to: How
BREAK FREE FROM PERFECTIONISM!
10 TIPS TO HELP YOU OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM FOR GOOD!
BY: DR. CHRISTINA CRUZ
www.drchristinacruz.com
03 Intro
05 Let Go of: Extreme Thinking 06 Let Go of: Shoulds 07 Let Go of: Failure 08 Let Go of: Personalization 09 Let Go of: Control 10 Let Go of: People Pleasing 11 Let Go of: Comparison 12 Let Go of: If/Then Mentality 13 Let Go of: Perfectionism 14 Bonus Tip! 15 Final Note 16 About Me & Contact Info
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STNETNOC FO ELBAT
04 Let Go of: Expectations
HI, I'M DR. CHRISTINA I am grateful you are here. I wrote this eBook with you in mind.
I know how tired you are...actually exhausted by the way your life has been
fulfilled. You feel off. You don't feel good enough. In
fact, the thought of being good enough just as you are feels like a foreign concept.
You are defined by what you achieve and what others think of you. You
overwhelmed, overworked, and internally suffering with a great deal of stress. Failure is not an option to you. Your body and people please. You are
mind are screaming at you to take better care of yourself but you can't remember what self-care and self-love feels like.
How do I know you so well? I'm a recovering perfectionist and former not enougher who has struggled too. I perfected. I overachieved. I people pleased. I sought validation outside of myself thinking it would give me the love, acceptance, and belonging I was looking for....but it didn't. Instead, I got mired down in common perfectionism traps. Then, finally, I learned to free myself and have never looked back! Now I want to share my invaluable tools with you.
My mission is to help women connect intimately with who they are at their core and explore what they want most out of life while relinquishing their deep desire to control, restrict, and be perfect. I help women
let go of what
no longer serves them so they can live an authentic and perfection free life!
In this eBook, I share my top tips and areas I focus on the most when helping clients find freedom from their perfectionism. And personally speaking, when I let go of the traits I'm about to share with you, my life changed. I finally found the peace and fulfillment I craved. I found true happiness! It's what I
let go of that allowed me start living the life I desired. Ready to start living your most authentic life?
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ORTNI
going. You don't feel
1) LET GO OF: EXPECTATIONS I coach women who are struggling with perfectionism. Much of
about themselves and others. This healing work often revolves around expectations because when they are unmet—it hurts!
I know both personally and professionally, when we create expectations, well...we expect them to happen!
And if our expectations don’t come true, we can feel:
Disappointed, Angry, Sad, Guilty, Ashamed, and feel like a Failure. Of course, it's natural to want things to work out, but life often has its own plan, which can create pain and distress for us if we are rigid and inflexible with our expectations.
Perfectionism Tip: Let go of the attachment you have around your expectations and allow for a great deal of flexibility in your life by being open to alternative outcomes that can arise.
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SNOITATCEPXE
what they struggle with is adjusting the expectations they have
An extreme thinker isn’t the daring adventurer or excitement seeker living life on the edge. No.
The extreme thinker is someone who believes they are either a success or failure, right or wrong, perfect or unlovable, pretty or ugly, they got it right or completely wrong.
The most common type of extreme thinking I see in practice is
all
or nothing thinking. Want to know if you are in extreme thinking? Here are some red flags:
Do these words often show up in your vocabulary?
Always...Never...Should...Nothing...Perfect...Only...Must...Have to...Everyone...No One Just like with expectations, extreme thinking limits our thinking, perspective, and assumes there is only one way of doing things.
Perfectionism Tip: Let go of extreme thinking and the rules it creates in your life by asking yourself, is this true? For example, "Is it true NO ONE cares about me?" If you get real and honest with yourself, I am certain you will find evidence that does not support some of the thoughts you have about yourself. When you ask yourself this very simple question, you will find holes in the story you have been believing.
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GNIKNIHT EMERTXE
2) LET GO OF: EXTREME THINKING
3) LET GO OF: SHOULDS Yeah, this is a toughie! Most of us grew up hearing ‘should’ and
You should be this; you should do that; you should stop!
What do shoulds really do?
They make you (or somebody) wrong. They cast judgment. They assume you know how things should be done.
Let go of the shoulds and stop shoulding all over yourself!
How often do you use the word should?
Perfectionism Tip: The minute you think or say the word ‘should,’ change it. Make should into might, could, want to, can, even wish, or I hope. Catch it when you should on yourself or others.
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SDLUOHS
it has become a staple in our vocabulary.
4) LET GO OF: FAILURE What does ‘failure’ really mean, anyway? Is it carved in stone?
We all have our own definition of failure, yet for many people, failure is something they avoid like the plague!
What if I told you perfectionists aren't really concerned with being perfect. On some level they know perfection does not exist. So if they are not trying to achieve perfection, what are they trying to do?
Avoid failure!
Perfectionists Fear Failure! Usually, perfectionists believe that if they are not ‘perfect’ they are not loveable, not enough or will be seen as less than. Perfectionists expend a great deal of mental, emotional, and physical energy attempting to avoid failure of any kind. They are motivated more by fear than by passion, love, fun, friendship, or excitement. For more on Fear vs Passion, check out my blog here.
Perfectionism Tip: Something to think about: Thomas Edison, the great inventor, was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” Edison refused to apply the word ‘failure’ to himself—no matter what. A famous story about Thomas Edison is that he tried 10,000 unsuccessful attempts to invent the first light bulb. When a newsman asked Edison, “How did it feel to fail 10,000 times?” Edison replied, “I did not fail. I discovered 10,000 ways that did not work.” Apply this attitude to yourself.
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ERULIAF
Does everyone think about failure the same way? No, they don’t!
Like expectations, when failures occur, perfectionists tend to personalize their failures to mean or say something about them. Their sense of self is conditional and based on if they succeed or fail and their worth as a person is dependent on what they do (or don't) achieve and how they are perceived by others.
For example, you go on a first date with someone, have a great time, but the other person doesn't call you back or schedule a second date. If you think the second date didn't happen because of something you did, said, how you look, or that you are just not enough, you are personalizing the situation.
You are making the situation mean or say something about you. When in reality, it might not have anything to do with you at all!
Perfectionism Tip: Let go of the personalization by sticking to the facts of situations. When we interject stories, we often create and believe untrue fables in our mind only to cause unnecessary disappointment in ourselves.Â
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NOITAZILANOSREP
5) LET GO OF: PERSONALIZATION
6) LET GO OF: CONTROL The truth is, much of life is not under our control: birth family, hair color, skin, eyes, height, heritage, innate skills, etc. We can’t
perfectionism tend to gravitate toward control because it feels safe and predictable. Being able to plan for a desired outcome feels safe. What doesn't feel safe?
Uncertainty. The trick to feeling safe inside is learning to control the many things in life that we can control, like the language we use with ourselves, how we emotionally respond, our personal environment, etc.
Perfectionism Tip: Find control in new ways. For example, having a bad day? Instead of the day getting the best of you, ask yourself how you can change your emotional reaction to the situation. How can you change your perspective? What do you need in this moment to help you get through your bad day?
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control the weather, time, or other people. People with
We all want to be liked, valued, and appreciated. Most people dislike saying no. They are afraid others might get angry or disappointed. But there is a point in there, a fine line that gets crossed, when we make others, their needs and wants, more important than our own—then we lose ourselves. And that’s a painful place to get stuck in.
Chronic people pleasing can cause further disconnection from ourselves, anger and angst, internal conflict, and hostility towards others. When you ignore your feelings or risk not being completely honest because you are more concerned about someone else's needs, you are denying a part of you.
Perfectionism Tip: Find someone in your life you trust and feel safe with. Practice asserting yourself with them. For example, instead of your partner being the one to choose where you guys eat for dinner, you choose. Find small ways to assert yourself in every day life.
Remember, people pleasing hides the real you!
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GNISAELP ELPOEP
7) LET GO OF: PEOPLE PLEASING
8) LET GO OF: COMPARISON "Comparison is the thief of
joy." We all hear those little mental cut downs: my house is bigger than hers, wow, she looks better in this dress than I do, she’s much smarter than me, I did better than her, they’re better than me…
And those critical thoughts are all
toxic.
In an ideal world, we would feel happy and content with our bodies, our hair, our clothes, our relationships, and our lives. For some, comparison can encourage hard work and can serve as healthy motivation. But often times, comparison leaves us in a negative mental space where we get caught up in a win/lose mentality.
Solution? Let go of comparison and bring in gratitude and appreciation.
Perfectionism Tip: Start your day with gratitude journaling. Write down what you are grateful for and include what you are grateful for within yourself.
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NOSIRAPMOC
Theodore Roosevelt once said,
The If/then mentality goes hand in hand with comparison.
Sometimes the comparison of another is the trigger for the if/thens.
Does this sound familiar: If I exercise five times this week, then I will lose weight; or If I follow the (latest fad) diet (like my neighbor) then I will lose weight (just like she did).
On some level, logically, we know our expectations may be wrong or not work out. But our emotional investment is high— we need to be right—we need the desired outcome to happen.
If the desired outcome is not achieved, just like with expectations, we feel like a failure, like we did something wrong. We lost, they won.
Perfectionism Tip: Change the way you use the If/Then mentality to serve more as a supportive planning tool for you.
If I know I'm going to run late for dinner, then I
For instance, "
will call my partner to notify him/her so they are not waiting for me."
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YTILATNEM NEHT/FI
9) LET GO OF: IF/THEN MENTALITY
This might seem like an obvious one but I hope you are realizing now how all of these traits (expectations, extreme thinking, shoulds, fear of failure, personalization, control, people pleasing, comparison, and if /then mentality) are deeply connected to perfectionism.
The truth is, as much as some perfectionists might believe they need their perfectionism to succeed and to stay motivated, perfectionism actually steals our joy and self-esteem, happiness, self-love, hinders relationships, emotional stability, wastes our time, and removes our control.
It's time to take back your control and find freedom from the perfectionism trap you are in!
If you are ready to finally let go of perfectionism for good, sign up for a FREE 30 minute mini session today! Click Below https://drchristinacruz.com/contact
KEEP READING FOR A BONUS TIP! Break Free From Perfectionism
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MSINOITCEFREP
10) LET GO OF: PERFECTIONISM
I recognize how difficult it can be to let go of old ways of thinking,
be patient, kind and gentle with yourself throughout this process. believing, and behaving so please
One of my favorite ways to practice and exemplify selfcompassion is to think about a dear friend or family member with whom you love very deeply. Now, assume this friend or family member was in emotional pain and struggling in some way. How would you respond to this person's pain? What language and tone of voice would you use? Write down how you would approach the situation and what you would say.
Now, think of a time when you were suffering and in pain. How did you respond to yourself? What language and tone of voice did you use with yourself? Write out how you responded to yourself.
Is there a difference in how you responded to your friend/family member versus how you related to yourself? If you used the same approach with yourself as you did with your loved one, how might have the situation changed? How would you feel differently?
Try talking to yourself the same way you would a loved one.
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PIT SUNOB
BONUS TIP: SELFCOMPASSION
FINAL NOTE you think perfectionism has actually helped you and perfectionism has become a way of being in your life.
Or perhaps you are ready to make a change but you are scared and don't know where to start.
Regardless of where you are, I've got your back! I'm an expert at helping women identify and overcome thoughts and behaviors that are impacting daily functioning and relationships.
I help women see how perfectionism is a roadblock to overcome and preventing them from living their most authentic life.
And, I am here to guide you on your path to wholeness free from perfectionism for good!
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ETON LANIF
Letting go of old patterns and ways of thinking is not easy. Maybe
ABOUT ME Dr. Christina Cruz is a Doctor of Clinical Psychology and a Perfectionism &
She has over a decade of clinical experience working in the mental health field and has helped many clients find relief from their depression, anxiety, stress, disordered eating, low self-esteem, and generally feeling stuck and unfulfilled in life.
Dr. Cruz's clinical experience led her to her passion of working with women struggling with perfectionism. As a recovering perfectionist herself, she knows all too well the pain and internal conflict that perfectionism can bring. Dr. Cruz's mission to empower other women to live
happy and
fulfilled lives without needing to be restricted or perfect.
Dr. Christina Cruz Perfectionism & Emotional Wellness Coach
hello@drchristinacruz.com www.drchristinacruz.com
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EM TUOBA
Emotional Well-Being Coach.