Wedding Pride, Jan. 2015

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A day of your dreams

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contents up front 6 The wedding checklist 12 Marriage equality endgame

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28 Flower power EVS\ \Obc`S¸a ]e\ Q`SObWdWbg Wa g]c` PSab T`WS\R O\R g]c` TW`ab abS^ 0G A6/D/</ /0@CHH=

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34 Honey spots 6]b V]\Sg[]]\ VWRSOeOga 0G B@=G ;/AB3@A

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Wedding Checklist I

t is exciting to get down on your knee to propose to your future spouse â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but the minute you do so, you start a countdown that wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t reach zero until youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on your honeymoon. To properly plan, use our handy wedding checklist below:

[]\bVa PST]`S bVS PWU ROg N First, decide on a ceremony and reception site.

Then, make sure it is in a state that allows gay weddings (a list that currently includes 35 states and the District of Columbia, but NOT: Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michiagn, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, Tennessee, and Texas).

N Pick a venue that is gay-friendly. Some churches, synagogues, and other religious establishments are very accepting â&#x20AC;&#x201D; others are not. Find a minister or ofďŹ ciant who weds same-sex couples. This is your wedding and the person performing the ceremony works for you, not the other way around.

N Begin search for wedding bands.

N Hire a ďŹ&#x201A;orist. Again, remember that this person works for you, so make sure you are happy with the ďŹ&#x201A;oristâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s approach. A true pro will help you work out table settings, extra ďŹ&#x201A;owers for wedding party members, etc.

N Hire photographer and videographer. Make sure that this person is comfortable with same-sex marriages, as the resulting photos will not capture the love you feel if the photographer does not feel it.

N Look into wedding-day transportation. Do you want a limo, horse and carriage, limo bus?

N Set the date.

N Begin drafting your guest list.

N Decide on a caterer if catering on-site is unavailable.

N Keep it fun; wedding planning is stressful, but not

N Begin shopping for your attire. Decide whether to wear a gown or suit at your wedding.

if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on the same page and have fun with it.

N Start shopping for attendantsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; attires.

$Âł' []\bVa ]cb N Decide who will play what role in the wedding.

N If using a wedding consultant, meet and provide

Who will be waiting at the altar, and who will be

her or him with your vision of the wedding day. Re$

member, that person also works for you.

Continued on page 8 A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` # Â&#x2019; ESRRW\U >`WRS

N Book wedding-day transportation.

N Book hotel for wedding night, if applicable.

N Select and order the cake. Be sure to have a samesex couple as the topper (unless you want the standard â&#x20AC;&#x153;man-and-wifeâ&#x20AC;? topper for some ironic purpose â&#x20AC;&#x201D; remember, keep having fun with the process!).

N Continue to compile a list of duties for key players.

N Mail out hotel and city information to out-of-town guests.

N Complete insurance issues, such as coverage for the rings, as needed.

N Remind your partner to order gown or suit.

N Let the DJ or band know of special songs you would like played at the ceremony and reception.

N Purchase wedding favors.

Âł" []\bVa ]cb N Get your marriage license application (following local laws).

3`WQO 1O[WZZS

N Mail out invitations. Hint: make sure to number

16319:7AB Continued from page 6

walking down the aisle?

N Discuss the menu with caterer.

N Finalize wedding-day transportation.

N Book band, musicians, or DJ service.

N Purchase wedding bands and engrave a special saying.

N Gather all necessary travel documents such as passports, visas, etc. Get immunization for honeymoon if necessary.

N Finalize menu.

N Finalize ceremony and reception music.

N Finalize favors or create your own.

N Buy thank-you gifts for wedding party and key players.

N Set up your wedding registry.

N Book your hair and makeup artists.

N Purchase accessories, shoes, and undergarments

N Book times for ďŹ ttings. Aim to schedule hair and

for ďŹ rst ďŹ tting.

N Ask friends to be key players. Key players are trustworthy pals on whom you can rely for crucial tasks.

The key players are not part of the immediate wedding party since they will be busy with photo shoots.

N Fine tune the guest list. Remember, this is your day, not theirs. You are under no obligation to invite anyone who would put a damper on the festivities.

N Compile addresses of guests. Mail save-the-date cards to out-of-town guests.

makeup trial on the same day to get a look at the complete package, and make sure to bring you accessories.

N Begin ďŹ nalizing seating arrangements.

N Begin to plan receiving line, timeline, and itinerary of the day.

N Purchase guest book, cake knife, champagne glasses, garters, etc.

N Keep having fun with the process. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nuts! You are getting married!

N Consider honeymoon spots. Call travel agencies

"Âł& eSSYa ]cb N Tackle outstanding legal matters, such as name

for best packages. See the story in this issue about great gay-friendly destinations.

N Finalize list of must-have photos. Give a copy to

N Keep having fun with the process.

photographer and key players.

N Search for wedding favors.

"Âł$ []\bVa ]cb N Begin search for hair and makeup artist.

N Complete the guest list.

N Order invitations and other stationery. Think about what â&#x20AC;&#x153;lookâ&#x20AC;? and wording you want. &

each invitation because people often forget to write their name on the response card. This way, you can track it.

changes, if applicable.

N Complete seating plan as RSVPs are returned.

N Finalize songs for the ceremony and reception.

N Get a pre-wedding trim and spa treatment so you feel your best during this stressful time.

N Write your vows. Let the ofďŹ ciant know of any Continued on page 10 A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` # Â&#x2019; ESRRW\U >`WRS

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16319:7AB Continued from page 8

N Leave honeymoon itinerary with someone in case

readings or other special requests.

of emergency.

N ConďŹ rm date for rehearsal.

=\S ROg ]cb N Double-check that you have packed your clothes

N Finalize list of responsibilities for key players and wedding party.

N De-stress your body. Consider deep breathing and

distribute responsibilities.

other relaxation exercises such as yoga.

N Book time for ďŹ nal ďŹ tting.

N Allocate enough time to have fun with out-of-town

N Arrange rehearsal dinner for one or two days before

guests.

the wedding. Invite wedding party and key players.

N Enjoy your rehearsal dinner.

N ConďŹ rm honeymoon plans.

N Make time to spend alone with your partner. Soak

N Make checklist of items to bring for the honeymoon.

up the moment together. Have fun.

N Finalize receiving line, timeline, and itinerary of

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the day.

No matter what kind of wedding youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re having, hundreds of years of human experience offer4 some tried-and-true tips for making sure your big day is the best day it can be. Here are some: s 4RUST YOUR WEDDING PARTY AND KEY PLAYERS s ,AUGHTER IS THE BEST BEAUTY TIP ! SMILE GOES A LONG way. s 2EMEMBER TO IMPLEMENT THE STRESS BUSTER TECHniques you and your partner agreed to use. s !LWAYS TELL YOUR PARTNER WHY YOU LOVE HIM OR HER s !SSUME THAT ABOUT PERCENT OF YOUR GUEST LIST will not attend, so invite extras accordingly. s 7ALK AROUND IN YOUR WEDDING SHOES BEFORE THE BIG day so that they are properly broken in. s 0LAN A SPECIAL DINNER WITH YOUR PARTNER WITHOUT any wedding talk. Just relax and enjoy a night together.

Âł! eSSYa ]cb N Finalize seating plan. Call guests who have not returned RSVPs.

N Have your ďŹ nal ďŹ tting.

N If you have a gown, pick it up and hang it in a cool, dry place. Try to avoid sunlight.

N ConďŹ rm details with all vendors.

N Arrange times for key players to pick up items they are responsible for.

N Write a toast for the rehearsal dinner.

N Pack for the honeymoon.

and other personal items for the next day.

N Have a friendly get-together with everyone and

A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` # Â&#x2019; ESRRW\U >`WRS

â&#x20AC;&#x153;THE GROUP THAT STARTED THE METROPOLITAN AREAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;LOVE AFFAIRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; WITH WEDDING TRUMPETERS

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eâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never been closer to full marriage equality nationwide â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and the road ahead has perhaps never seemed quite so confusing to follow.

So letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s review whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happened in the past 12 months and, with all due humility, take a peek into the crystal ball â&#x20AC;&#x201D; mindful that things are moving so quickly the picture might change before you read these words.

As 2013 was winding down, the gay and lesbian community was still glowing from the summertime victories at the Supreme Court, where the federal Defense of

Marriage Act was struck down and marriage equality was restored to California, home to more than one in 10 Americans.

By last December, same-sex marriage was legal in 17 states and the Obama administration was working hard to ensure that any legally married gay or lesbian couple â&#x20AC;&#x201D; regardless of where they live â&#x20AC;&#x201D; would enjoy federal government recognition of their union on critical matters such as Internal Revenue Service ďŹ ling, inheritance taxes, and Social Security.

Then, in Decemberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s waning days, something extraordinary happened. A federal court in Utah declared that the same-sex marriage ban in that state violated the U.S. Constitution. For a couple of weeks â&#x20AC;&#x201D; until the Supreme Court stepped in with a temporary stay on the ruling, pending an appeal by Utah â&#x20AC;&#x201D; joyous images of gay and lesbian couples marrying across the Mormon homeland ricocheted around the globe via the Internet.

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>3<<AG:D/<7/ time, as it turned out), the revolution begun in Salt Lake City soon became a stampede. Federal judges in nearly 20 other states agreed with the Utah outcome, largely based on last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Defense of Marriage Act decision.

The decision was focused speciďŹ cally on the question of the federal government recognizing marriages legal in speciďŹ c states, but court after court this year ruled that the logic in that Supreme Court decision inevitably leads to the conclusion that gay and lesbian couples enjoy a federal constitutional right to marry.

Only in Louisiana and Puerto Rico did a federal court conclude otherwise. And even though most states that lost in federal court appealed, Oregon and Pennsylvania decided against doing so and let couples begin to marry.

The number of gay marriage states inched up to 19.

The revolutionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s second phase began in July, when a federal appeals court upheld marriage victories in Utah and Oklahoma. Appeals courts later came to similar conclusions in cases involving Virginia, Indiana, Wisconsin, Idaho, and Nevada. These rulings seem to set the stage for the Supreme Court to take up the question.

Nobody expected the high court to simply stand back and let the appeals court rulings go into effect without deciding the merits.

But, on Oct. 6, that is exactly what the Supreme Court did, saying it would not hear appeals by the states that had their gay marriage bans struck down. Because a ruling from an appeals court applies to all the states within its jurisdiction, the Supreme Courtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s passive approach here proved profound. During the past two months, gay marriage has expanded to all 16 states within the four ESRRW\U >`WRS Â&#x2019; A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` #

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circuits that found bans unconstitutional.

The tally of states mushroomed to 35.

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re now at the critical juncture. On Nov. 6, while states from South Carolina to Alaska were coming to terms with the sudden requirement that they allow same-sex couples to marry, the Cincinnati-based Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals upheld marriage bans in Ohio, Michigan, Tennessee, and Kentucky that had earlier been struck down by lower courts.

The Supreme Court is going to ďŹ nd it tougher to duck appeals from the Sixth Circuit the way it did on Oct. 6.

Different appeals courts around the country have now come to opposite conclusions about marriage equality.

One of the Supreme Courtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top responsibilities is to resolve such â&#x20AC;&#x153;circuit splits.â&#x20AC;?

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, almost universally considered a pro-marriage equality vote, has, on several occasions, said the high court would likely step in only when such a split occurred.

That time is now, and any day now, the Supreme Court could decide whether to take up one of the appeals from the Sixth Circuit ruling. A key question is whether arguments could be scheduled and a decision reached by the end of the term in June â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or if the case would be put off until the fall of 2015.

The Supreme Court hearing one or more of the appeals would almost certainly mean the question of a federal constitutional right for gay and lesbian couples to "

9/<A/A marry would be deďŹ nitively settled.

Most legal pundits agree the high court is likely to be split along typical right-left lines â&#x20AC;&#x201D; with Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, and Samuel Alito written off as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Noâ&#x20AC;? votes and Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, Elena Kagan, and Sonia Sotomayor counted on to vote â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes.â&#x20AC;?

Arguably, there may be two justices in the middle.

Anthony Kennedy is the swing vote on the court more often than any of his colleagues, and he has authored all three major gay-rights decisions in the courtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s history â&#x20AC;&#x201D; each of them closely decided.

Chief Justice John Roberts may seem a more unlikely swing vote â&#x20AC;&#x201D; he sided with the anti-gay minority on the Defense of Marriage Act, after all. On the other hand, if he sees the handwriting on the wall for a gay marriage win, he may exercise his authority as chief justice to choose who writes the majority opinion to ensure as narrow a ruling as possible, one that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t create a broader precedent affecting other gay rights or civil rights claims.

The most hopeful sign is the high courtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s decision not to take up the marriage question back in October.

Only four votes are needed to accept an appeal for review. If conservatives on the court were convinced they had ďŹ ve votes to defeat gay marriage â&#x20AC;&#x201D; if both Roberts and Kennedy were seen as solidly on their side â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Scalia would undoubtedly have rallied a bloc of four to accept one or more of those appeals. Scalia apparently lacked that conďŹ dence.

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718.843.5055 | Howard Beach, NY | www.russosonthebay.com

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day details, and travel and entertainment suggestions 6]e b] Q`SObS g]c` ]e\ ding for out-of-town guests.

Just how are you supposed to include all that on tiny eSRRW\U eSPaWbS save-the-dates?

Simple. Just add a link to your wedding website.

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ouâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ironed out a bunch of imperative details â&#x20AC;&#x201D; booking a venue, hiring a caterer and photographer, taking engagement photos, and scaling down your guest list. Now what?

Time to send out your save-the-dates, which are fun, informal, personalized little announcements packed with a whole lot of information such as registry venues, vital wed $

Many couples are building customized wedding websites as a means of simplifying the process between wedding planning and wedding execution.

A site dedicated to your big day eases anxiety during your next phase of wedding planning by allowing you to manage your guest list (guests can RSVP online), share all pertinent information in one place, and make announcements regarding last-minute changes. Plus, guests who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know each other can become acquainted via comment threads on your site, and you can even send out invitations directly from your website and save a tree or two.

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Sold? Not sure? Now here are a few things to keep in mind in considering whether to carve out your little romantic corner in cyberspace:

one). Include your wedding website URL on save-the-date cards, invitations, and mass e-mails so everyone knows where to get the latest 411.

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First and foremost, decide whether you actually need a wedding website. If your wedding will be an intimate affair â&#x20AC;&#x201D; say, 30 guests or less â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and all of them live nearby, building a site may become a cumbersome task rather than a time-saving tool. Keep in mind, however, that a wedding website provides several additional beneďŹ ts other than sharing information in advance of the big day. It can serve as a digital photo album that all your guests can easily access. It can also serve as a keepsake.

Wedding builder sites such as eWedding will let you keep an ofďŹ&#x201A;ine copy of the site as a memento. Plus, you can share the story of how you met and the sweet details of the proposal, and eloquently explain why â&#x20AC;&#x201D; give guests time to digest this one â&#x20AC;&#x201D; cellphones will be banned from the ceremony.

There are many wedding building sites available. The Knot, Wedding Jojo, and Glo are just a few popular options. Most have a free trial so if you have some unexpected time on your hands, try out a couple of these sites and see if one of them strikes your fancy. Features may vary from site to site, but they all usually include an online RSVP option, the ability to upload photos, and the ability to customize your domain name.

5Sb abO`bSR SO`Zg If you have decided that a wedding website is the way to go, set up the site six months before the wedding, so you and your guests! have time to plan for wedding-related events such as meet-and-greet brunches, rehearsal dinners, and wedding party bashes â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or skydiving excursions.

9SS^ Wb aW[^ZS Just use your name and your to-beâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s as the web address, like â&#x20AC;&#x153;PaulandBert.com.â&#x20AC;? If you both have common names and the URL you want is already taken, add something simple at the end such as â&#x20AC;&#x153;wedding,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;tietheknot,â&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;msandms.â&#x20AC;?

0S ^`S^O`SR b] `S^SOb g]c`aSZT Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t expect people to remember you have a website. You need to remind guests during any and every opportunity â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get annoyed if you have to repeat the URL numerous times (hence a simple

B`WQY g]c` aWbS ]cb You checked out a few wedding building sites, but couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ďŹ nd one that offered all the features you want to include. Consider hiring a web designer who can deck out a site for you with all the bells and whistles. When you factor in the price of maintaining your wedding website through a site-building company, there may not be much of a difference in cost. Plus, if you hire a professional to design your wedding website to your exact speciďŹ cations, you may best capture the essence of your love story in a truly unique way.

0cWZR P`WRUSa If you provide a little more detail on your site, it can help distant relatives and guests feel closer to you as a couple and make your wedding a truly inclusive experience for everyone. For instance, post a wedding party roster that includes names and photos of your maids of honor or best men, ring bearer, and other members of your wedding party. This will make your select circle feel all warm-and-fuzzy and gives out-oftowners, such as your college roommate, a chance to pick your mom out of the crowd and offer a congratulatory squeeze. You can also blog your wedding planning experience and include silly photos (imagine that!) of you and your partner.

Weddings at the historic Riverside Church

Weddings & Receptions in a Gothic Landmark with views of the Hudson River

Extensive Experience with same-sex, interfaith, & intercultural couples Contact Angela Gregory, Wedding Coordinator 212.870.6762 | agregory@theriversidechurchny.org www.theriversidechurchny.org ESRRW\U >`WRS Â&#x2019; A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` #

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a napkin ring (or a bread basket, also unnecessary), Cattano advises that you sit down with your partner and realistically think about what your life, post-marriage, will look like.

Will you be moving in together for the ďŹ rst time? Redecorating? Think about what you will actually need, and then craft a registry around that.

@Sab]QY dWO g]c` `SUWab`g You have probably been cohabitating with your ďŹ ancĂŠe for a while being that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost 2014, you are gay, and same-sex marriage only recently became legal. That means you may not need pots and pans, dishes, or any of the usual registry stuff. So why not use the opportunity to upgrade what you do have? Fresh bedding and new towels are always a good idea â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and the old linens can be donated to animal shelters.

our wedding isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t traditional â&#x20AC;&#x201D; by virtue of the fact that you are marrying your same-sex partner. So why is your gift registry straight out of the 1960s? â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of people feel forced to do the registry,â&#x20AC;? says Laura Cattano, a professional organizer based out of New York City who helps couples organize and de-clutter their homes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to do it, but they feel relatives want to buy them something.â&#x20AC;?

Cattano has become intimately familiar with the junk that can quickly accumulate if registries arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t carefully curated. Here are a few tips for getting the most out of your registry, instead of a pile of appliances that you will never use:

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Your Aunt Myrna is old-fashioned, so you have to register at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for something simple and practical. But a registry doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to be all or nothing. You can create several. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Register a few things you would actually use, and then think outside the registry,â&#x20AC;? Cattano says.

Gift cards and donations for dream honeymoons are a great way for friends and family to buy couples something special without overďŹ&#x201A;owing their kitchen cabinets. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Think about what you guys do as a couple. Say, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Here are three of our favorite restaurants, so if anyone wants to chip in and get us a gift card, that would be greatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;? Cattano advises. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chop up the registry, so not everythingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at Crate and Barrel.â&#x20AC;?

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So donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even bother requesting an ice cream maker.

Cattano has glanced at many clientsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; registries. She always has the same question: Have you ever used a napkin ring before in your lives?

The answer, according to Cattano is never surprising: No. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Then theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Why did I register for napkin rings?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

To avoid a clutter catastrophe much bigger than

By far, the most popular gifts Cattano sees in her clientsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; homes are pricey decorative items that are gathering dust and cluttering up the room. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to register for those things, make sure youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not registering for seven chrome vases,â&#x20AC;? she says, adding that you should know where things like vases, bowls, and frames will go before asking for them.

And beware of this thinking trap: I would never buy that for myself, so I should ask for it! â&#x20AC;&#x153;If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve lived this long without it, why would you want it now?â&#x20AC;? says Cattano.

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?cOZWbg ]dS` _cO\bWbg Under no circumstances should you request a set of anything. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You never need the set,â&#x20AC;? Cattano stresses. â&#x20AC;&#x153;For the same price, you can get the three pieces you really want, the pieces youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll actually use, at a higher grade, and you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to store 15 pieces.â&#x20AC;?

And donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel compelled to ask for every kind of cocktail glass. A margarita tastes the same in a tumbler and a margarita glass.

1]\aWRS` ]bVS`a Maybe you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want more stuff. Maybe youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re worried that you will only get the cheap stuff and no one will spring for the big-ticket items on your registry.

Or maybe youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re really philanthropic. Whatever the reason, consider having friends and family donate to a charity â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially one that deals with LGBT rights. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Think about giving to others,â&#x20AC;? says Cattano. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tell your family, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;They have fought for us and given us this. Now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s our turn to give to them.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;? &

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y friends Crystal and Kay were among the hundreds of gay and lesbian couples who took advantage of the opportunity to marry on the very ďŹ rst day it was legally possible in New York â&#x20AC;&#x201D; July 24, 2011. City Hall was mobbed that day with the lucky winners of a lottery established to make certain all the license applications on that Sunday â&#x20AC;&#x201D; when marriage bureaus typically are closed â&#x20AC;&#x201D; could be processed.

Still, Crystal and Kay also wanted a chance to cel

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ebrate their union with friends and family, and since they were already legally hitched, the person ofďŹ ciating at that post-nuptial ceremony did not have to be a justice of the peace or an ordained minister.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s where I came in.

I met Crystal back in 2002 soon after discovering that there was a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pro tackle football team called the Sharks here in New York. I attended one of its home games in Queens and met Crystal, who was managing the team. Impressed by the Sharks, I told Crystal I would do whatever I could to be supportive. And supportive I was â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even agreeing to sing the National Anthem at a home game. In time, I became the Sharksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; volunteer director of public relations and the experience made us close. And even though weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re vastly different â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we have different religions, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m 15 years older, and sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s AfricanAmerican while Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m white â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we now consider ourselves extended family.

I met her wife, Kay, a few times before they were married, including one occasion when they both came to my home for Passover Seder. It was obvious, through my observations and phone conversations with Crystal, that Kay was â&#x20AC;&#x153;the one.â&#x20AC;?

Soon after a justice of the peace married the ladies, the subject of having another wedding came up. Kay, who always thought about having an elaborate dream wedding, wanted something formal. It was then that Crystal asked if I would do the honor of ofďŹ ciating.

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This means youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re restricting guests from texting, tweeting, and posting on Facebook and Instagram during your ceremony, and â&#x20AC;&#x201D; if you really want an unplugged affair â&#x20AC;&#x201D; your reception.

Keep in mind that some guests may be very attached to their phones and will balk at the suggestion. But if this is important to you, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be afraid to ask everyone to unplug for a few hours.

Remember to mind your manners, though.

How you choose to break the news to your guests is up to you. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your wedding and your rules. Some couples have chosen to do so directly on the wedding invitation or website, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a good idea to send out a mass e-mail or to text a reminder a day or two before the wedding so the phoneaddicted will receive the message loud and clear.

But even if you have taken these ďŹ rst steps in banning electronic distractions from your wedding, how do you actually implement the rule? Here are a few methods that will ensure that your guests fork over their phones without getting all Bride-or-Groomzilla on them:

BVS V]\]` Q]RS [SbV]R The least intrusive way of getting everyone to unplug is the honor code approach. Notify your guests beforehand, but issue a friendly reminder on the day of â&#x20AC;&#x201D; either by asking your best man or maid-of-honor to greet guests with a gentle reminder they are attending an unplugged wedding or by having your ofďŹ ciant make an announcement just before the ceremony begins. Keep in mind, however, this method relies on everyone actually following your â&#x20AC;&#x153;no phoneâ&#x20AC;? rule, so if you have any teenagers, Instagram addicts, or â&#x20AC;&#x153;terribly important peopleâ&#x20AC;? on the guest list, you may want to utilize a bolder tactic.

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echnology enhances our lives, but it can also be disruptive, at times inappropriately so. Imagine a guestâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cellphone going off as you say your vows!

And consider the nightmare if his ring tone is Queenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Another One Bites the Dust.â&#x20AC;?

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s this sort of potential mayhem that is leading more and more couples to ask their guests to disconnect on the day they connect by throwing an unplugged wedding.

The concept behind an unplugged wedding is asking your guests to hand over their cellphones and other electronic gadgets or simply requesting that all such gizmos and do-dads be shut off until the wedding is over.

The Season 3 premiere of HBOâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Veepâ&#x20AC;? featured an unplugged wedding and, although the story arc was intended to highlight how attached politicos are to their phones, it did illustrate a casual, lighthearted way of unplugging your guests. Designate a member of your wedding party to walk up to guests and ask them to deposit their phones in a ďŹ sh bowl. Of course, you can opt to go with a prettier â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or sillier â&#x20AC;&#x201D; container.

DOZSb g]c` UcSaba¸ ^V]\Sa Have a table set up, preferably at the venue entrance, with bags and rafďŹ&#x201A;e-style tickets. Have someone check guests in as they arrive, place each guestâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s phone into one of the bags, and hand them one half of a ticket. The other half of the ticket goes in the bag with the cellphone and guests can claim their beloved device afterwards. Do make sure, of course, that the bags are kept in a safe place.

/RRSR [SOac`Sa You can have some â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wedding now. Phone laterâ&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;We want to see your face, not Facebookâ&#x20AC;? signs printed up and posted outside of the venue. See if you can order the signs from the same vendor you used for the wedding invitations so that they match.

AOg ¡^ZSOaS ¸ Pcb OZa] aOg ¡QVSSaS¸ The biggest objection youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re likely to hear from your guests is, â&#x20AC;&#x153;But I want to take pictures!â&#x20AC;? And you want to make your guests just as happy as you and your beloved, so discuss options with your photographer for uploading a few photos to Dropbox or another ďŹ le sharing service so you can post them on Facebook or send them out via e-mail to your guests. You can also ask if your photographer can make a few group shots available online for everyone to see or download for free before the actual album photos are ready.

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Selected by Gay City News readers as the Best Weekend Getaway, Fire Island is the perfect place for a same sex wedding. This car-free barrier island, less than two hours from Manhattan, includes some of the most beautiful beaches on the East Coast, all within a national park.

Two gay towns, Cherry Grove and Fire Island Pines, are well established havens for LGBT visitors and residents. The towns complement each other, welcoming the full spectrum of the LGBT rainbow.

Whatever your wedding dreams, you can make it happen on Fire Island!

While planning a wedding on an island accessible only by boat may seem intimidating, veteran event planners, known for producing legendary parties, can handle all the logistics to make sure your special day goes smoothly.

Venues for your ceremony or reception are varied. Popular night clubs, restaurants, resorts and private homes offer unique options for space, food, entertainment and atmosphere at any budget. You can even have your wedding on the beach or on a sunset cruise on the Great South Bay! Hotels and guest houses, in every price range, can accommodate your wedding party. Stage your wedding in a private house

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Fire Island â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the Perfect Spot for a Wedding

and create a magical experience by renting a glamorous ocean front modern, a stunning bay front contemporary or a secluded cottage with magniďŹ cent gardens.

A variety of caterers are available to provide everything from simple appetizers, to outdoor barbeque, to a sit down formal dinner and of course a spectacular wedding cake! Fire Island is known for its creative talent â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a jazz band, classical musician or world famous DJ can bring the right mood

for your event.

Whyte Hall, the community center in the Pines, offers both indoor and outdoor space with a full professional kitchen. The space is extremely ďŹ&#x201A;exible, with options for a 172 seat theater or open space for a ceremony, dinner and dancing.

Whether you are planning an elaborate affair or a simple ceremony, Fire Island is the fabled romantic center of gay culture and ideal for celebrating your love and commitment.

THE BEST PLACE TO START

HAPPILY EVER AFTER FIRE ISLAND PINES

* Rental properties available

from one week to full season * Ideal accommodations for bridal parties and out of town guests * Honeymoon packages also available

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need some time to decompress and that once you ďŹ nish up your granola, turn off your Kindle, or get back out of bed, the planning can resume.

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lanning your wedding can be one of the most stressful experiences in your life â&#x20AC;&#x201D; unless you ever have the unfortunate experience of getting audited by the Internal Revenue Service. That may be slightly worse.

But donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fret â&#x20AC;&#x201D; wedding preparation isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t as nervewracking as the government scrutinizing your ďŹ nances under a federal microscope (sorry, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still traumatized). Yes, you are going to get stressed out, and screaming into a pillow may become a nightly ritual. But weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got your back â&#x20AC;&#x201D; much like a comfy pillow! All you have to do is follow these simple nerve-numbing tips:

7b Wa OZZ OP]cb g]c Wedding magazines have taken over your coffee table, your inbox is ďŹ&#x201A;ooded with responses from vendors, and it has been nothing but â&#x20AC;&#x153;wedding, wedding, wedding,â&#x20AC;? since you set the date. How do you escape this insanity? Reduce tension by taking a â&#x20AC;&#x153;me day.â&#x20AC;? Once a week, schedule a few hours of down time without your partner. Get a massage, schedule a mani-pedi, go for a long stroll in the park, visit a museum, take a bubble bath â&#x20AC;&#x201D; anything to disconnect from the planning frenzy for a few hours. Not only will some â&#x20AC;&#x153;me timeâ&#x20AC;? give your busy brain a chance to rest, but it will reenergize you for the next phase of planning.

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# 2ObS \WUVb Date night allows you both to take a break from the wedding planning chaos and rejuvenate as a couple. Go out for a romantic dinner, take in a movie, or just order some take-out and catch up on some binge TV. Just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t discuss any of the wedding arrangements. Put aside all wedding talk and take the time to reconnect â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at least until the season ďŹ nale of â&#x20AC;&#x153;House of Cardsâ&#x20AC;? is over or youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re out of pad thai.

$ 8]c`\OZ bVS X]c`\Sg Writers and poets throughout history will attest to the cathartic beneďŹ t of jotting down your feelings. Pick out a moleskin and designate it as your â&#x20AC;&#x153;OfďŹ cial wedding journalâ&#x20AC;? and use it to catalog your doubts, anxieties, and wedding planning triumphs. Keeping a journal also allows you to open up about your feelings without feeling self-conscious. Sometimes you just need to vent â&#x20AC;&#x201D; youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not looking for feedback.

Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it funny how half of the people youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re inviting to the wedding make their livings as wedding planners?

Be forewarned: people will be heaping unsolicited advice on you and you will feel like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re drowning. Your cousin Sally may insist (over and over) that you hire her best friend as the ďŹ&#x201A;orist or your best man Joe may assure you that his buddy is the best DJ in town. Sometimes you will actually receive good advice, but a lot of the time you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. The important thing to keep in mind is that it is always well-intentioned advice. As long as you act like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a contestant on â&#x20AC;&#x153;Who Wants to be a Millionaire?â&#x20AC;? and insist that you have the ďŹ nal answer and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need to use a lifeline, you will be ďŹ ne.

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Settle on a budget and stick to it. Make a blood oath if you have to. Promise that neither of you will push for unnecessary extravagances such as arriving at the wedding via horse-drawn carriage or helicopter if it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t originally planned. If you come across the perfect wedding dress or venue and each is a bit more than you had allotted

Designate your breakfast nook, living room sofa, or bedroom as a safe space in your home where you and your to-be can take refuge from the seemingly endless wedding discussion. By escaping to your safe zone, you and your partner are signaling to each other that you "

Sometimes weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re the only ones who can talk ourselves down from the ledge. Come up with a mantra that you can summon when the stress is getting out of control. Close your eyes and slowly breathe in and out as you repeat, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everything will be just ďŹ ne,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We will ďŹ nd the perfect venue,â&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can have some Ben & Jerryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s after we choose our invitation fontâ&#x20AC;? as many times as it takes to settle your nerves and ďŹ nd your chi.

Set weekly, monthly, or quarterly goals and write them down. Start off with the goal of choosing the color palette or the venue. Next, decide on the style and wording of the invitations. The next month take the time to research, visit, and choose your ďŹ&#x201A;orist. You can even take a look at our wedding checklist for tips on when to do what tasks. Breaking up a huge event into small, manageable responsibilities will not only help you two focus, but will give you peace of mind. And if you get stuck on one item, such as catering, move to the next and then revisit that one later.

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for, go over the budget together and see if you can make up that difference by saving money on something else.

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' 2]\¸b VObS O^^`SQWObS It is hard to gather 100 people in one place without some sort of melodrama. Get ready for the backlash once your invitations go out. Your guest list, seating arrangements, and family feuds are likely to become topics of conversation broached by inconsiderate guests. You may even be deluged with threats such as, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not going if heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goingâ&#x20AC;? or emotional blackmail like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;How could you invite her after what she did to me? Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you care about my feelings at all?â&#x20AC;?

Have a standard answer ready for any of these such attacks. Something along the lines of, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everyone we invited means something to us. We really want you to be a part of our special day, but we are not going to change ours minds and we are not going to entertain any negativity. I really

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hope youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re there on the most important day of my life.â&#x20AC;?

=cba]c`QS If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re getting that stressed out, hire an wedding planner. It is not a cop out â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it is a timesaver and pressure reducer. If planning your wedding is causing tension between you and yours and you have the money, hire someone to do all the research so all you have to do is point and nod. If your budget prevents you from hiring a wedding planner, look into wedding coaches. A bridal or wedding coach will help you create a budget; choose your theme; locate vendors according to your tastes, style, and budget; and provide you with two very important documents â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a detailed budget and a timeline.

And hiring a wedding coach is not cost-prohibitive.

Weddingcoach.ca offers this service via Skype for only $197.

Now thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s money well spent. #

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eâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all heard plenty of talk about drone strikes in distant locations across the globe, but what about using aerial drones to â&#x20AC;&#x153;shootâ&#x20AC;? wedding ceremonies right here at home?

Yes, you read that correctly. One of the latest trends in wedding photography is the use of aerial drones. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry, they arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t used to keep your guests â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even your drunk Uncle Larry â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in line. Rather, couples and photographers say the use of drones provides some of the best wedding pictures imaginable from angles that would be otherwise impossible to get. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are endless possibilities for camera angles that no other photographer can get,â&#x20AC;? Picture Perfect: Portrait and Design owner Dale Stierman told the HufďŹ ngton Post. Stiermanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s company recently added aerial drone photography as one of its services.

Imagine an aerial shot of the entire wedding ceremony â&#x20AC;&#x201D; one that sweeps the gorgeous outdoor venue and all 500 guests. Traditional wedding photography just isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t capable of capturing such a shot. This opens up the chance to memorialize the entire wedding experience better than just standard close-up and medium shots of guests, decorations, and the wedding cake.

Of course, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll want close-ups, too, and most drones are able to zoom in and deliver the types of wedding photos everyone expects in addition to wide aerial shots. And even with a drone overhead, photographers on the ground can capture additional photos, such as

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candid, unplanned shots.

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re considering using aerial drones to capture photo and video of your wedding, there is one very important thing to keep in mind â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it may be illegal. Make sure that your photographer checks with local government authorities ďŹ rst and then follows up by verifying current federal regulations.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a factor that can trip up even those youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d assume are in the know. New York Representative Sean Patrick Maloney, the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ rst out gay member of Congress, caught ďŹ&#x201A;ak for using a drone at his June wedding to longtime partner Randy Florke. Neither partner expected that any controversy would arise from their decision, but Maloney, a member of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Aviation Subcommittee, faced embarrassing questions â&#x20AC;&#x201D; though they never turned into a major issue in his successful reelection campaign. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Like most people who are about to get married, I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t up to date on the lack of regulations around the emerging technology of a wedding photographer mounting a camera on a remote control helicopter,â&#x20AC;? Maloney told the New York Times, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and now a month after our wedding, even more judges have conďŹ rmed the absence of laws and regulations.â&#x20AC;?

Clear guidelines are urgently needed, the Hudson Valley Democrat said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Every day another group of photographers, ďŹ lmmakers, farmers, search and rescue teams, or researchers are expressing their frustration with the total lack of clarity on a technology that could save lives or simply take a few wedding photos,â&#x20AC;? Maloney said.

As of right now, the Federal Aviation Administration does not allow the use of drones for commercial reasons.

However, with advancing technology and an increased demand for drone photography, there is a lot of controversy surrounding the agencyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stance. For example, earlier this year the National Transportation Safety Board dismissed a $10,000 ďŹ ne the Administration had imposed on photographer Raphael Pirker, who sold photos and video he took with the aid of a drone.

The FAA is appealing the administrative judgeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s decision, but more and more photographers are taking to the skies. You might be inclined to join them, but be warned â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the big picture remains fuzzy.

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edding ďŹ&#x201A;owers are ďŹ rmly planted in the lush garden of tradition â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but they also offer a great opportunity to represent your values and emotions on your big day.

What you clasp in your hands or pin to your lapel is a ancient rite that has remained largely unchanged over the years, though in centuries past, the nuptial tradition called for pungent herbs and spices to ward off evil spirits.

Your blooms will be scrutinized and remembered by your guests â&#x20AC;&#x201D; trust us â&#x20AC;&#x201D; so have them reďŹ&#x201A;ect your personality and complement your color scheme.

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re planning a spring wedding, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t restrict your palette to colorful pastels â&#x20AC;&#x201D; experts say you can do anything you want, as long as the ďŹ&#x201A;ower is fresh. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The ďŹ rst thing I ask customers is what kind of ďŹ&#x201A;owers are they looking for,â&#x20AC;? says Margaret Yven, owner of Petite Fleur in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn.

To assist them, Yven makes a personal trip to the wedding venue and then creates a custom bouquet, cas-

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cading with domestic and European buds, including dahlias, hydrangeas, peonies, and tulips â&#x20AC;&#x201D; all favorites.

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re aching for an autumn wedding, but want to add a summery splash, you can have your cake and eat it too by pairing soft hues with deeper shades of the same color.

Armando Cuatianquiz, owner of East Village Florist in Manhattan, says he gets an instinctive vibe from his clients the minute they walk in the door. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can see their style, I know what they like,â&#x20AC;? he said.

A bride-to-be contacted him recently for a bouquet, but she wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sure what she wanted, except that it should be eye-catching, and a comely contrast to her wedding dress and her grandmotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pendant, which she planned to wear.

Cuatianquizâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ&#x201A;oral plan for the October nuptials?

Clean lines and a heart-warming fusion of reds and oranges spun out of mango calla lilies and roses sprinkled with wild berries and leaves. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Simplicity is key because people can appreciate something that isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t too busy, and get a connection with it,â&#x20AC;? he contends.

You can also think outside of the garden and create a stunning arrangement made out of vintage broaches or creatively incorporate â&#x20AC;&#x153;something borrowedâ&#x20AC;? with a bouquet made out of family heirlooms. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re crafty, you can even construct a beautiful bouquet out of something as simple as paper or felt.

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rand is the only word to describe Robert Regina and Gene Kaganâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding. Well, maybe the word historic also applies.

On Oct. 18, for the ďŹ rst time in its history â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and likley the last â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Grand Central Terminal, in all its BeauxArts splendor, with a 48-foot ceiling and Tennessee pink marble ďŹ&#x201A;oor, served as a wedding venue. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Robbie and Gene asked me about two years ago if they were going to get married, what venue would I recommend in New York City,â&#x20AC;? says Jack Nolan, the chief executive ofďŹ cer of the Impressions Group South, who planned and produced the event. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Without hesitation, I said Grand Central Terminal. In its 114-year history, there has never been a wedding performed or celebrated in Vanderbilt Hall. We made history that will never be repeated, as the venue will soon no longer be available for a private event.â&#x20AC;?

But, ďŹ rst some background on the couple who brought Grand Central to this historic moment. Gene remembers thinking, when ďŹ rst meeting Robert, that he was cute â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and probably high maintenance. We havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t learned exactly how high maintenance he actually is, but Robert certainly has a ďŹ&#x201A;air for the dramatic. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We had decided when New York State acknowledged same-sex marriage to ďŹ nally tie the knot. I thought if we are going to get hitched, I might as well make a big, splashy proposal,â&#x20AC;? says Robert about the manner in which he proposed.

So on Fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day, at their home in the Fire Island Pines, where the couple was spending the weekend with their two young sons, Robert popped the question â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in the clouds.

Gene remembers the moment fondly: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Robbie pulled me outside and was pointing to the sky. It was so bright, I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see at ďŹ rst. Then I saw it! The plane was ďŹ&#x201A;ying the message â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Gene, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; I went into a state of shock!â&#x20AC;?

After that literally over-the-top proposal, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d expect an equally eye-popping wedding from the two men, especially given that both have made considerable marks in the fashion industry. Doting fathers that they are, it is no wonder that their sons, Aiden, 5, and Dylan, 3, were given a large role in the way the wedding was put together â&#x20AC;&#x201D; !

from the choice of its theme â&#x20AC;&#x153;We Are Familyâ&#x20AC;? to the design of the invitations, which were written from the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s point of view: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Aiden & Dylan request the honor of your presence at their parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; wedding.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;That set the tone for the whole party,â&#x20AC;? says Gene. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It became more about us as a family versus us as a couple.â&#x20AC;?

Robert adds, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our wedding was not only about just the two of us, but also about our two sons. The four of us were the main focal point, hence Jackâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s creation of the theme.â&#x20AC;?

The couple knew from the start that they wanted Nolan to plan the wedding. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted the most untraditional wedding,â&#x20AC;? says Gene. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are together for 10 years, have two children, and we are gay. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to throw a bouquet or cut the cake. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not who we are.â&#x20AC;?

Nolan, a longtime friend of the couple, knew he had to plan a fabulously breathtaking event, and he did not pull any punches. Guests were treated to two DJs, a percussionist, four opera singers, a pianist, and four violinists.

Kathy Sledge performing â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are Familyâ&#x20AC;? at the reception was just an added bonus.

Despite all the planning, boys will be boys when it comes to ďŹ nally tying the knot. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I had never been so anxious in my life,â&#x20AC;? recalls Gene. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not good at public speaking and I was afraid Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d stumble.â&#x20AC;?

Robbie chimes in, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was really only nervous about reading my vows. But I took the advice of a good friend and took a deep breath and spoke slowly and deliberately with feeling; not just rushing through reading my vows to get it over with.â&#x20AC;?

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ouâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve booked the venue, picked a caterer, written your vows, and chosen your ďŹ&#x201A;ower arrangements. You breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you have hit the home stretch â&#x20AC;&#x201D; until you realize that you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t booked the entertainment yet!

There is no shortage of wedding entertainers in New York, but you and your beloved have worked hard to bring a gay sensibility to your wedding and have so far chosen to go with LGBT-owned businesses for all your preparations. Now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to ďŹ nd gay or lesbian entertainers for your wedding.

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve assembled what we think of as a top-ďŹ&#x201A;ight !

short list that includes a DJ, production company, a vocalist, and a performance troupe.

1W`_cS bOQcZO` 3\bS`bOW\[S\b Tad Emptage, a gay actor, singer, and dancer turned acrobat, and fellow entertainer Aaron Bonventre, founded this Cirque de Soleil-style troupe. The two have performed at New York City nightclubs, the Waldorf Astoria, and even in Times Square. This mobile entertainment company features contortionists, illusionists, trapeze artists, and jugglers who perform all around the globe. Emptage says he owes the companyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success to the fact that the performers are able to not just entertain, but to convey emotion through motion. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Any gesture that a person creates emotionally can be heightened in movement,â&#x20AC;? says Emptage. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So that it is understood visually, without relying on language.â&#x20AC;?

Cirque-tacular focuses on getting to know the couple and the venue in order to choreograph a routine that reďŹ&#x201A;ects the newlywedsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; love story. The show can include bullwhips, ďŹ re, and acrobatics. Rates vary depending on the length of the performance, but Emptage says Cirquetacularâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s prices are on par with those of a DJ or band.

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York City Opera for 20 years, is a trained classical and cabaret singer who has performed far and wide, and has also recorded professionally. She offers several services, including singing during the ceremony, the cocktail hour, or at the reception. Villas believes that there are several moments during the ceremony that can be greatly enhanced with music. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are a few places where music can and should be added â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the walk down the aisle, the unity candle, inbetween readings, and right before the kiss. It makes the service itself more meaningful,â&#x20AC;? says Villas.

To perform during the ceremony, Villas charges per song and for cocktail hours and receptions, her rates are hourly. Choose from religious-themed music, jazz vocals, pop music, and show tunes. She is also able to provide a violinist or a full jazz quartet, depending on your venue.

And what songs are the most requested? â&#x20AC;&#x153;For gay weddings, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;One Hand, One Heartâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; from â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;West Side Story,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Listen to My Heartâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; by Nancy LaMott, and just about every show tune you can think of with the word â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;loveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in it,â&#x20AC;? says Villas.

Ac^S`W]` A]c\Ra ::1 This gay-owned company offers full service entertainment as well as no muss, no fuss lists that play on cue. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We will DJ if thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what the couple wants,â&#x20AC;? says coowner, MarqĂşis Evans. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Typically the couples will select a genre or, in a lot of cases, give us a preselected playlist on an iPod or CD and ask us to just plug it in. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re totally ďŹ&#x201A;exible to our clientsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; needs and creativeness.â&#x20AC;?

Couples can select a basic package or go with a fullon nightclub package with large speakers, up-lighting, moving heads, and television screens. Superiorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rates are based on the services requested and the length of time

performers or equipment are needed.

Expect a large variety of music to choose from, including country, jazz, â&#x20AC;&#x2122;20s, â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s, pop, rock, Latin, hip-hop, house, electro, swing, disco, and even metal. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rare,â&#x20AC;? says Evans. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happened.â&#x20AC;? Couples usually request â&#x20AC;&#x153;I Wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Give Upâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Yoursâ&#x20AC;? by Jason Mraz, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sexy and I Know Itâ&#x20AC;? by LMFAO, and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Blurred Linesâ&#x20AC;? by Robin Thicke, plus a lot of Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Kesha.

AbOQg HS[]\ Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got two decades of experience and has worked as a radio, club, mobile, and karaoke DJ, reaching an audience of millions throughout her career.

The lesbian DJ offers â&#x20AC;&#x153;customized high-end entertainment servicesâ&#x20AC;? that AbOQSg HS[]\ include a selection of songs numbering in the thousands as well as high-quality sound and lighting equipment. Zemon can accommodate many different budgets as well.

Choose from 1940s, contemporary, ballads, oldies, classic rock, disco, hip-hop, standards, country, and ethnic music â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or a combination. She says that classic slow jams and current pop songs are the most popular. She also feels that hiring an LGBT entertainer does make a difference at a same-sex wedding. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can personally relate to the client and the audience, and therefore do a better job,â&#x20AC;? says Zemon.

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honeymoon is typically the ďŹ rst adventure a couple embarks on after saying goodbye to their guests and enjoying their ďŹ rst night of wedded bliss. Why travel to a locale where your hard-fought right to marry is disrespected by the law?

A decade ago, Provincetown was sort of it as far as a marriagefriendly honeymoon spot went. We love Cape Cod, but still enthusiastically celebrate the quickly expanding map of options.

<O^O DOZZSg One of northern Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s prime wine regions, the Napa Valley may be the most luxurious honeymoon destination in America â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a quiet, slow-paced collection of small towns where you and your new spouse will be pampered on every level. Laid back to be sure, Napa also offers culinary adventure to go with the superb wine choices. You can also enjoy some of the best meandering scenic drives you will ever take in your life.

Chateau De Vie, in Calistoga, is our pick for your honeymoon base while exploring the Napa Valley.

Chateau De Vie: 3250 Highway 128, Cal1VObSOc 2S DWS istoga, cdvnapavalley.com, (877) 558â&#x20AC;&#x201C;2513

>O`Wa Are there additional insightful words to add to the canon of poetic literature about Paris as the city of love? Smooch atop the Eiffel Tower, walk the Seine and the Champs-Ă&#x2030;lysĂŠes, wander the Louvre, or just people-watch in the Marais.

No matter how many times you visit, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impossible to ever fall out of love with Paris.

But remember that Paris includes 20 arrondissements, or districts, each of which offers a unique ďŹ&#x201A;avor. Be creative in choosing the part of town youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll stay in and consider picking a few favorites and experiencing a variety of different boutique hotels. Newlywed or in town to marry, you will ďŹ nd these choices very special.

Hotel de Nell: 7-9, rue du Conservatoire, (Right Bank, Ninth arrondissement), Paris, hoteldenell.com, 33â&#x20AC;&#x201C;01â&#x20AC;&#x201C;44â&#x20AC;&#x201C;838360 HĂ´tel Jules & Jim: 11, rue des Gravilliers, (trĂŠs gay Marais), Paris, hoteljulesetjim.com/en, 33â&#x20AC;&#x201C;01â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 44â&#x20AC;&#x201C;541313 Hotel Mama Shelter: 109, rue de Bagnolet, (Père Lachaise, 19th arrondissement), Paris, 33â&#x20AC;&#x201C;01â&#x20AC;&#x201C;43â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 484848, mamashelter.com/en/paris Continued on page 36

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Celebrate at Villa Amor Celebrate your big day at Villa Amor in Sayulita, Mexico â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait to see you in the sun. We love love (it is called Villa Amor, after all). Your wedding is about your love â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and there is no better way to show it than to unite by the ocean with friends and family.

Events are one of the things in which we pride ourselves at Villa Amor. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll work with you every step of the way to ensure that your wedding is absolutely ďŹ&#x201A;awless.

Call or e-mail us today and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll contact you immediately.

Our experienced and intuitive Social Events Director is available to assist you with planning every detail. We offer a variety of stunning wedding venues, food, music and activities to make your big day a truly memorable experience for you and your guests.

We offer an on-site restaurant with a wonderful selection of gourmet food to enhance your special day.

Villa Amor also offers many other services and the staff is

happy to assist you with anything that may make your day even more special.

When your friends and family follow you all the way to Mexico for a wedding, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll want to enjoy spending time with them taking in the local sights and sounds. We can assist you in planning a full itinerary that will keep you and your guests entertained for the duration of your stay with us. Sample itineraries are available and can be customized to meet the entertainment interests of your group.

Whether you want an intimate ceremony or a large celebration with your friends and family, Villa Amor is the perfect place for it. With beautiful locations on-site and nearby, as well as the ability to customize your ceremony to your exact style, Villa Amor offers you your dream wedding day â&#x20AC;&#x201D; worry free!

Call: (619) 819â&#x20AC;&#x201C;5407, (619) 819 5969, (602) 748â&#x20AC;&#x201C;4144. From Mexico, call 011â&#x20AC;&#x201C;329â&#x20AC;&#x201C;291â&#x20AC;&#x201C;3010. E-mail Karen Ruezga for information at weddings@ hotelvillaamorsayulita.com.

ACCURATE BUILDING INSPECTORSÂŽ Accurate Building InspectorsÂŽ is a full service home & building inspection ďŹ rm servicing New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts and the Nation since 1961.

With over 100 years of combined experience, Accurate Building InspectorsÂŽ provides inspections, consulting, assistance, testing services for homeowners, home buyers, real property managers, the legal profession, engineers, architects, corporate, governmental and foreign legations.

Our inspectors are licensed in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Massachusetts, and are members of The American Society Of Home Inspectors (ASHI). Our founder, Alvin Ubell is a Charter member of ASHI, Alvin was on the ethics committee at ASHlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s inception and co-wrote the ďŹ rst ASHI Code of Ethics. Not only do we inspect the property, but we also educate our client about the home they are going to buy.

We have and will continue served and supported the LGBT community.

Dedicated to Quality & Safety in Housing & ConstructionÂŽ. #"5) "7&/6& t #300,-:/ /&8 :03, 1 É&#x17E; É&#x17E; t 8 888 "$$63"5&#6*-%*/( $0.

EMAIL: ROXYď&#x2DC;łACCURATEBUILDING.COM

Your time has come....Celebrate it at Villa Amor!!!

Celebrate your big day at Villa Amor in Sayulita, Mexico - we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait to see you in the sun. We love love, it is called Villa Amor, after all. Your wedding is about your love - and no better than to unite by the ocean, with friends and family.

hotelvillaamorsayulita.com (619) 819-5407

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1]OabOZ ;OW\S It will probably surprise you, but there are more miles of windswept, wild, and craggy coastline in Maine than there are in California. Maineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s coast, of course, is also far less developed.

Late summer or early fall, by which point the North Atlantic has ďŹ nally warmed up enough to dive into, makes for a lovely time to visit and perhaps venture a lazy but breathtaking road trip.

In southern Maine â&#x20AC;&#x201D; below Portland â&#x20AC;&#x201D; eight famous summer communities, including the longtime gay haven Ogunquit, offer many creature comforts. But the most unique part of Maine is Down East, which youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be forgiven for if you think of as Up East â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the region north and east of Portland that includes Bath, Boothbay Harbor, Cam1O^S /`c\RSZ 7\\ den, Belfast, Bar Harbor and all the way up to the Canadian border, from which you can see FDRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s famed island resort of Campobello, in New Brunswick (where your marriage is also recognized!). As important as these known place-names, however, are the hundreds of ďŹ shing villages youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll discover if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re willing to detour off Route 1 from time to time.

Cape Arundel Inn and Resort: 208 Ocean Ave. in Kennebunkport, capearundelinn.com, (855) 346â&#x20AC;&#x201C;5700

/aVSdWZZS <]`bV 1O`]ZW\O North Carolina may have been home to Jesse Helms, but it also boasts Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s largest and perhaps most signiďŹ cant landmark home, Biltmore Estate. This late 19th century chateau was home to the Vanderbilts, when Asheville, with its fresh mountain air and easy train access, was the number one destination for Gilded Age New Yorkers.

With North Carolina now newly liberated for gay and lesbian marriage, why not consider a unique Smoky Mountain honeymoon?

1889 WhiteGate Inn & Cottage: 173 E. Chestnut St. in Asheville, whitegate.net, (800) 485â&#x20AC;&#x201C;3045

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Gay and lesbian married couples can now stand on the Four Corners where Nevada, Colorado, Arizona, and Utah meet and know the laws are on your side in all directions. Whichever route you take to arrive at the park, the trip will be something youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll always remember. Flying into Las Vegas gives you the chance to spend a couple of nights at the Mandarin International, which can arrange a spectacular private tour of the Grand Canyon. You can helicopter for hours and still see only a fraction of some of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most incredible scenery.

Mandarin International: 3752 Las Vegas Blvd.

South in Las Vegas, mandarinoriental.com/lasvegas, (702) 590â&#x20AC;&#x201C;8888

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;OcW The most traditional of American honeymoon destinations, Hawaii offers an astonishing array of luxurious choices across four or more of the islands.

The state is small, but that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get in the way of ďŹ nding remote, slow-paced villages or all the trappings of a gleaming metropolis, bathed in warm, tropical breezes and some of the most beautiful unspoiled nature anywhere. Hawaii is also one of those special places on earth where itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still possible to see night skies ďŹ lled with zillions of stars, their twinkling unfettered by the ambient glare of modern development.

Luxury in isolation is what we recommend. Take a cruise or hop a ďŹ&#x201A;ight from Honolulu to Maui and settle in at Hotel Wailea, a remarkable spot perched cliff-top 300 feet above the beach. You may never want to leave, but when you do, rest assured you will never forget its wondrous joys.

Hotel Wailea: 555 Kaukahi St. in Wailea, Maui, hotelwailea.com, (808) 874â&#x20AC;&#x201C;0500

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Elegant Romantic Affordable

Henryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Florist The Finest in Floral Designs

With over 75 years of experience, we will create ďŹ&#x201A;oral arrangements with style, elegance and distinction.

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ne thing most people are likely to notice about Mike Moreno and Aldrin Arche is that the two men share a distinct rhythm and enjoy a truly harmonious relationship. And maybe thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because both were passionate about music before they met in a choir at Oakland University in Michigan. At ďŹ rst, the two were just friends, but treble began to brew when their long-running joke of being â&#x20AC;&#x153;pretend boyfriendsâ&#x20AC;? took a turn for the real, and they ďŹ nally became a couple. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We were pretty much inseparable,â&#x20AC;? says Aldrin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Once we decided to be together, we were, you know, together.â&#x20AC;?

That was 17 years ago, and 13 years ago, the lovebirds moved from Michigan to New York to pursue Aldrinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s musical theater dreams.

Aldrin took to city life quickly, but Mike was earning a living teaching voice and choir at a Long Island high school and, in any event, considered the Big Apple mostly a big hassle. The two didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t spend a lot of time together in the city in their early months here.

After New York legalized gay marriage, Mike

quickly changed his tune. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We knew we were going to stay together, we just wanted it to be recognized by the state and government,â&#x20AC;? says Mike. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When [marriage equality] passed in New York in 2011, we just decided, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Okay, this is what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been waiting for and now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s here. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s get married.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I remember sitting in front of the TV, watching New York 1, watching the Senate. And it passed,â&#x20AC;? says Aldrin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even say anything. We just looked at each other, hugged, and we were like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Okay, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s do this!â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

Then the reality set in.

They had talked about getting married for a long time, but they never discussed the stark realities of wedding planning. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So we set a budget ďŹ rst,â&#x20AC;? says Mike. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And then when everything was said and done, we went over it again.â&#x20AC;?

They wanted to spend a good chunk of their money on the perfect venue, and the grooms-to-be went through a lot of unappetizing choices before they found Chelsea Piers Lighthouse. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We walked in,â&#x20AC;? says Mike. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And we absolutely fell in love with it. We were like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;This is it.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

Yet their dream venue â&#x20AC;&#x201D; with its big windows overlooking the sparkling Hudson River â&#x20AC;&#x201D; wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t available until February of 2013, and they wanted to get married in the fall of 2012.

Being under the venueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spell, however, they booked the wintry date â&#x20AC;&#x201D; something that almost spoiled their big event.

The day of their wedding started out gray and snowy.

But as the ceremony began, the sun appeared. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It sounds so clichĂŠ,â&#x20AC;? Aldrin says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But literally, we were walking down the aisle and the clouds parted. The sun was beaming in our faces and we felt all this love and energy. It was the most perfect moment in time.â&#x20AC;?

Since the two men didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want their wedding to be formulaic, they personalized it by hiring a stand-up comedian, Reid Kirchhoff, to ofďŹ ciate the ceremony. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was almost like a roast,â&#x20AC;? says Aldrin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But it was fun and light. The one joke that got the biggest laugh was, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Oh gosh, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to mess it up.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Reid made a joke about Aldrin being Filipino, and they eat rice, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Mexican,â&#x20AC;?

Mike jumps in. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So, he said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What goes better together than rice and beans?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

The couple decided to balance the weddingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lighter side with a unity candle ceremony, "

immediately after which family members were asked to walk up to a box with a piece of paper, an envelope, and a bottle of wine. Each was directed to write advice on the paper, seal it in the envelope, and place it in the box along with the bottle of wine. The box, once ďŹ lled with everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s notes and vino, was then sealed with wax from the candle used in their unity ceremony.

The idea is for the family membersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; contributions to be opened one at a time on successive anniversaries, when the couple will read one of the notes and drink one of the bottles of wine.

Another ďŹ ne-tuning Aldrin and Mike brought to their wedding was a choreographed dance to BeyoncĂŠâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Love On Top.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We both have theater backgrounds, I have a dance background,â&#x20AC;? says Aldrin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So, I thought we should do a ďŹ rst dance.â&#x20AC;?

But leading up to their big day, Aldrin was getting cold feet about that idea. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I thought it might be too cheesy,â&#x20AC;? he recalls. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But Mike convinced me.â&#x20AC;?

They tried to hide their rehearsals from their thenroommate because they wanted to surprise everyone at the wedding. And it was surprise. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We literally came out, got introduced, and went straight into the dance. It turned out great,â&#x20AC;? says Aldrin.

More than that, though, for Mike what turned out great was the wedding as a whole and being surrounded by the ones they love. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, we knew all the people who were coming,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But just seeing everyone there was a wonderful, wonderful thing.â&#x20AC;?

All photos by Kelly Williams.

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By Ily Goyanes

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tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sad, but some LGBT people have to look outside of their gene pool to create a â&#x20AC;&#x153;family.â&#x20AC;? Sometimes your friends are the only family you got. But at other very special times, rather than a small clique, your circle of friends encompasses the entire globe.

Meredith Hendrixâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parents turned down an invitation to their daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding ceremony last year when she and Kat Jackson tied the knot in Fayetteville, Arkansas. After being snubbed by Meredithâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parents, the last thing the couple expected was for strangers from around the world to join in their celebration, but thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s exactly what happened when Meredith posted images of their wedding on Tumblr.

Positive comments began to appear, and soon, tens of thousands of people from everywhere were offering congratulations and commenting on the stunning photos. The ethereal images captured by photographer Megan Burges beautifully evoke the beauty of the Hendrix-Jackson union. The media picked up on it and soon Meredith and Katâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mugs were appearing in the Daily Mail and Curve magazine. And while the couple do make an unbelievably adorable pair, what Meredith says on her Tumblr page is also true: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m just the subject, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the artist!â&#x20AC;?

Burges met her future viral subject Meredith when the two were freshmen in college. They became quick friends and Meredith even posed as for some of Burgesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s conceptual images for photography class. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When Meredith and Kat became engaged, they asked me to shoot their wedding and I was beyond excited to help them celebrate this special time in their lives,â&#x20AC;? says Burges. The well-known photographer knew the coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s style and tailored the images to capture the ESRRW\U >`WRS Â&#x2019; A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` #

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essence of their bond. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to create classic images with atmospheric quality,â&#x20AC;? says Burges. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to focus on their sweet relationship ďŹ rst, and capture them being exactly who they are together.â&#x20AC;?

She also believes in producing images that create the largest impact, and she sure did â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at last inspection the Tumblr post featuring Burgesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; photos of the couple had received more than 150,000 notes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When the images went viral, I was absolutely shocked,â&#x20AC;? says Burges. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was extremely excited to get the news and immediately ran to tell my mom.â&#x20AC;?

All photos by Megan Burges Photography. "#

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hen James Adams and Jonathan Boyles met in college, neither man was single but the connection they felt could not be denied.

The two were both students at the University of Virginia, but they rarely crossed paths.

It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until Jonathan dropped off some ďŹ&#x201A;yers at a gay leadership group meeting that James was attending that James thought there might be something worth pursuing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;A really tall guy came in and plopped down some ďŹ&#x201A;yers for a party at his house, and said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Here you all go,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; and went away,â&#x20AC;? recalls James. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I will admit I was totally smitten. He was my type: tall, lean, and handsome.â&#x20AC;?

When Jonathan moved to Brooklyn upon graduation, James, who was a year behind him in school, remained at Virginia. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when the courtship truly began â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a courtship that could only be described as traditional.

As the phone calls took place and e-mails, letters, postcards, and, yes, even mix tapes ďŹ&#x201A;ew between Brooklyn and Charlottesville, the immediate connection they had felt in college developed into love, culminating in a surprise visit on the most romantic day of the year. â&#x20AC;&#x153;That Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day, I remember writing to him from a computer lab after a physics exam â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and spending half of the time during the exam planning what I would write,â&#x20AC;?

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James reminisces. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Later that night, he surprised me at my door. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d driven all the way from New York City to Charlottesville. He gave me a single red rose. I still have it.â&#x20AC;?

Spending more time together only reinforced what the two had already suspected â&#x20AC;&#x201D; each man had found his soulmate.

After 18 years together, there was no need to pop the question once marriage equality became a reality. In fact, neither James nor Jonathan remembers anyone actually proposing. Getting hitched was a mutual decision that sprouted from conversations about their ideal wedding.

The conversations stemmed from working as caterers, event planners, and waiters during their ďŹ rst year together. Both agree that planning the wedding, which took place on Aug. 31 of last year, came easy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Admittedly, we can be very picky, but have similar tastes,â&#x20AC;? explains James. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We also know when we have found professionals who love their jobs.â&#x20AC;?

Jonathan agrees that choosing the right vendors helped: â&#x20AC;&#x153;We relied on professionals who are excellent at what they do. Our reception at Deity was perfect. The owners, Caio and Christine, were fun to work with and did a fantastic job. Our photographer, Steven Rosen, has an incredible talent and he was everywhere getting great photos. Although we did a lot of the planning ourselves, we also relied heavily on the staff of Deity and on Steven for their expertise.â&#x20AC;?

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Their do-it-yourself wedding invitations were in the form of a Broadway Playbill and included short proďŹ les and head shots of each of the wedding guests. Says James, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We wanted the focus of our wedding to be not on us but on all of the incredible friends and family who mean so much to us and make our relationship stronger. Everyone in the group married us â&#x20AC;&#x201D; all 86 signed the wedding certiďŹ cate. Twenty-six people had a speaking role in the ceremony.â&#x20AC;?

They also eschewed wedding favors, asked their dog Buzz to be the best man (he accepted), had their brothers serve as ring bearers, and got dressed together, at home. Oh, and Jonathan performed as deejay.

Relatives stayed only a few blocks away in a home they rented through airbnb.com and everyone met up outside and walked together to Fort Greene Park to meet the rest of the wedding guests.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;As we walked down DeKalb Avenue, we were greeted by strangers with â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;congratulationsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;mazel tov.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; It was wonderful to feel welcomed by our community,â&#x20AC;? says James.

Once they reached the top of the park, the guests formed a circle around James and Jonathan and joined the two in matrimony.

Tapping into their own experience and choosing the right vendors enabled the wedding to go off without a hitch, but these days, life is a bit more complicated.

Twin sons, Channing and Oliver, born 11 minutes apart on Oct. 13, keep both men busy, especially James, who is the one staying home. The experience, although hectic, is welcomed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The kids have taken that tremendous love we already feel and have made it four times bigger,â&#x20AC;? says James. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the best way I can explain it.â&#x20AC;?

All photos by Steven Rosen.

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enee and Kate Richardson met after being struck by Cupidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s arrow. Or rather, a digital arrow shot from the popular dating site OkCupid. Kate, who moved to New York from Philadelphia in 2012, joined the site looking to make new friends in the area. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The computer kept matching us at about 96 percent and for some reason I kept ignoring it,â&#x20AC;? remembers Kate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I thought, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What could the computer possibly know?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Finally after about four or ďŹ ve times of Renee being at the top of my recommended list, I e-mailed her. I think I wrote something along the lines of, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The computer keeps telling me to e-mail you, so I thought I should.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

Renee replied. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She said something like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not into big e-mail conversations back and forth. Want to go on a date?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; And of course, I said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Yes,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;? says Kate.

Both women walked into the date not expecting much, but after they both ordered the same cocktail and entree off of an extensive menu, they knew there was some kind of connection and warmed up to each other quickly. #

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he just radiated a joy about life,â&#x20AC;? says Renee. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I knew she would be a lot of fun.â&#x20AC;?

Kate, proving to have similar tastes, agreed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She was just so much fun right off the bat and I felt so comfortable and completely myself with her,â&#x20AC;? Kate remembers. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I found Renee to be funny, inquisitive, deeply connected to her family â&#x20AC;&#x201D; which is very important to me â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and I was charmed by the little sparkle in her gorgeous eyes.â&#x20AC;?

The women knew that they were destined to be together from that ďŹ rst date on.

In December of 2013, the couple got married, but not before Renee proposed â&#x20AC;&#x201D; twice! â&#x20AC;&#x153;The ďŹ rst time, Kate was cooking and I was nagging her about something completely irrelevant,â&#x20AC;? says Renee. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In the middle of my nag, I said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Will you marry me?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

Kate continued to cook as she said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes,â&#x20AC;? but thought a more romantic proposal was in order. She asked her then bride-to-be if her intentions were genuine after dinner. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I asked, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Were you serious when you asked me to marry you? Because I was serious when I said yes. However, it could have been a little more romantic!â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

As it happens, Kate often wore a ring that belonged to Reneeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother, which was kept in the bathroom when it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t on her ďŹ nger. So the day following the ad-libbed proposal, while Kate and Renee were in the bathroom getting ready, Renee popped the question a second time. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Kate, with this ring, that we keep in the bathroom, will you marry me?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;?

Kate again said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I melted more than a little at the excitement,â&#x20AC;? says Kate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think we had known all along that we were in it as partners for life.â&#x20AC;?

Renee originally wanted to elope, but Kate convinced her a wedding was in order. Both women are glad â&#x20AC;&#x201D; their wedding turned out perfect. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Fabulous people, great food, amazing location, lots of fun,â&#x20AC;? says Renee of the big event at the West Villageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gorgeous Alger House, once a large carriage house decked out in hard wood ďŹ&#x201A;oors, exposed brick, steel architectural details, and stained glass.

Adds Kate, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The space was warm and inviting and the staff provided phenomenal hospitality to us and our guests.â&#x20AC;?

The couple called on their circle of talented friends and family to help with the weddingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s preparations. The ceremony was ofďŹ ciated by Kateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother, Carrie Bishop, a Lutheran pastor. The cake was provided by their friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s company, A Simple Cake, and topped with two troll dolls Renee and Kate purchased while vacationing in Norway, their ďŹ rst international travel as a couple. The idea of using the troll dolls started as a joke, but after a fruitless search for the perfect cake toppers, the couple realized

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the dolls, one short and grumpy-looking and one tall and femme, best represented them. Marie McNally, who is close to the couple, provided the newlyweds with stunning ďŹ&#x201A;oral arrangements, and their dear friend Corrine put together all the music and acted as M.C. Another good friend of theirs, Alan, helped the ladies out a lot as well â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially in assisting them as they bucked tradition while dress shopping, which they insisted on doing together. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We had chosen our gowns together so that our looks would coordinate without matching exactly,â&#x20AC;? says Kate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There was no need for secrecy. We also spent the day getting ready together. Throwing old superstitions to the wind.â&#x20AC;?

Another convention they nixed? Wearing heels. The idea of spending their special day wearing uncomfortable footwear didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sit well with either, so the couple decided to don sneakers instead. To further customize A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` # Â&#x2019; ESRRW\U >`WRS

their outďŹ ts, Kate, who was born on Independence Day, wore a pair of Converse decorated with the American ďŹ&#x201A;ag; and Renee, a proud Aussie, wore Union Jack Converse, tweaked by Kate to resemble the Australian ďŹ&#x201A;ag.

Despite all their detailed planning, there were a few surprises to be had on their wedding day. For one, Reneeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s maid-of-honor, Christine, organized a ďŹ&#x201A;ash mobstyle performance during the speech. When her turn came up, Christine broke into song, then two other guests popped up and sang, then other guests sprang up, and so on, until the songâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chorus, when every single guest joined in. The lyrics were about Kate and Renee and sung to the tune of â&#x20AC;&#x153;My Favorite Thingsâ&#x20AC;? from the â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Sound of Music.â&#x20AC;? Christine orchestrated it all via e-mail to guests ďŹ&#x201A;ying in from all over the world. Different groups of guests each wrote their own verse.

Considering that the two ďŹ rst met in cyberspace it also isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t surprising that the wedding ceremony featured techsavvy twists. Reneeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother had health issues preventing her from attending, so the couple made sure she and Reneeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s father could participate as virtual guests. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Reneeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parents couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t physically attend but were able to Skype in and even appear in the wedding photos,â&#x20AC;? says Kate.

Adena of Studio A Images, who played a huge role in the weddingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success, captured the photos. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She was amazing,â&#x20AC;? says Kate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She never got in the way, but was always in the background,â&#x20AC;? says Renee, who was impressed by the shutterbugâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s skills. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sometimes Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d look up and see her there actually catching us in the moment.â&#x20AC;?

The coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only regret? Not being able to invite as many people as they wanted. Keeping the guest count ESRRW\U >`WRS Â&#x2019; A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` #

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to 80 people made for some difďŹ cult choices and a few tough conversations. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We simply didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have enough space to accommodate as many of our friends and loved-ones as we would have liked to,â&#x20AC;? says Kate.

Not being able to invite some of the special people in their lives was a particularly poignant problem for Renee. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am a board member of Marriage Equality USA and, while we have come a long way, there are still a number of states and countries that do not recognize our marriage, so the ďŹ ght is far from over. I had to explain to the rest of my board members, people Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d been ďŹ ghting alongside for marriage equality, that they werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t invited.â&#x20AC;?

Another regret was not being able to fully engage all of the guests they did invite, some of whom traveled from places as far away as Spain and Australia. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You always hear about how there just isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t enough time to truly get to talk to everyone, and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so true,â&#x20AC;? says Kate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The party was so much fun, we wish we could do it all over again â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but this time as part of the crowd.â&#x20AC;?

If a proposal in the bathroom and the sneakers they wore to their wedding prove anything about Renee and Kate, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that they have a remarkable sense of whimsy and are right for each other â&#x20AC;&#x201D; troll dolls and all. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We just click so well and are so deeply in love,â&#x20AC;? says Kate of the wife whom she met because a dating site repeatedly ranked them as highly compatible. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I truly think we are perfectly matched.â&#x20AC;?

All photos by Adena of Studio A Images. #!

Advertiser Index We would like to thank all of our advertisers for their continued support of Wedding Pride Magazine and the LGBT community.

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Show Your Pride

W

e can use your help! Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re already looking forward to our next edition of Wedding Pride, so, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a same-sex couple we has recently had a wedding or is planning one in New York, we would love to speak to you!

You can be the talk of your family and friends â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and have a great tale to tell the grandkids â&#x20AC;&#x201D; by having your big day prominently featured in our groundbreaking publication.

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re interested in showing your Pride, contact us at tmasters@cnglocal.com.

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1=<B@70CB=@A Steven Rosen Photography stevenrosenphotography.com (718) 625â&#x20AC;&#x201C;7076 steven@stevenrosenphotography.com Erica Camille Productions www.ericacamilleproductions.com (920) 539â&#x20AC;&#x201C;8212 erica@ericacamilleproductions.com Wayne Chinnock Wedding Photography www.lovedaysphotography.com (508) 221â&#x20AC;&#x201C;0128 talktous@lovedaysphotography.com William Chang Photography william-chang.com

(718) 395â&#x20AC;&#x201C;7223 info@william-chang.com Kelly Williams kellywilliamsphotographer.com (917) 613â&#x20AC;&#x201C;5260 Kelly@KellyWilliamsPhotographer. com Megan Burges Photography www.meganburges.com (870) 405â&#x20AC;&#x201C;0437 meganburges@gmail.com Studio A Images http://studioaimages.com (201) 222â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6964 adena@studioAimages.com A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` # Â&#x2019; ESRRW\U >`WRS

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GayCityNews.nyc Ads@GayCityNews.com 718-260-8340 ESRRW\U >`WRS Â&#x2019; A^`W\U³Ac[[S` #

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an Savage, the outspoken author of the internationally syndicated sex-advice column â&#x20AC;&#x153;Savage Love,â&#x20AC;? originator of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;It Gets Betterâ&#x20AC;? Project, and a frequent guest on HBOâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Real Time with Bill Maher,â&#x20AC;? is constantly on the go. So Wedding Pride was happy to grab him for a chat about marriage equality, the lowkey approach he and his husband, Terry Miller, take toward celebrating, and their genuine love for Vikki Carr.

Wedding Pride: What was your knee-jerk reaction when Massachusetts, the ďŹ rst state to legalize same-sex marriage in the U.S., did the deed?

Dan Savage: I was thrilled.

When the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision came down, the decision itself was so beautifully written.

I know people who have incorporated part of the decision into their wedding ceremonies â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even straight people I know have done so.

#$

WP: Did you do anything to commemorate the occasion?

DS: For Massachusetts? I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think that we did.

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not celebratory people. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do anything on Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day, we really donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do anything on our anniversary, so we probably were like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh! This is really good news!,â&#x20AC;? read the decision, and got on with it.

WP: Is there any kind of occasion the two of you will celebrate?

DS: Well, we celebrated our 10th anniversary in a big way â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we got married. But it was sort of a top-secret wedding. We had a 10th anniversary party in which we invited our friends and family and, beforehand, we ran to Canada and got married in Vancouver. So, the party was like a secret wedding reception.

WP: What was your favorite moment from your wedding?

DS: We were in the car with our son on the way to Vancouver and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talking to this woman, Karen, who performed our ceremony, and we were asking her if we had everything we needed and she was like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bring this document, that document, and bring the rings.â&#x20AC;? And we were like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Crap, we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get rings...â&#x20AC;? And in a way, just 10 years ago, marriage for us was this new thing, and we just literally forgot about the whole ring part.

So we turned the car around and went to this rock-androll-jewelry-crap-T-shirt store that Terry knew about in [Seattleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s] Pike Place Market and we let our son pick out some temporary rings for us. And he picked out these chunky silver rings with skulls on them because weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re always supposed to remember that we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t break up until we die â&#x20AC;&#x201D; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death do us part. The idea was that we were going to wear them for a couple weeks and get new rings. And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m standing here in the kitchen, right now, wearing that ring, that skull, on my ďŹ nger still. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never replaced them.

WP: Being married, it must have been a great feeling when the Defense of Marriage Act was overturned.

What was your initial response?

DS: When DOMA was overturned I was sitting at my computer with my husband upstairs and my son downstairs asleep, and I just sat there reading it and weeping. For me, one of the things that weighed on me was the ďŹ nancial peril that my family would be in if something should happen to me. Our relationship wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t recognized, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a sole-income family, and Terry has been a stay-at-home parent for 15 years. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d hate to boil a marriage down to ďŹ nances, but one of the things you pledge when you marry someone, especially if you have children together, is to protect them. And here was this thing I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t protect my family from. So, when I read that DOMA was overturned, I felt this weight instantly lifted from my shoulders. I went upstairs, crawled into bed with Terry, held him, and cried.

WP: Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s end this on a silly note â&#x20AC;&#x201D; if you could give your marriage to Terry a theme song, what would it be?

DS: The Vikki Carr version of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Take My Eyes Off of You.â&#x20AC;? We have a shared love of female vocalists and a week after we started dating we were walking down the street and heard the horns from that song. We started singing it to each other, and that played at our wedding â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or our secret wedding reception. We still sing it to each other and listen to Vikki Carr unironically, we have all of her albums, and whenever it plays we get very sentimental. And I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be too Pollyanna, but sometimes the two of us can be terrible human beings and drive each other crazy, but in the really important and majority of ways, Terry really is too good to be true. And I love him. So much.

A^`W\UÂłAc[[S` # Â&#x2019; ESRRW\U >`WRS

Being yourself is just being human.

Everywhere.

Every day.

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re with you.

We Bank Human and celebrate the LGBT community.

TM

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