LIFE CHANGES

COPING WITH THE ONLY CONSTANT

It’s an age-old saying that the only constant in life is change. Yet simply being aware of it doesn’t always help us navigate the feelings we experience when change enters our lives. Growing older, moving to another town, or the loss of a loved one can challenge our ability to stay connected and maintain personal wellbeing. We may even experience difficulties adapting to positive changes, like a promotion. So, given these challenges, what can we do to stay grounded, happy and successful in a tumultuous world?

Though change is unique, both to the situation and to the person experiencing it, there are common threads that tie the human experience together. Experts have studied the topic to find commonalities that can be turned into effective tools for adaptation. Though forms of change can be easier to manage, experiences such as the death of a loved one or the loss of an intimate relationship can be devastating.

Regina Curry, a licensed professional counselor and athletic wellness coach at Fort Lewis College, said the techniques for processing and adapting to change are “spectacularly simple but hard to enact.” One of the most important things is to keep in mind that “it’s accepting ourselves that’s difficult,” Curry said.

Curry said changes, even positive ones, can challenge an individual’s sense of stability and lead to unhealthy coping through control and perfectionism. When one can forgive themselves for things from the past and be more accepting of slow adaptation a new change, then we can look in the mirror and say “It’s OK, I’m OK,” Curry said. Sometimes, resistance to positive transitions can be confusing, and the root cause might not be easy to uncover. Curry encourages individuals to question assumptions and explore negative thoughts around outcomes. Curry said “most of what we fear doesn’t happen or we’ve already lived through it.”

However some changes, especially loss, have undeniable finality. So what can help us through life's more devastating developments, such as a terminal diagnosis or death? There are also losses that feel as final as a death. This could include the loss of an intimate relationship or of a beloved career.

Judy Austin, the Executive Director of the Grief Center of Southwest Colorado, and seasoned bereavement specialist, has been in the field of grief counseling since the early 2000s. In 2009, she founded the Grief Center, gaining 501c3 nonprofit status in 2015. Since then, the organization has expanded to nine grief specialists that serve the five counties of Southwest Colorado. Austin said the workload has increased fourfold since the pandemic. This is due in large part to an increase in unexpected deaths from COVID-19, drug overdoses and suicide.

Although the increase has a painfully deep effect on our communities, Austin sees hope as well. As the stigma surrounding mental health support subsides, people of all ages can benefit from an increased recognition of their struggles. Austin stressed that this is especially important for those who experience the death of a loved one, adding that children who experience the unexpected loss of a close family member are at a 75% higher risk of suicide in their lifetime.

“Good support after a loss is preventative,” she said. This can be critical since a recent loss can bring up painful memories from past losses and trigger isolation and substance abuse, compounding the pain and even challenging one’s sense of identity. However, with proper support, those suffering can find healing and growth through the loss to still live a full and happy life. “We learn to hold the grief, love and joy together,” she said, describing what it looks like to move forward holistically.

Although change is inevitable, it does not have to be something we avoid or buckle under. It also doesn’t have to be something we experience alone. If you find yourself experiencing or approaching a life change that seems daunting or even insurmountable, resources in our community can provide the support needed to not only overcome the challenge of change, but to also learn how to heal and thrive with it.