTE TO THE GREAT VOCAL GROUPS OF THE 20TH CENTURY Through December 15 Sat. at 3pm & Sun. at 6pm At Stage 72 158 W. 72nd St. (btw. Amsterdam & Columbus) $25 (half price for students/seniors) Call 800-838-3006 Visit brownpapertickets.com

Photo by Genevieve Rafter Keddy

The powerhouse quartet of “On the Record” focuses their pipes on popular music’s last 100 years.

As solo singers, Bill Daugherty, Paul Kropfl, Amanda Savan and Deborah Tranelli are wonderful. As a quartet, they’re even better. Their show, “On The Record, A Tribute to the Great Vocal Groups of the 20th Century,” celebrates such disparate and influential ensembles as The Andrews Sisters, The Mills Brothers, The Beach Boys and The Beatles. This multi-media chronology showcases the sights and sounds of singers and arrangers who have shaped the popular music scene for the last 100 years.

MICHAEL FEINSTEIN AT BIRDLAND JAZZ CLUB

December 17-28 At Birdland Jazz Club 315 W. 44th St. (btw. 8th & 9th Aves.) $75-$200, plus $20 food or beverage minimum Call 212-581-3080 or birdlandjazz.com

After 14 years headlining at the eponymously named Feinstein’s at The Regency, Michael Feinstein moves his smart, suave and sophisticated holiday show to Birdland, ‘the jazz corner of the world.’ The multi-platinum-selling, two-time Emmy and five-time Grammy-nominated entertainer has been a

Continued on page 16

Photo courtesy of the artist

Michael Feinstein’s headlining debut at Birdland Jazz Club happens Dec. 17-28.

December 4 - 17, 2013

Put this bite-sized ‘Carol’ on your lunch menu NY Classical Theatre’s two-person take on Dickens has brevity, wit

Photos courtesy of New York Classical Theatre

Limited time and space — but NY Classical Theatre’s two-person “Christmas Carol” gets the job done. Scrooge goes from grump to goose-buyer, in 15 minutes.

BY SCOTT STIFFLER Second only to Shakespeare when it comes to inspiring liberal (often horrendous) adaptations, there really is no excuse for messing up Charles Dickens’ beautifully structured tale of Ebenezer Scrooge’s overnight conversion from stingy misanthrope to kind and generous soul. Mr. Magoo and Alastair Sim

did very well by the source material, while Fred Flintstone and Kelsey Grammer dropped the ball — and the George C. Scott version is so long and torturous, it was still playing as we went to press. So it comes as a tremendous relief to hear that New York Classical Theatre (whose summertime production of “The Tempest” roamed Battery Park) is behind

this brief, but loyal, two-person version of the often-overlong holiday classic. Brevity and wit are on the menu of “A (15-Min!) Christmas Carol,” in which Scrooge will act rotten, see ghosts and change his ways — all before you can finish your lunchtime sandwich.

Free. At 12:30 & 1:15pm, Dec. 10-12, at One Liberty Plaza (meet by the cafe tables). Also, at 12:30 & 1:15pm, Dec. 18-20, at Brookfield Place (220 Vessey St. — meet by the Winter Garden escalators). For more info, visit brookfi eldplaceny. com/15minCC and newyorkclassical.org.

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December 4 - 17, 2013

Just Do Yule

We take pride in your health.

BY SCOTT STIFFLER

A JOHN WATERS CHRISTMAS

From having doggie doo for dinner to fending off the unwanted advances of a giant lobster, John Waters has a knack for making bad taste feel good. Of course, in Waters’ capable hands, there’s a big difference between celebrating bad taste and elevating what’s just plain distasteful. You need look no further for an example of that than the nearest “Housewives” reality show. Their trashy, train wreck shenanigans are far less appealing than the Baltimore-born filmmaker’s self-proclaimed “celluloid atrocities” in early works such as “Multiple Maniacs” and “Pink Flamingos.” Waters’ up-for-anything drag collaborator Divine may be gone — but the renegade aesthetic they cultivated is alive and well, and placed under a tree that’ll be toppled if Santa doesn’t deliver on those coveted cha-cha heels (see “Female Trouble” for that incident, based on Waters’ childhood memory of the holiday tree falling on Grandma). Create some precious memories of your own by attending “A John Waters Christmas.” Performed only twice this December, the filmmaker, essayist and bane of the Catholic League’s existence will “cruise into town on his sleigh full of smut, spreading yuletide cheer and lunacy.” That boils down to, we’re told, an evening in which the troubled Waters discusses everything from his “compulsive desire to give and receive perverted gifts, to his religious fanaticism for Santa Claus, to an unhealthy love of real-life holiday horror stories.” Fri., Dec. 13 and Sat., Dec. 14. At Stage 48 (605 W. 48th St., btw. 11th & 12th Aves.). Doors 7:30pm, show 8pm. For tickets ($45, $99 for meet & greet), visit stage48.com/events.

YOUTH PRIDE CHORUS

With all due respect to Lady Gaga and the Muppets, this may be the tune-filled holiday spectacular we’ve been waiting

Photo by Greg Gorman

John “The Pope of Trash” Waters puts the “X” in Xmas, in his terribly inappropriate holiday solo show.

for. Yes, Gaga had Elton John and Joseph Gordon-Levitt on her Thanksgiving special — but the out and proud singers of Youth Pride Chorus have the visionary postreligious gospel stylings of Our Lady J and the fierce physicality of youth dance troupe New Agenda. Comprised of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and straight youth ages 13-22, YPC will tear up the stage with their own formidable set list of pop hits (plus a few electrifyingly queer takes on classic holiday tunes). Sat., Dec. 7, at 6 & 8pm. At The Kitchen (512 W. 19th St., btw. 10th & 11th Aves.). For tickets ($20-$45), visit youthpridechorus.org.

Comprehensive Health Care for the LGBT Communities Beth Israel Medical Group 222 West 14th St. • LGBT Family Health • Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Primary Care • Transgender Health 309 West 23rd St., 2nd Floor • Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Primary Care 275 Eighth Avenue at 24th St. • LGBT Senior Health www.LGBTHealthServices.org

Beth Israel LGBT Health Services Photo by Rafael Infante

Get out for the holidays: The Youth Pride Chorus sings pop and seasonal tunes, in their Dec. 7 concert.

Referrals, Community Education & Patient Navigation

December 4 - 17, 2013

Complex Cosme’s Good Cause Filipino photographer’s NYC debut will help typhoon relief ART THE ALTAR BOY: NICCOLO COSME'S SOLO EXHIBITION Through December 22 At Tally Beck Contemporary 42 Rivington St. (btw. Eldridge & Forsyth Sts.) Gallery Hours: Tues.-Sun., 12-6pm Call 646-678-3433 Visit tallybeckcontemporary.com Image courtesy of the artist & Tally Beck Contemporary

BY SCOTT STIFFLER Currently living in Manila, Filipino photographer Niccolo Cosme says that although his city was spared from the devastation of Typhoon Haiyan, “We started to feel its impact day by day. We have never seen anything of this magnitude, where communities, towns and provinces were washed out. We found ourselves in volunteer work every night, assisting in relief operations, at the airbase where the refugees are flown from the typhoon-affected areas. It felt like we were at war. Work, family, the whole Philippines is affected by this event.” When Haiyan hit just over a week before

Image courtesy of the artist & Tally Beck Contemporary

“Sagittae Sebastiani” (digital photograph on canvas, 22 ½ x 19 ½ in, 2012), part of Niccolo Cosme’s solo exhibition at Tally Beck Contemporary.

“Mater Dolorosa Protectrix” (digital photograph on canvas, 34 1/8 x 27 1/8 in, 2013). Niccolo Cosme’s solo exhibition is on view through Dec. 22, at Tally Beck Contemporary.

Cosme was set to make his NYC debut as a solo artist, November 20’s opening night reception at Tally Beck Contemporary was hastily reorganized as a benefit. All of the usual festivities took place, but the evening’s centerpiece was an auction of artwork by Cosme and fellow Filipino artist Lenore Lim — which raised $900 for Red Cross relief efforts. Donations will be accepted at two upcoming talks directly related to the subject matter covered in Cosme’s solo exhibition. On December 11, Tally Beck (whose gallery specializes in Asian contemporary art) discusses Cosme’s use of religious imagery in “The Art of Ecstasy: The Legacy of Sexuality in Counter-Reformation Religious Art.” On December 17, Tally Beck Contemporary will present “Family Tree: Niccolo Cosme and the Photo Personification” — a lecture by NYU’s Anne Hoy (who teaches art history). Both events begin with a reception at 6pm, followed by the talk at 7:30pm. As for the basis of these talks, Cosme’s “The Altar Boy” is comprised of 16 largescale “personification photographs” drawn from the artist’s background as a gay man growing up in the intensely Catholic culture of the Philippines. Inspired by the manner in which Christian imagery was adjusted to the context of different cultures, Cosme uses live models to stage photographs whose hyperrealism, says Beck, “recalls the surrealism of Pierre et Gilles” while referencing ecstatic and hagiographical imagery — Reformationera religious painting and sculpture “that focused on emotionally charged images of saints. These works also blurred the lines between sexual and spiritual ecstasy, and we see this ambiguity in Cosme’s personified photographs.”

December 4 - 17, 2013

Diary of Anne Franxploitation

In Salkind’s satire, Hollywood plays the Holocaust for laughs

THEATER ANNE FRANK SUPERSTAR: A ONE-WOMAN SATIRE OF ANNE FRANXPLOITATION Written & Performed by Betsy Salkind Presented by Playhouse Creatures Theatre Company Dec. 5-7 at 8pm & Dec. 8 at 2pm At The Kraine Theater 85 E. Fourth St. (btw. Bowery & Second Ave.) For tickets ($25), visit smarttix.com For info: betsysalkind.com and playhousecreatures.org Photo by Gail A. Halaban

Not for the easily offended: Betsy Salkind, as Ethel Spiliotes, in “Anne Frank Superstar.”

BY SCOTT STIFFLER West coast comic Betsy Salkind cut her choppers in 80s-era Boston — when standup was still an insular (mostly white) boy’s club. During a rare turn at the mic, she staged her own infamous tea party. “The Emperor’s Getting F***ed,” a confrontational screed about toxic misogyny and racism in local comedy clubs, got Salkind effectively banned from the pro-

fessional circuit. That pushback ended up driving her even deeper into the city’s emerging sketch, improv and performance art scene — where she found kindred spirits (and new fans) by performing in nontraditional venues. A few years later, times and tastes caught up with her ability to mix blunt political material with the silly and the surreal — earning Salkind bookings in New York

and LA comedy clubs, a job writing for the sitcom “Roseanne” and a staff position on Roseanne Barr’s short-lived, criminally underrated FOX sketch show (you’re in good company if you don’t remember “Saturday Night Special”). Salkind emerged from a brief appearance on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” with a signature bit and a cult following. That memorable creation, a cracker-munching “Squirrel Lady,”

somehow makes its way into the multicharacter solo show soon to touch down in the East Village (courtesy of Playhouse Creatures Theatre Company). Based in no small part on her own experiences, “Anne Frank Superstar” is Salkind’s take on the age-old battle between artistic integrity and profit. Opening on the last night of Hanukkah (a happy coincidence, we’re assured), this “one-woman satire of Anne Franxploitation” looks at what happens when television executives decide that the tragic story of a brave little girl in an attic has mainstream hit potential — if they just add a few laughs. Bad idea meets even worse taste, when precocious little 11-year-old Ethel Spiliotes is manipulated into headlining the ill-advised sitcom, “Let’s Be Frank.” As much a commentary about the ease with which we bury unimaginable tragedy as the entertainment industry’s ruthless drive to copyright the next big thing, “Superstar” is Salkind’s latest — but hardly her first — experience with slaughtering sacred cows. Those not easily offended by her Holocaust humor should check out “Betsy’s Sunday School Bible Classics.” Now available for the iPad, it’s a 240-page, NC-17 version of religious morality tales — liberally interpreted by a woman who, prior to becoming a comedian, wrote an MIT Sloan School of Management master’s thesis titled “Can’t You Take A Joke? A Study of Sexual Harassment Among Peers.” No matter what medium she’s working in, Salkind knows how to audit hypocrisy.

Shocking! Mink Stole is ‘warm, gentle and surprisingly normal’ CD delivers a theatrically emotional, quiet cabaret set BY TRAV S.D. Over the course of her long career, Mink Stole has been associated with many shocking projects. But the big shock about her new CD, “Do Re Mink,” is how tasteful it is. After all, her frequent collaborator John Waters wrote the book on bad taste — literally (it’s called “Shock Value: A Tasteful Book About Bad Taste”). So I think I can be forgiven for expecting the album to contain punk music, something sort of Patti Smith-like. Or perhaps some sort of big tacky parody. One can easily picture something along the lines of Tracey Ullman’s 1983 hit song and video, “They Don’t Know.” But while Stole’s most famous screen characters can best be described as monstrous, in real life she comes off as warm, gentle and — a most surprisingly — normal, a sort of Baby Boomer Shirley Jones. Compared with my preconceptions, “Do Re Mink” is what I would describe as a quiet cabaret set. It’s not without funny

nods to her famous persona, though. Tunes include the theme song to the Waters film “Female Trouble” and an anthem to Baltimore by Randy Newman. Most of the tracks are jazzy and piano-based, and like I say, quiet, with a brushed drums kind of mood. Mink’s voice is lovely, relaxed and theatrically emotional. Almost all of the songs have some kind of ironic edge, subtly juxtaposed with her straight-faced renditions, which must go over like gangbusters in live performance. One of the highlights of the record is her French language version of the 1966 Sonny and Cher classic “Bang Bang (I Shot My Baby Down).” But the best new find of the bunch has to be a tune called “No Nose Nanook,” a mock lament about an Eskimo girl with a very special handicap. It seems this is the Mink Stole record fans were expecting after all. Photo courtesy of the artist

Mink Stole’s CD is a tasteful treat.

“Do Re Mink” can be purchased by visiting minkstole.com ($15, $25 for an autographed copy).

December 4 - 17, 2013

Musical, Magical Morsels

Photo by Michael Lamont

Something up their sleeves? Helder Guimarães and Derek DelGaudio claim they have “Nothing to Hide.”

Continued from page 11 friend to the club for years, even highlighting Monday night’s weekly Cast Party on his PBS “American Songbook” series. Lucky audience members will be privy to ravishingly performed yuletide standards and insider stories celebrating the legacy of popular song — making this the nightclub event of the season.

A SWINGING BIRDLAND CHRISTMAS

December 21-25 At Birdland Jazz Club 315 W. 44th St. (btw. 8th & 9th Aves.) All shows 6pm, except Sat. at 5:30pm $30, plus $10 food or beverage minimum 212-581-3080 or birdlandjazz.com

As the late, great Kay Thompson chirped, “It’s the holiday season! So whoop-de-doo, and dickery-dock!” That’s just one tune I’ll be singing with my musical cohorts Billy Stritch and Klea Blackhurst in our fourth year of “A Swinging Birdland Christmas.” If you miss the cozy, traditional Christmas TV specials of yore, this just might be the perfect show for you! Tight harmonies, superstar guests and all-round yuletide euphoria will abound at the iconic jazz room.

NOTHING TO HIDE

Through January 18 Wed.-Fri. at 7:30pm, Sat. at 2pm,

5pm & 8pm Sun. at 4pm & 7:30pm At Pershing Square Signature Center 480 W. 42nd St. (btw. 9th & 10th Aves.) $76.50-$149.50 Call 212-279-4200 Visit ticketcentral.com Also visit nothingtohidenyc.com As a kid, I annoyed children of all ages as “Jimbo the Clown,” with magic, ventriloquism and mayhem, so I have a passing knowledge of card tricks. But this show, directed by TV and Broadway superstar Neil Patrick Harris and starring sleight-of-hand artists Derek DelGaudio and Helder Guimarães, had me slack-jawed and screaming, “How’d they DO that?” This show had a wildly successful theatrical run at the Geffen Playhouse in Los Angeles, and now you can catch the fun Off-Broadway at the Pershing Square Signature Center until January 18. This isn’t your basic bunny-out-of-a-hat show, folks. The delicacy, wit and laser-beam precision is a thrilling thing to watch — and is, as they say, fun for the whole family! Jim Caruso’s “Cast Party” happens every Monday night at Birdland Jazz Club (315 W. 44th St., btw. 8th & 9th Aves.). Doors open at 9pm, show at 9:30pm. $25 cover, $10 food/drink minimum. For info, call 212-581-3080 or visit jim-caruso.com and birdlandjazz.com.

December 4 - 17, 2013

Time Stops on Pier 66 as Post-Sandy Repairs Linger BY ROGER MILLER Time has stopped on Hudson River Park’s Pier 66 — at least according to the clock that counts the rotations of a waterwheel called “Long Time,” a public art piece designed by Paul Ramirez Jonas, 48. While the waterwheel continues to turn both clockwise and counterclockwise with the shifting tides of the Hudson, the clock — damaged by saltwater during Hurricane Sandy in 2011 — stopped at 67,293 rotations. The counter for “Long Time” sits at the bottom of a long list of items in need of repair. Storm-ravaged, and with limited private donations and no public funding, the counter is likely to stay frozen indefinitely. Tom Lindon, 59, vice president of marketing and events for Hudson River Park Trust, said the park is still recovering from the waves of corrosive saltwater that wreaked havoc on much of the electrical wiring in the five-mile long park. “There’s an awful lot that is being repaired as a result of Sandy,” he said. “The counter is not high on our priority list.” During a recent board meeting, trust president and CEO Madelyn Wils said the estimated damage done to the park by Sandy totaled $20 million. Marc Boddewyn, VP of design and construction for the trust, noted that the counter and the plaque originally cost $19,500 — but he was unable to estimate an amount for its repair or replacement. “The wheel itself is pretty darn sturdy,” said Boddewyn. “It was actually happy during Sandy, because it likes the deeper water. You should’ve seen it spinning.” Jonas, who currently teaches art at Hunter College, proposed the 30-foot-diameter wheel and accompanying clock in 2000, and saw his idea realized in 2007 when Friends of Hudson River Park and the Hudson River Park Trust commissioned the project as part of the opening of the Chelsea North section of the park. Lindon said because of the park’s huge footprint — five miles from Battery Park to 59th Street — he couldn’t give a timetable for when everything would be repaired. For the residents and tourists that visit the park, this has meant making due with a few less

functioning fountains and lights. For Jonas, it was a learning experience in the functional mechanics, and finances, of public art. Jonas told Chelsea Now that the problem was there was no way to try a “beta version” of the art installation. Aside from the counter’s susceptibility to saltwater, he said he also overestimated the rate of the waterwheel’s rotation, which he had initially calculated to be five billion rotations per century — by this math, the clock should have counted well over 250 million rotations by the time Sandy stopped the count. “I wanted to create a clock that set the scale of our life span in the context of the lifespan of the river, geology and even the planet,” he wrote. “A sort of ‘you are here’ in time. One that would make you aware that we only have now.” In some ways, the waterwheel still accomplishes this grand aim. A bronze plaque sits in front of the wheel. On it is a curved timeline that stretches back from the earth’s fiery beginnings, all the way into the distant future when the sun is predicted to expand and swallow the earth — on this geological timeline, the history of humanity appears as just a sliver. Even before Hurricane Sandy put an end to the counting of his waterwheel’s rotations, Jonas said he had doubts about permanent works of public art. “On a personal note, after I finished that project I vowed never to make another permanent work of public art,” he said. “I have gone on to make many public art projects that embrace ephemerality and shun permanence.” One of Jonas’ more recent public art projects took place in 2010, when he distributed 24,000 keys throughout New York City to people who felt they or a friend deserved recognition for less widely celebrated accomplishments like acing a math test or being a good friend. While Jonas has since moved on from his first, and last, permanent public art installation, Lindon said the park trust is still trying to raise the funds to repair Hudson River Park’s wiring, and, eventually, its art. He noted that the park raises money through business tenants and vendors, corporate

The Sandy-ravaged counter for Pier 66’s “Long Time” sits at the bottom of a long list of items in need of repair.

Photos by Roger Miller

Everybody’s wheels are spinning — but it will be a quite awhile before the “Long Time” counter resumes its rotations.

sponsored events, concerts and donations raised at events like the October 3 Gala that was hosted by Hugh Jackman, on Pier 57. “Seventeen million people come through Hudson Park a year,” he said. “And we do a

lot of in house programming that’s free. We’re doing well but we could be doing better. There are just so many operations and maintenance costs, so as a department we always strive to do better.”

December 4 - 17, 2013

POLICE BLOTTER Petty Larceny: Stop at ‘Bread’ costs her dough A 19-year-old woman was seated at Panera Bread (330 Seventh Ave.) in the early evening of Wed., Nov. 27, when two young men approached her. Sitting on either side of her, they began making conversation — eventually asking for her signature in support of a youth program, as well as a monetary donation. Shortly after they left, the victim discovered that her phone (which was laying out on the booth, in plain view) was missing. The Apple iPhone, valued at $650, had a tracking app — but by the time it was checked, the thieves had turned the phone off (rendering the location device ineffective).

Petty Larceny: Instagram Scam

windfall, say police, who note that, “The complainant has attempted to contact the perp, but has not heard from him since sending the money.”

Petty Larceny: Dirty deed, clean hands A thief with expensive taste in cheese, blue collar beer proclivities and a real beef against bacteria was arrested — after store employees caught him attempting to exit Gristedes (307 W. 26th St., at Eighth Ave.) in the late afternoon of Wed., Nov. 27. The 40-year-old was observed placing a $3 can of Budwieser, $22 worth of prosciutto and a $5 bottle of Purell into his shoulder bag, then walking past the cashier without paying. He was nabbed, dirty handed, before making use of the sanitizer.

—Scott Stiffler

The medium might be relatively new, but the scam is a textbook example of classic confidence game guile. A 20-year-old man told police that in mid-Nov., he began to communicate with an individual through Instagram. He was told that if he sent his new friend $400 by way of Western Union, he would receive double that amount. The victim quickly complied. He’s still waiting for his

THE 10th PRECINCT Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. 7th & 8th Aves.). Commander: Captain David S. Miller. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212-741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-741-8210. Detective Squad: 212741-8245. The next Community Council meeting, open to the public, takes place at 7pm on Wed., Dec. 18.

CASH FOR GUNS $100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.

THE 13th PRECINCT Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.). Deputy Inspector: Ted Bernsted. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212477-3863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meeting takes place at 6:30pm on the third Tues. of the month.

CRIME STOPPERS If you have info regarding a crime committed or a wanted person, call Crime Stoppers at 800-577-TIPS, text “TIP577” (plus your message) to “CRIMES” (274637) or submit a tip online at nypdcrimestoppers.com.

39T H

ANNUAL

Chelsea Community Church

Candlelight Carol Service A Choir, Congregational Singing & a Reading of “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Actress

Jeanne Ruskin Larry J. Long, Choir Director Christopher Houlihan, Organist

Sunday, December 15, at 6 PM 346

West 20th Street ✠ An Offering Will Be Accepted

Chelsea Community Church is a nondenominational lay-led church that meets every Sunday at noon in historic St. Peter’s Chelsea. 212-886-5463

✠ www.chelseachurch.org

Donegan Honored as 10th Precinct’s ‘Cop of the Month’ At the Nov. 20 Community Council meeting, council president Larry O’Neill (left) and commanding officer Capt. David Miller (at podium) awarded Police Officer Thomas Donegan the 10 Precinct’s “Cop of the Month” honor, for his exemplary work on the evening of October 4. While on patrol, Officer Donegan approached W. 40th St. and Dyer Ave. (an area experiencing a Photo by Scott Stifﬂer rash of robberies and car break-ins), and observed an SUV with a broken window. Further up the block, he approached a man who appeared to be avoiding contact — and with good reason. Officer Donegan noticed broken glass on the man’s clothing and on top of a bag he was carrying. Upon further investigation, it was determined the individual was in possession of property taken from the SUV. Shortly following the man’s arrest, he was found to be responsible for a robbery, a burglary and several car break-ins, all over the course of the past 20 days.

GET ON TRACK TO A GREAT NEW JOB. What kind of work would you like to do? Do you have the skills you need to find and keep a job?

from Queens Library. It’s free. Go to jobmap.queenslibrary.org to get started or phone 718-990-8625.

December 4 - 17, 2013

Mixed Signals, on Bike Stoplight at Risky Intersection Continued from page 5 ed out that the DOT’s response seemed not to have even answered her original request. She was asking for a new, additional signal at the intersection, not a change in the timing of the current signal.

‘A new signal would simply make it safer for us to cross, especially those of us who have to move slowly.’—Sylvia Burns

“I felt like I did everything I possibly could, and nothing happened,” she added. More than a year later, Burns still hopes to keep the issue alive, but has found it difficult to gain any traction since the failure of that past CB4-aided effort. Burns agreed it hasn’t helped that the DOT has not sent a representative to the past three 10th Precinct Community Council meetings. Captain Miller has stated that he asked the agency to send someone each time, but that the DOT “respectfully declined” the invitation.

In his interview, Detective Petrillo added that the DOT had claimed a “conflict of schedules” when declining the precinct’s previous three invitations. Responding to a question about the push for a new signal at West 25th Street and Eighth Avenue, a DOT spokesperson claimed the agency has never received Burns’ petition or any complaints about the issue, but pointed out that the DOT has installed a mixing zone — street markings that separate turning cars from through traffic, and place them alongside the bike lane — at that intersection, which “enhances visibility of cyclists and provides sufficient space for turning vehicles while also enhancing pedestrian safety.” The DOT spokesperson also claimed that the intersection’s current design provides “suffi cient safe crossing time for pedestrians” who are crossing Eighth Avenue, but did not mention the safety of pedestrians who may be crossing West 25th Street. “Whenever we have the light to cross 25th Street, there’s always still the potential for a car, or more likely a bicycle, to make a left turn from Eighth Avenue and possibly injure whoever is crossing,” said Burns. “A new signal would simply make it safer for us to cross, especially those of us who have to move slowly.” “We just want the same safety precautions that they already have on 19th, 21st and 23rd Streets,” she added. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask, and I just want the DOT to stop giving us the runaround.”

www.ChelseaNow.com

22 December 4 - 17, 2013 July 18 - 24, 2013

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EMPLOYMENT Modani New York, LLC is looking for a Marketing Manager, with a Master’s Degree in Hospitality Management or its equivalency. Expand an exclusive line of VIP services around the new offering of furniture packages (designed for the needs of the real estate and hospitality industries); Coordinate nationwide with branches of the Group for a new VIP clientele development: real estate industry and condo-hotels developers; Knowledge of hospitality industry required to develop clientele portfolio; Develop key partnerships and PR strategy; Branding, Online advertising, Web SEO; Hospitality strategic Management; Marketing strategies, Customer Service and merchandising policies; Budget preparation, financial forecasting, ROI evaluation; Organizational skills; Administration of contracts and agreements with partners and suppliers, coordination and project management/VIP concierge skills. Travel often required over ext. periods of time. Adv. Skills required in Web SEO, Photoshop, Myriad software and Pack Office.

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December 4 - 17, 2013

CHELSEA 9

WEST 23rd BETWEEN 7th & 8th

WEST 23RD BETWEEN 7TH & 8TH

EVERY THURSDAY at 7:00 & 10:00 PM

c s e o o s p r H o

7:00 SHOWING HOSTED BY HEDDA LETTUCE

DEC 12TH

Aries A boisterous Happy Hour spent with a friend who has opera tickets leads to an invite, when his plus-one cancels. Dress accordingly!

SATURDAY DECEMBER 7TH 10:00 PM ADM. $10

Taurus Some will see you as out of touch, upon loudly proclaiming your failure to “get” that Hunger Games movie. Just keep your mouth shut when the topic shifts to twerking. Gemini The answer to a nagging question is answered by revisiting certain passages from a once-favorite novel, long ago dismissed as fluff. Cancer Laundry basket, laundry bag or dirty clothes stuffed in a pillowcase? Don’t let your debate with a friend escalate to the point of fisticuffs. Leo Valuable insights will be gained by inserting yourself into the narrative of a gripping tale overheard while dining or commuting. Virgo A trusted ally’s odd behavior is the product of a well-meaning, but misguided, agenda. Politely decline their advice, and move on with your life.

xes

DEC 19TH

INTERACTIVE WITH

HEDDA LETTUCE lounge THURSDAY NIGHT SPECIAL 157 W 24th St. One free drink with your Chelsea Classics ticket stub.

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Libra Your use of harsh abrasives, when soft soap will do the job, puts the structural integrity of a favorite fabric (and a budding relationship) at risk. Lighten up! Scorpio This week’s road to contentment is riddled with 23 painfully inconvenient pebbles. Choose wisely, upon arriving at Thursday’s fork. Sagittarius You’ve zero obligation to display an old holiday decoration that no longer strikes your fancy. Time for new traditions! Capricorn In the face of a dicey situation, standing tough like a tree trunk trumps bending like a reed. Less confident souls observe, and follow your lead. Aquarius You will develop a sudden, then lasting, tolerance for two dishes that have never completely agreed with your stomach. Enjoy! Pisces Why take it on the chin? Become a voracious reader of body language, and avoid that knockout punch with a well-timed slip.

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December 4 - 17, 2013

Home for the Holidays! Chips and Salsa Platter

Party Platters

Cocktail Sandwich or Wrap Platter

An elegant selection of bite size gourmet sandwich or wraps, freshly prepared with an array of cold cuts and assorted cheese from around the world on a bed of lettuce and tomatoes. (served with mayonnaise, mustard and honey mustard on the side)

Sm $50.00 (35 pcs) Md $65.00 (45 pcs) Lg $80.00 (65 pcs)

Large Shrimp Cocktail Platter

The perfect platter for any occasion. Choose one of the following homemade fresh salsas: mild, medium or hot, plus complimentary guacamole.

Sm $30.00 (6-8p) Md $45.00 (10-12p) Lg $55.00 (15-18p)

Crudité Platter

A wide variety of crispy fresh vegetables. Complimentary with the platter is a choice of two dips.

Sushi

Finger Food

20 pcs rolls- California Rolls

(Chicken or beef) $8.99 p/p

California Roll Platter $35.00

Amish Sushi Platter

70 pcs rolls- Tuna, salmon, ebi, eel, yellowtail, avocado and cucumber

$85.00

Sushi Delight Platter

Poached large shrimp beautifully arranged and garnished with lemon wedges and cocktail sauce.

Sm $50.00 (8-10p) Md $65.00 (12-14p) Lg $85.00 (16-18p)

35 pcs rolls- Tuna, salmon, eel, avocado, cucumber. 10 pcs nigiri- Tuna, salmon yellowtail, shrimp, octopus, squid.

Sm $70.00 (6-8p) Md $90.00 (10-12p) Lg $130.00 (15-20p)

Heroes By Foot

$65.00

Fresh Mozzarella Platter

The perfect appetizer: homemade mozzarella cheese, sliced Holland stem tomato, sun dried tomato, fresh basil with olive oil and balsamic vinegar elegantly designed in a floral display.

Sm $45.00 (8-10p) Md $55.00 (10-12p) Lg $70.00 (14-18p)

Assorted Cheese Platter

A unique selection of imported and domestic cheeses garnished with fresh fruits or a gourmet selection of olives with assorted crackers or sliced bread on the side.

X-Sm $40.00 (4-6p) Sm $60.00 (8-10p) Md $80.00 (12-14p) Lg $100.00 (16-18p)

Oven Baked Hors D’oeuvres

A delightful selection of bite size, handmade hors d’oeuvres, including potato puffs, spinach turnover, mini meatballs, mushroom crowns and pigs in a blanket.

Md $55.00 (50 pcs, 8-10p) Lg $110.00 (100 pcs, 16-20p)

Pick from these delicious options; Amish Style, American, Vegetarian and Italian (served with mayonnaise, mustard and honey mustard on the side). Chicken Cutlets, grilled or fried (served with roasted vegetables and fresh mozzarella).

2 foot $45.00 (6-8p) 4 foot $90.00 (12-14p) 6 foot $130.00 (18-20p)

Royal Sandwich or Wrap Platter

An endless array of fresh cold cuts and wraps, all made with assorted cheeses served on a variety of artisan breads and wraps with lettuce and tomato. (served with mayonnaise, mustard and honey mustard on the side)

$8.49 (p/p)

Dessert Platter

A delicious assortment of brownies, cookies, and chocolate garnished with fresh berries.

Salmon Platter

Served chilled or poached with dill sauce, or grilled with teriyaki glaze.

Sm $60 (6-8p) Lg $100 (10-15p)

Meat Entrees

Mini Kebab

Chicken fingers

with special house sauce $8.99 p/p

Mini shrimp kebab $11.99 p/p Stuffed chicken breast

with spinach and feta cheese $8.99 p/p

Mini meatballs $8.99 p/p Buffalo chicken wings with celery sticks and blue cheese dressing $7.99 p/p

Eggplant rollatini $7.99 p/p

Hot Pasta Trays

Marinara, Ala Vodka, Alfredo Siciliana, Milanese Suggested with penne

Baked Ziti

Ziti Baked with Ricotta, Mozzarella, Romano Cheese, Spices with Red Sauce

Half Tray $40.00 (8-10p) Full Tray $80.00 (20-30p)

Stuffed Turkey or Chicken Breast with Spinach and Feta Cheese

Chicken Parmigiana Chicken Franchese in Lemon Sauce Chicken Marsala Swedish Meatballs Italian Meatballs

For all meat entrees please choose one side dish: mashed potatoes, roasted potatoes, white or yellow rice.

Half Tray $55.00 (8-10p) Full Tray $100.00 (18-20p)

Meat Lasagna

Half Tray $50.00 (8-12p) Full Tray $100.00 (18-25p)

Salads

Arugula Salad

Mushroom, Cherry Tomato, Parmesan Cheese

Mediterranean Salad

Romaine, Onion, Olives, Cucumber, Tomato, Feta

X-Sm $35.00 (4-6p) Sm $50.00 (8-10p) Md $65.00 (12-14p) Lg $85.00 (16-18p)

Fancy Mesclun Salad Cucumber, Tomato, Mixed Bell Peppers.

Md $40.00 (10-12p) Lg $50.00 (15-18p)

Please check out our full Holiday Menu at www.amishintribeca.com. Amish Market Tribeca 53 Park Place, New York, NY 10007 T: (212) 608-3863 • F: (212) 608-3864 • amishcatering@gmail.com