goD in front

RELIGION

I was raised with a strong spiritual base and surrounded by a lot of love. Even though my mother and father divorced when I was only 2 years old, they both worked very hard to provide a sense of normalcy for my life.

BY: ZINALETRECE

My mother worked really long hours, leaving my grandmother to care for me after school. My father married twice after divorcing my mother. My two stepmothers were kind and accepting of me and my stepfather was the same.

Even though I was surrounded by a lot of love from both sides of my family, I struggled with accepting the reality of life as I was living it. At the young age of 7 years old, I defined my parents divorce as a moral blemish on me. Navigating the normal ups and downs of life through adolescents, puberty, & young adulthood did not equal normal outcomes for me. In junior high school, I experimented with beer and marijuana. The warnings of my parents to not try drugs did not penetrate my strong assumptions that I could handle things my way. Becoming a mother at 18, a young bride at 19, having 3 more children by 23, divorced by 24, having my last child at 26, and culminating this series of poor decisions with an abortion before the age of 27, I concluded that life was not worth living anymore.

I began living a life of self-destruction. I started drinking a lot and using heavier drugs. By the time I began using cocaine, I knew I was on the fast track to the bottom of the barrel.

By age 28, my skin was grey from dehydration and ash, I only weighed 189lbs, and my children & I were living in an apartment with no food or electricity. Concluding that I could not successfully die, I also knew I could not go on living this way. I made a decision to fight for my life.

I was introduced to sobriety and a new life without drugs and alcohol.

I began to build anew, reestablishing my commitment to God. I first had to acknowledge that trying to live my life by self-propulsion did not work.

I began to realize that in an effort to guide myself, by myself I misunderstood what reliance on God looked like. I had to re-define the way I had engaged God and how I interpreted His Word. Accepting myself as a spiritual Being having a human experience, I took ownership and began a life beyond anything I had dreamed of before.

I had embarked on a new way of living and I was ready to take all that life had to offer, good and bad, as long as God was in front. But God HAD to be in front. There was no way I could embark on the journey ahead without God’s help and guidance.

Through Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12-step program of recovery and God, I re-learned many of life’s lessons that I refused to learn along the way.

I finally became willing to slow down and live life from a point of giving instead of a point of taking. According to the program of recovery, there are many wounds that must be reopened in order to heal properly, but I proved ready for the task. I owed many amends to my parents, friends, and children for not being there during crucial moments in life.

Whenever life became overwhelming, I remembered the lesson I learned along the way. If I’m diligent and persistent, if I stay on the path, and if I take away bite sized chunks, eventually I will see my way to resolution for anything that seems too big to handle all at once. I can’t change what has already taken place. I have, however, gotten off the path of destruction I was on and therefore have been able to re-write my future.

Along the way I returned to school, completed the course curriculum for a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology, started a non-profit (Zin~ROB, Inc.) using theater to create space for youth to tell their trauma stories, and transforming lives for adults looking to shift negative mindsets and achieve positive possibilities at Life Essentials with ZinaLetrece. Experiences that have taught me the greatest lessons are:

1. Take responsibility for my own feelings (good or bad). When I own my feelings-no one else has to change for me to get better.

2. Have a solid support system. I am grateful that I put a support system in place before I needed it because…once I needed it I would not have been able to build it.

3. Secure my Godly relationship. Learning to create a personal relationship with God instead of trying to “get it right” with religion has enhanced my ability to hear from & respond to the voice of God.

Today, I walk in the footsteps of the path God has set for me. I enjoy a fulfilled life of purpose and destiny. Every hardship I have experienced has shaped the woman I am and I would not change any part of it, for today I have unspeakable joy!

To connect with ZinaLetrece directly, go to: www. lifeessentialswithzinaletrece.com