DEAR AUNT MAE

PHOTO BY ANDRE FURTADO FROM PEXELS ADVICE

Dear Aunt Mae,

I am 39, married with 3 children and my husband is a fortytwo-year-old sex beast. When we first got together in college, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We enjoyed each other in the morning, somedays at mid-day and often at night. We got married 12 years ago and even then, we were passionate about each other. Recently though there seems to be a growing divide between our sexual desires. He wants to go every other night, but I am quite fine with just twice a week. I am terribly afraid that if this continues, I won’t be able to keep my husband at home. Can you please help?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Dear Evolving Woman,

Many couples secretly struggle in this area, so I am happy you wrote about this topic. It is not uncommon for sexual desires to change as we navigate through different seasons in our lives and since this pandemic added another level of complexity, I personally believe there are many other persons also struggling to find their new sexual equilibrium.

While I hope this season in your marriage passes soon enough, I do have three suggestions that might help you along the way. Firstly, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. There are sex therapists out there and if you would seek counselling for any other area in your marriage why not find an expert for this area. Secondly, if you are only able to have sex once a week, MAKE THAT ONE TIME COUNT. Bring out all the tricks and keep it SPICY. Lastly, speak to your spouse about your current sexual needs and limitations. Be honest, listen carefully and be prepared to compromise. If you ask me, compromise is the missing ingredient in many unhealthy marriages today.

Dear Aunt Mae, I am preparing to graduate from high school and my boyfriend of 2 years is asking me to prove my love for him by sleeping with him on his birthday August 19th . Most of my friends are sexually active and have been for some time but I don’t know what to do. I really wanted to wait until marriage or at least until after college before having sex, but I doubt my boyfriend will wait that long. My parents and I have already talked about contraceptives yet I am hesitant. Any advice?

Dear Young Evolving Woman,

Sleeping with someone for the first time or at any time for that matter is a big deal. I am not clear as to why you have doubts but the fact that you do, suggest that you are not quite ready, and guess what? That’s fine. You are still young and shouldn’t feel pressured to have sex no matter who is already sexually active or simply because the guy you are dating wants to sleep with you.

There are many risks associated with becoming sexually active and it is important that you explore them thoroughly and be honest with yourself as to whether you are ready to take your relationship to the next step. If you boyfriend can’t wait for you to decide about your own body, simply tell him “Bye Felicia” or like my goddaughter would say “Boy Bye”. Take your time young lady. As you evolve into the woman you are going to be there will be many more opportunities for you to explore sex. Don’t allow social norms, peer pressure or an impatient boyfriend make you do something you are not comfortable doing.

Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava from Pexels

EMPOWERMENT

Can you imagine losing over 100 PounDs twiCe?

Welcome to my life. This is the first time I am writing about my weight loss journey, and I hope this helps someone who may be struggling in this area.

BY: KATHERINE BENEBY II

I remember when, in grades 5 and 6, I was teased for being “fat”. Whether eating my lunch or simply sitting in a chair, there would be a joke. Thankfully, I had a good support system at home to help me build my confidence and handle the uncomfortable moments at school.

High school was somewhat better, but I was glad to have those days behind me when in 2012 I left Nassau to go to university in the United States.

Before leaving, I had my annual checkup. When I went on the scale I was over 400 lbs. I couldn’t believe it. I never actually followed my weight and thought, “How did you even get to this kind of weight in your 20’s”? This was a true wake-up call.

Once I got settled abroad, I began working out at my university’s Wellness Centre and watching my food. Without an official plan, I just tried to find my way. I eventually got a trainer who helped me to further reach my goals with a basic diet plan and three days of physical training per week.

When I came home to visit during Christmas I was already seeing a difference, and others were as well. By the time I graduated in 2014, it was obvious that I had dropped a lot of weight.

So there I was, at the lightest in my life with over 100lbs lost. I should have been happy, but often lived with the fear of putting the weight back on. And guess what? I did!

Between 2016 and 2018, I regained the weight. Although I moved back home with a greater awareness of healthy living, I had less control than at university. I easily fell back into old habits of not preparing healthy home cooked meals and exercising. The result? Eventually I was at almost 400lbs again.

I made attempts to take my weight in hand when I joined a workout program where I was required to work out at least twice a day, but this didn’t work for me. The scale barely moved, and I would be lethargic most days because of the intensity of workouts.

I remember lying in bed one night in October 2018. I wasn’t happy with how I looked or felt. “Enough was enough.” I knew I needed to explore other options. I started by researching local nutritionists and locked in with one that I felt would be a good fit for me.

This decision changed my life. Food and nutrition are everything. It doesn’t matter how much you exercise, if you don’t learn how to manage your food you will be wasting your time. My nutrition coach equipped me with the knowledge, tools, and resources needed to succeed. I learned about food combining, different ways to eat, and had tutorials on how to make healthy drinks and meals. I also got the right equipment (a blender, food processor, etc.) to add creativity to my meal preparation.

Other programs gave me basic food and nutrition tips with more focus on exercise, but coaching provided a deeper understanding of food and nutrition. I’ve learnt the importance of nutrition over exercise the long and hard way.

So, here’s what I learned after losing 100 lbs, twice:

Guard your thoughts and emotions – Instead of feeding my fears, I place my energy in speaking life and affirming myself. I say things like, “I will keep the weight off” and “I will be in the best shape of my life by 30.” Our thoughts play a key part in our actions. Willpower and determination are needed to stay the course.

Experience makes a difference -The first time I was just trying to find my way. The second time I had the benefit of past knowledge paired with proper structure and support. Knowing what went wrong the first time made it more possible to achieve and maintain my goals.

Equip yourself with knowledge, tools, and resources – I understand the science of nutrition better than before. Also experiencing different ways to eat and knowing how it impacts my body has been empowering and solidifies my commitment to continuing a healthy lifestyle going forward.

Don’t beat up on yourself – Many times on this journey I’ve been hard on myself - when the scale doesn’t move, or when I put on weight. I’m learning to not take it too seriously and enjoy the journey.

Consistency is key – In anything in life, consistency makes a difference in continued growth. A lot of people see me now and say, “Girl you look so good; tell me your secret,” and don’t realize this has been an up and down journey for over 10 years.

Love yourself wholeheartedly – The first time I lost weight I got a lot of compliments, but I didn’t have true happiness within. Don’t put your happiness and fulfillment on the scale, instead do the work of loving yourself in whatever state you are in physically.

I know this will be an ongoing battle, but I am prepared to stick with it because I am worth the fight and so are you. Don’t ever give up on yourself!