“Even Though I Left Him, He Never Left Me…”

“EVEN THOUGH I LEFT HIM, HE NEVER LEFT ME…”

By Chow Hoe Tong, PJN5

My name is Chow Hoe Tong. My Cell Group Leader is Ng Kong Soon. We are in PJN5 under Pastor Adrian Chong and Zone Leader Ding Ying.

I first came to know Christ when my family sent me to a Methodist school in a neighbouring country 30 years ago. I was the youngest in the boarding school at that time, but God sent some older Christian brothers to take care of me and be good role models for me.

However, after leaving the school, I gradually drifted away from Christ and became agnostic. I did not know for sure whether God existed or not. I was often locked in abstract thoughts which only ended in spiritual paralysis by analysis. My health also started to deteriorate. In later years, I developed pre-diabetes, a chronic sinus condition, acid reflux and gout. At the age of 35, I had to undergo cataract surgery. My weight also grew to 100kg. I would fall seriously sick and shiver under my blanket every one or two years. I became easily impatient and annoyed with other people, and was quite unlikeable.

Four years ago in 2018, I felt an inexplicable calling to walk into DUMC on my own. In prior years, my ex-accounting firm bosses had invited me to go to DUMC but I declined. Shortly after coming to DUMC, I experienced a miraculous healing. During a cell group meeting, some passing words took root in my heart and the Lord then led me to research into something that reversed all my physical illnesses naturally. My weight also dropped by 31kg in six months and I have not fallen sick in the last four years. But despite God’s grace upon me, I remained unmoved. Yes, I continued to attend church every Sunday for the next three years but I did not sing during worship and my mind would drift during sermons. During cell group meetings, my paralysis by analysis would often catch up with me and I would sometimes say weird things like “Joy is fine. But peace and love are overrated.”

Earlier this year, as in-person celebrations in DUMC resumed and volunteers were needed, I felt compassion to help some friends. In my ministry work role now, unexpectedly, I must learn every song by heart before worship and pay absolute and undivided attention during pastors’ sermons. As my share in this DUMC community continues to grow now, and I settle into a more fulfilling rhythm of church life, the Lord has laid it upon my heart to be baptised.

Since my decision, I have felt better and less unlikeable. I also help and provide consultation to people with dietary questions now. I am grateful to God for all His grace upon me. Even though I left Him, He never left me. I am sorry for hurting God, other people and myself along the way. Agnosticism is needless and I make peace with everything that I do not, need not and will never be smart enough to fully comprehend. Because Jesus is more than enough. And yet not I but through Christ in me.

God bless you! Thank you.