How To Have Great Sex During Menopause

HOW TO HAVE GREAT SEX DURING MENOPAUSE

Including tips from the experts and how to support your partner through menopause

TABLE OF CONTENTS

HOW TO HAVE GREAT SEX AFTER MENOPAUSE

Whether menopause is just kicking in, you can feel it coming around the corner, or if it’s well and truly arrived, there’s no reason why your sex life should suffer as a result.

EXPERT TIPS ON DEALING WITH SEX DURING MENOPAUSE

We have rounded up some of the most trusted menopause experts to share their top tips for dealing with sex during menopause.

10 WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER THROUGH MENOPAUSE

If you have a partner going through menopause, then you may be wondering how to best support your partner.

PRODUCTS THAT HELP WITH SEX DURING MENOPAUSE

MysteryVibe creates award-winning devices that adapt to the user’s body and deliver targeted vibrations to elevate pleasure and address major sexual health issues.

HOW TO HAVE GREAT SEX AFTER MENOPAUSE

Whether menopause is just kicking in, you can feel it coming around the corner, or if it’s well and truly arrived, there’s no reason why your sex life should suffer as a result.

Whether menopause is just kicking in, you can feel it coming around the corner, or if it’s well and truly arrived, there’s no reason why your sex life should suffer as a result. So, instead of wallowing in the inevitability of menopause, let us stare it in the face and say, “You know what? This is my body. I’m taking control of my pleasure.” And you can do that with our 10 tips on how to have a great sex life after menopause.

Tip #1: Reality Check

When you were in your 20s, convincing yourself that you had an incurable illness (when actually you just had a cold) was common practice. Now, in your prime, you don’t make time for hypochondriac worries. So why is it that, despite our mature mindsets, we’re still allowing menopause to haunt us?

Rumours and urban legends should not set the basis of our understanding. Every woman is different, which means we’ll all experience different processes during our menopause. As a mature woman you have the capacity to put things into perspective, see the bigger picture and make the best decisions. Menopause is just another phase in your life. All you need is to analyse your situation, get a plan together, put together a fabulous menopause sex kit and make sure you do your best to feel your best.

Yes, both your body and mind are going through significant changes during menopause, but that doesn’t signify the end of your sex life as you know it. Make it your golden rule to remind yourself of this.

Tip #2: Use a Vibrator

Due to a decrease in oestrogen, your body will change but most genital changes are not visible, nor conditioning. Many women do not even notice these changes. Rest assured: you will not experience a nightmare moment in which you suddenly wake up with a shrivelled vagina!

One side effect that is very common during menopause is the loss of blood circulation in the vaginal area. This is where your favourite vibrator comes into play. Vibration technology massagers are powerful blood circulation stimulants and can improve your sex life after menopause. Improved blood circulation will keep your nerve endings receptive and the vagina as a whole in top form.

Clinically proven to increase arousal and alleviate vaginal dryness, Crescendo 2 is your secret ally during menopause. Programme the vibration pattern that works best for you. We would advise that you go for rumbly patterns that will stimulate in a non-aggressive way, while making sure the blood is pumping at full intensity.

Tip #3: Lube Up and Slide into the Best Sex After Menopause

We know that our oestrogen levels decrease during menopause. One side effect of this is your natural lubrication will probably also decrease.

In a mature mind-set you must comprehend that lubrication in no reflection of your desire, your capacity or your “right” to enjoy sex. Lubrication is the way in which your body prioritises the use of water within your body and, due to hormonal changes, your body thinks vaginal moisture is no priority.

So now that’s out of the way, we can talk about why lube really will be your best friend during this transition.

The sex industry caters to infinite tastes when talking lube, so why not take this time to become a lube-connoisseur… just like when you were 30 looking for the perfect facial cream, this is your chance to find the best product for your vagina – it’s no less precious after all!

It’s really important that you choose a lube that is kind to your skin, has the best ingredients and will give you the desired result. Now the fun stars. Try out every type of lube you can, and think about all the sexy occasions you could use them for; whether it’s silky, to flavoured, to sensitising, to repairing, there’s a lube for that!

When using lube with your Crescendo 2, the skin-like silicone material will become even smoother with a simple drop of water-based lube – by skin-like we mean the smoothest, most

velvety, exfoliated, hydrated skin you’ve ever felt. Not only will it feel nicer, it’s also easier to clean up than natural lubrication. There are many lubes to try on the market, but our top three would be System Jo Agape lube, Liquid Silk realistic lube and Repair by Pjur originally formulated for sensitive skin of applied players.

Tip #4: Love Your New Body

Often, during menopause, we are so concerned about the physical changes that we pay little attention to the psychological aspect of such an important transformation. It’s true, menopause can change how we feel about ourselves and how we perceive our bodies and sex-personality vastly, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Remember when you were younger and sex was all about discovery? About experiencing new sensations and pleasure? Well, here’s your chance to do that all over again. Imagine and invent the mature lover you really want to be and discover new ways of having great sex after menopause. Allow yourself this game, enjoy it as a newcomer and beyond, and boost that sexual confidence.

Tip #5: Explore Your Body – The Best

Homework You Ever Had

Whether you were a night-long lover or a faster-than-lightening climax master in past days, you’ll need to accept that it may take a little more effort now menopause is part of the picture.

Nobody would expect to have the same memory at 50 as that of when they were 20, but for some reason, we expect our experience of sex to stay the same. Now you’re a master in pleasure, maybe you’ll need to give a little more… more foreplay, more clitoral stimulation, more imagination, more fantasising. But let me tell you, this is the best homework you’ve ever had. So what are you waiting for? Indulge and enjoy.

When using Crescendo 2, don’t rush. Explore its many possibilities. You could start with a foot massage that evolves into a leg and thigh massage. Then when the heat is up, ensure you give yourself enough clitoral stimulation. Increase the intensity and use the tip to tease yourself.

Tip #6: Sex After Menopause is a Rollercoaster

No menopause is identical, many experience a decrease of pure arousal, and others may feel an increase of adrenaline that drives their pleasure out of the chart. If you feel that – ride it (in more ways than one)!

If you’re not quite feeling it yet, set a date with yourself and brainstorm some ideas of what may turn you on, what may work best for your new sex life and collate an encyclopaedia of your new pleasure. Trust us, this can give you a great vigorous and exciting sex life before, during and after menopause!

Using a vibrator like Crescendo 2 which can shape and vibrate exactly how you want it to, can provide countless possibilities for new ideas, allowing you to literally design your pleasure session. Whether you want soft water testing vibrations or absolute sheet grabbing intensity, it’s your choice.

Tip #7: Let

Mature be Intimate

Whoever said that women don’t want sex after menopause obviously didn’t know what they were talking about (or were terrible lovers!). A lot of postmenopausal women find they crave more intimate sensual intercourse. Not wanting raunchy, dirty sex doesn’t have to be a systems shut down moment. Rather, a new approach is needed. This doesn’t have to be boring, repetitive or basic. It needs to be connected, tease-full and mutually receptive.

Try teasing your partner throughout the day. Connect, be there, hold hands, kiss, and caress. Send them that sexy photo, tell them how much you want them, urge them to come home and see you. Then reap the benefits.

Tip #8: Thin News Is Not Always Good News

Another proven fact of estrogen level decrease is the thinning of vaginal walls. If this occurs (combined with loss of moisture) it can make intercourse uncomfortable. If you are suffering this, don’t be afraid to speak with your doctor. Don’t be ashamed, it is your responsibility to look after your new, beautiful body.

This is another reason to make sure lube is a regular guest to your bedroom. Beyond this, try indulging in better external stimulation, better dilation, amplified labia stimulation and the best toy and tongue play possible, because this will always make all aspects of play better, more refreshing and memorable.

Tip #9: From Exercise to Sex-ercise

Libido can be a casualty of menopause, with many of us feeling indifferent to play. It’s important to remember that that this is more to do with your bodily reactions, and not your pure pleasure. So, it makes sense that working on your body could really make a difference. Basically, if you’re feeling good with your body, your pleasure will soon align with your new condition. When you’re emotionally or physically unhealthy, your experience of sex will reflect that.

Exercise and well-being will improve your brain to body connections and really make a difference to your pleasure, relaxation and rest, so make sure you are getting all of the exercise you need out of the bedroom and don’t forget to rest – you’ll need that for when you’re fogging up the windows during play.

Tip #10: Your Best Sex-perience

A person with great, satisfying and exciting sex-perience pre-menopause will feel more confident and more driven to pleasure than someone without this experience. If you fit into the latter, build extra motivation out of it, make it a turning point in your sex life. Your goal is to make sure your post-menopause sex is the best sex you’ve ever had – mind-blowing, toecurling pleasure!

EXPERT TIPS ON DEALING WITH SEX DURING MENOPAUSE

We have rounded up some of the most trusted menopause experts to share their top tips for dealing with sex during menopause.

Menopause can affect your sex life to a varying degree, and with the ever-changing libido and changes in how you feel about yourself, it can be difficult to navigate sex during menopause. With sexual wellness a core part of your overall health, don’t leave it as an afterthought. Instead ensure you look after it correctly with these expert tips on dealing with sex during menopause.

In 2021 Davina McCall released a groundbreaking documentary helping explore stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding menopause from sex to hormone treatment. With 51% of those going through menopause saying it had affected their sex life, it is more important than ever to look after your sex life, especially when going through menopause.

Yet before this documentary, these experts were already smashing taboos and raising awareness, from award-winning writers to OB-GYN’s, we have rounded up some of the most trusted menopause experts to share their top tips for dealing with sex during menopause.

Accept you’re going through changes

“Accept who you are, where you are and how you are… The first step in this major transition is to accept that you are at this stage in your life, and view it as a new, exciting beginning!” says Dr. Anna Cabeca, Triple Board-Certified OB-GYN and internationally-acclaimed menopause expert.

One of the largest barriers when it comes to menopause and sex is the idea that nothing has changed, if you choose to ignore the physical and emotional changes you might end up feeling worse and not enjoying yourself when it comes to getting intimate. Accepting the changes and talking about menopause can help you have a smoother ride. Dr. Anna Cabeca also mentions a positive mindset and a sense of humor can go a long way during and after sex:

“There are mirror neurons in our brain. So what we think can and will manifest. We want a positive, confident image of ourselves, and at the same time, we can’t take ourselves too seriously either. When we’re being intimate with a person, while it can and often is a serious moment; let’s face it, there’s a lot of funny and awkward situations we can find ourselves in before, during and after sex, so we should keep it light, and be able to laugh and have fun with it.”

Don’t put pressure on yourself and communicate

“When libido takes an extended vacation, I fall back on a couples therapist’s recommendation: “No agenda or pressure. Just show up naked once a week with a smile on your face.” It worked - they enjoyed holding hands and talking at first. Eventually, her libido returned.” shares Lynette Sheppard, creator of the Menopause Goddesses.

Putting pressure on anyone to perform can be a recipe for disaster, especially when your body is going through momentous changes. One of the worst things you can do is shut yourself off from everyone and although menopause may make you feel entirely isolated, it is important to seek support from your partner, friends, family and experts. Dr. Anna Cabeca also suggests:

“Be present and focus on the sensation and the goodness of the feelings, the person you’re with. Convey what you like in a positive, loving and assertive way, and also let your partner know of your dislikes and/or discomfort. It is important to remember that when it comes to sexual intimacy, there is no area in our lives where we’re more vulnerable. So communicating honestly, open-heartedly, as a best friend, a coach, a caring, loving person is the best way to deepen intimacy, increase pleasure and address the changes that occur during menopause.”

Menopause expert Dr Shahzadi Harper notes just how important open and honest communication is:

“Maintaining an honest and open discussion is the most important thing you can do. You and your partner need to communicate physically and emotionally creating an open dialogue about how you are feeling sexually”

Expand your view of sex and try a new sexual adventure

“If it didn’t work before menopause, it probably won’t after…Now would be a great time to stop doing things you know do not work for you, that you don’t like or don’t want, and start insisting on the things you need, want and like” advises Heather Corinna, a dedicated queer activist and educator and author of “What Fresh Hell Is This?” - a guide to the menopausal transition.

Move away from goal-orientated sex, and mix up your sexual routine. If you notoriously go straight to genital sex ignoring all the other ways of expressing sexuality and ignoring foreplay then try to explore your body and find out what else feels good. There are thousands of nerve endings all over your body that you can experience immense pleasure from. A sexual adventure might be just what’s needed to reignite the spark in the bedroom and have you feeling sexier than ever.

“Consider the menopause transition as fine a reason as any to try and expand your idea of what sex is and what your sexual body is. In other words, all of us have been influenced by the strongly limited ways our cultures have defined both of those things, and have probably limited your sexuality and sexual life as a result. They can do so even more during and after the menopause transition and make it much more frustrating sexually than it might have to be.”Heather Corinna.

Incorporate a vibrator into the bedroom

The physical changes your body goes through means that what worked before might not have the same effect, with sexual changes such as low libido, vaginal dryness, and pain during sex. “One simple strategy to address some of these issues is to use a vibrator,” suggests Lisa Health, a digital health company modernizing menopause and midlife women’s health shares their top tip for addressing your menopausal changes in relation to sex. Lisa Health add:

“Apart from the pleasure vibrators offer, they have therapeutic benefits for menopausal women. These devices can help with arousal and orgasm issues that many women experience as they age. Vibrators can increase blood flow to the genitals and create more vaginal moisture, which can lead to better and less painful sex. Just be sure to use a lubricant to reduce friction. If you’ve never used a vibrator, think of it as a new adventure and the opportunity to rediscover and enhance your sexual pleasure.”

A vibrator like Crescendo 2 that bends to suit your unique body, delivers targeted sensations exactly where you need them making it great for increasing blood flow to create natural lubrication. With the customizable intensity levels and motors throughout the whole length of Crescendo 2, there are multiple options to help with arousal and help lead to better sex!

Heather Corinna also suggests “you might need a new trip to the toy store! The same toys you have used before might not be the toys you want now. You might need more high-octane vibration than you did, or you might want something gentler. If you use dildos, less may be more now.”

Seek support

Up to 60% of women suffer from vaginal atrophy after menopause and vaginal dryness starts affecting women from their early 40’s, however only around 30% of women with symptoms seek medical advice, with most women “considering it a natural condition”. Don’t suffer in silence instead approach your GP or a menopause expert such as Dr Shahzadi Harper who specialises in women’s wellbeing and hormonal balance in perimenopause and beyond.

Dr Shahzadi Harper explains:

“The reason for loss of libido is complex, but the two main components are hormonal and circumstantial or life events. Many factors contribute to a woman feeling less sexual desire during menopause. The physical problems such as vaginal dryness and pain during sex virtually all stem from declining oestrogen levels, not just during menopause but during perimenopause. Unless addressed with treatment, sexual problems can become the new norm. Don’t hold back, talk to your GP or a menopause expert to take the steps you need in order to get your sex drive back whether that’s hormone replacement therapy (HRT), using extra lubrication or using a vibrator-like Crescendo 2 to target vibrations and work out your vaginal muscles”

Lube is your best friend

“It’s a myth that every woman will lose their sex drive after menopause, in fact, many women feel more liberated and aroused. Some women are put off sex because it’s become painful, due to the thinning of vaginal walls. If that’s you, make lube your best friend and practice, practice, practice. Sex with yourself or another is a great way of staying healthy,” says Eileen Bellot who started the Menstruation to Menopause Project, an art and storytelling project that explores the journey taken between menstruation to menopause, to increase awareness about reproductive wellbeing.

Lube is one product you need in your sex life - regardless of what stage in life you are at. “If you didn’t need it before, and something is going inside an orifice of yours, you really, really, really, need it now. Beyond needing it, you’ll want it. It feels nice!” adds Heather Corinna.

These experts all rave about lube and there are obvious reasons why. Personal lubricants offer a number of exciting bedroom opportunities from enhanced sensations to a reduction in friction for more pleasurable solo or partnered sex.

Thanks to these menopause experts for sharing these reassuring pieces of advice when it comes to dealing with sex and menopause.

10 WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER THROUGH MENOPAUSE

If you have a partner going through menopause, then you may be wondering how to best support your partner. What to say and not say, and how to get through menopause together. Here are 10 ways to support your partner for a smoother transition.

If you have a partner going through menopause chances are you’ve seen some changes in them both physically and mentally. From the dreaded hot flushes to a libido that ebbs and flows, to a teary partner, you may be wondering how to best support your partner. What to say and not say, and how to get through menopause together.

The last thing you want is to stop talking and watch as your relationship deteriorates in front of your eyes. But with over 60% of divorces being initiated by women aged between 40 and 60, menopause can be a difficult time for your marriage for both you and your partner. Many men think of menopause as something to fear, but women who have a supportive partner often have a smoother transition through menopause, so here are 10 ways you can support a partner who is going through menopause.

1. Educate yourself

Learn about menopause symptoms, understand, and empathize. The more you know about why your partner is feeling hot, a bit teary, and low, the better you will be able to talk to them and be supportive. Many women feel completely detached from their lives and loved ones, which means love and support are more important than ever. By being compassionate and validating your partner’s experience, rather than trying to ‘fix’ them, you’ll find your relationship will strengthen during this difficult time.

Common symptoms of menopause are:

• Hot flashes

• Memory loss

• Fatigue

• Night sweats

• Low mood and anxiety

• Vaginal dryness caused by the thinning of the vaginal wall

• Reduced sex drive

• Hair thinning

• Weight gain

2. Keep communication open

Avoid building up resentment with your partner by keeping the lines of communication open so you can learn more about your partner’s needs, whilst highlighting your own in a tactful manner. As important as it is to support your partner, mind you don’t neglect your own emotional needs.

3. Offer support

Your partner is going through it - so although they may be more difficult than usual know that this is the ever-changing hormones and stress their body is under. Ask your partner what they need, especially if there is a physical or emotional struggle; you are not a mind reader so gently ask if there is anything you can do to help. Whether it’s running a relaxing bath, making a cup of tea, listening or buying her favorite biscuits, these are all ways to show your love and support.

Sometimes all it takes is asking, so don’t be afraid to ask how you can best support your partner. Whilst emotional support is key, practical help can also relieve some of the stresses of menopause. Ask if there are any specific tasks you can help with if your partner is experiencing fatigue and maybe offer to do more around the house. That way you know exactly how to help, and it takes some of the guesswork out of it.

4. Adjust your expectations

You might be used to having sex multiple times a week, but with the ever-changing estrogen levels, your partner’s libido is likely to take a nosedive. Your partner is going through a major milestone in their life, so manage your expectations because they may change monthly, weekly, and even daily. Instead, try getting intimate in other ways - cuddle, hold hands, enjoy an intimate dinner - there are plenty of ways to feel intimate without sex. And, when you are both in the mood for a night of romance, your sex doesn’t have to suffer as you can still enjoy great sex regardless of menopause.

5. Reduce friction

This can be both physical and emotional. Adding lubrication or a bendable vibrator can help with arousal and increasing blood flow, adding this to your sexual routine can be a complete game-changer for the physical side of your relationship. Whilst emotional friction may be caused by mood swings and persistent low moods, it is important to recognize that fluctuating hormone levels are likely the cause.

6. Don’t call attention to menopausal symptoms

Is there anything worse than someone pointing out your bad mood? Alongside being rather annoying, it can also cause long-term relationship problems. If your partner feels the need to hide the symptoms and bury them down, resentment could build up leading to severed communication lines. Whilst there may be a few symptoms that make your partner feel selfconscious, such as weight gain and hair thinning, it’s best to avoid pointing this out as it won’t make anyone feel good.

7. Make them feel great

Be romantic. Bring them flowers without occasion, make dinner, try a romantic date night or even a sensual massage. Your gestures can be as small or as big as you like - you know your partner better than anyone; do the things that put a smile on their face and watch as they shine from the inside out. You know the best way to make them feel appreciated and boost the feel-good hormones she is craving.

8. Get the support you need

Just as you don’t understand what it is like to go through menopause, they don’t understand what it’s like to be the partner of someone going through menopause. If you need to blow off some steam by talking to a supportive friend or family member, then do just that. Don’t neglect your own emotional needs because you are supporting someone else.

It is also important to support your partner in seeking additional support. Whether that is a doctor, therapist, sex therapist or support group, menopause could bring up complicated emotions and a supportive partner isn’t necessarily the one who carries the entire emotional load.

9. Get healthy together

Small lifestyle changes might be just what your partner needs to help ease the menopausal symptoms - and the best way to support this and make them feel like they are not alone is to get on board. Regardless of whether you actually like being healthy, you could strive to support healthy eating, join them on a walk and help cook balanced meals. Show your partner you are in it together!

10. Remember it’s not forever

Menopause can seem never-ending, but take comfort in knowing things do get better. Symptoms ease and your partner will eventually start feeling like themselves again. Come out the other side stronger by keeping open lines of communication at the heart of your relationship. Menopause has its own agenda entirely - how long menopause lasts is as unique as your fingerprint. This means you don’t have an end date, but know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t be afraid to seek further support from a health professional on how to best support your partner through menopause.

IMPROVE SEX DURING MENOPAUSE WITH MYSTERYVIBE

MysteryVibe creates award-winning devices that adapt to the user’s body and deliver targeted vibrations to elevate pleasure and address major sexual health issues.

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