Chelsea Now

YOUR WEEKLY COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER SERVING CHELSEA, HUDSON YARDS & HELL’S KITCHEN

A Tale of Two Tenant

Associations

BY EILEEN STUKANE Residents of Chelsea and Hell’s Kitchen who pioneered once-undesirable neighborhoods now find themselves living on favored city streets, where some new owners/landlords are using various means of harassment to push out rent-regulated tenants and convert their homes into market-rate apartments.

In a Dec. 11, 2015 meeting at the Brooklyn offices of Chelsea Now and our sister publications, Manhattan Borough President Gale

THE SNOW MUST GO ON

Continued on page 7

Capital Campaign Launched to Upgrade Waterside Play Area

BY TRAVIS STEWART The Dan Carpenter Community Room at Hudson Guild’s W. 26th St. Elliott Center was the site of a “charrette,” or stakeholders’ brainstorming session, concerning the future of the Chelsea Waterside Play Area.

Convened by the Friends of Hudson River Park Playground Committee, the Mon., Jan. 25 meeting was presented as an opportunity for the community to contribute ideas and concerns about the space, to help the Continued on page 5

FAIRY TALE FASHION Photo by Richard Hillman

Looks can be deceiving, in the realm of evil stepmothers, humble maidens and little girls with red hoods. Turn this storybook to page 18, for an inside look at The Museum at FIT’s new exhibit.

Even covered in snow, legendary playwright, composer, lyricist, actor, singer, dancer and producer George M. Cohan stood tall in Times Square, giving his regards to Broadway. Theatrical press agent and longtime Hell’s Kitchen resident Richard Hillman took this photo on Sat., Jan. 23, after venturing down W. 46th St. “to see what the situation at ‘Hamilton’ was like. Although the cancellation line stretched past the Marriott Marquis, I joined the chilly crowd.” Soon after, The Broadway League determined there was too much white stuff on the ground for the Great White Way to go on with the show. “Those poor folks,” said Hillman of the “Hamilton” hopefuls, “some of whom had been there since 5 a.m. I stepped out of line and walked into Times Square to get a few shots.” Having provided Chelsea Now with a front page photo, Hillman made his way back home. “I am now sitting in front of a lovely fire,” his email read, “drinking red wine. And one for Mahler!”

© CHELSEA NOW 2016 | NYC COMMUNITY MEDIA, LLC, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

VOLUME 08, ISSUE 04 | JANUARY 28 - FEBRUARY 03, 2016

Confusion Reigns at City Council Carriage Hearing

Photos by Yannic Rack

Photo by William Alatriste/NYC City Council.

Pedicab operators queued outside City Hall on Friday to testify against a bill that would ban them from most of Central Park.

The audience resorted to wiggling their hands, after one of the council’s sergeants-at-arms warned that he would kick out those that cheered — or heckled — during the hearing.

BY YANNIC RACK Mayor Bill de Blasio, who as a candidate made political hay out of calls to scrap the city’s horse-drawn carriage industry, found his plan to relocate Hell’s Kitchen’s stables to Central Park kneedeep in muck last week.

At a hearing of the City Council’s Transportation Committee on Fri., Jan. 22, de Blasio’s representatives had a hard

time answering questions surrounding the proposal, such as how much a new stable in the park would cost, where it would be located, and why it was necessary in the first place.

“I think what you’re asking us to buy here is an empty bag with a hole in it,” Queens Councilmember Barry Grodenchik said at one point during the hearing, which drew large crowds of

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January 28 - February 03, 2016

carriage drivers, animal rights activists and pedicab operators into the council’s packed chambers at City Hall.

Most of them came to testify against the new legislation, which would reduce the number of horses licensed to operate the city’s tourist carriages from around 180 to 95 over the next three years, finally restricting an industry that the mayor had once vowed to ban altogether.

After a bill to outlaw horse-drawn carriages in the city failed to garner support last year, the mayor, together with City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito and representatives of the carriage industry, announced two weeks ago that an “agreement in concept” had been reached to curb the trade. But the details proved to be another matter altogether, raising the ire of carriage drivers, park advocates and even pedicab owners — who, under the proposal, would be barred from Central Park below 85th St. On Friday, the councilmembers tried to mediate between the many stakeholders, though tensions ran high. The crowds, which had already been separated while queuing outside, spontaneously broke into applause and heckling, so that officials in the chamber repeatedly had to warn the audience to keep quiet.

“We are here because we care. We care for the pedicabs, we care for animal rights, we care for the jobs of the men and women who work in the carriage industry,” Committee Chair and Upper Manhattan councilmember Ydanis Rodriguez, a sponsor of the bill, said at the start of the hearing. “We want to come up with something that will work for everyone.”

Despite such noble and plentiful goals, the discussion quickly descended into a frustrating routine, as the

councilmembers struggled to get a clear picture of the bill they were supposed to consider.

“The administration did a piss-poor job today of explaining their case and defending this legislation,” said Council Majority Leader Jimmy Van Bramer, of Queens.

“I have to say I came in with a very open mind. But I am more angry than ever because it is wrong to ask councilmembers to take a vote like this when no information is known, too many questions are unanswered, and all this is based on a premise that’s not backed,” he added.

In addition to restricting the number of horses starting this Dec., the bill would also cap each of the city’s 68 licensed carriages to one nine-hour shift per day, and ban rides anywhere except for the park.

“Limiting the operation of horsedrawn carriages to Central Park will eliminate the potential for dangerous interactions between horses and vehicles” on busy Midtown streets, Mindy Tarlow, director of the Mayor’s Office of Operations, told the councilmembers.

But when pressed for details, Tarlow and her team of city officials sent to present the proposal largely stayed vague.

They could not say how much time horse carriages currently spend on city streets, or how many carriage drivers would lose their jobs under the plan.

When asked how many horses had been killed in traffic in recent years, the answer was none (although four have been injured).

The proposed location for the new stable lies on the 85th Street Transverse

Continued on page 10 .com

.com

January 28 - February 03, 2016

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Park With No Name Needs Your Help

Courtesy Hudson Yards/Hell’s Kitchen Alliance

Seen here between W. 33rd & W. 34th Sts. (looking north), the new park near Hudson Yards has yet to be officially named.

BY YANNIC RACK Want to have a say in what the West Side’s new green space will be called?

The as-yet unnamed park that opened north of Hudson Yards last summer is

ready for your suggestions.

The Hudson Yards/Hell’s Kitchen Alliance, the business improvement district (BID) that manages the green, announced last week that it is crowd-

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January 28 - February 03, 2016

An agency of UJA-Federation

State-of-the-art facilities and thrill-seeking adventure courses.

Courtesy Hudson Yards/Hell’s Kitchen Alliance

A view of the play area, between W. 35th & W. 36th Sts., looking south.

sourcing a name for the neighborhood’s newest addition. “We had been going back and forth on names, and it just seemed like a good way to make people aware of the park,” said Bob Benfatto, the director of the Alliance.

You have until Fri., Feb. 5 to submit up to three suggestions through an online survey, which has already garnered around 120 responses.

The park opened last Aug. and currently stretches mid-block from W. 33rd St. to W. 36th St., between 10th and 11th Aves. Its southern tip contains the entrance to the new 34th Street/ Hudson Yards 7-train subway station, and the park also sports fountains, sitting areas and a playground. This year, a kiosk will also open in its northernmost section.

Benfatto said that although it was commonly known as Hudson Park, the city’s Parks department didn’t like the name because it sounded too similar to Hudson River Park, which runs along the nearby waterfront.

“Parks never approved a name for it, and the legislation just calls it ‘midblock park,’” he said.

The playground has already become a hit with local families, he added, and the fountain and sitting areas were teeming with workers during lunchtime this fall.

“There’s not a lot of park space in this area, so we have to take advantage of what we have,” said Benfatto, adding that the Alliance’s two events for Halloween and Christmas attracted

around 200 local families.

The park still has the potential to expand — three more mid-block sections to the north are mapped as parkland, and once funding is secured, they could start sprouting up over the next few years.

“As the area develops, it will become easier to get it done. But we’re halfway there,” said Benfatto.

Christine Berthet, a local resident and Community Board 4 member who just ended her tenure as the board’s chair, has been using the park regularly since it opened.

“I personally love it. I think it’s a tremendous addition to the neighborhood — especially in the summer, when the fountains are gorgeous,” said Berthet, who is also on the Alliance’s board. “We never had a park in this neighborhood, so it really makes a difference.”

Once submissions close, the Alliance’s naming committee will review the suggestions and make a recommendation to the full board of the BID, which will pick a winner sometime in late March.

“It’s going to be everyone’s park, so it’s really valuable that people express how they feel about it,” said Berthet of the crowdsourcing campaign. “We were also hoping that some people would know about the past of this area, and project some of their knowledge into a name.”

To submit ideas, visit hudsonyardshellskitchenalliance.org and click on the link for the survey. .com

Courtesy Friends of Hudson River Park

At left, Chelsea Waterside Play Area in happier (and warmer) times. At right, its present condition.

Ideas Rain Down at Waterside Play Area Brainstorming Session

With Speakers:

Continued from page 1 committee make their decisions about the design and construction of the renovated park.

Located at W. 23rd St. and 11th Ave., the park has gone through many incarnations since it was first acquired by the New York City Department of Parks and Recreation in 1915. From 1923 through 2000, it was known as Thomas F. Smith Park, in honor of a Tammany Hall politician. A campaign begun in the early 1980s resulted in an expanded, renovated park renamed the Chelsea Waterside Play Area. Designed

by Thomas Balsley, the play area features colorful, modern equipment designed by the Danish firm Kompan, including the popular water-spouting “chess piece” statues that form the park’s centerpiece.

Fifteen years down the line, however, there has been wear and tear, and concerned parents and activists have reported a variety of aesthetic and safety-related concerns — including drainage problems, degraded safety surfaces, sharp edges on playground equipment, several non-functioning park features, and a concrete wall that tempts kids to climb (and occasionally fall off) it.

To address these and other issues, the Friends of Hudson River Park, which has jurisdiction over the playground, has announced a $1.5 capital campaign. City Councilmember Corey Johnson has pledged half that amount in city money, and other lead funders include committee members (and capital campaign chairs) Greg and Melissa Wasserman, and The Philip and Janice Levin Foundation — which will match all gifts received through March 31 up to $150,000. The committee’s plan is to raise money through fall of this year, when work on the park will begin, with the goal of a spring 2017 re-opening. .com

Benjamin Dulchin Executive Director of the Association for Neighborhood and Housing Development Photo by Travis Stewart

Friends of Hudson River Park Playground Committee member Greg Wasserman cited the Jan. 25 meeting as part of a process that includes recent surveys and a Dec. 2015 presentation to CB4.

Greg Wasserman led off the Monday meeting on behalf of the committee, citing it as part of a process that has also included surveys conducted at the park, at local schools, on social media, and through the office of Councilmember Johnson. An earlier presentation was made at the Dec. 10, 2015 meeting of Community Board 4’s Waterfronts, Parks & Environment Committee.

The bulk of the session was moderated by Signe Nielsen, of Mathews Nielsen Landscape Architects, which is consulting on the project. She mentioned her firm’s recent experience renovating several local playgrounds, pointing out that she and the firm are well-versed in current New York City safety regulations.

Nielsen enumerated the playground’s safety issues, and showed a PowerPoint Presentation outlining possible new directions for the play area, including themes ranging from the nature-based (incorporating elements like tree logs) to a more graphic, visu-

Continued on page 17

Daniel Hernandez Deputy Commissioner for the New York City Department of Housing Preservation and Development

Andrew Leonard Children’s Defense Fund - New York

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The MVP Snacks of Sunday Sports

BY CARLYE WAXMAN-HUSSERL RDN, CDN Director of Food and Nutrition Services, New York Foundling

Photos by Carlye Husserl

The freshness and immediacy of homemade salsa is something you won’t get from the grocery store.

February 7’s Super Bowl is the football fan’s ultimate cause for celebration.

This winner-take-all matchup between the Broncos and the Panthers caps a holiday season full of parties and events, whose food choices offer tons of temptation, and very little to feel good about the next morning. Instead of the usual game night go-to grub (cheese-smothered nachos, dip-soaked chips, greasy pizza), try some of my recipes for indulgent, but responsible, snacks.

HOMEMADE CHIPS AND SALSA This is something you can make the day of the event — then throw the pita in the oven when the guests arrive, and they’ll come into a home that smells of freshly baked bread! After you see how easy it is to make this salsa, you will never buy from the store again.

Place your homemade salsa in a Mason jar. It’s pretty — and easy to dip a chip in.

INGREDIENTS: For the salsa ¼ red onion

6 roma (plum) tomatoes, chopped 1 jalapeno pepper: remove half the seeds for medium heat, chopped 1 garlic clove 6 tbsp of lime juice 2 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro salt and pepper to taste For the pita: (makes 42 chips) 1 bag of Toufayan low-carb pita bread (or regular) 2 tbsp olive oil kosher salt fresh cracked pepper smoked paprika DIRECTIONS: In a food processor, process the red onion and garlic until smooth. Add the rest of the ingredients (except cilantro), including some salt and pepper. Pulse until a little chunky, but smooth enough to be considered a salsa. Add cilantro at the end, and taste to see if it needs more salt or pepper.

Preheat the oven to 375 to 400 degrees F. Add oil, salt, and pepper to a bowl, then mix with a brush. Take each pita and use either a sharp knife or a pizza cutter to slice each pita into eighths.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and coat with cooking spray. Add each pita, while keeping them separat, with enough space between so they crisp up. Take the brush and brush the tops of the bread with the oil, salt, and pepper mix. Sprinkle the pieces with paprika for added smokiness and visual appeal.

Cook for 15 minutes (checking on them frequently so they don’t burn). Serve with salsa!

NUTRITION FACTS (4 pita chips and 1/4c salsa): Calories: 90. Protein: 1g.

Fiber: 0g. Carbs: 1.5g.

CRISPY SPICY PLANTAIN CHIPS These are just as easy as making pita chips — but be warned: these plantains are addictive (you can’t stop at just a few).

INGREDIENTS: 3 large green plantains 1 ½ tbsp oil pinch of cayenne pepper sprinkle of garlic salt and pepper

Continued on page 13

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January 28 - February 03, 2016

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Laying Down the Bylaws: Organizing a Tenant Association Continued from page 1 Brewer advised that rather than relying on the city, tenants should join together in associations to fight back. She was speaking to what activist organizations see on the rise: the formation of tenant associations in buildings across Manhattan.

Betsy Eichel, Tenant Organizer, Housing Conservation Coordinators (HCC | hcc-nyc.org), noted, “You’re going to get more action as a group than as an individual. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. A tenant association is the most efficient way to get a response.”

KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL TENANT ASSOCIATION According to Brewer, for a successful tenant association, “You have to have bylaws, because sometimes there’s dissension in the group and you can resolve it by going back to the bylaws, so that’s one thing that’s really important. You also have to take notes and minutes, keep your records so they can be managed, and keep financials in transparency mode,” she said during a Jan. 12 phone interview.

“These are the very keys to success — bylaws, minutes, keeping the financial records, making them available to everybody, and then try to have fun and regular tenant meetings. Fun and regular, those are the tenant associations that are really successful.”

Brewer mentioned that effective tenant associations do not wait for a crisis, but meet to discuss issues regularly, and those meetings are often social gatherings with potluck dinners.

When a landlord wants to make a Major Capital Improvement (MCI), said Brewer, “owners often say you [have to pay — hypothetically for a heating system, or new elevator, or new lobby — which is not allowed. If you’re organized, you can learn from the NY State’s Division of Housing and Community Renewal (DHCR | nyshcr.org/Agencies) the specifics about an MCI, but if you are not organized, you might figure, ‘Oh, I’ve got to pay this.’ ” While it is more common for rent-regulated residents to form tenant associations when a new owner buys a building and tenants are waiting for the other shoe to drop, Brewer would like to see both rent-regulated and market-rate tenants come together in tenant associations for the greater good of all. .com

At Avalon Midtown West (AMW), 250 W. 50th St., a building of 546 apartments, the residents of the 100 (421A) affordable apartments would find themselves asking the same questions about their leases and their rights when they ran into each other.

Affordable apartments in the building were not only part of the city’s 421A program but also the state’s Low Income Housing Tax Credit program (LIHTC). “One by one we started gaining strength, and in 2011 we decided to have an informal meeting.

There were five residents including myself,” said Jody Madaras, president of AMW’s Tenant Association for the Affordable Housing Program. “Today we have monthly meetings, and of the 100 units, between 30 and 50 attend every meeting.”

Madaras explains that the building’s tenant association has found success in using a slate of elected officers, and monthly meetings that are conducted according to parliamentary procedure. The group relies on HCC for legal counseling, and the offices of New York State Senator Brad Hoylman and Councilmember Corey Johnson have become involved when critical issues arise.

Some tenant associations may retain tenant lawyers to call upon in crisis situations, but there are a number of pro bono legal organizations in addition to HCC that will advise low-income tenant groups, such as The Legal Aid Society and the New York Bar. Tenants can also find information on where to go for help on legal (as well as other) issues, on the Housing Court website (cwtfhc.org/ for-tenants).

Photo by Yannic Rack

L to R: Douglas Kelley, Tom Cayler and Daniel Schneider live at 517-525 W. 45th St., whose tenant association (which Cayler currently leads) has been protecting the rent-regulated loft residences for 36 years.

A recent success for the AMW tenant association was its ability to correct a mistake made by Con Edison, which wrongly coded, and thereby required, utility payments from residents — including seniors and disabled tenants in affordable apartments that should not have been billed.

It took four years, but by working with HCC and electeds, and contacting Con Edison and the NY Public

Service Commission, the group was victorious.

“According to our leases in the affordability program, heat is to be provided and delivered. The heat was plugged into the electric that we had to pay for, and it was not being delivered,” said Madaras, “so for us, it’s a win, and we’re proud and grateful.”

Had there been no tenant associ-

Continued on page 15

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Squeaky wheel strategy: Betsy Eichel, an organizer with Housing Conservation Coordinators, calls tenant organizations “the most efficient way to get a response.”

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THE WEST SIDE’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER

PUBLISHER

Jennifer Goodstein

EDITOR Scott Stiffler

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Sean Egan

ART DIRECTOR Michael Shirey

GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Rhiannon Hsu Chris Ortiz

CONTRIBUTORS

Lincoln Anderson Lindsay Bu Stephanie Buhmann Jackson Chen Sean Egan Winnie McCroy Puma Perl Yannic Rack Paul Schindler Trav S.D. Eileen Stukane

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Bravo for Motley exhibit To The Editor: Re “Buhmann on Art: Motley at the Whitney” (arts article, Dec. 31): Thank you for giving Archibald Motley some long overdue recognition. I say “overdue” because when I went to the new Whitney recently, my wife and I discovered that this elegant museum had given an entire floor to an American painter, whose work I had never seen or heard of. How, in a long lifetime of looking at art could this be possible? Great art isn’t supposed to be kept out of sight, but this seems to have happened for whatever reason — possibly because he was black.

In any case, I’m happy to have seen this exceptional artistry and regret that he’s no longer around to enjoy his apparent elevation from obscurity. His work deserves to be seen.

falling into the cellar from the street. And sometimes a rubber cone isn’t even there.

Prior to this, the only time I had seen one open was if someone was going up or down doing work. I could go a year without seeing even that. Now I see an open cellar door two, three, four, five times a day. And they are not always the same ones. Clearly, there has been some kind of change.

I find this terrifyingly dangerous, a catastrophe waiting to happen. I fall a lot, so this is particularly unsettling to me. Also, I can see how someone not paying attention for a second could fall into one of these openings, or bump up against the door itself, which is dangerous enough — or trip over something, or slip on the ice, or simply not see it, or be jostled in the street by accident.

I don’t know why this has started to happen so often.

But clearly something new and very dangerous is going on.

What can be done to stop it?

Robert Rothh

Gene Epstein

Serious sidewalk hazard To The Editor: Over the last few weeks, I have seen more and more of those metal cellar doors left wide open for extended periods of time. Usually, they have a red rubber cone in front of them as the only protection to prevent someone from

E-mail letters, not longer than 250 words in length, to Scott@ChelseaNow.com or fax to 212-229-2790 or mail to Chelsea Now, Letters to the Editor, NYC Community Media, One Metrotech North, 10th Floor, Brooklyn, NY 11201.

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Chelsea Now reserves the right to edit letters for space, grammar, clarity and libel. Chelsea Now does not publish anonymous letters.

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Re “Protected Buildings Fraudulently Marked For Destruction” (news, Jan. 21, 2016): The DOB [Department of Buildings] is dysfunctional. In this day and age to not have a centralized system allows for criminal behavior by landlords. If the mayor wants to keep existing affordable housing, this is one fix that should happen NOW. Miki Fiegel

Just demonstrates the power of money in politics. DeBlasio is coming off as a tremendous hypocrite. He can be bought. It only takes a $1 million contribution in the general elections, plus over $100,000 since.

Richard Barnett Re “Veteran Boxer’s Gym Fights for Survival” (feature, Jan. 7, 2016): Love this place. When I trained with Jimmy, not only did I get a great workout, I LEARNED! Get a tailored workout and learn a skill that could potentially save your life — that’s how Jimmy gives more than he asks.

Barbara Levy Steever Ken Gibson It is outrageous that the DOB’s response to this flagrant criminality is to revoke a fraudulently and feloniously obtained permit. No penalty? No referral of the case to the district attorney for felony prosecution? Coddling criminals encourages crime, and tenants and the community are the victims.

PUBLISHER’S LIABILITY FOR ERROR: The Publisher shall

not be liable for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value of an advertisement. The publisher’s liability for other errors or omissions in connection with an advertisement is strictly limited to publication of the advertisement in any subsequent issue.

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Re “Horse Carriage Plan Meets Opposition” (news, Jan. 21, 2016): How about we leave the horses exactly the way they are? They have a home with good care and an easy job. All the concern for their well-being is misplaced. There are thousands of homeless horses in this country. Why aren’t the people who claim to care so much about carriage horses spending their money to help them instead of donating to NYCLASS [New Yorkers for Clean, Livable and Safe Streets], etc.?

A lot of horses could have been saved with the amount of money NYCLASS spent on their anti-carriage campaign.

January 28 - February 03, 2016

Richard N. Gottfried Chair, Health Committee at New York State Assembly

There’s no mention of the cost to do the additional studies and research to answer all the questions that came up.

Certainly that won’t be cheap. Defending against any legal challenges that come up if the bill is passed won’t be cheap either.

Time for the City Council to vote “NO” on the bill, so they can move on to dealing with more important matters.

A very good article, and I am proud and happy to be a part of this. Jimmy and X-Fit are an added bonus to the Chelsea area, and deserve our support.

Vera Konig

Nancy Preisser .com

POLICE BLOTTER Counterfeit cops still on the loose

PETIT LARCENY: Video a no-go

Back in Dec., two men impersonating officers of the law stole from a 23-year-old woman, and the NYPD is looking for community assistance in apprehending them. At about 6:40 a.m. on Sat., Dec. 12, the victim was sitting in her car when she was approached by the two men, who produced a bogus badge while claiming to be narcotics officers. Telling her they needed to search the car, she exited the vehicle. While one pretened to be reporting their activity on the sidewalk, the other “investigated the car” — helping himself to an undisclosed amount of cash and the victim’s cell phone. She was able to provide descriptions to the authorities, and video just prior to the incident, showing both suspects, has been released. Anyone with information is urged to contact NYPD’s Crime Stoppers at 800-577-TIPS, nypdcrimestoppers.com, or text 274637 and enter “TIP577.” All calls are kept strictly confidential.

At about noon on Wed., Jan. 20, an unknown male entered the W. 14th St. Apple Store (at Ninth Ave.) and helped himself to a brand new iPhone 6 Plus (valued at $849). The man fled in an unknown direction — and, unfortunately, camera footage could not be accessed.

THE 10th PRECINCT Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.). Commander: Deputy Inspector Michele Irizarry. Main number: 212-7418211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226.

Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-9243377. Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meets on the last Wed. of the month, 7 p.m., at the 10th Precinct or other locations to be announced. The next meeting is Feb 25.

THE 13th PRECINCT Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. Second & Third Aves.). Deputy Inspector: David Ehrenberg. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-4773863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meets on the third Tues. of the month, 6:30 p.m., at the 13th Precinct. The next meeting is Feb. 16.

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GRAND LARCENY: Grocery grabber prefers personal property to produce Usually criminals stick to the food when plundering from grocery stores — but this thief had a different shopping list. At about 4:15 p.m. on Fri., Jan. 22, a 21-year-old shopper at Whole Foods (250 Seventh Ave., at W. 24th St.) noticed that her property was removed from her grocery cart. Chief among the items taken was an Apple Macbook Pro laptop (valued at $1,399), as well as various IDs and credit cards, a $125 wallet, and a $250 black leather tote bag. While video footage was available, a request to access it was denied.

PUBLIC LEWDNESS: Perv protects privates with print media At about 9:30 p.m. on Fri., Jan. 22, while a Brooklyn-bound L train passed Sixth Ave., a man clad in sweatpants entered a car, then stood facing an unsuspecting 21-year-old Manhattanite — covering himself with a newspaper in one hand, with the other down the front of his pants. After a short while, he moved the paper to reveal himself fondling his genitals, only covering back up after the victim made eye contact with him. Deciding she’d had enough of this unsolicited display, the victim snapped a pic of the perv, and switched seats. Soon thereafter, another woman approached the victim, saying that the same thing happened to her just before. The two got off at the Bedford Ave. stop, and were able to tell an officer at the Eighth Ave. & W. 14th St. subway station.

An investigation into the matter by the Manhattan Special Victims Squad is ongoing.

PETIT LARCENY: Crooked cabbie requests ransom A tourist’s unfortunate encounter with a taxi driver left her cell phone in a hostage situation.

Recounting an incident to the police on Fri., Jan. 22 at about 11:22 p.m., a 60-year-old visitor to our city said that after leaving a taxi at the southwest corner of W. 17th St. & Ninth Ave., she realized her phone was still in the vehicle. A friend of hers called the taxi company, looking for the driver. Once she got him on the line, however, the dastardly driver demanded $500 in exchange for returning the phone. No arrests have been made in connection to the incident, and the woman’s $849 iPhone 6s remains out of her possession.

Courtesy DCPI, NYPD

The two fake cops — both described as black men in their 30s, about 6’1.” The first is described as having brown eyes, a light complexion, being bald, and last seen wearing a gray sweater, gray sweatpants, black jacket and black sneakers. The second, as having a dark complexion and last seen wearing a light colored jacket, black pants, white sneakers and carrying a light colored backpack.

LEAVING THE SCENE OF ACCIDENT/ PROPERTY DAMAGE: Slow-motion sideswipe Hit-and-runs are usually most successful when the fleer actually “runs” off — but inclement conditions didn’t stop one bus driver from doing his darndest to circumvent the consequences of a collision. At about 7:35 p.m. on Fri., Jan. 22, a 33-year-old New Jersey resident was stuck in traffic at the northeast corner of Ninth Ave. & W. 42nd St., when a bus sideswiped his vehicle. Despite vehicular congestion, the bus driver was somehow able to flee the scene of the crime — but not before the victim was able to ascertain it was a New Jersey Omnibus and obtain its license number.

—SEAN EGAN January 28 - February 03, 2016

9

Horse Carriage Plan Fails to Win, Place or Show Continued from page 2 and is currently being used for park maintenance — but Tarlow couldn’t commit to the stable ultimately being built there, and didn’t say how much its renovation would cost. Pressed by the councilmembers, she did promise that it would not take up any public space.

“The goal is to have no impact on recreational use,” she said. “We will not take up any precious park space.”

Nevertheless, the plan didn’t go down so well with park advocates. Tupper Thomas, executive director of the nonprofit New Yorkers for Parks and a former longtime senior city Parks official, questioned the impact the stable would have on parkgoers, and criticized the investment of public dollars in the project — which is expected to cost at least $25 million.

“Parks are not just vacant, city-owned property. They belong to the public,” Thomas said.

“The city needs to give this proposal a much more careful analysis, and New Yorkers need to be able to ask questions.”

The sentiment was echoed by pedicab operators, who turned out in droves to

Photos by Yannic Rack

Representatives of the carriage industry spoke out against the bill. From left, Conor McHugh, manager of Clinton Park Stables on W. 52nd St., carriage owner Stephen Malone, and Demos Demopoulos, secretary-treasurer of the Teamsters union.

protest the proposal (in total, over 100 members of the public signed up to testify at the hearing). Even though they were not part of the discussions for the deal, the bill includes a ban on pedicabs in the park below 85th St. — which drivers say will put them out of business.

“It just came out of nowhere, out of left field,” Frankie Legarreta, who has been driving a pedicab in the park for six years, said before the hearing, as he queued outside.

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“We don’t even know why we’re a part of this bill. As far as common interest for the public goes, we are definitely a plus,” he said.

Asked about that part of the bill, Tarlow told the councilmembers that it was “appropriate.” She said the administration believed the deal was balanced and would not reduce business for any of the stakeholders involved.

At one point, members of several animal rights advocacy groups left to rally for the bill outside, on the steps of City Hall. Groups including the ASPCA, PETA and The Humane Society support the legislation, as does New Yorkers for Clean, Livable and Safe Streets (NYCLASS), which lobbied for a ban of the carriage industry during the race for mayor (and made significant donations to de Blasio’s campaign).

The group came out strongly in favor of the compromise only a day after expressing lukewarm approval, saying that the bill did “not go far enough” in protecting the animals.

“Our commitment to this cause has always been and will always be driven by our goal of protecting the well-being

of carriage horses,” Allie Taylor, the organization’s executive director, said at the hearing.

As for the carriage drivers themselves, many of them testified against the bill, arguing that scaling back the number of horses — which would be reduced to 110 by this June and to 95 by the time the stable is built — as well as limiting their shifts to one per day, would spell their demise.

“We are not against the idea of the stables in Central Park, but we are against the timeline,” said Conor McHugh, a carriage owner and manager of Clinton Park Stables on W. 52nd St. “This bill, in its current form, is effectively a carriage ban. It will bankrupt the industry, and we will be gone before we ever get the chance to move into the park,” said carriage driver Josh Sausville, who came to testify in the same gray overcoat and black top hat that he wears on his tours through the park.

“This is just trying to put us out of business,” he added.

Many of the councilmembers agreed.

“These are men and women’s livelihoods that we are asking to disrupt,” said Queens Councilmember Costa Constantinides. “Why are we asking them to take a huge leap of faith if we’re not able to guarantee anything yet?

“This could potentially be a death by a thousand paper cuts,” he added.

Demos Demopoulos, secretary-treasurer of the Teamsters union, which represents the carriage drivers, said that they were still trying to negotiate a favorable deal with the administration, to preserve as many jobs as possible.

The earliest date for a vote on the bill is at the next full meeting of the Council, on Feb. 3. With the amount of unanswered questions raised at the hearing, however, the issue might still stick around for a little longer.

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Photos by Carlye Husserl

Plantains are a great source of potassium and vitamin C. Make sure you use a paring knife to cut the skins away from the edible portion.

Those skins are tough and won’t come off with a vegetable peeler!

Continued from page 6

DIRECTIONS: Preheat the oven to 375-400 degrees F. Peel the plantains (they’re very tough, so you’ll need that paring knife). Slice them all very evenly. If you have a mandolin, now is the time to use it!

Toss in a bowl with remaining ingredients. I like kosher salt here, as it brings out the flavor well when roasting.

Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, coated with cooking spray.

Bake for 10 minutes, then serve in a big basket next to the TV. NUTRITION FACTS: Per Serving (yield of 5): Calories: 100. Protein: 1g. Carbs: 15g. Fiber: 1.5g. Net Carbs: 13.5g.

EGGPLANT CROQUETTES These veggies are smaller and tastier than your average potato croquette. This recipe makes about 25. I like to make these in advance, cook them, place in a freezer bag, and then just pop them back in the oven for 20 minutes or so to reheat.

INGREDIENTS: 4 medium eggplants 1 cup of mashed potatoes 1 egg 5 oz feta 3 tbsp Parmesan cheese ½ tsp salt 1 pepper 1 ½ cup breadcrumbs DIRECTIONS: Poke holes in the eggplants, and broil .com

Does It Have The Apple Logo?

Plantain chips are delicious, and something fun to munch on during the game.

in the oven for about an hour. Make sure to keep an eye on them. To avoid making a mess of your oven, wrap in tin foil and place on a baking sheet.

Once the hour is up, remove the eggplants and place foil over them. Let it sit for about 20 minutes until cool. Then slit the each eggplant from top to bottom.

Steam will escape, and then you can open up the eggplant and scoop out the flesh inside. This cooking method helps to kill that bitter taste of the eggplant. Let it sit a little longer, so it’s not too hot to handle.

Discard the skins.

Using a colander, drain out the excess water from the eggplant. Place all ingredients (except for breadcrumbs) in one bowl, and mix well.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Sprinkle all of the breadcrumbs on a clean work surface.

Remove the mix from the bowl and form it into a uniform ball. Cut that ball into four equal parts. From each part, roll out a long thin log (about one inch thick) right into your breadcrumb mixture. This is going to be a bit gooey at first (after it rolls into breadcrumbs, it will become firmer). Place each of those long logs onto the lined baking sheet. Refrigerate for an hour.

Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Cut each long log into about five uniform pieces.

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Spray the tops of the croquettes. Bake for an hour, turning every 15 minutes, until evenly browned. Serve with hummus or marinara sauce.

NUTRITION FACTS (per croquette): Calories: 61. Protein: 3g. Carbs 9g. Fiber 3g. Net carbs: 6g.

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Tenant Leaders Walk Line Between Assertion, Aggression Continued from page 7 ation to understand the fine print in leases, there may not have been this “win” for affordable housing residents.

Not to be overlooked, however, is the fact that some residents can become nervous about joining a building’s tenant association. “Many tenants I work with, they really don’t want to rock the boat. They really are scared, afraid. They don’t know that other people are experiencing the same circumstances,” said Eichel.

Residents can become wary of consequences that may befall them from an angry landlord, who has the power to turn off the gas. Landlord power can shift to tenant power, however, when a strong tenant association, one that can call a rent strike, exists.

In addition, residents can sometimes disagree with a tenant association president’s approach. “I would say that about a quarter of the people feel that I’m too aggressive, and that I alienate the landlord, and then there are tenants who feel very strongly that I’m not aggressive enough, that I haven’t taken the landlord to court,” says Tom Cayler, president, 517-525 W. 45 Tenant Association. “In 2003, when I became president, I had to make myself a promise that I would never give up, never back off, and I would never stop.”

As reported in Chelsea Now (“Vigilant Tenants Document Fraud and Take Action,” Dec. 23, 2015) Cayler’s buildings’ tenant association authorized a $1,000 payment to a topographic surveyor to prove that

avaloncommunities.com

Photo by Louise Wateridge

Nearly half of the building’s 421A tenants attend the monthly meeting of Avalon Midtown West’s Tenant Association for the Affordable Housing Program.

At a Dec. 2015 meeting at NYC Community Media’s offices, Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer stressed the importance of tenant organization as a response to landlord harassment tactics.

building height measurements the landlord’s architect had submitted to the NYC Department of Buildings (DOB) for new construction were at best a mistake, and at worst, falsified.

The group’s investment proved wise, as the plans were disapproved.

“I had sleepless nights,” Cayler recalled, “I was pretty sure I was right but I was spending other people’s money to prove that the landlord had done this incorrectly.” The W. 45 Tenant Association has existed for 36 years so far, protecting the rent-regulated loft residences in the five-building complex.

ants to help the group attain its goals, but it also needs help from the community, which in turn should receive reciprocal support from the association, as the circle goes ’round.

“You have to go out to community board meetings, to forums, to meet the electeds and talk to them. If you really want to be effective, you have to talk to other people, you have to show up.

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Renovation Pending for Hudson River Park Play Area

Photo by Travis Stewart

Approximately two dozen people braved the post-blizzard slush to weigh in on what elements of Chelsea Waterside Play Area should change, improve, or remain as is.

Continued from page 5 ally-based approach similar to the one now in place. A key issue she broached was the fact that the current configuration has but a single drain to collect all the water in the park, which often gets clogged, causing frequent back-ups.

Dealing with this and the worn-out safety surface will likely necessitate the moving of some playground features, and the elimination of others, according to Nielsen. “We don’t want to eradicate the good things,” Nielsen said.

“Think of this as a blank slate on which we have the opportunity to draw.”

About two dozen neighborhood parents and grandparents were in attendance. Most of those present shared their thoughts. Their concerns about the existing space included “chaotic traffic patterns,” a lack of shade and places to sit, a need to protect smaller children from the wilder play of older children, and most of the above-mentioned safety issues.

Various participants expressed hopes for such elements as more trees, artificial topographical features (i.e., small hills), boulders, and real or synthetic turf. Several expressed a desire to “keep it simple” and to leave ample space “for kids to run around in.”

The youngest in attendance at the meeting was easily 10-year-old Lane, who sat next to her mom, and boldly .com

contributed the perspective of a bona fide, current playground user. She listed her favorite activities as “running and jumping over things,” “playing King of the Mountain” and “twirling around.” She cautioned the committee to “think like a child” in order to build a park “everyone can use.”

At the other end of the life experience spectrum was Robert Trentlyon, founder and former longtime president of the Chelsea Waterside Park Association, and one of the prime advocates/organizers of the 2000 renovation. Trentlyon was adamant that the present renovation ought to retain the distinctive architectural elements introduced in the 2000 design. He urged that the present Balsley-designed water towers be retained, adding, “If they are taken out, I will do everything in my power to see that they’re replaced.”

Nielsen reiterated that no decisions have been made as yet about the future configuration of the playground.

The Friends of Hudson River Park Playground Committee (hudsonriverpark.org/playground) has also announced an “inaugural luncheon,” to take place on Fri., Jan. 29, with proceeds “to benefit the Park’s maintenance, beautification and operational needs.” Councilmember Johnson and New York State Senator Brad Hoylman, both longtime advocates of Hudson River Park, are expected to attend.

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ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT Once Upon a Time, Told With Style

Fairy tales get the high fashion treatment at FIT

BY LINDSAY BU In the storybook realm of evil stepmothers, handsome princes, little mermaids and humble maidens, any old talking mirror on the wall will tell you that appearances count — and things are not always as they appear.

Told with style and flair, the “Fairy Tale Fashion” exhibit, on view through April 16 at The Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology, uses the work of designers such as Rodarte, Christian Louboutin and Alexander McQueen to bring a refreshing complexity to the “happily ever after” arc of familiar narratives from the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson, Lewis Carrol and others.

“The first thing that I did when I got this topic approved was pick up a book of stories by Charles Perrault,” says associate curator Colleen Hill. “I had no idea of the history of fairy tales, but it turns out that this work, published in 1697, is considered to be the first major work of fairy tales.”

Approaching the stories with a fresh eye “really helped me to hone in on what I wanted to do, instead of trying to cover this over-arching concept of what a fairy tale is.” A defining moment came during Hill’s reading of “Sleeping Beauty,” which had a “funny reference to the fact that her clothing was outdated. So I thought it might be more fun to track these sort of details and concepts, and then use fashion to illustrate that.”

The gallery space is divided into four settings: Forest, Castle, Sea, and Parallel Worlds, each incorporating a number of location-relevant fairy tales, and various renditions of each familiar story. In the Parallel Worlds section, for instance, a striking blue Manish Arora dress inspired by the Queen of Hearts’ army of cards in Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” is placed next to a white frilled dress by Undercover.

The latter outfit pays homage to Czech director Jan Švankmajer’s “Alice,” a 1988 take on the Lewis Carroll classic. “Alice” embodies the unsettling eeriness that defines Švankmajer’s work, with his characteristic use of stop motion, taxidermy, and animal skeletons. Undercover’s ensemble evokes this with the © The Museum at FIT dingy pastel frock, similar to the one worn by the film’s Manish Arora dress, 2010 titular character. (remade 2015), illustrating While some designers like Undercover make pieces “Alice in Wonderland.”

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to portray the essence of specific literary or film works, others deviate from the established descriptions and use their creative freedom to present an idea in a new light. During a guided tour led by Hill, she chuckles as she points to a Giles Deacon gown from his Fall 2012 collection that is supposed to depict Cinderella’s worn and tattered rags — “rags that are, in fact, really beautiful and fashionable,” notes Hill. The gown is stunning, ethereal with its layers of soft lavender tulle and gentle tears that expose white fabric underneath. These exposed areas of white, which are outlined in dark violet and grey, are the result of a blowtorch; yet, the gown is still somehow delicate and elegant despite (or perhaps because of) these burns.

“I wanted to give the sense that perhaps Cinderella has these beautiful garments, and when she is made to be this cinder-maid, they’re kind of charred and ruined over time,” says Hill.

Though Hill ultimately collected these different pieces and portrayed various stories through clothing, she also explained that, in many of the fairy tales, style is already very important for the characters.

In “The Wizard of Oz,” Hill explains, “There’s actually this underlying obsession with fashion that Dorothy has throughout the tale that’s kind of lost in the movie.” She cites the example of when, before Dorothy embarks on her trip to Oz, she goes back into the house to change into a blue and white gingham dress, because she wants to look good for her journey. On display is a 1942 Adrian gingham dress, with a loose red and blue bowtie at the neckline. The pleated arm sleeves and distinct cerulean blue of the checked cloth are reminiscent of Dorothy’s original gingham outfit in the 1939 film — which is unsurprising, because Adrian was the film’s costume designer.

According to Hill, even Snow White — who’s perhaps defined by her rosy cheeks and naïveté — also has a sense of vanity that shapes her behavior in early versions of the story. In the original Brothers Grimm tale, Snow White wants to have colorful corset laces and her hair to be perfectly combed. In fact, the evil queen appeals to Snow White by making a poisonous apple that looks like her. In a small glass box on the platform is a dazzling Judith Lieber minaudière in the shape of an apple, and next to it is a life-size glass coffin with an Alice + Olivia rhinestone-encrusted, black organza gown lying down inside.

Continued on page 19 .com

© 2016 The Museum at FIT

Clothing illustrating “Little Red Riding Hood.” L to R: 18th century cloak, 19th century nightgown, 1970s cloak by Giorgio di Sant’Angelo, cloak by Altuzarra, dress by Dolce and Gabbana, ensemble by Comme des Garçons. Chanel No. 5 video courtesy of Chanel.

Photo by Lindsay Bu

A Giles Deacon gown from his Fall 2012 collection, illustrating the raggedy dress that Cinderella wears while doing chores (though the dress is not so shabby here).

Lots of Little Red Riding Hoods Continued from page 18 The breadth and diversity of pieces displayed in “Fairy Tale Fashion” are what make the installation so remarkable. The exhibit presents beautiful articles of clothing and accessories by some of the most renowned designers — but more importantly, it depicts the beauty of interpretation: that one story can have the power to inspire vastly different works of art.

It is in this space that six different scarlet cloaks inspired by “Little Red Riding Hood” have gathered in front of an ominous green backdrop, and a long Yoshiki Hishinuma snakeskin gown shines just as much as the Alexander McQueen snakeskin mini-dress next to it.

Hill’s curatorial work provides the public with something both children and adults can enjoy — referencing stories that many are familiar with, while noting nuances in the various version of the same story.

“I think what’s fascinating is that the stories themselves don’t seem that complex when you read them, because they tend to be very short and they often have a sort of moral. But when you really start to think about them a little more deeply, and taking these references to fashion and portraying them in light of fashion history, you can get a lot more of the subtleties and interesting concepts,” concludes Hill.

Free. Through April 16 at The Museum at FIT (Seventh Ave. at 27th St.). Hours: Tues.–Fri., 12–8 p.m.; Sat., 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Closed Sun. and Mon. Call 212-217-7999 or visit fitnyc.edu/museum. .com

© 2016 The Museum at FIT

Ensemble illustrating “The Little Mermaid.” L to R: dresses by Thierry Mugler, Norman Norell and Rodarte.

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The Bon Mot Family Slingers ‘Our Mother’s Brief Affair’ keeps truth at a distance

© Joan Marcus, 2016

Bench press: Despite their persistent questioning, Anna (Linda Lavin, center) knows how to hold her children at arm’s length.

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BY SCOTT STIFFLER It’s easy to enjoy — but hard to believe — the central character in this flashback-heavy tale of a mother’s confession and the unsettling ripple effect it has on her surviving children. If only that assessment didn’t apply to the play as well.

During one of many “cry wolf” calls to her deathbed, Anna (Linda Lavin) — a stubbornly tart husk of the shag rug-loving, Burberry trench coat-wearing, Mary Higgins Clarkreading Long Island mother she was in her prime — lets loose with a doozy, telling grown-up gay son Seth (Greg Keller) about the affair she had when he was 15.

But are her tales of park bench flirtations and hotel room trysts (engaged in while a youthful Seth took weekly viola lessons at Juilliard) the product of a dying truth-teller, a victim of “mental mayhem natural to someone who’d had too many operations, and way too much anesthesia,” or a vain revisionist gunning for space in the competitive obituary page her son writes?

After just over two hours’ worth of anecdotes told, dots connected and observations made, Seth and his twin sister Abby (Kate Arrington) — still no closer to an answer they can live with — are reduced to wondering, “…who are you?”

Despite its finely calibrated, audience-pleasing quips and volleys (and there are many), Tony-winning writer Richard Greenberg’s layered, but ultimately wafer-thin play sends you on your way with the feeling of having been cheated out of an investment — not in time spent, but in characters ill-served by one too many plot twists that tantalize, then fail to deliver.

Full of juicy details that force a reassessment of the parent they only thought they knew, Anna’s brief affair is grist enough for her befuddled children. However, the even more disturbing revelation that caps Act I plays itself out as little more than a feat of parlor trick misdirection, as does a “Rosebud” moment from Anna’s childhood.

That origin story, though, is beautifully written and wrenchingly

played — and if this single callous act seems incapable of causing Anna to proclaim, “I wasn’t worthy of the good things,” only to make those around her suffer for decades, then something must have done the job. How else to explain the deceased father’s only appearance? (“Everybody with their ‘oh mom’s so sick, mom’s so frail’ — she’ll live forever; one day I’ll drop down dead,” he says.)

Recalling what a lousy patient she was during those rounds of getting sick and getting well, Abe (John Procaccino, also cast as Anna’s lover) musters a level of rage so genuine and insightful that it makes the endless comedic observations of Seth and Abby seem as if they belong in a separate, far less important, universe.

Not helping matters: The brother and sister deliver their pithy quips directly to the audience. It’s not long before this has the unfortunate effect of turning the Samuel J. Friedman Theatre into a downscale basement comedy club, where cascades of laughter, although well-earned, distract from the business of drilling deep enough to tap what really lurks below the surface.

Punchline imperative notwithstanding, Greenberg’s knack for heartfelt moments, achieved with stunning bursts of prose, keeps the whole “Affair” from drifting into sitcom territory — making the experience a disappointment only in the sense of potential not realized because of the roads not taken.

As the elusive title character, Linda Lavin (whose Feb. 1 “First Farewell Concert” at Birdland Jazz Club you really need to see) has no trouble distinguishing this performance from others in the “formidable parent” genre typical of her recent stage work. So perhaps it’s not such a bad thing to say you can’t quite figure your mother out. Best to show her some love while she’s still around.

For tickets ($60-$140), visit telecharge.com or call 212-239-6200.

At the Samuel J. Friedman Theatre (261 W. 47th St., btw. Broadway & Eighth Ave.). For info on MTC, visit ManhattanTheatreClub.com. .com

Courtesy Rachel Uffner Gallery

Installation view, “David Armacost: Open Time.”

Two Spaces, Parallel Narratives ‘Open Time’ showcases similar explorations of Armacost, Planck

BY STEPHANIE BUHMANN Often working within arm’s reach of each other, David Armacost and Nikholis Planck pursue a similar exploration of painting. Honoring this unusual rapport, their individual efforts are showcased side-byside in “Open Time” — an exhibition dedicated to notions of opportunity and potential in the creative process. In fact, both Armacost’s and Planck’s paintings reflect a sincere devotion to material experimentation. They also prove to have a keen interest in creating layered compositions that are able to convey personal experience.

By assigning two spaces to their parallel narratives, the gallery aims to evoke the trail of stimulating conversation that has sparked and underlined many of the artists’ works in the past. However, it also promises to become an independent installation in itself, blurring the divide between studio practice and public exhibition.

Through Feb. 20 at Rachel Uffner Gallery (170 Suffolk St., btw. E. Houston & Stanton Sts.). Hours: Wed.–Sun., 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Call 212-274-0064 or visit racheluffnergallery.com.

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Courtesy Rachel Uffner Gallery

Installation view, “Nikholis Planck: Open Time.”

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Rhymes With Crazy

BY LENORE SKENAZY It is a cruel joke that the Super Bowl comes just a little over a month after we have resolved to forsake all wings, chips, dip, pizza, soda, beer, cheese sticks, Cheez-Its, Cheetos, and anything else that is bright orange and vaguely food-like.

Ha. That’s why every year at about this time, the press turns its hungry eyes to Charles Platkin, aka The Diet Detective, aka Hunter College distinguished lecturer, to give us some of his trademark “equivalencies.”

For instance: To work off the calories of a one-foot Italian sub sandwich would require you to walk the entire length of the Brooklyn Bridge — 14 times. That’s a Dr. Platkin equivalency.

So are these: Four swigs of Bud Light equals eight minutes of playing pro football.

One handful of pita chips with artichoke dip equals running 141 football fields.

Working off one measly Cheeto — one! — equals chanting and waving around a foam hand for two minutes.

And God forbid you scarf down four Domino’s Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Bacon & Jalapeno sticks — that requires 193 touchdown dances.

So how did Platkin, a lawyer, publisher, technologist, real estate guy, and bestselling author, become obsessed with translating calories into everyday (and sports-watching related) activities? It all started when he was young — and tubby.

“I remember my doctor saying, ‘You’re not going to have a good social life, because you’re fat,’” says Platkin.

“And I was like, ‘You don’t know what

Be Worth Your Weight in Equivalencies you’re talking about.’ But the truth was, I was ostracized as a child.”

He was still overweight in early adulthood when he decided to write a book on how to truly change your life. This was after he’d gotten the law degree, but still was floundering — and single.

“I was confused. I was thinking about changing behavior. I was overweight and had terrible relationships.”

So, for three years, he researched how real behavior change happens.

He was finally ready to hand in his manuscript when he realized, “I hadn’t changed one behavior of my own!” So he decided to actually follow his own advice and, at last, he started losing weight. He also realized that the fact that he ended up “with difficult and strange kinds of women” had an underlying cause: him.

“I’d always thought it was random.”

Changing required that word we hear so often lately: mindfulness. He had to pay attention to what he ate, and when (and who he dated, and why).

He also had to stop feeling too embarrassed to ask for things like a plain grilled chicken breast when he went out to eat. In other words, he had to stop being ashamed to admit he knew he was fat and wanted to lose weight.

He folded his stories into the book, and it became the bestseller “Breaking the Pattern.”

The great thing about mindfulness, Platkin says, is that you don’t have to be mindful forever.

“If you had to Google Map every day to figure out what floor your office is on,” that would be painful (and you would need some other kind of help).

But after a short while, of course, you know the drill.

It’s the same with figuring out what your food patterns are. And once you notice that every night, right before bed, you eat a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s, well then, all you have to do is start figuring out a “food swap” — an alternative. For Platkin, he started making swaps just like the ones you can make on Super Bowl Sunday: toasted pita points instead of chips. Pizza without the mozzarella — add your own Parmesan. Slow-churned Breyers instead of Ben & Jerry’s.

The idea is to concentrate not on what you can’t have, but on what you can. And since we gobble down many foods without realizing just how fattening they are, he popularized the “equivalencies.” FYI: One bowl of chili equals more than an hour of cheerleading.

These days, Platkin is married and has a daughter. One day, a couple years ago, he was walking her to school and saw her holding her tummy in. He asked why. Well, of course, she was practicing looking skinny.

“I just want you to know that you don’t ever have to worry about dieting or any of these things,” he told his daughter. “Life is not about forsaking.

It’s about embracing who you are and what you love.”

So long as it’s not Domino’s Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Bacon & Jalapeno.

Lenore Skenazy is a keynote speaker who authored the book, and founded the blog, Free-Range Kids (freerangekids.com).

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