Chelsea Now

YOUR WEEKLY COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER SERVING CHELSEA, HUDSON YARDS & HELL’S KITCHEN

Food Fest Fills Hell’s Kitchen With International Flavor

Courtesy 9th Avenue Association

Leave your passport at home, but bring your appetite. This weekend, from 10am–6pm, the 9th Avenue International Food Festival (ninthavenuefoodfestival.com) will close W. 42nd to W. 57th Streets to vehicular traffic — leaving the area wide open for eats from every corner of the globe, rides, entertainment, and special promotions from neighborhood merchants. Stop by the NYC Community Media table (btw. W. 54th & W. 55th Sts.) for issues of Chelsea Now and our sister publication, Gay City News. Enter our Jelly Bean Guessing Contest, and you could win an iPad mini or Apple Watch.

SEW WHAT?

Turn to page 21 to read a short yarn about 10 artists working with tactile materials such as felt, knitted wool, and thread.

CB4 Fumes at Port Authority Bus Terminal Project

BY SEAN EGAN If the tenor of last week’s full board meeting of Community Board 4 (CB4) is any indication, the proposed expansion — and possible relocation — of the Port Authority Bus Terminal will be a stalwart presence on their list of agenda items for quite some time to come.

Throughout the May 4 gathering, the general atmosphere was one of hostility toward the renovation of the outdated terminal, especially regarding the threat of eminent domain — the process by which the city

© CHELSEA NOW 2016 | NYC COMMUNITY MEDIA, LLC, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

or state government takes control of private property for public works. Through allusions to and jabs at the Port Authority’s expense, and discussion of contingency plans, it became clear the situation has been weighing heavily on the minds of residents, elected officials, and CB4 members — all of whom are preparing for a long fight.

The subject came up almost from the meeting’s outBUS TERMINAL continued on p. 4 VOLUME 08, ISSUE 18 | MAY 12 - 18, 2016

At DOB Conference, a Place at the Table for Tenant Protection

Photo by Samantha Modell, courtesy DOB.

Timothy Hogan, Deputy Commissioner of Enforcement, notes that changes in DOB procedure now require a Tenant Protection Plan to be filed in a manner that allows it to be accessed online as a separate document.

BY EILEEN STUKANE Last week was Construction Safety Week in New York City — and on Wed., May 4, the NYC Department of Buildings (DOB) held its Build Safe/Live Safe

Conference at the New York Marriott Downtown (85 Wall St.).

Along with the citywide building boom has come an increase in construction accidents, so safety is high on the DOB’s list of priorities. At any given time, about 300 cranes are operating across the boroughs, and New Yorkers have heard too much news about fatalities due to crane collapses — most recently on Feb. 5, when strong winds toppled a crane, which crashed to the ground on Worth St. in Tribeca, killing a 38-year-old pedestrian.

Among the construction safety seminars offered to the 300 Build Safe/Live Safe attendees — a mix of architects, engineers, contractors, government regulators and other construction professionals — one session stood out. “Tenant Protection” was the theme of a seminar that addressed the safety of those residing in buildings under construction.

A year ago, this paper reported that the Chelsea-based Community & Residents Protection Working Group (CRP) had exposed the frequent falsification of the DOB’s PW1 construction permit applications. Landlords/developers indicated that buildings they were

planning to renovate were unoccupied — when, in truth, they were occupied. By filing for “Unoccupied” building permits, developers cleverly bypassed the Tenant Protection Plans required in occupied buildings. Residents, therefore, suffered harassment by construction, which often drove them out of their homes for good.

THE DOB EFFORT TO CORRECT AND EVOLVE At this year’s Tenant Protection seminar, the DOB specified that landlords and/or developers needed to make detailed and specific provisions for Tenant Protection Plans that would cover six major areas: Egress, Fire Safety, Health, Compliance with Housing Standards, Structural Safety, and Noise Restrictions.

The DOB’s requirement for a comprehensive Tenant Protection Plan for occupied buildings dates back to 1983 — but it seemed there was not a recent need to enforce this requirement, because falsified permits made it appear as though many buildings were without tenants. The DOB has been alerted to this deceptive practice by so many residents and activist groups, that it is now making substantial efforts to change. Timothy Hogan, the DOB’s Deputy Commissioner of Enforcement, spoke at length to Chelsea Now about subject matter covered at the Tenant Protection seminar, as well as its ripple effects on public access to DOB procedure and protocol.

“Tenant Protection Plans were usually recorded in the architectural plans,” said Hogan. “Now we require transparency; that a Tenant Protection Plan [has to]

be filed separately so it’s visible online to people as a separate document. It’s in a virtual folder online, and tenants are able to see the folder if they bring up their address.” The NYC Building Information System online provides the information.

To access it, visit tinyurl.com/7ouuew9 — or see the online version of this article, at chelseanow.com, and click on the link.

Hogan also explained that the DOB had changed its procedures. “Previously, if someone had checked the box that a building was ‘Unoccupied’ and we found out that it was ‘Occupied,’ he was allowed to refile the documents and make a correction. Now we write ECB [Environmental Control Board] violations, DOB violations, and, in some instances, criminal summonses against the people who false file. We’ve changed our posture on that.

“Additionally, we’re working more and more with DHCR [New York State Department of Homes and Community Renewal] to identify the rent-stabilized units that are out there, and when we get applications that come in that affect those buildings we look at them with more scrutiny to make sure we don’t have an issue going on there, falsifying the documents.”

The DOB is working on a stronger digital connect to DHCR, but as Hogan said, “We’re not there, but it’s coming.”

Hogan has conducted outreach programs with the New York City Bar Association (among attorneys that represent contractors, builders, co-ops, and condo boards), regarding the issue of falsified PW1 applications.

“We’ve also been working heavily with DOB continued on p. 10

NYC Department of Buildings

The cover page from the Tenant Protection seminar, presented at May 4’s Build Safe/Live Safe Conference, outlines the essential topics of discussion.

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May 12 - 18, 2016

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May 12 - 18, 2016

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CB4 Charts a Route of Opposition to Bus

Photo by Yannic Rack

Photo by Sean Egan

While the current Port Authority Bus Terminal is an outdated eyesore, CB4 is concerned about the proposed renovation’s effects on the surrounding community.

Tom Cayler (right) thanks CB4 Chair Delores Rubin (left) for her involvement in the town hall that took the “Pathetic Authority” to task.

Cayler thanked CB4 Chair Delores Rubin and the Board for helping to put together an April 18 town hallstyle meeting between community members, elected officials, and Port Authority officials.

As Chelsea Now reported on April 20, the meeting saw hundreds of residents come out and speak, and offer

BUS TERMINAL continued from p. 1

set. After introductory words, the public comment session was opened by some passionate thoughts from W. 45th St. resident Tom Cayler, who wasted no time in railing against the “PA: the Pathetic Authority” as he referred to the agency.

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up suggestions — such as the popular solution of building the new terminal in New Jersey’s Meadowlands, and then building a light rail into Manhattan.

“This is only the first shot in the battle,” Cayler asserted, while going on to decry the Authority’s inefficient operation of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Shortly thereafter, the meeting saw a surprise visit from US Representative Jerrold Nadler, who delivered a short speech. While his comments regarding various pieces of legislation he helped pass or has been advocating for were well-received, the immediate inquiry posed to Nadler, when he was done speaking, concerned his thoughts on the expansion proposal.

“I don’t like their plan,” Nadler said without hesitation. “I certainly don’t like this use of eminent domain that’s been threatened.”

Nadler recognized, though, that the situation revealed no easy solutions, and had rightly been a source

of tension within the Authority. New Jerseyans seem just as resistant to change on their end, with Nadler reporting they assert the Authority “can’t do anything to Jersey.” It’s created what Nadler referred to as a “poisonous” atmosphere that is doing no good.

“It’s not a zero sum game. It’s not New Jersey versus New York,” Nadler reminded, hoping level heads would prevail, and some compromise could be reached. Still, though, he reiterated his opposition to the way eminent domain would threaten the surrounding neighborhood.

“We have to fight this. I don’t like this proposal,” Nadler concluded, in no uncertain terms, to applause. “We will fight this.”

The items on the board’s agenda that dealt specifically with the Port Authority situation involved similarly spirited (and heated words) about the project, and the board’s course of action going forward.

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Congressmember Jerrold Nadler had firm words against the Port Authority’s possible use of eminent domain.

Item 10, a letter to the Port Authority concerning the Bus Terminal town hall, provoked board member Maarten de Kadt to advocate for stronger wording regarding the support of neighborhoods like Chelsea during Hell’s Kitchen’s plight, stating, “It’s going to affect not just Hell’s Kitchen, but all of us.”

JD Noland, the board member who authored the letter, responded by saying that he could include some general language to indicate the support outside of Hell’s Kitchen that was present at the meeting, but wanted to keep the focus more narrow this time around. He guaranteed though, that a broader focus would grace “the next letter,” laughing that the group would send “one a month,” to continue their campaign against the terminal. The letter was then passed, unanimously.

Item 11 was a letter addressed to elected officials about the situation.

During the discussion of this letter, board member Betty Mackintosh sug-

gested that the board needed to have a presence at future Port Authority meetings, noting that they needed to “go to board meetings and stand up, and make comments” in order for the Authority to take notice and listen to them. Rubin agreed with her sentiment, and took things a step further by saying, “We need to get T-shirts made.”

Board member Brad Pascerella then noted that Mayor de Blasio was not cc’d on the letter, an oversight which Rubin thanked him for noticing.

The letter was then, like the previous one, passed unanimously.

“This will be the first of many to our elected officials,” Rubin said sternly.

Soon after, the shorter-than-usual meeting drew to a close — though if there’s one thing for certain, it’s that CB4 is gearing up for a long battle against the Port Authority, and will not back down easily.

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5

Stonewall National Park Now in Obama’s Hands

Photos by Donna Aceto

Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell, who will make a recommendation to President Barack Obama on establishing a national park.

Jonathan Jarvis, the National Parks Service director.

Longtime activist Randy Wicker.

Michael E. Levine was in the Stonewall the night of the police raid, he said at the hearing.

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May 12 - 18, 2016

BY ANDY HUMM The momentum for declaring the area outside the Stonewall Inn a national monument overseen by the National Park Service (NPS) seems headed for an inevitable conclusion, with all the political, LGBT rights movement, and community forces aligned in its favor at a May 9 public hearing at PS 41 in Greenwich Village, The hearing was chaired by US Representative Jerrold Nadler, a West Side Democrat widely credited with coordinating support for the designation. Nadler was joined by US Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell and Jonathan Jarvis, the NPS director.

The Inn, site of the 1969 Stonewall Rebellion that sparked the modern LGBT rights movement, would be the first national park designated because of its significance to gay history if — as expected — Jewell recommends that President Barack Obama use his powers under the Antiquities Act to declare it a monument by the 47th anniversary of the uprising in late June. A national monument designation for Christopher Park would serve as the anchor for a larger national park area incorporating surrounding streets.

Nadler opened the proceedings by saying he was “confident” the president would act given that the other route to a national park –– Congressional legislation sponsored by him and New York’s two US senators, Democrats Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand –– is unlikely to pass with Republicans in charge of both houses.

The small, triangular Christopher Park across the street from the bar has been transferred to the federal government as the result of a City Council resolution sponsored by Chelsea Democrat Corey Johnson, support from the de Blasio administration, and legislation quietly and unanimously passed in Albany through the leadership of Assemblymember Deborah Glick and Senator Brad Hoylman, both Democrats who represent the area, and signed by Governor Andrew Cuomo last month.

These three out gay and lesbian officials, along with City Comptroller Scott Stringer, Public Advocate Letitia James, and Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer, spoke at a press conference Nadler held just

prior to the hearing to announce the final push for the monument’s designation.

James, who noted she is the first African-American woman elected citywide, said, “The Stonewall Inn represents to the LGBT community what Selma represents for the civil rights movement, and Seneca Falls represents for the women’s movement,” echoing Obama’s own linking of these three historic places in his Second Inaugural Address in 2013.

Jewell, in opening remarks at the hearing, said she was in eighth grade when the Rebellion happened and “oblivious to the struggles” of LGBT people, along with most Americans at the time. She noted that in 1969 “two people of the same sex could be arrested for dancing together” or for “wearing clothes of the other gender, so I’m inappropriately dressed” by that standard, given her pants and suit-jacket ensemble.

While Christopher Park –– which already includes George Segal’s statues titled “Gay Liberation” of a male couple and a female couple, both painted solid white –– will anchor Stonewall National Park, its appearance is not likely to change much other than in terms of signage (though the Stonewall Veterans’ Association, a group run by Williamson Henderson, who has long made widely disputed claims, for which no police or court records exist, of having been arrested during the uprising, was pushing an elaborate redesign at the Nadler hearing). Friends of Christopher Park, a volunteer group, will continue its unpaid efforts at maintaining the park, and the city will continue to contribute to upkeep.

During the hearing, Community Board 2 Chair Tobi Bergman praised the proposal as “preserving the character of the neighborhood” while celebrating it as “a source of influence on the world.”

Andrew Berman, executive director of the Greenwich Village Society for Historic Preservation, credited the private and influential National Parks Conservation Association’s push for this park over several years with helping to advance the idea. He noted that the park will not include the actual site of the Stonewall Inn, already protected with federal, state, and city historic landmark designations, but urged that it be included.

Veteran gay activist Jim Fouratt,

however, called the bar itself “a symbol of our oppression” and insisted that “what happened in the streets” is what needs to be commemorated.

The Gay Liberation Front, he noted, was formed as a direct result of the Rebellion, making Stonewall distinct from earlier uprisings of LGBT people in spurring ongoing militant organizing that created a permanent political movement. While the hearing was contentious at times, as witnesses debated who was there, what it meant, and what else should be memorialized, they were unanimous in support of making the area a national park.

Michael E. Levine, 73, said he was in the Stonewall the night of the raid and that it marked a seismic shift in how gay people felt about themselves.

“From that date in ’69, I have been out to everyone I know,” he said.

Gil Horowitz, who said he participated in the Rebellion’s second night, testified that the bulk of those who rebelled were “homeless youth who hung out in Christopher Park –– thrown out because they were gay.”

Randy Wicker, a gay activist since 1958, said, “There is no such thing as gay rights, there is just human rights.”

He urged those creating the monument to fully incorporate the role played by people of color at Stonewall and in the movement that followed.

Scott Caplan, of the Jim Owles Liberal Democratic Club, said the story of Stonewall must also include the account of “oppression by the NYPD.” It was a police raid, after all, that sparked Stonewall’s patrons to fight back.

Transgender activist Josephine Fantasia Perez, who described herself as a daughter of Sylvia Rivera and niece of Marsha P. Johnson, two early transgender street activists of the Stonewall Era, made an impassioned plea about the life and death burdens that continue to weigh on transgender people.

“Give them a safe place,” Perez said. “Too many of us are homeless. There are too few jobs and job training programs. Educate parents so that they don’t throw their transgender kids out into the street.”

She and other transgender witnesses, such as Mariah Lopez, argued that the Hudson River pier in the West Village, home over the years to many STONEWALL continued on p. 15 .com

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Bottom-Feeding Humiliation Fetishists Cling to Trump

BY MAX BURBANK Hot on the heels of last week’s Indiana win, Bernie Sanders bested Hillary Clinton in West Virginia, a state she won over Obama by a large margin in 2008. That has to sting, but only metaphorically, since her delegate lead remains, in the words of every single media platform, “insurmountable.” But you don’t care. Nobody wants to read about the Democrats. I only wrote this paragraph to create an appearance of balance — which, by the way, is false.

Donald Trump is the Republican nominee. That sentence or some variation of it began every political article you’ve read for the last week. Enjoy the shock and horror while you can.

From here on, every news outlet is going to treat this hideous mess like it’s some version of normal. There’s only one ironclad rule to reporting, and that’s “Journalistic Equivalency.” You don’t take sides. When you’re covering a Zombie vs. Human Apocalypse, you’re duty-bound to point out that while Zombies are bad, really both sides are pretty much equally soulless, undead monsters relentlessly compelled to devour human brains. Except they’re not! Not every contest is 50/50!

Sometimes, one side is actually significantly worse than the other! Like when one of the sides is Zombies!

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Would Captain America like Donald Trump? Would Superman? Come on.

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POLICE BLOTTER

THE WEST SIDE’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER

Publisher

Jennifer Goodstein

Editor Scott Stiffler

Editorial Assistant Sean Egan

Art Director Michael Shirey

Contributors

Lincoln Anderson Stephanie Buhmann Jackson Chen Sean Egan Winnie McCroy Colin Mixson Puma Perl Yannic Rack Paul Schindler Trav S.D. Eileen Stukane

Executive VP of Advertising Amanda Tarley

Account Executives Jack Agliata Allison Greaker Jim Steele Julio Tumbaco

GRAND LARCENY AUTO: Go catch your running cab Knowing that there’s no such thing as a free ride, one speedy suspect went straight for the car itself in the early morning of Fri., May 6. At about 3am, a 56-year-old cabbie was standing outside his still-running 2016 Toyota on Eighth Ave. (at W. 22nd St.), smoking a cigarette — when all of a sudden, an unknown man jumped into the car and drove off with it. The careless cabbie leapt into action and tried to follow the stolen vehicle by hopping in another taxi, but lost the perp at W. 26th & Eighth Ave. While a canvas of the area yielded no

THE 10th PRECINCT Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw.

Seventh & Eighth Aves.). Commander: Deputy Inspector Michele Irizarry.

Main number: 212-741-8211.

Community Affairs: 212-741-8226.

Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226.

Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216.

Youth Officer: 212-741-8211.

Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-924-3377.

Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meets on the last Wed. of the month, 7 p.m., at the 10th Precinct or other locations to be announced. The next meeting is May 25.

THE 13th PRECINCT

Published by

NYC Community Media, LLC

One Metrotech North, 10th Floor, Brooklyn, NY 11201 Phone: (212) 229-1890 Fax: (212) 229-2790 www.chelseanow.com scott@chelseanow.com © 2016 NYC Community Media, LLC

Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. Second & Third Aves.). Deputy Inspector: David Ehrenberg. Call 212-4777411. Community Affairs: 212-4777427. Crime Prevention: 212-4777427. Domestic Violence: 212-4773863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411.

Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380.

Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meets on the third Tues. of the month, 6:30 p.m., at the 13th Precinct. The next meeting is May 17.

Member of the New York Press Association

CASH FOR GUNS Chelsea Now is published weekly by NYC Community Media

LLC, One Metrotech North, 10th Floor, Brooklyn, NY 11201.

(212) 229-1890. Annual subscription by mail in Manhattan and Brooklyn $75. The entire contents of newspaper, including advertising, are copyrighted and no part may be reproduced without the express permission of the publisher - © 2016 NYC Community Media LLC, Postmaster: Send address changes to Chelsea Now, One Metrotech North, 10th Floor, Brooklyn, NY 11201.

PUBLISHER’S LIABILITY FOR ERROR: The Publisher shall

not be liable for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value of an advertisement. The publisher’s liability for other errors or omissions in connection with an advertisement is strictly limited to publication of the advertisement in any subsequent issue.

8

May 12 - 18, 2016

$100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.

results, there is quite a bit of information available on this lifted lift — video surveillance of the car is available from W. 22nd St. & Eighth Ave., and the car’s alarm company/phone GPS indicates that the car was last tracked going toward Staten Island via the Verrazano Bridge.

GRAND LARCENY: Panty raid Specialty underwear manufacturer Thinx were caught with their pants down recently, as they reported to police on Fri., May 6 that they had been the victim of some heavy duty Internet theft. The company reports that from Apr. 7–28, products were purchased by someone from the online clothing store (whose headquarters are at 601 W. 26th St., btw. 11th & 12th Aves.), to the tune of $78,000. It was discovered by the victim that an unknown party had created multiple false email addresses in order to accumulate gift cards, which were then used to unethically obtain thousands of the undergarments available at their shop.

GRAND LARCENY: Supersized crime The operator of a McDonald’s (335 Eighth Ave., btw. W. 26th & W. 27th Sts.) was certainly not lovin’ the fast one being pulled on him by one of his employees. The 58-year-old reports that since Feb. 10, the location’s general manager, a 26-year-old from the Bronx, was not simply content to burgle hamburgers from his job — but instead pilfered $33,064 from the restaurant over the course of 15 separate incidents. The operator states that there is video evidence of the greedy GM counting money, and never putting it in a deposit envelope or safe, and that he later prepped false manifests to cover for the missing

funds. The operator reported the crime to police on Fri., May 6, and the readily available video evidence seems poised to transfer the thief from golden arches and Big Macs to iron bars and the big house.

CRIMINAL MISCHIEF: Key and peeled off One confused woman saw her vehicle become the victim of a blatant act of vandalism at about 11:30am on Sat., May 7.

That’s when the 45-year-old — who was sitting in her parked 2015 Toyota on Ninth Ave. (btw. W. 15th & W. 16th Sts.) — was approached by a man driving a gray Jeep.

He told her to “move back,” and then, for reasons unclear, proceeded to key her vehicle on the passenger side rear fender.

The criminal key-er then fled in his car southbound on Ninth Ave. and made a left turn eastbound on W. 14th St. The woman, however, was able to obtain the license plate number of the vehicle.

PETIT LARCENY: Elder theft at Penn South An 87-year-old man who resides at Penn South (345 Eighth Ave., btw. W. 27th & W. 28th Sts.), had a watch taken from him, in addition to $300-400 from his allowance fund. As reported on Wed., May 4, by one of the man’s four attendants — a 62-yearold Queens woman — the victim had been in the hospital since early March, and the items were discovered missing upon his return. The man was unable to provide any details about the watch when interviewed by authorities, due to dementia. According to the reporting attendant, there were at least three others with full access to the apartment in the tenant’s absence.

—SEAN EGAN

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Unit Size Studio 1 bedroom

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Monthly Rent*

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How Do You Apply?

Apply online or through mail. To apply online, please go to nyc.gov/housingconnect. To request an application by mail, send a selfaddressed envelope to: 555TEN c/o Breaking Ground, PO Box 3620937, New York, NY 10129. Only send one application per development. Do not submit duplicate applications. Do not apply online and also send in a paper application. Applicants who submit more than one application may be disqualified.

When is the Deadline?

Applications must be postmarked or submitted online no later than July 6, 2016. Late applications will not be considered.

What Happens After You Submit an Application?

After the deadline, applications are selected for review through a lottery process. If yours is selected and you appear to qualify, you will be invited to an interview to continue the process of determining your eligibility. Interviews are usually scheduled from 2 to 10 months after the application deadline. You will be asked to bring documents that verify your household size, identity of members of your household, and your household income.

Español

Presente una solicitud en línea en nyc.gov/housingconnect. Para recibir una traducción de español de este anuncio y la solicitud impresa, envíe un sobre con la dirección a: 555TEN c/o Breaking Ground, PO Box 3620937, New York, NY 10129 En el reverso del sobre, escriba en inglés la palabra “SPANISH.” Las solicitudes se deben enviar en línea o con sello postal antes de 6 de julio 2016.

简体中文

访问 nyc.gov/housingconnect 在线申请。如要获取本广告及书面申请表的简体中文版，请将您的回邮信封寄送至：555TEN c/o Breaking Ground, PO Box 3620937, New York, NY 10129. 信封背面请用英语注明“CHINESE”。必须在以下日期之前在线提交申请或邮寄书面申 请2016年7月6日。

Русский

Чтобы подать заявление через интернет, зайдите на сайт: nyc.gov/housingconnect. Для получения данного объявления и заявления на русском языке отправьте конверт с обратным адресом по адресу 555TEN c/o Breaking Ground, PO Box 3620937, New York, NY 10129. На задней стороне конверта напишите слово “RUSSIAN” на английском языке. Заявки должны быть поданы онлайн или отправлены по почте (согласно дате на почтовом штемпеле) не позднее 6 июль 2016.

한국어

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Kreyòl Ayisyien

Aplike sou entènèt sou sitwèb nyc.gov/housingconnect. Pou resevwa yon tradiksyon anons sa a nan lang Kreyòl Ayisyen ak aplikasyon an sou papye, voye anvlòp ki gen adrès pou retounen li nan: 555TEN c/o Breaking Ground, PO Box 3620937, New York, NY 10129. Nan dèyè anvlòp la, ekri mo “HATIAN CREOLE” an Anglè. Ou dwe remèt aplikasyon yo sou entènèt oswa ou dwe tenbre yo anvan dat jiyè 6, 2016.

‫العربية‬

‫ أرسل مظروف‬،‫ للحصول على ترجمة باللغة العربية لهذا اإلعالن ولنموذج الطلب الورقي‬.nyc.gov/housingconnect ‫تقدم بطلب عن طريق اإلنترنت على الموقع اإللكتروني‬ ‫ اكتب باللغة اإلنجليزية‬،‫ على الجهة الخلفية للمظروف‬. 555TEN c/o Breaking Ground, PO Box 3620937, New York, NY 10129:‫يحمل اسمك وعنوانك إلى‬ .2016 ،‫ يوليو‬6 ‫ يجب إرسال نماذج الطلبات عن طريق اإلنترنت أو ختمها بختم البريد قبل‬."ARABIC" ‫كلمة‬ Governor Andrew Cuomo • Mayor Bill de Blasio • HPD Commissioner Vicki Been • HCR Commissioner/CEO James S. Rubin

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May 12 - 18, 2016

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DOB Upgrades Accountability, Access, Inspection Strategies DOB continued from p. 2

the HPD [NYC Housing Preservation and Development],” said Hogan. “On a weekly basis we go out to [a] select group of buildings where we believe there is construction going on that is either questionable as far as a tenant harassment situation, or there are HPD concerns based on their inspections, that work is going above and beyond what’s allowed on permits, or permits were not handled properly. In the last two years we’ve been to 514 of those questionable buildings and we’ve issued over 1,900 violations and over 100 Stop-Work Orders. That’s been a very proactive task force that is being run between HPD and DOB.”

ADDRESSING ACCOUNTABILITY AND FASTER RESPONSE TIME In 2015, Rick Chandler, the DOB’s Commissioner, announced that Mayor Bill de Blasio’s Building One City (“A Blueprint for Fundamental Transformation at the New York City Department of Buildings”) plan of modernization would include the hiring of new enforcement inspectors. Hogan confirmed that the number of enforcement inspectors has increased and will keep increasing through 2017. Reportedly, 100 new inspectors will be hired.

Should a Tenant Protection Plan be missing in an occupied building under construction, a resident can call 311 or file a complaint online, at www1.nyc. gov/311. When asked whether inspectors would investigate unannounced, Hogan answered, “If we receive a complaint, it is normally registered online, so the owner of the building may know a complaint is pending in relation to a tenant issue. It depends on whether we get there quickly or whether it takes a little longer. Each time varies. If we have a specific property that we’re looking at because there’s an issue related to tenant protection, then we go out and inspect unannounced; just show up.”

Brandon Kielbasa, one of the organizers of Stand for Tenant Safety (STS; standfortenantsafety.com), a citywide coalition of community organizations dedicated to protecting tenants who are being subject to landlord harassment by construction, is concerned about the DOB’s reaction time. “We welcome the improvements that DOB is trying to incorporate,” said Kielbasa. “I’ve seen some improvement and that’s great, but we really need to shift

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May 12 - 18, 2016

toward faster response times. I don’t see a vast change from where I’m at.

“Putting Tenant Protection Plans online is fine, but the reality is that bad-acting landlords falsify their permits, put whatever they need to in the Tenant Protection Plans, and then they go and do whatever the hell they want to in their buildings. We really do need expedited enforcement efforts. We need Real Time Enforcement, a crucial bill being sponsored by NYC Councilmember Stephen Levin.”

The Real Time Enforcement bill is included in the 12-bill package of legislation the City Council put forth in September 2015 to comprehensively reform the DOB and help protect victims of “harassment by construction.”

Levin’s bill would create a Real Time Enforcement Unit in the DOB, which would be responsible for enforcing the construction codes with respect to occupied multiple dwellings with complaints related to work without a permit, or work being done on more than 10 percent of the building. The Real Time Enforcement Unit would also be responsible for conducting inspections of such buildings and issuing notices of violation or Stop-Work Orders. Additionally, the DOB would be required to publish an annual report on the effectiveness of the Real Time Enforcement Unit.

“When we’re at hearings with the DOB, testimony from them says that Real Time Enforcement would be difficult for them to incorporate in some way,” said Kielbasa. “What we see too often with DOB is that they get out there, not often enough, and very frequently too late. Real Time Enforcement is a robust solution to that issue of them not getting out on time during mass gut renovation construction.” He spoke of a tenant who filed a complaint with 311 about a construction crew working on Saturdays without permits. The DOB inspector did not come until two weeks later (on a weekday), and reported that no work was being done.

More recently, Icon Realty Management bought a nine-story building at 57 Second Ave. (btw. E. Third & E. Fourth Sts.), and demolished the long lobby floor. “Tenants came downstairs to find the length of the lobby [turned to] a pile of stones basically, with no precautions, nothing for the people, and many were seniors or people with mobility issues, since they had lived in that building for decades,” said Kielbasa. “Our recourse was to call 311. However, we were lucky that we could also call our councilmembers to

NYC Department of Buildings

An excerpt from the DOB’s Tenant Protection seminar presentation.

Other areas of focus included Egress, Fire Safety, Compliance with Housing Standards, Structural Safety, and Noise Restrictions.

ask them to expedite a DOB complaint, but not everyone has that. We feel that tenants in a lot of neighborhoods need legislation. The agency needs enough robust capacity and the right tools to make the situation that I’m talking about not a problem for people.”

STRONG STEPS TAKEN The Tenant Protection seminar outlined 27 items to be considered in a Tenant Protection Plan, and there is a strong commitment from Hogan to correct abuses. “We’re going to continue to upgrade our technology in the infrastructure that we have as part of our Building One City plan,” said Hogan, asserting, “In doing so, we’ll be able to better enhance our efforts to crack down on individuals who engage in harassment by construction.”

It was thanks to the Tenant Protection Unit of DHCR, working with NY State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, that Steven Croman — landlord of more than 140 NYC apartment buildings — was indicted on May 9, on 20 felony counts that could result in as many as 25 years in prison. Independently, Croman was also named in a civil lawsuit filed in NY Supreme Court for using illegal means to harass, pressure, and drive tenants out of their apartments.

311 REMAINS THE MEANS OF ACTION If you are being harassed by construction in your building, especially if no

Courtesy Cooper Square Committee

Following demolition work, a plank was the only path for exit at 57 Second Ave. — causing difficulty for tenants with mobility issues, and promoting Stand for Tenant Safety to call 311 and reach out to electeds, in an effort to expedite their DOB complaint.

tenant protection is evident, either call 311 or go online to 31l. This is currently the best means of getting action from the DOB. You will be given a reference number when you call.

As Alexander Schnell, spokesman for the DOB, advised: “I would recommend those tenants keep their reference numbers, and then they can follow up on the NYC Building Information System. They can go on, they can look at their complaint in the system [tinyurl.com/7ouuew9].

The reference number will be right there.” .com

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• Do not cross highways or interstates on foot.

May 12 - 18, 2016

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COMMUNITY ACTIVITIES

BY SCOTT STIFFLER

SIGN THE PETITION TO PRESERVE HOPPER-GIBBONS HOUSE The building that stands at 339 W. 29th St. managed to play well-documented roles in the Underground Railroad, abolitionism, and the 1863 Draft Riots — all with a mere four stories to its name. But when a fifth floor was illegally built, The Friends of Hopper-Gibbons Underground Railroad Site & Lamartine Place Historic District was formed.

Buoyed by electeds and historians, their actions have thus far secured a victory in NY State Supreme Court to stop the owner from bypassing the Landmarks Preservation Commission — which will, on June 21, conduct a public hearing whose topics of discussion will include a new application to modify the roof and rear additions. Permitting the developer to “get away with the desecration of such an important building by not forcing him to remove the illegally built fifth story,” say the Friends, “would set a terrible and demoralizing precedent.” To that end, they request your signature on their petition (via tinyurl.com/gwekkvu), and your presence at the next Community Board 4 Land Use Committee meeting (6:30pm, at 353 W. 30th St.), where the developer will submit his plans. See next week’s issue of Chelsea Now for a report on that May 16 meeting.

ANNUAL COMMUNITY STOOP SALE Flowers may bloom, branches may fill with leaves, and burrowing animals may emerge from hibernation — but it’s not truly spring in Chelsea until folding tables and clothing racks appear on W. 22nd St., between Seventh and 10th Aves.

That hallmark rite repeats itself, rain or shine, on Sat., May 21, from 11am–4pm — when the 300 West 23rd, 22nd, 21st & 20th Streets Block Association hosts this urban version of the suburban garage sale — sans commercial vendors, food, or large furniture items. What you will get is books, toys, clothing, and various eyeof-the-beholder treasures (all reasonably priced; polite haggling optional). Stop by the table in front of 321 W. 22nd St. to greet the organizers and, if you like, make a donation to the 200W, 300W, or 400W Block Associations. Then, return to the business of scoping out everything from paintings to classic rock on cassette to keepsake salt and pepper shakers from states you’ve always dreamed of visiting

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May 12 - 18, 2016

Courtesy 300 West 23rd, 22nd, 21st & 20th Streets Block Association

The side streets are alive with the sight of bargains — Sat., May 21, at the annual Stoop Sale.

Photo by Halina Warren

Courtesy Farm to Tray

Flip your wig over the funky items (and vendors) at the Second Annual Westbeth Flea Market Spring Sale (May 21 & 22).

Volunteers serve meals all year long, as a direct benefit of funds to be raised at May 19’s Farm to Tray benefit for Holy Apostle’s Soup Kitchen.

(all of which have been on the table in years past). For info on how to participate as a vendor, send an email to 300wba@ gmail.com.

able) items at this bargain-hunter’s paradise are every bit as eclectic, eccentric, worldly, and whimsical as the people who stock the shelves and sit at the tables. We wouldn’t expect anything less, when the vendors are residents of Westbeth Artists Housing. Sat. & Sun., May 21 & 22, 11am–6pm. Enter at 137 Bank St. (stairs) or 55 Bethune St. (elevator) — both at the corner of Washington St. Proceeds will help fund the Westbeth Beautification Committee, which keeps the surrounding area tidy and pleasing to the eye. For more info, visit westbeth.org.

FARM TO TRAY: A BENEFIT FOR HOLY APOSTLES SOUP KITCHEN Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen, which feeds farm-fresh food to nearly 1,000 guests a day, is the recipient of funds generated from this benefit. Some of New York’s top chefs and restaurants will participate, such as Ralpheal Abrahante of Thalassa, Laurence Edelman of Left Bank, Gotham Burger Social Club, Stumptown, Craig Reid of Westin Times Square, and Michael Armstrong and Yvan Lemoine of Bodega Negra. Options from the Sustainable Menu include Spicy Monkfish Dumplings, Falafel Burgers, and Toasted Cumin Seared Pork Belly.

The Thurs., May 19 event begins at 6pm with a VIP cocktail reception. The general admission event happens from 7–9pm.

At the Church of the Holy Apostles, (296 Ninth Ave., at W. 28th St.) For info and reservations, visit farmtotray.org. On social media, #farmtotray.

WESTBETH FLEA MARKET’S SECOND ANNUAL SPRING SALE The books, clothing, toys and other utterly indescribable (but highly desir-

FREE UNION SQUARE WALKING TOUR Author, historian and NYU Adjunct Assistant Professor Joyce Gold has another gig that’s tough on shoe leather — but enlightening for locals who want to know more about the places they walk past all the time.

On Sun., May 22, from 1–2:30pm, Gold sets her sights on the hidden history of Union Square and the surrounding area. This free walking tour, sponsored by the Union Square Community Coalition, is limited to 30 people. To register, contact Bill Borock via wborock@hotmail.com. For info on other (non-sponsored) tours, visit joycegoldhistorytours.com

COMMUNITY SUPPORTED AGRICULTURE Three area programs offer residents the chance to participate in CSA, or Community Supported Agriculture.

Convenient to East Chelsea and Flatiron residents, the program run by Breaking Ground, a nonprofit that is New York City’s largest supportive housing provider, offers high-quality produce all summer long. Pick up is at The Prince George (14 E. 28th St., btw. Fifth & Madison Aves.). To register (deadline, May 25), visit princegeorgecsa.com. The Chelsea CSA is a partnership between Stoneledge Farm in South Cairo, NY and community members of Chelsea on the West Side of Manhattan. Chelsea CSA enables members of all economic backgrounds to enjoy farm-fresh organic vegetables while supporting local agriculture. Delivery takes place at the Hudson Guild (441 W. 26th St., btw. Ninth & 10th Aves.).

For more info, and to register, visit chelseacsa.org or send an email to info@ chelseacsa.org. The CSA program run by the Hell’s Kitchen Farm Project puts an emphasis on helping low-income families and individuals access nutritious produce. Pick up is at Metro Baptist Church (410 W. 40th St., btw. Ninth & 10th Aves.). Visit hkfp.org or send an email to info@hellskitchenfarmproject.org. .com

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STONEWALL continued from p. 6

transgender homeless people, should also be part of a national park.

NPS Director Jarvis told the audience at the hearing’s conclusion, “I heard unanimous support.

My job is to recommend to Secretary Jewell and her job is to recommend to President Obama that the Stonewall should join the Statue of Liberty and the Grand Canyon” as a national park, not just in recognition of the history of the Rebellion and the role the streets outside the Stonewall played in moments of both trauma and celebration for the community, but to highlight the “continued struggle” for LGBT rights.

Interior Secretary Jewell, who listened attentively but did not speak during the testimony, told our sister publication, Gay City News, afterward, that she heard “community support for telling an important civil rights story,” something she earlier said the 100-year-old National Park Service, as “America’s storyteller,” excels at. Historian David Carter, author of “Stonewall: The Riots that Sparked the Gay Revolution,” widely considered a definitive account, sounded a cautionary note about storytelling –– the importance of the Park Service settling on the facts of what happened and who was there in June 1969 before assuming the mantle of authority.

“Insist on the same level of evidence and the careful examination of evidence for this event that we expect for any other important event in our nation’s history,” Carter urged.

Photo by Donna Aceto

Congressmember Jerry Nadler, who coordinated support for designating a Stonewall national monument at Christopher Park.

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Love and Hope Flicker at the Dawn of Motion Pictures ‘Evening’ bears the unmistakable stamp of Axis Company

BY TRAV S.D. Axis Company remains one of the few theatre companies in New York that always manages to keep me guessing. This is all the more remarkable given the number of their productions (probably a dozen) I have caught over the past decade and a half — ranging from classics (Buchner’s “Woyzeck”), to children’s fairy tales (“Seven in One Blow”), to 19th century melodrama (“A Glance at New York”), to modern grunge nihilism (Sarah Kane’s “Crave”), to storytelling (“East 10th Street,” starring the incomparable Edgar Oliver). All wildly divergent theatre forms, yet all bearing the quirky and unmistakable stamp of Axis founder and Artistic Director Randy Sharp.

Their current production (“Evening – 1910”) happens to be a musical.

One is tempted to call it a “rock musical” or “rock opera,” not just because the pop-inflected score was co-written

by Paul Carbonara, a former guitarist and musical director for Blondie, but because, much like The Who’s “Tommy,” it is highly impressionistic, consisting of many character songs and expository production numbers, as opposed to active, plot-driving dramatic tunes. But Carbonara’s and Sharp’s gorgeous, melodic songs and the cast’s impressive, “legit” harmonizing seem the furthest thing from rock. And there is a plot — an eloquent, thought-provoking one.

“Evening – 1910” is an elaboration upon an earlier, shorter work by the team entitled “Solitary Light,” which had its premiere in the 2014 Theatre: Village Festival. The latter show was more focused on the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, one of New York City’s worst disasters prior to 9/11. The current work alludes to that event, foreshadows it, warns of it — but it centers more on a love triangle, .com

which speaks equally to socioeconomic disparities in America and the tough choices people at the bottom are often forced to make.

Happily for this reviewer, vaudeville and early cinema lay at the heart of the tale. Henry (Michael Sheehy) crosses the Atlantic with a chorus of fellow immigrants bound for Ellis Island. His principal asset is his movie camera and his skill in using it. This draws him into the world of a Bowery variety theatre, where he finds himself caught between two women: a vaudeville chorus girl (Shira Averbuch) and the wealthy sister (Emily Kratter) of the theatre’s owner (James Scheider), who is just branching out into the new kinetoscope business.

We won’t spoil the suspense for you by revealing the choice he makes, but we will say that we found the chorus girl’s song (“Here He Comes”) to be a touching high point in a show that has many.

Like much of the Axis Company’s work, “Evening – 1910” is built on tension between the aesthetics of history and more modern, experimental techniques. On the one hand, we get wonderful old favorites like “Sidewalks of New York” and “A Bird in a Gilded Cage.” On the other hand, much of it comes to us through techniques of Brechtian distanciation.

As we have come to expect from writer-director Sharp, many of the events are not spelled out in the lyrics themselves, rather in the space around them. Many of the more concrete details of time and place and action are rooted in the stagecraft: Karl Ruckdeschel’s period-accurate costumes, Steve Fontaine’s evocative and multi-layered sound design, and the machine-like complexity of the actors in motion as guided by Sharp and choreographer Lynn Mancinelli. The entire cast (which EVENING continued on p. 18

Photos by Pavel Antonovl

George Spencer (James Scheider, foreground) is a Bowery theatre owner whose vaudeville offerings are falling out of favor.

Stephanie Lynne Mason is a showgirl who dreams of a better life, perhaps at the nearby garment factory.

May 12 - 18, 2016

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EVENING continued from p. 17

also includes Mancinelli, Justin McEllroy, Stephanie Lynne Mason, and Katie Rose Summerfield) frequently function as a chorus to the action. Chet Yarborough’s sets are minimalistic but effective, enhanced as they are by David Zeffren’s warm but contrasty lighting.

As much as I loved the music, as much as I loved the singing, and as much as I loved the story, my very favorite moment in the production belonged to Zeffren. It’s the last moment in the show, a moment the entire proceedings had been heading toward. As in all Axis productions, one had spent the entire experience wondering, “Where can this be going?” And then Zeffren and Sharp give us a moment that not only explains it all, but ties the meaning of the show to present-day realities in a profound and chilling way.

Very few directors have the power or the skill to make me rethink theatre in this way, to fake me out and surprise me and fill me with wonder using techniques that are foreign to me or that I might, in the abstract, be skeptical of. Randy Sharp does it to me every time.

If you ever feel caught in a rut, or forget why you ever became excited about theatre in the first place, go see something — anything — at Axis Company.

May 12, 19, 25 & 26 at 7pm; May 13, 14, 20, 21, 27 & 28 at 8pm. At Axis Theatre (One Sheridan Square, btw. W. Fourth St. & Washington Pl.). For tickets ($40, $30 for students & seniors), call 212807-9300 or visit axiscompany.org.

Photo by Pavel Antonov

Shira Averbuch (foreground) plays a vaudeville chorus girl, one-third of the love triangle between newly arrived immigrant Henry and the wealthy sister of the theatre’s owner.

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That’s No Lady Bunny’s new Stonewall show is a tour de farce

BY MICHAEL SHIREY Are you one of those queens troubled with the creeping (creepy?) heteronormativity of our community? Do you lay awake at night debating whether you are bisexual or simply bi-curious? Are you angered at how mainstream drag culture has become (I mean, #pursefirst from “RuPaul’s Drag Race” is trending on social media right now)? Well hold on to your wig, girl, because Lady Bunny has just the thing for you.

“Trans-Jester,” the Lady’s new standup show at the Stonewall Inn, promises to have the audience blushing one minute and busting their gut the next.

“Welcome to Stonewall Inn — where they have been doing such a brisk business here that they have not had time to clean since the riots,” Bunny joked, poking fun — literally poking — at her chair’s ripped upholstery on the historic venue’s upstairs stage. The Lady’s words come from a place of love though, and she was quick to follow up with praise for the bar’s historical significance. “This dump is Ground Zero for LGBT rights in this country.”

Bunny’s latest comedy showcase highlights her over-the-top sexual humor, laugh-out-loud song parodies (her cover of Adele’s “Hello,” told from the perspective of a hamster shoved up the Lady’s ass, had me crying), and trademark “Laugh-In” roast of everyone from Caitlyn Jenner (and the whole Kardashian Klan) to Bill Cosby and Donald Trump.

Discussing Jenner and the high hopes for — and subsequent disappointment over — “I Am Cait,” Bunny said, “Honey, that show inspired me… to change the channel.”

Bunny shares stories of her experience with the drag and transgender communities, her unapologetic use of the word “tranny,” and her concern about our country’s obsession with political correctness.

And herein lies real point of the show.

With “Trans-Jester,” Bunny hopes to convince the audience to concern itself not so much with gender as with positive role models. Ya know, the role models who untuck a dildo from their dress midway through their act. .com

Photo by Michael Shirey

Lady Bunny at the historic Stonewall Inn. (Or is it the historic Lady Bunny at The Stonewall Inn?)

“I am not going to tell anyone don’t experiment with gender,” Bunny continued, saying she was more worried about the upcoming election and protecting the rights of our community than offending another “fag wearing lipstick” who doesn’t identify with the many letters of the “LGBT-whatever” community.

“If you treat people with respect, labels don’t matter as much,” because “the same asshole who is going to bash a trans woman is going to bash this drag queen is going to bash an effeminate gay male,” Bunny said, reminding her audience, “Honey, I was around when the only letter in LGBT was G!” No one knows how long Bunny’’s really been performing — believe me, if we don’t know, nobody does — but the Lady is still sharp as a whip, and her words ring true now more than ever.

So if you want to see a true New York legend, make your way down to Stonewall Inn, because — thank God — there is only one Lady Bunny.

Lady Bunny’s “Trans-Jester” is performed through June 29, Mon.– Wed., 7pm, at The Stonewall Inn (53 Christopher St., btw. Seventh Ave South & Waverly Pl.). For tickets ($19.99; $21.68 with online service fee), visit trans-jester.bpt.me.

May 12 - 18, 2016

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STUMP SPEECH continued from p. 7

Even Zack Snyder’s Superman would hate Donald’s guts.

So how is it possible he’s the nominee? Is the Republican Party that topheavy with Klansmen, Neo-Nazis and crazy-ass, woman-hating, Comment Section Trolls? No. I mean, sure, there’s a lot of those folks in the GOP, but not enough. I wouldn’t say that everyone who voted for Trump is a racist. But they’re at least okay with racism. It might not be their personal cup of tea, but if that’s what’s being served, they’ll drink it and not make a fuss.

For those who still have a human soul, it’s clear we’ve reached the point where principles and decency have to (forgive me) trump tribalism, so it has to particularly suck to be Reince Priebus. As head of the RNC, party loyalty is all his job is, and what’s he supposed to do, quit? If tomorrow Donald Trump strips naked, smears himself with his own excrement and sodomizes a chicken on the set of “Morning Joe,” Prince Rebus will have no choice but to endorse those actions. Poor old Rinse Pubis is stuck right where he is. Even Jesus wouldn’t expect a man to walk away from a high-profile job and a good

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Photo via facebook.com/hillaryclinton

“There is nothing I love more than honest, working people, especially when you swarm like an insect mass that in no way makes my skin crawl even slightly!”

salary just because it required you to do things that were unequivocally morally reprehensible.

Not all Republican notables are falling in line, though. The Royal Bushes won’t be attending the convention.

Romney still hasn’t changed his mind about changing his mind about Trump.

A slew of conservative pundits have registered Independent; some are even #ImWithSheWhoMustNotBeNamed.

Every notable Republican with absolutely nothing to lose is taking a super-brave stand. Those with skin still in the game though? Ouch.

Bottom-feeding humiliation fetishists like Chris Christie and Ben Carson are

already officially on Trump’s payroll, but what about Pols who still want to occasionally look in a mirror without vomiting? New Hampshire’s Kelly Ayotte is in a tight Senate race. She says she “supports” Trump, but doesn’t “endorse” him. Maybe somebody should buy her a “thesaurus.” Rick Perry, who once called Trump’s candidacy a “cancer on conservatism,” has decided he kind of likes cancer, and coyly speculates that Cancer might ask him to be Vice Cancer.

And John McCain?

John, John, John. Here I thought he sold 100% of his soul when he personally made Trump’s previous-

ly unthinkable candidacy possible by introducing the non-Alaskan world to Sarah Palin. Looks like when it comes to soul, he has 110% to sell. While still miffed about the whole “prisoners of war aren’t heroes ’cause they got captured” thing, McCain says Republicans should line up behind the nominee and described Trump as a “capable leader.”

Faint praise, sure. I guess he forgot he could have said, “If this is what the Republican Party is, I don’t want to be a Republican anymore.” But if he said that, it could jeopardize the election that Trump is probably going to cost him anyway. I mean, It’s not like retiring with intact dignity at 79 is a physically possible thing a person could actually do, right?

As of press time, good old frownsinstead-of-smiling Paul Ryan still wasn’t “ready” to endorse Trump. He just wasn’t “there yet” even though he really, really wanted to be. He’s just so torn, facing the kind of ethical decision a reasonably bright six-year-old would have no trouble making. So Donald and Paul are going to have a sit-down on Thursday, and it’s clear what a man with a spine and a moral compass would do.

I think Trump will get to coin a brand new nickname: “Ready” Paul Ryan.

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A Tactile Thread Runs Through It CMA is the where of ‘What?’

Courtesy the artist and Cindy Rucker Gallery

Adrian Esparza: “Skyscape 2” (2014. Wood, paint, nails, serape. 42 x 72 inches.).

BY STEPHANIE BUHMANN Adjacent to the Children’s Museum of the Arts’ foyer, the Cynthia C. Wainwright Gallery continues to host groundbreaking contemporary exhibitions. This current one — “Sew What?” — is focused on a selection of works that explore various tactile materials, such as felt, knitted wool, thread and scraps of textile.

Among the 10 artists are such internationally known names as Louise Bourgeois and Eliza Kentridge. Most of these sculptures, large installations and more intimate wall pieces, are steeped in the artists’ personal narratives, while exploring cultural links between people, places, and ways of life.

A fantastic installation by Timothy Paul Myers (in conversation with Andrew Barnes and Bigheavy Studios) re-imagines a picturesque domestic setting in grey felt. The life-size work pulls us close, absorbing our attention as an avalanche of flowers spills out of an ornate fireplace right before our eyes. Among the many enchanting contemplations .com

are a hanging wall piece by Alicia Scardetta, which references knotted friendship bracelets, as well as a geometric abstraction by Adrian Esparza, who in this case worked with threads from Mexican serape blankets.

Just around the corner from this show is a newly commissioned installation by Jeila Gueramian entitled “The Bridge Project.” Though not officially part of the exhibit, it fits the theme perfectly and should not be missed. Here, Gueramian has employed stitch work, crochet, knit and various embellishments to create an interactive work, spanning multiple levels, that guarantees a magical experience.

Through May 22, in the Cynthia C. Wainwright Gallery, at the Children’s Museum of the Arts (103 Charlton St. btw. Hudson & Greenwich Sts.).

Hours: Mon., 12–5pm. Thurs.–Fri., 12–6pm. Sat. & Sun., 10 am–5pm.

Admission: $12 for ages 1–65, (for seniors, pay-as-you-wish). Call 212274-0986 or visit cmany.org.

Photo by Will Ellis, courtesy the artist

Timothy Paul Myers in collaboration with Bigheavy Studios: “Untitled (Grey Felt)” (2016. Grey felt. Dimensions vary.).

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Rhymes With Crazy

Park it Here for More Holidays mysterious Sick Passenger who is always on the train ahead of us. Not that car drivers care. But they get the free parking day anyway. Just like the rich get richer.

Pranksgiving: A day we give thanks for practical jokes. Note: Although this will appear as a holiday on city-issued alternate side of the street suspension calendars, it really isn’t and you will be towed.

Kwanzadanukkah: A day that falls on Hanukkah and Kwanza, when everyone is so busy lighting candles that they can’t get to their cars.

BY LENORE SKENAZY There are now 34 holidays on which New York City suspends its street-cleaning parking rules — including Ash Wednesday, Asian New Year, Eid al-Adha, and Diwali. That’s quite the holiday buffet.

Which is not to mention Martin Luther King Day, Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday, Washington’s Birthday and Veteran’s Day. There are a bunch of standard-issue holidays, too, like Labor Day and Thanksgiving, and a bunch of Jewish holidays beyond those. Since I’m Jewish, I can confide in you: Many of us don’t even know what these holidays are. Shemini Atzereth?

I’ve got to ask Rabbi Google. Then again, what percentage of Christians are familiar with the Solemnity of the Ascension, which was just a few days ago? That solemn day was cause for auto-owner awe as alternate side of the street parking requirements miraculously disappeared!

Since this list seems to be growing faster than the Monday morning line for MetroCards, I couldn’t help but add a few more suggestions for holiday parking consideration: Thigh-Knees New Year: A holiday celebrated the first sunny day of spring, when New Yorkers suddenly realize their knees (and even thighs) will soon be visible in shorts. Day is devoted to squats. .com

Howard Stern’s Birthday: Jan. 12.

Any car parked at a meter may remain there for 24 hours, but any person walking by the meter must dance around it, one leg up, and lean backwards.

Lumpy Rug Day: Actual holiday — look it up! It is May 3. The website Holiday Insights reports: “Lumpy Rug Day is intended to appreciate a good rug. A rug should be smooth, even, and definitely not lumpy. Many of us stretch out on a rug to watch TV, play games, and even catch 40 winks. If the rug is lumpy, you’ll know it. There are a number of ways to enjoy Lumpy Rug Day: “If you have a lumpy rug, toss it out and get a nice, lump-less rug.”

“If you once had a lumpy rug, take a minute to remember the soft, comfortable feel of the new rug when it arrived.”

“If you never had a lumpy rug, count your blessings. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

I’m counting! But since that exciting day won’t come around for almost another year, let’s move on to: Sick Passenger Monday: The first Monday after Labor Day, when everyone has slept a little late and is rushing to get to school or work on time, shall be dedicated to the

Happy Halaladays: Day dedicated to the Halal carts around the city, which have made lamb over rice as New York as a Sabrett’s dog. Celebrated the Thursday after Thanksgiving, when people are willing to start thinking about food again.

Too-Heavy Purse Tuesday: A day we pause to reflect on the fact we are carrying around way too much junk, including candy bars, letters we keep forgetting to mail, receipts in cuneiform, and two dozen pens (one leaking). Why do we celebrate this by suspending parking regulations? How else would you propose we celebrate? What says “too-heavy purse” to you? Do you even have a purse? If you did, you’d know.

All Saints’ Weekend: Expansion of popular day.

Mayor’s Wild Card: A day chosen by the mayor on which all parking tickets are torn up as soon as they are issued. Wildly popular. Often celebrated after the indictment of a crony, dis by a sitting Governor, or disconcerting New York Post cover.

Trump Day: Nov. 8. You wouldn’t cast your vote for someone just because they’re promising to give you an extra day of parking freedom, would you? Would you?

Lenore Skenazy is a public speaker who authored the book, and founded the blog/Twitter feed, FreeRange Kids (freerangekids.com).

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